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This week the guys put on their adult sized bibs and diapers and rank the top five foods of all time including a rice controversy, ground breaking fruit and death by peanut.
Creators & Guests
Producer
Stien Huizenga
Stien, not known for his luscious locks, is the brains behind the operation. What is the operation? We don't know but he's good at looking busy.
What is Mates and Takes?
Three mates Liam, Oliver and occasionally Cam fight passionately across a variety of categories spanning human history, pop culture and the natural world.
Kia Ora . And welcome back into another episode of two mates, five tanks, a podcast where we rank our top fives in any given category or topic each week, uh, basically ranking things that shouldn't even be ranked. I am one night Oliver, and as always, I'm joined by camels the other mate. And, um, let's just start it off with a quick question for all of us.
What are you grateful for today? So cam does this every time. Now he's buying time, which is this kind of ambush tactic he's stolen. And it really rattles me, man. This is only episode three. I was describing it before we can't really walk and talk at the same time. Let me ask you a different question. What are you grateful?
I'm grateful for being here in this room with you. Oh, that's nice. Nice and warm. I just noticed you've got your hood up. Yeah. With the headphones over the hood. Yeah. Okay. I'm worried the beautiful people. Aren't going to be able to see your face. That's okay. They can see my beautiful hood and my beautiful headphones can see a little lips.
I'm grateful for you and for all of the light that you bring into the world and Alvin the chipmunks. That's beautiful. Thanks. And that's a great way to start this episode off. Yeah. Um, yeah. So if you're new to the show, we just give out top fives. We have a new topic each week and this week is food, food.
Yum. I've eaten it. I've had a few, I've had a few foods. Yeah. It's food right now. That's a microphone. Don't eat that. That would be very bad. And we'd have to hear you chewing and cycling. Yeah. The microphone. This doesn't need to be an hour long SMR. Um, but it could be. Play cards, right. Tune in for next week.
Yeah. Anyway, um, did you have like a definition of what food is or criteria or anything like that? Yeah, I've got a definition, uh, which I Googled and it is any nutritionist, any nutritious substance that people animals drink or ate, or that plants absorb in order to maintain life and growth. Oh, so drink as well.
So I could drink, nah, like I haven't put any drinks on, well, I kind of, wow. We'll say so that's your criteria. Okay. Uh, that's not my criteria that's definition. Um, and I like to think of it as you can't drink it, but you could slip it. So maybe smoothies and soups are in the mix, smoothies and soups. Yeah.
Yeah. I suppose the challenge with a category like food in order to rank is trying not to be too ship subject of Ingo, just based on your own experience and taste palette. So we kind of need to break it down further. So for me, my criteria. And this is an order taste, nutritional value, mouthfeel smell, context effects slash unique attributes.
Like for example, when you eat asparagus, your pay smells. Ah, okay. So you go, okay. That's an interesting one. So my criteria is quite similar to seals foods or things you put in your mouth to be chewed or slurped. I have put his specifically drinks and not food, things that are also not food, bicycles stickers and Joe Biden socks, and my scaling criteria involved.
The Dr. Kam Olson, trifecta deluxe, super grading system patent pending, which considers these following aspects, lethality, versatility, accessibility, utility. And if it's yummy, I love that. So yeah, my three, um, grading systems that five points patent. I'm really excited. So will you give, will you give a school for each food that you push out?
Well, I'm glad you asked. Yes, absolutely. Wow. Got my rating system. We'll try it and try it. Let's just go ahead and jump in and you can start us off jumping into the deep end with peanuts, extremely lethal, uh, peanut butter allergists. I don't have too much time for them. So people who are allergic to peanuts, uh, peanuts, um, and here is why they, in my experience, do you know anyone?
Who's got a peanut allergy? Uh, not personally, but sorry. What, why do we care? Like why is it a good thing that it's lethal to some people, uh, it makes it Cola. You know what I mean? No, you don't reckon. No. Okay. Because like he had, for example, like a sodas code, because it can kill people, but it's designed to kill people.
Food is not designed to kill. Yeah. But if you put like a nice little stone on the base of the sword, that's not killing. Anyone will be like Masco. That's a little extra possess. It's a little extra credit for the food. Anyway, this is tried and tested and I had lethality back there and you went beautiful.
So now I'm opening with something like least, uh, barely. I barely even registered the lethality. Cause did you say accessibility as well? Yeah. Wow. Okay. I don't even, yeah. Keep going. You know what that means, right? I do. Yeah. I just don't know the ability to be accessed. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And you know, at least ality is absolutely the ability to be lethal.
Yeah. Peanuts, Aleve. To people who are allergic to peanuts. I don't like people who are allergic to peanuts, generally speaking, most of them don't have a tan and most of them are the kind of people that drink sparkling water when they feel that. Yeah. Crazy. Can I just ask, do you go out and try to buy the car with the lowest safety rating without airbags?
Like, is that kind of cold, like a car that might just like implode a few, hit something at 50 Ks. Okay. Let me answer your question with a question. Would you, if I was driving the car, wear a seatbelt or I, you, my ride or die? Yeah. I'm wearing a seatbelt. Pathetic loyalty is data in this world. Um, so I've got other reasons I would hope so combined with chocolate.
It makes the perfect dad treat the perfect, uh, the peanut slab and combined with oil. They make the perfect kid treat peanut butter. So you get all across the spectrum. You don't get any perfect mum treats that I could think of. Um, perhaps a peanut satay, not too sure. And, uh, they also have fought to the top of the nut family.
Which is not really a small fate, because it has been now other contenders to be the prime nut. Um, I can list some if you'd like, or are you aware of the nut family more than nuts? That's fine. Macadamia Hayes? No, not, no. I know. I know. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. No, I know, I know that the other nuts, uh, but I think pain, I think pain is maybe on top, just based on like cheapness.
So here's what, why peanuts on top because of its lethality, versatility, accessibility, utility, and it's yummy. Also elephants like him. That's pretty cool. I was at a bar the other day and they brought us a bowl of unsheltered peanuts. And I was like, what, what am I I supposed to do with these Sheldon myself?
It's a lot of effort. It was like unsalted. I assume so they may be salted the shells, but I'm not eating that part. Jecting the salt into the shell, just for a little bit of timing. Um, so do you want to hear my score for it? Sure. Lethality five stars, obviously versatility, four stars, accessibility, four stars, utility, four stars, yummy factor four stars, pretty high up.
It's a deserving number five. It's hard to see how you even go up from there with school. Is that hard? You would think so. But I do, but I do. I'm bummed out that I don't have a star rating system. Now, some people care about this and some people it's a hobby. I feel like it gives you a ones far more legitimacy than I've got going on.
Yeah, exactly. Damn. So what's your, uh, do you have any pushback on that? Do you think that is a worthy number five? My pushback in terms of lethality, I don't think that should be celebrated when it comes to foods that are supposed to provide you with nutrients and keep you alive. It's literally the opposite of that.
Food is kind of useful, but it's like David Bowie, Andy will hold their subs, birding the trope, you know? So like food usually keeps you alive and like, yo mother fucker, I'm a kill you too. Arcus sick sec. I'm glad that a nuts made it onto the less, because I don't have any nuts on mine. Pause. Uh, what's your number five then?
My number five is Weet-Bix. So it's just straight up neutral. I don't think it's good for you overly good for you. And it's not bad for you either. It's just right. Bang in the middle, which, um, I kind of liked because it is this perfect blank canvas. So if you're having Weet-Bix very rarely, are you just having a bio south or if you are, you're like a psycho.
Um, having a bio sound. So you have to have weight books with friends and family around you. Yeah. Perfectly. You kind of have it on your own. And then the Weet-Bix itself. You need, uh, other ingredients to kind of, uh, Chuck in the mix, but there's such a wide variety with Weet-Bix that can go with fresh fruit.
It can go with honey and go with Milo sugar. Um, you can Chuck in some yogurt there, get other grains. You could put peanut butter on there. I don't think it would clash too hard. Wheat picks is just super versatile in that respect. You can have it hot or cold. Um, and that means you can have it in the mornings for breakfast, or you could have it at night right before you go to bed.
Um, and here's a question. Okay. Have you had hot Weet-Bix before? Here's an answer. Yes. Now, do you hate the milk first and pour it over or do you pour the milk onto the wheat books and then microwave I've never heard the second one ever in my life. Now there's another, there's another method here, which my grandmother would do, who her taste buds are just being decimated by the war or whatever.
I don't know, whatever my taste buds get ruined by. Uh, but she would just boil a jug of water. That's how she attains the heat. And then she just pours milk over it, like normal milk. So it boils the water that makes the whole bowl really hot. Pause the boiling water obviously, and then add milk to it. Kind of like an instant coffee.
Yeah. I also have heard of that one, but it sucks, but yeah, I'm glad you went with option a heat, the milk slowly. Yeah. Heat, the milk heat, the milk in a sauce pan. Not in the microwave. Take some time, bro. If you're going to have Weet-Bix they're so boring, you might as well make a little bit of pizzazz to it, you know, add a little bitter.
Nope. It is Shanice Iqua. Yeah. And I'll absolutely agree boring, but perhaps that's, that gives it. It's kind of, I noticed you like untapped potential and all of your options all weeks, you have mentioned something that versatility is its biggest utility. Um, probably because you don't have a scale like mine, but uh, Weet-Bix to me.
So I, I came out of the gate with something that can kill people. And you came out of the gate with something that doesn't kill. People, keeps them alive. Don't worry. The rest of my assesses and top five weapons guys. This isn't top five ways to kill your grandma. No, I know that's age and time, but, uh, and like just progressive ness, less, right.
And like a little nudge down the stairs. Yeah. My grandma had like a massive bruise on her arm and I was like, what's that from her? She was like the wind. That's a bad day. She's like, I fought it. No, no. Oh, she's the older arm down by her anus. When she, me, she was getting like going to get up and she fought it on.
Um, and it like broke the skin and then she lied to me and said it was just weather anyway. Um, I've yeah. I've just noticed that you like just, um, clay, you like things that can be molded into other things. I think versatility is something to always apply to these top five lists in terms of value. So yeah, I always want to give it a shot.
The last thing I'll have on Weet-Bix is it's one of the riff foods that comes with trading cards. Oh, true. So you get the old blacks collectible cards. I haven't got any this year. But I will note that all blacks cards have gone way down recently. I think back in like 20 16, 17, they were like kind of proper graphic.
Yeah. Yeah. They were kind of like scratchy the surface of them. They were quite cool. Um, last couple of years, just straight up, cardboard struck down a bit, hasn't it. But maybe that's true. You're confusing. The Weet-Bix with the cards. That's just straight up cardboard. And also, have you ever seen on the back of the weight bags packets, I'm assuming you have the, all of the varieties that they suggest and one of them includes mom ice and avocado.
I might have to give it away. Okay. Versatility, man. My God. Yeah. I suppose. Well, that's my number five. Good for you. Well, I'm glad that we both don't agree with on number five was up after peanuts. And is this one going to kill you as well? Uh, some people and there is a mischief element to it because remember lethality is part of my grading system now.
Have you heard of it? Yep. Yellow curvy fruit. Okay. Comes with biodegradable lunchbox. Massive upside biodegradable way ahead of its time. Everyone out here like bees wet traps. I'm like banana peels, bro. Could you argue that almost every fruit has that not an apple. Yup. What was it? An apple does it, you don't have to wrap it in.
Anything comes in its own little skin, but you put it in your lunchbox. You don't have to put it in your bag. Well, I guess lucky. Oh dog, any apples. Aren't just mandarins peaches, raw dog with fruits. Uh, but okay. Fun. I guess. Lucky I've got other points. It's got the versatility to go into cake banana cake.
If you haven't heard of that and smoothies, banana smoothies, if you haven't heard of that. Um, which I think is nice because it kind of exists. I don't have a nutritious aspects to mine because I like foods that are young. But that is both sides. You can have a really nutritious smoothie and a really yummy cake and a yummy smoothie.
Why not? Um, I also really like how somehow the banana dodged the pitfall of being the penis emoji, like the eggplant pick that up somehow. It's a pretty easy go-to to just be like, that's the banana, I guess like my penis is not curved or yellow. So I suppose if you're using like an emoji to represent a penis or your penis, you kind of want to avoid, you want to avoid like some kind of skinny elongated thing and you maybe put more value on girth and also like this deep purple, which is quite sexy, whereas like purple again, and just lean into the microphone deep.
Purple. Wow. That's amazing. And I had those bays, um, monkeys, like. Bananas, not OB-GYNs or eggplant, if you will, whether you, um, and the banana peel is also not only a bit of biodegradable lunchbox, phenomenal aspect, but it is also one of the first ever prank items like pre will be cushion pre hand buzzer.
You throw up a non appeal on the ground. Someone slips on it about a bang, bada, boom. You know what I mean? I reckon that's like pioneering use of a food after you eat it for it to serve some purpose is definitely Doug.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad that you, I couldn't tell if you were agreeing with me or disagreeing with me, I'm not always going to push back. If you make a good point, I'm going to celebrate that point. And it's also high in potassium, which I don't know what that is named that, but everyone's like, oh yeah, make sure you get your, but not as the high in potassium.
And I'm like, okay, isn't chalk or something. I've heard this and I don't know if it's a myth or not. Um, and maybe our producers think and Google this for me, but if you eat lots of bananas, let's say a bunch of bananas and then a whole bunch of energy drinks, like red bull. I've heard you can get like a heart attack or something.
Something happens to your heart. Um, have you no, can you Google exactly how he put that a bunch of bananas plus a bunch of energy drinks equals heart attack. Question mark. Question mark. Question mark. That's generally how I would Google anything. Just the key words. Yeah. I wasn't comfortable with like giving it an actual amount.
Like, I didn't want to say 17 bananas plus three red bulls, three red bulls and a caffeine and a caffeine shot. It is possible to have a dose. You need 400 bananas and approximately two drinks in the mix, a hundred bananas, 180 caffeine drinks. The fact that I heard some guy had an issue with this means that he must have nibbled on 400 and then no, that's impossible.
What am I saying? Have you had like the mildest form? Like he managed to like demo that amount in like a week or something and by the end, his heart was like, yo, stop. Yeah. That doesn't really sound like a myth or like a room as it needs to be propagated. Like if someone was like, yo, did you know. 400 of anything.
Andrick 280 of anything. I'd be like, yeah, I'm pretty sure what bad stuff's gonna happen. Yeah. Isn't it like if you just drink a full bottle of soy sauce, it will kill you. I'm pretty sure. Cause it's just so high in sodium or something like that. Still here. I'm breathing, baby. I'm fine. Well, I only that I only say all that to up the lethality writing of bananas.
Yeah. True. Well, that's the, that is exactly right. Uh, and they do have at lethality writing to them, um, it is still a four. So why is it four? Well, I know a guy wait, 400 of them. And also because the banana peel, you can slip and smack your head on the ground and die. That's like a one star. Nope. Cause I've got a one-star and you'll see why, how many people, people that you know, that slipped on a banana peel and has hurt themselves.
Seriously. Cool. No, and I know five people who died from a peanut it's time to figure out the train. Uh, Lisa. Four stars, versatility, four stars, accessibility, five stars, utility, five stars, yummy factor five stars, a very high rating for the bananas. Five-star taste rating. Yeah. Banana cake smoothies, banana chips.
Banana. Yeah. But if you just do banana banana. Yeah. Yeah. Cause banana cake is a whole bunch of sugar in there. Yep. Fine. Just banana still delicious. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Nice texture. It's definitely better than peanuts. Yeah. That's why it's fourth. And it's got a great, you know what, and I'm glad that you bring that out.
Cause no matter what you say is definitely better than Weet-Bix you can be like all old on a Joe Biden. Socks is not one of them. So you can't say that, but you could say pretty much anything else, that'd be happy with it. Tree bark. Like yeah, I know. Yeah. Um, not bad for a number four. It's fine. It's good.
It has a place in a top five, I think. Yeah. You're going to get excited for the medalists and this one, my three, two, and one, is it your only fruit? Oh, he has to check. He doesn't even know his top five. Oh, wow. Okay. I wonder if me and you have an overlap on a fruit on this list. I think it's possible just because it's quite possibly, but I invented this fruit.
Ah, okay. Well then probably not kind of my number four, if you'll finish with, um, yeah, hold on. Yeah, I'll pass on the Baton. It's popcorn. Phenomenal for good. Really written down here. We do have one star rating. I've given it and it's on smell. This popcorn gets a four-star smell. Yeah. So when you walk into the movies and you, you smell that freshly popped popcorn synonymous.
And for that reason, I also gave popcorn, um, a big boost because of a contact high you feel whenever you pop popcorn and eat it, because it just reminds you of times that you've gone to the movies. Generally speaking context wise, you're always going to be sharing popcorn. And most of the time it's to sit down and watch a movie with friends and family, or you're at the movies, and you've got like a shock top and a frozen Coke, and you've spent $350 on food, but you're in your seat.
And you're about to watch pitch perfect. Two. And you are just like in heaven. Yeah. Heaven. It is delicious. It also has a unique mouthfeel. So it's, it's quite light, but also crunchy. Now, listen, I will push back a little bit inside. There's nothing worse than getting the little kernels and holding your teeth.
I hate that genocide. It's terrible. Genocide. It's worse. Yeah. And then the very last point I've got here is it's actually kind of fun to cook. It's like a little game that you pay for as I get little pops as a kid, it's like really exciting as an adult, less so, but still like you're here for it. You don't mind sticking around.
It really only takes a few minutes. Um, and you, like, you can always compete against the last batch you did by popping more of the popcorn. I mean, listen, a lot of people listening to this probably microwave their popcorn and that's fine. It's fine these days, but there's something about stove, top popcorn popping that is just super dope, super dope.
And there is something as well. I would, I'd actually agree. This is deserving of being high up because. There's like a really tangible feeling of sadness and sorrow. If you do microwave it and you just burn the whole thing, know if you go like three 50 also, why is all of act two stuff in Spanish? I, their instructions are always in Spanish.
I'm like, yo, like, I'm happy that you guys have got this whole bilingual thing going on multicultural, but I don't know how to pop popcorn in the microwave. If you're going to give me a whole bunch of CMT and Spanish, it might be French. Yeah. I've never, I've never looked closely enough. One more point would be nice range of flavors like Kittle Cohen.
It was like a revelation when I was a teenager. Um, you don't want to go too crazy with you. Don't want to do like cheese flavored popcorn. Is that like colorful? Do you remember those colorful popcorns? Yeah. I really enjoyed caramel corn out of the bag, but that colorful stuff was just horrendous. It was like the loops of.
Yeah, really bad, terrible, terrible idea. And it would just get on your hands and you would have this weird food dye on your fingers. Yeah. Paul, a great perk. I wonder if that's even still a thing, because there's so much marketing now where it's like no artificial flavors and colors or preservatives and like colorful popcorn was like, well, fuck.
That's the only thing we do. Yeah. That's kind of our thing. Yeah. And the inventor of it, like frigid popcorn would have just been pushing back and lobbying against it. Don't trust big. No, no, no. Freddie P was actually against the, the, the disgusting, uh, like, um, augmentation of his original product. He was like, what the fuck you guys doing?
Also he's super homophobic. So he didn't like rainbow colors or anything like that. He's not a good dude, bro. Right, right. Which I hate to be lobbying for popcorn now that I've mentioned about Frederick Butler and Hey man, Hitler invented fantasy. That's a fact, did he really well, Germany and vintage Phanta cause uh, America wouldn't allow Coca-Cola to be imported because they were like, obviously restricting all of the rations for Germans.
And so they created their own little orange drink and they called it Phantom. Okay. Can I just, can I just say this? Don't say it Hitler invented it, but it's like, no, no, no, no, no. But the guy who actually invented it, if he heard this podcast, he'd be like, what the fuck, bro. He stopped us from having Coke and I fucking came up with Phantom.
Yeah. Benedict Fenton was not a good man. So I don't care too much about unselling has been EDF was like a hot tea Nazi. So like probably boycott Phanta yeah. Let's get away from Nazi-ism and uh, the national socialist Republic of Germany or whatever it was called and jump over to number three, if that's okay with you, it would place let's get into it.
I'll call. It was a great shout. I'm actually really happy with that. Um, I've got. Yeah. I had the same response I had this it's just an ingredient. No, it's not. Of course. It's not what you see. You can eat only rice who eats only rice, only rice you've had it. You've hit it probably by accident. All like within like extreme student, Paul would have rice.
Okay. First of all, you cook the rice and then you'd go to get like, and you have no chick. Not all of us are killing it enough to be able to have another ingredient. You just were just bagging, extreme student poverty. There's nothing wrong with that. If you want to have just rice, you have just rice. It's a carbohydrate.
So I don't hang on so many reasons. Hey, I know that's cool. I don't think it'll count because at the start we said you can't be too broad. It has to be somewhat stable. Okay. I will go long grain, long grain rice. It's just an ingredient, man. Fine. Short grain rice. Just do your thing. I just don't think it'll count as Matti rice.
Which one do you want? Just you can't but it's cold. Just go. Ridiculous. Absolutely. I have chicken on rice. There you go. There's your thing, you know, it has to be a meal. It's like, you gotta be, there's not a meal or food is a food. You eat it. It can be okay. Hang on. Food can be things you put in your mouth to be chewed or slurped.
Drinks are not food. And neither is bicycles stickers or Joe Biden, socks. Rice is none of those things. It was not a bicycle. You put it in your mouth. It's not a sock. It's not a sticker. And it can't be chewed or slept. It has all of those things. I just think if we do that, like, you'd just be like, yeah, just braid.
Whereas like it's not often that you would eat just, but you still can. You can, but you don't, but you still can, but you don't, but you can, that's the point of this, but you could eat plenty of you just eight weeks on their own dry. No comes with ink. They go. So that's a meal. So you can say Weet-Bix and milk.
Yeah. Which is what I describe. Hmm, but you said it as number five. Could you read back to the, to the, to the folks at home? What did you have as number five? Word for word don't change it. Wait books. So I've got rice at number three, it's a base to many African Southeast Asian cuisines. It's amazing for if you're hungry and you want a thousand of something it's so prevalent, it's got its own cooker, which the only other thing that has that is the sauce pan.
So sources, you've got a rice cooker and here's my final reason historically, in the Philippines, in the 17 hundreds and in Japan, in the 18 hundreds, rice was a currency. People traded it, not bartering. It was literally a currency. You would pay your taxes with rice, you would pay your employees with rice.
So therefore it is empirically more valuable than other foods. Admittedly, not a highly salady rating. It can be though. You could like if you leave it out, like it's. A lot of people think something like chicken the next day say if you had like sushi is the thing that gets you with food, poisoning it, most of the time, it's the rice that you leave out.
It's just a perfect, it's a common misconception, right? It's kind of like how, it's not the fire that kills you. It's the smoke. Yeah. Yeah. Good. You know what happens? Right. It gets into your lungs and then you can't breathe, smoke, not rice. I'm happy. I'm happy for you to have rice after thinking about it. I think we probably didn't quite line up our criteria cause I thought rice was far too broad.
Yeah. Um, and more of just kind of an ingredient that you put in most meals, but it is a food and fair enough. I've got wait, books and fries. You don't have a scaling system, whereas I do. Yeah. So I've clearly. Got something that's tried it, you know, I've got like science behind me, yours. Isn't better than mine.
I'm just saying it's we connected on it. You know? Well, we connect to otherwise. So at least salady ones were playing footsies under the table. Don't tell anyone. My mother's listening to this Lee salady one-star shout out mom, versatility, five stars, accessibility, five stars, utility five stars. Yummy.
You're not gonna believe this five stars. I love her ass, man. That's cool. You remind me of, um, this flatmate that I had and his, I don't know what it was from. Maybe just from birth. He has just dull taste buds. So if he has, like, if he has like this lobster beautiful restaurant grade meal, he'll be like, yeah, that was good.
And if he just like ate raw cat food, he'd be like, yeah, that was good. Like we'd have some meals in the flat. W we had this famous one where, um, flatmate, Josh Norman, a friend of the pod, he cooked like this apricot chicken and just fully fucked it up. And it was just a slimy, just swamp meal. And we all kind of boycotted it pretty early on.
And Jordan ate. The whole thing was like, it was pretty good. I'm good with them. So maybe Jordan. Yeah, I do love rural cat food. Prefer cook or um, the biscuits I've seen you nibbling on them at lunch for a snack and Scooby snacks. I think the only thing I'll push back on with rice in terms of your star rating is I think you need a chick.
How many people die of food poisoning? From rice compared to like slipping on bananas because from one to four is crazy to me. But apart from that, it's it's good. It's oh yeah. Big time and drop a bill lethality just way down. Just swap those two numbers. I think you're again. And then you could appeal lethality is a one.
Yeah. Okay. I think in cartoons like a seven, but you know, I'll crunch the numbers. I've got a few spreadsheets. I'll talk to some people Dr. Lee salady we'll have a conversation with, cause yeah, I was, I was talking to Hillary last night about this podcast and she said, yeah, rice wins. Well, actually she got super passionate about kimchi because they have like a mission for it, uh, in Korea.
And she was like, kimchi is the best impro kimchi. But yeah, I said, no, it's an ingredient, but no, it's cool. Happy to have, well, I mean, if you gave me that much pushback on rice, you're going to hate numbers. It's just going to be bright. Awesome shit. Isn't it just bright, awesome shit. Isn't it. It's something else.
That's so good. Um, we didn't, I didn't specify enough. We didn't specify enough, so it's fine. I think we should just let it slide. Um, yeah. What would make for a bad podcast if we just like, had a full on fight if we did not allow it? Yeah. What if I was just like, I, I love how at the start, when you were saying, and I was like, Nope, Nope, no, you kind of just stop it.
What have you just been like? Yeah. Okay. You're right onto you. It would've been so shit. Yeah. You're right onto you. My number three is pizza. Is it in your top five? Okay. Wow. Okay. So what about it? I had it in there for awhile. So let's think about the obvious pizza is super delicious. Like, um, smell rating.
It's four or five. You could, you can argue it's topped with gooey cheese, so good. If you want vegetarian options. I really liked the versatility of this food. So in terms of flavors, there's so many to choose from, but in terms of quality, so you can start from the bottom of the pile with like, Domino's like frozen pizzas from the supermarket.
You can start climbing up a little bit, um, maybe go to Sal's pizza, do some homemade numbers, really easy to do as well yourself, make them however you want. Go crazy with the flavors all the way up to like wood fire pizzas, and like restaurant grade. So like you've got this full spectrum of pizzas where if you've only got $5, you can get a pizza.
If you've got $25, you can get five pizzas. Oh, you could. Yeah, absolutely. You could feed five annually where you could feed more than that. One slice. That's like 40 slices. You can feed 40 people. You could be like, Jesus, what the, uh, the Brayden. And he was just like, yo, I got my $5. Let me turn those into infinite pizzas.
Yeah. You know what Jesus was, right? Yeah. He was, yeah. He was just a guy. Yeah. It was just like me and you. Yeah. Pretty cool. Well, I think a lot of people would say it was a bit bitter. Okay. A lot of people say it's a lot less. Yeah. Well anyway. Oh. Um, also pivoting off of that is, um, the whole visibility. You just have so many options.
So it's like, do you want to pick one up from the supermarket on your way home? Do you wanna run up an order? Do you wanna make yourself there's heaps of different ways to grab it pizza? So that's accessibility, not versatility. Oh, there you go. Yep. Yeah. Encroaching on your territory. It's also one of the league.
It's also one of the few foods where if you cook it, if you have it the next day called it's still super domino. Yeah. Depending on how you keep the pizza. If you Chuck it in the fridge, you're good to go. If you like. Out in the box. You probably fucked or in the freezer? Yeah. Yeah. Don't put it in the freezer.
Rock-hard Hawaiian. Yeah. That's where my that's where my cat food lives. Yes. And I have something so supremely delicious, um, and to have it still somewhat affordable and for there to be so many options that needs a place at the table. And so also that turtles love it.
do you remember the first scene of the, uh, the old, I mean maybe the nineties or the eighties even, and it's just like four straight minutes of a whole bunch of new Yorkers eating I'm walking here. Yeah. And who was that? I think it was Donatella, right. He's out of here now, but, um, and just for like full, straight minutes, everyone's eating pizza.
Every, every single shot is just people eating. On the sidewalk on the subway and the restaurant and bam, bam, bam, bam. And then it just, I can give you a scene for scene recount of teenage men. That's all good. That's fine. That's okay. Also one last point I want to make on pizza cast your mind back to the days of secondary school, just that deep pit of teenage angst, having to go to school and winter and Roman sandals, because you are going to, haven't washed your socks properly.
You have to button up your t-shirt. You have to have you hear a certain length. You catch the school bus. It's just fucking shit. You hate your form teacher. She tells you to take your headphones out during notices, but you don't give a fuck about notices, but everything's all good because it's pizza day.
It's pizza day, bro, you bought your $5. You're getting your meat lovers at lunch. Some of the best days of my life were pizza days at school. We didn't have pizza day. Did you really not? Your net pay? Today's a boys high. Oh shit. So we had all of that stuff happened to us. And then we do, he didn't have pizza day swear to God, swear to God, swear to God.
What did you, did you ever have anything sausage sizzles, rice? Uh, that would explain a lot? Uh, no, he just said canteen. It's like 2000 kids or whatever, man. It's kind of hard to give them more pizzas. That's like probably 400 bananas with the pizzas. He didn't do it all at once. It was like a, you know, your form class would be like, yo pizza day this Friday.
So what would it be? The school-wide thing where we would disseminate the local Domino's out of like pizza ingredients. I wish that we had that. That makes me genuinely sad. I had no idea that it was a thing where like I kinda did, but like in, um, high schools in America where everyone looks dirty, this is a great segue.
Cause I just wanna, I just want to say this be honest. Are you sick of school? Are you done interrupt because I'm doing an ad cool for school. Of course you are school stinks. It's time to say no to education and yes, to fund with wagon Bragg wagon Bragg is a sophisticated conglomerate working out of a garage in Flagstaff.
They offer a comprehensive service that covers you with anything from sign notes and parental voicemails to bootleg, funeral pamphlets for fictional family members. Change your life today and wag with wagon brag. Wow. That's that one? That's a big deal. Another day, another sponsor. Isn't it crazy that for three episodes straight we've had a unique sponsor Feige.
Yeah. Could you name what all three of them were called? Well, obviously T H spelling episode one, which helps with, um, any kind of diarrhea needs, toilet humor. Spellchecks I S uh, and then we had the, um, What were they called again? We had the, what were they called? Yeah, the big, the big key chain company. Ah, yeah.
Big key chain company that I like currently. Well, okay. Here's the thing. I can't legally say their name. Cause it's got back to us. They are. And I'm currently being sued by subway sandwich artists. Yeah. So I that's why I can't say it. So you can't the big key chain company. He can't legally say their name, but he can say subway.
And then of course wagon brag. Definitely. Hasn't forgotten the second guy's names. Oh wait, no way Joe is paying us way too much to not remember. Yeah, definitely. Um, wow. Wagon brags. That is code. Do they do anything beyond schooling goods? No.
Uh, sorry, this isn't an improv show. Okay. This is a service that they offer. Okay. Well that's awesome. It's like going to Domino's. Hey, do you do that? Do you do anything? Not pizza. Yes. We sell small blocks and they have numbers on them and you can play dominoes with them, man. That's what they can do.
can I say my number two? Yeah, let's do it super old milk. Oh, I found a loop hole here. Now. First of all, I'm aware milk's not a food, but it's the first nutrition source. Most of us have post-birth and we liked it so much that the first guy finished up his mums and just started yanking on like animals titties left, right.
And center and sucking on whatever came out, which I'm like, you gotta be pretty obsessed with this shit. If that's the levels you're going to, but I'm aware it's not food. So I wanted to go super old milk, which is butter, yogurt, cheese, custard cream, or ice cream. All of those are older than you. So I found a loophole and it also comes from almonds, even though almonds ain't got titties dough.
No. Now you're talking about milk again. So we project it onto other stuff. I know. I'm just saying like, as a society, as a people, we are obsessed with this thing. We call our corner shops. What do you call them? Dairies. Okay. That's cool. If you want to do super old milk, then that's absolutely fine, but you did rice and you didn't and you didn't go.
I get to, I get to talk about all these different rice dishes. They are now the thing you still only talked about rice. So maybe talk about one of those things. Well, you can, yeah, you can, right? Yogurt, cheese, or whatever the hell else. Come on. Come on. Okay. Well, now this isn't, um, because if I said, oh, I'm bread and I'm going to steal, eat every fucking thing.
That's like Bridson yeah, it's a bit harsh. You do raise a very good point. And I wish I came prepared. I did ah, Okay. That's cool. I hate cheese. I still like some cheese that makes no fucking sense to me. I hate all cheese. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And then I have some dishes with cheese and I'm like, Ooh, what's that?
I'm not chasing. I'm like, fuck, you got me to get cheese. I hate Bri. I hate chem and B. I hate Havati. I hate Gouda. I hate what's the chewy one that you can cook halloumi. I hate all of that shit. And then out of nowhere, mozzarella comes in Palm and comes in. American cheese comes in on your cheeseburger.
I'm like Martha OCHA. It just keeps getting me. So I'm going to put cheese, even though I hate cheese. I still somehow like cheese, which means it must be pretty good. Yeah. I think I'm also known as super old milk. It's crazy to me that I didn't really think of chase, but I suppose I wasn't really doing anything.
Like I have cheese on my list on a pizza and things like that. Yeah. Um, but that's cool. I mean, look, taste-wise, it's super dope. The range of tastes is maybe. Um, one of the, the more versatile ranges that a food could offer, are we talking about cheese, cheese? Okay. Um, and mouthfeel is super dope. I mean, melted cheese, stringy, melted cheese.
Um, it also kind of like goes on, like, I know we're not talking about cuisines, but not chose Italian or Mexican, Italian, uh, French, even like Doche, if you want to do American, the only one that doesn't really go with a Southeast Asian, right. There's not too much cheeses and a Southeast Asian, it's an admitted terrainian it's like, so ubiquitous, like here's a thing you don't have it with sushi or, you know, you have cream cheese.
Yeah. There you go. You can just say, if you were to have a sausage sizzle, you usually wouldn't have, oh yeah. Cheese in the middle of sizzles. There you go. It's just everywhere and I don't like it, but credit where it's due you man. So unfortunately I have righted super old milk. Will you accept my ratings for super old milk or do I have to give new writings?
So that's cool. Lethality three, because IBS for people who I'm aware that lethality means it can kill you. But I also just think 80 time it debilitates you for me. I think diarrhea is the biggest killer in the world. Yeah. Overall, we need to stop him per annum, per annum anus. Uh, versatility five of course, accessibility five of course, utility five of course and yummy five, but that was just super old milk for cheese.
For me. Yummy is like, I don't know, one and a half. Two. Yeah. I mean it's super old milk in terms of taste is her written five that's because you're not lateral in your thing. What's yogurt. It's just really old fucking milk. Yeah. But this isn't. Yeah. Okay. You know, that's why I'm so quick, man. Cause I'm paused your eyes before I can see it.
Terrible. I, although I ultimately welcome these entries of rice and super old milk, I, myself, haven't chosen to go through any loopholes. I've stayed pretty, tried and true to the top five. Right. And with number two, I have my one entry that is probably on the more nutritional side of things, which is blueberries.
Hmm. So you have a, you have a fruit as your top spot and it's not blueberries. Maybe it's strawberries is the case with blueberries. They are really, really good. They're deemed like a superfood, which I don't really pretend to know exactly what that means, but it means I can pick up a house antioxidants high in potassium, Rand, vitamin C, look at them, go.
I didn't see you. Sometimes. You wouldn't think that vitamin yes. Lowers your risk of heart disease, diabetes and cancer. Wow. They're also an anti-inflammatory. Um, my God and listen, we're not talking about like a spoonful of like bitter medicine. This isn't like apple cider vinegar. This is a delicious food.
It's really nice. It's like a sweet little fruit snack, a sweet little fruit snack. Oh, it's very versatile. So you can have it fresh. You can have it frozen. I particularly love it. Frozen. You can have it in cakes, muffins, um, pancakes, things like that. Paints your tongue blue. There's not that many foods out there that just paint your time.
And as a kid that makes you, that's like really fun zombie too. Yeah. So let me choose in there. You get different lollipops, although it's not really a food, um, especially not as a kid, it's also can either be a snack or a meal because you can have it by itself. Or like I said, it can be in other things and you can have it with like yoga.
You can have it on top of cereal. Um, and ultimately for something that delicious to be that good for you has to be near the top for me. Um, because my first two ratings was taste and nutritional value. And so it's weighted it very, very highly for me. Yeah. It's a very good choice. And I kind of suspected that today.
I wouldn't be as combative because I like food and I've eaten lots of it. You've probably had like 450,000, probably 1,500 if I've had five a day for 365 days between 65. Okay. Yeah. Oh, snacks, breakfast, lunch, janitor snacks, bruh. Morning tea and lunch. Sounds like you guys were getting pizza day. Goodness.
I reckon I've had about 52,379 meals in my life. Yeah. I remember when you to Nate for that day. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I was so weak. Yeah. Yeah. That was a good Tuesday. Anyway. Um, blueberries phenomenal. Uh, yeah, there, there's just kind of, not much you can say about them. The only thing I would say is that they are seasonally a bit pricey.
Yeah. And that's, that's pretty good. That's pretty good point. If you get, if you buy them fresh on the pundits, they are pretty expensive, but you can buy them frozen pretty competitively, and then you boil them. Right? Uh, I would, I would put them in smoothies or I'd have them with Greek yogurt, frozen and they're sublime.
Yeah, they are very good. That was just some pro tip little snack meals for you guys at home. What are they? Sorry. Blueberry, eat them. Yeah. You just ate them. Wow. That's an amazing tip. Hey guys, just for folks at home, eat some food, stay tuned for more food tips. Next week we talk about how you use your mouth to chew.
Damn. Oh, what that mouth do. Okay. Can I say my number one? Yeah, absolutely. I invented this. Oh, it's cold. Can I read out, I'm going to read out my writings first, then I'm going to read out what it is then I'm going to tell you what it is. Cause you won't you'll know what it is, but you're gonna like, what the fuck?
So here's the problem though. You've put all your writings at fours and fives. So people listening at home will just be like, here's another four. Here's another five. Like these don't mean handsome tonight. Uh, for you fucking idiots, lethality five versatility, five accessibility, five utility, five yummy 15, all that's right this whole time.
It hasn't been on a scale of one to five. It's being on a scale of one to 15. And everything else is listed in that anyway. Here's what the food is. Are you ready? Yeah. Shallow orange. It's an orange. You ate in the shallow and here is why this is the greatest food and I'm pretty sure you haven't had it.
And I was thinking about, I was like, oh fuck, this is kind of unfair because you haven't had it. It's kind of like if we were talking about NBA defensive player of the year and I just sit a guy and you're like, I haven't seen a single game of her. So how can I even comment on whether he's good or not?
You haven't have you had a shower? Orange wait, huh? I can have any of my foods in the shower if I want that hasn't changed. Have you eaten it? Yes, it does. Have you eaten a shower? No, no, no. I mean, it doesn't change my thing, but I can increase the types of anything. Have we Vixen the show, see how that goes.
I could, if I want it to taste bitter, like how, because what do we get there? You'd like sensitive taste and smell. If you have ever had a beer in the shower, it's the greatest thing you take. All of my. This is my point here. You just picked an orange for number one. Congratulations continued. Well, yes I did.
But here's why shout orange is the best. So, you know, when you fought in the shower and it smells with as cause the stain elevates all of your senses, which is a point you just made. And I was about to be so articulate making this and you have mind Suzy Cato anyway. So yeah, the bear, the posts low and shallow bet is right out there, but the shallow orange is even better because a big drawback on oranges is Oliver.
The juice juices on the loaves. Exactly. That's a very good point. Oh, J the done gets it. So because there's juice on the loose. If you have it in the shallow, no more juice and you can peel it in the shallow and it's not too much of a hassle. It's not really any easier or harder, but you can just, you still can.
And then you eat it. And because of all of your senses being elevated, citrus is very refreshing and it takes. Delicious. And then we've got to that number one. And I invented that. I thought to myself, I wonder what it tastes like to have a sh orange and the shout. And then I just did it cause I'm a mad man and it was young.
So I love that you've brought the shower into things. Um, cause yours is a shower. You've picked an orange and you've just highlighted that you can have it in the shower because that's context, you haven't changed any kind of ingredient. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that's context for you. Um, literally elevates its taste.
Yeah. Like scientifically elevated. It's not that it's not psychologically out of that. So it genuinely physiologically elevates the taste of it because it interacts with the steam. Yeah. But you haven't, you haven't changed the food. You've just changed where you eat at which we could do for any of these.
So that's good. Okay. This is an orange, but what I will say is you thinking about the juice side of things is actually what I, I think, well, okay. Yeah, definitely. And orange is such a pain in the ass for that. And orange slices. I mean, it depends how, like reckless you are when you ate food. Cause if you slice it up and you're pretty good, you don't, you won't have too much juice.
Um, is it better than orange slices in a bath? I haven't had that. I can't speak to that. Okay. Cause you know, I'm a big bath guy. Yeah, you are. And I've eaten quite a lot of food in the bath. So I'm just a little Peggy that lets all the crumbs float in the, in the ward. That's disgusting. Do you pee in the bus?
No, but I have, I've paid a new boss
every now and again. I think gimme if I feel this like a piece of shit, I'll just, but I think, you know, in the last 10 years have I paid in the buff? No shit in the boss is what you just said. Never shed in the bath and the shower. All of the shit to the bottle. Okay, well, shower is clearly number one by far.
My whole scale is 15. I swear to God. If you say something like corn chips, are you ready for the real number one? I'm so excited for this. I don't think I am. And that number one. Should I read you out what I've got and you try and guess at some point? Sure. Okay. So it's affordable and easy. You can put it together in under a minute.
If you want it to, it can be nutritious based on the new, the ingredients you use. It's really delicious. There's different levels to it. So you could buy this at the bakery. You could have it homemade croissant. It's a sandwich. Oh fuck. So if you want to make it nutritious, have it with shredded chicken, spinach, whole grain bread.
You can get it from the bakery. You can get it from subway. You can make it yourself. Depends how much you hate yourself. Everyone's gone through a sandwich phase. Everyone went through a little phase where they started making sandwiches for themselves, probably when you're younger, but like getting home from school, chatting together, a sandwich.
It's the godfather of the bagel, bap, panini toasted sandwich. And here's my biggest point.
I would argue probably the most important meal of the day is lunch because breakfast wake up. Some people skip it. A lot of people say it's the most important. That's great then. Uh, yeah, you have like a delicious meal to finish the day, but it doesn't really serve a purpose in terms of energy. So for me, I think the best meal is lunch.
If you're at school or if you're at work, it's the one big thing that you're looking forward to pick up the spirits, have something delicious. Think about your lunch box. If you pack your own lunch, not appeal. What's the anchor of the lunchbox. What is the main event? Ana? The banana is a side piece to the sandwich that you've put together yourself.
Okay. You have your little, um, dunker rows off to the side, your least snack. You have your fruit, you have maybe a bag of chips. And then your sandwiches, the main event, this guy is having a big lunch. It's the sandwich sandwiches, the best food who invented the sandwich. Do you know? Yeah, it was Phillip Seymour sandwich.
Chuck. It was the Earl of sandwich who was a notorious prankster and a trickster. And he invented it. Not even a joke. Yeah, you can look it up. Didn't he die by falling over a banana peel with a prank kind of backfiring in his face? No, cause maybe we need to up the banana peel, lethality writing. He was stuffed.
By his brother. So not actually, everything's a joke, Oliver. Sometimes some things we should take with an air of sincerity. Are you being serious at all, but that's sandwiches a guy who invented the sandwich. A hundred pay. Yeah, he was, uh, like 1500. Um, it's he made it fuck. I kind of remember he made it fly the queen or king or whatever.
Anyway, here is my question about the sandwich. How is that not a bunch of different ingredients or is that Connie a point? That is just a bunch of, and it could just be anything, right? It would have to be an established food. It was just, I guess it's anything that is like paired with bread, either side, right?
Yeah. It has to have two pieces of bread and have ingredients in the middle. Fairly specific because you can't just Chuck anything in a sandwich and it will work. I mean, you could, if you wanted, like, if I wanted to be like real scummy, it could be like, you can put any food ever between two pieces of bread and then you got any food you want, and that is the best, but that's not what I'm saying.
Oh, like a freestyle rap, like the way to, you could put any dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And then it would be the best. But that's what I'm saying. Um, I guess it doesn't really excite me. That's whatever, it's a sandwich. I never went through that sandwich phase, but that's, you know, more me, I'm not saying that no one did.
Yeah. But you think rise spot self is five star rating. Tastiness, of course. Why would you, why would you really possess things up with actual like flavors? You'd just be like, I'm just gonna have a rice or maybe an orange in the shower or I'm gonna slip down super old milk because that's also a five-star rating.
And what the fuck do I need real taste for? Yeah, I guess I will say that, uh, I did think about the sandwich and I'm a little bit annoyed. I didn't put it in there because there are a couple of sandwiches that I've had that have, like, I remember where I was. I've only had them once or twice and they were genuinely tastes changing.
Really good. You know what I mean? Like you're just like, holy fuck. I wish that I did this. Not often enough for it to be a commodity, but often enough for me to just feel this high. I love that. I say that because every time you happen to, like, you need quite a lot of fresh ingredients around to put together yourself, like a really, really substantial sandwich.
But when you do like say, if you have nice bread and then you fry an egg, have some like ham cheese, let us all sorts of stuff in there having it's amazing. But you don't often like go back to it all the time. What's the head. Do you know, do you think you could pick one? Um, I think it's kind of what I described as long as all the ingredients is super fresh.
So it's like a really nice chutney avocado in there to monitor. I can't think of like one specific moment, but I've had so many sandwiches, so it's kind of not fair. I can't really think. Right. Yeah. That's fair. I guess it's a pretty good one. I'm pretty annoyed that I don't have too much of a pushback on it.
Yeah. And just to end things, I can eat it in a shallow. If I want Yukon, it gets soggy. It immediately gets soggy. Why would I eat it against the water? I just put my back to the water and just why you in the shower? Just being a sauna idiot, sauna sandwich. Fine. That's fine. Eat it quickly. No, sir. No it's lifestyle health, right?
Um, taste rating, no sock. Uh, uh, it's just boring to me. Eh, whatever, you know, you're allowed it. I don't allow it. It was fine. You can have it a few weeks, man. You can have it. You know, I think you're just a bit mad because like you had an orange, but Dumbo one and you fumbled them orange. It's a shower is completely different.
It's no other orange. I'm not saying the orange, like out of the shower is any good. It's fine. It's like, it's probably sex, but it's not in the top five, but you put that baby in the shower. Sweet mama. I think you just needed, you could just then pick the most delicious food you can think of and have it in the shower.
Wouldn't that be a better way to do it? If that's your argument, can we maybe duck island ice cream in the shell hole? My goal immediately there's sometimes all of us. I like that we argue and soften and go back and forth, but you can't rip down the food often. Vinted and pointed out to me that maybe this vintage, oh, I'm sorry.
Who's the person who was it bay? The Earl of shower judges, the guy who is the sandwich, people are out there being like, yo, we put fucking stop between bread before the day guy. Yeah. Subway's mad that I'm calling out sandwiches. Stop. It gets way too much like conversational points on there. You know why it does his way, bro?
I would love to know like all of our listeners, all of you reach out and let us know your thoughts on this. Me and cam will frequent grey street a lot and we'll go to out some op shops. You might get a coffee and we might've kind of lift the caffeine. We're doing things and it's to the point where it cam needs to go toilet.
It's just a number one. It's just a way just to tinker, but obviously we've left the cafe. And he'll walk into subway and flat out, walk straight through, use the toilet, walk out, not even make eye contact or say hello to the people working there. Hello? Oh yeah. Great. I mean even worse. Is that all good?
Cause that seems like a, like a terrible thing to me. There is subway has the most franchises in the entire world for fast food. I don't think that they're struggling just cause I flush their toilet. I think they find, man, I don't think subway. Like we got to stop them all these customers or like, cause they owned by the penguin obviously.
Yeah, it's fine. I need to sit down as thugs to work security somewhere. Cool. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, it's fine. Okay. Well let us know. Um, everyone knows it's fine. Now next week, I think we might be having a special guest who could be a rather semi-permanent fixture, Tom cruise. Uh, it, it, well, we'll just leave it as a secret, but he's coming in with top fives and we actually know what our topic is for next week.
So should we, should we just kind of preview it CUDA, cue it up five God tune shows. Oh, with Tom cruise now cruise, but like someone like Tom cruise, Ron Cruz is probably thanks so much as always for tuning in. And uh, I mean until next time I'm going to hit a random button. You ready? See a cam. Love you. Oh God.
That was terrible
till next time. Good night.