Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
274. The Ministry of Seeing People: Knowing and Authentically Encouraging Your Mentee with Author and Coach Mitch Matthews of mitchmatthews.com
In this inspiring episode of the You Can Mentor podcast, Zach Garza sits down with Author and Coach Mitch Matthews to explore the profound impact of mentorship. Mitch shares his personal journey from a small-town bike shop enthusiast to a successful coach and mentor, revealing how authentic encouragement and the "ministry of seeing people" can transform lives. Learn how to harness the power of curiosity, ask the right questions, and create meaningful connections. Whether you're guiding young minds or leading in the corporate world, Mitch's insights on being present and authentic will equip you to mentor with purpose. Don't miss this opportunity to discover how you can make a lasting difference by simply showing up as yourself.
https://mitchmatthews.com/ & @mitch.matthews - Check out Mitch's "Dream. Think. Do" podcast wherever you get your pods!
#Mentorship #Encouragement #Authenticity #Leadership
--
In this inspiring episode of the You Can Mentor podcast, Zach Garza sits down with Author and Coach Mitch Matthews to explore the profound impact of mentorship. Mitch shares his personal journey from a small-town bike shop enthusiast to a successful coach and mentor, revealing how authentic encouragement and the "ministry of seeing people" can transform lives. Learn how to harness the power of curiosity, ask the right questions, and create meaningful connections. Whether you're guiding young minds or leading in the corporate world, Mitch's insights on being present and authentic will equip you to mentor with purpose. Don't miss this opportunity to discover how you can make a lasting difference by simply showing up as yourself.
https://mitchmatthews.com/ & @mitch.matthews - Check out Mitch's "Dream. Think. Do" podcast wherever you get your pods!
#Mentorship #Encouragement #Authenticity #Leadership
--
- Introduction and Welcome (00:01)
Zach Garza introduces Mitch Matthews and sets the stage for the conversation. - Mitch's Journey to Coaching (01:19)
Mitch shares his background, from a small-town bike shop to discovering his passion for coaching. - The Ministry of Seeing People (06:35)
Mitch discusses the importance of truly seeing and engaging with others in mentorship. - Encouragement in Mentorship (10:54)
The conversation shifts to how encouragement plays a vital role in mentoring. - Authenticity and Dropping the Persona (23:39)
Mitch talks about the power of being yourself and the challenges of maintaining a persona. - Practical Mentoring Tools (34:03)
Simple yet effective tools for mentoring are discussed, emphasizing curiosity and presence. - Conclusion and Resources (44:05)
Mitch shares resources and ways to connect, wrapping up the episode.
--
If this podcast has encouraged or equipped you, would you take 30 seconds to leave a 5-star rating? On Apple Podcasts, scroll to the bottom of the You Can Mentor page and click “Write a Review.” On Spotify, go to our page, click the three dots next to the settings wheel, and hit “Rate Show.” It helps us reach more mentors like you.
Want to go deeper?
• Join our Learning Lab for mentoring resources and community
• Sign up for our newsletter to stay in the loop
• Come to our annual You Can Mentor Gathering
You can find everything at www.youcanmentor.com or follow us on instagram @youcanmentor
If this podcast has encouraged or equipped you, would you take 30 seconds to leave a 5-star rating? On Apple Podcasts, scroll to the bottom of the You Can Mentor page and click “Write a Review.” On Spotify, go to our page, click the three dots next to the settings wheel, and hit “Rate Show.” It helps us reach more mentors like you.
Want to go deeper?
• Join our Learning Lab for mentoring resources and community
• Sign up for our newsletter to stay in the loop
• Come to our annual You Can Mentor Gathering
You can find everything at www.youcanmentor.com or follow us on instagram @youcanmentor
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
Welcome to the You Can Mentor Podcast. We help Christian mentoring leaders thrive. Share our podcast with your team, sign up for our monthly learning lab cohorts for mentoring leaders, and come to the national Christian mentoring gathering. Help us serve more mentors by giving us a five star rating where you listen to your podcasts. Find out more by following us on social media or going to our website at youcanmentor.com.
Speaker 1:You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Yo, but I'm mentors. On today's podcast, I've got Mitch Matthews. He's an author, speaker, success coach, and a host of not one, but two podcasts. He's got dream, think, do, and encouraging the encourager. Find those where you get your pods or at mitchmatthews.com.
Speaker 2:This guy is passionate. I mean, he is full of energy. He helps people live with purpose, lead with courage, and make a lasting impact wherever they go. He's worked with, like, NASA, Disney, the US military, but his heart beats for people like us. Just everyday mentors wanting to be a light in their community.
Speaker 2:He's an expert storyteller, and this episode is packed with wisdom. We talk about pulling mentees out of their fear about how awesome it is to encourage because you actually wind up getting encouraged. We talked about being you, not a person you think that your mentee needs is really where the gold is at. We dive into seeing people, like, really seeing them, showing up in an authentic way, being fully present. Mitch talks about not being interesting, but instead focusing on being interested and how that's gonna take your mentoring relationship to the next level.
Speaker 2:So check out this pod. Share it with a friend. Talk about it with your staff. It will encourage you. It's a good one.
Speaker 2:You can mentor. Alright. Zach Carnes is here. Hey. I am with Mitch Matthews.
Speaker 2:Mitch, say hello, sir.
Speaker 3:Zach, it's awesome to be here, and I am truly, truly honored. I love what you're doing with the show and what you're doing in the world, so it's great to have these conversations.
Speaker 2:Well, man, so I was, talking earlier to Mitch just like, how how did I come across this guy? And one day, I was checking my inbox, and your assistant or the person who sets up all of your podcasts sent sent me over something. And, man, like, 95% of the time, I mean, it makes no sense. It is Right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It is it is just like, I Yeah. I have a guy that would be perfect for your podcast. He loves cats. And I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, this is mentor podcast.
Speaker 2:Souls. You're going to love him. Mitch. But and the email, it talks about how he's a coach and how he loves to encourage people. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And anyone who tunes into this podcast just knows how much I love to encourage, mentees to open up their chest and to insert courage, and who doesn't like to be encouraged?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And so, Mitch, I'm excited to have you on the show today to talk about encouragement, man. So Absolutely. Going?
Speaker 3:Fantastic. I mean, especially when I get a day like this, like, we get to have conversations like this. Come on. God's good grace is he's allowed me to somehow create a living and a business around what he kinda gifted me to do. And so, like, this is the best, man.
Speaker 3:This is great. I feel wildly blessed.
Speaker 2:So just to just to to kinda start out, I would, you know, I would really love to hear about your family, about your background, but how exactly you got into this coaching realm because it's a cool story. And so
Speaker 3:I wanna hear more. It's a fun story. There's a long version, a really, really long version, but I'll start with the short version, and then we can go into anything, any of the details. But, basically, when I was growing up in a small town in Iowa, I got really fascinated with bikes, push bikes, Schwinns specifically, and I started hanging out at our little local hole in the wall bike shop when I was 12 and spent every day that summer basically, just trying not to be arrested for loitering and, you know, sweeping the alley, painting trash cans, dusting off bikes, whatever it was to just hang out and spend time at that bike shop. And my wife says she she works at our church, but she says she's in the ministry of seeing people, and I love that.
Speaker 3:I love how she talks about that. And the bike shop owner was in that same ministry, and he wound up hiring me as opposed to having me arrested for loitering, and I worked for him for a decade. And that really lit a fire for me for entrepreneurship. I I went in. You know, God's funny how he hooks you on certain things and then switches it in the middle.
Speaker 3:And I thought I was going into this thing because I was passionate about bikes. But once I got in that door, once I got that job, I turned in it turned into a passion for entrepreneurship. But then I went to college, spent a couple of trips, lived in England a couple of times, all of that, and came back and got into the corporate space, which is a great, great thing to do, and and it's absolutely right for some people. And and had some success in that world, moved up through the pharmaceutical industry, all those things. And then lo and behold, I got promoted into a bad fit job.
Speaker 3:And I'm grateful for that because it's a solid industry. They're doing some good things, all of that, but I was not meant to live my whole life there. And that last good, like, bad fit job was a good reminder of, hey. God put me here to do something different. And that helped me.
Speaker 3:It it got so uncomfortable. I had to look and say, hey. What do I do? What do I do differently? And one particular night, I came home from a really bad day, and my wife had a business magazine waiting for me.
Speaker 3:And she's like, hey. This is what you do. And I looked at this article, and it was an article about an entrepreneur who was doing some really kind of fascinating things. And I was like, I don't get it. He was in the industry.
Speaker 3:I had no interest in. I didn't really understand it. She's like, no. No. No.
Speaker 3:Not him is the sidebar story. And the sidebar story in this magazine article was all about this guy's coach. And, basically, it just showed how this coach had no experience in this industry but still coached him to new levels because he asked him questions. He held him capable. He pushed him, encouraged him, all those things.
Speaker 3:And she's like, that's what you do. That's what you should do. And so I figured out and found out that coaching is actually a thing. I didn't really know at the time that that was a thing. I had done plenty of it in my different roles in the pharmaceutical world, but didn't know that it could actually be a business.
Speaker 3:It could be a thing. And I married up. You know, I think you'd totally understand what I'm talking about, but, like, my wife saw me and saw my talents and realized, hey. This is this is what you do. So I went out and pursued training in that and made some good decisions, bad decisions, all of that.
Speaker 3:I I invested in a really big name company, in their coaching program, spent a lot of money. It was not a great fit either, so I just kinda wound up having to figure it out myself. But I I basically made the commitment to God like, hey. If I'm supposed to do this, I'll do it, and I'll turn around and show other people how to do it down the road. And so it through a lot of prayer, his grace, some true mentoring and encouragement, I was able to turn what was initially a side job of coaching and speaking into a full time business in 02/2002, and and we've been able to do it full time ever since.
Speaker 3:And now I not only coach and speak, I actually train coaches. We have a coach certification, our our own program, because I decided, hey. Let's do it better. So I get to talk about coaching
Speaker 2:True.
Speaker 3:All the time because I love it. And I truly believe that, you know, you and I, people like us, are missionaries in the biggest mission field in the in the world, which is the marketplace. And I think that God calls us to do that and be a raging curiosity as we do that through ingenuity and innovation and service and excellence. And so that's what we get to do. That's what I try to do every week, and God's been really, really good in it.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, Mitch. That's a great story, man. Yeah. So so tell me when whenever you say seeing people. Right?
Speaker 2:Tell me what that means to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I think well, you know, I I know you're so great at preparing your people to be on the show. I love the list of questions that you said. Hey. May you know, let's maybe talk about some of these things is what I'd like to ask you.
Speaker 3:And I loved your questions. Right? There's intentionality, and you are wanting to equip people to mentor well. And I think that is one of the most important roles, one of the the greatest gifts that we can give, but I think people are tempted to overthink it. Right?
Speaker 3:And what's what's wild, I think, sometimes is people are are afraid to consider themselves a mentor because they don't feel like they know enough. And my wife does say she, you know, she's in the ministry of seeing people. And now she works in our church, and she oversees two huge ministries at our church. But if you boil it down, she's like, that's my day job, is just seeing people. And as mentors, I think that's where it starts to authentically see people, to meet somebody right where they're at, not to be someone.
Speaker 3:Like, I think a lot of mentors are like, gosh. Don't don't I need to have a bunch of success, or don't I need to have a lot of experiences or an Olympic gold medal or an Academy Award or whatever? And and what's interesting is a
Speaker 2:lot of
Speaker 3:those people aren't great mentors because they they're kinda know it alls. Right? A a great mentor sees someone, meets them right where they're at, gets curious, asks questions, holds that person capable, not of, you know, them receiving everything you say, but to actually ask some questions and pull out their best ideas, all of those things. And so I think a ministry of seeing people is just that. You know?
Speaker 3:Whether it's in your church, whether it's in your kids' schools, whether it's in the hallways of wherever you work, that ministry of seeing people is one of the best ways to truly mentor someone. But also, you know, I think that's what Jesus did. Right? Like, Jesus saw people, and often he engaged with people that were unclean, disregarded, you know, thrown out. And Jesus was the first one to see somebody and say, what do you want?
Speaker 3:What do you need? You know? Those kinds of things. So, the ministry of seeing people, I think, is is oftentimes where men the best mentorship starts.
Speaker 2:Man, these are just a couple words that I wrote down here, Mitch. See, engage, meet, ask, pull it out of them. Man Yep. And, like, that is Jesus. Right?
Speaker 3:Like Yep.
Speaker 2:Jesus saw people that no one else saw. He went after the woman at the well. He engaged his disciples who were just average Jones. Right. But he did it in a way that called them up that really I mean, he, by way of asking questions and by way of spending time, I mean, he made them see what he saw.
Speaker 2:And, man, what a gift that is. Right?
Speaker 3:Right? And and what I love about that too is that is something that we can do. Like Yeah. What's what's crazy about Jesus, and, again, it breaks my brain when I think about it, like, was fully God and fully man. Right?
Speaker 3:He shelled some of his godlike and and god, you know, strengths and and abilities to be fully human. Right? And so when you look at how, like, with the disciples, he mentored the disciples. And one of the first things he did was see them, see them right where they were at in their day jobs. But he also did something that was insane by the world standards is that he held them capable.
Speaker 3:Right? And and, like, people are like, well, he's God. So he knew Peter would eventually have these talents of leadership. And like, well, maybe, but I think he shelved a lot of that being able to see all of the future, and he just held Peter as capable. He met him in that moment, saw him, and held him as capable, and then said, follow me.
Speaker 3:Let's figure this out together.
Speaker 2:And, man, I think that's a great segue into encouragement. Right? Because one of my favorite things, you know, kinda kinda like what I said early on is to insert someone's chest and to insert courage. And in today's world where everyone's busy and you've got the cell phones and the social media and everyone's
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Going from place to place to place to place, and I don't have time to actually take the time to see someone and then to hear about their story and to see what they're good at and see how God made them, and then to be able to give them the courage needed to do the hard things that God has for them. I mean, what what an amazing opportunity we have. So, man, I would just really love to hear, first off, just what is your perspective on encouraging? And Yeah. Have have you always been, like, a super awesome encourager, or was it something that you had to learn or what?
Speaker 3:I I would say it's a both end. I had I have amazing parents who were very encouraging in our home, and and that's that's a true gift. We didn't have it easy and I didn't have an easy life, but I had encouraging parents, which is a really big deal. But I at the same time grew up a scared kid. And so I and kind of scared at the level that I had medical issues that doctors did not understand, like confound the doctors, stay sick, like not my tummy's upset, but like legitimately sick for weeks at a time, those kinds of things.
Speaker 3:And so what's interesting about that is that I would say that I was optimistic to a point. I would say cautiously optimistic that someday, somehow my life would get better, but in the moment, I was full of fear. So that that did typically make me not as encouraging. Right? Because if I was full of fear, it was hard to meet somebody else and pull them out of their fear.
Speaker 3:But one of the things that I realized at a relatively young age was that if I actually encouraged someone else, whether I felt like I had it in me or not, if I encourage somebody else, I generally would walk away from that conversation feeling a little more encouraged. And so I don't I I can't tell you that I've, like, at 13, had this epiphany of, oh, wow. I must therefore encourage everyone for I would be more encouraged. Right? But I will say, you know, in god's good grace, I had some good mentors.
Speaker 3:I had a a youth pastor at a church I did not go to. I went to a a Christian concert, and my brother was in the band. You know, I went to a nice church growing up, but we didn't have a youth program. We didn't have like, I was the only kid my age. So a gal named Opal Schneider, who I think was about 180, was in charge of my, you know, my my Sunday school class.
Speaker 3:I was the only kid in it and all that stuff. So Opal was a a beautiful human, but not a mentor for a young man. Right? But this youth pastor saw me and said, hey. Come to my office at 04:00 on Wednesdays.
Speaker 3:I wanna talk with you. And I I I think today's day and age, I don't know if they'd let him do that, but and he was an older guy. And literally, like, Zach, you'll appreciate this. I I showed up at his office the first time, like, what am I doing here? You know?
Speaker 3:Like, all this. And he was an older gentleman. Heavy. And on his wall was a picture of him with Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. Now some of your audience will not know who that is, but that was the equivalent of the original lone ranger and, like, the ultimate, you know, cowboy.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, oh my gosh. How do you know them? Like, that was the that was the ultimate for a, you know, 13, 14 year old boy. And so that started our conversations, and Stan Weirsen was his name. And and he just again, ministry of seeing me.
Speaker 3:He saw me, and he started to speak to some of these strengths in me. But he didn't tell me what to do. He often would just ask me questions. What are you thinking about? Or he would have me read some scripture and not tell me what to think about that scripture, but instead he would say, what do you think?
Speaker 3:What do you think Jesus was thinking there? Or, like, you know, we talked about Peter before. What do you think Peter was thinking about? You know? Like, one of the most interesting conversations I had early on was about Peter walking on the water.
Speaker 3:And Stan Weirsen, my mentor, you know, I'd heard that story. I saw flannel graphs. I did Sunday school. You know, all these kinds of things. Right?
Speaker 3:But but Stan didn't tell me the story and tell me what to think. He asked me this great question. He's like, hey. When Peter was looking at the water, like, maybe one foot out of the boat, not quite, what do you think that was like? Like, what?
Speaker 3:Like, what do you what do you think that was like? I mean, there's one thing to say, hey, Jesus. Tell me to come out on the water, but what do you think that was like for Peter when he's got one foot in the boat, one out, one foot out of the boat? And and, again, I probably was 14 at the time, and I'm sure whatever my response was was not poetic. Right?
Speaker 3:Wasn't sheer genius, But it got me to think about that story at a whole other level. And those are the kinds of things that I truly believe great mentors do is that a great mentor doesn't have to have all the answers. A great mentor asks questions and then holds the person they're talking to talking to as capable of coming up with answers. And it's a beautiful thing because I know for me with Stan Weirsen, I rose to him holding me as capable, and I felt that. Right?
Speaker 3:And and, again, like, I'm sure my response was not, you know, deep theologian kind of response. He did not give me the job of being a youth pastor with him the next weekend teaching on stage by any means. But I can tell you, like, when he held me as capable of thinking through it, talking through it, responding to a very intentional, simple question, it changed the conversation, and it even changed my understanding dramatically. Well, and it changed how you yourself. Right?
Speaker 3:Right. Right. And what was interesting and that's one of the things I talk about with being a mentor is, you know, a lot of people are like, well, are you just encouraging for everything? Like, you know, are you gonna encourage somebody to run off of cliff? If are you gonna encourage?
Speaker 3:It's like, no. Authentic encouragement is seeing someone, holding them as capable, drawing out their brilliance as opposed to convincing them of your brilliance. Right? But then also exploring exploring things things together. Together.
Speaker 3:I think a lot of people think the magic is, you know, the mentor has to have all the answers. The mentor has to have the sequence. The mentor has to have the steps. But what I've found, and this is this is true of mentoring, but I get a I get paid a lot of money to coach executives, entrepreneurs, leaders, and very rarely do they do I tell them what to do. Most of the time, I'm asking them questions to draw out the answers they know are already inside them.
Speaker 3:And I think it's true of mentoring. I think it's true of coaching, but that also takes some guts. And I know this might sound a little weird, but it also takes a little humility because and and maybe sometimes even biting your tongue because I can tell you, like Yeah. In those situations where I'm coaching someone, like, I have answers, man. I there are times where I wanna tell them answers or when I'm mentoring someone.
Speaker 3:I've I've done a lot with our youth ministry and our young adult ministry, and there are times where I bite my tongue because I absolutely wanna tell them what I know to be true. But, generally, when when someone is told what is truth or how it is, I always say, and I talk about this a lot in our coach training program, I believe that we as humans have something I call the intellectual immune system. And that is that our intellectual immune system works a lot like our body's immune system. Like, our body's immune system is amazing. Like, God did incredible work in how he designed our bodies.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, you know, our bodies are designed to attack things that come from outside us, and that's good. That keeps us healthy. Like, I was just on a plane. Little kid in front of me was snotting and coughing, and there was liquid coming out of every orifice.
Speaker 3:Right? And I was so grateful for my immune system because it kept me healthy. Right? But what happens when we're in a situation where maybe, like, I had a friend who needed a new kidney. He understood it.
Speaker 3:Doctors told him. He got it intellectually. He got it. He understood it medically, all those things. They found the best surgeon.
Speaker 3:His mom stepped up to the plate. She was a perfect match donor. They had the surgery. It went seamlessly. And what did his body do?
Speaker 3:Even though he knew he needed it, even though it was a perfect match, even though the surgeon did a great job, what did his body do to it anyway?
Speaker 2:Rejected it.
Speaker 3:Rejected it because it came from outside him. And I think we do the same thing with ideas. Even ideas that we know we need. If we feel like they came from out outside us, we often will reject them. Maybe not immediately, but sometimes within minutes, sometimes within hours, sometimes within days where we'll say, oh, that's a great idea, but that guy doesn't really walk in my shoes.
Speaker 3:She has she doesn't fully understand my scenario. Like, yeah, I get it that that they've had success with this, but I'm not quite sure that that would work for me. Right? And so we have that intellectual immune system, and our mentees do too. But when we ask them questions and draw out their solutions, it's a little bit like getting their organs healthy as opposed to replacing them.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, when we help them walk through coming up with a new solution that they feel like they own, their intellectual immune system doesn't kick in because it came from inside them. Right? And scripture even tells us, like, you know, a lot of God's truth, we will know. Like, when we come across it, we will just know.
Speaker 3:Right? Because he's wired us that way. So the intellectual immune system something I say you gotta watch out for as a mentor, as a coach because we are so tempted to speed up the process by giving them the answer. But oftentimes that might be satisfying or it might seem like it's the quick fix, but rarely does it work.
Speaker 2:Man, and, like, as a mentor, you know, like, it's so much easier. It's so much faster just to give me answers, but, man, it's so ineffective.
Speaker 3:Right. Exactly. Like, I've got a three ring binder with the whole thing. I'm gonna slide it across the table. I've got your answers, buddy.
Speaker 3:And they're like, yeah. This is great. But the chances of them implementing are next to none.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think that's what's so fascinating is, like, in today's world, I mean, I am holding a device that I can get anything in the world on this thing. I can get the best college courses from Harvard. I can listen to experts. There is not a shortage of fantastic content that I can access at any moment.
Speaker 2:And yet still, people need mentors more than ever. Why is that? It's not a content problem. Nope. It's a
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 2:It's a relationship. It's a it's a self esteem. It's a confidence. It's a and, man, this is exactly what I heard here. Right?
Speaker 2:We as mentors have to slow down, and we have to get ourselves right as we enter into the mentoring relationship. But then Yep. Focusing on encouraging one, because who doesn't need encouragement, especially when it's a kid who has experienced some junk. Right? But two, as a mentor, man, it's way more fun for me to encourage because just like what you said, whenever I encourage, I therefore get encouraged.
Speaker 2:Right. But then, man, just just like Stan came, and, man, I I love this phrase. He spoke to your strength. Yep. And I'm sure that there were a lot of things that you weren't so strong in, but he didn't choose to focus in on the negative.
Speaker 2:Instead, he focused in on the positive. Yep. And by his words and by his just being there and creating space, he pulled you out of your fear. Yep. Well, he
Speaker 3:created space for me to step out of my fear. Like, that's what I love about you know? I don't know about you, but if I was in charge of writing the bible, it would probably be about a third of the content. Right? Because that would be really tempted to pull out all the stories that make people look bad.
Speaker 3:But, like, for me, one of my favorite chapters out of one of my favorite books in the bible is the the book of Joshua and chapter one. Right? And it's when Joshua is standing basically with God on the border of the promised land, something he has been getting ready for for the last forty plus years, and God's like, hey, kiddo, it's time to go in there. You're ready. I'm saying it's it's go time.
Speaker 3:But yet in that chapter, he has to say three different times, be bold and courageous. Right? And you don't tell somebody be bold and courageous if they're already bold and courageous. Right? You tell somebody to be bold and courageous when they aren't.
Speaker 3:And what I love about it is he doesn't say be bold and courageous because you're wildly talented, which he was. Be bold and courageous because you're a great leader, which he was. Be bold and courageous because you're an amazing warrior, which he was. He says, you know this, but he said, be bold and courageous for I am with you wherever you go. And people don't, like, often know this, but what's interesting about being bold and courageous for I'm with you wherever you go, What I love about that is that, like, that's not the first time that was said in the bible.
Speaker 3:Moses actually said that over Joshua and Deuteronomy. Right? What I love about that, that's why I believe that's kind of the mentor's prayer because that is something to say, hey, listen, be bold and courageous because I'm with you. That's a that's a pretty good promise to say, hey, People are encouraging. Let's figure this out together.
Speaker 3:God loves you. God's with you. I'm with you. Let's figure it out together. And what's beautiful about that is, like, that approach now, of course, with some discernment, like, you know, you get you wanna make help them make good decisions.
Speaker 3:But it's like, if they know that God loves them and God's with them and that you love them and that you're with them, right, you don't have to have a lot of specific knowledge or experience or wild success. The all also, the beautiful thing about that is you can lay down the persona. Right? There are so many people I don't know about you, but, like, I see this with people who wanna be mentors, and I see this with people who wanna be coaches, especially paid coaches. There is a real temptation for persona, which persona is based off a Latin word for mask.
Speaker 3:Right? And there's that temptation to be someone you're not. It's basically the temptation to be the person you think your person needs as opposed to just being you. And what's funny is I know it because I was tempted for it too. Like, when I first launched our coaching business and then went full time, I, you know, I was coming out of the pharmaceutical industry.
Speaker 3:I I had all of the stuff. So, like, I had a company car. I had all of it. Right? So all of a sudden, I had to buy a car for myself.
Speaker 3:And this is proof positive evidence. If I was, like, submitting evidence in a court of law that I was maintaining or trying to maintain a persona, this is what I would offer as evidence. You know? Number one is when I went to go look for a car, I didn't ask myself, hey. What kind of car do I want?
Speaker 3:What kind of car would I love to have? What kind of car would be good for my family? The question I asked, is totally a persona based question, is what kind of car would make me look successful? Right? That's a persona based question.
Speaker 3:Right? That's not what do I want? What makes sense? What would be great for my family? What would make me look successful, which it pains me to say.
Speaker 3:And God's great sense of humor, he was so funny in that I got a really good deal on a Mercedes. Right? But that was the most unreliable vehicle I've ever owned. Right? And what's funny about it is it was a really nice it was used, but it was really nice.
Speaker 3:And with like, almost immediately, Estrada started dropping oil. And what's hilarious about this is, I got this car so that I could pull up to the coffee shop and say, look at me. I'm a, you know, Mercedes owner. Look at how successful I am. But almost immediately, had to start parking in the back row because I didn't wanna see people like me drive away, and there's this big pile or, know, pool of oil left behind.
Speaker 3:Right? So God's great sense of humor is he's like, kiddo, I got you, but that's not how you're gonna be successful. You know? And and I can tell you trying to maintain hopefully, you don't know, but a lot of people do. Like, trying to maintain a persona is exhausting.
Speaker 3:And when you realize as a mentor, as a coach, your value comes from, you know, being fully present, being authentically curious, being in it with the person, asking questions, questions, holding them capable. It does not come from success, whether it's real or imagined or a persona. It comes from being those things. Right? And those things are something that everybody could do right now no matter what, no matter what their life has been.
Speaker 3:And so what's beautiful about that is when you start to understand that and how powerful that is, you can drop the persona and start to live more authentically and in a true identity from God.
Speaker 2:Man, and it's so powerful. One whenever you be the person that you think that they need, whenever you put on the mask, it's amazing how ineffective that is. Yeah. And And people
Speaker 3:are really good at picking up on that, especially kids. Kids are the best. They have the most sensitive BS detector ever. Right? Like, if if you are trying to fake it, they might not be able to put words to it, but they will pick up on that almost immediately.
Speaker 3:So It's so true. True.
Speaker 2:But if you're authentic Yep. And if you're vulnerable, you come across like a human, and kids love that. And, man, just this you be you, not the person you think they need. One, that takes a ton of courage. That takes a ton of humility, but, man, does it lighten the load.
Speaker 2:I mean, hey. Like, our mentees don't need a perfect superhero. They just need you coming as you are with your warts and all, with your successes, and with your failures. And when you do that, and when you and I don't think I've ever heard this say I don't think I've ever heard this sound like this before. Call him capable, Which Yeah.
Speaker 2:We say, you know, help them see themselves like Jesus. Encourage you just make make them feel worth and value and believe in them so they can believe in themselves. And you said this earlier, convincing them of their brilliance. Yep. Man, how many kids have never heard that they're brilliant or that they have worth or value or something to add, something to offer?
Speaker 2:And then for us to be able to do that, I mean, that is not just an opportunity to transform a life. That's transforming generations. Yep. Because as the mentor you can teach him homework and shaking hands and how to dress. That is good.
Speaker 2:Please don't hear me. It is good. A kid
Speaker 3:100%.
Speaker 2:Thinks he's dumb. If a kid thinks that she doesn't have value and that she doesn't have worth and her identity is messed up, man, she's just not gonna be able to go far.
Speaker 3:What a
Speaker 2:great opportunity we have to help them see themselves how God does by way of speaking truth, by way of encouraging, by way of being authentic, and showing them what it looks like to not only follow Jesus, but to be a good husband, a good father, and Right. And a good member of society. Yep. I mean
Speaker 3:I love it. And it it's so true. And it's one of those one thing I would add to that, Zach, is that one of the things that I've realized in the mentoring conversation and the coaching conversation is that oftentimes what that means is you need to give something you didn't get. And that's hard. Right?
Speaker 3:Well, we go into corporations, and we teach mentoring within organizations. Right? Because mentoring is such a powerful tool. It's all it's transformative, like what you're talking about and working with the kids that are so important that you work with and who this podcast is about. But mentoring is transformative.
Speaker 3:And, Blake, you really understand this. It's transformative. Right? But what's interesting is is that sometimes we'll have pushback, especially in the corporate environment where, like, you will see people like, we give them this toolbox full of tools to help them mentor more effectively. And one of the pushback, it it's sometimes spoken, sometimes just sensed.
Speaker 3:Right? But it's like, why should I give something I've never gotten? And our most often response to that is, to use the mentoring approach, to say, well, what do you think? And oftentimes, the response is, well, as I as I realize how powerful this is, I realize I didn't get it. But, boy, now that I have this awareness, I need to give it away.
Speaker 3:Like, I need to do it. Right? But you do have to acknowledge that sometimes you know, I had Stan Weirsen. I had the owner of the bike shop. Marty Doh was one of my other mentors as, you know, a a young young person.
Speaker 3:But, so I'm very blessed to say I had mentors in my life, but they weren't perfect. And and, you know, there's no perfect mentor other than Jesus. Right? But it's that thing of oftentimes to be a great mentor, you kinda have to let go of the fact that maybe you didn't get a great mentor, but you still can be a great mentor.
Speaker 2:Man, Mitch, that's so good. If someone's tuning in and they're like, okay. I get it. We need to encourage. Our kids need encouragement.
Speaker 2:I don't know how to encourage. I've never gotten that. Tell me tell me where someone should start.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. What I love about it is I don't know about you, but I have a buddy that is he's a craftsman. His dad taught him to be a welder. Like, he made a lot of money in tech and and software, But, like, if you go in his garage, there are tools in his garage where I'm like, that's cool looking.
Speaker 3:I have no idea. Is that to work on a car? Is that to make a leather? You know, something out of leather? Like, what is that tool?
Speaker 3:And what is that tool? And that tool looks like it could kill me. Right? Like, there's all these really amazing, beautiful, complicated tools in his garage. What's beautiful about mentoring is the tools are relatively simple.
Speaker 3:And sometimes because they're simple, it's tempting to dismiss them. But really the toolbox starts with the very things we're talking about, is walking around and seeing someone. I don't know about you, but as as people walk around hallways, as they walk around their neighborhood, as they walk around their church at night, if you're in a youth program or you're just there on a weekend, just seeing someone, I guarantee you, there is someone who longs to be seen. And it might be the homeless person, but it might also be the successful executive that feels alone as the homeless person. And just to meet that person and authentically engage with that person, that's where it can start.
Speaker 3:And and one of the other tools there is you know, again, we're talking about persona and laying that down, just showing up authentically curious. But one of my great mentors, actually, Marty Dohen, the owner of the bike shop, he he knew I was wrestling because it was fear based, and I needed to meet new people. And I was going into this environment where I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of people, and he could tell I was stirred up. And he said, hey, kiddo. You're focused on the wrong things.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, what do you mean? He said, you're focused on being interesting. Be interested. If you are authentically interested, you will be the most interesting person in that room. Ask questions.
Speaker 3:Be present. Show up. And that's, I think, with mentoring, that's it. Seeing somebody, engaging with authentic curiosity, ask them some questions. How are you?
Speaker 3:And not just how are you? How are you today? Right? I love asking just a slightly different question. Not how are you in general.
Speaker 3:How are you today? Right? That's a what are you working on today? Right? That's a little different question that makes people go, And then when you ask the question, here's the other thing.
Speaker 3:And and it can be simple as this. I mean, truly be fully present, see people, engage authentically and with curiosity, and ask a question. And then this is the third tool or the the last tool really that all you need is then be fully present because they will look at you, and they will very quickly within three seconds figure out, are you just going through the motions, or do you really mean it? And just by holding eye contact, being fully present, it's a me like, you will see. Like, you know this.
Speaker 3:I'm sure you have this too where some people will look at you and go, wait. Are you asking? Are you really asking? Right? And they don't say it, but they are looking at you and they're deciding.
Speaker 3:And if you meet them in that, you might just have one of the best conversations ever. Or you might spark a great friendship, great mentorship, all those things. And and it's just fully engaged and be you, and that makes all the difference. There is a there's a deep tool set. You know?
Speaker 3:Like, I mean, there is there are more complicated tools that go in a, you know, a toolbox for being a paid coach, all those kinds of things which we fill up. But to be a mentor, right, like, it can it's better to keep it simple, but simple can be revolutionary.
Speaker 2:I always say it's simple. It's not easy.
Speaker 3:That's right. And it's simple, but it's not common. Right? Right? Like that is a big deal.
Speaker 3:It's crazy. And what's what's beautiful is when you work that mentoring muscle, what's beautiful about that is you may change a kid's life, but it's also gonna help you be more effective at work. It's gonna help you be more effective with your own kids. It's gonna make you be a better friend, make you be a better spouse, all of that. Now I will say with a caveat on this, Zach, that last thing is that my wife I married up.
Speaker 3:My wife is brilliant. She knows I am I am you know, I spend a lot of time on coach training and helping people be really effective coaches. And there are some conversations where she will stop me and say, hey. I don't need a coach right now. I need my husband.
Speaker 3:So there are times to just sit and listen and don't say anything and all that stuff. Like, that can be appropriate too. But when it comes to mentoring, when you show up authentically, fully be present, be curious, it's amazing what can happen.
Speaker 2:And then kinda spending a second on on that story, just the power of listening. Right? Yeah. I mean, whenever we come in, which we talk about this often, preparing to spend time like you're you're mentee. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, don't don't come in straight off work where you're thinking about the spreadsheet, you're thinking about the email, you're thinking about your boss, and
Speaker 3:what
Speaker 2:no. Like, take a second. Deep breath. Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna get centered.
Speaker 2:Alright, Lord. Like, please come in and help me make this kid feel like the most important person ever. And then whenever you could listen, you can start to pick up those things and, okay. That sounded different. I haven't heard that before.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's interesting. Yep. And then you can speak right to those, and you can encourage those, and you can start to build up there. I mean, don't focus on being interesting.
Speaker 2:Focus on being interested. Like, that's a game changer.
Speaker 3:Right. And really, for just anything.
Speaker 2:Man, I am I am stealing so many of these quotes. I'm just gonna steal these stories.
Speaker 3:Give me credit the first time and then go forward after that. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah. I'm gonna be like, yeah, man. Was at a bike shop, and people are like, dude, you're six eight. You don't have a bike shop? I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, but but I had this guy.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Trust me. Trust me. I know a guy. One one of the things I love, especially when you're wanting to equip mentors, mentors is what I call the magic of the FU question.
Speaker 3:Okay? Uh-oh. So like, now, here's the thing. Like, and that usually gets people's attention, but it's it's important to sometimes kick somebody in the shin to really make sure they're paying attention. But the beauty and the magic of the FDU question because a lot of people are like, well, I'm not that good of a question asker.
Speaker 3:I I don't know. And what's beautiful about this is it can be simple. So to ask a question, to start the conversation, whether it's to somebody you're mentoring, somebody you wanna engage in a conversation, to ask something a little bit different, like, how are you today? Right? That can be a great way to start.
Speaker 3:But the f u question is an acronym for the follow-up question. Most people are tempted to bring value to a conversation by adding to the conversation. So if somebody says, how are you if you say, how are you today? And they're like, well you know? And they they figure out you actually mean it.
Speaker 3:They they engage. Well, actually, I'm dealing with some stuff. My mom's sick and, you know, having to navigate that with, you know, my own life and and that kind of stuff, it's kinda hard. What we're tempted to do is add to that saying, hey. I totally relate.
Speaker 3:My mom was sick for a while, or I've had to deal with aging parents, or I've had to deal with, you know, a sick family member. I feel it. Like, the adding to often is how we feel like we're bringing value. But the follow-up question, what's beautiful about the follow-up question is that, again, sends the signal, I am here fully curious, fully interested in what you were saying so much so that instead of adding to it, I wanna know more. Man, I'm sorry to hear that.
Speaker 3:I bet that's tough. Like, how what what are you doing to navigate that? Or where are you getting help? Or, you know, like, what what does that feel like for you? Just a follow-up question.
Speaker 3:Again, sometimes because we become amazingly poor, like, terrible at conversation and asking questions. So sometimes when you ask a follow-up question, people look at you again like, woah. They're actually interested. They're they're really you know, they might even pause for a second and go, wow. Like, okay.
Speaker 3:You're you're actually curious? It's like, yeah. I'm I'm legit curious. Like, what is that like? Or you know?
Speaker 3:And and it's not even offering to help necessarily. It's just saying, tell me more about that. Like, it could be that simple. Tell me more about that. That is one of the greatest gifts, and it falls under the umbrella of the ministry of seeing people is to ask a question, and then instead of adding, ask a follow-up.
Speaker 2:It's good. It's good stuff, Mitch, man. I've really enjoyed our conversation today and just so much insight, so much wisdom on just the power of encouragement, the power of helping these mentees see themselves how God sees them by holding them capable, just being interesting instead of interested, being fully present, authentic, be you, not the person that you think that you're meant to needs. And, Mitch, man, I'm just so grateful for you and for your time. If people wanna find out more, tell them how to do that.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Probably, there's two easy ways to do that. Go to mitchmatthews.com. It's probably the easiest way, and you can kinda there's a lot of free resources there and and a couple of our podcasts and things like that so you can find out more about what we do and be encouraged. But, also, I know a lot of your folks' prayer is important, and, we put together a free gift, especially for people that, you know, are interested in mentoring or coaching or speaking.
Speaker 3:And it's it's a a a guide that where I offer 11 of the most powerful prayers. I don't know about you, but I have a short attention span. I really love praying, and prayer is so important to me, but I gotta keep it simple. Like, I have a propensity to make it too complicated, and God's like, doesn't have to be complicated. Right?
Speaker 3:So we put together a a guide specifically for coaches, mentors, speakers to help you in that process to keep you going, and you can find that at mitchmatthews.com backslash backslash 11 prayers. And that's some a a free resource that where you can download it, and my hope is really truly be encouraged.
Speaker 2:Awesome, Mitch. Truly love it. Thank you all so much for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Share it with your mentoring friends. And just like Mitch has been saying this whole time, remember, you can mentor.
Speaker 2:You don't have to be a superhero. You just gotta show up, beat you, and, let the Lord work his magic. So thanks, Mitch. Guys, until next time. See you.
Speaker 2:Thanks for tuning in to
Speaker 1:the You Can Mentor podcast. Give us that five star rating and share this podcast with your mentoring friends. Learn more at youcanmentor.com. Thank you.