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Leading Well is a short, impactful podcast for executive women, and the men who support them, who want to lead with purpose and show up well in every part of their lives.
Through 10–15 minute solo episodes, leadership coach and speaker Gretchen Schott shares insights, practical tools, and personal reflections that help you navigate people problems, lead with authenticity, and grow your confidence from the inside out.
Rooted in faith and designed to inspire, each episode ends with a brief prayer—an invitation to pause, reflect, and reconnect.
If you’re ready to build trust, clarity, and connection in your work and life, Leading Well is your weekly dose of encouragement and strategy.
[00:00:00] Gretchen Schott: I was new to a team and a woman on the team that I was working with said to me, “You know, like, you have so much passion and energy, you kind of are intimidating the team and being a new teammate” Like when I heard, “You are intimidating,” that goes against all of my core values. You're listening to Leading Well, the podcast for executive women and the men who support them, who are ready to lead with clarity.
[00:00:29] Gretchen Schott: Confidence and compassion. I'm your host, Gretchen Schott. Let's dive in.
[00:00:40] Gretchen Schott: Hey friends. Thanks for being here today. I wanna talk about feeling small. Even the most accomplished women, those running high performing teams, companies, entire industries, still have moments. When they feel small, not because they aren't capable, but because of the subtle and maybe not so subtle messages that they receive from others or that they tell themselves.
[00:01:13] Gretchen Schott: As I've thought through my own kind of career journey and my leadership journey, I know there have been times when I have felt very small. And when we think about feeling small, I, I like to think about this in a couple ways. One, there's like this inner voice, the things that we say to ourselves that make us feel small.
[00:01:36] Gretchen Schott: And then there's the outer voice, which are things that people say to us that we interpret and make ourselves feel small. And from that, there's a core impact that comes from a place of feeling overlooked. Resentful, undervalued. So let me talk first about this inner voice and how we make ourselves feel small.
[00:02:00] Gretchen Schott: The inner voice is that voice within you that says things like, if I say no, they're gonna think I'm not committed or I shouldn't speak up, or I don't belong at this table, or I don't belong at this event. Right? Those are those. Things and often unkind things we say to ourself that flirt with imposter syndrome and overabundance of trying to be perfect, a false belief that we have to always be available and always be on, right?
[00:02:39] Gretchen Schott: So if you have those kinds of thoughts about yourself, that's your inner voice trying to make you small. We think about the outer voice, right? Those things that are said to us. Now, these sometimes can be very subtle things that are said, and sometimes they're actually really blatant, right? So it…it's things that people say to us that make us shrink or we hear it and it makes us shrink, and it makes us doubt ourselves.
[00:03:04] Gretchen Schott: So an outer voice might be someone saying to you like, you're really intimidating or Calm down. Don't be so emotional. Or it might be, we don't know what to do with you. Right. In my own career, I can tell you I remember vividly a time when my inner voice made me feel small. I was working on this team and at the time I had had a, a new baby.
[00:03:26] Gretchen Schott: I had, I had three children, but my, my baby was probably like a year old. Um, my other child was, my son then was like five, and my oldest daughter was probably like eight. And there was an event at work. We had worked all day. We had a long meeting. And then the team. Was going to dinner afterwards and I couldn't go to the team meeting because I needed to leave to go get my kids and bring them home.
[00:03:51] Gretchen Schott: And I remember feeling so upset and literally had the whole fomo, like I am missing out. Even though it was said like, Hey, if you guys can't make it, it's fine. We know like we've been working all day. So if you can't make your dinner, that's okay. No big deal. We'll see you in the morning. There was no pressure for me to be there, but I just felt like I was gonna miss out.
[00:04:13] Gretchen Schott: Like they were gonna talk about something miraculous and I was gonna miss it. So much so that I remember, like, going and picking up my children. And being very harried and, and, um, picking them up and like trying to get home really quick. And the whole time I'm driving to get the kids, I'm rushing getting 'em home.
[00:04:33] Gretchen Schott: And the whole time that I'm driving home, I'm literally trying to put through in my head, like, how can I get them home and then get back to the dinner, right where it was gonna be, like an hour drive, like home all the things, like there was no way I was going to make this dinner. But I kept trying to go through this monologue in my head of like, well, if I do this and I do that and do this.
[00:04:51] Gretchen Schott: And, you know, I got home and I was being short with my kids and I was like rushing 'em through, like trying to eat. My husband came home and I was being short with him, and he finally was like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, I just, I feel bad that I'm missing this dinner. And he said, you know, why? And I was like, I, I don't know.
[00:05:06] Gretchen Schott: I just, I feel like I'm gonna be missing out. Like they're gonna think that I'm not as dedicated because I'm not there to the point where I was like texting my teammates asking them like, how's it going? What are you guys eating? How is it? How are things going? And I found out the next morning, like they were all making fun of me, which they should have 'cause I was lame.
[00:05:25] Gretchen Schott: What ended up happening, instead of me just being graceful and like recognizing the fact that I had responsibilities outside of work to my family, to my children, which quite frankly were the more important responsibilities, my inner voice kept making me feel small. Like, I'm not gonna get promoted, I'm not gonna be valued, I'm not gonna be important enough.
[00:05:44] Gretchen Schott: And they literally were like making jokes like, oh my gosh, you guys, here's your goals. Let's guess what she's gonna text next. Who's gonna text next? And it was so embarrassing. So the next morning I was so embarrassed, right? So this is just like one example. Maybe you can relate, like that's a way in which I made myself feel small, thinking about that outer critic.
[00:06:00] Gretchen Schott: And a time where I allowed someone to make me feel small was. I was on a team, I was new to a team, and a woman on the team that I was working with said to me, you know, like you have so much passion and energy, you kind of are intimidating the team. And being a new teammate, like when I heard you are intimidating.
[00:06:21] Gretchen Schott: That goes against all of my core values. My core values are rooted in respect, integrity, um, humility, and. When she said to me, you're kind of intimidating. You're making everybody feel intimidated. I took that as I am. I must be doing something wrong. I must be making people uncomfortable. And I gave a lot of power to this statement and to this person that said that to me.
[00:06:55] Gretchen Schott: And so what did I do at our next team meeting? I like. Overcompensated on making sure I was being very nice, making sure I was complimenting people when I was giving direction for a project. I was posturing it with like, if that's okay with you guys and you know, if, if everyone's all right with this. And as a result, the direction I gave, like, nobody understood it was so unfocused.
[00:07:23] Gretchen Schott: It was so unclear. And a few days later, I had one of my teammates come up to me and ask me like, what's wrong? Like, you feel you're acting weird, right? And I realized that I was making myself different. I wasn't showing up as my best self because I received this feedback and I gave power to it without really asking the question.
[00:07:47] Gretchen Schott: Is that true? Right? And so if you find yourself. Feeling overwhelm or feeling that you're making yourself small or feeling small. Right? Because I, I've, I've been there too where I've walked into a room and I look around and I feel like maybe, maybe this isn't where I'm supposed to be. Right? If you have that, if you feel that smallness, here's what I want you to do.
[00:08:10] Gretchen Schott: The first thing I wanna say is you can acknowledge the smallness without being small, so. The first thing is ask yourself, is this something that I'm doing to myself, right? This feeling that I have? Is this something I'm doing to myself? Is this my inner voice telling me something, right? Am I choosing unkind words?
[00:08:32] Gretchen Schott: Am I choosing unrealistic beliefs? Am I creating a story of what is expected about my behavior, who I am? With nothing that actually indicates that that's true. It's just some false belief. I have to be perfect to be available all the time, to be something that I'm not actually being asked to be or have been constructed to be.
[00:08:54] Gretchen Schott: Second thing is if the reason you're feeling small is not because of something that you said, ask yourself, am I, am I giving power to someone who isn't worthy of this influence over my life? Am I giving power to someone who isn't worthy? Of influence in my life because we can receive feedback and Leading Well is being open and receptive to feedback.
[00:09:20] Gretchen Schott: We don't have to accept all the feedback that we're given. We get to choose what we do with that. And so if there's an outer critic, an outer voice that's making you feel small, ask yourself, why am I allowing this to have influence in my life? And then choose how you wanna receive that. And so with this, I like to be guided with, uh, spirituality.
[00:09:45] Gretchen Schott: I like to be guided with faith, and so a verse that I believe kind of speaks into this idea of getting clear on who we are. On embracing all of the abundance and the beauty and the light that we are, God's Words are beauty. God's words are loving. God's words are kind words, and so I often choose to pray with a verse or two.
[00:10:11] Gretchen Schott: I do a practice called Lectio Divina, where I, I read a verse. I read it three times and just kind of sit quietly with the Holy Spirit to allow that to kind of overflow me. So I wanna share a verse that I think speaks into this idea of overcoming this smallness and recognizing that you're really powerful.
[00:10:33] Gretchen Schott: All that you need has already been given to you. You just have to believe it's there and trust in God's mighty hand in your life. And so for the prayer, I wanna take a moment and get us centered. And I wanna read to you the verse from Romans 12:2. So let's just take a moment here. Take a deep breath in and blow that out.
[00:11:05] Gretchen Schott: Maybe you're in your car and you're listening to this, so just take a moment to just be quiet. Just be still. And invite the Holy Spirit to transform you with his words.
[00:11:26] Gretchen Schott: Romans 12:2 states, do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then. You'll be able to test and approve what God's will is his good, pleasing and perfect.
[00:11:57] Gretchen Schott: I love that verse because it talks about transforming and renewing our mind. If you are feeling small. And not powerful. Now is the time to transform your mind, to transform your thoughts, transform your beliefs, and recognize that you are seen, you are loved, and you are worthy. I hope that this message speaks to you today.
[00:12:33] Gretchen Schott: And that if it does, maybe you can share it with somebody else. Are you ready to lead? Well? Sign up for my newsletter or connect with me to have a personal consultation, subscribe and like the show, and I'd be so grateful. If you left a review ready to lead well or need some coaching and encouragement, sign up for my newsletter or reach out for a personal consultation.
[00:12:56] Gretchen Schott: If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe and leave a review.