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A health & fitness professional diagnosed with cancer, Emily Tan is out to discover how people fight their battles and thrive with resilience. Thought-provoking and raw conversations with everyone in the health and fitness industry, from practitioners to coaches, competitors to CEOs, professionals in mental to sexual health.
Tan is known for her passion for thriving. Having fought bouts of hardship in her own life, she digs deep into stories of strength, fear, and what makes people hungry for life.
Breaking barriers of small talk, no topics too taboo or risque, Emily Tan is out to seek the truth in people beyond skin-deep, learning how they find power from their struggles.
36 TM Vita Unmasking
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[00:00:00]
Emily: I wanna thank you. Thank you for coming on Tackling Minds today. My hope for the show is that if just one episode can help one person get through something challenging in life right now, this work is worth it. In today's conversation, I hope it is helpful for people in getting to know a little more about Neurodivergence.
What falls under the umbrella? Which ones do you live with, and how do you relate it to your sense of identity? You just did a TED Talk last month and people can easily Google you, but for those who like hearing from you firsthand, would you please tell us about yourself? What do you want us to know about you?
Vita: That's a really good question. Hi, my name's Vita Henderson Chan. I am a multidisciplinary artist and creative. I'm a musician. I'm professional, creative as well. I run a production company here in Hong Kong. And that's sort of boring, kind of like CV stuff. What do I want you to know about me as a person?
I'm constantly trying to improve myself and learn more and [00:01:00] experience life. In a new and tactile way. And I like to think that my best qualities are what are my best qualities? I guess my best quality is the, my resilience in, in the face of. So many different adversities and different things that have really got me down in my past and ability to kind of like get up and be like, do you know what, if other people can get through it, I can get through it.
And that's kind of the mentality I take into things. It's like, what could I do to be creative and help people?
Emily: So how did you arrive at this state? You mentioned having, you wanted to embrace life or approach life. In a more tactile way, and I find that interesting that you use that word.
Vita: So there's been like a couple of things of why I kind of wanna be more tactile with life.
The first thing was like I am actually now just over five years sober. And coming into [00:02:00] sobriety and coming into that journey with my, like mental health and dealing with disease addiction was one of these things which realized I had to be grateful every single day. Because there was times in my life before where I wasn't being grateful of the opportunities of surroundings, the wonderful people in my life.
And I think being really present and, and being, and focusing on doing and experiencing life is actually a joy and a gift. And it's, it's awesome. We should be, we should celebrate happiness and celebrate experiences on a day-to-day basis. The second thing is obviously I have a chronic illness in terms of my TAL syndrome and I spent a lot of time not being as mobile and able to do the things that I now do, and I wanna be grateful to have that mobility and that ability to do the things I wanna do.
And the third thing is I think like a mental health thing. Like I have. Before I was formally diagnosed and like rediagnosed as I would say, like gone on this like rediscovery with my neurodiversity. I was really struggling with my mental [00:03:00] health and I think like we don't always acknowledge how severe some of these mental issues can be in stopping us from living our best lives and being really present.
And I always felt previously when I was kind of going through these more extreme like. Well, I, it's mental health issues, but for me, like my mental health issues were really kind of attached to not receiving the tr the proper support that I needed to have for my neurodiversity. So it's kind of like, I wouldn't say that I have like major depressive disorder or anything like that, but I have anxiety and I have depression, which has been a, a result of not receiving the proper treatment for my different NeuroD diversities.
Like when I wasn't having the support that I needed and like getting the correct help, like it was just such a horrible place to be in and I wasn't able to live in the present moment and to experience things and to be grateful to experience things. And now this part in my journey of my life, I [00:04:00] am able to do that.
So I like to experience life in a very tactile way and be grateful and be happy and not feel shamed into like, Like hiding my emotions of joy. I just, I think it's such a silly thing that people do, like just not showing how happy and awesome that they feel, and just having to sit in a little box. Why sit in a box when you can just be kind of loving it and appearing a little bit bad sometimes?
Emily: Why sit in the box when you can be all kinds of things other than a box.
Vita: Yeah. And you can be creative. This was amazing. Amy Winehouse quote where she was like, they wanted me to be a little triangle. And I said, no, and I love that. So
Emily: you said a lot there. And I guess for anyone who's not really familiar with the term you, in their versions, maybe they are, that's probably why they click tune the episode.
But for anyone who is not, when someone asks you, do you, I, I heard you talk about Neurodivergence in your interview or in your talk. Can you tell me more about it? What would be your like sub one minute I. [00:05:00] Quick, brief.
Vita: So I would say I have a variance amongst the range of quote unquote normal. I've really like.
There's a fabulous speaker from Diverse Mind Hong Kong. She's actually a founder of Diverse Minds Hong Kong Noelle Sinclair, who she and her talk refers to neurodiversity as like a akin to biodiversity in that we need all different kinds of minds to make the world work. And I like to think of for, for me, myself, like recently and really reflecting back on that.
I think that's a really good way. I have a slightly different kind of mind to the neurotypical archetype. But it helps to make the world go around or at least I like to think
Emily: whoever's doing work in educating people, not just in a textbook manner. Cuz let's face it, that's pretty boring. Prior to interacting with other people who.
Had been honest with me about ADHD and [00:06:00] autism, I didn't know much about adhd. It wasn't until I tried to get to know that person and tried to read more about adhd. Then I realized, why does this sound like me? It's, it's one of those things like, oh, snap. Okay, now I'm truly interested, but I'm not trying to attach myself to say something I.
That falls under the category of this order. I'm not trying to do that. Just trying to understand more and understand better. So in your, I hate to use the word journey, but I guess in your process of trying to figure out maybe what's behind your self-talk, what's behind your narratives in the past that might not have been as healthy as today.
Can you talk us through that process? How deep were you in that state until you decided to, you know what this has to.
Vita: Change. So there's kind of a few different parts of this story. I was diagnosed with autism when I was actually fairly young, especially for a assigned [00:07:00] female birth person. I got my dose diagnosis when I was 11, and then it was kind of, you're just a little bit autistic, so it's not gonna really be an issue.
You're gonna have some social communication things the way you press blah, blah, blah. I was kind of ignored and then I started having a lot of different, like mental health problems as a teenager, which were clearly related to the autism. But no one seemed to like figure that out. And then it was like lots of different medications and things, and I kind of just thought, it's a misdiagnosis.
It's wrong. I must have something else. Then when I came into like my treatment center for like rehab my key worker was just like, you're clearly autistic. Like there are so many things here that line up with autism more so than like a. Potential diagnosis than bipolar. And it was kind of like in the beginning of my recovery, it was kind of taken more in like seriously and like helped in like my treatment and like care plan.
But it wasn't until I actually [00:08:00] like went to see a therapist who had autism herself and I started talking about things and saying, these are the things I'm really struggling with. These are these things. I'm on all these medications like, I'm struggling and like, I don't think I'm depressed. I'm not entirely sure.
And we worked through a lot of things together and basically found out that a lot of the kind of anxiety things were coming from masking because the way I interacted with people for the majority of my life was that I was trying to mirror and trying to be like a version of the person they wanted me to interact with.
I wanted to be better in social situations. I knew that I wasn't the best in social situations, and instead of thinking, well, here's maybe a playbook of something I can take, say 20, 30% from a kind of freestyle. The rest, it'd be like, this person needs me to say this, this, this. I need to do this, this, this.
It becomes kind of like a flow chart of how do I interact with each [00:09:00] person. And I get extremely overwhelmed. I get so burnt out with social communications and like I would to previously describe myself as a really struggling extrovert, and I just push myself and push myself and push myself to be good with groups of people.
And like now I'm don't mask as much or like I spend a lot of time unmasking and it is a big energy like. I don't wanna say an energy relief, but like it takes up a lot less of my energy to interact with people because I'm not constantly going, and if so and so does this, I need to do this and I need to do this, I need to do this, and I need to do this, and this happens and this situation.
The other thing is when you're masking like that and you're trying to do this flow chart of how to work out humanity you, you are gonna get really, really, really wrong sometimes and end up in bad situations and you just completely freak out. The other thing that happened is, so I started seeing that therapist for a bit.
She, unfortunately, she stopped being able to see me. She was having some personal things going on in her life. And I started seeing another therapist [00:10:00] who had a ADHD and autism, and really, really quickly, she kind of reflected back to me that she thought it would be really beneficial if I went to see a psychiatrist that could give me a screening for A D H D.
And I at this time was dating it. It was in a long distance relationship thing. With a guy who had a D adhd. I was like, I do not have what he has. There's no way I have it. Like he was like, He like, I like he just forgets things. He's like all this and like he's a really nice guy. I don't wanna feel like exotic, but I was just like, there's no way I could have d h adhd.
No, I've seen ADHD in person. I don't have
Emily: that. In your experience dealing with different people, be it friends, be it peers, or just, you know, casual encounters. Well including romantic relationships and that whole lot. What has come up in like key differences that you notice how you did things versus [00:11:00] how other people did things?
Whether they are considered holistic or whether they also share some form of new adult versions.
Vita: I would say in like my coping mechanisms, I really think in blocks. I think in this task is this block, this task is this block, this task is this block. I can move the blocks around, I can add in more blocks.
But if some, if I'm doing something and someone's like, oh, hey, could you just do this? It's like, no, I can't. The change in the plans or the change in the routines if I, I've planned to do something. It, I think for someone who doesn't have. The same or similar kind of neurodiversity that I have, it's quite easy for them to be more flexible with things.
But for me it, it can feel like the absolute end of the world if the plan changes or something goes wrong. I so recently on this like trip I did, I was doing some work and there was some extra things added to the brief and I had [00:12:00] to manage things and change things around, and I thought I could do that.
And then there was some additional changes that kind of came in like last minute and. It really, really, really threw me. The team I was working with just tell like I was really, really, really stressed out. I was really on the edge. My anxiety was like holding my body, like shaking, like not feeling good about it.
And it was really, really obvious. And that's because like it, because it was so last minute, it was like trying to move these blocks in my head going, but this block doesn't fit and this block doesn't fit and this block doesn't fit. And I actually got really, really sick. I was physically unwell. The day I came back I was just like, wrote off that entire day.
And that's like, that is a completely normal reaction for me of when things get too much and there is too, too many like unknown variables and changes that I can't control or react really intensely.
Emily: And on top of that, you also have to juggle masking you. You mentioned that you're, you've been in the process of unmasking, but I imagine that [00:13:00] that's not like a flip switch kind of.
Process. This is not an overnight process or is it for
Vita: you? It was, it's not, it's been like two, two and a half years. I would say that I've been unmasking maybe a little bit longer. I'd say like 20 20, 20 20 was the year that I really, really, really started unmasking, so I guess it's been like three years.
I would say that most people. Whether neurodiverse or neurotypical have some element of masking in different scenarios and situations. I don't like thinking, I feel like autistic individuals may mask a lot more than other people, and then, then maybe more severe masking, but we all have to put on this. I am this persona at work.
I am this persona. When I go and perform, I am this persona. It's just to the different extremities. And I think like a lot of people don't really understand masking. And then when I explain, Hey, you know how when you're at a work dinner, you have to pretend [00:14:00] to be this person? Now imagine that a hundred percent of your entire life.
And I think that makes it quite easy for people to understand. Oh wow, that must be exhausting. You know, one of my best friends, she said to me like, we all thought you were weird before. Like, just be weird and not so exhausted. Like we don't, when you're masking, you think you're doing such a good job and the reality is you're not like, not all the time, sometimes you're doing an okay job, but like it's kind of like you are okay if someone interacts with you for less than 20 minutes and then after 20 minutes it's like you're kind of a robot.
That's something like not quite right with you,
Emily: but what your friend said, that sounds like acceptance. Mean, how did that make you feel when someone had said something? Hey, you know, in, in essence, just be yourself. I just don't want you to be exhausted. Don't want you to be tired.
Vita: Oh, it's, I love my friends.
My friends are so, so, so supportive. Whatever I do within reasons, as long as it's not illegal, my friends will be like behind me being like, come Vida, you do [00:15:00] it. Do this, do this project. Like you can do it. We believe in you. You're so good. And, and it's just really nice to be surrounded by just really amazing, supportive individuals.
So I'm very, very lucky. A lot of my friends are also neurodiverse, which I find quite, I was
Emily: gonna ask cuz the stereotype here or what people might assume, especially when you were diagnosed at such a young age, and that's probably something that went around like teachers knew or some classmates knew, some other parents knew.
So how was that for you making friends and keeping friends over time
Vita: in school? I did not have friends in school. I was, I. Weirder and smarter and much, much, much, much louder. And well actually, like the same level of hyperactive, like I'm pretty hyperactive now. I'm one of these people that like, like jumps up in the morning and is performing until 2:00 AM and doing really different things.
Emily: Well, you are wearing like 50 hats, so I can imagine.
Vita: So different [00:16:00] things. But I was so weird. I like, I was such a weird kid, like, I feel like I'm a quirky adult, but like having this personality as a 13 year old and just being really, really, really into classical music and like Barack music and playing the organ, no, I did not have friends.
I had one friend shout out to Sophia, who recently was like, she messaged me like maybe like a year ago being like, I think I'm divorced. And I was like, knew it. But yeah, no, I just did not, the, the, the other children were just like, Nope, not you. But I was kind of okay with it. I was happy to read books and play piano and be far, far away from like other teenagers.
When I, you know, became an adult at like 18, I was hanging, even like before I was 18, I was hanging out with like adults and cool people and who were doing cool things, and it's just, it was so much, so much easier to talk to them about, like, you know, because a lot of people, if you, if you talk about something that you are really, really, really [00:17:00] passionate in, And something that you're creating and something that's kind of amalgamation of different cultural references that you're doing, they actually think, wow, that's really cool.
I'd like to learn more about it. And I think as you get a little bit older, this kind of like facade of, oh, I've gotta be with the cool kids, kind of goes away and you're just like, nah, that's cool. Tell me more about your musical cabaret, Edgar Allen po. Like eighties disco mashup. And it's like, well, cool.
Lemme talk about it. And like, you know, you just make, make friends with awesome people who wanna do awesome things. And my, my Friendship group really reflects that. Now I have people who are, you know, within my age range to people who are in their sixties, who are my friends, sixties and seventies, like whole range of ages.
And it's awesome and no one is judging each other based on what do we like, what do we don't like? Actually have friends say like around my age, you have friends who were like teen, like in their late teenage years who jazz musicians who just super, super talented musicians who like to play music and hang.
It's awesome.
Emily: [00:18:00] Yeah, that sounds like you got really lucky there. Now, I imagine not a lot of people get, get the opportunity to make friends, especially in if, especially if they feel. Hindered for friendships or relationships or even within family relationships, where in the family it's mostly holistic and maybe one, maybe heavier on the neurodivergent side, whether it's adhd, whether it's autism, whether it's something else.
How can we help the holistic ones understand this one person that they care so much about, but have no idea just how to connect with them, how to maintain intimacy or even build intimacy with them.
Vita: It's so easy to connect with someone who's neurodiverse. This is my, my whole thing. Yeah, that easy. It's so easy.
Just be like, what do you like? Tell me about it. Because if someone's like, what do you like, tell me about it. I can like talk, like always about the things that I like and just be like, this is the thing I like. I like this thing. I like this thing. I like this thing. I'm just full of information [00:19:00] and I feel like there's this fallacy that neurodiverse communication is somehow strange and obscure and weird.
And neurotypical communication is straightforward. No, sorry. Neurotypical comm makes absolutely no sense. Like, people will come up to me being like, I can't believe you said that. I'm like, well, what did I say? I said, you said that you didn't like that piece of art. It's so bitch. It was like, no. I said, I didn't like that piece of art.
I, I don't like that piece of art for this reason. I don't say that I have anything morally against the artist or whatever she's doing. I don't like this particular, how dare you? And it's like, You are putting words into my words that don't exist there. I'm saying I do not like that piece of art. It doesn't mean I think that the artist is terrible.
It doesn't mean I don't think the artist are talented. I personally do not like that piece of art. That's it. Or like when you say to, you say to someone, I don't think it's gonna work out between us romantically. Like, I'm not interested in you. And they're like pushing, but she's like, well, I've just said that.
Like, I don't think it's gonna work out between like, [00:20:00] Why are you pushing back? There's not some like secret message. I just say exactly what I think all the time and sometimes that gets me into trouble. But like most of the time it's pretty easy to communicate with me cuz I'm just saying pretty much exactly what I'm thinking all the time.
There's no like big C there's no like projected meaning there's no, like my, my brain is not nuanced enough to add in additional meaning to the words I've said. I'm just very straightforward. You know,
Emily: I asked you that question, not because I don't know, but because I'm very curious about someone else's experience.
For example, in my past relationships when I've been asked before, but why did you do that? I'm like, I, I told you why I did it. Well, what? Well, I thought you meant this one. No, when I say blue, I mean blue. I totally get what you mean. So I, you know what? I'm glad I'm not alone. And whoever's out there right now who experienced it before or experiencing this right now, You're not alone.
I have my take on. Like how can we be [00:21:00] more determined and straightforward with people who just don't seem to believe us when we say, this is exactly what I said. This is exactly what I mean. I don't mean anything else. There's no between the lines. How do you convey that? The
Vita: personal experiences? I, at a certain point, I, I just have to say there is too much energy being exerted.
This is the way that I communicate. You obviously don't communicate in this way. You should be friends with someone else. Like we should not be friends like, I have no ill will against you, but it's just not fundamentally going to work out. We do not speak the same language and like I've had to like lose.
Friends and some people who are like, I'm your diverse, I'm this and this, and then, then you get into these situations with them. I'm just like, great. You have a very different way of communicating than I do. I'm trying very, very, very hard to understand the way that you communicate. But it's not going in.
No, it will, but please leave my life please. Because it's just not gonna work out. And people get really, really, really upset when you do that. And it's like, I don't [00:22:00] hate you. There's nothing bad. It's just this is such an unnecessary like, Loop to be in of just like we're having these arguments all about communication because you wanna like add in extra meaning to the words that I'm saying, and I just say exactly what I mean, and you think I'm being blunt or rude.
My friends actually like understand and know, like I, I'd send like very, very direct texts and people being like, oh, you're stressed out. I'm like, yeah. It's like, because there's a certain point in my communication skills where it just breaks down. I'll go from like lots of emojis and smiley faces and trying very hard, and then I'll go to like, just directions as if I'm like, I'm, I'm a director, so like it does get to point where just like, blah, this, duh, this, this.
I'm like, my friend called me the other day. He was like, you're really stressed out, aren't you? And I'm like, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. And he's like, no, no, no. Just read back what you said. It's just like bullet points with like numbers and a list of directions. And I was like, oh yeah. I am very stressed out.
I'm sorry, my like, [00:23:00] capacity to like, understand and speak in words is gone. So like, bear with me, but like my friends just get it now and I'll even send like a disclaimer text that's like, I am very busy. Like the, the politeness and the emojis have gone, they will return tomorrow. Sorry, my brain is turned into music or art.
Like it's all scrambled and most people are like, yeah, I guess that. But if like the first time it happens to someone, they're like, wow, you're being called bitch. And I'm like, and this is the thing about masking is like, like, like you said, like what we're doing no extent. Like I actually do wanna communicate with my friends in ways that's like sending emojis and being nice and like doing that.
But like there's a certain point of functioning where it just goes like Bababa b bba, like, do you know what I mean? I think you know what I mean with like the d h adhd, you must also have this. It's just like, it just becomes like, do this, do this, do this, do this, do this, do this, do this, do this, this. I'm out.
Emily: You know what? What you just shared right there, I think that is helpful already because we're talking about communication there, and I don't think that is somewhat [00:24:00] exclusive to the neurodivergent community, whether you are neuro neurodivergent or not. I think that applies to just about everyone who faced struggles with communication.
And you know what? That's everyone. No one is perfect. No one is a perfect communicator here. And what you did there was you were being honest and blunt about. Well, not honest in blood. They don't need to be tied together, but you were honest about, look, when I'm stressed, this is what happens. So you give people a bit off, like expectations on how they can manage expectations as well.
Especially with anyone who have perhaps previous negative experiences with someone else where they get triggered when they receive certain types of communication styles. It's not necessarily pertaining to, let's say, you or me, but it's more like what they remember in their past and it's triggering for them, so they're just reacting out of those triggers.
Vita: I think this is one thing that like my therapist has really, really helped me with is like, I previously when before this was pointed out to [00:25:00] me, like saying that people get upset because the communication changes so abruptly. So you must send them a message to let them know why the communication has changed, but you still do care about them.
But this is, this is what's going on. And most people will have space to kind of go, oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense, you know? Okay, cool. Like, I'll give you some space around it, but if you don't tell them, and it goes from one extreme to another. It, it makes you seem like you've just turned into a very cop person and people can project meaning onto that and like, Regardless what the intention was.
If the person is feeling that way, like you've gotta take accountability and go, what can I do better next time? There is one thing, there's like one solution that I've done to this, which is pot, potentially the most stereotypically autistic thing I could have done, but I got ChatGPT. To write me my, I'm busy message and like I value your communication.
Like I can't be bothered to communicate this. People are like, what? What a lovely message. I'm like, it
just reminds you of the Southpark episode that y'all [00:26:00] watch it. Yeah, you gotta watch it. I was just like sitting there being like, this is like absolute meta autism and I was just like, Vida, you must be stopped. But when I have hung out of words, ChatGPT, and other. Used to
Emily: happening. I mean, all of this comes from place of love.
You obviously also had to go through a process of developing that appreciation and love for yourself to, to even go through the process of unmasking. Cuz even that process of change that takes effort, whether we're dealing with your diversions or not, it's just humanely speaking. When we tell ourselves to stop doing what you've done for so long, for whatever reason that is.
That requires effort, that requires energy, that requires some form of mental process. What was that aha moment for you?
Vita: Just how stressed I was getting. Like when I started unmasking it was really kind of like in Covid, and I think Covid really taught a lot of people. Like, I think everyone kind of [00:27:00] learned a, some form of lesson or some kind of growth experience during Covid.
There was like a big personal realization of rationalization, and my rationalization was that I cannot control. Thanks. The concept of control is ridiculous because I can't, like, I can't, like, I am not able to control what's happening in terms of the laws in different countries and mask wearing and like specifically like my job, there was lots of things about like how many people are allowed in a space at one time.
I can't control the laws on live music. I can't control, you know, when there was gonna be like flight restrictions lifted and everything, and I kept making plans that were conditional on things that could potentially happen, and then when the things that could potentially happen didn't happen, I'd get very, very upset and it was just this kind of like loop.
I realized like that was because I'm like so [00:28:00] obsessed with plans and routines. It's like I had to like find someone to work on this with and like I tried working with therapists who didn't have autism and she was a great therapist for many other different things. But for, for me, she was not the right person cuz she didn't understand how ingrained and like how soothing the act of planning something and having a routine was.
So I found a therapist who had autism and there was just like this click where she just started saying things where I was like, You get it. Oh my gosh. And that was like a, such a big change in a shift. And I, I came into that like therapy ton for that reason. And she was someone who was like, let's try unmasking, let's talk about masking.
Let's like look at what are the behaviors of why do you do this? And it came down to this thing that was like, I'm still like a really hurt little child that was like, nobody likes me. I'm too weird. I've got all of these problems with me and I have to pretend to be this kind of person cuz they don't fit in.[00:29:00]
And it was just like being able to remove that and being like, is that actually something that's going on or is that a narrative that I've been holding onto since childhood and projecting onto every single situation since then? I see it a lot in my autistic Afab friends where it's like, I'm too weird to have a boyfriend and I girls don't like me, and all these things, and it's these narratives which we have learned as children.
And they were very, very, I'm not, I'm not trying to say that like these weren't real experiences that we experience. They were very real experiences as children, as adults. It's like, is this thing actually happening? No, like in my case, no. I'm sure in other people's cases there's different degrees of is this thing actually happening?
But for my case, it wasn't happening. But I was projecting the same experiences that I was having in my childhood onto every experience that I was like, every woman I met was very well, she wouldn't like me because the girls didn't like me when I was growing up. Like, and it's just, Absolute like [00:30:00] nonsense, but we're so holding onto these things and like cannot let go of like what's happened in our past.
And then when we begin to let go and realize that, Maybe people have more compassion and maybe people are gonna understand neurodiversity, whether it's autism, whether it's d, adhd, whether it's Tourette, whatever it is. If you explain it and communicate and honor people with and, and honor people and respect people to think that maybe people are capable of loving you and being interested in you and finding you cool and fun and like valuing what you do.
And that was the thing is like, When I was going in my masking, I was just assuming that there was something wrong with me and there was something right with everybody else. And what everybody else was doing was right and I need to fit in. And actually, like there's no such thing as everybody else.
Everyone's different and sure there's neuro neurotypical and neurodiverse and some people like to like separate [00:31:00] whatever. It's just, it's just different ways of thinking. It's not that one's right and one's wrong, it's just different. Like even in neurotypicals, there's like a wide range of how people think and interact with the world.
If we can tell each other how we communicate and people can be receptive to that, like I have neurotypical friends who understand some things are gonna go over my head and go, Hmm, shouldn't say that's Vida should do it this way. And then, you know, when I'm being like really direct and blunt, I go, oh sh shit.
Like so-and-so's neurotypical and I'm really busy. I just send them the message. Done. Like that's it. We don't, we don't need to like make all these excuses or like say these people are bad and these people are good. It's just like we just need to work out how to communicate with each other. And if we can't communicate, if there's so much like animosity or like drama happening, just going cool.
Can't communicate with you, find someone else to be friends with. Done drama ended,
Emily: we can stop taking things So personally, Let's take dogs for example. I'm not, I'm not [00:32:00] obviously comparing this. I just have a dog and right now we're going through puppy training school and assistant dog training school.
So it's half of my brain is consumed by all this stuff. We were taught that different dogs have different personalities. Obviously, if this dog is not food motivated, you're not gonna be using food to motivate and teach this dog. You'll probably be using, using something else, whatever it is. Whatever their love language is, whatever their preferred language is, however they interpret and receive information.
Now if we can borrow the same concept to humans, it's not to say that the way you communicate is largely like your identity and that's how you communicate with everybody. If you speak English to everybody and you go around the world to places where people don't speak English, you're not gonna get anywhere.
What I'm hearing you say is if we could just dial back on the labels and use labels as a tool, that's helpful in terms of identifying, ah, this is how she would be. Receiving his information best or this is how he would receive information best. Ultimately, we all want to be happy. We all want to conserve our energy.
We want [00:33:00] to walk away smiling and not necessarily tap into anger of fear, frustration. If that collective objective and goal, why not? We're nearing the end of this episode. What are you tackling right
Vita: now? My current big thing I'm tackling is like scheduling. So I kind of assume that I can do too much and I forget that I'm human.
Which it sounds like a terrible It is. It is pretty. You mean you're not a unicorn? I'm not a unicorns, everything. No. It's just like I, I, I sometimes forget that I, I need to take breaks. So like I was in Bali, I was on a production making some content, shout out to the aficionado. We did some awesome video production days.
Took a lot of awesome footage that's being turned into kind of promotional films, social media material really, really cool stuff. And like, got to shoot in loads of awesome venues [00:34:00] in Jakarta and Bali. But then jumping back, I booked, like, I think I've had four or five gigs since I've been back.
I've only been back for a few days. There was one day I had three gigs and just being like, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. And actually realizing yeah, no, I need to have a bit more break. It's not that I, I can't do everything. I can do everything I want to do.
I just need to be more realistic in the timeframes. I'm doing things in. One of the things about. I thinking in blocks is I'm like, in theory someone can do this. I've worked out how you would be able to do it. Then I actually forget. I am not a machine or a group of people. I am one person and I am fallible and I have to rest and take breaks and sleep.
Just kind of assume I'm a machine. If I'm not stopped, I will just kind of smash my way through things at the moment like. I'm a musician. I'm also doing a lot of the public speaking and [00:35:00] awareness and advocacy. I'm doing this amazing podcast with Moy Thomas called Are We Functioning Highly, which is awesome.
I'm curating art shows. I'm doing digital art. I'm doing different things within Web three. I'm doing the branding, I'm doing film production. I'm doing, it's just like after one after another and, you know, lots of different accessible luxury brands I'm working with at the moment. And doing the like social media content and the different forms of production, and then there's branding projects, and then there's website projects.
Yeah, in theory, like someone should be able to do this, but in actuality, if you take into consideration that that person is a human, it can be extremely exhausting. In theory, I should be able to jump between all of these things, but in actuality, my brain needs a little bit of a time to adjust and that's been the thing that I'm struggling with is how do I.
How do I work out? Actually, that's, that's such a, how do you be human? How do I work out how to be a human?
Emily: How to manage his brain, who [00:36:00] is like full on ai, Android, but dealing with a human body.
Vita: Yes. I love that Janelle Monnet album actually. Her whole, like whole thing about Androids. I love her. She's amazing.
But yeah, so that's the thing is like remembering that I'm human and staying really focused in being kind to myself and not pushing myself too, too hard.
Emily: When we tackle things, usually, hopefully what's helpful is if we have something, a reminder or maybe a mantra or a quote, that's something that anchors this, something that brings you back into the moment of, hang on, health is important to me.
What is that phrase for you that brings you back into that moment of prioritizing
Vita: your needs? You are who you are. And who you are is enough. I love that one. What's your mantra Recently,
Emily: this float back into my life. I have no idea why I forgot it or stopped thinking about it. And that is get busy [00:37:00] living.
Or get busy dying. It's a quote from Shawshank Redemption. Thanks to my dear friend Fraser quote, who brought it to my attention a few years ago. Vida, we have come to the end of this episode and we are gonna be recording another episode where we dive deeper into the chronic disease that you are also tackling and battling for majority, and if not most of your life.
So thank you, Vita, for today. I appreciate everything that you're doing.
Vita: Nice. Thank you so much, Emily, for being wonderful host.