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Join James Petrossi in 'Leave the Feed: 30 Days of Disconnect' as he interviews creators and mental health advocates about their journeys, the digital quagmire, and tips to create a healthier relationship with social media.
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James Petrossi: Hello and welcome to Leave the Feed 30 Days of Disconnect Today is day 26 and I'm joined by Alexa West to talk about the Kaleidoscope Effect Alexa welcome to the show
alexa: Thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here.
James Petrossi: No better person to talk about this than you because of your expertise in travel So let's talk about that What sparked your journey travel and where has that path taken you
alexa: Yeah, so I became a. Full-time professional traveler at 22. And that's because I came from a very small town and I lived in this little small town bubble and I was in college and I had this moment, it, it involved a boy, but well, you know, leave the boy [00:01:00] aside. It involved this moment where I realized that I could stay in America, get married, stay in my bubble.
Or I could just do something really crazy and get on a one-way ticket and just leave the country. And that's what I did. So when I was 22, I joined the Peace Corps and I moved to Bulgaria for two years. And I wanted to, I wanted to help people and I wanted to travel, not just as a tourist, but I wanted to really understand people.
So that's how it started. And then I just kept going after that.
James Petrossi: Talk about your interest in understanding people and where that came from
alexa: Oh my goodness. As I look back on my life just recently, I realize that I was always such a troublemaker in high school and. I was getting kicked outta school and I was getting in so much trouble because I was never content with just sticking to the people I knew and the path that I knew. I was always wanting to understand different groups [00:02:00] of people or different like subcultures.
And so that took me to study sociology and criminology at UDub in Seattle, and I think. I was always really bothered by this statement that we hear a lot, which is everybody just wants the same thing around the world. We're all so different, but we all just want the same thing. And I just knew that that couldn't be true.
And so I wanted to travel and I wanted to just know what do people want? Does, does a mom and dad in America want the same thing as a mom and dad in Asia? And the answer is absolutely not. And I, I wanted to know that. Yeah.
James Petrossi: Now talk about the one-way ticket from when you first leave to where the journey continues So where did all of these how did they unfold and where did you learn in this experience
alexa: See, so Bulgaria was a two year commitment and. When that was over, I just realized that I wasn't ready to go back to my bubble, [00:03:00] and I just kept finding opportunities. As you do when you start traveling, you just start finding opportunities for you. And the next opportunity that I found was teaching English in South Korea for two years.
So I moved to South Korea for two years and I got to spend every day with, you know, these. Kindergartners and these kids that I got to know over years and understanding their culture and their parents. And after that I went to Taiwan for a year and then I backpacked around Southeast Asia a lot and that's when I started my guidebook series in Southeast Asia and Bali for two years and somehow made it back to Seattle where I'm half based now.
James Petrossi: Now you mentioned earlier that some people say, We all want the same thing We all have the same desires Are there unifying desires that we have And what are they And then you mentioned that there are differentiations within cultures and what people are seeking Where do we land as humans in that global experience
alexa: Man, that's a big, that's a big question. [00:04:00] You know, I heard a story one time of someone who was a therapist in war torn Africa and. This woman was saying that she thought she was gonna go down to this war torn area and help people with war. And she said that all of the women and men that came to her, they actually just wanted to talk about their relationships.
They wanted to talk about their boyfriend or their husband. And they wanted to talk about the little things that were going on in their life, which is just shocking and just something that's so funny almost. And I found that to be true. I found that. Your interpersonal relationships are the most important to you.
No matter where you are, no matter if you are living in, you know a refugee camp on the border of Burma and Thailand, you know what's in front of you is the most important thing to you. And I know that we're gonna be talking about this, but with social media, we have a million people on our phone every day.
But really, humans are built to. [00:05:00] Interact and know about 150 people like evolutionary. we're built to, to know that village of our own. And I found that to be true. And what I found not to be true is that, you know, I. And this is something that most volunteers will learn, especially in their first, like time out of the country volunteering.
I went to other places thinking every woman wants to be this like badass girl with a job and a career and like have her own money and her own, and that's not true. That's what I want. That's what my friends want. That's not what everybody wants. And, and it's not my job to try and force that on anyone because that's, you know, not for everyone.
So I found this whole universe of. We all are human beings at the end of the day. We love our mom, we love our dad, we love our our village, but we don't all want the same things, and that is okay.
James Petrossi: Let's talk about social media for a little bit because as someone who's traveling I imagine you're [00:06:00] capturing a lot of content and how has social media affected your mental health Let's talk about the positives first
alexa: Okay. Well, I would actually like to tell you a story that I have never told in public before. it's the story that has shaped. A lot of my life I was on a spiritual quest about five years ago. Still am, and I did an ayahuasca ceremony. Are you familiar?
James Petrossi: Yes
alexa: Yes. So beautiful plant medicine and ayahuasca.
The way I explain it is like there's these chapters, they call the medicine the grandmother, and there's these chapters of lessons she takes you through and the most prominent lesson. That I had five years ago during this beautiful ayahuasca ceremony that changed my life was there was this beautiful mountain range that was like neon and there were these women floating up above, almost like there was like cell towers, like cell phone towers, but were in this most beautiful remote wilderness and these women are on their phones.
[00:07:00] And Ayahuasca showed me taking them by the ankles and pulling them back down to the ground and it said, this is your purpose. And by now I've already started my guidebook series and I've already started this journey of leading women offline I thought, or, you know, into new cultures.
But Ayahuasca told me it is my job to take women from online, offline and pull them down. And so that's what I've been doing for the past four or five years. on my group trips, so I do group trips for women and a lot. These group trips are based around completely disconnecting from the internet.
So I'm, I'm actually leaving tomorrow for a five day Mexico retreat that I'm taking 13 women on, and two and a half days of those are completely unplugged from the internet. And on my river rafting trips, we do like five, six days completely unplugged. So it's been a really funny experience for me with social media because.[00:08:00]
It is my job to go online to bring women offline. So I have this like little balance in between. But for me, using social media as that tool has been a really positive experience because I see it as my tool for my purpose. So that's the, that's the positive.
James Petrossi: That story Goosebumps I'm just starting to calm down from it because it's beautiful And you know what a vision and to know that you're doing that in that online to offline I think is something that
alexa: Hmm.
James Petrossi: a lot of people aspire to bring to others Now there's an inherent challenge with traveling cause I feel like we go to travel and we wanna capture as much as we can and we wanna share those bragging rights and share those stories whatever they may be And how challenging is it For people to relinquish their phone and just the journey of discovery and that soulful connection to the place that they're visiting
alexa: Well, let's see. Yeah, I guess it depends where you're going. So [00:09:00] my bestselling guidebook is for Bali, and Bali is a. Island that is so spiritual, you could be so offline, but it's so online. Like people are there for the cafes and the beaches and stuff like that. So if you're going to Bali, you might have a harder time, but if you are going on a trip knowing that your intention is to get offline, it's still gonna be a little difficult because it's so unnatural for us these days to unplug, which is very sad.
But like on these river rafting trips that I do. The very first time I did one of these trips, I learned that. It took me, and it still takes me about three days to stop dreaming of my inbox. Like I dream of my email inbox. I have those moments of you get on a raft and you start going down a river and you're like, oh my God.
Like, did I text that person back? Oh my gosh, did I put a, an autoresponder on? And you have this like super anxious attachment and then something happens on morning three if you can, if you get rid of your [00:10:00] phone and you don't have a choice. On these rivers, if you get rid of your phone, something happens on morning three where you just don't care.
You just don't care. But how do we get people to get to morning three? You know, on a river you're forced to, in Bali you're not gonna, you're gonna pick up your phone 'cause you're also gonna look at Google Maps or you're gonna check something and then your thumb is gonna do that weird little thing that we do, which is just like, it pops right over, like muscle memory to Instagram and opens Instagram.
So. I found that literally taking people on intentional unplugging retreats is kind of the way to get people addicted to unplugging.
James Petrossi: You mentioned those moments when hey it's day three and all of a sudden I've forgotten I've relinquished that connection What other challenges have you faced as someone that has to create content how has it affected your own mental health
alexa: Ugh, we know I was born in 1988. I'm one of those lucky few that grew up [00:11:00] without the internet and then was given the internet. And I think my nature is to use social media as a tool, but when I think about like the creating content, I hate, I hate the concept of creating content. I just think that everything is like content.
Content, like what is that? So I try with my social media. To create community and to connect with my readers and to connect with my people. I love that part of social media. I love getting messages every day. Like one of the first things that I do in the morning, I try not to do it in bed. One of the first things I do is I open my inbox and I respond to messages from people who are traveling and that need me, and I love that.
But then the sucky part comes of, I start scrolling and I just wish there was like some kind of app or something that would get rid of the home feed if I didn't have the home feed. And I didn't have this like comparison or I didn't have this, you know, all these influencers being like top 10 best things to do [00:12:00] in Bali or something like that.
I think I would really love social media, but I definitely have this love hate relationship. I think it's a great tool to connect, but I also think it's just so toxic.
James Petrossi: And how do you find yourself comparing your journey to other influencers Like you mentioned someone else that might be posting about Bali or someone else that's in your space How does that affect you and how do you make sure you stay true to yourself in that process
alexa: When I started on social media, like the word influencer hadn't existed yet. I think I was one of the first like travel.
James Petrossi: I
alexa: Influencers or something like that. It's affected me in that I, I get bitter because I think a lot of people travel for the wrong reasons, and I think that I'm stubborn and that I refuse to jump into this top 10.
Best places or top 10 reasons to go to some destination, or I get bitter seeing [00:13:00] these travelers saying that I'm gonna go to 30 destinations before I'm 30, and I just start asking, why? Why are you doing that? Like, what is it that you want us to learn from you? You want us to think that you're just some amazing traveled person, you haven't connected with anyone.
If you've gone to 30 countries in, you know, a couple years, who have you connected with? So. That's, that's what bothers me is that I, I fear that travel has lost its soul, you know, and I think that that's why it's really important what I'm doing, I think my purpose is so important is to remind people why we travel.
We don't travel to take a bunch of photos, you know, we travel to maybe, maybe that's it. It's just I want people to ask themselves, why am I doing this? Why?
James Petrossi: Yeah let's talk about the why because it really dovetails nice into the kaleidoscope effect
alexa: Mm-hmm.
James Petrossi: the purpose of travel and [00:14:00] you think travel is so important and what about travel broaden our perspectives not necessarily to fall in line with the belief systems of another culture but to give our lens our vantage point more color more contextualization So when we are in a situation like social media we're not judging or feeling that division and we can have more unity and peace and embrace the differences of culture
alexa: You know how people say go travel to like find out who you are. I like to think of go travel to find out. Who you are in the world. Like not just who you are in your soul, because you already know who you are in your soul. But when you go to travel and put yourself in different cultures, you start finding out like your purpose and your role in the world.
Rather than saying that I'm just going to be, you know, I'm the best version of myself and I'm gonna go teach everyone about me, it's, you go to find, let the world teach you [00:15:00] who you are, you know?
James Petrossi: What types of lessons can we learn from immersing ourselves in culture rather than doing a Quick visit grab some photos and knock it off our passport list Like how do we make sure that we immerse ourselves to truly gain that understanding and reach within ourselves and also make sure that we break bread with cultures that seem somewhat different to us I
alexa: If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I'm very close with my drivers in Bali, so it would be very easy for me to just get in a car, get in a taxi, have a driver, and have him take me to place, you know, from A to B and then say goodbye. Or you can get in that car with that driver and you can ask him about his family.
You can ask him, you know, can you take me to the best lunch spot that you know, and you can get to know that person? And I think. The biggest thing we can do is to slow down and realize that life and travel is about people. It's not necessarily [00:16:00] about the beautiful beach. It might be the guy that serves you a coconut on the beach, and it might not be about, you know, the first class trip might be the flight attendant.
I've met some great flight attendants from a lot of great other countries, I think it's more about. Getting to know someone, someone not an entire country. Get to know someone and what's important to them, and have conversations. Ask them questions, ask people questions, and it's gonna surprise you.
I think that if I had stayed in like my little bubble of Gig Harbor Washington, which I love, great town, you know, all I'm gonna have is, is this echo chamber. And once you travel, you can still stay in an echo chamber. If you travel to an all-inclusive and you don't ask anyone any questions, you're still in an echo chamber, but I think it's about understanding that conversation and questions.
Starts unlocking the way you think. It starts making you realize, oh, [00:17:00] we don't all want the same things. Oh, we don't all need the same things. Oh, we don't all have the same values, motivations, and that's cool. I think that social media has done something really sucky, which is making us think that either we're all the same.
The algorithm tells you that we all think the same, or it tells you that we're all so different, but if you start talking to people, you realize there's a middle ground and that we're not all gonna fit into one box or the other. I just think that that. Might be the most important part of travel is realizing that we're not in, we're either so different where we're either the same, there is so much in between.
And just allowing that to happen. Trying not to label every person or trying not to label every experience. Just let, let life be confusing. You don't need to figure everything out. Let life be confusing, let people be different. Does that make sense or is that just a jumble of words?
James Petrossi: that makes sense And it's great to let life be confusing It's a little bit of a mess and if we try to control it and figure it all out we'll realize that we've actually Lost more [00:18:00] control than we ever imagined
alexa: Yes.
James Petrossi: said there is It is a beautiful experience when someone has the ability to go travel to another destination whether
alexa: Mm-hmm.
James Petrossi: whether it's working in the Peace Corps and have these enriching experiences Some people travel is a little bit out of reach but to your point they're looking at social media and there's a comparison or there's a judging and it's hard to find that Common ground or that understanding or really even to have an admiration for another culture you might be eating their food and not even know what it's about or the stories
alexa: Yeah.
James Petrossi: So how can we become a traveler in our own cities in our own backyards to help us understand that human connection That really unites us The conversations just to get to know culture and people more
alexa: I was reading the chapter on the Kaleidoscope Effect, and I think you were mentioning something about [00:19:00] Japanese food, right? Yeah, and just going to a restaurant that is okay here in Seattle, there's a lot of Ethiopian restaurants, and I know I've never been to Ethiopia, I know nothing about the food.
And going to these restaurants has just been blowing my mind because it's like you're in a little vortex without a a plane. You get to go into a little vortex and you get to sit amongst these cultures. Restaurants, food. Food for me is like the, I love to travel for food. I think that food is more about, about people, culture, history, families.
That's a huge one, is just, just eat your way through your town and, and go to the restaurant that scares you. go try something different and research it before, get to know the food before, get to know like the history of the food before. And all of a sudden now you have this beautiful travel moment in your own town.
And it sounds so simple and it is.
James Petrossi: Now what's next in your journey Where do you go from here as a travel enthusiast an author an [00:20:00] educator a community builder What's next in your story
alexa: So many big things are coming. I am so excited. I have had so much patience over the past, gosh, eight years of publishing the Solo Girls Travel Guide as a, as an indie book company, and we're expanding. I'm finally, finally gonna get the support that I need to expand and help women travel to more destinations.
We have more books coming, but what I'm most excited about is that my group trips are expanding and here's the fun fact I. 80% of travelers visit only 10% of the world's destinations. So that means like, you know, everyone that you know is going to the same places, right? They're going to Paris, they're going to Bali, they're going to Thailand.
But there's so many other experiences out there. And so what I'm focusing on in my company, solo Girls Trips, is. More experienced travel, so river rafting for example, or what I'm doing tomorrow. I'm taking all these girls [00:21:00] to Mexico and Baja or Mexico and we're going into a this island where we are glamping away from everyone and everything, and we're gonna go swim with whale sharks and sea lions, and.
It's my goal still to follow this ayahuasca experience and to take women from online to offline, and I feel like that's a luxury these days is to go from online to offline, and I'm just really excited to just keep following that purpose and that path.
James Petrossi: I love that disconnection is a central theme in this story
alexa: Mm-hmm.
James Petrossi: giving women in terms of travel experiences Now there's people listening right now that are going on their own journey a disconnect Connection journey some of them for 30 days with the Leave the Feed challenge are just hoping to get some inspiration of how do I have healthier social media habits and get more in touch with myself and the world around me would be your advice or your encouragement for anyone that's struggling with social [00:22:00] media addiction and struggling with finding peace inside of the feed
alexa: It starts with your morning. If you, I find if I start my day with a phone. My day continues with the phone, but if I can just fight that urge of dopamine in the morning and not start from my day with the phone, start my day with, you know a meditation or an EFT tapping or a walk in the morning with just, you know, a macha latte rather than my phone.
I find that the rest of my day is not as addicted to picking up my phone. I really just think the morning matters.
James Petrossi: Any other parting words of wisdom for anyone that is looking to travel and doesn't know what type of experience they should be looking for and why What would be your advice to someone that says I need to get out there but and why Where do I go What do I do
alexa: Okay, I have two answers. My first answer is. I always recommend Thailand as a first destination [00:23:00] for solo travelers. It's so friendly that people are so friendly and so safe. And two, if you wanna step it up a little, look for an unplugged experience. It's luxury now look for an unplugged experience. Look for, you know one of my friends just did a silent meditation, a silent retreat for 10 days.
That's pretty crazy. But if you can find something that forces you to put your phone down or doesn't have the best wifi do that, you're gonna be way more present. You are going to get your money's worth and that you're way more present, not just picking up your phone to take photos. Literally like trick yourself into being more present by choosing experiences that help you disconnect from your phone.
James Petrossi: Incredible Thank you so much for your insights your wisdom your knowledge and for sharing your journey and experience I really appreciate you Thanks so much
alexa: Thanks for having me.
James Petrossi: and for those of you listening please share Leave the Feed with a friend Don't be afraid to [00:24:00] disconnect and have an epic day