The Manuel Transmission

Learning Their Names
This transmission is about awareness turning into understanding.

Last week, Brad and Monnica set a simple intention: notice more. This week, they take the next step—recognizing patterns as they show up in real time, in conversations, relationships, work, and internal reactions we usually run on autopilot.
They explore how patterns form as protective strategies, why they once served us, and what happens when they quietly start running the show. Through reflections on listening, editing, family dynamics, leadership habits, and emotional self-regulation, they unpack the difference between what actually happens and the meaning we assign to it.
This episode weaves together:
  • how slowing down changes conversations
  • why assumptions create unnecessary inner conflict
  • the power of separating fact from interpretation
  • and what it looks like to stay curious instead of defensive
They also connect these ideas to music, attention, and the brain’s default mode, drawing inspiration from How to Be a Human Being by Glass Animals and setting up a deeper dive into focus and awareness in the weeks ahead.

This isn’t about fixing patterns or stopping them. It’s about naming them.

Because when you learn their names, you gain just enough space to choose differently.
And sometimes, that space changes everything.

What is The Manuel Transmission?

We’re Brad & Monnica Manuel - we've been married for 28 years and business partners a little longer than that.

Every Sunday morning, we press record on a conversation rooted in reflection. Over coffee and a vinyl record, we talk through the week we just lived: what challenged us, what taught us, and what tuned us along the way.

From marriage and mindset to leadership, resilience, and personal growth, these are honest conversations about being human through the lens of Gen X, family, work, and life in transition - one record, one reflection, one transmission at a time.

🎧 New Transmissions every Sunday morning
☕ Stories • Soundtracks • Marriage • Leadership • Self-Discovery • Coaching • Generation X

Monnica:

Have to wear my glasses.

Brad:

Uh-oh. Do you want me to turn that overhead light on?

Monnica:

It's not a lighting issue.

Brad:

Oh, wait. That's true because you're looking at a computer screen.

Monnica:

Good morning. Good morning. Welcome to the manual transmission.

Brad:

I'm Brad.

Monnica:

And I'm Monica. We've been married for twenty eight years.

Brad:

Twenty eight years and business partners slightly longer.

Monnica:

Each week, we press record for hopefully a thoughtful conversation.

Brad:

Hopefully.

Monnica:

Excuse me.

Brad:

And hopefully not boring.

Monnica:

Well, Try not to be boring. But

Brad:

Well, you just yawned in

Monnica:

the mic. Just delete that. That's what happens when you do it in the morning. I haven't finished my first cup of coffee yet.

Brad:

Okay. Okay. So last week, we said this season isn't about doing more.

Monnica:

Yes. We said it was about

Brad:

What was that?

Monnica:

That was sorry. Let me silence my phone.

Brad:

Please.

Monnica:

Rude.

Brad:

That is rude.

Monnica:

K. Done. It's hard to do this with my glasses on because I have to, like, peer at you over my glasses.

Brad:

Can you give me that?

Monnica:

I need bifocals. Older. Hey. Watch it.

Brad:

Wiser.

Monnica:

Buddy.

Brad:

Hotter.

Monnica:

Nice try. It's about awareness, being aware of how we move throughout our days, how we move throughout our relationships, through leadership choices, etcetera.

Brad:

And once you start noticing the next thing you can't not see is patterns.

Monnica:

Well, and I think there's so much power in being able to recognize patterns. So for example, you know, one of the, one of my favorite really simple, but really impactful when done over time ways to do one on ones is that three part, what will winning look like in the coming period? Then coming back together and reviewing, did I win? And asking why. Because when you can know what a win looks like, assess whether or not you won, it's probably gonna be somewhere between hell yes and no.

Monnica:

The most important thing is that third piece, why? And when you can bring back that locus of control to, I notice the pattern of when I consider myself to be winning is when I'm prepared this way, I'm showing up this way, I'm thinking, you know, taking this certain mental approach. I have these kinds of behaviors and word choices and actions, what have you. Then you can start to recognize how you, with with the choices you make, recognize those patterns for when I'm winning, I'm doing I'm showing up like this. When I'm not, what what am I doing that has, you know, some influence on that?

Monnica:

And then you're not just a victim of circumstance, you know, hoping that you get lucky. And instead you have Seneca's version of luck, which is where preparedness and opportunity meet.

Brad:

That's my preferred definition.

Monnica:

Same.

Brad:

So with patterns, last week when we talked about this, that was what we said we were gonna do. We were gonna start Noticing. This noticing, with this awareness. And even one one of the questions that we asked ourselves is what do we do? How do we respond when things don't go our way?

Monnica:

Yeah. What what is my automatic

Brad:

Yeah. What is our automatic response? Yes. Do we do we speed up, get quiet when we're triggered? Do we start to explain ourselves, try to fix each other?

Monnica:

So what did you notice this last week?

Brad:

That was my question for you. Did you notice anything this week?

Monnica:

You first.

Brad:

Okay. Well, I as I thought about it

Monnica:

What did you notice?

Brad:

I noticed specifically because I'm editing. The editing is forcing me to hear myself and to hear how I speed up sometimes or I'll intentionally slow down. And it would save me a lot of time if I just slowed down and articulated what I wanted to say. But a lot of that is staying in the moment, not trying to think about what I'm gonna say next while while you're saying something. It's like staying in the conversation and actually being in the conversation.

Monnica:

It gives you space to actually listen more effectively.

Brad:

And I think you probably feel that I'm listening if I'm actually engaged in the conversation.

Monnica:

You're always engaged in listening well. What are you talking about?

Brad:

Anyway, that's I what I

Monnica:

think it goes both ways. Yeah. That's a great observation. But I think we all struggle with staying present and not drifting off in our own mind wandering patterns and forgetting to listen well. I know I do that.

Monnica:

I notice when you do it and I sometimes call it out.

Brad:

You're like, hey, reel it in, buddy.

Monnica:

Yeah. Try generally not to call you buddy, but the sentiment is there. So what's your big takeaway from that?

Brad:

Again, that I need to slow down, stay in the moment, be present in the conversation, and then trust whatever cues that we have to move on. It's sitting in front of me. I'll I'll I'll get to that. That's probably why Joe Rogan's podcast is so successful. He does three hour podcasts, but then he just posts online.

Monnica:

Do people have time to listen to all that?

Brad:

That's crazy. The time and millions and millions of them.

Monnica:

You know, years and years ago when I ran a call center, I would always require that people listen to themselves regularly, and nobody enjoys it, but it is always very helpful because we're not aware of things we've started saying or doing or stop saying or doing that are really important. When there's really no other way to have that necessary recognition to make the adjustments you need to make to really fine tune your game if you're interested in doing that without listening to yourself. And so that was just required performance management. And so I think this presents an interesting opportunity for us to hear how we're interacting with each other and have that reflection. So how would if you're not recording yourselves having a conversation, how does just like a run of the mill relationship have that opportunity to reflect on how they sound when they talk to each other?

Brad:

Therapy.

Monnica:

Therapy. Oh, boy.

Brad:

Back to therapy.

Monnica:

I think therapy is really useful. I know we've talked about it a lot. I think everybody should go.

Brad:

Like, when we sit down and we have a ninety minute conversation that typically gets reduced down to about thirty minutes, that other sixty minutes, you don't generally listen to.

Monnica:

You're right. What feedback do you have for me from hearing me from those ninety minutes?

Brad:

Hell no. I'm not giving feedback. No. This is not the space for that.

Monnica:

Am Hey. Not

Brad:

It's okay. You can give

Monnica:

me feedback. You can delete it if it's bad.

Brad:

Not doing that right Don't be a chicken.

Monnica:

Let's hear it. Yeah. Give me one. Give me one piece. He's scared right now.

Monnica:

That's a nervous laughter.

Brad:

That's funny.

Monnica:

Come on. Give me one.

Brad:

Well, you've already said it.

Monnica:

Which part? I interrupt you. I also need to slow down.

Brad:

No. I listen. You this is funny.

Monnica:

Come on.

Brad:

I think that you you know. You you you've given yourself the the critique.

Monnica:

Oh, you are so scared right

Brad:

now. We we have to get through the podcast.

Monnica:

Suck it up, cupcake. Give me one.

Brad:

Well, no. Because I don't wanna influence what what you do. I don't wanna I don't wanna I get to edit what you do

Monnica:

and I You mean you don't wanna influence

Brad:

I don't want you to start changing something based on feedback that I'm pressured to give in a moment.

Monnica:

No. Listen. I I can handle it.

Brad:

No. I think I know you can, but I think that what is happening is in our editing process Yeah. That is getting refined. That is the communication. You are recognizing it.

Brad:

In fact, I remember the early podcasts. Early podcast.

Monnica:

We It's all early.

Brad:

Two months?

Monnica:

Something like that.

Brad:

We started in

Monnica:

Three months, probably.

Brad:

We launched in November. Okay. Okay.

Monnica:

But we but it it feels like longer because we recorded several before that that we just threw away because we were trying to figure out

Brad:

Exactly.

Monnica:

How to do this.

Brad:

Exactly. So even some of the earlier ones that have been posted, we've changed. We've recognized or I remember in the early in those editing processes, you would say, hey. You sound dismissive of me.

Monnica:

See, I gave you feedback.

Brad:

You did.

Monnica:

And you received it very well.

Brad:

Right. And then

Monnica:

So give me some.

Brad:

And then you also you did it the other day. I'll give you a perfect example and feedback. You said that why you said, why did you just let me ramble on?

Monnica:

Why wouldn't I? I just kept I just kept going. It's like my

Brad:

You had something to say.

Monnica:

I know. But

Brad:

I was okay with that.

Monnica:

I was doing way too much talking.

Brad:

I was okay with that. And honestly, that's why I don't want you to not say because I don't want you to edit yourself in this discussion. I don't want to be, you know, held back or be thinking about what we're having to communicate about or what we're gonna say in the conversation. I can edit it later, and we can trim it down to hopefully make something meaningful and and not rambling.

Monnica:

Okay.

Brad:

That's the beauty of editing.

Monnica:

I have noticed, as you as you talk about slowing down, this opportunity at the end of the year and then the beginning of the year getting started that I have had to take some time more than normal where because others are taking time off and things just kind of naturally, you know, families turn inward and have their time throughout the holidays. There's opportunities created collectively for us to slow down. My my default is to kind of rebel against that and and feel like I need to still be doing a bunch of stuff. But I've been I've caught myself doing that and been pretty intentional about trying to really take the space to slow down and relax and and recover a little bit from what was a pretty intense year. Because the reality is q one is packed.

Monnica:

There's multiple international trips scheduled. There's multiple domestic trips scheduled. There's a lot going on, and and it's going to be intense in a very fun and satisfying way. So it's like, this is you'll look back and wish you had taken the opportunity. Just chill out and and take the opportunity to recharge and reflect.

Monnica:

And so I've been making a point of doing that, and, I think it's gone better than than I think it's gone before for me. Anyway, it's been good.

Brad:

So this high high low, it was that we prompted ourselves to slow down and notice. I took that opportunity to slow down and notice in the editing process. It was kind of fun to, like, think about how I might minimize my effort on the editing side by just showing up in this space.

Monnica:

So So it was a high and a low?

Brad:

That was the high.

Monnica:

Oh, that was a high. Okay.

Brad:

The low, I think, was some familiar reactions that came up this during the holidays that were unfortunate, unproductive, not the best.

Monnica:

I think like in any family, there's especially a a bigger family that has, you know, multiple generations and people dealing with different phases of life. You're gonna have personality conflicts occasionally. And there were a couple over the holidays that were just kind of disappointing. And, those spark responses, reactions, what have you in yourself. And I think your reactions externally were pretty good.

Monnica:

You probably are talking about internal ones. I thought you handled things well.

Brad:

Yeah. It was the way that interactions made me feel.

Monnica:

That makes sense.

Brad:

So that was definitely a low, but it was a moment, But it was a defined moment.

Monnica:

Yeah. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I mean, I think so relating to that a little bit, mine mine's probably a mixed bag of a high and a low in one set of reflections. We had set the intention to be to just to notice.

Monnica:

And I was noticing in myself as I navigated, you know, end of year conversations and annual planning prep and kickoff to the start of the year conversations, my own internal reactions. So anyone in the room with me would not know I'm having any of this happening. But internally, I started to recognize and parse out what was my reaction to what actually was said or was happening versus what was my reaction to what I feared might happen, or speculation or assumptions that I wove into that, filling in gaps, and trying to parse those out. And go, wait a minute, nobody actually said that. They probably didn't even think that, Or am I just assuming?

Monnica:

And starting to It's like overhearing an inner monologue and evaluating it and challenging the assumptions that are in it. How much of that was fact and how much of that was my assumption? And can I parse those out, and then can I challenge those assumptions? So that's what I was working on. And I noticed that before I found and identified and faced and challenged those assumptions, they caused a real negative internal landscape, and I didn't like it.

Monnica:

And so when that happened, it flagged me to go back and review, what am I assuming here? And just reflect on, have I conducted myself in a way that I can be proud of? And am I available for discussion if somebody has an issue? And have I been, you know, kind and open? And if that's true and somebody else still has a problem, that's their right, but it doesn't need to be my problem.

Brad:

What is the work that you believe has been able to get you to this point?

Monnica:

So it's probably a two part answer here, two category answer here. One category would be just the awareness and the reflection and, you know, I think a value I have is instilling confidence in others.

Brad:

You're a coach.

Monnica:

Right? It's just a way of being. But part So associating with that, the need to have confidence in others and just allow them their struggle to be their struggle and their work to be their work and not to take it from them because it's theirs. So there's probably some of that, but also this other category, The reality of things is that as estrogen decreases in women, they physically have less of a motivation to try to solve other people's problems for them. It's a direct tie.

Monnica:

Estrogen drives us to nurture and care for and solve for and just be this all things to all people are in our orbit. And as that declines, so does your desire to do that. It's like you got this, you go do your thing. I'm not fixing that for you.

Brad:

You seem satisfied

Monnica:

with I'm so, it is like so liberating. I am all about it. You know what? I think I told you this week, my goal in 2026 is to be responsible for myself and nobody else.

Brad:

It's like science gave you a reason.

Monnica:

It it made me aware of the pattern and then I was like, yeah, I'm gonna lean into that pattern.

Brad:

I love it. Okay. Well, good. You deserve it.

Monnica:

Wow. Thanks. I'm saying that as like an encouragement motivation to myself because that has not been my pattern, but I'm I'm I'm saying it's my pattern. I'm gonna I'm leaning into this change.

Brad:

K. So to recap, high low. Framing high low as states. Right? Not wins.

Monnica:

States of being rather than, like, certain events. That's how we're framing high low this week.

Brad:

Yeah.

Monnica:

Yeah. I'd say my state of being that was a high was just kind of the empowering perspective that I'm not gonna assume or create a problem where there isn't one. I'm going to parse out my assumptions that you know, where I've kind of assumed something negative and identify that and set it aside and also identify something that's just not my problem and let it let it go. That felt very empowering. And the low was probably just noticing my my pattern, my habit of taking on other people's problems, being really empathetic in but but then almost taking that on.

Monnica:

And so it was kinda two two part, letting it go, but also recognizing how much I tend to do that. And there's this line you had in our notes that most of us aren't broken. We're just loyal to strategies that worked once.

Brad:

Yeah.

Monnica:

Like that was a pretty survival strategy for me, but I just don't feel the need to do it anymore. But that's a long long curated habit. And so there's no way to let go of that habit without noticing that it's happening. So it was an interesting cycle of awareness. Anyway, what was yours?

Brad:

Good. I'm happy for you. That's good awareness. Thanks. My high was you said empowerment.

Brad:

I like that word, but it was the awareness that I brought to the editing process this week. And my low was probably my state of sadness and disappointment in recognizing patterns in my relationships that appeared again.

Monnica:

With some of the ways people showed up over the holidays?

Brad:

Yes.

Monnica:

Yeah. What did you notice?

Brad:

So when I feel overwhelmed, I tend to go quiet. It's not because I don't care. It's because that used to be the safest thing to do.

Monnica:

Yeah. I I could see that. And I tend to do the opposite. I go into explaining, fixing. I move.

Monnica:

I take action because doing something always felt safer than feeling something. And awareness, you know, it doesn't erase the pattern, but it gives you a moment to make a different choice before that pattern starts running the show.

Brad:

Okay. You got a really cool Christmas album, How to be a human being. It's the second studio album by Glass Animals. They are an English indie rock band.

Monnica:

And this is Sid's favorite album.

Brad:

Yep. And each of the 11 songs throughout the album represent a different person and their experiences.

Monnica:

And the cover, the album art is quite interesting, and it makes a lot more sense when you realize that each song is about one of those characters. I don't know. I guess I just realized just going back to our reflections on what we noticed about ourselves as we set out the intention to do that. Everybody's got this stuff going on in their own heads. And it's like, you wonder what somebody might be thinking about you.

Monnica:

Well, they're probably not. They're probably worrying about what other people are thinking about them.

Brad:

So do you notice anything?

Monnica:

I think well, I mean, we talked about it. But in the very recent history, just between last time we talked about it and now, I noticed that I have that habit of forecasting and imagining what people are. There's assumptions in there about what people are thinking or what they might do because of it, and being able to parse that from what I actually have evidence for Mhmm. Was pretty important because it's it's again, it's a survival mechanism because if you can kinda forecast what they're gonna do, then you're ready for it.

Brad:

Right.

Monnica:

But unfortunately, that can introduce some negativity that's just you're manufacturing it.

Brad:

It's like you're creating a bias.

Monnica:

Oh, a bias. What do you mean?

Brad:

If you're anticipating something happening from, let's say, a relationship Yeah. You've already told this story in your head and you're expecting this to happen and then then you're looking because we're pattern seeking, you're looking to have your bias confirmed.

Monnica:

Yeah. And then you might see something that's not there. I actually caught that in a very specific relationship that's been strained. Not strained, but it just hasn't been what it could be. It's an important relationship for me.

Monnica:

It's an important professional relationship. And I actually had a really good meeting with this person yesterday. And I noticed, because we set this intention, oh, this isn't the negativity I thought it was. What this person is looking for is connection. Yeah.

Monnica:

And just wants to connect with me. And I just need to give allowance for that. So I just slowed down and where, you know, we had done what we needed to do in the meeting

Brad:

That's where that no judgment Yeah. Comes

Monnica:

I noticed it and I stayed and we just connected and ended up talking about a bunch of other stuff. And it ended up being really good. And I realized I had my guard up with this person because of that. So it was actually really helpful. Maybe that's my high.

Brad:

Okay. Cool. You can change your high.

Monnica:

It's this it's in it's the an example of what what I was talking about thematically being my high, but this is a specific example. It felt like a breakthrough in that relationship that has been a little, it's been reserved, I think, from both of us. Didn't get off to a great start. And, I just, yesterday, lingered a little longer after the transaction was done, so to speak, and we ended up connecting more, and it was it was good.

Brad:

That's awesome. I think that's well, you were intentional about noticing this week.

Monnica:

I noticed my guard was

Brad:

up. Right.

Monnica:

No. I had reason for my guard to be up, but we're all just human. Right? And nobody nobody wants to be judged by their worst moments or, you know, have just because something gets off to a bad start because a relationship is awkward or the circumstances are less than ideal. Sometimes I think we fall into the trap of drawing a conclusion about somebody and then we stop learning.

Monnica:

We stop being curious.

Brad:

Right.

Monnica:

And I think I had maybe done that a little bit. And so I just saw her a little differently.

Brad:

You mentioned it. It's trying to protect us. These patterns Mhmm. That we've developed, they're instinctively trying to protect us.

Monnica:

Yeah. And even if someone has behaved in a way that's not great, what we ascribe to that as far as intention can define what we do next. So like, it's true that that person had not treated me well, but I think that the motivation for that was just her own protective mechanisms. Wasn't that she

Brad:

Right.

Monnica:

It was circumstantial. It was self protection on her part, not because of me, but because of the circumstances. And when I let go of the meaning I attached to those behaviors, and maybe even imagined a different meaning that made her more human and maybe just vulnerable, then I let my guard down a little bit and just stayed a little longer and connected at a little more human level and realized, oh, that's what she wanted. And I think sometimes we get so stuck on, no, but I'm right. This did happen.

Monnica:

Okay, sure, but is that a winning strategy? Do I wanna be right? Or do I wanna win? And maybe I'm right that that thing happened, but have I also, and this is the pursing I was talking about, but have I also attached interpretation to that thing? And it's that's where I think we go wrong.

Monnica:

That thing did happen, but I interpret it to mean x when I don't know if that's right. Maybe it meant y or z.

Brad:

Right. Well, And pattern

Monnica:

can I stay curious long enough to maybe discover what y or z might be? And did I assign negative intent to my interpretation when I said what I thought it meant?

Brad:

Right.

Monnica:

And that's that awareness I was talking about. I realized I still do that in some ways.

Brad:

The pattern wants something for us, wants to protect us, is trying to communicate something to us. It's important to us for some reason.

Monnica:

It wants us to be ready for something that might happen.

Brad:

So if we can just that's what I think what we continue to do this week. We have this extra space.

Monnica:

Just to understand what's happening.

Brad:

Right. Just noticing when it shows up again.

Monnica:

Like you said, oh, I see. Why am I reaching for my phone? Or why am I pouring a drink? Or why am I, you know, whatever, flipping on the TV? If you can answer that question, then you can say, well, maybe does that serve me?

Brad:

And

Monnica:

if it doesn't, then you can say, well, what would? And then the next time you feel that compulsion to do that thing, you can have a plan to do a different thing. Maybe I'm gonna go for a walk or I'm gonna go get a workout in or I'm gonna read a book or I'm gonna have a conversation.

Brad:

Yes. And what I love about that is as we move into this week, this isn't about stopping our patterns. It's about learning their names, knowing what they are labeling them.

Monnica:

Cool. Let's do that.

Brad:

Let's do that. K. Is that it?

Monnica:

That's it. Have a good week.

Brad:

Have a great week.

Monnica:

What about your conversation strong, coffee strong, conversation stronger? We're not doing that.

Brad:

You couldn't even remember it.

Monnica:

May your may your coffee be strong and your conversation stronger. I remember it.

Brad:

Okay. I like that.

Monnica:

I'm just asking if we're saying it.

Brad:

Do you not like it? Do you wanna change it? It's 2026. It could be anything that you want.

Monnica:

Have a great week. I'll see you next week.