Getting off the Relationship Escalator

In this episode, pastor Zach explores the concept of the "relationship escalator," a term coined by relationship researcher Amy Goran. Zach discusses how many people drift through relationships, moving from attraction to dating, sleeping together, living together, and marriage without intentional thought. This autopilot approach often leads to disillusionment and broken relationships. He contrasts this with God's design for relationships, which requires conscious decisions and commitment at each step. Zach encourages couples to take their time, ask important questions, and be intentional, emphasizing that following God’s plan leads to deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Creators & Guests

Host

Zach Weihrauch

Follower of Jesus who has graciously given me a wife to love, children to shepherd, and a church to pastor.

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[Applause]

[Music]

hello everyone thanks for listening to

wake up lookup a podcast where we

connect events happening in real time to

the Gospel of Jesus Christ I'm Zach wck

in today's episode we're talking about

getting off the relationship escalator

this is coming from something I read

this week in the Washington Post by

relationship journalist and researcher

Amy Goran who has coined a term she

calls the relationship escalator I I

love this idea it has to do with how

people end up married and more

specifically oftentimes how they end up

divorced and and here's what I mean or

maybe more appropriately what Amy means

she says two people meet and they're

attracted to each other and the natural

thing to do when they're attracted to

each other is to date and they go on a

few dates and it just makes sense to

them that they should start sleeping

together and then once they're sleeping

together it makes sense eventually you

should move in together and once you

move in together it makes sense you

should just go ahead and get married and

before you know it you end up married to

someone that you never really had a

conscious moment of thought about you

just kind of drift into it she calls it

the relationship escal es alator because

like an escalator you took one step and

got on it and next thing you know you're

at the second floor without putting

forth any effort and as a result of that

what can happen is a kind of whiplash

effect where people are getting divorced

earlier and earlier and they're

wondering how did I get here and her

point to them is you got there just by

being an autopilot I see this a lot in

the church two people that start dating

and the Assumption of both the community

and themselves is that they should just

keep moving to the next step I also

unfortunately see the exact pattern she

establishes in the church even including

sleeping together and living together

before marriage and it doesn't work

that's what she's saying it doesn't work

it often results in disillusionment and

in broken relationships and this is what

I'm always trying to get people to

understand on wake up lookup God's rules

God's design is not to limit or inhibit

you he's not keeping you from something

better to give you something worse no

it's the opposite God wants something

better for you which is why God's design

in the Bible is not an escalator but

more like one platform that you jump

from to the next in other words God's

design is that once you're attracted to

someone you begin to seek relationship

with them but from that point on if you

want to go any further you have to jump

you're not slowly descending or

ascending into sex and then into

marriage uh you are making a conscious

decision hey before I sleep with you or

before I I live with you I'm going to

commit to you the consequence of which

of course is that you're going to need

to think about making such a major leap

that's what leaping does if you can just

visualize if an escalator moves you up

without any thought jumping from one

thing to the next always requires

thinking and measuring and wondering do

I have it in me to make this leap and so

I just want to encourage you you

shouldn't autopilot or default into

anything let alone marriage this is why

churches have long sense championed

premarital counseling at my church we

call it exploring marriage that's

because we would say it isn't just for

couples that are getting married it's

for couples who are contemplating the

jump from one platform to the next

listen as Christians we have to

encourage couples to take their time to

ask hard questions to have good

conversations have you guys talked about

children have you talked about debt have

you talked about future plans there's so

many things that go into having a

meaningful Rich relationship making sure

you're able and willing to commit to

someone so if you're in a relationship

right now here's my encouragement first

of all all read a book together if

you're at CCC take the class exploring

marriage if for nothing else to prompt

some great conversations that get you

off the escalator and into actually

owning your life don't let the

relationship happen to you happen to it

the second thing is to realize that when

you drift through culture doing things

not God's way you don't end up in a

better place you end up in a worse place

and finally for friends family members

of those in a relationship stop assuming

and expecting that they just keep moving

up to a different level let them take

their time encourage them to have hard

conversations encourage them to move

with intention through the stages of

Life the hope would be that you're not

sitting there two years later going how

did I get here you're sitting there 40

years later going I'm so glad we got

here instead get off the escalator take

god seriously and look before you leave

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