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The podcast focuses on fiercely empowering women in business, as entrepreneurs and women in male-dominated industries, featuring guests who embody strength, resilience, competence, and a touch of sass as they navigate business and life.
Looking for guests who are willing to bring a wealth of experience and knowledge but also possess the strength, resilience, and sass that align with the tone of my podcast.
I want their stories and insights to provide immense value to my audience, helping me to establish a powerful podcast as a must-listen for women looking to empower themselves in business. The goal is to build competence and discover how brave women can be in business.
Welcome to Superheroes in Heels, the podcast where powerful women rise, lead, and own the room. I'm Kimberley Borgens, your host, fellow trailblazer, and unapologetic advocate for women in the world of business. With over thirty years of experience building success in a male dominant industry, I'm here to empower you to do the same. Each week, you'll hear bold conversations with inspiring guests who embody strength, resilience, a little dash of sass, and a little bit of grace. Together, we'll challenge the status quo, break through barriers, unlock your confidence, and unleash your inner superhero.
Kimberley:You ready? Let's go.
Kimberley:Hello. Welcome to Superheroes in Heels, the podcast where women in business step into their power, create the their lives and career that they truly want. I'm your host Kimberley Borgans, and I fiercely empower women to believe that they are more capable than more valuable than they might believe themselves. Today, we're gonna tackle something, that I I think women have a challenge doing. And so I wanted to talk a little bit about some boundaries, but it kinda sits at the heart of both personal and professional goals.
Kimberley:Right? Mastering boundaries and setting boundaries in such a way that you have business success. But there's one particular boundary, you know, or or way to stop over people overstepping your boundary that I think a lot of women have a hard time saying. So I wanted to really talk about today the word no. No.
Kimberley:We say it to our children. No. You can't have that. No. You can't go to friend's house.
Kimberley:No. You can't do this. We'll say it to our kids. No. No.
Kimberley:No. No. No. But we don't necessarily say it the way that we should be saying that in our business and professional lives. And and here's one of the reasons why when you hear the word no, you know, think about for yourself, what is it what comes to mind first?
Kimberley:Like, what comes to mind when you when somebody tells you no. Right? For so many of us, especially women, you know, saying no feels uncomfortable. It can even feel a little, I don't know, rebellious. I know I I have that little gene in me every now and again.
Kimberley:But society has conditioned us women to be agreeable, to be accommodating, endlessly available for whatever it is that they want. Women have a hard time delegating. Men, they will delegate and put it on a woman. And she will go, okay. But often, it's done at the expense of her time, her energy, her goals, her vision, you know, what it is that she truly wants to create for herself in her business, in her job, in her family life.
Kimberley:And I just wanna share a little secret with you. Alright. You ready for this? Saying no, it's not an act of defiance. It is not an act of defiance.
Kimberley:In fact, when you say no, it's a powerful assertion. Right? It it you're asserting that your time value and your life is a strategic priority. And when we reframe that no as a conscious business tool, like, use no as if it is a tool that you have in your toolbox as a business owner, as an employee, as a parent, as you know, we'll like I said, we'll use it as a parent, but let's look at how can we use that for our financial gain, how we can use it for our business growth, how we can use that in relationships, with, men and women in the spaces of business. When you say no, when you can say no at a level out of respect and out of honor of your goals, your values, your, vision of what you wanna create, it really does unlock new levels of growth and respect.
Kimberley:I promise. If you practice this, you'll you'll see that a whole new level of respect comes for you. But think about it as why do we struggle with boundaries to begin with? Okay. Women in the workplace were often praised for being helpful, for being selfless, being collaborative.
Kimberley:These are qualities that are beautiful and they can quickly morph into something that pressures you to say yes for every request, every project that comes up. Right? Every opportunity when our plates are already over full, people pleasing behavior by saying yes even when you don't want to doesn't just lead to burnout. It can diminish how others actually value you and your time and your contributions. And that's not what we want to have happen.
Kimberley:We really don't. I had a mentor who used to say all the time, look, if your plate is getting full, get a bigger plate. And I have to admit, I even bought into that mindset for a little while. Right? Like, he would say this all the time and I would go like, I keep getting these bigger plates.
Kimberley:Right? But ladies, we both know that we already have the biggest and fullest plate to begin with. We've already put so much responsibility on ourselves. We've already put so much actions that we need to do on our plates. And in reality, what we really need to do is to shift that.
Kimberley:We need to stop thinking about how much more and more and more and more and get a bigger plate that we can do. What we really need to do is say, hey, how can we make our plate a little bit smaller? How can we focus on it? I mean, think about it. Have you ever found yourself working late?
Kimberley:Right? Picking up the slack of something that wasn't even yours to pick up or agreeing to extra responsibilities because you didn't wanna seem difficult or, you know, helpful. Think about it for a second. Has that ever happened to you? I know it's happened to me because I know we're not alone in it.
Kimberley:Some of you women are going, oh, yeah. That's me. I get it because I know. I've talked to clients. I've talked to friends.
Kimberley:Like, we have just made it kind of like put on our shoulders that it's up to us to pick up slack when somebody isn't doing it. It's up to us to do all the extra responsibilities including around our household. We pick up after the kids and we pick up after our spouses and we do the laundry for everybody and we do the dishes for everybody and we make food for everybody. It's a given naturally for us. Right?
Kimberley:And I'm not saying stop doing everything, all of those things. What I am saying is pay attention to it. Because when you can get others to help you, when you can get others to take on their own responsibilities, when you can get others to share in the chores of life, right, what happens is is people start to honor you. They start to respect you because you're bringing them in. It's not just you.
Kimberley:I know plenty of women who martyr themselves all the time. What do you mean? I do this and I do that and I do this and I do that and okay. We all do. If you don't stop and say, I need help with this.
Kimberley:I can't commit to that right now. I really can't take something else on. If we're not willing to stop the perpetual hamster wheel of doing everything and saying I need a little help or I can't take on your responsibility, then then that's on us. That's when people go, yeah. Just give it to her.
Kimberley:It's okay. She'll take care of it. Yeah. Just put it on her desk. Yeah.
Kimberley:She'll take care of it if I leave my socks in the room. Right? I'm like, hey. Whose socks are these? Well, if they don't get picked up, I guess they're going in the trash.
Kimberley:Right? So think about for you. We like I said, we need the smaller plates. We need we need a smaller space where we can focus on the goals, the actions, and honor our time with our visions. As women, we need to learn to say no because it's important for you to say no for the right things.
Kimberley:We're consistently putting others needs before our own. And when we do that, there's two things that really happen. The first thing that happens is burnout. Okay? We've all experienced some level of burnout.
Kimberley:We have no energy. Our creativity falls in the tank. Right? Our passion gets depleted. We we just wanna hide.
Kimberley:We get a little attitude maybe. We get all snippy. Right? My husband says you're a little prickly today. All of that leaves us on empty.
Kimberley:Right? And then the second reason is because when we're constantly putting other people's needs before our own, we're unintentionally teaching our colleagues, our the leaders around us, even our family that our time isn't as valuable. And we're always available, right, for anything that they want. But I don't know about you. I can be available for the important things, but I've had to learn to say no and not be available for the things that don't honor my goals, my vision, my mission, my values.
Kimberley:And the good news is boundaries are like muscles. You know? The more you work out, the more muscles you gain. Right? So your boundary saying no, the more you do it in a loving, respectful, and honoring way, right, allows you to build that muscle so that you can do it faster, that you don't have to think about it, but it just moves into that motion of moving forward in your business, in your life.
Kimberley:Can you imagine the things that if you said, no, I don't think I can do that this week. Right? What it would free up for you? What level of creativity you could get back in your business? What level of focus you can have with your clients.
Kimberley:I mean, think about that for a moment. So how can you start scripting a no for yourself? You know, having language that that really makes it so much easier to set boundaries with confidence, you know, and know that you're capable of saying no in a loving and respectful and honoring manner. Think about, you know, think about it for a moment. What kind of phrase could you use?
Kimberley:Well, here, I've gotten three that I've put together for you so that it could help you. So you might wanna write these down, grab a little note, put your bring out your notes on your cell phone and maybe write these down if no is a challenge for you because I really want you to be able to the next time something falls outside of your responsibilities, you can respond to it. Next time somebody wants to dump something on your plate that you don't really have room for that you can respond to respectfully. And then other times when you could say, you know what? Today, I just need to honor me.
Kimberley:So these are, you know, I got three phrases for you that could help you and let's see if those can work for you. So the first phrase that I would say is, you know, I appreciate you thinking of me for this, but I'm currently focused on my work with put whatever project you're in there with. Right? I'm I'm focused on my work with project x. Let's discuss a timeline when I have that completed.
Kimberley:Right? So I appreciate you thinking of me for this, but I'm currently focused on my work with project x. Let's discuss a timeline when I have that complete. There's your first one. It's easy.
Kimberley:It's respectful. It's letting them know, thank you for thinking of me, and I I need to stay focused on what I'm working on. And down the future, maybe we can discuss something then. So that's number one. Number two, thank you for considering me, but I won't be able to take this on at the moment due to other priorities.
Kimberley:You can just say no. Sorry. Can't do it. Or you can say thank you so much for considering me, but I won't be able to take this on at the moment due to other priorities. Oh, really?
Kimberley:What do you got going? Oh, you know, I've made some commitment with my family, with my friends, I made my commitment with my boss, you know, I have this project that needs to get done. I mean, you could go into a story but you don't have to. Please stop. Thank you for considering me for this, but I won't be able to take it on at this time due to other projects.
Kimberley:Quick and simple and easy. And number three, that sounds like a valuable project or event or opportunity, but my schedule is at capacity right now. I'm happy to revisit this once my current commitments are wrapped up. You can give them a a date when you want to, maybe talk with them in the future. Right?
Kimberley:Check with me in about ninety days. Right? By then, maybe they've already found somebody else to handle it. They've gotten it handled, and it moves on to something completely different. And maybe what they come back within ninety days is something you actually have room for now because you've completed some things and it's something that you might be passionate about.
Kimberley:You don't wanna close the door on people. So let me repeat number three again. That sounds like a valuable project, event, or opportunity, but my schedule is at capacity right now, and I'm happy to revisit this once my current commitments are wrapped up. Very quick, very simple, very concise. Now these are just my words.
Kimberley:You can create something that fits right into your words, your languaging, whatever works for you. No, bro. That ain't happening today. I don't care. You know?
Kimberley:Just get in there. But remember that saying no with kindness and clarity is a sign of professionalism. It's not selfishness, but you have to keep it professional. Right? So with your kids, with your family, you could say, hey, I'm sorry.
Kimberley:I'm I'm committed to some other fun things with my kids. Whatever. Right? You you can say no and no is a complete sentence. I wanna also say that.
Kimberley:Say, no. I'm that's not gonna work for me this week. Somebody asks you something? No. Thank you.
Kimberley:Done. No is a complete sentence, but I wanted to give you a few sentence stems in essence that you could, like, fill in the blank, add your own value to it, add your own spin on it, and and make it work for you. So listen. The idea of saying no, if that feels daunting to you still, just start small. Alright?
Kimberley:Practice your no with those low risk kind of low stake requests, like declining a meeting that, you know, it isn't relevant for your role or it's not or passing on a task that somebody's asked if you could do out of convenience rather than a necessity. And each time that you do that, you build your confidence muscle. And you build your confidence in this for the moments that matter the most down the line. There's gonna be times when it's gonna be hard to say yes to something, and sometimes it's gonna be really hard to say no to something. But don't forget that each and every time that you do it, you're building the confidence.
Kimberley:And when the time comes, you're gonna be ready. How exciting is that? And let's not forget that setting boundaries, it doesn't mean that you never help other people. It just means that you help intentionally. Knowing that what you're helping with aligns with your goals, it aligns with your vision, it aligns with your well-being, it aligns with their values, It aligns with who you are and what you are meant to do in this world.
Kimberley:Boundaries aren't there to keep everybody out. Boundaries are there to keep you focused on what it is that you're meant to be doing. You know, what your purpose is, what your soul cries for. And if you're so full of other people's stuff and you're not setting the boundaries, you do a huge disservice to yourself. So I have a superhero challenge for you this week.
Kimberley:Next time that you're asked to take on something that doesn't fit your priorities, right, your goals, your vision, your mission, your values, right, use one of today's templates, one of the the little stanzas that I gave you to respond to somebody. Notice how it feels for you. Pay attention to how others respond to it. So it's kind of a twofold. Use one of the ways that I've helped you today or your version of it.
Kimberley:Right? To say no if something doesn't fit into your priorities. Right? And then check-in with yourself. How did that feel for me?
Kimberley:How what did how did they react? Because that starts to drop clues. So pay attention to those. And then share your experience with me. Share it on social media.
Kimberley:I have a Facebook page also called superheroes in heels. I think actually, I think it's a group, Facebook group, superheroes in heels. So come and find me there and and share your experience or use the hashtag in in, social for superheroes in heels. And I will look that up and see if there's any questions or how you feel, what you did that you, you know, put in a superhero challenge of the week. Right?
Kimberley:Hey, here's what I did. I would love to hear. Give us a voice message, whatever. Let me know that you're out there and that somebody is actually listening to my podcast. I know they are because I'm watching the statistics, but, you know, share that with me.
Kimberley:Look. Your story might inspire somebody else down the line to put their cape on and use the powerful boundaries as well. So hang in there. Take a deep breath. Learn to say no to the things that are not serving you because setting those boundaries isn't an act of of selfishness, and it's not a one time act.
Kimberley:It's a journey. It's a journey that you get on to say what is most important for me. And each time that you assert your priorities, you're not just protecting your time, but you're modeling self respect and strategic leadership for every woman who's out there watching also. Thank you so much for tuning in to Superheroes in Heels. And if you've enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, share with a friend, somebody who might need a little extra encouragement this week.
Kimberley:And until next time, keep wearing those heels and never be afraid to stand your ground.
Outro:Thanks for tuning in to Superheroes in Heels with Kimberley Borgens. If you're walking away feeling a little braver, a little bolder, and a whole lot more powerful, mission accomplished. Be sure to subscribe to the show and leave a review. It helps us to reach more women who are ready to unleash their power and lead with confidence. And if you do leave a review, you might just hear your name in an upcoming episode.
Outro:If today's conversation lit a fire in you, share it with your network and join us inside the hive society at Kimberleyborgens.com, where powerful women gather to break barriers and rise together. Until next time, keep showing up, standing strong, and heels or not, keep embracing your inner superhero.