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The Iron Lab Podcast: raw, real, unfiltered, unfinished conversations about trying to EAT, SLEEP, TRAIN and LIVE a messy, imperfect life. Support, accountability, fun and authenticity.
Coach Jo 00:09
Welcome to Perfectly Unfinished Conversations, the Iron Lab podcast with Coach Jo…
Coach Kim 00:14
…and Coach Kim…
Coach Jo 00:15
Where you ride shotgun with us as we have raw, real, unfiltered, and unfinished conversations about trying to eat, sleep, train, and live with some integrity in a messy, imperfect life.
Coach Kim 00:27
We're all about creating a strong support system, taking radical personal responsibility, having fun, and being authentic. And one of the most common themes you're going to find in this podcast is the idea that we create positive momentum in our life, by doing what we call b-minus work.
Coach Jo 00:45
We’re making gains and getting ahead and loving life without self-sabotaging our goals by striving for perfection. We get it done by moving ahead…
Coach Kim 00:55
…before we're ready…
Coach Jo 00:56
…when we aren't feeling like it…
Coach Kim 00:58
…and without hesitation.
Coach Jo 1:00
Be sure to subscribe now on Apple or Spotify, so you don't miss a single episode. It’s good enough. Let's go.
Coach Kim 01:10
Welcome back. It's episode five of Perfectly Unfinished Conversations. And this episode is all about my crazy phone addiction.
Coach Jo 01:25
I'm laughing because that was, that was just not practiced or anything.
Coach Kim 01:30
Well I don't want to. I'm always practicing speaking from the “I”, like, I can't offer up that it's “our” crazy phone addiction, because that would be speaking for you. And maybe you don't feel like you're addicted to your phone. But I have noticed that I'm resentful about how attached I am to my phone.
Coach Jo 01:48
Yea, I gotcha. I mean, it is that time of the age of human, where we are all looking into these little screens. And I, we could say that we're not attached to them. But when you really truly look at the bigger picture of it all, I guarantee most of us would silently put up our hand with everyone's eyes closed be like it's me. I'm addicted as well.
Coach Ki. 02:08
Well, so, let's talk about how this started. Why I wanted to have a podcast about this specific topic and, and it's because I was having a bubble bath, I take my phone in the bathtub. It's probably dumb. I've wrecked more electronic things in water than I…
Coach Jo 02:25
She has. This is her second laptop.
Coach Kim 02:28
But it's like relaxation, decompress time. So I run a bubble bath I get in and then I scroll and I watch and I listen and I read and I post and I do all kinds of stuff. It's just the way that it goes. And I had this moment, you know, in meditation when people talk about witnessing themselves, witnessing themselves think or witnessing themselves sitting in the room where they kind of for a flick of a second they get like a perspective where they see themself in a way, like where they're thir person. Yeah, like, it's hard to explain. But I had this moment in the bathtub where it was almost like a kind of zoned out where my vision got deep. And I could see the phone in my hand. But I could also see like the other side of the room. And I could see myself this, you know, the bigness of the bathroom inside the house inside the town inside the world. And here's me in the bathtub, staring at this black fucking screen. And I was like, it was like this was like, I don't know how to describe it. But that's kind of like, it was like witnessing myself zone out, using up my time staring into this phone falling down the rabbit hole.
Coach Jo 3:48
And how did that make you feel?
Coach Kim 3:50
Well, it was just like it. It was just the realization that I mean, it's one thing to lay in the bathtub and soak and you know, shave your legs and all that kind of stuff. It's another thing to lay in the bathtub, and then fall into the abyss of, of somebody else's bullshit or not even bullshit. I mean, there's lots of great stuff out there, but like it's wasting time. Like it was like it was this moment of like, I could be doing other things. And here I am. Scrolling, looking at other people's dumb stuff.
Coach Jo 04:21
You know, I've heard you say before, you know, I can easily be in a bath for up to a whole hour. You know, I just enjoy my time. Now my question to you is, is how much of that is Doom scrolling?,
Coach Kim 04:31
Well, yeah totally. And you call it Doom scrolling, but I don't really know what that means. Like Doom scrolling, because I'm not seeking out bad stuff.
Coach Jo 04:39
No, no, it doesn't mean bad. It just means like rabbit hole. You just keep getting deeper deeper, deeper and then before you know it all of a sudden you've been in there for Holy shit 30 minutes has past.
Coach Kim 04:47
Well, and and we've I think we've all had that realization where like, literally, it feels like you don't realize that 30 minutes has passed. It's 30 minutes of my life gone looking at *spit sound*
Coach Jo 05:06
Oh my gosh, that whole thing I know. And then actually, my brain has been on that thing for the sense of..
Coach Kim 05:12
Okay, what is your thing? What's your thing?
Coach Jp 05:13
Okay, the thing is that here's the Stanley Cup Finals and my personal team, the Oilers, that I love, are in the finals. And then media designed by men behind closed doors want to bring attention to that and throw it in mainstream? Because ain't no woman going to be like, Oh my gosh, look at this video. How awesome is that? So I was like, Why are you taking away from the Stanley Cup Finals?
Coach Kim 05:34
Literally? Okay, I've got a, I'm not going to say literally again. So that is, stop me punch me in the shoulder, if I say literally. Okay, so I'm in New Brunswick, and we're having supper, and my girlfriend's 16 year old daughter, they're talking about this. And I'm like, What are you talking about? I had no clue what it was. And when I watch it, I'm like, give me a fucking break.
Coach Kim 06:04
Yeah, it’s another viral meme thing, you know.
Coach Kim 06:06
What a waste of life and attention span. So that's kind of, you know, like, that's sort of where my head is, at a lot of the time, where what I've kind of gotten to is, is realizing that and acknowledging, I want to acknowledge that I know, I spend a lot of time on my phone.
Coach Jo 06:23
Yeah, you're very honest.
Coach Kim 06:24
Yeah. And, and I have for over a decade, it's always been attached to me in the roles that I'm in with marketing, and being on social media and having that responsibility where you've got to talk about a product or an event or a person or a, you know, that's how you promote things in this business. Like, it's not like, it's not like I'm, I guess I feel some shame around it when somebody because there are there have been people who are like, oh, yeah, Kim, you're so addicted to your phone, you're always on social media, then I feel ashamed about it. And the simple fact of the matter is, is that, you know, I'm willing to own the fact that I don't have great boundaries with it. And I probably do need to do a better job of it. But every one is attached. Everyone is attached in a way that I don't think we intend to be attached. And we probably don't, you know, like, we probably don't recognize the full impact of our attachment on the quality of our life. Like, I think it's really hard to be objective and see that. And so, yeah, you know, I am on it a lot. And I probably do need better boundaries, but so is fucking everybody else. It's our music. It's our photos. It's our banking information. It's our telephone, like, you gotta touch it, and you got to be on it. And even if you're not out, outright verbal, you know, posting and sharing and commenting and promoting things and being present, and you don't have an online presence. You're still there. Taking it in.
Coach Jo 08:00
Yeah, I think you just talked about wasting time, like how much time we waste. But I also feel that when you're on your phone, you're not present to what is happening around you. And that I mean, it could be correlated with waste of time. But when you're not present, you're not dreaming, you're not when I say dreaming, I'm thinking about the stuff you want to do in the future, like, what do I want to achieve in my life? What's my purpose? And what do I… you're just kind of zoned out. And a lot of that is because people are using their phones as coping mechanisms to completely zone out of the duties the task just to help this time pass. You know what I mean? And I'm totally one of those people when I had young babies, and I'd breastfeed in the middle of the night. I mean, I would think about what did the older populations and they had 80s, the 70s 60s and they would read books and here I am and I'm just scrolling through social media. I'm like, gosh, oh, how great this is invention is but I'm like no, this is actually not that great. So I have those blue light on my face in 2am, 5am.
Coach Kim 09:03
Yeah, yeah, I was a breastfeeder before there was social media and handheld devices. And I used to help hold my baby and stare into their face and doze while I breastfed my baby like you didn't do anything else. You nurture your baby and went back to bed. Yeah, but you know, like, there are so many things that we could touch on in what you just said, zoning out, using it as a buffer, using it as a way to detach, decompress, buffer our life, the things that don't feel good are exhaustion or boredom, or inability to like, be happy with what we have. We'll just be like, Oh, well, let's go see what's new on the phone.
Coach Jo 09:42
Yeah, and you gotta feel it to heal it and a lot of our emotions right now are just being pushed down further. Oh, I have a little bit of anxiety. Let me go to my phone, ah, all those dopamine hits. Whereas if people actually dealt with the true nature of the beast, which is you know, stress, anxiety, maybe you're not dealing with your emotions with your family are a communication where you need to have that hard conversation with someone, we just bypass everything. You need to feel it in order to heal it, and that’s a bigger thing.
Coach Kim 10:09
And it’s preventing it. Yeah, phone use is one of those things, no different than food or alcohol or drugs. It's another addiction. Yeah, that is getting in the way of us being able to connect to the true nature of ourselves…
Coach Jo 10:25
Ourselves and humans beside us.
Coach Kim 10:27
Yeah. And true, like our truth, whatever is happening inside of us. So I want to go back though, because we talked about briefly wasted time. And one of the things that like kind of thinking about this podcast that I that I wrote down was, if the average person is consuming up to five hours, on average, interrupted, broken up, work time, mindlessly scrolling, checking your bank account, looking at text messages, like if over the watching Netflix, if over the course of one day, you are using up five hours of your life, that equates to 76 days a year. 76 days that you have stared into this black flat screen picking up not even, not even so much about the wasted time. Really like it is, that's, you know, it is about that. But also, it's like consuming other people's stuff. Yeah, I'm not I'm not adding any value to my own life. I'm I'm eating up nine second fucking clips of other people's crap, or, and sometimes it’s great content. Yeah, but there are times I'm also aware of when I'm consuming and consuming and consuming and comparing and judging and, and going, Oh, that's a great idea. Oh, that's good. Oh, I'm not building anything of my own. I'm just eating up everybody else's content.
Coach Jo 11:59
Yeah. And I also want to touch the point of this is that, you know, we're not like, bashing anybody’s social media use or what they're doing versus wanting to have a conversation about it. And it's very hard for Kim and I specifically because in our industry and with owning brick and mortar fitness, but also having online where we help clients with our Metabolic Blueprint Program, is that a lot of our promotion has to happen through social media, and to stay relevant on an algorithm like you got to be posting and you got to be interacting, and you have to be in the thing, and engaged and engaged in the thing. And that's where there's a lot of, you know, confliction with what we want and what we what we need to do, but there's times where we love doing it. And social media is so fun for us. And then there's times where, you know, like me who just went on a holiday where I'm like, I need a fucking break. Yeah, I don't want it. I didn't post anything. Like I was like, maybe a couple stories about my trip with my kids or doing some cute big group photo, I just want to put my phone on airplane mode. And I didn't want to be on my device at all. Like, it's, it's tough, because that's part of our role. It's part of our job, per se. There's days we enjoy it. And there's days that we're like, bah, and want to scream about it.
Coach Kim 13:10
Yeah. And I hope that it didn't sound like I was bashing anyone. I'm always only talking about what I'm observing in myself. Right. And and this is where, you know, like, I started out by saying how ashamed I feel and how then I get defensive and how this is my job. And even when you talk about the remote nature of our business, like, I am literally looking at my phone all day, from the time I wake up and hit the off button on my alarm, I see notifications. Then if I'm coming to the gym early, I'm turning on all the lights, all the sound equipment, I'm setting a timer. I'm watching a playlist I'm do you know what I mean?
Coach Jo 13:49
When ou're coaching, you've got like three different apps you need on your phone just to coach one class.
Coach Kim 13:53
And then I move from the floor to the office. And then I begin with emails and then I reach out through the Trainer Eyes App and I get. .
Coach Jo 14:00
Oh look, someone messaged our Instagram Iron La , we have to answer that right?
Coach Ki. 14:03
Yeah, absolutely. And then I've got zoom meetings where I'm seeing people one on one, and then I've got you know, like it doesn't stop ever. And so some of it is part of the stuff that we just have to do because that's the way the world is set up. And I also feel that confliction you're talking about because sometimes it feels like it's getting away on me and mostly I kind of laugh because like I put this in kind of the shownotes where we were talking about or where we were planning out what we were going to say and and it's I can remember having this sort of like little epiphany about you know, they used to talk about in the about St. Peter when you die and you'd go to the pearly gates and St. Peter would give you kind of a review of your life. Well like it's kind of a sick thing to think about that I'm gonna…I don’t for a second believe this, but you know the joke right like that you show up at the pearly gates and somebody goes okay, just hang on a second, like that, and I press that button I'm gonna go to, and it takes out this big tape and spits out all this big long receipt tape. And he says, okay, so you wasted 47 years looking at Instagram, you didn't paint, walk, Oh, okay, well, but like to put that in perspective, I've already been on Facebook for 15 years. It's not going to be hard to do. And like I was saying, I didn't I what are th, what is the amount of time that I could have been like painting or playing the piano or playing on a ball team or baking or and instead, I'm watching nine second clips and other people live their lives. And it's it was that realization of oh my god, like, and then how hopeless it feels for kids and grandkids and what the future will look like. We'll all just be like Wall-E, the movie Wall-E where we're all just..
Coach Jo 16:01
We’ll all just be on our screens with our little slushies, rolling around on a big floaty robot.
Coach Kim 16:05
Immobile, yeah, sitting on a big arm chair, because we can't move our body because this is the life we built. Like, yeah, yeah. So.
Coach Jo 16:13
Yeah. And then we kind of got into the discussion about kids and social media with kids, I do follow, you know, shout out Joe's Social Media here in town. And they've got such great points. And really, truly it boils down to the adult and the boundaries that they said. And it is your own belief system as well of what you believe in, I have heard the thing before that technology is where we're going. And we would be doing our children a disservice if we didn't teach them young how to use these devices, they can't be 18 and all of a sudden know how to use it, they're going to be a stone age behind. I've heard that before and that's your own. That's your, and you're allowed, you're allowed to do whatever you want with your kids. We're not saying do this.
Coach Kim 16:53
But there is some truth to that.
Coach Jo 16:54
Totally, there is some truth to that. My husband and I, Brandon, we were very old school in the sense of like, I, we've agreed, we don't want to give our kid a phone until they're 16. And they're driving away. Like we don't want to give him a phone. Like my kids are off devices. In the summertime. We want them to be outside as much as possible, play with their toys actually create things, get their hands dirty, go in the woods, play war, play, climb trees, get into battles, and you know, help in the garden with the chickens, whatever. That's our own personal preference of how we want to raise our kids and everyone's entitled to raise their kids their own way. But there is a lot of literature, meaning scientific journals that have come out in regards to longtime use of screens with kids and the detrimental effects it has on teenagers with body image and anxiety and depression and suicide. It truly is really, really heavy with what prolong uses. So I think there, there's got to be boundaries. My own opinion, obviously, there's got to be boundaries with kids use with social media, because it's specifically social media, because they have the world of information at their fingertips and children's brains aren't developed at 14 years old to be Doom scrolling and taking that amount of information. The brain has not fully been developed yet to handle that. So you are rewiring the brain at a pre-pubescent, pubescent age, which is it's not healthy for them. And again, my own opinion, but with kids and with just phones or screens or iPads in general. It is, you know, long road trips. I'm just going to tell a quick story here because my kids swore at me on my birthday morning. He called me a damn bitch as he ran out the door for the bus and it was really hard to not want to wring his neck when he ran out. And the repercussion was that he wasn't allowed to have any screens and it's not like he was on them hardcore to begin with. Like I said, we have pretty good boundaries I feel but they have been completely removed. I'm talking like absolutely anything the passwordhas changed on the TV. There is no YouTube on anything like is completely gone. He has nothing and I forgot where I was gonna go with this story.
Coach Kim 19:03
You were talking about boundaries and about and coming home from he left for school.
Coach Jo 19:09
Yeah, well, I don't know where I was go with the store. I was going to tie it into something else but but basically like, oh, here it is. We went down to our holiday and the road trip is five and a half hours. And we made it a point, No, our kids are not getting screens just because we're going for five and a half hours and we need the break. Like we're going to teach our kids how to road trip without looking at something and holding your breath through the tunnel like in the mountains and hold your lift your legs up when you pass a railway track. Like all the little things. Oh, did you see that and teach them about the mountains and oh, that's Frank slide and a whole town was buried under that mountain, like teaching them histories and stories. And I'll tell you right now, though, the ride there was a lot for us. But now I know how my parents felt back in the day driving to Prince George eight hours when we were kids like we must have drove them nuts. And then on the way home, it was easy. The kids they figured it out and they got it. They got it figured out. So I'm really like the idea that I think for any road trip, they're not going to get any device ever again.
Coach Kim 20:07
Like, well, and that inspires me. I mean, because here's the other thing is a reminder, we've said in other podcasts, we are just like you were just trying to figure it out. And none of this is judgment, because I will tell you that there have been plenty oh, times that I've been like, here, just have it.
Coach Jo 20:24
Yeah. There has, been a bunch of those growing up.
Coach Kim 20:26
You know, okay, I give up, I quit. I'm done. Tap out. Right. Yeah. But, you know, you were talking about brains being rewired. And there's a couple things that I even in addition to it is such a messy, complicated issue, because you're talking about social media use as far as it is to developing like self esteem, and then the contribution to anxiety and depression and like that whole uncontrolled, you know, we don't even understand fully that the complete effects to what we've done societally to, you know, by using it the way we use it. But that also is the case with even the exposure to to fake light to blue light to screens all the time. Like, we have to remember that human beings evolved with the sun, with natural cycles of light and dark. And now, you, blue light, screen light is the equivalent of solar midday noon in June, all year long. So in Canada, when it's dark at 4:30pm, and it's dark until 8:30am. And you pop your phone open at 230 in the morning, because you can't sleep, your brain is getting a shot of June light in the middle of January, and it fucks your body up there are, like I really truly believe it.
Coach Jo 21:52
And that your circadian rhythms all messed up. You're messing with hormone production.
Coach Kim 21:57
And we're doing it with kids, right. So that's part of it. The other thing that I went to, you know, I just don't believe it's healthy for any of us, me included, me included. But the other thing that I went to when you were talking about attention spans and about brain brains being rewired is the simple fact that I used to be a voracious book reader. A book over a weekend, if I had a quiet easy, a quiet time, or my kids were busy, or we had been to friends. And if I had that opportunity, I could, I could dump out a book in two days. And I struggle to bring my brain into focus to read a paragraph or two at a time. Like, I have to go okay, well, well, what what did I just read? Let me start again, you know, and that's not my brain being smart. That is my attention span, being able to stick with what's being said in front of me in the book comprehended in real time without letting my brain squirt away to something else, you know. And I really think that that is kind of a habit that my brain has picked up, because I'm always between my laptop and my phone, and a text message I'm grab, yeah, grab. Yeah. And yeah,
Coach Jo 23:06
I've been at work with you. When you have said, see, I don't even know how this get my hand again. See, I told you, and it's in your it's in your hand. You know, when I was down in Eureka, Montana for my holiday, I promised myself I'd put my phone on airplane mode the whole time I was away. And I only use WiFi like, either in the morning briefly or at nighttime, just briefly, like I want to really be off my phone. And the first morning, there's this beautiful view of Tetro lake up into the mountains. And it's just this amazing view first morning with coffee and I remember I was sitting there and I was just so fidgety. Like I was like, yeah, I had enough. 30 seconds, I looked at his beautiful head enough, I wanted to just move away. And then by the end of being unplugged by day seven, you couldn't peel me off that fucking couch. I just look at that mountain. And I could sit there and not want to have to reach something just to unplug for a bit, it does bring me back.
Coach Kim 23:52
But there is this whole, you can take a look at this. It's like, I think, I can't I, and I apologize. I can't remember who you know, I've heard talk about it. But it's this dopamine reboot, essentially, where they sign themselves up to have all things, all addictive, dopamine, you know, hits. So that would be your phone, that would be gambling, that would be porn, that would be alcohol, that would be anything that lights the brain up, you remove it for 28 or 30 days, and it reboots your dopamine. And that's kind of what you're talking about. In the beginning. It's like my brain is seeking seeking seeking, I can't get it. I gotta get it. Where is it? And then by day seven already, you're just feeling a lot more Zen. Like, you know, I wish I was better educated about it. I could go look into this, learn more about it. I'm sure there is some expert out there that could give me 1000 tips on how to do it better. But mostly I'm just venting about the realization and then kind of what like what are the things that I'm willing to do to just change it slightly. And so, you know, I want to talk about detaching because you do a really good job of managing boundaries.
Coach Jo 25:10
Yeah. And what Kim's talking about is it's easier for me though too, Kim because I've got young boys and I'm busy with them I leave the gym and I go right to craziness. Where as I feel I don't have time to grab my phone because mom this, mom come on here, oh, shit, someone fell down the stairs and almost crank their neck like all this is going on in my house, where you know, your kids are grown. And when you go home, you It's you and …
Coach Kim 25:34
I don't like that excuse, though. I don't want that to be an excuse.
Coach Jo 25:38
Not an excuse. But it's, it's the realization true. It's not it's not an excuse, but it's what's going on.
Coach Kim 25:44
And it's not that my life is not busy in a different way. I'm still active and doing things and I've got things that I'm committed to and, and giving my time and attention to. You're right, though, in the sense that I don't have somebody pulling on my attention.
Coach Jo 25:55
Like that's part of it. Number one is that I feel someone's pulling on my attention all the time. My kids need me my husband needs me, I got all these boys, I got chicks. I got all these things I'm doing. But at the same time, my boundaries are that I always have a Do Not Disturb on my phone. So that is set in place. And I don't answer usually anybody past nine o'clock. Like if something comes in, I might look at it. I might not look at it. But I'll usually try to leave it and maybe I'll look at it again in the morning. And then I might do a quick brief review of whatever's on my phone, after I've woke up, got my stuff together. And maybe my kids are eating breakfast, I might do a quick review. And then I'm off to work. Most of my social media stuff where I'm in where I'm like, inside the matrix, I feel is when I'm here at the gym, just like you said emails laptop here, there and then I try to unplug. It's very normal for me, especially in the summertime where, and Kim feels the exact same way. Like When summer comes. It's so short here in Canada, we just want to be outside and get as much as we can of it. It's very normal for me to put my cell phone on my somewhere in my house. Sometimes I forget where the hell I even put it and I'm outside. I'm doing stuff with my kids. Like I just don't want to be a part of it because I feel when I'm at the gym, I socialize, Monday to Friday we have class after class I see my and I love it like it's part of what I love is I'm an extrovert-introvert. So I go extrovert, extrovert all week. And then part of that is being with social media. I feel very extroverted. But then when I'm on the weekend, that's my time to bring my energy back up and get me ready for another week. So I want to put my phone aside, I want to you know, not talk to many people, I want to just be present at my house and be at my place.
Coach Kim 27:33
And refill your cup. So you know, when you talk about this, this is one of the things I feel lucky that because of the age that I am the first so we didn't get a our computer in our house after married life until Gabby was born the summer after or the winter after Gabby was born. And she's 22. So I have had 32 years to remember what it feels like to not have it, righ? To keep yourself busy. And how else did I occupy my time and, and the creative and the peace, like the peace that existed, without that being like, we've talked about this before, where part of the allure of the phone is oh my god, somebody might be trying to reach me. You know, what if the kids need me. What if? What if I'm out walking the dogs and my husband needs something from the store? Better take my phone with me, you know what, take pictures of something. Yeah, I want to take pictures of something or you know, and lots of people use their phone to track data. So they've got like their step counter and their calories and their aura ring. And they're, you know, and we're just so data. We're just so connected. But I feel really lucky that I remember when you left the house, your phone was on the wall.
Coach Jo 28:49
I remember too! Cell phones didn’t come out until … Facebook came out when I was done University, of course
Coach Kim 28:55
Of Course, and Kyren and Paige like they were 16 and got flip phones and.
Coach Jo 29:00
I remember the telephone cord from the kitchen that when you got the long one that could go to the living room. That was cool.
Coach Kim 29:05
We were always getting yelled at get back to the phone. Okay, so anyways, the point is, is that then you take our children who have not ever experienced the peace of a world that doesn't have all the dings, buzzes somebody yanking for your attention, something distracting you something pulling you away. And when I think about that, I think about my daughter Gabby who's 22 who is a young mom who's doing an awesome job at her life. And sometimes I wish that she didn't have that world in front of her face. Sometimes I wish, I think she would find more peace and contentment in her role as a mother, in her life, in her self satisfaction, if she didn't have that shit yelling at her all the time, you know, or making her feel anxious or making her or compare herself.
Coach Jo 29:59
I think one of the hardest things to being a mom. And you know, Gabby's a young mom and I was a mom kind of around the same time like we have a kid one year apart. Is that the parenting bullshit that comes through social media. You're doing this wrong, you're doing that wrong. You should be doing this and this is the right way. But no, you do this. This is the right way. There's so much like, you're a horrible parent when you are a young mom, and you look at what how, and you're just navigating. What the hell am I supposed to do? I got this newborn baby in front of me. I don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with it. And then the world's telling you you're doing everything wrong. Like that was really hard.
Coach Kim 30:33
But you know transfer that topic to food. Don't eat eggs. Don't eat sugar. Don't drink pop. Don't eat meat.
Coach Jo 30:42
Water, i just saw one say water is bad for you. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Water is bad for you? Like, oh, my God.
Coach Kim 30:47
So the point is, is that it is overwhelming. It is all encompassing. It is so so, so complicated. And so bringing it back to what am I willing to try? What am I willing to do to create some space in my life, where I'm not attached to my phone. And here's the thing, because I know that there are a few of you out there who are like hands on hip, uhuh girlfriend, you need it, because like, I have great boundaries, the phone doesn't interest me at all. And I wish that that was me. And it's not.
Coach Jo 31:21
I have a couple friends who have refused to do the social media thing ever since it came out. And they're my close friends. One is my chicken friend, Megan—Go Megan. And she does no social media. And the only way I can contact her is if I text her. And I just love that she has kept that boundary the whole time. And she's living her life, you know.
Coach Kim 31:39
And what a sweet sense of freedom. And if I chose to do that, I completely remove myself from the way that I promote my business stay attached to my people serve my clients, like it's complicated and messy. And so here are the things that I think I'm willing to do and one of them that I really feel like I'm excelling at. And since I came back from New Mexico in February, I do not bring my phone into the bedroom. And I shouldn't say that, like there have been a couple of times where like, let's say right now with the heat, I'm running the fan, and my alarm’s gotta go at 420 in the morning, I'm scared, I'm not going to hear my alarm in the hallway when the fan is running, like the coolingg fan, totally. And so then I do bring it in so that I have my alarm. But I'm not bringing my phone into bed, I'm not scrolling in my phone in bed. And most of the time I'm charging my phone, in the hallway, the ringer’s on, the volumes up. But it's outside my bedroom door, my bedroom door is closed, because I was starting to notice and I think I know I've told you this before I was starting to notice that I would be dozing in bed in the morning that sweet restful spot where I don't quite have to get out of bed yet. And I could hear my phone vibrate on the desk. And, and I started to notice that I could feel my heart rate pick up that that would create is it a kid that needs me? Is somebody you have, what is Joe that needs me? Like what is, you know, like, whatever? Is it an email is that a client? Did I miss something? It was that subconscious bullshit that was like escalating my cortisol, I knew it was. And so that's why I wanted to move it out into the hallway. So that's one of the things. And the other thing that I'm doing better, especially right now, because it's summer, and it's so easy, is that I might shut off my alarm, if it's running, or at least unplug my phone, move it to the kitchen buffet, you know, counter, and then I go immediately outside. So I'm doing a much better job at not looking at anything because, there's of course notifications and emails and text messages and all that kind of stuff. I'm just giving it another 20 to 30 minutes, where I can put the sun in my eyeballs and see nature, hear nature, be outside before I begin to look at that. Because what I've noticed very literally, I have a screen in front of my face from the second I opened my eyes.
Coach Jo 33:59
Yea, I know. And you're not alone. There's so many people that have that exact same issue. You know, something that I'm working on, and I continue to try to implement is that people probably have this preconceived perception of me that I'm on social media a lot, because I post once a day algorithm mainly based, but the truth of the matter is, is that I tried to create over consume, over consuming information as I'm trying to say, so I will make my post get my information out there. And if there's notifications, I'll handle them, I'll deal with them. But I try to schedule slot in the morning. Usually if I don't have time in the morning when I'm getting my kids all crazy to where they need to go. It might be when I first get here to work and that's when I will take maybe 10, 5 minutes, not, maybe max 10, maybe 5 minutes is what I do and I will just like comment, and then I put my phone away I make sure that I still engage with people. And then I do it one more time in the evening where I just Will like comment, and I'll do a quick little scroll. And some days I forget to do that. And I honestly will be on there to create, I will make a post, I'll get it out, and then I will put it away. So like I'm not, people have the notion that I'm always on social media because I post a lot. But the truth of the matter is my boundaries are that I tried to create, and I do less finger flicking and scrolling through.
Coach Kim 35:22
Yea, so, you know, I am also pretty good getting pretty good at using Do Not Disturb. So like, if I want a two hour window where I'm uninterrupted where I'm not distracted, where I'm not watching a notification pop up, I hit Do Not Disturb I put the phone aside, it's not going to make a single bit of noise. And I've got a good two hour window where I am able to get you know, hammer out some work. Where I'd like to do better at home is even not taking my phone with me when I walk. And for most you're probably like, oh yeah, like it's not hard lady just leave it at home. But it's you know, like, it's my music. It's my podcasts. It's my. And I also have to remember that there's nothing wrong with silence. Yeah, like I don't have to be consuming all the time. Yeah, listening to somebody else's information, listening to somebody else's music blocking out my own wisdom, my own intuition, my own creative ideas by over talking it with somebody else's stuff.
Coach Jo 36:27
Mm hmm. Yeah. One thing that I probably do a lot and Brandon, my husband hates it, is that I have my phone on silent 24 Fucking seven. And he calls me and he actually complained about this to my brother on our trip to Montana, oh Jo, every time I call Jo, she just never answers. And I'm like, because part of my job is when we are training on the floor, your phone has to be on silent, you can't have your phone going Ding ding ding through the Bluetooth when you're coaching classes, right? And half the time, I have to keep it off for that. But then when I come to the desk, I don't want to get interrupted when I'm in a flow in a workflow because I can't go from my phone to this big topic I want to write about back to here and back and forth. Like I have to be in the thing that I'm in. So it stays on there. And then naturally I forget about it. I'm driving home, I'm doing kid stuff. It's still there. Brandon's calling me, I look oh shit, five missed calls, he's gonna be pissed. I get home. He's like, You never have your phone off silent. So one time I said here, this is what my phone sounds like when it's off. And I took it off silent. It was on regular. Like it was going and I said, See, like, that's been half an hour, I am taking this shit. And I'm putting it back on silent. Like that's what it is. If I see you've called, I see you've called like, I'll get back to you. What did we do when we were in grade nine and we dated each other? You know, I had my own brand and called and I had to go the phone, make sure no one was on the phone and anywhere else in the house and call you back. Like that's what had like, the sense of urgency or that immediacy that hey, I called you or hey, I texted you, why don't you get my text like that? That to me makes me almost want to revolt a little more where I'm just like, fucking get back to you when I'll get back to you.
Coach Kim 38:09
And you know what, I so admire that in you and love that about you. Because my personality type is. And in fairness to myself, there have been quite a few traumatic kinds of things that have happened with kids in my life, where you're getting a phone call that's quite urgent and very and very upsetting. And so there is this little part of me that's like, Okay, well like I got to have it nearby in case somebody's trying to get a hold of me. And I'd love to fucking change that because my nervous system doesn't like it. I know it doesn't. I'm so envious and in awe of the ability to revolt against and go fuck y'all, nobody's getting in touch with me.
Coach Jo 38:55
I don't know I like I said I'm an extrovert introvert I love to be back at my house and I love to be doing absolutely nothing in the… I I'm from the kids that were raised country style cow girl where when, and you were as well, yeah, where we woke up and after breakfast you were kicked the fuck outside. And I remember being like the sun was coming down and we were playing in the trees and they call us in for dinner. I don't remember if we had lunch like we were out there for eight hours. No, I don't even know if they checked on us. We were in the woods doing horrendous things to trees and rocks and cars and no one stopped us. But like the point of the matter is that we were out there we were free we were doing things we didn't need to be attached. Like it's a hard thing to come back to what was because then what is going to be you don't know what the future is gonna be?
Coach Kim 39:43
And you know, the truth of the matter is about that, is as you're talking about that my rational brain goes and anything that's going to happen is going to happen. Whether I'm accessible to it or not by phone call, is not going to make it any easier to receive. You know what I mean?
Coach Jo 39:57
There it is Kim, there it is.
Coach Kim 39:58
Yeah, like, like, you're just gonna have to that is a risk you take and in order to maintain some sort of like balance and peace of mind and like experience my life and feel like I'm still being in my life and accessing the fullest potential of me because I think that's mostly what I worry about or not worry about not technically worry about but like think about is that I don't want to get to be 75 and go, I didn't, I didn't explore all the things I could have become or done or created or built, or because I was just so fucking busy, lost down looking at TikTok.
Coach Jo 40:41
Yeah, I wow, profound, though, so profound, what you just said.
Coach Kim 40:46
You think? I don't know. Because because, you know, back to taking my phone for a walk some of the best ideas that I've had for the business for the way we've grown it for what we've accomplished together, for what I've done in my life, or the way that I've grown epiphanies I've had about myself, have been, while I'm out walking in nature, but some of those ideas, I, if I don't write them down, or send them to myself, or talk or like comment, like write it down, describe it, then I forget it. And, and I don't want to lose all the ideas either. So like, I'm always torn.
Coach Jo 41:20
Well, truthfully, maybe you just go for a walk without one one day. And the next day you go for walk mount, you start at 50% and see how it goes.
Coach Kim 41:28
See, that's my girl. Anyways, mostly, you know, maybe at some point in the future, we'll like revisit this subject and, and see kind of what we've accomplished. My goals are that I am going to figure out a way to create more distance between me and my phone. Because I know my husband, God bless him. He's really patient with me. Because he understands the nature of my business, and you know, but even he would love it if I just had it less.
Coach Jo 42:00
And I know mine would as well. I think I think everyone would and I think just being more present, like that's the word that always keeps coming to mind is that, where can you be more present in your life at the dinner table, don't put your phones there, be present with your family. When you're out hiking, be present with Mother Nature. When you're in a group setting and a lake in Eureka with all these people put your phone away because you won't be present this moments never going to come back and these kids won't be this little again. Just be present.
Coach Kim 42:27
Yeah. And also on that too, like being present to myself. What am I really feeling about my life? What do I really feel about today? What did I do? Well, like instead of numbing out being oblivious to it, it's not even numbing out. I don't even recognize it as numbing out. I'd see it as decompressing or chilling out or chillaxing or whatever you want to say. The fact of the matter is, is I'm shutting off is what I'm doing. And and then I'm shutting off to all aspects of myself. And I have good wisdom to offer myself if I'm willing to listen.
Coach Jo 43:01
And what is it James clear who does atomic habits and one of his things is all about pointing and calling and you're really good at that talking yourself there person can put your fucking phone down, I can hear it through the walls of our offices, just continue that.
Coach Kim 43:14
I’ll just keep working at it.
Coach Jo 43:15
Well, all right, guys, thanks so much for joining us on Perfectly Unfinished Conversations. And that's what I think this was a great perfectly unfinished conversation.
Coach Kim 43:20
Love you.
Coach Jo 43:21
Love you too, bye!
Coach Jo 43:23
You probably got a sense of who we are by now and what our personal approach is to developing a lifestyle that creates really great health and strength. Using a relational common sense coaching approach that is backed by knowledge and personal experience
Coach Kim 43:38
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Coach Jo 43:46
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Coach Kim 43:53
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Coach Jo 44:03
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Coach Kim 44:09
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Coach Jo 44:27
Find out more on our website: ironlablacombe.com/metabolic-blueprint