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Being a dad isn't easy and we often feel alone. This is why we launched Dads on Tap to provide a place for dads to hang out with other dads in a laid-back environment, have a great beer and learn some practical ways to become a better dad. On the DOT Podcast you'll hear real stories from real dads aimed at helping you be a better Dad.
Scott Mawdesley (00:01.166)
Well, welcome back to the Dads on Tap Podcast. This is Scott, and I'm your host for this podcast and the founder of Dads on Tap, as well as a member of the Man in the Mirror team. And I am glad to have you here at this podcast where our mission is simple to help craft better dads. And over the last several episodes, we have been talking about some heavier things together, things like shame and fear and failure and conflict.
And not being the dad that we want to be, and what happens when you blow it. And man, you would think that we're just terrible dads, right? but we know we have a lot of areas to grow in. But today's podcast is is simply gonna be encouragement to you. So the title of our podcast is Dad, you are doing better than you think. Dad, you are doing better than you think. The fact that you are here listening to a podcast.
Means that you are becoming a better dad. And although those heavy topics are important conversations, today we're just going to take a slightly different direction. An encouragement to you because I think a lot of us as dads are growing more than we give ourselves credit for. We are really hard on ourselves and we often remember the the mistakes that we make, but sometimes we easily overlook the really good.
Things that we're doing. And sometimes we assume that being a better dad is about these giant big moments in our lives. Giant breakthroughs, giant leadership moments, giant disciplines. But I'm starting to believe something different. And here's a line I want you to hold on to for today's podcast. I grew up in a leadership culture, some level, am still in it.
Talked about how leaders go big. The best leaders go big and they make bold decisions and they they make big leadership calls. And and I actually am starting to believe something different about not only leaders, but more importantly, dads. I think the best dads don't go big, primarily. I think the best dads go small.
Scott Mawdesley (02:14.9)
because being a a a good dad, being a better dad is usually not defined by these huge dramatic moments, the big things. They're shaped by the small things that we do, the daily decisions we make over and over again over time. And so I really believe that the best dads don't go big. I think the best dads go small, because the truth is, most transformation as fathers.
happens quietly. Not in the huge moments, but in the repeated moments as we continue to take the small steps in the right direction that over time turns into bigger results. So our growth happens slowly, one apology at time, one hard conversation at a time, one healthier reaction at a time, one moment moment of choosing presence instead of distraction.
A moment of staying calm instead of escalating, where our family notices that man, maybe our frustration or even anger doesn't take over as quickly. Or that moment when we take this phone and we put it down, and we give our family the focus and attention they need one night this week, a decision to actually listen more than we talk and stay engaged when we want to check out emotionally. Those are the moments.
When fathers grow and they're they're made by small decisions that we repeat consistently. And so what I want to encourage you to do for our podcast today is think back on the last week. Don't think about the times you messed up where you lost your temper, you shut down, you overreacted, you disconnected, you know, fill in the blank. Because those things obviously get our attention pretty quickly. But let's think back on when was a moment that you showed up in a better way.
in a more emotionally mature way, where you were growing maybe slowly, but you were growing in the right direction. It just takes repetition, takes consistency. and over time, those things build up in a big way. So let's reflect back even further than a week. Let's reflect back five years. And I want you to think about an area where you've grown as a dad.
Scott Mawdesley (04:38.53)
Maybe five years ago you would have exploded in anger more quickly. Or maybe you're kind of like me and you would have avoided hard conversations longer than you should have. Or maybe, maybe you just would have numbed out more often or refused to apologize. You know, in our family, you've heard me say this many times. We never say I'm sorry because what do you do with I'm sorry? I'm sorry might mean I'm sorry I get got caught or I'm sorry you feel that way.
Instead of saying I'm sorry, we say, I apologize. Will you forgive me? I recognize I need your forgiveness, and I take the humble step to ask for your forgiveness. And so maybe you think back five years ago, and man, there were some places where you need really needed to grow. But now, five years later, maybe you recover faster from frustration. Or maybe you find that you're pausing a little more before you're reacting. Or maybe you're thinking more about your kids emotionally.
Or maybe you just care more deeply about how you impact or influence your family than you used to, and your patterns have changed over the last five years. And guys, that matters. if you look back and say, here's an area where I've grown, where I've gotten better, man, that is growth. And I want you to be aware of that growth. because maybe you haven't taken time over the last several years to stop long enough to reflect on the fact that you have gotten
Better as a dad. So I think one of the reasons why Jesus talks so much about seeds in Scripture. In fact, you know, he lived in an an agrarian culture, a lot of agriculture, a lot of farming. I grew up on the farm around corn and around pigs, and so I can kind of relate to some of the agrarian nature of scripture, but Jesus talked about the the idea of a seed.
Which is a really small thing. You know that. Most seeds are really small. and and in scripture points to small things like that seed, a seed in a soil, or a little bit of yeast in the dough, or daily bread, not my provision for the next month, next year, but today's provision, or vines and branches, what's happening, or fruit that's growing slowly. Because I think that the best growth in life happens with gradual growth.
Scott Mawdesley (07:00.022)
And God actually seems to be very comfortable with this idea. Jesus said, Man, see this seed. If you put that seed in the ground, right? I watched a lot of farmers do this. They seeded it and then they watered it and then they made sure to go and they pull the weeds right. Whatever's going to compete with the nutrients of that soil, with that seed, they get rid of it. And over time, that little seed shoots up and then becomes full grown. I remember walking out with actually full-grown corn stalks. My first job was to tassel in corn. We had to get on a tractor.
And had to go and pull out the tassels of corn, right? Those all started as little seeds in the soil that grew into something significant. And that is so true for us as dads. Little seeds that we plant and water and then try to get better, become aware of what are the weeds that are gonna choke this out. And we weed the ground that over time those things grow and they become a fruit that produces for us in the future. And so I know we love the big moments, dads.
I know we love the fireworks and you know the times when it's like, man, we stepped up in a big way, but really the the goal of of of our Heavenly Father in our lives is formation over time. And formation always happens slower than we maybe want it to, or maybe than we realize. And so there's this moment in Mark chapter four.
Where Jesus describes the kingdom of God like a seed that's growing in the ground. And he walks through the farmer plants it, and then over time he takes care of it. And slowly that seed begins to form and begins to grow. And quietly over time, it grows to the point that something begins to happen underneath the surface long before we see anything above the surface. And dads, that's true for fatherhood too. You are thinking about areas where you need to grow.
you are doing the right things to move in the right direct direction. And a lot of times those things happen beneath the surface. And our consistency matters, our tone matters, our presence matters, our attention matters, the small moments that matter that we we take the time to do. I was thinking back the last couple of days, I was thinking about my 20, almost 21-year-old son, my 16-year-old daughter.
Scott Mawdesley (09:21.422)
And I was thinking about how we have a great relationship today. just can have great conversations and and still each other tell each other we love each other. And you know, it's not perfect, but we have a really solid relationship. But I I was thinking back to the early days, times when my kids were little, and the intentional investment that I made that's paying dividends now. It was little things like I remember many nights
sitting on the basement floor playing with Legos with my son and daughter. Man, when I was tired, didn't really want to, but I knew that that little investment of just playing, doing something together made a difference, or going out into the driveway and shooting hoops with my son as he was getting a little older and moving into his teenage years and all those little moments I've said before, doing twenty-four hour adventures with my kids individually and going and doing something fun that's just them and dad with their dad's focused attention.
all of those little investments that may not have seemed like much when my kids were little, man, they have grown over time to where my teenage kids, now almost my adult son, really is no longer a teenager, 20, be 21 here in August. Man, the dividends have been paid by all those little moments, all those seeds that were planted and watered over time. Man, it's great to have that relationship.
Today. And so we remember the big moments with our kids. And of course there's family vacations and lots of cool stuff. But I'm telling you, what our kids maybe rem may remember more than anything is when we just sat on the floor and played with them. Or we took some time to ask about their day and we listened. Or we just stayed calm when something crazy happened. I remember when my son was really small, may have shared this story before. He was probably five years old and we were out visiting some friends out of state.
And we were out for a cup of coffee at Starbucks, and he was having a little chocolate milk. And as my friend and I were talking, he spilled that milk, just knocked it over, spilled it everywhere. It was on me, it was on the table, on the floor. And I just, you know, took it in stride and just said, hey, buddy, it's okay. He's, you know, started to cry. I said, buddy, it's okay. It's fine. It was an accident. Let's clean it up. And as we were walking out the door, my friend, who at the time was not a dad, he is now, said, Man, Scott, he said, I am so impressed by the way you handled that moment with Silas. He said, My dad
Scott Mawdesley (11:36.121)
would have yelled at me, might have even grabbed my arm and twisted it. Like he said, I I I was just a good example to me of how to handle something like that. And so guys, when we stay calm and we handle a situation well. Or we tuck them in at night. One of my favorite moments of my kids when they were little was when nighttime was daddy time. And so I got to tuck them in. A lot of times it was my time I did did the bath. And that time of tucking them in, I got to sing with them. I got to pray over them.
Pray with them. Man, those little moments mattered in such powerful ways. And you know, on a night when I was really tired, I didn't have a lot of energy and I leaned in anyway. Maybe it didn't seem like it mattered that much. But man, you stack those nights over time, and it really creates a solid relationship. And so, dads, remember, the small things we do every day. We may make mistakes, but man, we can do some some good small things today. And over time, those things grow. They become bigger things. And
They cre they create great fruit. And so I hope that takes a little pressure off of you today. sometimes as dads, we feel like we're falling behind. Feel like maybe we've blown it too much, maybe like we've missed too much time or we've failed too many times. Dads, I want you to know that that can change today. The small investment that you make today, stacked on, the small investment you make tomorrow, stacked on over and over and over again.
Over the days, over the months, over the years, makes a huge difference in the life of your relationship with your kids. I've heard it said, you may have heard it too, that the days are long, but the years are short. And that truly is hap that truly is a great truth. And so let's just start making the small decisions a day to do the right things. Not someday, but today. We can put our phones down for
An hour at night. We can ask our kids more questions. We can apologize quicker. We quicker. We can sit in the room longer. We can push mute or pause on whatever we're watching on the TV and we can make eye contact. We can hug our kids. I've been into the habit since my kids were little. every time they get up in the morning, first thing I see them, I give them a hug. At nighttime, I give them a hug. When they walk back in from having been somewhere, I give them a hug. Why? Because I want them to know that their dad values their presence.
Scott Mawdesley (13:56.641)
And so I give them a hug or praying briefly with them or over them. Man, those things really matter, maybe more than we even realize. So, Dads, thanks again for listening to the Dads on Tap podcast today. I hope it's been an encouragement to you in a culture that's obsessed with massive change and instant transformation. Let's not overlook the quiet work that God's already doing in us and that he is forming as we not go big but go small.
As dads. So keep showing up, keep growing, keep taking the right next steps. And I'm grateful for you listening to the Dads on Tap podcast, where our mission is simple. We're helping dads become or helping craft better dads. And I'll just say this: if you're looking for a practical next step in your own growth as a dad, I'd love to encourage you to check out my book, A Dad's Bible Journey: Quick and Practical Wisdom for Becoming a Better Dad. It is super simple.
The average chapter takes about two and a half minutes to read. And then it has two questions you can ask yourself about how to become a better dad based on a story in the Bible. It's simple, it gets you into scripture in a really practical way, made specifically for dads. And it's especially for dads like dads with young kids who don't necessarily love reading, or man, you just got so much going on that you don't have much time. And you can grab the book.
You can be done in three or four minutes. Take a couple minutes to reflect, and you can move on from there. You can find this on Amazon as a hard copy or Kindle book. Just put in a dad's Bible journey and you'll find that book there. I hope it will be an encouragement to you. But in closing, this week, let me remind you that you don't have to go big today to become a better dad. Instead, go small by doing one small thing that makes you better today. Until next week, keep showing up every day.
And keep growing up every day.