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Conversations With Thomas is a podcast where humor, heart, and a touch of sass collide. Hosted by Thomas Kevin Dolan, each episode explores raw, real topics like self-compassion, healing, and the delightful mess of being human. As the seventh of ten kids, Thomas didn’t always have a voice—now he’s sharing it with you, and trust us, you’ll want to hear this.
Expect vulnerability, laughs, and thought-provoking questions that dive into subjects most people avoid (because, let's face it, some topics just need to be tackled). With a mix of wit and wisdom, Thomas takes you on a journey where you might cry, you might laugh, and you’ll definitely feel a little more connected to yourself and the world.
New episodes drop every 2nd and 4th Monday. Tune in for a dose of honesty, heart, and just the right amount of quirky.
Welcome to Conversations with Thomas. I'm your host, Thomas Kevin Dolan, pronounced
"he" and "him." I'm recording this podcast from the sacred lands of Hawaii,
the island of Oahu actually, the ancestral home of the Kanakamali. I honor and
deeply respect the original stewards of these islands, their wisdom, resilience, and
aloha still pulse through this place. Today's episode is about something that might
be the most underrated life skill of all time. Listening.
I named the episode Listening As You're Accomplished. It's a conversation designed to
move your heart, inspire your mind, and perhaps touch your soul.
With an invitation for you to listen deeply Think boldly and feel fully as we
explore the messy beautiful layers of being human You know in a world where most
conversations can be summed up by how are you fine? It's no wonder we feel
disconnected fine is not a conversation fine is a parking lot where ideas go to die
In this my second season of Conversations with Thomas, I have an intention that we
break out of fine and into the kinds of exchanges that spark ideas,
inspire change, and make you realize, oh wow, I didn't know that.
I'm talking about listening as your accomplice. Listening that doesn't just collect
words, but transforms you. listening to learn, not to reload and fire your next
thought. From the preface of my memoir, "Little Fag, A Journey of Self -Exceptance
and Healing," I write this, "I now see so clearly that I've healed every time I've
had a good conversation with someone. My healing occurs while I laugh. The healing
deepens when someone elicits a genuine smile from me. When using my creative energy
to make something, especially when it's fun. I heal. As I allow myself to be
absorbed in something that lights me up, my struggles get put on hold. That's not
just pretty language, that's my life. Those moments weren't only about the words,
they were about what they were really about being heard, about someone sitting with
me, really with me. Here's the short version.
Listening is underrated. We live in a culture that awards the loudest megaphone,
the person with the fastest thumbs, the sharpest or perhaps even meanest tweet, the
biggest opinion gets the applause. Meanwhile, listening gets relegated to a plate nod
in the corner,
but I think listening is the headliner. The science even backs it up. Neuroscientists
talk about neural coupling. This is actually really cool, neural coupling. When we
listen deeply to someone, our brains begin to sink. We start thinking about similar
lines, your emotional rhythms align, and that mental tango creates connection.
That's where empathy happens. That's where perspective shifts. That's where change
begins. And I'm sure you can think about a time where you could literally finish
somebody's sandwiches. Okay, census. That's a little bit from Frozen.
Do you remember that when you were lined up with them and you didn't know how you
were lined up with them? It's because you were listening so deeply that you created
this neural coupling.
Alok, Vaid Menon, this brilliant non -binary author, activist, and performer,
and Alok is really, really brilliant. I would encourage you to find Alok somewhere
on social media. I follow Alok on both Instagram and Facebook. Alok says this
exquisitely well. Listening is the act of loving someone without trying to control
them. Think about that. So many of us listened with a clipboard, scoring remarks,
planning comebacks, waiting to top a story, listening without a clipboard.
Wow, that would be radical. That would be loving. That would be brave. Here's where
it gets personal. It's part of the final chapter of my memoir. I share a moment
with a psychologists. I met this psychologist on a beach on Maui that could have
easily just been another polite exchange.
A kind man from Santa Monica who specialized in dream interpretation was this
psychologist. I shared with him my years -long saga of shark dreams,
terrifying. These first fierce predators that hunted my sleep actually before I came
out. He listened patiently as I recounted everything. From the black tip shark that
swam by me while I was in the ocean. The humpback whale shark frenzy I had
witnessed. The reoccurring shadows in my subconscious. Then he asked if I was open
to some thoughts. Of course I said yes, without hesitation. He said, "Sharks are
powerful predators. Have you considered that your dreams might be about your anger or
fierceness inside you? I hadn't. Explain how those sharks could represent my own
ruthless self -judgment and the tough issues I carried, things I hadn't fully faced
while living in the closet. Then came the question that changed everything.
He asked this, "What do you think the shark meant to you all those years?" I
looked at his steady blue eyes, and I shrugged, "I've never really known," I said.
He offered his interpretation, of course, with my permission.
He said, "The shark never got you, Thomas. It disappeared when you came out. But
what if you were a shark all along?
That hit me, like a tsunami actually. I wrote, I think it hit me like a wave.
No, a tsunami now that I recounted and share with you suddenly the fear, the anger,
the relentless pressure to survive. Maybe it wasn't some external force hunting me,
maybe it was me hunting myself, trying to find and protect my truth.
Because I listened, I really listened to his words, I felt a shift.
No longer was I just running from the sharks in my dreams, and that one day
literally running from the sharks in the ocean, I began to see that by coming out
by claiming my truth, I stopped hunting and started loving.
Isn't that beautiful? That day on the beach taught me that listening with openness
and patience can unlock the stories we tell ourselves.
It can reveal the fierce truth hidden beneath the surface. And that in turn is
where healing begins. I discovered so much about what that wasn't about by listening.
Andrew Gibson, whom I believe has become our modern -day roomie, said, "The most
powerful thing you can say to someone else is me too." And when someone offers
that, when a story lands and you hear me too, the room changes,
the not are nots loosen. That's the connective magic of listening.
Here's another glorious bit of science. I call it my science bonus for you. Deep
listening actually reduces cortisol, the stress hormone. So yes, by listening well,
you're really helping to lower someone's stress. You could
This is kind of silly, but I'm going to share it with you anyways. You could be a
walking meditation app. Imagine your bio. Hi, I'm Thomas. I lower hypertension by eye
contact and nods, not an entirely useless dating line. When I wrote that preface
line about healing through conversation, laughter, and creative absorption, I friggin'
meant it. Healing doesn't always look like tidy progress charts. Sometimes it looks
like losing yourself in an idea, being silly with someone. My husband and I do that
really, really well. Making something dumb and gorgeous and noticing, oh, my shoulders
dropped for the first time in months. And you don't have to be in the same room
to practice this. You can grow your listening muscle alone through podcasts,
audiobooks, guided meditations. I I call it listening only mode. Treat it like
airplane mode if you will for your attention. Put the phone face down, turn off the
pings, and step into one single act, listening. Give it a whirl.
Choose one episode, one chapter, one guided meditation, no multitasking,
no scrolling, No answering emails in the background. Give your ear the dignity of
full attention. Isn't that beautiful? Give your ear the dignity of full attention.
It's astonishing how powerful that is. Like giving your nervous system a tiny
vacation with very, very low expectations and confession time.
My husband actually just enlightened me to something. These podcasts, they're actually
conversations. Who knew? You, the listener, can jump in any time.
Write to me through my website, share thoughts on social, or drop comments on my
YouTube channel where the videos versions live live. You can even comment on the
platform you actually used to listen. And here I was thinking it was just me on a
monologue -infused rant. And after all, didn't I call it?
with Thomas. So yes, listen, but also show up. Tell me what landed,
what irked you, what made you coffee choco laughter. That's how this solo podcast
shapes into a community conversation. You listening is a first step.
Your voice back to me is the next. And if you want more listening that actually
transforms, here's three ideas, Three tiny moves. The first is this.
Schedule listening only blocks. 10 minutes a day, I'll hell go one minute a day to
begin with. No screens, just audio or silence. Begin to build that habit.
The second one. Create. No, I want you to curate. There we go, curate for growth.
Follow a podcast, an author, a teacher who shifts your view. "Someone outside your
usual echo chamber, small, steady discomfort, is the fertilizer for curiosity." And
the third note and reflect, "After listening," jot one sentence,
"What did I learn?
What shifted?" This tiny act of reflection turns passive intake into what I call
active growth. Let me divert here for a second and share a bit of a coaching promo
with you. If listening is one of those powerful tools for change, imagine being
heard in return given space where what you say is met with curiosity,
not rescue, and where your pauses are as important as your sentences. That's what I
do as a coach. That's what I do in my coaching practice. I listen deeply, kindly,
and it helps you hear the shape of your own life. If you're ready to be heard
into your next step, book a free discovery call at thomaskevindolan .com. I will send
no pitches. There will be no pressure. Simply a real conversation where you're the
center of attention for once.
So Listening as you're accomplice means letting a walk beside you, a steady
companion, not an obedient servant. It means creating space to be surprised,
to be moved, and to have your opinions shift without shame. It means sometimes
sitting with someone and laughing until your face hurts, and noticing that for a
while, your worries have gone in vacation. Thanks for spending time with me on
Conversations with Thomas and listening. Not just with your ears, but with your
attention, your curiosity, and no doubt, no doubt your heart. From the quiet hum of
a crowded childhood to this space of open -minded sound, it's a gift to speak. Thank
you, thank you, thank you for allowing me to speak and more importantly, it's a
gift to be heard. Conversations with Thomas is brought to you by the Thomas
Cavendolan Coaching Company, and is executive -produced with love by my husband Adam
Maw. If something here sparked insight, perhaps lifted your spirit or even brought a
smile, I'd be so grateful if you'd subscribe wherever it is that you catch podcasts.
And if you're facing a challenge or nurturing a dream and need little guidance, I'd
love to walk alongside you. Visit thomascavendolan .com To book that free discovery
call or simply send me a message and I'll get back to you until next time friend
Keep listening as your accomplice Stay curious in the silence beyond words and above
all keep choosing to listen to yourself and to others