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October 8, 2026 | Ben Mandrell preaches a message from James 3:1-12 focusing on the discipline of the tongue. He emphasizes the power of words to direct, destroy, or delight, and illustrates the spiritual significance of controlling speech, concluding with practical applications and a call for repentance.
Men's morning bible study led by Pastor Ben Mandrell
Well, this morning, I wanna ask you to turn your Bibles to James chapter three. I'm going to tackle the discipline of the tongue. The discipline of the tongue, which I know none of you struggle with. It is a subject from scripture that every person in this room identifies with, whether you are married or unmarried, senior adult or senior in high school. James three, the power of our words and personal relationships relates to all of us. The way we discipline and train our tongues has a tremendous impact on the outcome of our lives and the lives of the people around us. Sinclair Ferguson once said this, the tongue is the hinge on which the door into our souls swings open in order to reveal our spirit. And in fact, our words are like so many media people rushing to file the reports on the condition of our soul. That's an interesting way to think about it. The words that come out of your mouth are like news reporters, telling people what's going on inside of you. You know, the old saying is what's down in the well comes up in the bucket. And the words that we speak, whether we wanna admit it or not, are telling people about what's going on inside because the words come from somewhere down deep, which is why, we'll get to this in a moment, if you have a tongue problem, that is a symptom of a heart problem. And so this topic I think is so important. I have a scar that runs alongside the right side of my eye and it happened when I was just a boy. I was playing backyard baseball and I was standing over a patch of dirt serving as home plate and within a little aluminum bat in my hands, I hit that ball so far, it wish it had never been born. The ball went so far, I was so proud of myself that I started crawling around the bases because I had so much time. And as I was crossing home plate, my friend Chuck was not paying attention, had his eyes closed and was taking some practice swings and hit me right upside the eye right there. And the scar is still there, the pain is gone. In fact, I don't even remember the pain of the collision, but I can tell you something, I still remember the pain from certain things people have said to me over the years. It still hurts when I think about it. I'll give you a few examples. When I was in high school, I was a Christian and I was very careful about who I dated, so I didn't date a lot. And a guy named Matt in my high school started going around and telling people that I was gay. And I remember walking down the hallway and hearing people talk about this because Matt had decided to open his mouth and spread a lie. And I remember how hurt I felt at that point in my life. In my 20s, I was getting ready to take on a senior pastor role. I was taking the place of a very seasoned pastor who had been there 23 years. And I was walking down to his office to speak to him and the door was cracked open and there was a senior adult woman in there and she was letting him have it about how he would let this kid take over the church, speaking of me. And some of the things she said to him were so unkind and unfair. And when she walked out, I was just standing right there and I smiled at her, but inside I was not smiling. It hurt to hear her say those kinds of things, to have so little belief in me. In my 30s, a neighbor friend got so offended by a decision I made as a pastor of the church that he and his wife left the church and began speaking ill about me on a decision that was really quite inconsequential. But I was amazed at the way he not only left the church, but the way he continued to speak about me. In my 40s, when I took over as president of Lifeway Christian Resources, my job every year was to stand before 20,000 people and give a report of how Lifeway was doing. And then as, for those of you who've been there, the microphones are turned on. People can come and ask questions. I refer to it as the Baptist hunger games. I'm just standing up there, taking it for the team. And I was always amazed at how cruel people can be behind a microphone and say some of the ugliest things in front of 20,000 people. I'm giving you these as examples because I know the power of words because I have hurt people with my words and I have been hurt by words. And whether we like to say it or not, that pain sticks around for a long time, much longer than we think. Scripture says this, Proverbs 18, 21, death and life are in the power of the tongue. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. So in this way, the tongue is like a hammer, which is found on the hip of every carpenter. He has a choice in how he uses that hammer. If he turns it in one direction, it destroys. It's like a claw. It can pull things apart like a grizzly bear, pulling it apart with his paws. It can rip, tear and pull. But when you turn it around, it's used to build things up and make things strong and secure and sturdy. And the same is true of your tongue. It can be used to destroy people or it can be used to build people up. It's completely your choice. So James chapter three, verse one through 12, some of the most challenging words in scripture. I'll read them to you now. Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body. But if we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also. Though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire. And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire for the entire course of life and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird of reptile and sea creature can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. All right, in this passage, James makes it clear there's no part of your body that has more potential than the piece of flesh inside your throat. I like the way John MacArthur says it. It is no wonder God put your tongue in a cage behind your teeth, walled in by your mouth. And that's exactly what James is trying to drill into our heads when we read this passage. We have to be very careful and protective over the things that we allow come out of our mouths. So let's talk about the power of words. He's gonna make three very clear points here. The first one is this, your words have the power to direct like a bit or a rudder. Your words have the power to direct like a bit or a rudder. Two word pictures are given to reinforce the point. First, if we put bits into the mouth of horses, verse three, they will obey us. Verse four, look at ships also. So like a good teacher, James uses pictures to tell his story and to drive home his point. He starts with these two very small items. The bit and the rudder are tiny objects, but exercise great influence over a horse and a ship respectively. So if you put a bit in the mouth of the horse, you have horsepower. If you attach a rudder to the rear of the ship, you can steer that entire monstrous thing. So you get the point. Words steer people's lives. The bit and the rudder have the power to direct, which means they can affect the lives of other people dramatically. A runaway horse could mean injury or death to pedestrians. And we all know what a runaway mouth can do, how it can injure the people around us. The words we speak dramatically impact the lives of those around us. Consider a couple examples in scripture. Jesus spoke to a woman at a well once and her life was forever changed, John four. Peter spoke on the day of Pentecost and the words came out of his mouth about the gospel and 3,000 souls came to salvation in Acts chapter two. Your little tongue has the power to steer people toward God or away from God, for good or for bad. So why do you think the Proverbs are so full of verses? If you go just read the book of Proverbs and circle every time it talks about words coming out of your mouth, there are a lot of verses, a lot of verses about what we say. So I'll give you a couple. Proverbs 10, 20. The tongue of the righteous is choice.
Silver, the heart of the wicked is of little worth. Let's consider that for a second. Basically says this, a good man's mouth is very valuable. It's very valuable. It's like silver. A foolish man's mouth is worth nothing. It's worthless. It's like trash. Those two men use their words in radically different ways to affect the outcome of people's lives around them. Proverbs 26, 20. For lack of wood, the fire goes out and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. That's a great one. A campfire starts to dwindle as the night goes on. Dad says, hey, don't throw any more fire. No more logs on the fire. We're gonna let it go out. And the boys listen and soon the flames reduced to a flicker. So it is with heated arguments in your family or in your church. The more people talk about it, the more people spread it, the more people find out about it whenever there's any kind of heated debate, it just throws fire, logs on the fire. The Bible says for lack of wood, the fire goes out and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. So God has given you a tongue that allows you to bring peace and unity, not strife and conflict. And we all know people, surely none of us in this room who'd like to just stir it up. Whenever they find out something's going on, they like to get in there and throw logs on the fire. And yet Jesus called us to be what, peacemakers and to use our mouths to bring calm and serenity and peace, not strife. So our words direct the lives of our family as a spiritual leader of your home, your words impact the power of your family and our words direct the church as spiritual leaders in the church, as we are called to be. How we speak makes a big difference on the things around us. Number two, your words have the power to destroy like a fire or an animal. Your words have the power to destroy like a fire or an animal. So verse five, it says, so also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire. You think about how small the tongue is compared to the quad on your legs. And yet the tongue gets us in so much more trouble in proportion to its size. It's a very small muscle, but it says it is a small member, but it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire. Can you think of a time when you spoke a word that was poisonous? Because it says at the end of verse eight, the tongue is a restless evil, it is full of deadly poison. Poison kills something the minute it is introduced into the subject. Like a snake bites venom, it starts working its way through the tissues and into the bloodstream. I think all of us can attest to times when we have lost our cool, lost our temper, and said things that we could not take back. Paul David Tripp wrote a book called War of Words, and in it he describes a marriage counseling situation that he once dealt with. And the husband, Bob, had come seeking advice. He said, my wife, Mary, is always angry at the kids. She's always taking her frustration out on the kids. What should I do? And like any wise pastor, Paul encouraged Bob to be assertive and to communicate with his wife, being honest about his concerns. And when Bob went home and confronted his angry wife, they both came back for a second session. This time she came in hot. And this is what he writes. This is coming from his book. Mary described what happened this way. She said, I had decided to make us all a good home-cooked meal for a change. It's been so hard with three small kids. The afternoon was unbelievable. The boys seemed like they had plotted to do anything they could to keep me from getting a meal on the table. I did manage to make dinner, but by the time we sat down to eat, I was totally frazzled. And as usual, the meal began with one of the kids spilling his drink all over the place. And I lost it. I not only yelled at him, but I yelled at the other two kids also for thinking it was funny. At this point, I looked up at Bob and I could tell he was really steaming. At first, he just sat there glaring at me, but then he began to speak right in front of the kids. He said, when are you ever going to learn? Are you so full of yourself and your little problems that you can't see what you're doing to the kids? Are you totally blind to what you've become? You are the most destructive thing in our children's lives. And at that moment, Mary looked around the table and saw all three boys listening intently as Bob tore her apart. Let's talk about that scenario for a second. Here's a woman, Mary, that did have a problem. She had her own temper problem. She took out her anger on her kids. She was a stressed out mom who had snapped on her kids, but the words her husband spoke did not bring healing, but more hurt to the situation. The right word spoken at the right time, the Bible says, is like apples of gold in settings of silver. What that means is the right word at the right time is like a custom made piece of jewelry. Solomon says, when you speak the wrong word at the wrong time, what is it like? James says, that's like a fire. That's like an uncaged animal. It destroys everything in the room. And James says, don't stir up a fire with your tongue because that fire will go faster than you think. And this, I think this has to expand today to even where it really happens more often now is in social media. People have taken shots at me on social media for years. It's such a joy to read those things. For someone to take five seconds out of my sermon and pull it out and try to make it say something I didn't say, and then all the comments start raging. I have found every single time that the best response is no response. Anytime I've tried to hop in there and set the record straight, it never works. You know, there's an old saying that says, your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it. And that is true, I've found, when you're trying to defend yourself or speak up to people who are hostile. So we just have to be really wise, brothers, like the words that we use, are they bringing any healing to the situation or does it just make it worse? The Bible says that what we speak can either stir up a situation or calm it down. So words can direct or words can destroy, but now we get to the best part. Third point he makes is this, your words have the power to delight, like fresh water or a fruitful tree. Verse nine, with it, with the tongue, we bless our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse people who are made in the image of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be. Does the spring pour forth from the same opening, both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives or grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. It made me think about this question. Can you remember a time when you were so thirsty you thought you might die? Maybe you were in a football practice in high school and it was one of those two-a-day practices, you had full pads on, full sun. By the time you got to water your mouth, when it reached that fountain, your whole body celebrated. The power of fresh water to a thirsty tongue. We live in a world today where people are absolutely just parched with good words. There's so much negativity, so much cruel and mean things being thrown around that when you choose to be a fountain of life, when you choose to speak blessing over people, it is like bringing fresh water to the end of a football practice. People will line up to drink it. It's so true. I mean, I find it my own life. I gravitate toward people that I know they're gonna bring a good word because I got plenty bringing the other. I gravitate. The Bible says we enter into his gates with thanksgiving and with praise. So the way we get close to God is how? We bring good words, we bring praise. That's how you get into the holy of holies. God brings you in as you bring praise. I have found that to be true with personal relationships as well. I tend to invite people into the holy of holies of my life that I can trust. They're not yes people. They're not always gonna blow smoke or tell me, they will confront me. But nine times out of 10, they're gonna come in wanting to speak blessing, wanting to be encouraging, wanting to build me up, point out the things I'm doing right, not necessarily finding everything I'm doing wrong. And those people more and more are just rare. I wanna talk about this in the relationship of marriage. For those of you who are married, I think this is one of the hardest things in life is to be married to the same person for a long time and speak to them in the same way you spoke to them when you met them. If you read the Song of Solomon, the book in the Bible, it is a book aimed at a mature audience. It is a very, it's a sexual book. It's a book with a lot of romance. But what is it that fuels the fire between this man and this woman? It's very obvious. Carefully.
composed words. They speak to each other with so much kindness, so much affirmation, so much love, and that fuels the fire of romance. I don't know about you, but sometimes I'll be around an older couple, someone that I'm hoping would set an example for Lindley and I, they're a little further along, and I notice that they really talk to each other kind of rough. They're real short with each other, or they snap at each other, or they have a lot of sarcasm, which is just kind of a biting tone in their voice, and whenever I walk away from those situations, I always want to talk to Lindley about it and say, you know, I really hope that we're not on that trajectory, that we're not gonna talk to each other that way when we're 35 years in, because the tone that we use in our home dramatically impacts the culture of our home. The way we speak to affirm our wife or tear her down, the amount of sarcasm we bring into the home, it affects the spring of the water that everybody drinks out of. And so I just want to ask you, how are you doing in your speech? Would those around you describe you as a fountain of fresh water, as James describes? A person that replenishes the soul of people around them? Or are you the salt water that people want to spit out of their mouths? Are you the person that's always tearing people down, pushing other people down so that you can feel better about yourself? Each of us should examine our own lives closely and see if we haven't slipped in the way of communication. And you know, I think this is a great way to practice repentance, which I think is the hardest discipline of all. You know, it really means a lot to me when someone comes to me and says, you know, I want to tell you a couple of weeks ago, I said this thing to you and I just want you to know I've not felt good about it since I said it. That always brings intimacy. It always brings me closer to the person because you know what? I may not even have, probably didn't register with me, but I know how many times I've done that. And I know it always challenges me when a person does that to think, well, who did I tick off that I didn't mean to tick off? Who did I say something to that I shouldn't have said something to? I have found that it's even powerful with my own kids. There've been times when I've been driving down the road and I've thought about something I've said to one of my kids, and I'll just call them up and say, hey, I was thinking about something I said to you years ago. And I really hope that you don't ever think about that because that wasn't the best version of me. I'm really sorry I said that. This is the beauty of the gospel, is whenever we recognize our own need for forgiveness, it makes us relatable to the people around us. I have no problem with people who have lost their cool with me, who maybe had a bad day or a bad meeting, who come back the next day and say, I was out of line. I was already having a bad day, I took it out on you. And I just wanna tell you, I'm sorry. I always appreciate that level of humanity because I've been there myself. Oftentimes, the person that I am angry at, they are just a recipient of a bad day. And what I just said has nothing to do with them. It has me venting frustration that I have with somebody else. So being aware of that and the way that you impact people is so important. Now, I also wanna say this, there are two by the ways in this passage of scripture that I wanna talk about. They aren't part of the main points, but they're sub points that I think I wanna make sure that I hit these. Two by the ways, number one, I didn't touch verse one, which says, teachers, you should measure your words with extra care. Not many of you should be teachers, it says in James 3.1. Not many of you, my brothers, should be teachers for those of you who teach will be judged with greater strictness. Now, why does James open up this section of scripture with these words? Apparently, the Christians of that day were jockeying for positions in the local church. Everybody wanted to be a teacher because after all, there is prestige in being on the platform. Even right now, I'm elevated above you. I am superior to you. Do you feel it? But when you climb up these steps and you teach the Bible, you also recognize that if I step into Costco today and say a cross word to my wife that a church member hears, it carries a lot of weight. If you heard me say that to Lindley at Costco today, you would say, and he just taught this morning on this. What a hypocrite. What power does scripture have if the person teaching doesn't even apply it? And so there is an extra pressure, which is why all of us should be careful to presume to be teachers. It's not something you should enter into lightly. Now, I will say this. We do need teachers in the church. And if you have the gift to teach, you have to answer to God if you don't use your gifts. So I don't think the scripture is trying to talk anybody out of being a teacher. I don't think they were trying to talk people out of leading a Jerusalem home group. I don't think James was trying to discourage anyone from trying to be a pastor. He was just trying to say, once you get elevated on a platform as a teacher, people will weigh your words more carefully than other people's words. And it's a really hard thing for me, even as a pastor. I've noticed this even with staff members. If I pull a staff member aside and make a suggestion, I have to be really careful how I say that because they'll go and think about it all day long when it may have just been a suggestion. Because the more authority you have, the more weight your words have. They weigh them seriously. And people will scrutinize a teacher more than they will a pupil. We hold our teachers to higher standards. In high school, it's one thing to hear a classmate drop an inappropriate comment. It's quite another to hear a teacher tell an off-color joke. Two very different things. So not just people, but God himself holds teachers to a different criteria. Teachers are held to a stricter judgment. To those whom much is given, much is expected. And I wanna offer a broad challenge here. As scripture calls men to be the spiritual leaders in the houses, in a way, all of you are teachers. You may not be pastors or small group leaders, but your weight in the house carries so much power. How many of us in this room can remember things our dad said to us that still feel destructive? I'm not saying a mother's presence in a boy's life is not important, but there's something about the weight of a dad's words that carry a little extra pound. So be very, very careful with the way you use your words. One other, by the way, only with the help of the Holy Spirit will you change the way you talk. Only with the help of the Holy Spirit will you change the way you talk. And I want you to look at a couple of verses here. First of all, chapter three, verse seven. For every kind of beast and bird, reptile and sea creature can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being by himself can tame the tongue. You see that? Only the presence and power of the Holy Spirit can truly change the way you talk. It's not a willpower thing, it's a God power thing. And James is not exaggerating when he says that no man can tame it. There's only been one person in the history of the world who had total control over his body and his speech, and you know his name, his name is Jesus. In fact, James confesses in verse two that we all stumble in many ways. So he humbly admits that even he stumbles in this area, even he struggles with his words. And what my fear is today is that some of you will leave thinking that you can muster up more power within yourself to be able to speak with love and tenderness to all people, and you just can't do it. Here's why. The tongue is the ultimate tattletale. It tells on the heart, it discloses the real person. That's why Jesus said this, Luke 6, 45. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart, for out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks. So as I said before, if you have a problem with cussing or criticizing or cutting people down, you gotta go straight to Jesus Christ with that. You gotta take that straight to the Lord, because only repentance to God, and only the filling of the Holy Spirit is really gonna have an impact on you. And so it's not just a behavior modification, it's a spiritual conversation. And I do wanna tell you, I think it's a really good gauge on where you are spiritually. If you're really struggling with your mouth right now, if you're spouting off on a lot of people, you've noticed you've been real short-tempered, if you're using crass words a lot, as those words come out of your mouth, it's really good to feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit to feel like, well, I need to get some time with the Lord. I might need to pull back from business a little bit and get a little extra time with the Lord, because I'm not having a positive impact on the employees right now.
I need to get with God and figure out what's going on in here so I don't keep bringing it all and spewing it in here. It's a, when I've noticed my mouth is getting loose, it's often because I've neglected my relationship with God. And so it can be a really good, it's like taking a thermometer and noticing you got a temperature. You're not well right now. I think your tongue is a way to tell you that you're not well right now. It is a restless evil. James 1 26 is a very convicting verse. Let me throw this last one up for you. If anyone considers himself a Christian or religious and does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Why is his religion worthless? Because his tongue tells the story of a life that is unchanged by the love of God. Our words tell the story of our souls. So here's what I wanna do. I wanna get you guys talking a little bit. Here's one of the things I've noticed about Bellevue that I've spoken recently to our staff is this is true of a lot of churches. I think it's true of all churches, but one of the easiest things to do is to bring people into a room and get them to listen to a talk. It's a lot harder to get people to talk to each other. I think it's real easy to walk into this room and feel lonely. And if you're walking into this room and feeling lonely, I wanna put the challenge on you. It's because you're not engaging with people around you. And so I always wanna build in time. I know some people don't love this time. They don't like talking about their lives. Men especially like to keep their cards really close, especially about anything painful. We'd rather talk about the fact that the Braves lost last night to the Dodgers than, I know, I'm grieving too. But we'd rather talk about sports than things that our father said to us 20 years ago that we're still dealing with. But real relationships require real conversation, okay? So here's the question I want you to turn and talk to each other. It's really two questions. What is one life-giving thing someone said to you that you still carry with you today? And what is one hurtful thing someone said to you that you've had to work to forgive and you'd have to let it go, okay? So one's easy to talk about, one's a little harder. All right, turn and talk to somebody about those. Go, give you 10 minutes.