I Want To Be Heard, with Marie P Anderson

SUMMARY
In this conversation, Kim Rapach and Marie P. Anderson delve into the intersection of mental health and the entertainment industry, particularly focusing on the modeling sector. Marie shares her extensive journey through the fashion world, highlighting both the glamorous and dark aspects of the industry, including experiences of sexual assault and the challenges of addiction. They discuss the importance of advocacy, the impact of trauma on mental health, and the need for somatic healing. The conversation emphasizes the significance of community support and the necessity of addressing mental health openly to foster healing and empowerment.

MARIE P ANDERSON
https://www.mariepanderson.com/
https://www.instagram.com/mariepandersonofficial/
https://www.instagram.com/bossbabemodels/

KIM RAPACH
https://www.kimrapach.com/
https://www.instagram.com/kimrapach/

Creators and Guests

Host

Kim Rapach

Creator & Host - The Work of Warriors

Composer

Mac Rapach

Designer, Composer - The Work of Warriors

Producer

Mike Rapach

Producer - The Work of Warriors

What is The Work of Warriors?

Success shouldn't cost you your peace.

Welcome to The Work of Warriors, the mental health podcast for artists, entertainers, creatives, entrepreneurs, and high performers who want to build extraordinary lives without sacrificing themselves in the process.

Hosted by former therapist and nervous system strategist Kim Rapach, this podcast explores the intersection of mental health, nervous system regulation, creativity, leadership, and sustainable success. Through honest conversations with actors, musicians, comedians, producers, executives, entrepreneurs, and other industry leaders, you'll discover what it really takes to thrive both personally and professionally.

Together, we're changing the conversation around mental wellness in the entertainment industry by:

• Normalizing honest conversations about mental health

• Teaching practical tools for nervous system regulation and emotional resilience

• Redefining success to include well-being, healthy boundaries, and authentic leadership

Whether you're navigating burnout, anxiety, creative pressure, trauma, or simply searching for a healthier way to succeed, you'll find practical insights, inspiring stories, and meaningful conversations designed to help you build a life you don't have to recover from.

Because when artists are well, everybody wins.

Thank you for being part of this movement. Together, we're creating a healthier entertainment industry, one brave conversation at a time.

Kim Rapach (00:06.16)
Primary. Yay, look, no tech issues.

Marie P. Anderson (00:08.23)
Bye!

Marie P. Anderson (00:11.59)
I was still getting confused because it was telling me I needed to upload. Anyway, at the bottom of the screen, it was saying I needed to upload something and I started uploading it. I'm like, never mind. I'm just going to hope. Hopefully, Kim will pop on and we'll be good.

Kim Rapach (00:31.6)
It should be fine. So which, which like browser are you using? Is it Safari?

Marie P. Anderson (00:38.246)
Well, no, you said not Safari. So I opened up Chrome and OK, because then I went into my emails and I hit on your link, which brought me here.

Kim Rapach (00:43.281)
So you should be fine.

Kim Rapach (00:50.192)
Yeah, yeah. So was it after you clicked on the link I sent you that then you got the message at the bottom? That I don't.

Marie P. Anderson (00:58.63)
Yes, because it was on this, it was on the screen and it's saying Riverside Studio DMG downloading.

Kim Rapach (01:02.448)
Okay, then I'm not.

Kim Rapach (01:10.704)
So if it's downloading, what that just means is our recording is being downloaded on your end as well. And so when we're done, you'll just see, like it'll say fully downloaded. So the really cool thing is that for whatever reason it didn't come through on my end, I could be like, hey, can you go into your downloads and send it back to me? And you may see where it looks like maybe it's not.

Marie P. Anderson (01:16.686)
Kim Rapach (01:33.856)
recording well or it looks a little blurry, don't worry about that. It will all magically come together when Riverside does their thing on their end.

Marie P. Anderson (01:43.718)
Well, right now it says 99 % uploaded. We're good. Okay. Finally, I feel like you're, you're my, my long lost sister or something.

Kim Rapach (01:47.056)
Yeah, yeah, so it's working. Yeah. It's so nice to meet you.

We're reunited. I love that. I found you on Instagram and something that you posted or I don't know, something that you shared just cued me into that you were not only in the modeling industry, but you were focusing on the mental health piece as well. And I was like,

Anytime anybody in the entertainment industry at all is addressing mental health or body image or disordered eating or anything like that. I'm like, I want to know you. And so I reached out. Yes. you need to be heard for sure. And, I, you know, I reached out to you and I know we've been, you know, trying to connect for a while. And then I saw you on another.

Marie P. Anderson (02:32.614)
And I want to be heard because not many people want to listen. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (02:48.698)
podcast and just again a snippet came across my feed and I think you were talking about your own mental health and I was like, my gosh I have to push even harder for this and I want to connect even more and so I'm just really grateful that you're here and that you said yes to my invitation to be on the work of warriors. So thank you for being here and thank you for being willing to share, you know, I would love to hear a little bit more about your, you know, your professional experience.

Marie P. Anderson (02:57.816)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (03:16.88)
And then, you know, then I would like to know why you said yes and why the work of warriors and why is mental health important. So, yeah, any questions before we get started? Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (03:24.102)
That's a lot to unpack. I'm not complaining. I'm just like, okay, can we break that up just a little bit? Because I've got the worst ADD. And so I've got to get in my zone to address each little thought.

Kim Rapach (03:38.096)
Yeah, no, I'll break that down. No problem. First of all, you have how many years in the modeling industry as a model and a coach and an author and the owner of two companies, et cetera. How many years experience do you have?

Marie P. Anderson (03:39.686)
Okay, thank you.

Marie P. Anderson (03:51.494)
Well, there's two answers. One, unprofessionally since I was six years old, and then professionally for 40 years. Because, yeah, I was just, my mother had been a model before she even met my dad, before the war. And she wasn't any big model. She was just kind of a local model.

Kim Rapach (04:06.32)
Okay, can you clarify what you mean by that? What do you mean professionally since you were six?

Marie P. Anderson (04:21.446)
And so when we would then be living in Cocoa Beach, Florida, while my dad was putting men on the moon through NASA, he was a rocket scientist, my mom was doing fundraisers for the community. She was a community activist. And those fundraisers would be what are now called runway shows. Back then were called style shows. And I was...

one of the models that would be walking down the runway.

Kim Rapach (04:54.576)
Did you love it? Like when you were little, did you like it? Did feel like you had to be there? Do you remember?

Marie P. Anderson (04:59.526)
I think quite honestly, I was just doing what mommy told me to do. And really it would eventually lead into me becoming completely enthralled with becoming a fashion designer. And so my mom taught me how to sew and how to knit. She gave me a loom. She taught me how to weave. So I was producing, I had my own line of clothing.

for my Barbies, they were called Minnie. That was my nickname growing up. I even have a label that says Minnie. But the label was almost as big as the garments. But anyway, I was producing runway shows for my Barbies. Unfortunately, I only had one can for the audience, but I was more interested in all my Barbies, their friends, Tressie and Skipper.

Kim Rapach (05:37.168)
of art.

Kim Rapach (05:44.624)
I love

Marie P. Anderson (05:56.166)
I don't know if you're old enough to remember those dolls, but that was really where the whole passion started.

Kim Rapach (05:56.336)
Yeah.

I do.

Yeah, how funny. I think you'll appreciate this. So I would go visit with go visit my grandmother. And she had probably one of I feel like the first Barbies ever, who she looked a little older. She had shorts, you know, glossy hair. And I was just in awe. And I love and my grandma would crochet clothes for her.

And she, my grandma would crochet clothes for like, you know, remember we had those like mini dolls that were like life size, you know, they were supposed to be life size. So she was almost as big as me. She would make us matching outfits. And so, yeah, it just warmed my heart to hear, you know, that's kind of how you got started. Absolutely. I feel like I had the original, the OG American girl. For sure.

Marie P. Anderson (06:28.58)
Yes.

Marie P. Anderson (06:32.1)
Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (06:38.246)
That was before American Girl.

Marie P. Anderson (06:45.862)
Your grandma was a revolutionary with the doll world. that is precious.

Kim Rapach (06:50.8)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it didn't take off the way it did for you though, so tell me more.

Marie P. Anderson (06:56.678)
So tell me about the evolution of my being in the fashion business. So,

Kim Rapach (07:01.072)
Yeah, yeah, or just of any experience you want to, you know, tell us about professionally that led you to where you are today.

Marie P. Anderson (07:08.71)
Okay, well, trying to encapsulate it because I'm 65 and I've had so many years of experience, I'll try to do it in quick little sound bites. So, as I've already told you, I was dying to become a fashion designer. So when I was old enough, I started making my own clothes, my girlfriend's clothes. I got involved with fashion club and the high school.

Yeah, doing anything and everything I could. And keep in mind, this is Cocoa Beach, Florida, in like the early 70s. There was nothing going on. There was like one magazine, Vogue, right? I mean, it was a completely different world. So we didn't have access like the kids have today with the global reach of the Internet. But anyway, the point is, is that I felt very restricted with my resources. But nonetheless,

Flash forward, long story, but flash forward, I would be married when I was 16. And by the time I was 17, I really had a hard time in school. I have dyslexia and as I mentioned, ADD. So it was very hard for me to get through school. But anyway, the point was is that I thought being a fashion designer, they wouldn't worry about grays, but I had applied for all these scholarships and all these colleges were saying no.

And then finally I got one scholarship from Atlanta and I ran in to show my home ec sewing teacher. I was so excited like, look, look, look. my gosh, I'm going to be a fashion designer. I've got a scholarship. And she looked at me like I was so pathetic. And she said, Marie, you'll never be a designer. You don't have any talent.

I gave up my scholarship and that was the end of my fashion design career because I believed in her more than I believed in myself. And that, as you know, that's the underlying mental health component that we'll get into a little bit more. But the point being is that although she completely ripped my aspirational fashion business out from underneath me,

Marie P. Anderson (09:31.75)
I would find myself, God's plan, I would find myself just a few years later running one of the top fashion photographers studios in the world out of Chicago. Now I had still been modeling, you know, freelance kind of stuff. I wasn't any big model, but so I had a lot of modeling education from back in Cocoa Beach, Florida. And then when I arrived in Chicago, I had been modeling.

And then, so when I became a client working for Stan, jeez, creeps, talking about walking into the world of haute couture and pinching yourself. Like, I don't know if you're old enough to remember like Christie Brinkley. Like, I walked into a studio.

Kim Rapach (10:18.99)
yeah. yeah. I'm 52. I'm almost 53, so I've been around.

Marie P. Anderson (10:26.662)
I walked into his studio and he had these gorgeous massive color prints of like Christie Brinkley, if you remember Gia. So Gia, she was the predecessor to Cindy Crawford, which is another conversation. But anyway, the point is, is that his studio was filled with all these unbelievable models and he had shot them for Vogue for various shoots that he had been on.

And so, and then he started bringing me to Rome as his assistant to shoot the Italian collections twice a year. So I'd be in Rome with models like Iman. Do you remember Iman? Who most people only know as David Bowie's widow. But she was one of the biggest models in the world back then. But anyway, the point was I would be on set with Iman, Beverly Johnson, Dahma, Apollonia.

all these super global names before there was social media or the internet to give them names. Like everybody knew them through the magazines. But the point being is that Valentino himself would be on set there too. So there I am standing next to one of the biggest fashion designers in the world. I never had my fashion design career.

but at least I could experience his essence, his magic through his women that he was constantly booking. And watching those women move in front of the camera was like watching angels on earth. They were just so incredible. And then we'd leave there, we'd go to New York and we would shoot a cover of Vogue with Kim Alexis. And then we'd go back to Chicago and shoot a week of Sears. Back when Sears.

was still around. So that's kind of the foundation of really how I was given an opportunity that most people only read about or see in the movies. It was incredible.

Kim Rapach (12:22.543)
Yeah, yeah, remember that too.

Kim Rapach (12:36.72)
Yeah, yeah. Well, and I love how you connected it to your story of feeling like you missed your chance. And you could have been disgruntled and walked away, but you said, OK, well, this is, I guess, this is what I'll be doing and take that. And then you went on to do even more.

Marie P. Anderson (12:50.342)
-huh. And trust me, Valentino, I think, was far away more genius with fashion design than I think I ever would have been. Because I grew up on the beach. We weren't exposed to couture back then. It was like Tommy Bahama or PacSun. I don't even remember those are the brands back then.

But are you old enough, do you know Ron John? The surf shop here in Cocoa Beach? Anyway, it's like everything was flip flops and cut off shorts and tank tops and bikinis and you know, I wasn't exposed to that, but he was. So I didn't have that kind of influence.

Kim Rapach (13:21.648)
Yeah! Hey!

Kim Rapach (13:33.2)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (13:39.056)
Yeah. Well, you went on to do other things. You started Boss Babe Models.

Marie P. Anderson (13:42.672)
Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah. So that was, that was seven years ago, that I would do that. And I did that as a result of seeing what, what was happening very quickly. And as a result of social media, how many,

Kim Rapach (13:49.39)
Okay.

Marie P. Anderson (14:09.094)
authorities or experts were branding themselves, claiming that they could teach people about how to become a model or become a mother agent for them. You know, all you have to do is put an Instagram account out and now you're official. And so I started to see the lack of good information being shared. And I thought, and then.

Also simultaneously, I had left the agency business, like, okay, I'm done. I'm done with the agency business for lots of long reasons. But it was finally to have that human connection one -on -one as a coach to offer my 40 years of experience. Well, then it was like, what, 30?

33, whatever. Back then, I had a lot of information I could share. And I have.

Kim Rapach (15:04.368)
And I apologize, I think I missed I missed a gap. So you were doing the photography piece.

Marie P. Anderson (15:11.622)
Yeah, there's a big gap there. I didn't want to interrupt you since you jumped forward.

Kim Rapach (15:14.64)
No, and then so yeah, go ahead. No redirect me please. So then there was a bunch of agency you have you were with the agencies in Chicago and elsewhere. Okay, yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (15:18.49)
Okay.

Marie P. Anderson (15:23.27)
Yeah. So let me see. So I'll run through them very quickly. So I've either run or owned every top fashion agency in Chicago before I left the agency business since other agencies have evolved. But the point being is that I was working for Stan for three years, late seventies into very early eighties. And he came to me one day and he said, Maria, I think you should become an agent at a model agency.

And I said, why? He goes, because you're spending more time with the models in their castings rearranging their books than you are doing your job. I was like, okay. Yes. Right. I mean, it wasn't nasty. It was just like, Hey, this is what I, you know, so it was, I, I believed so much that God speaks through people to get, to help guide us. And then we know, yeah, that's the way to go. Or no, that's not the way to go.

Kim Rapach (16:05.496)
At least he saw your GIFs. He didn't peppermend you. Yeah. Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (16:22.534)
But anyway, jump forward. So I called Jane Stewart, who had a tiny little agency. It was only about 800 square feet called Stewart Model and Talent. And because I had been booking her gorgeous models in the Chicago bookings, she and I already had a great relationship. So I picked up the phone, I called her and I said, Jane, I want to become a booking agent. And essentially she said, when do you want to start?

Kim Rapach (16:22.608)
Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (16:54.022)
So, you know, because we had already had the relationship and she knew my pedigree coming from Stan Studio. So like, I was a priceless asset that would be coming into her agency. And what ended up happening is that I started working for Jane after I found my replacement, it only took a few weeks, but I started working for Jane as female booker, hair, makeup and wardrobe stylist book.

And so as a result of that, a couple of months after I had started, I was interviewing this makeup artist by the name of George Stattner. And he wanted representation as a makeup artist. But I got so enthralled with this beauty in his book, I said, who is this girl? He goes, her name's Cynthia Crawford. She's just a girl in the suburbs. She's not interested in modeling. She's already been rejected by the agencies because of the mole on her face.

And I said, my gosh, I think that's what's so interesting about her. She's not the typical model. So keep in mind, remember when I was in Italy, I was being around all like the darker kind of shapelier kind of women, not traditional, super skinny or blonde hair, blue eyed, all American girls. So I had that eye train from Stan. Not saying that there's anything wrong with Caucasian blonde hair, blue eyed girls. I'm.

started a lot of beautiful cover girls like that. But the point being is that I said I wanted to talk to her and George said, well, that was shot by the photographer, Scott Weimer. So we'll have to call him. And so I called Scott. He put me in touch with Cindy, which her name became Cindy instead of Cynthia. And.

She explained she didn't want, they lived in DeKalb, it was a couple hours away from Chicago. There was construction. Like it would be a lot for her to come downtown being a high school kid. I said, please just trust me. Just give me a chance. And she came in with her mom. And then as I recall it, she came in with her mom and then she came in with her mom and her dad. And then her dad gave her a slight loan to do a paid test to make her portfolio.

Marie P. Anderson (19:15.75)
And so that's how we got started, she and I, at Stuart Talent. And then within a year, Jane Stewart and John Casablanca merged and they created Elite Chicago, which now everybody knows to be called Select. They went through a variety of brands, but now they've been Select for several years. And then Stuart Talent still exists.

as the talent agency and commercial print. So the point is, is that I would then go from being booker to director to vice president. And before I left, I would write my first book that was published worldwide. And Cindy was on the cover of that book, thanking me for her career. let me see, because there were several. So hold on. Model, the complete guide.

Kim Rapach (20:04.91)
And what was the name of it? What's the name of the book?

Marie P. Anderson (20:13.286)
to becoming a professional model. And these were all sold out years ago. I'm not trying to pitch any sales to anybody. I'm just telling you about my resume. So, okay, so then.

Kim Rapach (20:19.918)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (20:27.334)
As a result of, and this is where we're gonna get into some of the uglier sides of the business, as a result of being the vice president and having to continuously be the interceptor of our models that were coming back from Europe, alleging sexual assault, sexual impropriety that was going on with one of John Casablanca's partners there in Europe,

Back then, nobody talked about this kind of stuff. And I myself am a survivor of sexual assault. And I never said anything to anybody. I just kept my mouth shut. And so what would end up happening is that the girls all swore me to secrecy. I couldn't divulge their stories. So I had to keep quiet. And then...

At the last year of my employment, which I think was 1989, I was in Ibiza and overheard a conversation between John Casablanca's and his then partner, Gerald Marie, and they were defending themselves for sleeping with 13 and 14 year old girls to two of the New York employees begging them to stop. And I was like, that is gross. They're they're they think nothing of seducing children.

how can you be complicit when you're not even old enough to vote? But they were justifying it. So I quit. And I was so disgusted with the agency business. Guess what I did? I opened up a little coaching company. And that was 1990. That was called Model Futures. And then I had that for two years, swearing off the agency business. And then one of my clients, Merid Boncher,

who had her own agency asked me to become her partner. And I said, I cannot go back into the agency business if there's gonna be anything inappropriate. This is all about advocating for models, healthy work environment. And she swore, she said, you don't have to tell me I'm Catholic. I'm happily married. My husband will never touch anybody. So we opened up Aria and we had 13 years of a multimillion dollar agency.

Marie P. Anderson (22:51.558)
And before we sold Aria in Chicago to Ford in New York, I wrote my second book on how to become a model that was published worldwide. And that was another beauty that I had found at a modeling convention, Jessica Mills. And so we had that for, yeah, 13 years. And then I didn't want to sell, but my bookers at the time were like, we can become Ford. You're like, that'd be really awesome.

because we become a global network and my business partners kept bugging me to sell. So we sold and then I would be out of the business, so to speak, for pursuing like some kind of a spiritual quest. and I had become one year clean and sober, which is a very, very important part of the story.

Kim Rapach (23:43.832)
Mmm.

Marie P. Anderson (23:47.718)
Because once I landed in Los Angeles and realized I was working in West Hollywood, living in West Hollywood, I was like, man, I'm going to relapse if I don't get out of here. And so then I moved to Scottsdale for a few years and I went from being a millionaire to a pauper in two weeks as a result of that housing collapse in 2008.

So I would end up going back to Chicago and I would open up another agency called Agency Galatea and that was inside of Grossman and Jack Talent. We're almost to the end. And then Linda Jack, the owner, didn't want to have a fashion department or print department at all, lifestyle or fashion print. And so, so that they could just focus on their actors.

and so I left there, I think it was in late 2016. And then in later on that year, I would be hired by Wilhelmina New York to run the Wilhelmina Chicago office. I think I was there for five or six months. That was not a good situation. So I got fired from there because I was complaining too much about the hostile work environment. I'm laughing because.

It's so sad. You know, you've got to keep a sense of humor in dark times. So anyway, so then I would leave and I'd say.

Kim Rapach (25:15.184)
Well, and I think for, you know, especially for younger people, it's hard to realize that it hasn't always been so public. And it's, it's not like everything is exposed now. We have a long way to go, of course, but also it was just so much worse. And you do bring, you know, a different perspective and a different reality. I mean, not different reality, but some truth to how things really were. It didn't just start five years ago. You've been.

Marie P. Anderson (25:43.27)
No, as a matter of fact, I didn't want to bring anybody down, but it is relevant when I was in Rome working with Stan on my last trip there. The most powerful man at that time in publishing was his client who had booked him to shoot all the Italian collections for all the magazines. I was invited to a party in his hotel room.

and me being like, okay, I'll go to the hotel room. Because we had finished shooting the collections and everybody was, you know, just wanted to relax. And so I got to his hotel room and I walked in there. There was a top photographer, Patrick Demarchier and the publisher Paponi and his editor, Lisette.

And I was looking around the room like, where is everybody? I was thinking, this is such a dud party. my gosh, I'm gonna have to leave soon. And I was offered champagne. So I'm like, God. And they're all talking in French. And I didn't remember any of my French that I'd learned from my Canadian mother. So I'm just sitting there so bored sipping on a champagne. And then the next thing I know Demarche is gone. Paponi sits on my left on the couch and then Lisette sits on my right.

and I had really long hair. And so Lisette takes some of my long hair, the curl, and she starts twirling around her tongue. I'm like, it's time for me to go now. Then I understood what the party was. Put my champagne glass, started to run outside of the hotel room. And this is the Grand Hotel in Rome. This isn't some crappy hotel. This is an opulent, beautiful, old school, gorgeous hotel.

And so as I'm trying to get to the door, he, Paponi, grabs me and slams me up against the wall. And he says, if you don't sleep with us, Malinowski never works for this magazine again. And it was like something right out of a movie. I pushed him off of me and I said, I'm just going to have to take that chance. And I just started to bawl and I go over and open this massive wooden door. They have a, that,

Marie P. Anderson (28:03.974)
the knob in the center. And so I pulled that thing open and slammed against the wall. And I ran down these beautiful marble steps and ran across the street to the Hotel Cetillo where me and all the assistants were staying. Not the Grand Hotel, not complaining, just saying. And I cried myself to sleep. I thought I had ruined Stan's career. And the next morning I'm getting on the bus with all the models and the assistants and other photographers.

And there's Paponi standing by the bus door and my heart is about to jump out of my chest. I didn't know what was happening or what his intention was. And as I get close to the door trying to like skirt around him, cause he's standing there as if he's the ambassador greeting everybody, right? He wasn't standing in the doorway. He was standing to the side of the door.

And so as I was approaching him trying to skirt by, he grabs me and he says, like nothing had even happened the night before. So for me, I had a lot of those experiences myself. I had been raped by a top fashion photographer when I was the vice president of elite. And going back to what we were saying, we didn't have these conversations. People kept mute.

Because just keep your mouth shut. Just do your job. Put your head down. Because nobody cares. And who are you going to go yell to? Or cry to?

You know, what are you going to tell the police? Like, it's just a very, very different world. Now, thank God. You know, so anyway, going back to advocacy and mental wellness, as a result of leaving Elite Chicago in late 1989, I just decided I'm not going to be mute anymore. I'm going to start talking out. And none of the press, none of the journalists in Chicago were interested in anything that I had to say.

Kim Rapach (29:43.504)
Yeah. Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (30:08.006)
Stop. What are you talking about? This doesn't happen. Like non -believers. But then finally, the first public, excuse me, the first journalist, Michael Gross from New York, he wrote, modeled the ugly business of beautiful women. And in there, he quoted me talking about the instance hearing Gerald Marie and John Casablanca's defending themselves.

He was the first journalist to have the courage to talk about this stuff. And I think that was late 90s. Can't remember, late maybe 2000 that he came out with that book. And then he himself told me he got a lot of pushback from people in the business calling him a liar.

Kim Rapach (30:57.488)
Yeah, of course. Yeah. Wow.

Marie P. Anderson (31:02.246)
And not to get really down on it, but we are here to talk about mental wellness. and I know we only have a few minutes left, but like, have you seen the new Kevin Space? okay.

Kim Rapach (31:12.88)
time. It's one for me so I have like another 45 minutes.

Marie P. Anderson (31:16.902)
Okay, so have you seen the new Kevin Spacey documentary, Spacey Unmasked?

Kim Rapach (31:21.808)
No, I have not watched -

Marie P. Anderson (31:25.84)
Nasty, nasty allegations. But I say that and yet at the same time, I'm so proud of the male survivors who shared their truth. Not only the Americans, but the Englishmen as well talking about this. And then now most recently, finally, the David Copperfield allegations are coming out. You know, it's like slowly but surely there's a momentum finally.

And again, it was Michael Gross who was the one who was doing all of this, trying to really shake up the business and trying to make people aware.

Kim Rapach (32:05.296)
Well, and here's why this is so important for me is we have this false narrative that everyone who has a mental health quote unquote issue was just born that way, or they have a chemical imbalance or, you know, it's, it's hereditary. And the truth is most people with mental health issues and diagnoses have an experience.

that have caused a shift in their nervous system that, and they're just trying to survive the world without the language, without the tools, with like you've experienced with a lot of blame, a lot of shame. So these stories matter so much so that people can find hope and stop feeling like they're the problem, that they're sick or that they're broken.

Marie P. Anderson (32:50.97)
or something.

Kim Rapach (32:58.448)
we all have experiences and you and I share some pretty dark experiences with being survivors of sexual assault. Most people have experiences that have left them confused, dysregulated with a diagnosis with physical issues. And so this is in the public eye, but I think everyone can relate to them if they're.

Marie P. Anderson (33:03.204)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (33:22.928)
if they're in a position to be honest with themselves, or if they're not a survivor, but they're an advocate to be willing to hear other people's stories. And it's, you know, we're moving away from this idea of like, what's wrong with you to what happened to you.

Marie P. Anderson (33:37.318)
Yeah. And what are you going to do about it? Because I think that's very important as survivors that, I mean, it's okay to sit in self -pity for a while and try to just process the trauma, whatever it is. And at some point though, we need to become accountable for, okay, that's what happened to us. That's not who we are. That's just an experience, not just like minimizing it, but it was an experience.

Now what are we gonna do about it? My sexual impropriety started when I was six years old. And I was just thinking about this randomly. I never thought about this my entire life. But I remember, because my head was getting prepared to talk to you, I remember doing that style show for my mom. And then later that afternoon,

So there I was in the fashion business. And then later that afternoon being molested by a brother and sister who were just a little older than me that lived on my street. And so I was thinking like, that's kind of an interesting theme that fashion, sexual impropriety, it goes back even further than I had, I was thinking that was just when I worked for Stan, but it was like, no.

since adolescence, that was happening to me. But I started my sugar addiction, you're talking about trying to survive and just deal with things. My sugar addiction became my coping skill. And it's something I'm still struggling through. But thank God today I have 70 years, excuse me.

Kim Rapach (35:06.32)
Wow. Wow.

Marie P. Anderson (35:29.45)
70 days, 70 days of sobriety away from my sugar. But I would go from being a sugar addict at six to starting to drink at 10, smoking cigarettes by 12. You know, the addictions just started adding up and I, as much psychotherapy I had, it wasn't until I was in my

Kim Rapach (35:29.756)
70 years.

Marie P. Anderson (35:58.864)
middle 40s that I had a shrink tell me first time in my entire life and they and all the shrinks before them knew about all the abuse and my my new shrink I call her Joe Amug it's just my nickname for her she said do you realize you're an alcoholic?

I said, what you talking about? Well, it's, you know, because the association with alcoholism is the wino laying in the gutter with a paper bag and a bottle hidden in size. Like, no, there's all sorts of alcoholics. And she went on to explain it to me. And she said, I'm going to challenge you to go to a 12 step meeting. So just go and listen. If you don't think you belong there, that's fine. We'll move on. But I'm telling you, that's what I think.

I think you're an alcoholic. And I went to my first meeting and I was like, God.

Why did not anybody tell me about this before? I had had two failed marriages and I was the common link. It's like, okay, accountability time. All right, so what am I going to do about it? So that's when I started getting clean and sober. So that was just over 20 years ago. And by becoming clean and sober and then working also with, you know, psychotherapy,

and trying to research as much on trauma recovery and trauma as equally important trauma prevention. I had also become a martial artist to learn more about self -defense. And I started assisting at Chicago Fitness Center, teaching women self -defense, which was helping my recovery, right? So I was doing everything and anything I could to make sure that I didn't relapse with my alcohol.

Marie P. Anderson (37:59.366)
or drugs or what else? My smoking.

Kim Rapach (37:59.374)
Mm.

Kim Rapach (38:03.6)
Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think one thing that we don't, that we're still not talking enough about is the physical connection, right? Needing that dopamine hit via cigarettes, alcohol, sugar, you know, anger, rage, shopping, gambling, porn, whatever it is, trying not being aware of what we're trying to not feel. And then,

Marie P. Anderson (38:19.014)
-huh.

Kim Rapach (38:25.064)
understanding the connection there and the need to really like, I used to be a therapist, I'm all for psychotherapy. And also, I think there is a huge need for more somatic therapies, more physical healing.

in what has happened to our physical bodies, right? Via the abuse and the assault and teaching people how to, you know, like you said, you know, it's, it's not sitting in, you know, we don't want to go from like, okay, this happened to me. Here's, you know, here's, here's what happened. I'm going to name it and then move on. It's how do I pay attention to what's actually happening? Not from a place of victimhood, but of a place of empowerment. This is part of my story and I'm going to write the rest of it.

Marie P. Anderson (39:05.638)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (39:13.968)
This isn't where the story ends. Yeah. But it, you know, we need help in doing that. We need to be able to grieve and we need to be able to find tools. We need to be able to learn how to get back into our bodies and feel safe. So many of us, for many reasons, unfortunately, I have goosebumps as I talk about it. We don't feel safe in our own bodies because of those assaults, because of those improprieties, because of even just the whispers and the, you know,

Marie P. Anderson (39:15.746)
Absolutely.

Marie P. Anderson (39:20.612)
Mm -hmm.

Marie P. Anderson (39:25.606)
you

Marie P. Anderson (39:35.812)
Mm -mm.

Kim Rapach (39:43.888)
like what we were taught to believe about our bodies. And so those somatic experiences, whether it's self defense, but also again, I'm very, I'm a huge fan. It's in a lot of the work I do as a wellness coach, teaching people about their nervous system and what.

Marie P. Anderson (39:59.462)
Right? Yes.

Kim Rapach (39:59.76)
what feels familiar, why are you triggered? Yeah, you're not being assaulted anymore, but your body doesn't know that. You know, smells can trigger that people sounds music songs, teaching people how to get back into their bodies and to be empowered to be safe is just a huge piece of all of this, I think.

Marie P. Anderson (40:10.884)
Thank you.

Marie P. Anderson (40:20.582)
I had a little teeny piece of artwork made because I want to create a little trauma prevention video for Instagram. And this adorable artist out of Chicago drew and then created a video out of it of a person, just a skeleton, but they're being electrocuted. And that is how I'm going to try to articulate visually to people when I...

have a traumatic experience that's how it feels. But then when I'm also triggered, it's the same thing. My central nervous system just feels it is completely exhausted. And people are like, Marie, it was only a rape, like whatever. I know people that just, it's too much for people to absorb because they don't know how to handle it. And once you tell them that,

Kim Rapach (41:06.896)
Who says that? Shame on them!

Marie P. Anderson (41:16.87)
then it's like, okay, so what am I supposed to do now? And, but anyway, back to recovery, I completely lost my train of thought. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. Again, my ADD, I'm like all over the place. Yeah, back to the electrocution because that's what I was trying to articulate is that feeling electrocuted from our inside out when we get re -triggered. And I will be just having,

Kim Rapach (41:26.64)
Sorry.

Marie P. Anderson (41:46.47)
I'll be eating lunch at a very nice restaurant all by myself. And you know, the table is set up with your water and everything. And then if a waiter comes, if they come from behind me, I literally will jump back. And I have embarrassed multiple waitstaff people.

where they're like, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. What did I do wrong? It's like, no, I just have some issues. There's nothing you did wrong. Please don't take offense to it. I just need you next time to come where I can see you first. And then because I've had so many problems of violence from behind me and it's just triggering.

Kim Rapach (42:31.952)
Yeah. Yeah, I have a very hypersensitive nervous system and surprise is not fun for me. And I'm easily, easily startled. And it's that exactly. And, you know, I've, and this is just, just my thing, because I do feel like I've, you know, healed a lot, but it's just out of respect for my nervous system. But when it happens and you know, somebody scares you and we're like, my God, and I get scared. And then I'm just like,

Marie P. Anderson (42:42.98)
Thank you.

Kim Rapach (43:01.07)
f in trauma. Like I'm just naming it. I'm just naming it. Like that's what it is. And I'm okay. Of course. It's just that's what it is. And I will keep telling the truth. Because that's what it is. And I'm not going to apologize for it. It's just that's my experience. I have a lot of trauma. I scare easily. I startle easily. And I'm going to keep healing. So yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (43:04.678)
Yeah. Can I borrow that? Okay. Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (43:17.094)
Good for you.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Marie P. Anderson (43:25.926)
Good for you. God bless you. one thing I wanted to ask you or talk to you about on a positive note about the entertainment business and proactive activity. Are you familiar with...

theatrical intimacy education.

Kim Rapach (43:45.424)
I have heard of it, I'm not super familiar.

Marie P. Anderson (43:47.91)
Okay, so...

Kim Rapach (43:49.936)
But that's providing education and care around intimate scenes, right? And having a coach and having therapists. Yeah, I love that, yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (43:56.038)
Yes, yes. So I was speaking at Columbia College about two years ago, Melissa Gamble had invited me to be part of a panel there. And the gentleman that was on the panel with me, because the subject of sex came up and trauma and the gentleman on the panel was like,

when it came to my time to talk, I'm like, I don't even want to talk. You were so awesome. Who are you? We're going to become friends, whether you know it or not. And he is a theatrical intimacy coordinator. And so I was like, okay, I need to learn more about that because I need to learn more about trauma prevention. So I took a weekend workshop and it was only a few hundred dollars, but it was priceless where...

And I explained, I am a survivor, so don't ask me to like interact with people. Let me just sit and take notes. And they were perfectly fine with that. So I would watch people standing in front of each other. They would have like one human and another human. It wasn't a group. So one human facing another human. And they would have to physically act out before we do our scene. This is okay. No tongues.

this is okay, this is not okay. They would physically go around their whole body and then their partner would articulate the same thing. And of course, I'm minimizing two days of experience, but the point being afterwards, I went up to the head woman whose name is escaping me, Laura Ricard. Yeah, her daughters wanted to become models. I helped her there. So Laura Ricard.

I said, Laura, when y 'all are done with the film business, I need you to come back into the fashion business and I want you to communicate this same thing to photographers and all creatives so that they can understand. And this is the whole reason I wanted to do that little trauma video. Because if one in four that are reported, one in four people,

Marie P. Anderson (46:14.308)
excuse me, one in four females are assaulted, one in six males are assaulted before they're 18. That's a high propensity of people. So when they, as models, pursuing modeling, if they come into that photographer's studio, that photographer should assume that that person comes with trauma experience.

and they should not be asking them to pose in sexually explicit ways. I've had so many arguments with photographers that are like, Marie, stop it. Sex sells. I'm like, yes, it sells the soul. It sells the soul. So by you compromising those people, you are now selling their soul. You are now precipitating that. And people are so...

Kim Rapach (46:55.472)
Yes. Yeah, it sounds so soft.

Marie P. Anderson (47:08.038)
yes friendly and they want to please, especially photographers, that the photographer would say, do you mind taking your top off? Most of them will say, no, it's okay. When they're really, they know it's not okay. And they walk out of the studio feeling shame for it, but they didn't want to actually be honest because they didn't want that photographer to think that they were, you know, unfun to shoot with.

Kim Rapach (47:34.704)
Yeah, yeah. Well, and here's the thing, trauma is not a buzzword. We are just on the beginning cusp of learning to understand the catastrophic impact that it actually has. And when you think of like, I mean, I can think like I had a child and no one ever asked me, do you have any sexual trauma? No one ever even asked. Think of just that process alone.

And so when we are talking about in the entertainment industry, my hope is that as we become more and more trauma informed, there will be less and less trauma. But like we're in the middle where it's like some people want to say, no, that's too much. It's too uncomfortable. I don't want to talk about it. And other people are like, well, that's my story and I don't want it public. I don't want to talk about it. Like there's, we're just in the beginning. And so I'm, I'm grateful that.

Marie P. Anderson (48:13.25)
Thank you!

Kim Rapach (48:28.964)
you know, people like you are willing to tell the truth and willing to have the conversation because how else are we going to get to a point where people not one in four are going to walk in with a traumatic sexual experience? We have to talk about it so we when we know better, we do better.

Marie P. Anderson (48:44.55)
Go ahead.

Thank you. I've had 36 friends commit suicide.

Yeah. All but three were in the modeling business. Yeah. Yeah. So as we're, and I tried twice myself once when I was 16 and then when I lost everything in 2008, but God was not intending me to be successful. And again, I laugh because it's dark humor.

Kim Rapach (49:00.72)
So sorry.

Kim Rapach (49:15.472)
I think that's, I think that's, we had already connected on social media, but I think that was the part of your story that I heard that stopped me in my tracks. And I was like, I got to circle back with her. I want to, because that's what the work of warriors is all about is helping people through these stories that like, I've been in the dark. I've questioned my existence. I've tried to take my life.

Marie P. Anderson (49:26.086)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (49:43.952)
The world needs you. You're here for a reason. The world needs your gifts. And that's, you know, much like with trauma, I think we can help people not feel alone.

think again thinking I'm crazy there's something wrong with me I'm broken how could I feel this way I have everything whatever it may be and it's like no because your business and your success and your fame is not turns out it's not the answer to your mental health and so thank you for your honesty I don't know if you want to share any more about that

Marie P. Anderson (50:18.31)
I'm an open book girl because if I can save one life by sharing my story, my existence was.

successful. You know, cause I know what it feels like to be in that despair and think there's no way out. Nobody will care. I understand. I truly do. So that's why I talk out so much about this and I'm trying to be so boisterous with my story to prevent trauma, to prevent suicide, because you know, it kind of evolves a lot of people.

And I'm not minimizing anything, but a lot of people will experience one rape, can't handle it and take their own life.

And so, you know, if you have just one per one rape victim who can't handle it, and then you put them into the modeling business, who's going to make it even worse. And you had a really good question in here that I wanted to make sure that we bring up. gosh, darn it. It was asking about celebrities wellness.

Do you remember the question it was talking about celebrity and fulfillment, eradicate the notion that fame brings fulfillment. When you think about how many of our amazing celebrities who have died by overdoses or who have died by suicides, I think that that right there underlines it doesn't. It...

Marie P. Anderson (52:01.318)
the celebrity and fame and money and power, it does not bring you any kind of true soul connection. It brings you a lot of insanity around you, which only exacerbates the problem.

Kim Rapach (52:15.504)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think we have to talk about the fact that we live in a world where we are literally raising a generation of youth to believe that if you have the followers, if you go viral, that that is going to make you happy. And now we have youth who are experiencing that. I have friends who have gone viral and it nearly destroyed them. And so it's not the answer.

I have, you know, I have a lot of experience similar to yours with losing people who the rest of the world questions, right? And I want to do away with that questioning. Well, how could they do that? You know, how could they do that? They had everything because one, you don't know because someone is in the public eye or is a high profile personnel, you know, nothing about them. You know, the snippets you see on TV and, hello.

Marie P. Anderson (52:58.342)
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Kim Rapach (53:08.784)
When you see them in a movie or television show, guess what? That's not them. So it's weird. We've got to stop this narrative that there's something wrong with people. It's like they're suffering. Something has happened to them and they don't have the language or the tools or the community or something worse is happening that we don't even know about. And so we have to eradicate this idea that fame and money and success is what's going to fulfill us. You know, and you even.

Marie P. Anderson (53:19.59)
Yeah, thank you.

Marie P. Anderson (53:37.156)
High five. High five from Florida.

Kim Rapach (53:38.192)
Yeah, you shared, you know, you, you went from being a million, you said I went from being a millionaire to a pauper. And it's like, everything can be taken away. I talked to all of my clients about like, you can climb the tallest tree, but I want to know what's still going to be there if you lose it, I don't want you to lose it. I'm not manifested. I'm not asking. I want you to be successful.

Marie P. Anderson (53:47.046)
in two weeks.

Yeah!

Marie P. Anderson (54:02.63)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (54:05.328)
I want your career to take off. I just don't want it to take you out. And if for whatever reason the market crashes, somebody tells a lie about you, you get canceled, who's going to be there? And are you going to be there for yourself? The success and the fame and whatever it is that you want, the money, that should just be bonus to the life that you have built for yourself of joy and peace and what you really, really, really want.

Marie P. Anderson (54:33.094)
without that strong foundation. You can't build anything that'll last. Have you seen the new documentary, Quiet on the Set?

Kim Rapach (54:38.136)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (54:41.872)
Yeah. Yeah.

Marie P. Anderson (54:44.678)
That's another example. Like, look at those are children, absolute children that were being exploited.

Kim Rapach (54:51.632)
Yep. Yeah, and if we don't change the conversation and if we don't continue to educate ourselves on the impact of trauma, if we don't continue to help people be well, it won't change. And I always say, when you become well, everybody benefits. When artists are well, we all benefit.

And it's not just like we're just happier. It's like, no, we end generational trauma and that's a big freaking deal. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So I'll just ask you, what is it today? So you have experience with sexual assault. You have experience with addiction, which they essentially might, we might as well say they go hand in hand.

Marie P. Anderson (55:23.398)
ripple effect. Absolutely.

Marie P. Anderson (55:37.414)
Yeah. Yes.

Marie P. Anderson (55:43.524)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (55:45.04)
And there's so much, I'm not a scientist, but there's so much scientific data that explains why that is the dopamine versus serotonin, you know, pleasure versus happiness. But you have experience with, with those, you have experience with struggles with your mental health. And so when I reached out and said, Hey, I have this podcast dedicated to bringing mental wellness to the entertainment industry and ultimately ending celebrity suicide.

I mean, I think I know, but I would like to hear it from you why you said yes.

Marie P. Anderson (56:19.566)
Uhhh...

Well, first of all, we're definitely part of a sisterhood. Anybody that would take on the responsibility of sharing that conversation is a hero in my mind. So of course, I want to celebrate and support a woman. That's my thing. And I want to support the cause. And I also want to share my story as an opportunity to maybe help prevent suicide.

maybe to give somebody hope. Because if we have just a little glimmer of hope, we can build from there. But if it's hopeless, then that's where we make the final decision to take extreme steps.

Kim Rapach (57:06.032)
Yeah, yeah. And what do you do on a regular basis? I mean, you've been, you know, you said you've been suicidal twice in adolescence and as an adult. What do you do today to protect your mental health?

Marie P. Anderson (57:29.126)
First of all, remind myself that my mother was a violent schizophrenic, fully functional, but a violent schizophrenic. And so when you are in the womb of a woman who is mentally not well, when you pop out and you absorb that hysteria, that craziness,

Kim Rapach (57:58.352)
You're absorbing it in the womb.

Marie P. Anderson (57:58.438)
And so thank you, exactly. And then you're in person experiencing it, makes it even worse. But people always ask me, when did you start being a warrior? I said, in the womb, in my mother's womb, because I was alone in that crazy place. There was nobody else to help me, but I had to learn to deal with it. Now, obviously I didn't have the brain, but you know, the...

Kim Rapach (58:02.224)
You're absorbing it in the room. Yeah.

Yep.

Marie P. Anderson (58:27.642)
All the stuff that makes up a little baby in a womb knew what was going on. But my point is, is that I have to stop and ask myself every day, my mom's name was Marcel. So I will stop and I'll ask myself, is this Marcel's insanity? Is this the narrative that mom had us think about ourselves? Or is this, you know, I have to stop and question the moment.

of what is going on and what is being triggered kind of thing. And then to, for my mental health, do something about the sugar addiction, go to the health club, make better choices with my food. One thing that I do.

Kim Rapach (59:11.312)
know if you can hear me but you're frozen on me for a second.

Marie P. Anderson (59:16.934)
Can you see me?

Kim Rapach (59:17.776)
Excuse me.

I don't know if you can hear me.

Marie P. Anderson (59:22.694)
And now you're frozen on my end.

Marie P. Anderson (59:28.206)
Hello.

Kim Rapach (59:30.192)
Let's go text you.

Marie P. Anderson (59:31.45)
installation.

Kim Rapach (59:50.926)
there you go.

Marie P. Anderson (59:52.026)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:00:28.624)
Hmm, did it kick you off? What happened?

Kim Rapach (01:01:53.584)
It should be the same.

Kim Rapach (01:02:18.352)
Let's check your camera.

Kim Rapach (01:02:31.896)
Weird.

Let me call you.

Kim Rapach (01:02:47.778)
You're a champion.

Kim Rapach (01:02:57.616)
That's weird.

Kim Rapach (01:03:02.864)
and forwarded to voice.

Kim Rapach (01:03:17.848)
Try closing the app.

Kim Rapach (01:03:30.768)
There you are. Got it. You're back. Yay. technology.

Marie P. Anderson (01:03:34.188)
Hey! I completely lost what we were talking about, but I think you need to go now, don't you?

Kim Rapach (01:03:42.928)
I have just a few more minutes. If you want to, if you would just share, you know, you said, how did you become a warrior from the womb? And then, yeah, what are you doing on a daily basis to protect your mental health?

Marie P. Anderson (01:03:45.514)
Yep.

Marie P. Anderson (01:03:53.396)
Yeah. What am I doing on a daily basis?

Marie P. Anderson (01:04:01.362)
A lot of it is making better choices with all my substance abuse recovery. That could be as simple as going to the grocery store and getting spinach instead of potato chips. You know, I mean, because your body is your temple and eating good food is what helps a lot. I have a very, I am not a...

church -going girl, but I'm definitely a very committed Christian. But I also believe in leprechauns and fairy godmothers and all those magical things in the forest. And so I just for my mental health, I just try to keep myself solid on a foundation of I'm OK. We just need to live in proactive steps today and.

Now I've got a new therapist. I had gone four years without one, which is a result of, you know, no, they don't take your insurance. They left, they left to practice. They're not taking new patients. That was four years. So now finally I've got a therapist. So anyway, the point being is that I'm every day, I'm trying to like, what can I do to better myself so that I can be the best person I possibly can be. And this is true. And it's all roving.

When I got clean and sober over 20 years ago, I thought I am not going to have another boyfriend until I feel that I am the best person that I could possibly be to offer myself to that individual. I want to be as healthy as I possibly can be. And so I haven't had a boyfriend in 24 years. And because I don't want to just settle, I don't want to just...

be with somebody who fills the time because as you know with every relationship you're bringing in their baggage as well as having your own. So I need to make sure that my shit's together because I need to make sure I'm not bringing in somebody else who could be toxic.

Kim Rapach (01:06:11.44)
Sure. Well, and the work of a warrior, by this definition for this podcast for this work that I do, is someone who fights for themselves first, so that they can bring their best to the world, whether that be an intimate partner relationship, a working relationship, a friendship, you know, whatever it may be, we like it just like that ripple effect happens when we fight for ourselves first.

And I think it's very mature and noble to say, I don't want to do life with another person if I'm not at my best. You know, and there's, there's a saying, a quote, like, you know, you take care of yourself so that you give others your best, the best of you so that you're not giving people what's like the rest of you. So you're not giving people the leftovers. You're saying I'm good.

Marie P. Anderson (01:07:04.172)
that.

Mm -hmm.

Kim Rapach (01:07:08.016)
Do you wanna try this thing? Like, you know, whether it's a business partnership or like I said, an intimate partnership. Do you wanna try this? Cause I'm good. And I don't need you to validate me. And that was one thing I wanted to circle back to real quick is at the beginning you were talking about the, you know, that person, that teacher, whatever, who told you didn't have any talent. And.

Marie P. Anderson (01:07:29.998)
my home ec teacher, yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:07:31.374)
And you said, you know, I believed in her more than I believed in myself. And I think this is just a really good way to bring that back to, we want to be our best at our best, believe in ourselves, be unshakable, you know, and so that we're not dependent on exterior validation. It's, I'm good. You like what I got? Great. If not, it's okay. I'm good with that too.

Marie P. Anderson (01:07:57.354)
Exactly.

Kim Rapach (01:07:58.576)
this thing happened, I'm not in control of, okay, I'm solid. And it's a really great feeling. So one more question for you. We share a lot of passion around helping people who are suffering in silence, who've had experiences, who've experienced trauma, who are questioning their existence, if someone were to be listening right now.

Marie P. Anderson (01:08:03.884)
Yeah. Sure.

Kim Rapach (01:08:23.12)
And while we're not a replacement for mental health care, therapy or coaching, what would be one thing you would say to them if someone's listening and maybe struggling, what would you say?

Marie P. Anderson (01:08:37.58)
I get to answer that question a lot and my answer is pretty consistent and that is to try to stop and ask yourself, who can I call that I trust? And that when I was in the middle of my second suicide, that's what had happened. I was in my garage thinking I was going to kill myself with the exhaust of my brand new Mercedes. I would find out later that

best I would have done is give myself brain damage that with the emissions, it won't do it. But anyway, the point was I was in the middle of that, that despair. And I thought, I better call my sponsor and run this through her. And as soon as I called her, she started laughing. She said, Marie, come on, what are you doing? Open up the garage door. She walked me through it. She said, I'll see you in 20 minutes at a meeting. So I think what's most important is,

there's gotta be at least one person in our lives who is our safety net, that no matter what it is, no matter what time of day, you know that they're gonna be there for you. And if not, if there's those occasions that it's not gonna happen, as we know, there's all sorts of suicide hotlines that they can call, all sorts of free access, emergency access, resources.

When I was a teenager, we didn't have any shelters. When I was going through domestic violence as a teenager, trying to go through high school, there was no shelter for me to go to. I ended up homeless and living on food stamps, just to get away from the violence. There was no hotline. There was no nothing. I had to suffer through. Nowadays, with the internet and social media, there's all sorts of resources. So reach out and talk to somebody.

Because I think speaking the truth tends to like kind of take the air out of the tire, kind of relieve the stress.

Kim Rapach (01:10:36.784)
Yeah, and I'll be sure to put all the resources in the show notes. There's apps, there's an app called White Flag. Like there's, there's so many people who want to help people who are struggling because they've been there from mental health professionals to, you know, everyday people who just want to help. They're like, I've been there. You're not alone. Let me help.

And I had someone on the podcast, I don't think it's aired yet, but they're in recovery from substance abuse as well. And they said, the only part you have to do alone is to walk into the room. And so I think we could agree, like just make the call, just shoot the text. That's the only part you have to do alone. And then there's a community of people who want to help.

Marie P. Anderson (01:11:18.572)
Love that.

Marie P. Anderson (01:11:22.924)
Absolutely.

Kim Rapach (01:11:24.312)
Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being a warrior Yeah, me too. Thank you for being a warrior in a very challenging industry and creating a safe space for for people who have a gift and a passion and We'll put all that in the show notes to if people want to find you what would be the best way?

Marie P. Anderson (01:11:26.892)
Kim, it's my pleasure! I was looking forward to this!

Marie P. Anderson (01:11:46.508)
My Marie P. Anderson, they can follow me on my Marie P. Anderson official Instagram, but I can't follow them back because I'm at the max. You can only have 5 ,000. But if they follow me on my model coaching Instagram, which is boss babe models, yes, I can follow them back there. I think I've got a couple of thousand. I can still follow back.

Kim Rapach (01:12:13.232)
And you have a beautiful website too that tells all about you. I'll be sure to include that too. Thank you again for being here. I hope you have the most amazing day. All right, take care. Okay, I look forward to it. So if you want, I'm going to stop the recording.

Marie P. Anderson (01:12:15.212)
Thank you.

Marie P. Anderson (01:12:21.612)
Thank you. I'll see you on Instagram. Peace out, homie.