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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over:
Speaker 2:Welcome to the System Speak Podcast,
Speaker 3:a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Well, we move a lot of times. Yeah. For safety, Sometimes if moving is hard, wear you out, make you feel sad, and, also, pretty good be alive, pretty good be safe, and I got friends. Right now, I'm at the beach walking on the sand and the rocks and the shells. So my friends are the birds and the trees and the tiniest little crabs that ever did bite your toes.
Speaker 2:The salmon babies. The sunshine. That bald eagle watching like a lifeguard, make sure my kids don't drown them outside kids. Also, I like the bagels. I'm I'm not getting one today, but I would like one.
Speaker 2:My men's side folks wanna keep working so I can get bagel. I'm a accept that. And we got a new Pinero, and reeling. I'll tune up and everything. And I can see the mountains.
Speaker 2:Even with the sun on my skin, they still got snow up top. And I know what's it like to drive through
Speaker 4:that, and
Speaker 2:I know what's on the other side of that. And kids, they they feel happy, so that makes it easier for for us to feel happy. And we're going to therapy again where we can talk about some things, And I just wonder what's like if everybody else also doing some therapy and talking about things. We got some community plans for surprises for get our community back. Get back in there with friends because I didn't choose choose myself for playing, spending my time, Being safe, being free.
Speaker 2:It's all I could be just being me. Being me. I can pass any test because I'm giving my best just be in me. Just be in me. There's a million color rocks here, and I just I just love them.
Speaker 2:Just now that dog come up and smell me. That'd be really rude if he weren't no dog. But in dog world, it ain't rude. Dog world is just normal. I know about how I feel for talking about my thoughts and feelings now.
Speaker 2:She's very nice. That therapist now. Good at listening. Not mad if I if I don't wanna say nothing or that don't got no words. Not very pushy.
Speaker 2:Everybody give me lots of space. Lots of time for healing. They sense of time right now, and everybody just leaving me be, letting me take my time at it. Except for them crabs, they just crawl up my toes with their little pinchers. I said, excuse me.
Speaker 2:I'm not bothering you. I think my favorite part of here is the fresh air. Sometimes it rains, but not like Oklahoma blow you away. Just gentle, like a hug or a blanket. That's what we decided.
Speaker 2:Most days, the sun come out sometime, and I'm like, that's when I'm gonna go outside. But even even if even
Speaker 4:if the
Speaker 2:sun not out, then still, we can go out on the stage. That's what they call it. Like, patio, but it's a different feeling. But it's not a it's not a it's not a word. It's a black word.
Speaker 2:What is it? But it's covered up, so we put the yoga mat there and then do masks mat there. So every day, we can go out and do our stretching outside. If it's rain or shine because it's all covered, but all the fresh air in my lungs heal me all the way up to therapy. That's why.
Speaker 2:I don't know how you all feel about fresh airs. I got so many rocks in my pockets. My pants might fall off. Just feeling good for going on walks at the beach all the time while the kids go crabbing. Crabby kids.
Speaker 2:Me crabbing games. They don't hurt the crabs. They just play with them or learning their names. We're very polite about it. Playing that close to the ocean.
Speaker 2:The bay that goes to the oceans. Lots of choices. A lot of choices as it turns out. My therapist said, how do you feel in your body? And I said, well, by trying to settle down.
Speaker 2:Trying to settle down is just very, very tense of it for too many days and months. Now just settle down a bit. I've taken a lot of time and a lot of walks, I love fresh airs. I love stretching. I love eating vegetables.
Speaker 2:Just calm down a bit. Love looking at mountains. Love walking in a forest. My therapist said take my shoes off there, but I'm from Oklahoma and got chiggers, but she said they're not chiggers here. She never met these crabs.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna call them chigger crabs. And, really, really, I think I think we can go through a lot of hard times. We have a lot of sad, a lot of scared, a lot of disappointment, a lot of confusion, a lot of being in trouble. It'd take you a while to shake that off. I I'm I'm I'm struggling.
Speaker 2:Trouble trouble with shaking it off. I ain't seen it, but I can't do it.
Speaker 4:I don't know about you.
Speaker 2:Then every Friday, we walk through the bookstore or the finals Floor or the library or the river.
Speaker 4:Hey, mom. I
Speaker 1:know. Right? I got a lot of showering to do when I get home. Maybe big bath.
Speaker 2:Do you have fun?
Speaker 4:Honey, not
Speaker 1:you. Do
Speaker 2:you have fun?
Speaker 1:Yeah. Stay weird. Mama, do I have time to come back out again? Yeah. Good.
Speaker 1:Alright. I'll check if we
Speaker 2:can come back down again if you want.
Speaker 4:Oh, I need a hose, boy. I need a whole
Speaker 2:Do you like it?
Speaker 4:When we get home, am I gonna have a bath? Mhmm. Downstairs or upstairs?
Speaker 2:I love the beach.
Speaker 4:This is my happy place. Except, like,
Speaker 2:Mary knows this. When I see a bug crawling on me like it was, I was like
Speaker 4:We tried to find clothes, but then we realized that the clams here are too small to make clothes. They're, like, really small, so they wouldn't be big enough to make clothes.
Speaker 2:I'm looking for a blue rock. Blue rock. I'll help you.
Speaker 4:I mean, I even have the blue dolphins.
Speaker 2:I feel like getting safe and having fresh air bringing us all back to life after all these hard things my therapist says hard things doesn't have to be our baseline My therapist says hard things aren't always gonna happen at us. Maybe things are getting better.
Speaker 4:Trying to believe it.
Speaker 2:I'm trying.
Speaker 4:Up green rock. It's definitely something I'm keeping. It's beautiful.
Speaker 2:One that's blue or then just gray. I think I got all the other colors. I wanna make a rainbow of rocks from here, but I'm looking for blue. I even have purple.
Speaker 4:So Korean makes on three purple shelves, and then I'm gonna, like, still folding them. And then if doing Korean, can I think the point all the way are controlled off, but then they have to just come all the
Speaker 2:way back out? Hold on. Yeah. They're not making a lot of sense with that.
Speaker 4:Was like, you guys have to come back. They're gonna get dirty, and they're like, oh, we know that. And I'm like, so my brother will clean you off.
Speaker 2:Are you guys done? Are you one please.
Speaker 4:They're hanging beside me with that.
Speaker 2:Let's go.
Speaker 4:I think we should get off the eagle. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before, not like this.