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Open Wounds. The NSFW podcast where we explore trauma of every shape and form. Join us as we hear from everyday people about their lives and learn from each other to move from surviving to thriving.
Candice (00:00)
Alright. Okay. Hello everyone and welcome to open wounds podcast. Today I have a guest with me.
Yuki, Yuki, is it Yuki Yuki? that how you like it? Yuki, Yuki, Yuki. Okay. Yeah, just call me Bee. Bee, yes, that's how I know you is Bee. I met Bee at the Vipassana meditation sit on Oahu that I just did and that I talked about on the podcast. And so I wanted to have you on to talk about why you love Vipassana so much that you've gone nine times. Yes, well, thank you.
Really appreciate you having me on. So am I supposed to look here or there? can look wherever you want. Okay, so I'm going to kind look here a little bit and then I'll be talking to you as well. So yes, as you said, I'm Yaku Yaku Baker. I'm retired Army veteran and what led me to Meposna was my own suffering. I was diagnosed with cancer at 38. I had an ovarian cyst and
forced into a full hysterectomy and that really was my wake-up call.
that there were some things that were going in my life that just really needed to change. And especially getting so close to retirement, I was going through a lot of transition. And that was one of the things that really pushed me to start healing. one of my coworkers thanked her because she was the one that just casually mentioned it. And then of course, my scroll mine started digging into it.
I'm looking for something and I'm always learning and trying to learn as much as I can. I found the Pascha and once the seeds of Dharma are planted, it's just hard not to go back. So yeah, that was the start of my healing journey as well. Wow. Yeah, I think...
Because to me, you were there. You told me I had basically a mental breakdown with the pain. And I was crying, and she was very comforting. And so I was like, yes, obviously.
Compared to boot camp, the Pasadena is probably like a cakewalk, right? Yeah, okay, so we're gonna compare. had such experiences where I could see for you to be like, this is nothing. I've been through so much shit that sitting here and having to deal with whatever my mind.
saying and my body is saying I can deal with it right like you were you had the capacity in the bandwidth to carry that load. Send me back to boot camp. heck no. Like the first sit I was like I want out like get me out of here I want to run away and
But when I commit to something, was like, what did you come here for? What was the point of you even starting this journey? We need you in this fight. And so for me,
I'd go back to bootcamp and do it all over again compared to like, know, and that's for a lot of people, like how hard it is to sit and face yourself. When you put it like you sit and you put a mirror in front of yourself and there's nothing but you that Matt in your breath, there's nowhere to hide. that is
Probably the most terrifying thing that you can do as a human being is really face yourself all of it the totality of every experience that you've had in in in that moment of like this is it right now is the only thing that matters so Yeah, yeah, but possibly gives you that space. Yeah, it's funny because When I came back my son's teacher was like, what did you do?
What
meditation did you go to?" And I was like, and she said, was it Vipassana? And I was like, yes. And she's like, my God. She's like, I can't believe you did that. And then she goes, I had this friend who was in prison and he came out and he reformed himself and he went to a Vipassana retreat and he said that it was worse than prison. And I was like.
my god. It's a self-imposed prison. you violent, like the military is violent. Yeah. Okay, so you heard this saying go to war, go to jail. Yeah. Okay, you're self-imposing yourself in.
prison for 10 days. Like you're putting yourself on lockdown. have no phones. There's no device. Like there's no outside contact with the world. So essentially like all of your meals are being provided for you. All of your accommodations are taken care of. You have no words other than listening for the gong and moving along and going to meditate. And essentially you've locked yourself in for 10 days to commit to whatever it is
you
need to heal or work through. Yeah. Yeah. I think like for me, I really did like the solitude and I liked the quiet. Like I was craving that reprieve from like the chaos of the world. And I really did like being able to sit and be with my thoughts. Like I enjoyed that part of it. Like, I think too, if I had brought, and I said this in the other episode that I did, if I had brought a backjack and I brought a stool and brought like 400 cushions,
I probably could have like prevented my back from doing whatever my back did. But, yeah, so it's definitely physical. I think the other thing too, that got me was it's, you know, it is really, really hard work that you're doing to make yourself sit and follow your breath and follow your breath or scan your body and scan your body because your brain wants to run off and you know, he takes, he tells jokes about that.
Yeah, and the monkey mind but I think the other thing too like you said is like if especially if you're really I don't want to say addicted but it's kind of like on your phone all the time and taking calls and going to meetings and in the car like it is it is really difficult and uncomfortable to just stop and downshift and be like you just sit and you be I remember
There was a girl in the grass and she was like building little things out of the twigs that had fallen out of the trees because I feel like that's just our nature as humans to like do, do, do, do, do something all the time. Yeah. And that's interesting that we kind of segued into this is that's how I came up with my name. Just Call Me Bee is because so much time we spend is doing. you know, also like there's a lot of
There's a lot of history around my name, my birth name that is very sacred and honorable to me and my ancestors and all the things. so like my, my experience has been not everyone carries the same regard. So I make it very simple and say, just call me B. It'll also remind people just be, just be better, be a better human. One of my slogans, be better. And.
So much time to spend just doing doing doing doing doing the pasta now forces you it's you must
account for all of the things if you are serious about your liberation about your healing and really, really truly finding happiness. That is the work. Yeah, you know, and it's not in the physical I think the one of the biggest disservices that was ever done to humanity.
was when they came up with the saying is the truth is out there. The truth is not out there. The truth lies within. It's inside of you. It's inside. And the work is to dig it up and dig it out. And Vipassana, I feel like, you know,
when you did compare it to bootcamp or the lessons that I learned from my military experience, that's why I think it drew me in because of the regimen, because of the discipline, because of the necessity to come on soldier, know, lead by example, do the work of finding the happiness that you've been seeking. So. Yeah. So you.
retired from the military, you were in the army? Yes, I was in the army for 22 years. 21 years, 11 months and 19 days. we know our times. If you're a veteran out there, when you get that piece of paper, you remember it. know. Yeah. So 22 years and it's been...
Coming up on a decade since I was released. Well, yeah, I mean, that's something too I wanted to talk to you about is like the veterans issues that we see happening in our communities and in our nation is like because of what
is inherent in going to war and being detached from your community and your family. like, our brains are not meant to process taking lives and all these things that you experience. Like, I feel like veterans, I'm going to try not to like get on my soapbox and get mad, but like the government spends billions of dollars on war. And then the veterans get like the scraps, like we're not taking care of our veterans and they have like the things that we've put on them when they've gone into
into
these scenarios, it's not fair and we've kind of just like left them high and dry. And I know that you have a passion for helping veterans as well. So I don't know you want to talk about like your work with veterans or, know. Well, that's, gosh, like I can feel like that passion that you have and it is really close to my heart. The work that I'm working to do, like I'm, it's just.
Everything is a process, you know, and it's really easy to be angry and be frustrated and just sit there and not do anything. But the work of it is planting seeds. So the work I do really just involves planting seeds of hope, planting seeds of like faith, faith over fear. Like I wear my work. I am my work. I be who I
envision what the world would look like if they took and spent the time to actually do this work, right? So like when I think about like the veterans and the homelessness, the suicide is probably highest on my radar in terms of like my personal experience of
pretty much just pulling myself out of the mud and going down to just rock bottom and just taking my house down to the studs and really just rebuilding from just the foundation. And the base is literally base, breath, awareness, sensation, equanimity. It's the base.
So I've built every single thing that I've done up until this point on that principle. Now the job we have and what we're doing here is spreading that, spreading that seed of awareness, spreading the seed of hope. And yes, the problems are always going to be there. It's always going to be an imperfect world. We need that darkness to kind of balance it out. But that's where we come in. We do the light, we be the light.
We become the light after like sitting in the darkness. So now instead of just saying, Hey, I can help you. Now I can say, I can help you. Yeah. It's an embodiment of Because now I have come up and through all of that and Vipassana, you sit in your shit. You sit in shit. That's why it hurts. It's painful because like for years and years and years you've been dredging this stuff around.
Your crap sack is full. You go to Vipassana to empty your crap sack and to be nourished by the people that are in the same. We're all doing the same thing. We're all here for the same reason. You'd be a hypocrite to say that you have nothing. Why are you here then? What are you seeking after? If you're not here to work, you're here to play. And serious workers, they come to do the serious work.
And you came and you planted that seed of Dhamma within you. And now you're doing the work. This is the work. So you just took your experience and everything and you said, now I'm to run with that.
Now my anger, my righteous anger, now I'm going to be part of the solution. So bravo to you and thank you. Again, me being here and us even having this conversation, it all started as a result of your pain. Yeah, that's true. And I think that the Papasana talks about the craving and the aversion and being able to basically...
become
you know, a neutral observer of both of them, right? So that you're not constantly bouncing between like running from your problems or like, you know, numbing out your problems. And I think the other part of it too, like you said, it's like facing the darkness within us and like that shadow work, because at least for me, it, when I was running from it and avoiding those parts of myself, that was way scarier than when I actually sat down and I looked at it.
I'm like, I'm not.
this, I'm not these things that I thought I was. That was somebody else telling me and putting that on me society or whatever, right? And telling me that you're this, you're that. But once I really was able to face the fear of what horribleness I could be, I realized, there's nothing here. Like it's just like the monster under the bed. Like you look and it's just a pile of clothes, right? Exactly. Yeah. So I think that's the, that's the stepping through the fear to kind of sit with it and you know,
We not just veterans, but everybody has that as an experience of life where it's like, you know, we're afraid of parts of ourselves because we haven't looked at them and acknowledged them and integrated them. so, I know that Vipassana is like a tool that you can use through the meditation practice of just like processing and processing and processing all the layers that come through. And you said the word like you like, you know, keyword monster, right? So often like we.
villainize ourselves or the monsters that we've had in our lives. If you really peel everything all the way back, it's just child. It's just like, you know, even meeting you, like as I was acting as course manager for the course and I had to like literally within myself say, have a group of four year olds. Yeah. Like my four year old self and all of these 50 four year
women they they are all here to figure it out yeah how do I show up for them do I show up as the monster that used to show up for me that all of us are really accustomed to that we became within ourselves yeah or do we show up as the goddess within us the god within us the higher beingness of us yeah so
So
yeah, at the end of the day, we see that that monster is just a pile of clothes. But all the time, we've been running from it. We've been hiding. We've been giving it eyeballs, little red eyeballs. We've it a story. We've been giving it a life of its own. And it's taking on its own shape. And then you turn around and look, and it's your own reflection. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And you've been hiding from it. Yeah.
I think that's true. Like you, the compassion to hold for people as they're going through this process and understanding like a lot of these maladaptive coping mechanisms that we see people have are because it's a wounded inner child aspect, right? You know, so I was talking to a friend about like how funny it is when language is taken away during the Vipassana course to see the behaviors that come out and the stories that we tell.
Yeah,
I was like, that person's name is this. I give everybody like funny little names. Yours was easy because you told us at the beginning B and you had a little bumblebee on your shirt. So that stuck with me. But yeah, it's funny to see like, you know, I think to the stress of the Vipassana causes you to regress, you know, at least for me, I felt like, okay, this is really pulling me back and kind of breaking me back down to where I was before.
the childhood stuff will come up because you're like, you know, pressure, is it regression or is it something else? Is it growth? Yeah. We think it's regression. little parts of us want us to say, we're regressing. No, no, this is the best part of it. Like when all that crap comes up, that's the best part. Like all of these years and all this time you've been hiding it from yourself. Now finally you're lifting up your skirt. You're saying, look,
This is all the stuff we've been kind of like stuffing and shoving down. So when you're feeling like I'm regressing, I'm going backwards, that's the protective part of you saying, don't go forward. We don't want you to see everything in the closet. That is what that is. That's where the pain comes in. That's where the stories show up. That's where like all of the ickiness of who we be.
comes to the surface and just, you know, how you see like the floaters is kind of like on this, like that's us. Like we've got like all this poo around us and we're like, I don't like it. The stench is, I don't like the scent. And so our kid parts are like, yeah, I've been trying to tell you this whole time and you weren't listening. And so in Vipassana, you uncover all of it.
and it feels horrible. Yeah. Like, you know, ever had a cold, you feel really, really bad. And then all of a sudden, your breaks, you're off and going, you're like, okay, I had to just get through that part, achiness. Yeah, and pull it all up and out. And when you feel the regression, that is when you say, Hallelujah.
Hallelujah, my child parts, can hear them now. I hear you. Now it's not a matter of feeling around in the dark. Now there's a voice that now you're like,
Which ties into internal family systems, which I've talked a little bit about before on the podcast, is like the parts work. And it kind of is, you know, connected to the shadow work is when you start looking inside and you're forced to sit with these things, you know, we may feel like compartmentalized or like almost like fractal. don't know.
as I'm looking for. But it's basically like those parts of ourselves that were wounded in that space and time and become frozen, right? So if you were, if something, you know, tragic, like let's say your parent died when you were seven or, you know, this, had to move and leave all your friends and family when you were four, like those little frozen parts of ourselves remain in there kind of like.
causing a ruckus and we just don't realize that they haven't had the nurturing and the integration that they need and helping them. So do you want to talk a little bit, because I know you know a lot about internal family systems. so we're taking it all the way again. So again,
Just to be clear, I am not a licensed therapist or a clinical psychologist or any of those things. So if you are in a place where you need help and you're feeling...
that life may not be worth living and all of your parts are screaming at you, like please do seek professional help. But in terms of internal family system, my knowledge, my experience, I will tell you, have those parts when you have an experience that's too much, too fast, too soon, it's a very definition of trauma, like a car accident, any kind of overwhelm to the nervous system that causes
you to go into a fight, flight, freeze or fawn pattern. So those are all coping mechanisms. And so once you get into that state, like you were talking about that part kind of breaks off and it actually becomes like its own identity, own, it's every experience you have kind of feeds back and is drawn upon that one experience. So you have different parts that are doing the managing, you have different parts that are doing like the protecting.
Then you have those wounded parts that just are being protected. Those are the ones that hold the key to your liberation. So all these fighters and managers are, they're doing their parts, like the ones that show up for you and they're putting on your best face and they're all what society expects you.
But that wounded child is really sitting there like, my God, I just want someone to hear me. And so when you're getting into Vipassana and like healing modalities where you're now, now the managers and the protectors, now they are either like, all right, fine, we give up, we don't wanna fight anymore. You can have that. And then they give you access to that wounded part. Now the wounded.
Child is like, I have a voice. I'm going to let myself be known. And so that comes up when you get a chance to actually sit with yourself. And in that space, the energy around you and the fact that everyone is doing that same kind of work, it gives you permission in that moment to say,
you're safe now. That experience, was awful. Which I think is a good point for Vipassana because it is 10 days of you just sitting and doing this. So you don't have to like with EMDR or with therapy.
You may go to the session and then you may have to go back to work or you have to go home and take care of your kids or you got to go to the grocery store. So there's not a lot of time to integrate and process and kind of work through all the stuff that can come up from these things. So like when I did internal family systems work before the very first couple of sessions we were doing, my therapist was trying to get at one of the, the wounded inner child parts and my protector or firefighter, whatever you want to call them.
was blocking and so we asked the protector parts, what do you want to happen with this inner child? And they're like, we want to kill it. We want to kill that part. And my therapist was like, no, no, no, we don't kill any other parts. And so it's very much like, it's very heavy and it's very hard and it takes time to be able to sit and go in and do the work and then come back out and kind of metabolize it and then like process it again, know, which is like your
So therapy, that's exactly what you're Therapy, open it up, close it. Open therapy, open it up, close it. That's what you're doing with therapy. You're talking about it, you're ruminating over it, you're having like all the pontifications about it and there's no solution that's happening. Vipassana, you breathe, you look at it.
You have the awareness of it. You feel the sensation. You have equanimity. It goes away. Now not say like it doesn't go away from memory. You can still recall it. But when you think about the time where you were standing up in front of the class and you pass gas and you were so embarrassed, you were mortified. That was the third grade. But every time you go to give a speech, you go back and I'm in third grade again. So now the pasta.
that thought comes up, you see it and sometimes you even have a little joke about it like, my god, I can't believe you're here this whole time. Yeah. Like you were here this whole time. Yeah. And you just needed me to hear you. finally, I've given you everything that you need. in that moment. Yeah, everybody should just laugh that off. But I didn't know.
Yeah, I didn't know like how to respond then. So once you uncovered that part, and you like can now look at it with balance, the equanimous mind, you know, you're able to just see it as something that happened as an event and it passes on. And then anytime you're in that experience again, if that feeling shows up, like, I recognize it. remember that sensation.
And now it's not like, now it's like, or it's even like, hmm, yeah, I can just look at it. It's not a significant emotional event. when it first happened.
it was a significant emotional event. You're mortified. you like, let's say like you peed your pants. okay, like I peed my pants when I was like maybe in second grade. And so like that would follow you like, she's a smelly pee girl. Right. Or they might bully you and all the things. And so like now you always count on that experience to happen. even for me, I'm 48 years old now. don't look at it.
And not you, But even my little girl, day 10 is very, very jarring for her because she's like, no one's going to want to talk to me. No one's going to pick me. I'm a smelly pee girl. So the smelly pee girl comes back. in my case, I was just a little poor girl that grew up around a lot of influential people and people with money. So, I'm a little poor girl and no one's going to like me. No one's going to pick me.
soothing
that part.
just talk to one person. Yeah. Just pick one person to talk to and then you'll be fine. And that is the challenge that kind of gets alleviated through the work that we do with Vipassana. Cause now that there's that listening witness, now that witness can take that part and say, okay. See, that was just back then. right now we're in a dip. We're adults now. Right now we're big. We're like, we
face this and it's not a big and scary thing. Now it's just part of who we are, who we be. Well and the other thing you talked to me about when we were at the Vipassana thing is we got a little bit into like EMDR because she was debriefing me and we just started connecting on all these things and so I said you know I liked EMDR I said but it was again you open the box you stir it up and then you shut it
and you leave and with EMDR because you've got the bilateral, you've got the light and you're thinking about the memory, you bring it up, it does neutralize it, but there's no...
in traditional EMDR, at least my experience, there's no resolution. There's no happy ending, which I think we crave, especially as the inner child parts of us wants it to be a happy ending. So you were telling me you've created this model of the rescue. Is it rescue mission? Yeah, it's called rescue Yeah. So if you want to talk about that, that would okay. So, so, jeez. I'm...
been healing for like the last 10 years and like Vipassana is just like the highest on my list of things in terms of planting the seeds of dharma.
But the work that I do involves what I like to call rescue missions. And it really is the reparenting tool that I use for all of my child parts. So let's just go back to the little poor girl in school. So let's just say that was me. And like, there was an instance where we had a school trip and I didn't have enough money. so like asking for the money is hard, getting the money is even
harder. So in the instance of the rescue mission internally, so this is all, this is all use your imagination people. this is like you have to have, if you're not a visual person, that's fine. It's just, you just have to be able to imagine a different scenario for your part. So like in my case, so I would in that instance, so I recall the memory.
and whatever it was that was the painful memory, I would...
re-imagine it where let's say big me would show up and all of a sudden, there's an angel donor that somehow got a scholarship. then, you know, little me would get the scholarship because I would show up as me. Little me would get the scholarship and they'd be able to go on the trip and by the way, all of your colleges taking care for the rest of your life. And so little me now has a different
experience, whereas she was just frozen in that moment of, I don't have, I'm in lack, things are not well. And then the rescuer or whatever I imagined it to be would just show up and provide that, whatever that solution is. And this is for.
any situation. let's say you have a child that's being abused and you know like remember on Forest Gump she said she wants to go somewhere and go fly fly far far away and she becomes a little bird so like in this scenario like you become a bird and you just magically just sprout wings and you just fly off so basically the rescue mission is re relearning and giving that
child part that's exiled, a new experience. in your waking moments, that energy that was like this before, now when you hit that memory, it's now like, it's either neutral or I have wings. like that thing, yes, scary, horrible, challenging, it happened, but it is no longer this. It's no longer activating you.
is no longer the trigger that causes all of the now moments to be impacted. that's also part of the re-parenting aspect. it's just for me, because the fact I'm military, I just have to call it rescue mission. It's a mission. So we're going on these missions in our mind. And it also gives the human psyche
a rather than a problem. So now it's a mission. So it's not like you're going in.
thinking dreadfully, you're thinking of, we're going in and we're coming up with resolving a problem. So whatever that problem was, whatever that stuckness is now has a resolution. So you wrapped it up in a nice deep little bow. So whenever you re-re-imagine that event, it's no longer like keeping you stuck. Cause that is...
essentially was keeping a lot of us as adult beings stuck because we're tethered by these events. Like all of these events. just like, just imagine your life on this timeline. All these significant events are just happening, popping, popping, popping. it's just keeping you. you're just like, yeah, like, you know, like you see those just married. Yeah. It's like, just imagine like all your crap.
Like all these experiences, clicker, clicker, clicker, click. Now what you're doing is you're just individually, you're just cutting those cords. Now, and instead of them just being like cosmic trash, now they're actually.
Transmuted into a experience that is resourceful. Yeah, and it's useful Yeah, I think that's so important because especially when we're talking about healing complex trauma or other types of trauma It's like you you need to feel like you will number one. We're reprogramming the neural pathway So the next time that neural pathway is activated like you said it's not gonna fire a fear or an anxiety or some kind of body response Because we got our wings
or
the big, you know, the mother figure came in and gave us a scholarship or whatever it was, how we ever each individually choose to resolve it in our imagination. But then it doesn't become this thing that, like you said, is dragging behind us and constantly reactivating and constantly, because if...
If you can do the work of sitting and being like, hmm, when I was in that meeting and my boss looked at me with that funny look, I felt something inside of me. What the fuck was that? Why did I feel that? Why did I?
get nauseous or like you can get all these body reactions. So if you can sit there and kind of go, that reminded me of the time when I was 12 and this and this and this happened. like if you can put the puzzle pieces together, it's worth it. takes time, but that's where that is. Yeah. It's the base breath awareness, equity. If anything comes out of this conversation, I want
our viewers, listeners, or anyone that is interacting with this to remember the base is breath, awareness, the sensation of it, and then being equanimous. All of those four components is part of the healing. Like you remember, I'm feeling really fucking like this, but you're
aware that this is the sensation. And then the equanimity comes in, it creates the balance. Like, yeah, I know he's a jerk, but whatever. It just reframes the whole experience. So now instead of your 12 year old part popping up to the surface and driving the damn bus, you're still in control. you, and
You see your 12 year old, you allow her to say, have a voice, kick and scream, do her business. And you say, and that's right. And then she's like.
Okay, feel better now. And then she's off and on her way. But you've acknowledged her. You've given her space to say, I'm here. Hear me roar.
Yeah. Okay. What I was saying was I'm feeling very triggered right now.
what he's doing is making me feel this kind of, so that's what that sensation is. Okay, now you retraining your neurological pathways. When that scenario shows up, the sensation happens. I don't need to go off with my hair on fire. Now I could just, okay, what four year old part needs to be attended to now?
because his 12 year old showed up and got your 12 year old active. So now they want to go in the parking lot and I'm going to beat you up after school. I think that's such a good point is recognizing when other people in your life, it takes a lot of like calm, grounded, centeredness to be like that lady flipped me off in traffic or that guy cut in line or that person.
did this, it's their own inner child acting a fool. they're, yeah. that scenario, if you can help compassion and empathy, I'm not saying you need to be a doormat, but to be like, this isn't even about me that I, you know, did something to them to make them flip me off or whatever. This is about their own inner child becoming activated, taking the wheel and driving them off course. You know?
Yes, think about it, right? When you think about like a bus, like the drivers has these stops and along the way they pick up different riders. So as you go along your way and you're driving down and you pull over and you pick up, you know, little Candace over here, Hey Candace, nice to meet you. And then I'm off on my way and then I meet another partner and I pick them up. But Candace back here, Candace is in pain. Candace like.
her 12 year old part is showing up and she's acting and as I can't keep going. So I got to give Candace a little, okay, Candace, what do you need? Candace gets what she needs. We are off on our way. So this is the same with every single energy that you interact with, because we're all energy, right? We're all frequency, we're all light, we're all here to have this human experience.
A lot of the times like we're conditioned and we're programmed and we're raised into these roles, if you will. And our parts have like a little bit of like crisscrossing the wiring, you know? So what the work that we do in terms of healing is uncrossing those wires and untying those knots and giving that space one to breathe, but two to process.
to integrate and to become whole again. Like our whole, our whole, the whole point of us being here is just to learn whatever that lesson is. What did that 12 year old need to learn in that moment? From that experience, we've all made contracts to have an experience. Like you and I, in some form of the ethers said, hey,
When you come down and you're in a whole lot of pain during Vipassana, I'm gonna be there and I'm gonna help you out and I'm gonna show you that there's another way how to do things. And you advocating for yourself and speaking up and saying, this shit hurts, not a mosque for me. And saying, I'm not quitting. I am actually winning by holding myself accountable and saying, my parts have had enough. This is where I need to be.
And this is where I get off. this is where I make my exit. Right. So all of us are just here kind of like just sort and do things. And it just depends what parts you allow to show up. Yeah. And when they do show up, how are you receiving them within yourself? Like it was really interesting before. I don't know if you want me to share. no, that's a whole bitchy thing. Yeah. You share with me earlier.
how you're talking about why am I keeping encountering people that are bitchy and sippy or whatever and you know, mention like, how are you treating yourself? Every individual that you encounter is a reflection of how you're treating yourself. Like you showed up into my world to show me I need to rest. I need to give myself a break. I need to stop beating myself with a hammer and stabbing my, like I.
need to say, like you gave me that. Like that was like your every single person, like there's a lock and there's a key. I've got things that are going to unlock and activate parts of you. You've got keys that are going to activate and unlock parts of me. And that's what every single individual here on the planet, we're all unlocking each other so we can get out of the prison.
called this meat suit. Like this is the prison. yeah. This is the prison, but it's also a sacred space. Yeah. It depends how you want to look at it. Yeah. How do you want it to be? Do you want this vessel to be your prison or do you want it to be your vehicle? Yeah. It's all, yeah. And how you, and I think too, it's like once you can get it, if you were looking, if you were feeling right now, like that this is a prison.
It's probably because there's things that you are avoiding, like working through or looking at or acknowledging. Like, especially when I was feeling like this was a prison is because I had no boundaries. I had no self-worth. I wasn't taking care of my own needs. I wasn't, you know, standing up for myself. I wasn't putting myself first. There was a lot of things and a lot of this is cultural programming and a lot of this is just American society. But yeah, I think.
If you can transform it to where you feel like this is a vessel, this is a vehicle that I get to utilize in this life to do something amazing with, that's, you know, it's like a form of taking your power back, taking your power back and not constantly being like, it's because this person was shitty to me and I had this horrible childhood or I had this and that and the other. It's like figuring out how, yes, those things happen to us and they suck, but we are the only ones who can take a step out of that.
Right? And to take the power back and to get us where we want to go. Yep. And that's exactly what Vipassana teaches us. Like I love Wenka. Wenka is the teacher that just continued on the integrity and the practice of Vipassana in its purest form. God bless him for continuing to do this work because when I tell you the space that it creates,
just for these kind of moments and these kind of interactions, it becomes very apparent that the world is in need of this kind of like exposure. Yeah. Right. So instead of us sitting on the couch on the sideline, we become the number one player and participant and actively working because he says it.
You were the only one that can liberate ourselves. Like I can show you the path. I can show you how I made it where I made it too. But the one that's going to walk on the path is going to be you. Like when you have children, you want the best for them. You hope that they will, you know, follow in the line of your legacy or create one of their own. In the end, they have to take the step. They must take.
Like I can only show you the path. so this work that we're doing and like the spaces that we're creating, like I'm very grateful that you've taken, like you picked up that torch and you're just like, all right, I'm going to run with this thing as far as I can take it. And your voice is just going to spread far and wide. So we just have this innate ability as a community.
to take one spark and light up the whole grid. And that's what we're here to do. Yeah, I agree. Well, on that note, do you want to share with everybody, because you do coaching. Yes, I have a coaching. I'm a healing facilitator. I do small group work. I specifically amplify and magnify the voices of those who are struggling to find their way.
I am the light, I am the beacon, and that's why I am B. I have work that's coming out, coming forward as an author, writer, so keep in look out for the new, I'm gonna be having a new podcast. It's not a podcast, it's a momcast. I would like to have a clear distinction because as I was, it's so funny, as I was coming here,
on the island, I had an inclination to pull over on the side of the road and there was this beautiful being that was there. She just had her head which she, she's like G-I-J, so if you know anything. Like, but she was just radiant, she was beautiful. And something told me just to pull over and just have an experience. And crossing paths was like a year of the birthing goddess. Like you help people to birth.
themselves anew. It's so funny because when we were at the retreat I was like are you a doula? Because it felt like I was at like my most vulnerable and weakest point and she was just like you can do it you're gonna be okay and I was like you get like doula vibes like you're just birthing but it's a spiritual birthing it's like an awakening of the self yeah absolutely and so like I don't know how to say I'm a birthing goddess.
So I say I facilitate healing for individuals in small groups and I just help people with their confidence.
these kinds of interactions and building experiences. So my next project is Vision for Vets. I'm a visioneer. an imagineer. That's what I am. I call myself an imagineer. So I imagine things and engineering, put that together. But I create vision boards.
And so like, I don't know if anyone knows about art therapy. The vision boards that I've created is a boardroom experience is what I like to call it. And I take clients, groups, retreats, hosts through experiences, guided experiences using vision boards and having a visual representation. Sometimes it comes out like it's just a purge. And like, these are the things that I need to get up.
Other things are like, these are the things I'm aspiring to do and I'm inspired by. So the vision boards are just for that impact, just to see what is possible to be created. So that's the work that we're doing. And it's just a joy. it's not, I can't even say it's work anymore. Now it's just creating experiences and really.
everything has to be done experientially. I can tell you that the fire is hot and I can explain that the fire and I can give you the science but until you get burned by that fire you're not going to know and sometimes it takes people to just burn themselves but we're the healing cell that you know makes it feel better. So where can everybody reach out to you if they want to work with you or they want to read your books or they want to listen to your mom cat?
Well, Momcast, that's gonna be coming out in the spring. Everything is popping in the spring. You can find me at TheRealYYBaker on Instagram and on Facebook, Tea Time with Bee. So, there it is. Well, thank you for coming. I'm so excited to see everything that you've worked into this world.
For the next year, to be exciting. know the astrology is saying that we're moving into an Aries fire revolution phase. Fire is passion. That means that things are getting done. through new change globally for humanity. So I'm excited to see. I am too. my gosh. Thank you so much for having me and sharing this time and space, everyone that's watching. I just so appreciate
the work that you and I are doing and we are birthing new seedlings. So anyone that has listened to this and has had some benefit, hopefully something good came of it. So be good because there's no good without God. All right, well thank you and I'm going to stop recording now. Okay, there we go.