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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
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Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring organizations through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples. Learnmore@youcanmentor.com or follow us on social media. You can mentor. On today's You Can Mentor Mentoring Minute, we're talking about ending a relationship. So what do you do whenever major life circumstances pop up that get in the way of your mentoring relationship?
Speaker 1:Maybe your mentee goes off to college or moves to a new community. Perhaps you get a new job and have to move across town or to another state. Or the promotion requires you to work a whole lot more than you used to. What if you started mentoring when you were, say, 24 and single? And now you have a family with a bunch of little kids running around and a spouse who needs you.
Speaker 1:You. Whatever the case may be, the reality is there will probably come a day when your mentoring relationship ends. And when this happens, finishing well and providing healthy closure is key in maintaining your mentee's positive outlook on the mentoring experience. For me, personally, whenever I was a child and in college, I had a lot of mentors in my life, and any time one would leave, I would take it personally. This had nothing to do with my mentor, but everything to do with my past.
Speaker 1:We must remember that our mentees are kids. Even if they're teenagers, they're still kids. And some have wounds, significant wounds, that haven't been healed yet. Grace has to abound with our mentees. You may do everything right, and why you're leaving the relationship might make total sense, but your mentee might still be hurt and mad at you.
Speaker 1:And that's okay because you're an adult, and you're strong and mature enough to absorb that. We must trust the Lord that he's gonna do the work on their heart whenever he's ready. Some of our mentees have been abandoned in the past, either by a family member or by another mentor. Kids who have been left are constantly looking for ways to avoid being hurt. They have a hard time believing the best.
Speaker 1:They tend to assume the worst, and with good reason. Getting into a relationship in the 1st place takes a ridiculous amount of courage. That's the thing about relationships. They can be risky. Why?
Speaker 1:Because you have to give trust. Trust that these people will do good by you and not hurt you. This is why leaving a mentoring relationship, even for good reasons, can be so hard. But I'm gonna give you 5 things you can do to help leave in the healthiest way possible. Number 1, celebrate.
Speaker 1:We suggest having some sort of event to celebrate your mentoring relationship. Invite everyone who is involved with the mentoring relationship, meaning your family, their family, in any mentoring organization who helped facilitate the relationship. Laugh, smile, talk about memories that you created and milestones that your mentee hit. Discuss all the good things that happened in your relationship. Make sure that you all leave with a smile.
Speaker 1:The second thing is use your network. If the mentee has a desire to continue to be mentored and it's okay with their parents, perhaps go through your network and see if anyone you know can take your place. You may be in a season where you don't have the margin mentor, but what about your coworker, your neighbor, your family member? If the mentee and their family agree to this new mentor, you can help create a new match. There's bonus points if the mentee already knows the new mentor and you can facilitate the exchange in person.
Speaker 1:Number 3, making promises. I encourage you to be careful about making promises that you are not sure you can keep. We all know that we have the best of intentions, but we do not wanna disappoint our mentees with unfulfilled promises. Please don't say, I'm gonna call you every Monday at 4 PM because that might not happen. And when it doesn't, your mentee might get even further hurt.
Speaker 1:Number 4, communicate. Even though you may not be formally mentoring your mentee anymore, that doesn't mean that you can't communicate with them. If you'd still like to stay connected to your mentee, find a time to talk and put it into your calendar. I know a mentor who called his former mentee every Sunday night at 8 PM for years. Now, of course, he put it in his calendar and made sure that there were proper expectations and didn't say, hey.
Speaker 1:I'm for sure gonna do this 100% of the time. He set the table up correctly. But it was just a cool deal to where his mentee was in college, and he called him, and they talked even after their formal mentoring relationship had expired. Especially as your mentee grows and matures, it's truly fun to watch them go from child to adult and from mentee to peer. Number 5 is to affirm them.
Speaker 1:Anytime someone leaves a mentee, especially a young child who has been left before, it can create an opportunity for the enemy to creep in and delight in them. I know for me, I would believe things like I did something wrong, and I'm unlovable, and this is always gonna happen to me. If you get the sense that your mentee is feeling abandoned by your leaving, dispel those potential lies by stating the truth. Affirm them. Say you did nothing wrong and I still care for you.
Speaker 1:You are lovable. This is more about me than you. And people will come and go, but that doesn't mean that they don't love you. So the 5 things, celebrate, use your network, don't make promises you're not sure you can keep, communicate and affirm them. Ending a relationship, especially with a mentee who you have grown close to, will always be a tough deal.
Speaker 1:But you can facilitate closure in a healthy way by celebrating what the Lord did in your relationship and setting your mentee up for future mentoring success. All good things must come to an end, and mentoring is no different. Thank you for listening to today's Mentoring Minute. If you like what you heard, please share it with a friend and find us on social media and our website, you can mentor.com for more. Thank you.
Speaker 1:You can mentor. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Please share this with other mentors and download our free resources on our website. You can also order Zach's book, You Can Mentor, or John's book, Mephipsheth, on Amazon. Lastly, we'd really appreciate it if you gave us a 5 star rating on whatever listening platform you are tuning in on.
Speaker 1:If you'd like to connect with us further, please contact us through our website because we're always looking for new guests or connections. Thank you. And remember, you can mentor.