Embracing Detachment with Self-Compassion (S15E3)

Show Notes

Tap to send me your reflections ♡

This episode is about the paradox of embracing detachment (I love a paradox!)

Join me on a reflective journey exploring the transformative practices of detachment and self-compassion. I'll share what inspired this episode, diving into the intentional act of releasing - creating meaningful space around our behaviours and beliefs. And we'll touch on how moving away from a fear-based mindset and embracing flow and surrender can lead to healthier, more fulfilling ways of living. 

With loving detachment, we can let go of our relentless need to control, extending this practice to both external situations and our inner world. 

This active state of awareness invites us to address what genuinely needs our attention without falling into automatic, triggered responses. It's about embracing life’s moments without judgment or force. I close with a heartfelt message, sending you a virtual hug and wave. 

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What is the Henny Flynn podcast?

A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.

Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.

If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.

Speaker 1: This may end up being
one of those shorter episodes.

Today it's just me, no guest.

I'd like to share some
reflections about the concept of

detachment.

Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening

self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.

I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our

inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all

founded on a bedrock of
self-love.

Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you.

Episode takes you, and we may
well touch on the concept of

clinging to, but I'd like to
focus more on that intentional

act of releasing, of letting
things be, and I'm very

mindfully using that phrase
rather than letting things go.

I think sometimes, when we feel
into this need that we have to

detach, to create some space
around us, around us we can get

lost in the idea of what letting
things go might mean.

It can take us into a
fear-based place, maybe a fear

that we're going to enough if we
let something go or let someone

go, and so I prefer to use the
phrase let things be.

And I also prefer it because,
in many ways, when we're

thinking of releasing a behavior
or a belief that no longer

serves us, or an old thought
pattern or something systemic

from our family line, a way that
our family tends to do things,

think about things, feel about
things, do things, think about

things, feel about things.

Then, those old patterns, those
old ways of thinking, old ways

of feeling, in my opinion, you
know, pole of one.

My sense is that they never
really disappear, which doesn't

mean that we can't learn to move
forward from them or manage

them or settle them in some way.

But the very concept of the
word trigger is something

arising out of the blue,
unexpectedly, in response to

something else that happens, in
response to something else that

happens.

And if we think more about this
phrase of letting things be

rather than letting things go,
it almost softens us into the

potential that a trigger might
occur, something might suddenly

arise, we might suddenly find
ourselves re-entering an old

pattern, an old way of thinking,
an old way of feeling, an old

way of doing, and and kind of
giving ourselves the space for

that and accepting that's part
of our humanness and accepting

that we can move forward from
that too.

And of course you know, if
you've been part of this

beautiful community of podcast
listeners here for a while, then

you'll know that for me,
compassion is really the most

fundamental stance that we need
to take in all things and, I

think, particularly when things
are feeling tender or

complicated in some way.

So this idea of detachment,
it's been showing up in a number

of client conversations
recently and so I'm noticing

that and I am responding to it
because maybe it's showing up,

because, you know, in some
universal energetic pattern or a

little wavelength of energy
that's going through us.

Maybe it's something that's
useful for many more of us to

consider this idea of detachment
.

And I think so often the reason
why we don't, the reason why we

cling to people, places,
practices, ideas, is that we are

seeking some sense of control.

But, as Tara Brack often talks
about, you know, this is an

illusion, the illusion of
control.

We all know deep in our hearts,
deep in our most rational way

of thinking, that control is
something that is tenuous at

best and a far more useful way
of being in the world is flow,

um, allowing, um, oh, what's his
name?

Michael, uh, someone remind me,
someone in my head remind me.

Uh, the author of the surrender
experiment.

Um and um.

You know, when we think about
this idea of surrender and

letting things be, letting
things flow, we understand that

it is so much healthier for our
whole system to be in that place

rather than in that illusion of
control.

So part of this work generally
I mean work with a big, massive

capital W is to notice what's
coming up for us.

So, as I say, I'm noticing this
idea of detachment and I've

been reflecting on it myself as
well, like how, why is this

coming up for me, not just for
the people that I work with?

Because when I see a pattern to
something coming up in client

conversations, often, always
there is something in there that

is really resonant for me
personally.

And you know and I've talked
before about how I learned

something from every single
person that I work with I mean,

without fail, I learned
something really important, and

so it's a, it's a beautiful
reciprocal process that we go

through.

Um, so this morning I drew an
angel card.

I've been returning to my
meditation practice, to my much

more consistent meditation
practice and, with that, a much

more consistent journaling
practice as well.

Um, journaling is something
that I I do a lot, but it had

become a bit more ad hoc, and so
I'm really glad that I've sort

of recreated, reestablished a
pattern of getting up before

Anton, coming to the stable,
sitting in front of my shrine,

meditating and then journaling,
and I have returned right back

to a practice that first helped
me a few years ago, when I first

started really establishing
these practices, and it was to

draw an angel card.

The ones that I have are the
ones by Diane Cooper, and

they're a set that I had at
university and then rediscovered

sitting on a shelf, so they'd
been there all the time and,

yeah, and they're just a
beautiful thing.

So the card that I drew this
morning was, of course,

detachment, and I'd love to read
it to you, and what it says is

according to spiritual law, you
can have anything your heart

desires.

However, your happiness, sense
of security or feeling of power

depends on someone or something
in your life.

Then you are attached to that
person or thing, and it is a

chain which binds you to a lower
frequency and keeps you stuck.

Your guidance is to ask the
angels to help you cut the cords

that tie you to people, things
and emotions.

When all attachments are
released, you can no longer be

manipulated emotionally.

This enables you to reclaim
your power and be genuine, free.

Your spirit and that of others
let go now, and there's an

affirmation that comes with this
I release everyone and

everything.

My spirit is free.

Now you might want to listen
back to that and if you're

anything like me, there may be
some aspects of it which jarred

a little bit.

Something about this idea of
you know, when we're attached,

we're bound to a low, lower
frequency and it keeps us stuck.

I think the other part that
also sort of pulls me up short

is this idea of cutting the
cords that tie me to people,

things and emotions.

But when we soften into those
words, when we really listen to

the deeper meaning within them,
then we can see that this isn't

about isolating ourselves or
rejecting anyone or anything

else.

It's actually about
establishing our boundaries, our

energetic boundaries around us
and no longer being so dependent

upon an other, whatever that
other might be, for our

well-being, our happiness, our
joy.

And it's about really standing
very securely in our own space

and from there being able to
fully love both ourself and

everyone and everything around
us, and I think the line about

free your spirit and that of
others is very resonant here.

There was something else that
came up today, which was again

another pointer that maybe this
was a good topic to discuss or

to explore, to meander through.

Maybe was a quote from Brené
Brown, where she writes that the

opposite of belonging is
fitting in.

I really love this.

I love how succinct it is.

It reminds me a little of the
everyday compassion emails that

I send out, these tiny drops of
of reflection that can help us

shape our day in a more
compassionate way and and this

line from Brene is it kind of
feels very um resonant with

those um, the opposite of
belonging is fitting in and and

I think this relates to this
idea of detachment, because if

we're so focused on our need to
fit in and it can be such a

human desire to do that because
we want to survive, we want to

be accepted by the group we're
taught it from a very, very

young age.

In our culture, our community,
our religion, our family system.

We're taught this is how you
fit in and and it can feel like

the opposite of belonging.

I meet so many people who have a
sense that they don't really

know where their place in the
world is, even though they come

from a loving family and they've
got a good friendship group and

all of those things, but there
isn't that deeper sense of

belonging.

And when we listen to any
teacher like Ram Dass or or any

of the, you know the great
teachers who help us sink a

little bit deeper into what our
own truth is.

Often our real sense of
belonging is when we have come

home to ourselves, and for me, I
think that's part of what

detachment enables us to do to
create this sense of

spaciousness around us.

To create this sense of
spaciousness around us where our

energy isn't attached to any
other, one person or one place

or one belief system, and we're
more able to stand really fully

in the space that we're all
granted in this world.

The moment we're born, we're
given this beautiful space to

inhabit world.

The moment we're born, we're
given this beautiful space to

inhabit and many of us.

It can take a long time, maybe
lifetimes, to understand the

size, the scope, the breadth and
depth of the space we actually

have that we can live into.

There were some other thoughts
that I had, but I'm kind of

really feeling like the need
just to end here.

This is an art of detachment in
itself, isn't it?

I've got a few little bullet
points on my screen in front of

me as I'm talking to you and
actually I'm going to let those

go.

I'm going to let those go and,
or rather let them be and maybe

they'll turn up in another
episode, somewhere down the line

, in fact I'm almost certain
they will actually, but I think

the other, the one last sort of
thought that I had that I'd like

to share is that sometimes it
can be really useful to have a

cue, maybe a word, maybe an
image, maybe a physical movement

, something that helps us notice
and remember when we are in

that place of clinging and where
detaching could perhaps better

serve us and those that we're
with.

And I say again, this isn't
about isolating or separating,

it's about really being able to
let someone else be fully

themselves and to let ourselves
be fully our self.

And for me, a word here that I
find really useful I think I've

already mentioned it on this
episode is the word allow To

allow.

You know, when I breathe into
that word, my body settles.

I invite you to say it out loud
, maybe now, if that's available

to you, wherever you are, just
to really sink into what it

means to allow.

And when we allow, we lose our
desire to control, to make

things the way that we have
decided, perceived, imagined

that they must, ought or should
be, and we let them be.

And that sense of allowing is
something that resonates both in

the concept of stuff that
happens around us but also

within us.

Allow without judgment.

Without judgment, without
trying to force or change or

control, but allowing.

And I say here as well that
this isn't a passive state, this

is active in action, this is
giving ourselves a pause, a

breath to see what is really
needing our attention right now,

rather than just responding to
that triggered response that we

might have learned somewhere in
the history of our life.

So my darling, oh gosh, really
enjoyed that.

Um, hope you did too, and I am
sending you a hug and a wave.

Thank you, thank you.