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THE podcast for navigating all things midlife with honesty, humor, and heart
[00:00:00]
Heidi: Welcome to Evolving Together, the podcast for navigating all the crazy things that happen in midlife with honesty, humor, and heart.
I will say that I almost did not show up for the video. Most of you just listen, but if you're on YouTube, you get video sometimes. My intention was to record this only in audio.
Because I was just having one of those days. I didn't feel like getting out of my PJs. I didn't wanna put on makeup. I, I just didn't feel like being that public. I was totally down for recording this episode, but I don't know, being on camera was like, "Nah, I don't feel like doing that."
So here I am in the midst of adulting.
Sometimes we don't feel like doing those things that we have committed to doing or that we know are best for us.
But then I sat down and I looked at myself on the monitor and I thought, "No, you deserve better, Heidi, and so do your listeners and those who show up on YouTube."
[00:02:00]
Heidi: So I marched my butt downstairs, and I gussied myself up a little bit. I didn't go to any extremes, but I put a little makeup on, and I fixed my crazy-ass hair, and here I am.
So if you're watching on YouTube, this is for you, but it's also for me, so that when I am watching myself do this, I'm not disappointing myself.
Because this is something that I want to do and I enjoy doing, so why would I not show up at my very best?
I think that we all have these moments where we are overwhelmed and feel like we're just trying to come up for air. And that's the topic today, when adulting feels like too much.
[00:03:00]
Heidi: We've all had those days where... Well, sometimes it's not just a day.
Sometimes it's several days, or it's a week or a month , or year, when you just have this overload of things happening that feel completely out of control, and adulting just feels so hard.
If you are living a life, especially if you are living a full life, which most of you probably are, you are going to be dealing with lots of things all at once many times in your life.
And whether it's something small like having lots of bills to pay and, loved ones with needs, or it's something really big like a scary health diagnosis, or you've lost somebody that you love, or divorce,
Heidi: Getting fired from a job,
any of those things that just basically knock the life and breath out of you, whatever it is that you're dealing with, these things are gonna happen.
Heidi: And most you cannot predict.
And whether you are 21 or 51, you're going to have these recurring feelings and moments of, "This adulting thing is just too much. I-- It's-- I can't do it. It's too hard. I'm done."
[00:04:00]
Heidi: But the thing is, is when you're in your 20s and 30s, you don't have that perspective to look back and say, "Oh yeah, that nearly killed me, but I survived, and I got back up, and I thrived, I'm better now than I was before." When we're in midlife, we have that experience.
When you're in the mix of it- It doesn't always feel that way. It feels heavy, and stressful, overwhelming, and honestly, it just feels like too much sometimes.
Um, a few months ago, I was going through a period of time where I was shopping for homeowners insurance for the house I live in with my husband, and then also for my other house that I am selling, and I was doing taxes and financial aid forms for two of my kids, and, uh, there was car repairs.
There was... I mean, just every little thing that you could th- ... Oh, we were
[00:05:00]
doing our healthcare directives and our wills, which I still haven't finished, but - the intention was there.
But in the moment of dealing with so many different things at once, it was truly overwhelming, and I nearly lost my mind. I was just freaking out. Everything kept piling up. Oh, and I also care for my mom, who is almost 82. She has early-onset dementia, and she lives with me and my husband, and I'm responsible for her medical care, uh, keeping track of her finances, and things like that.
She does a lot of things on her own, but in the big picture, she's my responsibility, and I'm happy to be able to do that, but it's still one more thing.
But anyway, I had so much going on, and I just I felt like just throwing my hands up in the air and saying, "Nope. Not today. "
[00:06:00]
I know that my problems that I mentioned are truly first world problems. If I didn't have a house to live in, I wouldn't be shopping for homeowners insurance. If I didn't have kids in college, I wouldn't be doing financial aid forms.
So there's a lot of things to be grateful in there. But in the middle of it, when one thing on top of the other is just getting piled up, it can feel so much, and you just wanna be like, "Nope, not doing that. Not doing it today, not doing it tomorrow." But that's not realistic.
riverside_when_adulting feels ha..._sexton15's_studio: When we're feeling this overwhelm from adulting, it's really important to be able to release some of that stress. We may not be able to fix it all, but holding things inside is not helpful.
[00:07:00]
It's not helpful for working through the obligations that you have. It's not helpful for your health or for your relationships with the people around you.
Finding ways to cope is what makes all the difference in how we handle those situations because, honey, it is not gonna change.
And that's part of why I wanted to do this Evolving Together podcast because we can get through this better together than we can alone.
there's a few things we can do when feeling that overwhelm. Whether it's smaller issues that are just piled up to make it feel like it's something huge, or if it truly is something really, really big, stop.
[00:08:00]
Literally stop in your tracks. This can be sitting in your car before you open the door to come home, in the bathroom, in the shower.
It can be anywhere. When you're all caught up in that tangled mess of your thoughts and emotions, stop. Do not move a toe. If you're safe to do so, close your eyes.
Just stop and breathe. Breathe in slowly through your nose if you're able to. Hold that breath and then exhale even longer and do that like four or five times.
Do not move. Resist the temptation to move. Take that literally one minute to center yourself.
[00:09:00]
And a great way to do that is closing your eyes and taking long, deep, slow breaths.
Sometimes when I'm super stressed out, I feel like I cannot even get a deep breath, but that's okay. I can still stop and I can still breathe.
I will breathe as deeply as I can in that moment, but then I exhale long and slow. The magic for me is in the exhale.
That is where my nervous system starts to reset. And I will do this four, five, six, seven, eight times. However long it takes me to just kind of come down and have that pause.
[00:10:00]
The key here is you resist the temptation to move until you have taken those breaths.
And it doesn't matter what's going on in your head because you're just focused on those four or five breaths.
The next thing is to cry. Crying is a fantastic release. And I don't think we do enough of it, to be honest.
There is really nothing like a good cry to get it all out, and if you're a dude, you need to cry too.
[00:11:00]
Guys are not given permission to cry, and I think it's such a shame because it is one of the best releases possible, and when we're feeling this adulting stress, we need to have a way to get it out.
We can't make the stuff go away. Most of the stuff we could not run from, but we still have to get out that stress and that frustration.
Yes, you can probably cry too much. I'm not a professional, but I would say that if you find yourself crying all day long for days at a time, you probably need to see a professional.
[00:12:00]
The third thing is to talk to a non-judgmental friend, someone that you can have a really good bitch or vent session with, and the key here is non-judgmental because you're not looking necessarily for advice.
Now, if you want advice, great, but right now we're talking about that release and that download of just getting that stress out of our system.
[00:13:00]
And you need to tell your friend upfront, "Look, I'm not looking for advice. I really don't even want feedback. I just need you to hold that space for me. I need you to just listen and let me vent and get it out of my system."
And hopefully you have at least one friend that you can do that with.
Now, if you don't have a friend you can do that with or even if you do, the fourth thing that I really love is journaling and taking that pen or pencil to paper and writing down all the stuff that's got you caught up in your emotions.
[00:14:00]
And everything that's going on, the overwhelm, is a really fantastic way to dump it out.
I know some people don't like writing, they don't like journaling, it takes too long, their handwriting's messy, whatever, whatever.
You can also do a voice memo on your phone. You can do a voice to text. The goal is to just get it out of your system.
[00:15:00]
And now for the disclaimer. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice.
The views expressed are of our own and should not be taken as medical, legal, or financial guidance.
Always consult a qualified professional regarding your specific situation.
By listening, you agree that we are not liable for any actions taken based on this content.