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Belba Creepfoot peels off her disguise and leads the party into the capital's underground, where three "Divine Lords" — Fervor, Science, and War — have been bleeding the planet into one hedonistic banquet for themselves. Toga-clad ratlings eat grapes on marble benches. Then the sky goes red, the cannibals come over the wall chanting eat the tall, become the tall, and the Roman holiday ends in a feeding frenzy.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
Creators and Guests
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Guest
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What is WarHams - Narrative Declaration?
WarHams! The TTRPG live play show set in the grim dark world of Warhammer 40,000. Follow us @NarrativeDeclaration on all social media!
Three, two, one, go!
Welcome, everyone, to another exciting episode of Warholms!
Attention, majority of workers!
I had to turn it down this time.
Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Warholms!
This is going to be episode two, so thank you all so much for coming back.
Hope you've told your communities, your friends, your dogs that we are live today.
And you may have noticed a couple changes.
We understand that people...
...complained and criticized heavily that you couldn't tell who the heck is talking.
Now you have a clear indicator on the left side here.
Because we found a nice tool and everything that allowed us to kind of manipulate some things.
So we hope this helps you out.
And just as a good test around so you understand who is currently talking and whatnot.
And also for people in the podcast version, you're just fucked.
So we're going to go ahead and ring around the horn here in terms of introductions.
And then I will explain.
How things work here for new people.
So first off, the one who is playing Pybrain.
Hello, I am Speaker D.
You want to explain more about yourself?
I would love to!
I am the voice of Azdrabilvect.
I am the voice of the God Emperor of Mankind.
And my favorite color is orange.
And then next up, our next player who is playing Reeve Van.
And our next player on the line is...
I am here against my will.
Zoran is holding a gun against my house.
Help!
I am a writer for If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device.
And I do voice acting bits here and there for other things.
But yes, I write for the show.
And I am here right now being Reeve.
And next, the person who is currently playing Captain Zidic.
Hello, it's Hulky Crow.
I'm a assorted voice actor for a text-to-speech device.
Predominantly, Captain Kayvan Shrike on Bro Trip.
And I have an insatiable appetite for flan.
And I am Zoran the Bear.
I am currently playing Lorne.
And the respective archetypes that we are playing as is...
Brain is playing our resident Skitarii.
He is our sword master.
Reeve is playing our inquisitorial acolyte.
I am a sanctioned psyker.
And Captain Zidic is our resident rogue trader who owns the ship.
We think.
So.
At this point on how this works.
If none of you have been here before.
Basically, we are playing the RPG system Wrath and Glory.
And just like last episode, we understand those are the 40k systems you like.
This one just makes it easier for us to stream with.
You'll also notice at the bottom left, the kind of golden dice that we have.
These are now going to zero.
At the start of Wrath and Glory, these start at zero.
You can help contribute to the stream.
Or you can just enjoy the free show that we provide here.
And you are able to basically see that accumulate through play.
By player contribution.
And as we've kind of said before, even though these dice are also able to be
obtained by donations on chat and everything else, we also want to concentrate
on show and fun first, so we are not banking these if we're at total, like
produce a total, um, maximum of these dice.
And someone goes, oh, I'd give a hundred dollars.
So they have like 10 extra, right?
Like, nope.
If they're at cap, they're at cap.
And we also have the structure to where we are okay to say no to basically people
who want to try to pay you in our game.
So.
Show first and having a good time.
In addition, we also have our basically ruined dice here.
That'll basically go down to four.
Cause we started four with it.
And the person who is going to be using these against us is basically
the true star of the show, Thurston Hillman, our game master.
If you can show them your voice.
Hello.
I showed them my voice.
Wait.
Oh, oh, oh, that, that.
Okay.
You can hear my voice, right?
Hi.
Hi.
I'm I'm Thurston.
I am the game master.
And I am here to inflict suffering on all of these players in our continued
adventures, but let's be honest, I am not the star of the show.
First off, the players are the star of the show.
I'm just here to facilitate their shenanigans, but really there's another
star of the show that I think is being left out of this introduction.
And, um, I, I mean, I don't want to say that maybe after our first session,
we have a new star, but just good.
To say we may be featuring the main, the main mascot at this point of tater tot.
And for those of you who are subscribers of the channel, there is now a tater tot
emote and, uh, I believe carrots, you can also follow them at, uh, at F S D F G S.
Also do the art for tater tot.
So thank you guys for immortalizing, basically a weird thing.
So tater tot now has art and might potentially show up.
Might, might, I can't guarantee anything, but might show up in an animation
that alpha might do or so whenever he gets time, he's hard at work on the next episode.
So, uh, he's prioritizing that.
No worries.
So along with that, the room points, what these, uh, do the glory points
basically help us basically do extra damage to help out with roles and stuff like that.
The rune points, which is controlled by the game master, uh, that is used to
basically buff up the enemies and him to be very antagonistic against us.
There's several ways.
There's several ways in which he can mess with us.
And of course you see two dice, which are below us right now.
These are called our wrath dice.
These are actually the most valuable to us as players.
They allow us to reroll failed roles similar, cuz this is a D six system.
So any failed roles that kinda need to be helped.
Basically we were able to reroll those failed roles along with basically, uh,
using these rough dice to massively influence, uh, the story around us, along with some other things.
So with that, I hope that was good enough explanation.
Uh, some other things.
As well, one of the things we're trying to do to help you be, keep updated with the show.
One, we do have a patron, which is patron.com for size Warhams.
Uh, we also do things for free content for people.
They're mostly just keeping you updated and, uh, long, which is doing blog posts and
basically trying to be as transparent as we can of new developments, everything else.
So if you just want to keep updating the show or figure out what the hell we're
talking about, that'd be a good place along with the Twitter, where we also put
scheduling and everything else.
So, you know, where the future episodes will happen, uh, on twitter.com.
For us, that's Warham show is basically where that will be.
So for now, with that, I think I got most of the stuff away.
I, for summary, I keep thinking I am blanking on something Thurston.
Do you have anything else to add into it?
Uh, no.
Uh, the one thing I guess that I will add is something I said in the first episode, but
just as a rolling reminder to people, this is a role-playing game, people are going to,
uh, get stuff muddled.
So if we do have some rule that we do terribly wrong and you know,
Okay.
about wrath and glory feel free to call it out once in the chat trust me if you call it out once
that means there'll be a bunch of people who will call it out so we will get that fixed up we're all
learning this game together so yeah just a just a heads up or we're kind of open and good on that
sort of stuff but otherwise uh this is a narrative game we also may just decide to make some rulings
that just make things fun in addition uh for anyone who's doing donations because some of them
have come in specify what you're doing with them so unless uh unless you don't add a note to it
when you do the donation thing then i won't know what you're doing with it uh because other than
that but i do believe someone just as an assumption just in case i believe someone gave us a glory
already and with that and also i think there was a bit of another tear that someone got which i
will reveal later on so thirsty last episode where did we leave off last episode on
world of warcraft
warhams rule 20 decided it was not going to load for me okay um well hopefully this gets fixed up
okay last episode there we go uh last episode we we had quite a bit happen uh our our intrepid
band of adventurers uh who you've all just been introduced to received their briefing
from minister moderatum catcher van nord where they were being sent to the planet of fartham
four to investigate a missing embassy of agents our players are all
messengers
members of the officio ambassadorium a sort of new branch of this great crusade they're a part of
that goes out and requisitions resources for the for the crusade pcs were sent to fartham four
where they landed near the village of happy feastings and established peaceful diplomatic
contact with the town's mayor and local residents in fact the the contact went so well that the pcs
graciously offered to help a local farm that was under attack by a vicious group of xeno
fauna forms the uh the battle of meat place alpha as it came to be known was hard fought but in the
end the pcs managed to defeat the swarm of xenos and even had one rattling child prove themselves
a true servant of the imperium in the battle after that uh following a lead that the missing
embassy was in the capital pcs took took a shuttle made their way over to the capital
where advanced anti-aircraft weapons shot them down and they crashed into a field
they were almost destroyed and they were able to get to the capital and they were able to get to the
they were almost destroyed and they were able to get to the capital and they were able to get to the
by a crack team of uh rattling commando guards but were saved last minute by
a rattling named belba creepfoot
and where we start today's adventure is exactly where we left off in our first adventure
in this sort of late night pumpkin patch there's there's mist cooling around
and as as the the sun is just just going to come down and it's going to come down and it's going to
just starting the the very faintest of uh glimmers over the horizon uh and this uh this this
rattling woman has emerged to everyone who is now crowded around the the mostly smoldering wreckage
of the arvis and she says you and i swear all scots to talk about what
why are you here it's not by a decision mind you
we would rather be um we will point upwards
we'd rather be up there honestly
i see we should get away from here you can come to my
come to my hole come with me she turns
wait hold on i leave
laurne where are you going
i don't want to go in halls
laurne i'm sure it's
fine i'm sure she has
her odor talking in my ear
It's not okay! It's never been okay to go into the hobbit's holes!
What's a hobbit?
I don't know. I read it in an STC manual once.
She's pushing back the pumpkins in her way, and clearly making a path towards this river that is nearby.
Paya's just going to be, like, skittering towards her, crushing pumpkins underfoot, not even trying to push them out of the way.
Like, skittering? Do you, like, general Grievous up to her?
General Grievous, like, and then, like, backflip up. There's, like, back onto the feet.
Like, feet going over the head, onto the ground, rising up.
I wanted to have a good talk about this hole of yours.
For god's sake. It's close.
It's close. We're almost there. Come on.
Why do we need to go into your place hole thing? I don't understand.
We have to stay hidden. There are other gods that'll come.
The divinely told.
The tall ones will probably send them. They might be worried.
Yeah, we're very tall, too.
Worried about what? I think they're supposed to meet us.
I wouldn't know about that. They had orders that if any other divinely tall ones came up, they were to be imprisoned and brought to them.
Hmm. Um, curious question. What do these guards have on them?
Are they scary? Are they well-equipped, or are they, um...
If you'll excuse me. Equipped as yourself.
Well, I got my sling, and I'm a real good shot with it.
Sling?
A sling.
I don't see a sling.
They have some harbors.
I look around here, inspecting here.
Okay. All right, we're here.
And she sort of, like, beckons you into this doorway that's built into a curve just before the river, that is clearly covered over with what looks to be, um...
What looks to be impromptu camo netting.
Get in, all of you.
All right.
Yeah, sure.
We're gonna go in.
I suppose.
Better than going back to jail again.
We're all gonna die in here anyway.
Yeah, and, like, you all crouch down.
We're all gonna die in here.
Yeah, yeah, so you get inside.
Sweet.
Well, at least it's getting transparent.
And you enter, like, what is actually a pretty spacious interior.
Despite the lowered ceiling.
So you're all sort of crouching as you come in.
Except for the five ratlings who are accompanying you.
Tater Tot and Captain Zedek's four devotees.
But you come into this place that's lit with low-burning lanterns.
And the walls here are covered in parchment script.
And you see things on the wall as you enter that's, like, in big, bold, low-Gothic text that read,
Flat Imperium, question mark.
Or Aliens, exclamation point.
What looks to be almost like a sailing boat in the sky.
Come on in.
All right.
We're away from everything.
I'll, uh, get out of my disguise.
And with one hand, Belba reaches down and rips at her, um, rips at her pants.
And just pulls up.
Completely changing her form.
What does she look like now?
And, uh, as she changes, you can all see that somehow, like, the skin on her face peels off.
And she has the same sort of, like, ruddy, beaten-up clothing, though it's a darker hue with a cloak on top.
And the sling she mentioned.
And an eye patch that suddenly appears from underneath this face mask she was wearing.
What?
How did you?
No.
No.
This is fine.
This is fine.
Welcome to my hole.
Yeah, thanks.
What is the purpose of the disguise?
That's, that's where the pointy-eared aliens are, up in disguise.
No.
Disguise.
D-I-S-G-U-I-S-E.
No, the aliens.
They're in disguise.
Yes, I'm sure.
Continue.
I'm a bit something of a sneaker myself.
So, all of you, what are you here for?
I feel like I'm having a stroke.
We're here to, uh, get points and win.
Yeah, what he said.
It's to a point we, um, um, Zedek, you know the mission briefing, right?
I lost everything.
I didn't remember anything past the points discussion.
Your brain just pushes Zedek in front of him.
Go talk to him!
Go talk to him!
Go talk to him!
I'm scared!
Fine, fine.
And, and, and Belba looks up at you.
You're not much to look at, are ya?
The embassy.
We're here to see the embassy, Belba.
The emb- you mean the other, the, the divinely tall lords?
She, like, suddenly has chew in her mouth and just, like, spits onto the ground.
Where did you get that from?
At a dull time, you just didn't notice.
Of course, just like I didn't notice the eyepatch.
Yes, we're here to see the divinely tall ones.
The other, more divinely taller ones sent us to find out what happened to them.
I'm assuming by, I guess we were supposed to go to jail, that they are the ones who are still alive.
So, I suppose that's part of the mission done.
Well, it's where they lead the planet from now, is the capital.
In the interior of the capital.
They've set up nice little homes there.
May I ask, and pardon me for a moment, I'm going to take my, uh, I'm going to turn to Lorne and I'm going to say,
Lorne, could you please cover your ears for just a moment here?
Okay!
I just go, pow, like a big, like two slappings.
I turn back to-
Hanging some weird Fenrisian tale to myself.
If you don't mind, little ma'am, could you please tell us the name of this capital?
It's, it's just the capital.
Well, well, no need to worry then.
No potential maulings will occur from hearing the name of a place.
I'm going to snap my fingers in front of Lorne.
We're good to go, Lorne.
What?
So, uh, whatever.
What?
What are we?
So, are you needing to get into the capital?
What is he saying?
Precisely.
What?
All right.
I motion to Lorne to just move his hands away from his ear.
What?
I...
I start smacking the sides of my head and pulling my hands away.
I, I grab one of Lorne's hands, put it to the side, lean into his ear.
She says that she can lead us to the capital!
What?
I'm deaf in this ear.
Ah, let me grab that one.
She says-
Oh, okay.
Look, I just-
And she pauses, grabs the onion on her belt, and takes a bite from it.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
I don't like what the Divinely Tall Ones have done to this place.
If you're gonna get rid of them, then I'll help you.
Wait, what do they do?
They suck all the resources of this world for themselves.
All of the other settlements across the planet have to divert all their food, and, and, and,
peoples to the capital now.
Oh, that's a bit bizarre.
I'm wondering why they would need everyone, considering-
Well, if you'll pardon me for a moment, ma'am.
Your stock is much shorter than that of an average Imperial soldier.
I'm curious why they would need all the bodies.
Well, I know that the, the Divine Lord of Fervor holds congregations in the capital.
Hmm.
Well?
Congregations.
I believe, I believe all of this is now clear, then.
You might be, might find the missing folks and gather the materials, since they're all
gonna be conveniently in the capital.
I could get you there undetected if you need.
I sometimes trade taters in there, so you could hide in my tater cart.
In, in your tater cart?
Yeah.
The fucker with these names.
All right.
I suppose we could, considering that we got attacked by taters on the way here.
Oh, you mean the hotpots?
Yeah.
They use them to bring down anything in the skies.
I kept saying they needed to keep them loaded for when the aliens come.
What?
Why, why, why are you so convinced that Xenos are going to attack your, um, uh, your, uh,
uh, green shithole?
And she pauses and sort of looks, looks you over for a moment.
Because they've been here before.
Haven't you ever wondered why we make our, our burrow homes in curving lines?
It's cause they love the curvature.
Now I'm not saying that our burrow homes are because of aliens, but it's probably because
of aliens.
I mean, I love the curvature too, but that doesn't mean I build them.
But that doesn't mean I build my home on the side of a hill.
I say it's nothing but a bunch of conspiracy theorist rats.
Hold on, hold on.
They're talking about curves.
What is this?
And I take one of the paper that says flat Imperium.
What does this mean?
Oh, that's something I've been, uh, trying to get going around here.
The idea that, that wider Imperium that we keep hearing about, it's actually flat.
Wait, what?
What is this having to do with the saying?
Rare fear I have in the first place.
And maybe some kind of anti conspiracy theories.
I saw something.
It's not like Reave would рow over this.
I can probably control it.
We can landed on a little bit.
Okay.
Now I can't tell.
And I was like, brain, brain, we have a ship in orbit.
I'm sure we can make this as flat as this person wants it to be, if this is the carbon ideal.
And that's when you also come to a bit of a realization.
Um, Captain Zedek, like, you don't have any, you know, surface-to-orbital comms beyond the Arvis, which was wrecked in the crash.
Zedek, we can call a bombardment on this place, right?
Shh, no.
We could theoretically do some landscaping.
But I certainly hope you didn't forget the radio box.
We didn't necessarily...
We didn't necessarily have one that wasn't built in to the punitive damage.
By some warfuckery, I'm immediately in front of you going, what?
So, unfortunately, as much as I'm sure you would like to level this entire colony, we can't.
Right now. Maybe!
Why not?
Oh, I apologize. I go over to his non-death ear and get real close.
And he's like, hmm, there's no radio here.
Unless you can turn brain into a living radio, that's...
We're done. That's... We don't have any other comms.
We're stranded until we can get off this world.
Can I make a psychic mastery test to see if I can...
My sword is already out, pointing at...
I rush up to brain, and I grab his, like, wrist with the handle.
And I'm like, we have to contact the forces!
I don't want to be stranded in this place any longer!
Oh, no.
Can I do a psychic...
Can I do a psychic...
Psychic mastery test to see if I can enhance his sword to become, like, just a radio beam to see if I can contact our ship?
I'll let you roll some dice for this, sure.
Could it be in the form of psychic mastery?
Before we do any rolls, can I please move this apparatus they're trying outside of the underground house?
Like, so you're going to, like, as Lorne goes up, you will drag Lorne and Pi out of the...
Out of the hole to try to...
Yes, because you can't set up a radio antenna under the dirt!
Excellent.
We probably could.
Let's go outside.
Now we're going to have some He-Man, She-Ra-esque raising of the sword, like a...
Okay, okay, sure, sure.
Give me a psychic mastery test.
Let's see what happens here.
Good.
Roll.
There's a complication.
Of course there is.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
All right.
Can you roll me 2d6?
Sure can!
I will see what happens.
That is a 43.
Okay, okay, okay.
So as this is going, as you look it up, I'm grabbing Brain's thing, going,
I don't want to be surrounded here!
Please!
And it's just lightning, like, clouds are forming above us.
Lightning begins to crack.
I'll just...
And then what happens?
And everyone...
Everyone within, like, 50...
So basically everyone in the immediate area, all of you suffer this, like, ringing in your
ears as you look up, or those of you inside try to look around but can't see anything,
towards Pie Brain's power sword held high, and you all just suddenly have this ringing
and this taste of bitterness and iron in your mouths, and you look at the person next to
you like you want to punch or stab or kick them, and, like, very quickly it abates, but
there's just this absolute moment of bloodlust, and, yeah, the clouds start swirling clearly
above the epicenter of the sword, but no, you can't turn the power sword into a radio,
and so as you channel all of this energy, you've done, like, a weather effect, which
might get noticed, but that's about it.
As a free action, can I shut the door to the hovel so we don't have our brains irradiated?
Yes, yes.
I slam the door shut, leaving the two idiots outside to destroy the sword.
So, my sword, presumably smoking with immaterial energy, finally is lowered as Brain gets
out of, like, the vice grip of lore.
He's going to hold Lorne by his coattails and lift him up, and he's going to say,
Lorne!
You need to get a hold of yourself!
There is no more space!
Don't lie to me.
Don't lie to me, Brain.
We've been there.
This world!
And do you know what that means?
It means we must consult the canticles of the Omnissiah, embrace the Shroud Psalm, and
begin to engage in...
Gorilla Warfare.
So, with Gorilla Warfare, we cut back inside the hobbit hole with Reeb and Zedek.
Zedek will turn, too.
And, like, everyone is kind of shaking their head, even Belba, and she looks up and is
like, what was all of that about?
Zedek will turn, too.
It's standard.
Absolutely standard.
Well, solid scallion.
It appears, if we were trying to have a stealth mission, that has gone out the window.
Or the hovel.
I could still get you there.
We've just got to get you in the tater cart right quick.
Right.
Um, Captain, should we go and inform the two gentlemen outside, crying themselves to death,
of the notion of being safe?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, you can turn shield, if you need it.
I think we should go and inform them, although I'm afraid I'm losing all my hair.
Uh, how quickly can you tell them?
Come on, tell me.
can we get into the into your stealthy cart come on or lead the way and she heads towards the door
rushing past you and opening it to the the still shouting pie brain and lorne um with pie trying to
calm lorne down she just pauses in front of the two you two come on you're getting in the tater
cart gorilla i guess i guess as you're like meowing i'm coming too should i get the tater
cart i'm having an uh an imagination as they come out of the hovel hole i'm like crouched over
rattling bones just in my hands and tossing them on the ground with like some finrisian runes on
them and i'm like okay okay and i'm just freaking out trying to read them and i look over my tater
cart that's where i need to go and i quickly join yeah so so
i'm just freaking out trying to read them and i look over my tater cart that's where i need to go
so you come and it's it's just this like standard like wagon cart that is filled with potatoes on
the back of it um and and so belba turns she's like all right uh looks like your your rattling
friends will have to get in first and and so yeah uh the first the first thing that happens is the
the rattlings uh all of your devotees that climb and basically form a carpet at the bottom of the
cart and then like then you can kind of sneak yourselves in covering yourselves somewhat
reasonably with with potatoes and and then belba stops tater tot not you little one you're gonna
you're gonna give me some some extra charm at the gate so stay with me hold on i must say goodbye
to tater tot before we embark on this mission that may well claim our lives a moment
and my arm is just like after like this like sad crying simulator is just going to zoom punch out
just like three times its normal volume grab tater tot's chest like a claw machine wrench him back
and then he's just going to kind of go like behind the house okay yes you quickly rush off
with potatoes like spilling in your neck yeah yeah tater tot yeah now
you will become a gorilla
what you will be the one thing between this world and madness madness what's a gorilla i don't know
now uh your duty will be once we have made it past the gate this dumbo bumbo bee barbo
foot woman with the
eye patch she doesn't she's just really annoying and getting on my nerves so your job will be
when her god is down analyze assassination subroutines and make as the sicarians do
do you understand
saying you love me there's there's just this like stare
and then just this
dead eyes my glory yes yes you shall be the killing blow the killing blow all right i'm done
and i'm just gonna drop him on the ground and walk back to the cart yeah you go you go back
in the cart like nestling yourself between your three compatriots and the carpet of ratlings
underneath uh belba gets ready and sort of hefts things up and then just tater tot starts walking
back to the cart and he's like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry
towards the tater cart uh stroking the the geraldine tusk like my glory my glory
um and and yeah so with that you suddenly feel this like lurch as belba clearly lifts up the
cart and through some superhuman strength just begins pulling all of you along with
tater tot in front of her towards the capital
man so perhaps we should go back to the cart and go back to the cart and go back to the cart
so perhaps we should pass this time by singing some songs
i don't think we should sing songs when we're trying to be stealthy
brain well i know a song no don't sing wait and fork feet kind of fork feet is kind of like
i know a song though what song what song is it
i like potatoes i like potatoes i hit him oh
with my
hey you don't get to hit fork feet only i get to hit him because he listens to what i say without
question oh okay here you go here's my staff down in the tater cart no give lauren his staff back
no i'm not gonna actually hit him no no disapprendable i hit lauren as the chat is suggesting
we do hey what's the idea it's just like a bunch of rustling potatoes and your faces are clearly
visible
through them as belbis moving this cart
one of the potatoes have a beard
yes
all you hear is a weird
all you hear from inside is just a and then you hear lauren just shout in pain
while they're like inside this massive potato pile just buried in potatoes
pie is going to place a hand on reeb's shoulder reeb yeah yes he's gonna take a potato on his other
hand
And eat this.
All right, wait one sec, she says.
And you're nowhere near the capital.
It's only been like two or three minutes.
But you see these two gray-skinned creatures that you would recognize as servitors, were it not for their substature and height.
Like, they're very short servitors.
Rattling servitors.
And they clearly have been modified so that their hands can plug into the cart.
And they just essentially walk up and plug in to the wooden boards that are coming out and start moving it.
This seems highly inefficient.
No.
Have you seen this world?
Yes.
He makes a good point.
Have you looked at it lately?
This is exceptionally inefficient.
Why would you need servitors to pull a cart?
Well, how else are you going to make a rat rod?
What?
I look at Zedek.
No.
Yeah, and so these two servitors start just trucking on forward with Belba in front.
And you can see that the sun is now starting to rise in the distance.
It's got this kind of...
Nice orangish-blue hue to it.
That you can peek between the various taters that are covering your faces.
All right.
Can everyone that's in the tater cart, so all of you, give me an awareness test.
Sure can, boss.
Awareness test.
That's my speciality.
Let me roll this failure.
I got a glory.
I also got a glory.
Nice, nice.
Two glories.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
So, there we go.
Two glories.
Cool.
Okay.
So, all of you have this moment of clarity where you're just looking around and not bickering for just a few moments.
And it's Reeb who gets the first sight of the capital in the distance.
And Reeb, what you see is this sort of idyllic village, like Happy Feastings, only far more condensed.
A lot more borough homes.
A lot more wineries.
A lot more winding paths.
Though there's one primary path, unlike Happy Feastings, that kind of cuts through everything.
And it goes up this slight, very minimal incline, which means the path, much like Happy Feastings, takes a very long time to pass through.
Towards a central portion of this settlement that has a, like, dark wooden fence around it.
Now, from a distance, it looks fairly tall.
But as you get closer, Reeb, you notice that this fence is...
Maybe four feet.
Like, something you could easily just lift yourself over.
But there are, like, guard towers at the top of it.
And you can see Bratlings either armed with slings that they lazily twirl or large pikes that are, you know, maybe the size of a standard weapon to all of you.
Sitting down and holding their pikes in one hand and snacking on onions and potatoes.
Why did we need to sneak into this place?
It's because you do not underestimate the abilities of a moron.
Have I ever told you about the war in Engine Aft 5 on the Strange Aeon?
Tell it to me, but on a lower decibel level. We're trying to be stealthy.
Okay. So there was this one time where all of these medials rebelled.
Continue, Thurston.
And you just hear this shout coming from...
One of the guard towers.
Looks like you've got a good set of taters for us.
And Belba looks up, nodding, and sort of pats the side of the cart with the two servitors.
Yeah, yeah, I do.
I also need to get my servitors looked at by the scientist...
The divine lord of science.
Are any of you doing anything?
I'm watching the guard towers with growing disdain for the fact that we had to try and stealth our way in.
I have my hand out in a little hole that's pointing at all the various guards ready to cast any psychic finagle stuff.
I can crush that one, and then I can turn that one into a meatball, and then I can destroy that one if he does anything.
I'm planning which one to psychic first if they do anything.
Who's the kid with you, Belba?
Oh, no.
Uh, this is, uh...
It's a tourist from, uh...
He's from Happy Feastings.
Roy, I'm from Happy Feastings.
Would you like...
Would you like to see my glory?
No, no, no, no.
Abort! Abort!
Good! Good!
And...
And the guard's like, oh, god's sake!
Like, there's this laborious pause, and the cart comes to a stop...
...and the guard starts climbing down the tower.
We just hear, like, wood creaks with each step.
Oh, yeah!
Like, wood's creaking.
He pauses halfway to take a bite from his potato.
Comes down...
While breathing at the same time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, like...
That looks...
That looks like a...
Like a Geraldine horn.
No, no.
No.
It's...
It's my glory.
Oh, my emperor.
It was not just a colloquial.
It was...
Isn't there that stupid?
Oh.
Well.
Look at you.
And I'm going to roll for the guard's perception.
Or awareness, I should say.
We'll see.
We'll see how this goes.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Okay, so the guard has a complication.
Nice.
And a...
Yeah, yes.
Yes, I.
Do we get to decide what it is?
Or do you get to decide what it is?
I mean, you can offer suggestions.
I mean, this guy seems pretty decrepit.
It'd be really funny if he had a heart attack.
Yeah.
I would also just kind of like to suggest that Reap sees him peering closely to the cart
and very deftly and stealthily wants to just chuck a potato at his eye.
And he's just like, oh, I guess I didn't see anything.
He wanders away with the potato jammed in his eye.
Huh.
Let's bring him to win.
And he walks away.
I will.
I will.
Accept the...
Like, flung potato option.
Can you just make him an oblivion guard?
Yeah.
He just, like, walks over.
And, like, Reap's like, no, no, no, no, no.
And just kind of shoves that potato out.
Yeah, hits him, like, square in the eye.
And you just hear him backs up.
And he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
And he clutches at his heart momentarily.
Like, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh.
And in his other hand that's not clutching the heart,
because now he, like, hasn't brought his weapon down,
because it's like a small child.
That he wanted to see a thing of.
And he needed both his hands to climb down.
He's, like, he's clutching the tater that hit him in the eye.
And he's like, huh, huh, huh.
Aren't you a Trixie one?
Snack, snack, snack.
Escaping from my pockets, you are.
Sneak attack critical times five.
Looks, uh, looks like you, uh, you've got a wily, uh,
wily load of taters this time, Bilbo.
I'll leave you to it.
And he turns.
He turns and, and, like, goes to climb up.
And again, you just hear this creaking of wood.
And, and Reeb is slightly punished for his prior high awareness test.
Because you clearly see, like, the pants of this guard not all the way.
And there's just, like, this, like, plumber's butt crack
as he climbs back up the ladder with the creaking wood
and the, the occasional pause and the.
Luck, Reeb.
Anatomy.
You hear a very faint muffled, speckle that crack, yo.
And then, yeah, you, uh, you manage to, you manage to, to get past that and, uh,
or the guard manages to climb up, I should say, and, and then gives, gives a signal that
has the, the gate opened and there's this, like, slight little, like, movement of wood
and the gate door opens and the servitors begin continuing on.
And, uh, tater.
You're taught.
You just hear.
I think he really liked my glory.
That is because he feared you.
He will know, he will know soon enough how great your glory is, child.
Now keep up the good work.
Yeah, and, and so you, you carry on for maybe a few more minutes
when finally, uh, Belba stops.
And she goes, all right.
I've put us in an alley.
You can, you can.
You can pop out now.
And, and as you, you pop out of, of the, uh, the, the, the tater cart, um, you can see
around.
You're, you're in an alley between two, two buildings.
That's clearly the alley, uh, like, carries on to, to the edge of the fence.
But the, the other direction, probably where you entered the alley from, based on tracks
on the ground, you see this wide open city center that's covered in just stalls, much
like the ones you saw at Mayor Hogpin's that are just, you know, like, you know, like,
you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you
know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like,
more going on in that, that area, but you'd have to peer out of the alley.
How bizarre.
It's a bizarre.
Bizarre.
I, I started getting out of the cart.
I assume a mountain of potatoes spill over.
Oh yeah.
And, and you could.
tell that the potatoes are
actually lowering because you just hear
at the bottom of the cart
nom nom nom nom
from all of Zedek's followers who have just been
gorging the entire time.
I don't know whether to be impressed
or sickened. Your followers
brought a cover, Zedek.
They'll be excellent.
I think there were a number of factors that almost blew the
cover, but I don't think it was that easy.
And Forfeet kind of like, yeah, peers his head up and is
Well, we can't
serve on an empty stomach.
You had brunch
like an hour ago.
Well,
third brunch.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
You can't serve on an empty stomach, but you can
clearly serve on an empty head.
Alright, let's figure out where we're going.
They have a high metabolism. It's just
natural. Just deal with it. It'll be fine.
It's disgusting.
I get off and I start helping everybody
get off the cart. Yeah, yeah.
You all quickly get out.
You're all sort of like crouching down in this alley.
So
what way to the
um, uh, guys, we gotta
hit with this.
And I pull out the sword.
Bzzz.
Pelba leans in. I'll have to leave
you here, but there's a
grate in the center of
the market there.
If you go into that, it connects to the old
Imperial Governor's underground
building that they've been, the divinely
tall lords have been.
So we have to find a way to get
into the middle of the bazaar
as people who are
taller than the entire planetary
population.
We can cut a hole through the
cart and just kind of
go through the cart and below
and then go through the gate.
Lord, are you kidding?
That will never work. I have another
plan.
And Pi
is just going to get on his knees.
And he's going to start walking like that.
Oh my.
I follow suit.
I took off my shoes and I put
them on my knees.
I do some straight stuff and I like tuck my
legs up and I, ah, excellent plan.
And I have this humi- I use this stat to keep
me up when I start waddling out.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's just, that's how we're
going to do this.
Reeb is going to not
do that, but I am going to button my
coat up, like, fully.
So that you can only see, like, my neck.
And my head. And I'm going to
walk as normal. Okay.
And Captain Zedek, will you, uh,
proverbially and literally
lower yourself to the standards of your
two other compatriots?
I think I'll have
the, uh, mashed potato platoon
group around me. Because I'm not going to take-
I can't take off my boots and walk on my knees.
So I'm going to instead
crawl, because this is what I have
stooped to at this point.
As the four other halflings
surround me and act as my-
They are my visual
cover. I-
It's like the Secret Service
with, like, one-
like, two halflings on each of your
shoulders, and then two by
your, like, knees. And they're just kind
of, like, barely hoisting you
up and moving you.
No, I mean, they're just- I'm just literally crawling
on the ground in the middle of them.
They're just holding potatoes to their ears, like,
Check this out. This one. It's clear
this way. Let's move.
Rogue traitors on the move. Rogue traitors-
Okay, yeah. Absolutely. Alright.
So, you- you have this
brilliant, brilliant plan.
Brilliant!
Like, the way- the way that this starts is
the camera is now outside
of the alley, and it's just, like,
focused towards just, like, the
first foot of the alley at an angle.
And then we just hear this
as
Pie Brain emerges, like,
head going to side to side
on his knees, and then just
as he continues
moving forward on his
knees. And then you hear, like, a similar
sound, but occasionally
broken up by a ka-thunk
of a staff. Like, it's almost like-
I don't know. There's a Dark Souls boss that's like
this. But, like, Lorne comes out
on his knees and then uses his staff and drags
himself with his staff.
And then, of course,
Reeb just walks out, like,
tall, cloaked,
clearly, you know, hiding
from the paparazzi. Like,
I'm not affiliated with these
people. And then
the secret rattling protection
service comes out afterwards.
So,
none of you have to make any immediate
checks for this. Instead, you all kind of
come out and get a good look at the area.
So, as I said, there's- oh, go ahead.
So, the reason I wanted to
actually remain standing was because I'm
betting that everything is, well, obviously
really fucking short.
Can I actually see, like,
a Capitol building anywhere in
the vicinity? Like, because I know we're behind
a closed gate area, but considering
I'm actually standing up, it'll probably be easier
to see. Well, you're now
past the gate, so you're inside
and between these two buildings. So, as you
peer out,
probably, like, peering out as
Brayne and Lorne have had their great plan
and, like, you know- Hey, it's working!
Dragging themselves.
What you do end up seeing
is the open bazaar,
which is sort of this just open market,
but it's not quite a market.
Like, there are all these stalls of food
and, like I say, fruits
and baguettes and
meat chunks, but then there are
long tables. Like, you know, your
typical convention two-by-eight
table of wood
on which lounge
shirtless
ratlings.
And they sort of have
these stretched
poses as they lounge in the
dawning sun with
nothing but their undergarments on.
Reaching over, like, some
kind of Roman
statues, grabbing at
fruits and meat chunks
and eating. And you can tell
that, like, these are
very different ratlings from the ones
you could- like, you've ever
dealt with before.
I think this might be
a good opportunity
for Reeb
to give me an insight
check. Alright, that'll
be fun. I haven't used that before.
Let's see what I have for that. So that's under
skills? Yes, it is.
Well, it's still not a bad check.
Oh, perfect!
That's a five total as a result.
Yeah, yeah.
So with a five, you can
tell that these are clearly
the ruling noble
ratlings of Farthemfore
who've gated themselves
off from the regular populace and
now gorge on all of these resources
that have just been funneled to the capital
and have
kind of reached this sort of indolent
state you've only heard of in the
most debauched of, like,
imperial textbooks.
Ah, good. Hiddenest halflings.
Just what we needed today. We can clearly
see the division between the potatoletariat
and the bourgeois gratin.
Are you saying that
while, like, crawling
on the ground stealthily?
Slightly hushed.
Reeb is going to
smother a chuckle off of that.
That's really good. I'm actually really
hulking. I'm really impressed with that.
Give him a round of applause!
Give him a hand!
Oh, please.
I have plenty more puns. You'll get sick of them eventually.
We'll fucking kill you.
Continuing on.
So as you, as you, uh, like,
do this, like, Reeb, you just come out and see this and
realize they are so
lazy and indolent, they just
don't even notice
you. They're just basking in the
sun, and as you come out, it sounds
almost like a battlefield with the
amount of moaning that's coming out of these
rattlings, like,
as they're just kind
of, like, tossing and turning in the sun
on these tables and enjoying
the foodstuffs around.
How very odd
that they've chosen to
bask in the sun like some kind
of reptilian creature
when clearly they are, well,
mammals.
Which I believe they are.
I checked my book again to make sure
they're not reptiles.
You there! You there!
One of them calls.
Can you pass
me a grape?
They're too far.
And she clearly is
reaching towards this
vine of grapes that
is, like, she would have to
inconveniently actually
stretch to reach, but she's
just... I can help.
I can help.
I can picture
the psychic fire in your eyes
as you turn. I point to it
and cast Phantom Grip,
which suffers no complication,
and I do it successfully.
Yes.
And I say, sure,
I can, and I basically
lift the grape up and I shove
it in its mouth, just full on,
just for the whole thing, just
as deep as I can, and I
Yeah, you are. And I continue to waddle.
Okay, yeah, yeah,
you continue to waddle, and she
makes a toughness test.
Actually, like, okay,
Thank you.
Oh,
crunch, crunch, crunch, and
yeah, it's just the sound of, like, crunching
food and low, audible
moaning as you
make your way through the center of this area,
and eventually you reach
the grate that's located
conspicuously
beside two food tables
that do not have any
of the lounging, rattling tables
nearby.
Really quick, and kind of stealthily,
can I, like, reach over
and grab some food off one of the carts,
or are they actually watching them like
hogs?
Like, from your insight check, you know they
they're barely caring about anything. Like, there's
so much food here that they
aren't even able to eat it all
They've just had it all brought
to them and are just grabbing
whatever's closest.
Can I just grab, like, a couple
Like, how much can I reasonably
grab and stuff within the pockets of my
coat before, like, I have to move on
again? I mean, you can grab some, like,
fruits and breadstuffs.
I'm guessing you don't necessarily want to take, like,
juicy meat chunks in your
your attire, but
Yeah, you can grab some, like, breads and stuff.
I don't have any plastic bags, so yeah.
Yeah. Assume you
have a good amount
of fruit and breads.
Good.
And, like, yeah, so I
guess the question now is, yeah, you have Belba
and, sort of, tater tots at the alley
and looks over to all of you, like,
What?
Should I come with you?
No!
You have to go and
be a gorilla!
Yeah, go be a gorilla, son!
Like that! Go!
Go defend the
plot with Belba.
Go destabilize the local government for
Get outta here! And I pull a potato
from my sleeve and I just throw it at him.
Is it like
a sad moment where I'm like, I don't love you anymore
for your own safety!
Get outta here! And he just, sort of,
like, sits at the edge of the
alley, you know,
friggin', like, halfway between
darkness and light stroking his
glory. Oh my!
I look at Brain,
I look at Brain, I shoot a tracker on his ankle
or something. Quickly! You got one of those in your arm, right?
Don't shoot the kid!
I'm not shootin' the fuckin' kid! We're tryin' to put a tracker on the kid!
Turn the place forward!
And he walks into the
darkness. My glory!
We'll see him again, don't worry.
I hope he finds us a way to
talk to the ship. It's going to be really
sad when he gets shot.
Alright, let's go.
I don't think we'll have a future career
if he dies. Now, as we go,
as I go to the grate,
I get to the grate and I, um,
I look around it and I'm kind of like,
well, do I want to do this the stealthy way
or the psychic way?
And again, the whole time it's just like,
in the background from the Rattlings.
I'm just like, I'm disgusted now.
Gonna try
to lift the
grate with my strength
six.
Give me a roll, just
because. Okay, sure.
Yeah.
Alright.
Complication.
And I guess my arms are just going
as like the individual hands
circle around it.
And...
You pull it off easily, it just clunk,
comes right off.
Excellente. We should be
good to go! And I just roll in
headfirst. Okay.
Yeah, so you hop down.
Um, the rest of you I assume
quickly follow. Yep.
Um, you find
yourselves not in a sewer, but just
in a, like, underground
tunnel. Uh, Pi, you find
the familiar and welcome
kiss of old
rusted metal on your feet
as you land. Oh!
Sort of, like, grating, hitting,
and giving a lovely ka-thunk sound
as you come down here. Oh,
omniscient blessed metal,
beneath my feet,
the only green is vomit and
sludge. And there's, like,
the area here is pretty
clean, it's just more, like, rust from
disuse. Um, and you see
small lumen strips along the
the walls here. It's maybe
a two meter wide
hall that carries on
uh, straight down with
lumens at regular intervals, and then
maybe
fifty meters down
you can see some kind of
juncture with, uh,
with some sort of signpost on
it. Ah.
I will begin approaching it.
What does it say?
Yeah, so all of you kind of start going in.
The four ratlings company you zetic
in behind, and
it's, it's sort of this break
and it reads
like, there's basically, like,
three arrows, one
pointing north, one east, one, uh,
one west, and then nothing back from where you
came. Uh, and they, they say,
they each say, divine
lord of war, divine lord
of science, divine lord
of fervor.
Are there convenient
arrows pointing where we need to go to find them?
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, like there's arrows
beside each of them.
Well, I believe we were
off to go find the fervor
one, I think.
I know we're supposed to find him initially, although
the divine lord of science
may have a means to talk to the ship.
Depends whose butt
we're willing to kick first.
That is true.
Should we perhaps split into
two groups and check them out separately?
Nope.
I highly disagree.
Lorne's infinite wisdom is
infinitely wise.
I say, I say
we all stay as a group and let's
go visit the lord of fervor, unless
anyone, unless everyone else has a major
objection to go see the other one?
No, I
suppose we can kill them all in time.
Yeah, yeah, just one at a time.
They need to be warned first.
Let's start with the big boy.
Okay. Yeah, so you're gonna make your way to
towards the lord of fervor.
Okay, so
as you continue on, the grading
goes on for quite some ways.
There's some, like, twists and turns in the path.
These are blessed 90 degree
angles, however, so
there's no curvature in this. There's
just sharp turns.
Which I'm sure makes Pi super happy.
If this was Darkest Dungeon, I'm sure
Brain's, like, stress levels
would be reduced.
Absolutely, yeah, dramatically.
Yeah. However,
eventually that grading ends
and the ground becomes replaced
with
tiles of marble.
Ooh. Like finely worked
marble and dark stone
in a sort of
back and forth pattern
with small
like astrological
symbols that have been
carved into them.
And everyone
you start hearing in the distance
this,
ooh,
chanting.
That sounds
like the imperial cult.
They're so
bad at singing. I said it.
I said it. I shouldn't have said it.
It's true.
It's true. We're better at it.
We're better at it.
How are you better at it?
You're singing nothing but fucking dialogue
tones.
You just don't have the correct modifications
to understand it.
Music is a technological language.
And as you say that, you turn a corner
and you see this massive
wooden door
that blocks the path forward and it
it has, um, like it's a push
door and it's pretty big.
You'd guess, like, this door is
four meters wide.
That's positively massive, perhaps.
Yes.
As if the door was made
for not
ratlings.
So let's get our story straight.
We are going to burst in here
and we are going to kill
him?
Not necessarily.
We should probably see if they want to kill us
first.
And we don't have to burst in.
I'm sure it's probably a misunderstanding.
They probably got lost here and stranded
just as we are. They never could find a way
out and they had to just make do
with what they did and they thought about governing
the whole place. We don't know yet.
Let's just go inside
see what happens, you know,
get some negotiations in and try to find
a way for all of us to get off.
Yes, Lorne, you are truly
the great diplomat.
Lorne, that is a surprisingly
um, non-violent
way of going about this.
And if he fights with this, I will kill him
and turn him into a meatball. Let's go!
There he goes.
I'm going to try the door.
So you go to the door
and try, but it's
heavy, like
you kind of have to put your back into it if you want to
push this open.
Like a strength test type thing.
Or...
I will assist my friend if he
chooses to do that. Yeah, you do that
or I'm going to start doing psychic magic at it.
Okay, yeah, I will try
to open the door with my big
meaty claws.
No!
Someone in the party
has got to have a high strength.
Oh, wow!
Okay, then.
That's the power!
You cap out the party glory by
slamming open this door.
It just goes wide and you find
yourselves in this immense
chamber that probably goes 25
meters north to south, if not
slightly more. And
there's like rows of
benches, these
stone pews
that are flanked by large
column pillars. And this
place ascends probably
10 to
15 meters in height.
It's a massive area.
And further down
though the rows immediately,
you can see ratlings
covering the pews at the
northern edge of this
assembly area. And
they all turn around
and past
the ratlings, far at the end,
is this pulpit, above which
stands this figure
who points a
crooked finger. And you can
see this figure because they're
actually very clearly elevated above
the pulpit, which is
size for a normal human.
But their
chest and even some of the
top of their legs is visible.
And when I say the top of their legs, it's because
they're wearing what clearly looks to be
almost a speedo to show off
their legs.
Oh.
Ow.
That's one.
Ow. Thanks, Garrett.
Ow.
And so this
figure appears
and points at you
and
shouts in this resounding
echo across the entire
chamber,
Why have you come to
interrupt the sermon?
Of my legs.
We have come
to rescue you.
Your fucking
what?
Oh my god.
You have found
yourselves in the majesty
of my legs.
You should all abase
yourselves before my
legs. The fucking
what?
What?
For I, the divine
vessel of the emperor,
and thanks to he
who sits on the golden throne,
I have been blessed.
With my legs.
Okay, boys, plan
blurred. Kill him immediately.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
Not immediately.
Brain is going to begin to approach
the pulpit.
So you are not being
held captive here.
No!
My congregation
follows me
and the will of the emperor
and my legs.
And your legs. Okay.
So you and your legs,
are you responsible for the fact
that not enough of these stupid
people's pathetic food stuff
are not going to the flesh
mouths of a thousand worlds
whatever and whatnot. Is that your fault?
When I came here,
they would not listen, they would not follow,
they continually complimented
me on my legs.
And so I realized the emperor
gifted this to me
and through him I could
conquer this world
with my legs. Well, I am about
to conquer your legs
with my arms.
So come on down here.
I am about to destroy your entire skeletal
structure with my psychic.
I begin the cast crush
unless someone is going to stop me.
I put my head on lord and serve me.
Please do not
break anybody's legs.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm giving everyone a chance to stop.
My hands are coming up with psychic energy
and I get like slow motion
and I allow my party members
to kind of like intervene.
I will put my arm towards
Loren's arm and try to lower them.
Okay.
Alright, captain.
You legitimized this shit.
Say that again?
Reeb, what are you doing during this?
I'm trying to figure out
why the hell everyone is
immediately starting this fight.
But also, uh, I'd just like to roll
a Medicaid to find out why the rest of
his legs are so grossly
in proportional to the rest of him.
Yeah, of course.
I'm not getting any closer because
my own personal revulsion to this being
is very high.
But Reeb is just like trying to understand
from a distance because he can see Loren doing
deadly bullshit.
Yeah.
So I'm going to do a Medicaid check.
Yeah, give me the Medicaid check and based on the results
of that I'll give you some potential
information on the
divine lord of reverse. Okay, with a three
you can tell that this is just a
bog standard human who just
has ridiculously long legs.
Like, this is
like a medical
abnormality to be
quite this long, but you know
it's a thing that can happen.
Can I tell from this distance how tall he is?
Um,
he's pushing like the
upper levels of like
six foot eight.
Is he standing on his
tiptoes?
Yes. Yes he is.
To get taller. Yes.
Yes, honey.
His legs do go all the way up.
So he is abnormally
tall, so they're not holding their reverence
for just a normal sized person.
So for people who only listen to audio,
let's try to paint this picture.
That's a good idea. We have entered a cathedral.
You know, some hymns and stuff
are happening. Rattlings are around
the area worshiping
this fucker's legs. Think of a
Warhammer 40,000 like
priest or like a Voxpreach or something
like that and imagine the
robes are like,
are there, but the lower half is
not and he's like in this stupid fucking
speedo. He has long ass
fucking legs which are hairy and
gross and you would make fun of them at the beach.
And he's also wearing these fucking
like socks or some shit and
he's tiptoeing like a ballerina
and he is a
grody ass looking bastard.
So that's to help paint the picture
for people in the
audio version. Lauren is really
wanting to justify murdering this
person. And I want to snap his legs in half.
This guy looks like Mandark.
Yeah, he does
a little bit.
I think we have mandarked it a little bit too much, Matt.
But you now are all intruding
on my sanctum and the sanctum
of my legs. But you
understand by us, well
we're not really intruding so much as you're intruding
upon the affairs of the Imperium at large
as a son of the Emperor
himself in all his infinite
majesty has sent us to find
you and bring you back into the fold.
The Emperor has blessed me to
rule this world through my legs.
The Emperor did not fucking bless you with your
stupid shit legs. Now get in the fucking line
and get the foodstuff correctly to
the Imperium or I'm gonna break your legs.
I'm gonna nickel knee your kneecaps
if you don't quit your shit.
You need to step down from the pulpit.
And like there's audible gasps from the ratlings like
he threatened your legs.
You need to recognize
that we are here on the... And they all start getting up
and they all have like, they're brandishing like
billy clubs.
Hold on. I just had a dumb idea.
Who is nearest
to Reeb right now?
Say again? All of us, I guess.
Okay, um, Pimerain is up ahead of you
and then the three of you are back near the
entrance. Okay. About 25 meters
away from this guy. And for clarification,
we don't have a battle mat down right now, Chad,
so if you see what you see, that's
actually what you see, so.
So here's what I'm gonna do. I'd like to
use one of our wrath die.
Okay. And I wish to
mantle up top of
Brain and become taller
than the guy on the pulpit.
You can probably just do that normally.
Yeah, yeah, you just gotta climb up, Brain.
Yes, but my agility score
is not great. Uh, your agility
is pretty fine. You can give me just a flat
agility check for this, totally. Yeah, nothing
will go wrong. If it fails, I'm going
to harm you. Oh, no, it's fine.
Uh, I mean,
you can spend glory if you
want to. We have full thing of glory.
Will that not make it?
Um, you would make it, but it might
not be as impressive. You wanna
spend, like, three glory? Okay, I'd like to...
I would like to spend however much is
necessary to make that good. I would say
three is a good start. Yeah, roll me
a 3d6. Yep.
3d6. Yep.
3d6. We will
see as you, like, climb up.
Two more successes. Yep, yep.
Uh, you clamber on up and all the
other ratlings are just kind of going,
He's tall, he's tall.
Oh, oh. I wanna
help. Can I help?
Oh, no.
Can I help? That's a bad
That's a bad, that's a bad turn. Okay.
I can levitate myself
and fly up there. Yes.
Oh, behind them? No.
No, I'm, I think, uh, my thing
allows me to actually move. Oh.
Because I, I took the, the better
one. Instead of just up and down, I can actually, like,
fly around. So...
Yeah. Sure.
Sure. Okay. So Lorne, so,
so Reeb has run up to behind Pi,
clambered up his back to get tall.
Lorne, like, the light bulb goes on. You
rush up, leaving Captain Zedek alone at the door.
Seeing this, I will
start to play into this as well.
Okay, okay, okay. Uh, Lorne,
do you wanna give me a psychic test? Sure do!
Oh, no.
No complication, but I succeed.
Okay, so yeah, you, you managed
to, to pull yourself. Now I'm going to require
uh, you to make a strength
or agility test, cause you can float up,
but if you wanna add yourself to the height,
you're gonna have to make one of those two checks.
Why? I can just fly
up just fine.
So you're just gonna float behind
them, sort of. No, I can get on top
of them. I can, I can actually do that with
levitation. I can do a whoop, right on top of Reeb.
Okay, okay,
okay, okay. So, balance-wise,
like, are you concentrating on
keeping your levitation up? Oh, I see what you're trying to do, you little
bastard. Sure, I'll make a fuckin'
roll to fuck it up. Yeah, yeah.
Like, I'm just saying, like,
you can get up high, but you're not an agile
spry lady. No, I'm an old man.
I mean, I could, I'm still levitating
up there, so I just seat myself there. You can concentrate,
yeah, you can just concentrate. Yeah, I'm gonna keep
concentrating, I'm just right there. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.
The reason I went on Bran's shoulders is because he could handle
one person's weight, and I don't know
about two. Yeah, I'm, like, hovering just a little bit, so I'm
not heavy at all. So,
picking up on what's being put down,
I could probably handle all
three of you.
I'm very strong.
Well, the person
above needs to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah. Captain Zadok, what are you
doing, now that the three have established
themselves? Picking up on
what they're putting down, I am going to
look back at my devotees,
motion them with my hands, and
kind of snap in front of me,
and have them get on
their knees and become some sort of
cute, well, rattling staircase,
as I will try to ascend
them at the top, and
in doing so, retrieve
a symbol of the Crusade from my pocket,
and try to hold it in the light, just to have it reflect
a little bit. I'll spend a rap
die if that is a narrative declaration.
No, no, no, that's just you doing
something, that's fine. Um,
okay, so, so, you're just going to climb.
What kind of check do you want to give me for this?
Uh, maybe the athletics check?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, totally.
All right.
Oh, yeah, so, so
you just, like, kind of clamber up. It's, it's
getting real rocky and difficult. You're
not quite able to climb over,
um, like,
over top of, of Loren or anyone, but
you're able to climb. Hey, I do, I do this. As I see them climbing
up, I, I hover a little bit
more, and have Zedek climb on top of
Reap, and then I perch on top of Zedek.
Okay, okay, yeah.
So you've got this, like,
this terrible
human-noid
tower, vertical tower
thing going. Um,
and this is just incensed.
Like, all of the other routings were,
oh, look at that, look at that, look at that. I'll take the opportunity
if I have time.
And suddenly, like,
you just hear this,
Now, you will
all kneel before
my powerful legs,
and, um, I, I spread my arms out,
forming a T, and I go,
What are you gonna do about it, nerd?
And, uh, he, like,
projects this,
this force with his voice
as he makes that shout.
And, um,
he is going to do an interaction
attack. Oh!
Um, which is,
lets him basically use a skill,
and he's going to use leadership
as his interaction attack,
because he's going to be commanding
to kneel before his majestically
powerful legs.
Uh, I will spend a rune to activate this
ability, so, uh, please, uh,
please mark me down here
as I use the battle cry
kneel before my majestically powerful
legs ability, which this NPC has.
Uh, and he gets two bonus
dice on this, and he is going
to target our good
friend,
um, Pi Brain,
who is at the bottom. Pi, what is
your resolve? My resolve
is three!
Well, it's two, but plus something else.
Okay, so three, cool. I am going
to make this leadership test.
I've clicked the dice.
Ah, good! Uh, so
he, he quite succeeds, as,
as, as is wont, and
you are
completely
compelled to go to
your knees, which breaks the, the
like, the tower you have going
as, uh, Reeb and Zedek
tumble, and Loren is still floating in the air.
Um, but you, you go
prone, basically, as,
as the fervor of this man
demands that you
kneel before my legs.
Oh, god. Uh, okay. I would like
to make a counter leadership
check.
Oh, oh, okay, okay,
okay. I
will, I will allow you to,
to come, to narratively declare
by spending a wrath point
that you want to, uh, to
like, stop this
uh, this man from commanding your
ally. I, I would love to
do that. I would love to shout back at him.
Oh, I'm so excited for this
complication.
Also, also, Hulki, boost your
microphone up by, like, ten percent.
Oh, that's, that's gonna be tricky. Okay.
Uh, like, little, little nudge,
little nudge, and hopefully you don't kill her ears.
But as you make your declaration...
Yes, what, what, what
will, uh, so, so give me that leadership test
and we will see what happens here. Sure thing.
I'll do that for you right now. It's going to be great. He's going to
complicate the chat. Oh, no, he's not!
Glory, yeah!
Yeah! So, so you will generate a
glory, um...
We also have three glory... We, we come here
before you,
faithful servants
of the God-Emperor.
You can see that we represent
tea, which represents the
imperial truth that this
fraud before you
does not represent.
We, servants of the
Emperor, in all his divine tallness,
have come to you
to ask for your aid once more, to not
be misled
by this wolf in
sheep's leggings.
Um, so, in this
case, you both tied.
I, I will
say that yours is enough to counteract
the, uh... I say he can spend three
glory. I, I... Oh, shit, yeah!
He can spend three glory to make that better.
Yeah, would you like to, uh, spend
that glory to definitively win this argument?
Heck yeah, I would. Roll three dice for me.
3d6. Be really dice.
Don't fuck it up. 3d6!
Oh, shit, he fucked it up!
He fucked it up! Use glory, glory!
No, use wrath, use wrath!
I gotta do it, I gotta do it!
You, you use glory after
you use wrath.
You use glory after wrath, so you
are wrecked, sir. Um...
In this point, so you,
you have this, like, this, this
epic talk, so what's gonna happen here is
Pybrain is not going to, uh,
to collapse. Like, he's, he's not going to
you're, you're able to, to steal
Pybrain's resolve, but,
but, the Rattlings
are not swayed to your side, and,
and now,
we're going to enter some combat.
Aw, yeah! Damn it.
Can I do it? And, uh, so, here
are all of the Rattling, uh, mobs
that are nearby. All of them
have stood up off their pews,
wielding their billy clubs, and then
up to the, the north
here, we have the, uh,
the Divine Lord of Fervor
standing at the pulpit, and,
uh, all of you are kind of precariously,
like, technically
on Pybrain's square, but I'm
just moving you apart so
that you can select your tokens.
Um, based on the, like, the,
the, the epic speech of Captain Zedek,
you can, like, no one's
surprised, so you get to go first, but
you can tell that, like, it is, it is now
combat time based off how
angry everything is.
Alright, so,
one problem, I can't see the map, but, second
thing, uh,
I need to, I need to ask, would you guys
mind if I went first? Cause I'd like to catapult
our extremely,
uh, deadly duo that is currently
sitting on top of my head
towards the, uh,
the priest.
Sure, I'm all for it.
I wanna see what you
got, cause I'm still levitating, so I'm just gonna
chill up here. I kinda, I kinda have to use both my
hands to, like, use my weapons,
so I kinda can't do that while also
holding both of you.
So I guess I'll do,
what the heck would this even be? I'm trying to
throw them off my shoulders so that they're further
forward. So you want, do you
want to, to hurl
Captain Zedek, oh no,
you're, yeah, yeah, you wanna hurl Captain Zedek
I would still be floating. Oh, that's
right, yeah, yeah, okay, okay. Um,
that'd be, that'd be a strength test.
Oh, fantastic. Alright, here we go.
And the number of successes
is how many meters you'll get. Okay, so you'll
toss him basically three meters
forward, so you'll
land right there, Captain Zedek.
Also, as a free action, would you like to hop off
the tower? Yeah, I'd like
to, I'd like to disassemble Mecha
Shiva for now. Which square would you
like to occupy? You can move
your token to any adjacent square to buy.
I will go to that.
Perfect.
Cool.
Alright, that's fine. You're up, guys.
Uh, so I get to go, and one
of the mobs, uh,
one of the mobs ends up going here.
And so, immediately
as, like, you, uh, you
land, and because you, you roll pretty well, like,
I'll say, Captain Zedek lands on his
feet, there's, there's no, you know, need for any check
there. He lands, sort of looks
around, and you can see from the pew
to your immediate right, a group
of four ratlings just
come rushing
over.
And, uh, Captain Zedek,
you can see they're, they're wielding these, these
improvised weapons, and
they, they go to attack
you. Uh, let's
Good luck, Captain! Let's see...
Oh, dear.
We'll see, we'll see how this goes. I, I mean, it could just,
you know. Remember, chat, you can help out this
battle with contributions, and that's a complication.
Oh, they complicate it.
They will, they will hit.
Um, cause what's your defense, Captain
Zedek? Uh, my defense
is three. Cool.
So they're actually
hitting you. Oh, it's two? Okay.
Either way, they're going to, uh, to be able to
shift to do some extra damage as well,
cause they don't like you. But I have to roll a complication,
because they
complicated. Um,
and sadly, I don't think any of
our Patreon complications really
work here. Yeah,
none of our, none of our Patreon
donated ones work in this particular instance, so
we're going to, uh, to
use the old tried and true table
for now, which will give us a
three. Um...
Okay, um... The eye of terror
opens a bit. Their, their billy clubs
are, uh, are out of ammo somehow.
And so
I assume that in their
rage, just for the lulz,
they're so angry at you, Captain Zedek,
that they actually, instead of hitting you, they
throw their billy clubs at you.
Um, like, they get into
melee, and then are like, yeah, nuts to this,
we're just gonna throw them. Um,
so they'll, they'll do that. Uh, they will
shift one dice to do an extra bonus damage,
and we'll see what they get for damage here.
Um, they'll only do seven
damage total, which I don't think is enough
to beat your resilience, so...
Yeah, your resilient chain. So they just, like,
hammer on you and toss billy clubs
that bounce off of you. Stop that! It's like that, like,
that gif of the girl getting hit
with the hot dogs. It's just like that.
Except the billy clubs. Okay, cool, so that's
the mob. Uh, you guys are back up?
I'd love to counterattack against these guys.
Are we okay with that?
No.
Oh, okay. Alright, back to strategy.
You take, take back the initiative.
Alright. I'm seizing the initiative,
and I am going to fry these potatoes.
Absolutely.
What are you gonna attack with?
Uh, ooh, ooh. I would like to
hit them with the ol' arc pistol.
Yeah, yeah,
absolutely.
So, remember to, uh, when
you're making the attack roll, to change your
skill to, um, to be
WS in agility, cause you're using
it in close combat, unless you wanna walk away
and then shoot.
Uh, I would like to back up.
Okay, perfect, yeah.
Cool, yeah, yeah.
Um, so you back up
away, and as you do so,
a bunch of them, like,
try to hit you with other improvised
weapons, but they're too busy getting their billy
clubs back, so they don't actually make an attack
on you. Alright, make your, uh, make your shot on them.
Oh, good!
Lordy. Okay, so
now switch your rolls are, uh, for the audio
people, but for Zedek, it is a total of seven.
He got three sixes
on the die, uh, actually four sixes on the
die, and he, uh, no, three sixes on the die
and one success. So, eight sixes
is basically two for reference for people
in Wrath and Glory, so, he got a
total of seven on that roll. He, he
did good. So,
roll damage, cause for every one
above, which means all four of them,
you're going to, like, with
your arc pistol, hit everyone in this
mob in front of you, as you just kind of, like,
roll over the arc energy. Can you
roll damage now? Absolutely.
Damn, dude, you're making a potato battery.
Um,
and you, you just, like,
pull out your pistol, back up
as they're all bending down to get their billy clubs,
and just wash your pistol over
them, and it, like, pops
all of their heads like grapes
as this just arc energy
crackles over their bodies, and
they all die.
That's what I call some baked potatoes.
Popping explosions and falling down.
Um,
yeah.
Uh, with that,
the, um,
the next mob goes,
and, and they are
enraged in a similar fashion,
and come off the pews,
and come over
here, here,
and here, and two of them
go to attack Reeb, and two of them
uh, go to attack Captain Zeta,
cause this mob of ratlings charges
forward, and they go,
for the true, tall
wonder! And they come at you with their clubs,
uh, let's see
here, they are,
for the attack on Reeb,
I will get a two,
and then for the attack on Captain Zetic,
I will get a four.
So they will shift one bonus dice,
I'll do the damage on Captain Zetic first,
uh,
with an eight, which, uh,
is not enough to
uh, beat your, uh, resilience,
but since it matches, you take a point of shock, Captain
Zetic, as, as they're just hitting you with these
billy clubs. Um,
they don't actually hit me, cause
my defense is two. Oh, is,
uh,
but they match it, right?
They match it. Yeah, so
that, that, yeah, yeah, that means they, they still
hit. Tarnation! It's just,
uh, for anything.
So, they hit you,
sorry, I closed a window, and then they go to hit
you, but they don't get bonus damage, cause they don't shift
no exalts, so they go to smack you,
uh, with billy clubs, and they do a
total of seven damage, which
Reeb ma- it's under your resilience, so you
take nothing, and they just kinda come up and they're
impotently hitting you. Just thunks.
Yeah!
Amazing!
So yeah, back to the party,
Pybrain or Lorne, who wants to go next?
Uh, Py, go ahead. Lorne, would you like to go?
Oh, Py go? Okay. In that case,
um, Py is going to take
out his power sword, which is radiating
in his hand, and then he's going
to go
and he's going to charge into this pile
of ratlings. So
you run, like, to, to the, the, uh,
um, northeast, basically away
from everyone else, all the ratlings
by you, and jump over a pew to
attack these other ratlings. Yeah, no, I'll just
crash through the pew, it shatters into
two pieces. Don't even
jump over it. And I'm just
gonna take my sword. Until you roll a complication on this attack,
and then your- the pew's gonna hurt you.
Well, that's how you know it's good,
boss. And so taking this
sword in my hand, I'm gonna
roll a sweeping attack, and I'm
gonna try to cut off all of their heads!
...
And, uh,
I'll use a reroll on that,
because it's not nearly as many successes as- actually,
that's probably fine. Also, uh, two people donated, we got
two more glory. Nice!
Yes! Two more glory! Thank you, folks!
And I think you're pretty- Yeah, I, uh,
I think, I think you're pretty good.
You, you won't be able to shift anything, but you will
definitely be able to hit all four
of them as you come crashing through. I
agree. In that case, let's roll
Damage. Yep.
And that's going to be
15 and 5. So,
so you just, like, come down
and you, with a power sword,
SLASH through all of them. It's
like, you know when wrestlers come down
the ring to high-five their fans? You do that with
a power sword, and just, like, bisect these
Wait, I have a better description. Oh, no.
He comes in like Anakin with younglings.
Just with the power sword.
Oh, no!
Horrible.
So I just, like, I got
them in a row, and I just
get their heads off, they're falling to the ground, like,
rotted pumpkins. I'm gonna turn my
sword at the man on the pew.
Alright, leggy boy, I'll show you how I get
my kicks.
And that'll be my turn.
Uh, I'm going to
spend, actually, no, in this case I don't
have to spend a point of rune, so that's cool.
He looks at you.
Phew.
Your friends have abandoned you, and
now you will truly kneel
before my legs! And, uh,
he makes his interaction attack again.
Uh, again.
Security! Power!
Uh, let's see if I can
hit you with my leadership! Oh, absolutely
I can with a six! That beats your resolve!
So, uh, Pyrane, you are
prone as, like, without
Captain Zedek there to morally
inspire you, you, you
drop to, to your, to your
knees. Aww.
And as you sort of
drop to your knees, staring
at this, this figure's
majestic legs,
um, he turns
towards one of the other ratlings,
uh, or actually, no, he
turns to the ratlings that are engaged with, with
Captain Zedek and Reeb, and,
and shouts,
For the divine!
For the long-legged
emperor! For my legs!
Uh, I'll spend a point of rune
to, uh, allow them
to make a second attack action,
uh, doing the same thing, where
the mob will each, uh, attack Reeb and
Zedek once, so, on
Reeb, and
Wow! Uh, the, the,
the, uh, fervor of them
will let them crit Reeb,
and on Captain Zedek,
um, also, I will get
a, um, I will get a rune
dice from critting, so that's
cool. Uh,
Zedek was miserably bad. Yeah!
And, uh, so we, uh, we get
some, some crit effects here. Let's,
let's find out what happens.
Now, um, on
Captain Zedek, I will miss,
uh, I have, uh,
enough to shift, uh, for one extra
damage dice, so I will do that,
and let's see what the damage is. Probably not a lot on,
on Reeb, as these billy clubs
come smashing in, but we'll see. Yeah, so
six, I don't do any damage. However, the critical
effect still happens, so! Uh-huh.
We're gonna roll on this critical
table, it's 2d6, and then
we're gonna find out what critical effect
we get. So, a 56,
I'm sure that's good. Um. That's
very high. Bone-shattering
impact, um. Oh.
Oh, god. Yeah,
so, you
are, a crippling
blow smashes
your body. Uh, so,
you will take, oops,
you will take unrecognized
command. No.
Dammit! Uh,
you will take three wounds, Reeb,
as one of those billy clubs goes
right in the back of your knee at the exact
perfect point, and there's this just distinct
crunch
as your leg gives out
momentarily.
Damnation! And,
and you, you feel just this,
this awfulness, and you are also,
um,
you are also restrained,
uh, as a result
of that. So, here is restrained.
Basically, you reduce your defense by two, which
gives you a defense of zero, and you can't,
uh, move on your, on your next turn.
Eh.
Alright. Uh, as you kind of, like,
and, and behind a pulpit, you just
hear, yes, yes, everyone
will kneel before my legs.
Uh,
back to the players. Now it
is Lorne's turn. Oh, it's Lorne. I am
still basically hovering in the air,
and I'm, I look down at Reeb,
like, do you need assistance? Cause I'm, otherwise
I'm going after Leg Boy.
My patella's been snapped,
you might want to help us here.
But Leg Boy, he can crowd control
all of us.
Lorne, if we
go down, you'll drown next.
But- That's so awful!
They're not even shaved!
I will help, I'll help
you then. Brain, get back
here and help clear these. You're far more
efficient. I don't have anything that clears out mobs.
I float forward.
Basically into the middle
here, as if it's like a wizard
duel in some weird way,
and I'm like floating out. You always want a wizard-
I want a wizard duel! And at
this point, just cloaks are basically
flapping about, and I'm like,
you will taste
psychic might! Crush
in grasp! And I
then basically
point my hand out to him,
close my fist, and then I cast
Crush at him.
Witch! And that is
going to be a seven. What I'm
going to do is also spend
a wrath die to
basically reroll that, see if I can get a little bit more
out of it. I fail utterly,
but that's okay. Chat can help me out
to get more wrath die if they need to.
But I basically point out
at him, and I assume his
defense is like three or four?
Um,
his defense is
a whopping two.
Oh god. Cool, okay.
Well, regardless, I unfortunately don't have enough sixes
to exalt, so it's just going to be a normal Crush.
So at that point,
it basically does basically
eleven damage. Okay,
okay, so what happens? I'm going to spend
a rune point here.
Please mark that off.
And as you go to
Crush the life
flying across
the room with a NOOOOOO!
One of the
Rattlings jumps in the way of your
hand, like somehow flying
through the air as you
go to Crush, and
you just grab this Rattling
midair with your Crush.
Um,
and in fact, I will even be nice enough to say
you rolled a seven, so it's
actually all four of these
Rattlings that like managed to jump
up, and they form this protective
wall as you just
start crushing all of them
in the air, as they block
any line of sight you have to the
long-legged priest, and then you
just, you crush them all, and their
necks snap, and their bodies
descend, and they fall plumping to the
floor, but exhausting your psychic power.
Lorne, now
is not the time to make you force me!
I'm still helping!
Um, and with that, that's
the end of the players, so I've got two
more, um, two more mobs
to go of Rattlings. These ones
rush up towards Pybrain,
kind of
using the wreckage of the pew you
burst through Py, and they come
shouting as they run with their
billy clubs out, and
just wanting to attack you for
your terrifying youngling
murder of their friends.
Uh, so they just go
to town,
see if this works, oh god no, wow,
uh, I rolled a zero, so they, they're
just like all trying to hit you while you
are prone, uh, but they just
keep bouncing off of your
I just made a massive,
passively deflecting all of these billy
clubs, like not even thinking about it, just being
like, oh my god,
what is wrong with this freak?
Oh my god, it's so hairy!
And I'm not even just thinking
about it, my arms are just acting
independent. Yeah, um,
Reeb, do you have a melee weapon? I
do. Okay, you can make an attack
on the mob, cause the one to your south is moving
away. Wait a second.
Okay. GM,
what of, what of the mashed potato platoon?
Uh, well the mashed
potato platoon is just there to
take, take hits for you.
They are, they are like,
Okay, the mashed potato platoon,
one sec. They are all
sitting in the pews down here,
basically ready
to jump in the way of any
damage you have. That is an impressive amount
of vertical leap that these little
gross little things have. Don't think about it.
Come on, Zedek, it's, it's insane
to imagine a single rattling
companion could help you take out the boss.
Don't even try it. It would
never happen. It would never happen.
They are legion, they are
legion, they can surely help. Look at all
of them. Alright, uh, Reeb,
you were taking that attack, right?
Uh, yes, I'm going to take a knife and I'm going
to menacingly
look at the one that
just very carefully snapped
my kneecap. Okay, so sorry,
this isn't the group that attacked you, it's the
group that was to the pew south of you. They're
moving away from you, so you basically get an attack
of opportunity on one of them that's running by.
Fine, I will exact my vengeance.
Yes. Wow, it's a crit!
It's a crit!
Um, okay. That's a glory, right?
That, that, that is a glory.
Um. Actually, we are full on
glory, actually. Chad also did that, and also
Zedek, you have one more wrath dice
guaranteed to you. You're full now.
Oh, thank you. Um, cool.
So, uh, yeah, uh, let's
let's see here. Um, can you roll me 2d6
real quick there, Reeb?
Uh-huh. Flash R.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus, a
65. Oh,
no. I'm going to read this critical
effect. Oh, good.
Appalling detonation.
Oh, yeah! Ill fortune carries
the blow to strike the foe's
volatile wargear. A chain
of explosions tears their
body apart into grisly red
mist. Uh, effect, the target
suffers 1d6 wounds. Please roll it for me.
Reeb. Um.
1d6? Yeah, 1d6.
If the target carried any explosives,
they detonate. Uh, I'm going to say
that they carry some kind of explosive
material. Roll me another d3.
No, their bellies are just so full with gas
and whatever, they just explode. Yes!
Yes! Reeb did enough,
Reeb has enough information from the White Dwarf
book that he knows exactly what the pressure point
in a rattling is to make them explode.
Yeah, so, okay, okay, so, um,
do you want to spend, uh, 2 glory
to make sure that the whole mob dies as a result?
Uh, you, yeah,
we may as well, we're full up. Okay, cool,
yeah, in fact, if you want, I will, because they're
adjacent, I will let you spend, uh, 2
glory to kill the one that also
knee-kapped you. Okay, how many
glory was spent? Make that an even 3.
2, 2, 2. 2, just 2? Okay.
2. And like, yeah, you, you go
and lash out, um, and I'm going
to steal from Zoran's idea here, you lash out
as this, this one to your southwest is trying
to get away, and you hit this rattling
in the stomach with your knife, and your knife
kind of rests there for a second, and the rattling
clutches his stomach and looks up in horror, like
no, you don't know what
you, and then just explodes
in this, like,
gaseous
mass that then causes a chain
reaction from all
of the nearby halflings, who all are
rattlings, who all just explode,
um, in horrifying, gaseous
detonations.
Thank you for making
potato salad. I like
how, um, I do want to point
out that, as you were describing that, the music
that I'm kind of playing in the back was way
too epic for that, so it's just like a
.
They all explode
with their own intestinal stuff.
Also, uh,
Lauren, basically, I was able to get a wrath point
in wrath for Tater Tot. Tater Tot
might, you know, I don't know if Tater Tot's going to slime
Arbo in here, but if Tater Tot gets in here,
Tater Tot's got a wrath point. Okay, Tater's got a wrath.
Nice. Okay, uh, so that's the end
of the combat round. Uh, the combat round now
goes back to you guys. You can pick who you want to go first with.
I would like to go first, if possible.
Okay.
Cool. All right.
So, since I was rudely interrupted, I'm
still flying it, which I can sustain this.
After every hour, I'll then begin to
suffer shock, but these combats go so
fast where it won't become that
big of a problem. So,
at this point, I'm saying, ha! I
see you no longer have enough
you know, servants in which to
stop my ultimate power!
And with that, I
cast Curse!
Once more! And I basically point
to him. Shabam! And I'm
going to use that extra wrath dice that was,
uh, that was given to me
to basically roll even more
of the dice there. Let's hope I get more.
I only got one, but I only made it to
a six. I'm not able to really bump up anything.
I was hoping for some sixes. And,
uh, I will minus that wrath dice
there. And so I basically point at him
and crash!
And he shouts, Nooooo!
My legs! And as
he does that, I will spend a rune.
Um,
Piebrain,
can you make an attack roll, uh,
with your power sword, please?
Oh, God! Whoa!
Oh!
I would love nothing more!
I thought, I thought I was gonna- As all of the
ratlings go, like, turn to their lord
and start rushing out of combat
with you, again, doing
the, like, Olympic
jump in front of the crush.
Um. We also have four
glory if you're wanting to, uh,
spend any of that.
But, uh, I don't think we-
I think you're good.
You'll be able to hit three of them
if you want to spend the glory to
stop the last one.
How much glory do you want to spend?
I'll spend, uh,
two. Okay.
So roll 2d6.
Double ones!
So you managed to slice down
three of these ratlings that just, like,
collapse under the power of your
power sword, but the one, the one just
goes,
No, the divine lord with legs!
And just does this swan dive jump
at the last minute. Hold on!
Hopping! I wanna do something.
Can I spend a wrath to grab him by his ankle?
Um.
If you're, if you're wanting, you're wanting
to spend a wrath dice,
um, yeah, you know what?
Sure. I'll, what I'll let you do with the wrath dice
is I'll let you use the wrath dice to re-roll
those two glory dice. This is normally
not a rule thing, but, but this is just
such an epic moment. I will allow
this, uh, this one use of the ability.
For Lemuria!
Oh, gosh, okay. That's one more success.
Yes! And one more, and you
managed to grab the ratling
just as he would jump in the way of the
crush, and
stab him with the power sword.
I take his other leg and I rip him in
two, like I split his leg.
Jesus!
Do it!
Uh, yeah,
so your, uh, your crush will hit.
That's, that's cool.
Uh. And it will do, uh,
ten damage. Okay.
My other die did not, uh,
succeed in the extra damage. And so everyone
in chat also knows what this means. It's successfully
activated. They take ten damage
plus one distal damage. So, basically
what now happens to him, which I assume
nothing else is gonna happen. There's no weird thing he's got.
Yeah, yeah, no, nothing else. Cool. He is now
restrained, as was, you can pop up the
roll or do show players if you want to do that again, so
chat also sees. While restrained, the target
can do nothing in their turn except by trying to
break free again by making the strength or
willpower test as a full
round action. He has to spend his entire
turn getting out. So he
can't, like, break out and then do stuff.
So if the victim does not escape, they'll take an
additional ten plus one distal
die of damage at the beginning of each of my
turns for as long as I'm sustaining
that power. And I have a special feat
that allows me to do two powers at the same time.
So I'm levitating and casting
crush at the same time. So
he is not able to
do anything.
And you just hear this, like,
my legs,
which will have initiative
come back to me on the
initiative for the divine
lord of fervor.
I will make that willpower test because
heck, yeah, I will make
that willpower test. And
let's see, what's the difficulty
on that? He needs to make
a five or better.
Okay, let's see what
I can get.
I do not.
So he's still, like...
Also, uh, one
quick thing that happened.
Someone just donated
fifty dollars before you did that for a
Game Master complication.
Oh, no! Thank you, TKML.
Oh, gosh.
Okay.
Based! Holy
based! Based on what?
Both of our general complications that
we've had submitted
have been, by our lovely patrons,
are more technological in nature,
so I don't have anything appropriate from our patrons for this
yet, uh, since he's not really
wearing much, much super techy.
So instead,
let's see what kind, uh,
Loren, since you're the cause
of this problem of mine, can you roll
me a d6, please? I
sure can.
D6 deployed. Six!
Six.
Oh, oh, oh,
excellent. Um,
warp interference.
Uh-oh. Yes. The chaos gods
are watching, and for a moment to feel the eyes
of one of the ruinous powers on them.
Um...
Long legs. He, like,
starts weeping, and his legs kind
of, like, come together, and he's no longer
on his tiptoes as, as he's
being held in place, and
and you can see the, the
just general resolve that he has,
his, his being sapped as he
sees his dreams being taken away
from him. Uh, back to the players.
I would like to go.
Since this man
is on death's door, I
am going to
get up, and I'm
going to charge to try to deliver
the death blow.
Yeah.
So I'm gonna come up to him, looming
over.
Here's your legs.
I'm gonna take my
power sword, and I'm going to try to cut
off his legs!
That would be a cult shot.
Alright. Indeed it would.
That would be.
Alright, so I'm going to roll me
an attack roll!
I like to imagine I am a floating
wizard, and, oh wow,
you, ooh, you want to spin?
No! No!
That was, uh, that was the wrong amount.
Oh, that was damage, that was damage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do your swing, do your swing.
There we go!
Yeah!
Um, I'm not even going
to roll the crit result, cause we all know
what happens. Let me tell you what happens!
Let me tell you what happens!
Yes, please! I open his legs,
I take them by the
ankles, and I say, yeah, your legs, huh?
Your legs! And I start beating him
to death with his own legs.
Your legs, huh? I'm at these
arms, huh? I'm this
uh, and guess what?
You suck at music!
And then I throw them in his face.
And, uh,
I'm still doing crush the
entire time, so I help
him with that critical by bringing
his precious legs in front
of him, and basically just
crushing them in front of him and letting them drop
to the floor, and saying, like,
the imperium of man
is far
mightier than your voice!
I would like to
spend a wrath die to make a narrative declaration.
Okay, what does your
narrative declaration get?
I will, unready from my combat stance,
for a brief moment, just perk my head
up and say, looks like you didn't
have a leg to stand on, and then
smirk towards the camera that doesn't exist.
I like that you
want to spend a wrath point
just to make us all
suffer.
They don't call it wrath for no reason!
Not anything mechanical or narrative, really.
Just to make you suffer.
Deafening slap face fills
this chapel.
Oh god, alright.
And with that, the
other three ratlings run
off and, like, leave
because their divine lord has been
dethroned. And I think
this is an excellent opportunity
with the divine lord of fervor
no longer quite as tall
or alive, for us to take
our break from this session.
Quick, quick, quick break.
Quick break, very quick break.
We are back, without my legs.
Without his legs. We are alive.
Can we, like, hold up, hold up.
We have to do some things
to this fingled art.
Eh. Eh.
Oh no, they can see it!
There we go.
Without my legs!
Welcome back, everybody,
to Warhams.
We have just gotten back after a grueling
situation.
We have now defeated this one.
And I believe we are now
returning back
after finding any materials at this point.
Anyone who may have had
returning back to the pathway?
Yeah, so you,
after a quick time of
checking out the area, you find that
the divine lord of fervor
had very little beyond just his
magnificent legs, which you have
ripped off of and beat him to death with.
I'd like to ask,
please, because this is something
I feel like Reeb would want,
can I please do a medicate
to extract his femur?
Absolutely. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I want one of them.
This one's mine.
Can I do two medicates to get both his femurs?
No!
Brady's gonna hold onto the leg for you.
No, I'm doing it so I can give both of them to you
because your medicate sucks.
No, I just want it. I'm gonna put it in bronze.
I'm gonna put it in my house.
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
I'm pulling both of them out and giving you one.
Reeb, you
are almost tolerable.
Uh, yeah, you collect
the first femur, no problem.
And get Glory
for the second femur.
I assume
it's like one of those videos
of the chef who
meticulously pulls the bone
out of the
rack of ribs. You just kind of reach in
and do this perfect pull
and you have this beautiful, pristine white femur.
Out of a sense of
kindness, I'll give him the one that is just
covered in Glories.
Excellent. I take it.
Thank you, Reeb.
You really are
a guy.
Yes, I am.
I will stuff it into my pocket.
A pretty cool dude.
With that being said,
you've checked the area.
There's nothing like loot-wise
of note here.
So you would have to make your way back to the
passage and decide
between the Divine Lord of
War or the Divine Lord of Science.
I vote on
War.
Now hold on.
I'm still trying to position my kneecap so it
isn't popping quite so much as I want.
Hold on. We still
have not determined if this one will be
any particular trouble.
Captain? Yes? What do we have on
this particular individual that you know
the servants of the Emperor to be quite
um, fervent?
Perhaps this one will be a bit less.
As I look at
Brain and consider what I've said already
and start to doubt it. Well, if we're
going to extrapolate information upon
what we already know, we can cross off
Preacher from our list of
misfits. So,
so far, we have
three more people to actually find. We have
an Engine Seer, a
Chirurgeon, and a
Catachan find, who I'm assuming
the latter of which is
our Lord of War.
But of course
that reaves who the Doctor
is. It's not you, is it, Reeb?
No.
I'm still right here.
Actually, I think
visiting this Lord
of Science would possibly be far
better.
He might have things that we need, and
Reeb, you might actually be an excellent
person in which to negotiate with
him, if this is going to be a common
occurrence. Off to him I vote.
Hold on, why won't
I negotiate with my kinsman?
He's not your kinsman,
though. Well, he's a
fellow member of the Tech Priest
Order. He's a member of the Mechanicum.
Surely he can be reasoned with.
We don't know if that's the
one who is the Lord of Science,
per se. It could be the
Chirurgeon. Okay, well if it's
the Doctor, I don't mind. But if it's the
Tech Priest, I would at least
like to try to have a word with him. Perhaps
some sanity can be gained
from this situation. I'm
tired of being the only saved one.
Well, we both agree on our direction.
Off this way, lads, and I'm
beginning to walk. Yeah, so
you go back to the sort of
three-way fork,
cross off, you know, Divine Lord
of Fervor. I assume there's just a gleeful
stab with the power sword as you
char that out.
And then make your way towards the
Divine Lord of Science.
This time the grating does not
give way to marble tiles. In fact,
things get more
worn, like the walls have more rust
stains, and there
seem to be chains that start
hanging from the roofs, and you see
dark blood stains
in corners as you
pass through large areas,
and you find sections that are
filled with, like,
medical beds that have stained
sheets on them.
Hmm.
I'm sure we went to the
Tech Priest's place, not the Carriage.
Well,
remember, there's only two other options left.
The Divine Lord of Science and the
Divine Lord of War.
So this is science.
Interesting. Maybe they're
sharing the room. Or the Magos,
or at least could be a member of the Magos
biologists. Or they could
be one person? No.
Horrifying.
That is an alarming thought.
That would be very strange. Imagine if me and Reeb
were the same person.
And you come to a
break in the
hall, which has a thick
metal door that has an embossed
symbol on it.
Scholar checks if you got them.
Oh, boy. All right.
I can make a solid attempt and mess it up.
I'm really good at this. If you want to make an attempt and risk
the terror of
Yeah! There we go.
Yeah! Brain complicated.
Perfectly offset by my success.
And I didn't know.
Okay, perfect. So, for rolls,
Brain got one and a complication.
Reeb got a six, because Reeb is awesome at it.
Zetta got a four, and Lorne got a one.
That is my favorite.
Reeb and Zedek,
you both recognize this symbol
immediately. You recognize
it
as one of the
subdivisions of the
administratum. This is
the officio medicae.
Oh, boy.
However, PyBrain doesn't, and
instead, like, boisterously
thinks it's some kind of offshoot
mechanicum symbol, having
incorrectly saved over
the symbol jpegs in his
internal cogitators. And
the complication is that
he will open the door.
Yes, I see. You see, it's as I
told you. It was a member of the
Mechanicus. Ah!
And I open the door. Greetings, brother!
I come from Lemuria!
Wait, you little fool!
And you open the door and
find yourselves in this
large, like, roughly square
chamber with
you're at an elevated point
and there's sort of grating that
sends about a
third of a meter drops down
to a bottom section in the sort of
south-east area.
And there are all of these
massive, like,
cryogenic pod units
with numbers written underneath them.
And in the south-east corner of the room
there is this
computer, this cogitator terminal.
But what's more horrifying are
some of the creatures rambling around
and from the cogitator unit
this figure turns to look
up at you as you walk on in
Pi followed by the rest of you.
I'm just gonna put the art
up here. What the fuck are
those?
And you see this figure
Hey guys, how are they doing?
What are those?
Immediately draw my
gun! And for people who are not in the chat
who are listening to this in the podcast
what they see is this
old, like, this old
prune of a woman covered
in, like, a medical
schmock uniform
tattered with splats of blood
and various, like, binoculars
and an augmatic eye
and thick black gloves. But beside
her are these
stitched together
rattling
abominations. One to her
immediate left is, like,
the headless body of a rattling
that has been stitched to another headless
body of a rattling turned upside
down. And that
one, like, emits this sound and
points with all four of its
arms towards the
PCs.
You just hear this sound
somehow emitting from, like, between
the stitching that holds it together.
And then you see this old
woman turns and looks up.
Ah, hello
there. Welcome to
my lab. You
are very poorly augmented for
a member of the Mechanical.
Rain!
Miss Reddit!
This, my good friend, is
the Cururgeon.
I am the
divine lord of science
now. I have come
to cure these beings.
You're doing a
pretty shit job at it. Fucking
what the hell?
I am so
close now. What are
you killing them of?
Well, their height
problem.
Their height?
Soon they will be
like regular citizens of the
Imperium.
Yes, quite deep.
Gentlemen, may
I please, if you don't mind,
this looks to be a bit of a
very, you know,
just kind of eyeing these abominations
that are being standing
menacingly. Of course. Speak to your
stupid flesh friend. By all means,
stay my hand, Reeb. Someone has to.
Excuse me,
my dear.
May I have your name? I know you are the divine
lord of science, but please,
we are both, we are both
surgeons and doctors
here. Please,
pass unto me your name.
I am simply the
divine lord of science
now. I have no other name.
We all decided
our names when we decided
we would come here as the
Emperor's angels to bring to the
deliverance to this planet.
Yes.
Very good. I'm going
to attempt, can I try to corral
her away from the abominations
off to like a corner?
Oh no, she's like not moving and she has
this cogitator station behind her
and she's just sort of standing in front
of it with the two close-ish
by.
Can I approach or is there a,
is, can I make like, can I make an insight
to make sure that approaching
her won't like set something off like it did
with fucking Legzi back there?
Absolutely, absolutely.
Yeah, I'd like to make sure
that I'm not about to bumble.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Or, or you will, you will roll a success
and a bumble. Alright, I am,
I know what complication we're going
with. Alright, Reeb, you do
go up ahead and you get the sense that these
things are not, um, are not
aggressive. Uh, like they're, they
seem to be very much programmed
uh, with the divine lord of
science in mind. Now, I
am going to,
um, going to
really quickly message you
something on Discord
that is something the
rest of the players won't know that you notice
as you approach.
Oh, Jesus. Alright.
Okay, cool.
There you go. Um,
and you, you approach closer and see
like the, the medical caskets
and, uh,
you see the doctor who's sort of in front of
the, the computer and she's like, yes, I,
I, so close now
to fixing the problems
here.
The fuck are you doing? Stapling
legs to them?
Lord, that, that was one of the
early attempts. My next ones
will be much better. I
hope to have it only down to
three to one as my ratio.
So, sensing kind of like
she's really proud of all this, I
don't want to like burst her bubble right
away. I'm gonna try to like ease her
off this, uh, ledge
so to speak. Okay.
Yes, these
are all quite interesting. Excuse me,
can I please inspect the stitching on that one?
It's quite, um, looking
at the two bodies stitched at
the neck. Yes. It's very interesting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to feign
inspection, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and as you come closer, it like
releases this like horrific, like
stitched neck
sound. Merzmerg.
Yes.
Like,
its legs kind of flop
on where its really high
head should be.
Merzmerg.
What is it saying?
Oh, I don't know. It doesn't need to actually
be able to talk. That's what I'm, that's not
what I'm hearing. I think it is saying
Merzmerg, Reeb.
Yes, I'm
I, I, I
hear that it also is wishing
to die.
Gentlemen, just find a
find a place to set for a moment.
I, uh, I am
I'm greatly interested
in what you have here.
Oh, oh, and she walks over,
I'm just about to start
on a new one, and she goes close to this
tank and puts her hand
on it, and Reeb is
Reeb's gonna want the tank.
She's just like, yes, yes, we
caught this one
trespassing on the surface we did.
And now I think, I think I
can, it's a particularly small
specimen, but I think we can make it
much taller.
Yes.
Quite.
Please enlighten me, ma'am.
Do you know what these
beings are?
Yes.
Homo sapien minimus.
Which is why, if I just
take one word off of that,
they'll be homo sapiens again.
So, let me ask you,
you were given the order
to improve them, to make them
taller, yes?
Oh, no, I took that after
the Divine Lord of Fervor
convinced me of what we
should do here, and the Divine
Lord of War, well, he said
we should never leave.
The Divine Lord
of War said that he should never leave?
Correct.
Hmm.
Sounds to me like he's come up with that
himself.
Oh, yes, yes. They were both quite
wise, not wise in the ways of science
like me. Oh, no, no,
no. But, you will have to excuse
me, I am very busy, and she turns back
to the catcher, I must start the
process. Yes,
I must prepare this little one.
I must prepare him
to be joined.
Before you do, ma'am, I do
need to show you something.
Yes? And she kind of
turns around. I reach into my
coat pocket, and I pull out
with a wrath die
the White Dwarf magazine.
Yes!
Now, I haven't read,
I personally have not read
White Dwarf in, like, years.
Yeah. But I do distinctly recall
them saying something along the
lines of, ratlings are
while abnormal, no more a
part of the Imperium than anyone else.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, like the
they're just like ab-humans
that are spread across the Imperium.
Absolutely. Oh.
So, I know she's trying to fix
them, so to speak.
Can I try to convince
her maybe to stop
and be like, you're doing a
very good deed here, but
I'm afraid they are most
definitely still human.
I believe your efforts are
being sequestered away
from more important ventures, and I
think the Lord of War knows that.
I want you to give me a Persuade check
using your White Dwarf
bonus. Okay.
Can I please pull, like,
some Wraths for this? I'm very afraid.
Oh, some Glory?
Well, you can use a Wrath to reroll,
but Glory to add to it, for sure.
Yeah, so we have five.
So you get to roll first.
You can use as many as you'd like. I'm okay with it
if the group's okay.
Okay, a five. You'll probably
need, um,
this is really tough. She's, like, really into
her work. You're gonna need
probably two more successes.
So I'm gonna
use my Wrath first. No, no, no, this is Rage.
So Rage, do you want to
toss,
like, how much Glory do you want to toss at this?
I'd like to use my Wrath first before
I do that. Oh, fair enough, absolutely.
So I just hit the reroll?
You have no more Wraths.
Yeah, just hit reroll, yep.
Okay, no more Wraths.
So no bonus there. So how many
Glory do you want to use?
We got five. I got one Glory.
Five Glory. Yeah, tell us
how many we're willing to part with.
All of them?
Yep, sounds that way. I'm fine with it.
5d6?
I just need two.
Or something. Yep.
Yeah! One, two, three, yeah!
Yeah, and a shift, yeah.
Um...
So, you're...
Basically,
you get, um,
four more successes from that Glory
you spent. She comes over and she's like,
Oh, well, I must have missed
this issue of White Dwarf.
I didn't re...
I didn't quite realize all of this.
Oh, well.
He's trying to direct your efforts
away from important business.
Quiet, you! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
They're saying the Lord of War's trying
to... to... what?
He's trying to direct your attention
away from important
business. He wants you
distracted while he
does more interesting things.
Ah, of course.
That... that is it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I've just...
I've... I mean...
I just thought that I
was doing the Emperor's work, you see.
What's everyone else
doing during this?
I am... I am terrified
beyond belief, and I
am like ba... I assume like some of the heads
are coming out and going like,
like, no! Fuck you! And I'm like
batting them with a stick. Like, fuck off!
Yeah, you've got like... you've got like two that have
come up. One that has this like elongated
forehead, and one that just has
like mounds of flesh as a
neck that have come up.
I'm batting them away like, get the fuck away
from me.
You might want to save big brain energy there.
Zedek, what are you doing?
I'm definitely internally debating the
the ethicality of murdering these
horrid experiments.
It would be better to kill them.
Okay, so you're just standing there having a moral debate. Cool.
Pybrain, what are you doing?
Uh, when the science lady mentioned
the little one, could I see
which one she was referring to?
Would you like to give me a
awareness test? I would love nothing more.
Do-do-do-dood, do-do-do-dood
Do-do-do-do-dood, want to see
what you are awares of in
this room.
No, only, yeah,
not a query, but you... with a
it's not quite enough to
get a sense, but you know that, like, as she said, the little
one, she clearly, like, padded on one
of the pods. I'm going
to walk up to that pod.
Okay.
I'm going to intercept him real quick.
Yeah, yeah, he's, like, directly in your path.
So you clearly just stop him, is he?
Huh. Brain! Yes, what?
I require
technical expertise for a moment, please.
Ah, yes, what do you need? I am indeed the expert
of technical expert-expert.
Tell me, what do you need?
Yes, so she has a
cogitator here. She has been
using it to, uh,
get, no doubt, a number of notes off
of it. If you are able to, could you
please disengage it and open up
all these pods? I believe I have
talked her off the ledge. It appears
this Lord of War, or whatever
he's going as, is, uh,
the primary culprit behind
all this. I fear in her advanced
age she has, um,
as you might say, gotten
a few clogs in the gear.
I would never say that, but
I understand what you are saying.
Uh, very well. I have used a cogitator
from time to time. And I'm
going to move up to the cogitator.
And, uh, start pressing the buttons.
Yeah, so... I'm gonna pry open the
fucking pod before anyone else does anything.
Please! Yeah, yeah, yeah, so
you've got her. She's, like, taking your white dwarf
and is clearly reading it. You've rushed
over to the pod. You, you look
down and see the figure within the pod.
Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to
I'm no doubt not trying to force
it open, per se, but if there's, like, a release,
can I pull it open? Oh, yeah. There's this
pneumaticus, and then you just hear this
tsss.
My glory!
I will quickly extricate
the child and put him somewhere
else.
That was really
close.
Wow! Don't need to
stress! I didn't know you could buy a whirlwind
tank for $45.99!
Now, it's all, it's
overpriced garments, plastic. This is quite a deal.
Now, please just
don't worry, just read this lore section.
Alright, uh, index
Astartes. I'm
glorious!
I'm going to need that back, by the way.
We can, we can photocopy it later.
But that's illegal.
Shut up! Okay.
And she kind of, like, waters
off. Um, are you,
are you, like, so, okay.
Actually, one sec. Pi, you're the
cogitator. Yes, I am. Would you,
would you, like, give me a tech test on them?
I would love to give you a tech test on
them, yes.
Hey!
That's not all. Yeah, you're able to download
some data, which you can't quite process
immediately, because you notice the, like,
horrible, rattling abominants are getting
closer to you again. Hey! Get out!
Hey!
But, like, and,
Reeb, you now have, have the, uh,
the tot in hand. Would you, are you, like,
basically trying to back out of
here now? No, I'm going
to really quickly,
I'm going to bring him forward, I'm going to say,
Oh! What the? I'm going to turn
around, and I'm going to have him behind me
slightly. Okay. I'm going to shout out to the rest
of the party. Oh! Oh,
fellows, look who's just bumped into us in here!
Oh, look!
It is my...
I was trying to be a gorilla!
Did it work?
Is he unharmed?
I was almost went
for sleep-sleep in the pod here.
It's real comfy.
Is that why?
Yes, yes, I'll fix you later, little
one, don't worry. I, I was so
did she do anything to you? Did she do anything
to you? Are you
safe? Are you fine? Are you okay,
Tater Tot?
I'm all right, um,
I just,
they put me in the pod, and then
that was all I know.
Who is safe? It's a sleep pod.
Reeb. Reeb. Who would put you
into the pod?
Why
don't you? Why would,
why would he burn Olympus? That
doesn't make any sense. What's
even going on in this?
Reeb. Gentlemen. Why don't
you give us
some memes?
Why don't they? What did you say?
There was, there was a nice lady
over there, and then he points to the, to
the, uh, the divine lord of science who is still
flipping through the white door. My eyes
immediately look at her in
psychic power, just
I draw my gun.
Gentlemen!
Huh?
Yes, Reeb? We are in a
very delicate situation right now.
In case you have not noticed.
I don't think these are any more or
less dangerous than the others we'd fought
already, but do you really want to
test that?
Good point.
Let us leave with the
tot.
We will send someone for her
later, and she can answer for whatever
crime she's committing another time.
But right now, I would rather be
very, very far away
from these
lumpen sacks. I agree. Let us
leave everyone, and I
bring Tater Tot, like, I grab Tater
Tot's hand and say, come on.
Come with me.
Alright. I will just have
one question for her.
Oh no.
Walking up to her.
Hello, mistress
of sciences.
I put a hand
on her shoulder.
Yes?
Where is the tech
that was a part of your
group?
Oh, well,
you see,
she didn't
want to leave,
or she wanted to leave,
and the Divine Lord of War
said that couldn't happen.
So,
well, what's left of her is
buried in the hills to the north.
Oh, I
see, and
Yes, that's where we left all of our
equipment,
including our comrade.
This is now a death grip.
And you wouldn't happen
to know
what forge
world she hailed
from.
No,
I don't really care about
things like that. You don't care
about it?
Well, then,
I'll be back for
you.
And I let her go.
I begin to help escorting Brain
out and the rest of the group, going,
Let's go visit this wall, fellow.
All right, all right.
Oh, what's a skaven?
And she continues
going through the
The port of warmth in the water.
Oh, before I go,
I am going to
try to erase her cogitator
of data.
Give me another tech test. Sure thing.
You're just anything to fucking
You're gonna fucking mess this thing up.
You're going to trip the firewall and get a screw.
Yes!
A complication.
All right, so
the complication
here is
you do manage to successfully
cause the
cogitator unit
to remove the data and get everything you need
off of it. You succeed. However, you
do trip some kind of alert.
Zoran,
can you please give me a rune point
as a result of this? I guess.
Increasing powers
arrayed against you.
Give you one or take one away?
No, give me one. I guess.
Your complication is
my benefit.
But you
you're very confident.
And you all quickly
leave the divine lord of science
to her reading.
And then you once again head back and
tater tot's with you now.
It was awful
cold liking that little sen.
Don't worry, little
tater tot. It will be far
colder where she is going.
Oh.
All right.
Colder, colder than
something that is coral
like the oceans.
Should I use my glory?
No, don't use your glory.
Hey, chew on this.
And I give him the femur.
Better not get any
viscer on my book. I need that.
I signal to
Corporal Forkfoot to fork over
one of his remaining potatoes and I give it to
tater tot, saying, here, just
regain your strength. You must be
awfully hungry after almost falling asleep.
Yeah.
And then I assume you're making your way
towards the divine lord of war.
I actually have a question.
Would I have some kind of community
device that only works when we're actually
in the network that could like
schedule a message to be sent?
No, so
this place doesn't have any com
Oh, oh no, I mean like on my
person, like some kind of thing that'll say, oh
when you connect to the network, it'll push a message
to somebody.
No, no, no, you would have to like be
directly wired into some kind of like
planetary coms. Those
are like the big sort of vox units
that you like would often see
guardsmen like kneeling down with and like
big vox. I got you, I got you.
So for now we can't, but I assume we're going to the lord
of war for time scheduling and whatnot.
So, uh, going to the lord of war down the
hallways.
Yeah, yeah, so you make your way
um, eventually entering
through like a group of doors that
his opened, and you are immediately
assailed by
the smell of cooked
food. I don't know.
And you see down this
stair path towards is this
almost banquet hall
feast, and
far off at the other end
probably 16
or so meters away
lies the divine lord of war
who looks up at you
as you enter
his territory.
And this rotund
immense figure
stares
and takes
a snap from a haunch of
meat. This ball
of humanity
takes this horrific
bite, looks up
What is your malfunction?
I turn
to the group, and I go,
do we even wanna?
No. No.
Okay, cool. Do we all agree?
Just to start?
Hold on.
I've had it bad enough for today, I think I'm getting an ulcer.
You see several like
ratlings, probably three or
four from where you are,
that are mulling about.
One of them appears to be holding onto an
elongated blade
that looks to be like
something you would see like a veteran
guardsman wielding. One is holding onto
like a lasgun,
like a drab green lasgun.
It's clearly way too large
for them.
Why are you
here in my
quarters?
I believe he speaks more of your
language.
We have come on behalf
of the officio
ambassadorium to find out
why you and your party
went missing, and
why the Imperium at large
has not received
its requisite tithe
of guardsmen and food.
As I can see,
I now come to understand
where some of that food
may have gone.
Does this...
Do you know what Catachan is like?
It is a terrifying
death world.
Everything will kill you, including the
butterflies. Especially the butterflies.
Hum, hum, hum. Then I came
here, and I found
food. Hum, hum,
mmm. Such delicious
food. Food everywhere. Hum,
hum, hum.
So...
You know...
Can we just...
Can we just roast him?
Oh, uh, yeah!
For once, I'm in agreement
with the order. Look, I don't think
we're going to rationalize with this one.
All right. Captain, I believe
this is what we in the business call a lost
cause. All right, I'll start
then. I merely point at him and
cast credits. Alrighty.
There's no stop. There's no negotiation.
I'm drawing my arc pistol and
fire answers. Let's go with the combat map.
Alrighty.
Um...
All right.
All right. Thurston, I'm not
I'm not meaning this in a mean way, but nice stretch
JPEG. Yeah, yeah, hush.
I don't know, because I've used this tile before. I'm sorry. I thought
we could save the budget by not ordering
like, giant banquet
table dot JPEG.
So don't worry, I used
these tables all the time in my own pen and paper.
As he sets all this up for us real quick,
is that, uh, just to kind of
paint the image for the audio version,
um, what we've seen
is basically walking to
a kind of iron area where the giant
feast is happening, and you see a
giant, rotund
catachan soldier who is
think of your dining room
table, and think you need to, like, stack
like, three of them around each
other, and that's how much surface
area is needed to hold this mass.
And he is just eating food
and everything else. It is just
not something
you want to be a part of.
It is horrible
in every way, shape, or form.
And all of us are equally disgusted.
May we please
now begin with the killing.
Yeah, uh, so I believe, Lorne,
you were starting us off with an immediate
psychic, uh, psychic attack.
Yep, immediate psychic attack.
I point to him,
and I kind of go like, well,
save our Sam
for the first! I begin to, like,
close my hand around him and try
to crush him.
Which is, uh,
and I'm going to spin. Also, by the way,
Reeb, you were given a wrath point by chat,
so you're up to one. Uh, I am
seeing mine. I believe, uh,
his defense is not...
It's not particularly
high? Yeah, it's not particularly high. I think a
five as a result will do it.
Okay, um, yeah.
You will, you will hit him with a five.
Awesome, and then the damage of it,
I succeed on my extra damage die, so it's gonna be
eleven damage total, and he is now
restrained.
So, um, he is not restrained.
He has a special rule called
Thick Boy that prevents him from
Um, he will take
one wound from that, as he is
quite resilient, um,
and then, on top of all
of that, he will make a reaction.
Um...
Sorry about the sound there, everybody. I fixed it.
Oh, no, he's gonna fart!
His reaction will be
to, like, as you, like,
crush, and there's, like, I don't know,
like, you do a little bit of wound, I don't know,
you, like, push in his belly
a slight bit, and there's some gurgling
sounds.
It's not acceptable!
You! And he points to the
rattling to the north of him, just around the
corner here. Shoot him with
my gun! Um,
and so his reaction of shoot him
with my gun triggers,
and the rattling takes a shot at you, Lorne,
with the catachins. Oh, I'm gonna die.
Lasgun, let's see what happens.
Here comes the crit! You and your pathetic
health. Oh, that,
that wouldn't happen. Pew!
There's the crit!
Oh, no! There's the crit!
You have to see it! You have to see it!
Uh, yeah, so
you, like, go, and then this, like,
rattling raises up this immense lasgun
and shoots, um,
da da da da da da
um, sorry, that should be
yeah, that's, that should
be seven, uh, damage to you.
Uh, total, so I don't know, what's your resilience?
So, Chat, this is
how, basically, um,
soaking up damage and whatnot is, so he does
only seven to me, right?
Uh, yeah, yeah, seven. Okay, so, basically,
Chat, on how this works, uh, he attacks me, my
defense is only one, cause I'm a wizard
in 40k, and
so he hits me, he
passed that by a landslide,
but my resilience, which is to my armor,
is six, so his seven
hits my resilience, so now only one
gets through, but what I can
do is basically a determination
uh, kind of test, in which what I'm going to do
is, uh, roll determination to try to
negate it by using my shock value.
So, uh, for you
game masters, is it good to do that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alright, I'm gonna roll it, see if I succeed in anything, which only
is one attack, but I get a
six on one of them, so I'm able to negate that,
and then minus one of my, uh,
I think I, cause of each thing that I
try to do, I suffer two shock.
So, from eight total of my
shock, I'm now down to six.
Yeah, um, and
as that happens... And so I negate all that damage.
The crit effect goes off.
And that's when I die. The crit effect
is a merciless strike,
which only does one
mortal wound to you, as it basically
impacts you in the chest, you can't soak
that mortal wound, so you just take an extra wound.
Yeah, so basically I, uh, my
total of five wounds is now down to four, so that's how
Rattling Glory works, with kinda like soaking damage
and armor comes into play.
Yep, um, and
then, uh, with that,
uh, that would be Lorne's action, cause that was
a reaction to what Lorne was doing, so then
I get to go, and that
Rattling rushes on forward,
using the table actually as cover,
raising up the lasgun,
and taking another
shot, uh,
this time, however, targeting
Piebrain.
Pew!
Pew! Um,
misses with a three, I believe.
Indeed it does, against my high
defense. Yeah, against your high defense.
It just goes wild, zings past
Taterton, he's like, ooh, shiny!
Um, yeah, and, uh,
that's, that's me, so back to, back to
you guys. I would love to shoot him
right now.
You might wanna move and do that, I've got a very
sinking feeling of explosives coming up.
That's a fair point. Yeah.
Uh, ooh, what's gonna be the best place? I'm gonna
just fuckin'
move here
to get in front of you and not let you die.
Okay.
And then I'm going to aim at him and shoot.
Yeah, for sure.
Uh, who are you shooting, the big guy? Oh, I'm shooting
big boy. Yeah, absolutely.
Give me, uh, give me an attack roll.
Boom. Oh!
Oh! Whoa!
Hey! No! No hits
and a complication! Can I use
a Rattling?
Um, you, you can,
but it won't fix the complication.
Okay. Yep.
Roll it. He wants to try again.
Yep.
Oh, there we go. Oh yeah.
Uh, you'll hit, you can shift one to extra
damage if you want, because he has
a defensive one. Oh my god. I would love to do that.
Yes,
uh, so add one bonus dice to your
damage, please roll damage. Boom.
Uh, so
fourteen, so you do four,
um,
yeah, that's fine. I'll, I'll
take that. Uh, the, you
like, electricity arcs over
his skin and he just lets out those
What are you doing?
Ah! Why won't
you die?
And the, the complication,
uh, we're gonna, we're gonna
pull from one of our, uh,
one of our lovely Patreon
um,
options here, uh,
from Gerard
Whelan, I believe is our patron
here, uh,
Ossian Mishap. Oh.
A stray electrical arc,
uh, for fuck's sake,
causes all metal
carried by you
to become magnetized
and draw other,
um, like causes other
characters to be drawn towards you.
So what I'm going to say is,
um, the other characters in the party
cannot, uh, cannot
end their movement further
away from you than they currently are.
For fuck's sake.
Great. As this, this
electrical blast goes out,
hits him, and then the, the rear
charging coil, like, has this
high-pitched whine and then a pop.
Um, and then
I will go, and
I will definitely
have this guy come out with his
sword, hopping over the table,
rushing towards you,
and, uh, bringing this machete down
on you, Captain Zedek.
Oh boy.
We'll see how this goes.
Captain Zedek to get a new face.
Uh, I'll hit you with a total of
four, uh, and
for damage, I will get an
eight for, uh, my...
Your resilience is eight, so you're good. Yeah.
Yeah, so you just take one point of shock. It clangs
off of your breastplate, but you, you
kind of are, are startled by it.
And this, this one looks at you
and is like, I will get him, sir!
I will get him!
Uh, and that's it for Maio,
so back to the players. Who wants to go next?
I would like to go... Uh, oh.
I would like to ask, because...
Yes, we just need to ask real quick.
Can I do... Yeah, go. If I can go next,
because I'm not going to be able to actually do much fighting
in my current position. Understandable.
Can I please medicate myself to full?
Oh, can you heal yourself?
I'd like to try.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, go ahead. Okay.
Uh, medicate. Yep.
Wham.
Uh...
You can always spend a wrath to reroll.
No, I think that'll...
I just need to heal a bit more.
Uh, yeah, so you can...
You succeed, you can shift one exalt
so you can get two wounds back by basically
bandaging yourself up.
I'll take that. I'm fixing my knee still.
Oh, yeah. Oh, my knee.
That rally got it real good.
Okay, uh, so this comes to me.
Uh, last gunner's gone, that one's gone.
Um, the big boy.
Uh, the big boy is going
to finally activate.
Um...
I am going to spend a rune,
so please mark that off for me.
Um...
I'm going to use his special
ability, entitled Alpha Charlie
Snack Time.
Uh, and he will raise
his, like, small knife
towards all of you
and just shouts out,
You are all unfit to serve
the glorious Imperium.
None of you understand what it is like
to live on a death world
and find such a fine,
abandoned Imperial settlement
like I did!
Um, and then he makes a, uh, interaction
attack against, uh, up to
three of you. So I will pick
all of you but Reeb,
because Reeb's kind of hidden.
And he will make an intimidation check.
Oh, okay.
I'll succeed. So all of you,
um, Pybrain, Lorne,
and Zedek, you're hindered, which just
increases the difficulty of actions
by one, um, until the
end of the next round. And then,
as part of that action, the more special part
is he eats from a hunk of meat,
a hunch of meat, and
restores...
one wound. Cool.
Fucking hell.
Okay, that's him. Back to the party.
All right.
I suppose it is my turn. I'm going to
reach down. I'm going to hand
Tater Tot my power sword.
I'm going to point at
this guy. I'm going to say,
Tater Tot, kill! Um...
How long does this cost?
I see an effect last.
Uh, until the end of the current round.
Oh, shit, never mind. I take my
sword back. That was just a practice run!
Okay.
I still have my glory.
Yeah, I don't care, I don't care, whatever.
And I am going to
go boop, boop, boop.
Um, still
about as far. I couldn't go here,
but I could go here.
Um, and I am going to
make a sword attack on this guy,
and a pistol shot on this guy.
Multi-attack.
Okay, so the difficulty for both will go up by
three, because you're hindered.
And you'll have the two penalty
for the multi-attack.
Ah, yeah, that's actually a good point.
Uh, in that case, I'm just going to take a shot at Fatso.
He's fishing for
crits, I think. I won't, uh...
See what he can get.
Yeah! As you narrate, as you do your turn.
That is correct! Yes, yes, yes!
Do it! I will take out
my radium peace style!
And fire! And I am going to level it
and then I am going to fire
radioactive radiation
at the pew-pew!
Uh, you'll hit, like, you'll hit,
because he has a defense of one.
Yeah, I'll push one over at that,
huh? You can't
though, because you're minus three. Ah,
well, I'll think about it. Because you're hindered in multi-acting.
So you will hit, but
uh, there will be a complication.
Oh, hold on, can't I use a
glory to make one of those an auto-success?
Um...
To have one success? No, it's not an auto-success.
You can add a glory to roll
an extra damage. Ah, I see.
Complications can never be
overwritten. Yeah, you're right. I'm getting confused
with the world of darkness. My bad. No, you're good.
You're good. Okay, so you shoot.
In this case, let's, uh,
roll me 2d6 to find out what your terrifying
complication is. Excellent!
Yes!
Ass!
Twenty-two!
Twenty-two!
Weapon complication.
Okay, and roll
twenty-two. Oh, your, your, uh,
your pistol is out of ammo.
Alright.
It's the first time you used it! You fire all
of the bullets, all of the radioactive
bullets into this, this guy
thinking you need them all.
Please roll damage. Sure thing.
Oh. Uh, they
bounce off him, like
That's pathetic. Yeah,
Kai is not much of a gunslinger.
Aww. Uh,
Why's the gun supposed to be good, though? Why's it bouncing
on a fuckin' shitty plate mail?
I hate this. Yeah.
Well, that, that was at the fat guy, too,
so. Yeah.
They're just absorbed into his skin, like
and then he shakes and they fall out.
I make a power sword attack.
Oh, I make
a power sword attack. That's what's gonna kill him
in three years. Yeah, cause we're gonna lose.
So I will take out my power sword,
swing at this person who dares to
flee. Oh my
god.
Yes. Do I still get him?
Uh, no.
You quite miss with your minus three.
You can, you can, yeah, you can
you got two wrath, so. Wrath it! Wrath it!
Oh, yes, you hit. Okay.
You kill.
There is, there is no, there is
no way. You come up behind and bring your
power sword down and just tear that
right eye in two and he drops the, the machete
on the ground. I just empty everything, this pistol
this guy does nothing, and whatever.
And I turn around, I'm just casually, like, not even
looking at him, just cut him in half.
This is really mad about this gun, though.
One, two, three.
Uh, Tater Tot charges,
cause he has no metal.
Someone in chat, someone in chat posted a
really good comment, revenge for the promethium
that he consumed from my fuel tank.
That is
true!
Uh,
Tater Tot will hit and
complicate. Yeah! Of course.
I would expect nothing less.
Um,
Tater Tot will
so Tater Tot rushes out, wielding
his, his glory, uh,
jams into the chest of, of
this servant. Uh, let's see what the complication
is. Uh, thirty
three,
which is a weapon
jam, so he jams
his glory into the
chest of this person.
Um, and
How much damage? Let's see here.
It's going to be four
plus two d six.
Actually, plus, uh, three d six
because he can shift.
Oh, damn.
Uh, and, like, manages to
to, to, to break through some of the
armor,
but not take this, this guard down, who just
looks as the glory is embedded in his
chestplate. And this
ratling looks up and
is, like, doesn't
appear to have any
weapons, um,
but, you know,
um, we'll see what happens.
Uh, I guess that, that
will then bring me back to this one
who moves up here.
Um, and that's
Make a bite of tater tot, folks. Everyone in the
party, uh, so
top of the initiative, back to you guys.
I wish to, uh, begin
again, if that is fine.
You may. Good, I will
kind of position myself up to here,
and then I am going to go, alright,
I'm able to get through that blabber
of my psychic abilities, but, uh,
I assume no one else is
going to have ranged weapons, right?
Not at all.
No, no, no, the ratlings.
Only one does, right?
So, the, yeah, the one back here has a lasgun,
this one has a knife,
and then this one here has no
visible weapon. Okay, so,
right, Brank, could you take care of the
one with the gun as soon as possible?
Fat man!
I need you to take care
of the gun first, please.
Very well.
Thank-o!
And I point to the fat man, and I
smite! Straight
at him. Ooh, nice! So that, uh,
so smite, everyone, is the
default psychic power that basically any psychers
get, and I will now roll
as soon as, roll 20, there we go,
and I COMPLICATED!
What?!
With the complications of this episode!
Now, do we have a Patreon
complication, possibly?
We do not have any psychics.
We don't have psychic ones yet. Okay.
So you, too, could come in and offer psychic, uh,
complications in our Patreon. So what I'm going to do...
But for now, we'll use the default table. 2D6.
2D6 are now rolling. That is
going to be a 53,
and I can read that out if you'd like.
Uh, yeah, if you've got it up.
Yeah, yeah, I did have it up
as I'm rapidly scrolling to it,
and I am failing horribly
with the page... I have it.
I think I have it, too, maybe?
No? Possibly? Okay. What page
number is it? Because I want to read my own
255. 263!
263! 263 I'm getting to!
Don't worry! I'm getting there!
Okay, and that was a 53.
And a 53 gets me Visions
of Possibility. An awful
droning bird surrounds you, drowning
out all speech.
The drone penetrates the mind.
Odd creatures within
the psyche... with the psychic keyword...
Wait, all creatures with the psychic
keyword within 10 meters must take
a difficulty 4 intelligence
test. Those who fail
are staggered and suffer 1
D3 shock. Those who succeed
gain 1 wrath.
Well, there's only one psyker around these
parts. Shit. Alright.
I make an
intelligence test, then.
I believe. And I complicate it. Of course.
Oh my god!
So, um...
I... let me roll my
smite damage, I guess.
You just hear faintly through
the void, LOSER! You're a loser!
That does not roll. That does not roll.
Oh, you should be! There you go. I do,
uh... I do
1 mortal wound.
Uh, yeah, you... you
feel the... the sheer
immensity of this person
repel your psychic rebounds. And yes,
much like Airtel suggested, you
just hear, YOU ARE AMERICAN! YOU
ARE NOTHING! And just these, like, ethereal voices
of a catachan drill instructor
breaking down your
spirit.
Um, and, uh, yeah, you will
be staggered and take D3 shock.
I'll roll that.
Uh, cool. And, uh, yeah,
that'll be... that'll be Lorne. Takes
1. Uh, THEN
we have this guy who walks
up... to
him. And you see
why he was not wielding weapons.
He reaches down, picks up
this... this... oh, it looks like a
fruit. It's this kind of, like,
small, green
object...
Sent to scatter! That looks
like... he looks dumbfounded.
Oh, uh... And tries to pull a pin
out of it. Sorry, I wanted to say, since
uh, Big Guy's defense was
like 1 or whatever, I wanted to push those two
for damage. Oh, yeah!
For sure, for sure. So 3 wounds is double. My bad.
Cool, cool, cool. Yep, nope, nope. I'll take that.
Uh, and, uh, yeah, this, uh,
this ratling here makes
a ranged attack.
I said to scatter, and instead you
cluster around me!
Um, so
it's going to make an attack. Let's see if
it can... can hit.
Because, you know, reasons.
It... misses.
That's not good.
Oh, it's so scatter!
So it scatters from the point of impact.
So the point of impact is Lorne.
Shit. So now I roll a
d6.
Oops.
So we'll find out where it scatters to.
Uh, so, one,
two, three. So it goes north towards
Zedek. Oh.
Heh!
Uh, three. So one, two,
three. It basically stops right at the door
here. Um...
And...
Yeah, then it detonates.
And let's find out
what the, uh, what the
good ol' range on that is.
I had it up here, but then roll 20 decided it
didn't. I guess it must have, like,
hit him in his head and bounced off that way.
Yeah, just, just pop.
Oh, okay. So it has a
radius of 3, so
I think it's only going to get...
Uh, yeah. Oh, no. It'll get Reed
and, uh... Lorne's, like, about to
cry from the lambasting he got from
the giant fat guy, and then a grenade bounces off
his forehead. Yeah, like,
bonk. Um, okay.
So this, uh, this
goes off, uh, with a
terrifying detonation.
Now, uh, you can,
because this is a, like,
ranged area of effect attack,
you two, uh, can both
decide, if you want to, to go on
full defense. If
you go on full defense, it
essentially means that, uh,
during your turn, you, you can't move,
but, um,
you can, um,
add, um,
like, make a check, uh,
just checking here which check it is, and
then you can reduce the,
the damage by adding to your resilience
here. So full defense is...
Make an initiative
test, and then your
defense, or in this case your resilience, would
go up by one for each icon rolled on the
initiative test. If you want to. I,
I'm gonna just have, I'm gonna soak
it because I can't afford to just, like,
take damage like this. I'm gonna have to just
let the damage hit me.
Okay, and Zedek?
I'm going to also attempt to soak it.
Okay.
I'm not soaking it, I'm going to just get
blasted by it. Yeah.
Um, I mean, you'll get a soak
attempt on it, but yeah. Okay, so you're not
gonna full defense. No.
Same with you, Zedek, you're just gonna take it? Yeah, I'm gonna try
and take it. Alright.
Let's see what happens. Oh boy.
Oh! Jeez Louise!
Oh my god!
Um, so,
that is brutal.
Uh, and the grenade
goes off on the door.
Boom! And sends shards
of just debris
everywhere. Um,
yeah, so, Zedek,
you would technically take eight
wounds from this. You can soak,
so you can roll a toughness
test to reduce that. Okay.
So roll
your toughness.
And a complication. Oh!
And a complication!
Complication? Okay, that's
luckily not too bad. You do roll four, though,
so you would only take four wounds from the
explosion. So you still have one.
Um, and
uh, Reeb, you would
you can also make a toughness test.
I don't know if I have enough toughness
to actually cover that. If you roll a bunch
of sixes, you can.
Like Captain Zedek there, dude.
Alright, well, let's
hashtag believe.
Believe in the heart of the cards. Okay.
Another toughness. Okay, so you'll take two,
so, uh, you will
take six, so you'll be down to zero.
So what happens when you roll down to zero
is, um, you
fall prone. You're not unconscious yet.
You just fall prone. Remember, we do have two glory
right now.
Mm-hmm. Um.
Continuing on.
Wait, look out, sirs.
Yes, yes, yes, look out, sir!
Oh my god, that's right!
Uh, you're right.
Our heart of ratlings.
The time has come!
To make it simple, can we just have
them all, like, and they all
just jump on the grenade?
And we take no damage?
I will allow this.
I will sacrifice a wrath
to make it happen.
So, Forkfeet will
direct the ratling, the
Mashed Tater squad
will move to jump on it.
Uh, there will still be some damage,
but I will say that Reeb
will be at one hit point and not
in dying, or one wounded, not in dying.
Um, but
that will soak all of your
followers, Zedek.
Are you willing to
sacrifice them for the cause?
The needs of the few.
Yes. Uh, alright, so, like,
yeah, this grenade hits Lorne in the head,
bounces off, goes towards the door,
it clearly, like, lands there,
and you see Forkfeet, and there's
just this moment of, like, all of the Mashed Potato
squad turn to you, Zedek, and nod,
and then they just run, and there's
like this gang pile on top
of it, and then it explodes, and debris
showers out, and some of them
hit you, and like, Reeb, you're particularly
dented by it, but you still manage
to stand, but the four
ratlings are now gone.
Is there a knockback? No.
Okay. Uh, and
that's the, that's my action for that one. Uh,
your go. Can I free
action salute?
Can I free action salute my fallen
devotees? Yes, yes.
Yes, you salute. Uh, who wants to go
next? I would like to go.
Uh, I need you to
boss, I need you to get out of my way. Yeah, I'm
gonna do it. I'm just gonna do things. Okay, Zedek,
what are you doing? Uh, I'm instead going to move
instead of measure where I was going to go, and I'm gonna get
right up next to Tater Tot, and
I'm gonna skewer this man with my power sword.
Do it up. Let's go.
Uh, let's see, will it two hit
Divine Shudder of War? Wow. It will
die.
You hit. Just barely, from the looks of it.
And you probably slay him.
With a seven damage, minus three
AP. Minus three,
oh yeah, yeah, that's, that's absolutely enough.
You just he falls
down.
Um, yeah,
okay, so the answer
thing, uh, alright, I get to go
next. Uh, the one with the lasgun looks
up at you, Zedek, and uh,
decides to fire,
and actually
fires, um,
a full load,
like, just unloads the lasgun.
And these red flash-like blasts
come up straight towards you.
Um, and he, yeah, unloads
everything. Let's see if he can hit you.
Aw.
Oh! He crits you!
He crits you! Of course!
He does!
Yeah, I will shift the
one, two, what's your
defense? Is it two or three? It's two. It's two.
Oh yeah, I'm totally shifting two
to be a bad person. And
uh,
uh, only does
eight total, so your resilience
will take it, so you'll just take a point of shock.
Uh, but, as we learned,
the crit effect still happens, so let's see
what happens. Oh, uh, yes, roll a
66, just obliterate him instantly.
Oh wait, no, actually, my, my
apologies, a crit does not happen.
This Divine Servant of War is a troop,
and troops don't get to crit you, so
and then it just
like, pinks off of you. He's, he's not,
he's not good enough to crit you. Uh,
may I take the next go,
lad? Yes. Yeah, you're good.
Of course you can. Yeah. Okay.
I'd like to charge the, the asshole
bastard who just threw a pineapple at me.
Yes! Get him.
Get him now. Uh, he is well within range,
so I can just vault over
this little embankment here and land,
and I'm going to knife him very
hard. Oh yeah.
I whip out
the knife, and I prepare to drive
it into his tiny, shitty body.
You can! You can also shift
the damage and get a bonus damage
dice. I will add an extra
bonus damage dice, and I will do the damage,
and it is not impressive.
It's still six. It is not.
It, it will, will pierce
some of the armor, and he will go,
and then die.
I, I jab him like in that
scene from Saving Private Ryan.
Yes, it's not a very effective
kill, but you manage it, and he falls
down. Bleh.
You
are useless, and
useless, and you
need to get out of here right
now! And, uh, he will, uh,
once again do his, uh, interaction,
spend a point of Rune on my part.
He will attempt to intimidate, this
time going for Pybrain,
seeing the effectiveness of
Pybrain.
Uh, oh!
Lordy, lordy! Uh, he will
definitely hinder you, so nothing else
he can do with all those bonuses, but
he definitely hinders you,
and...
So, so for real, our podcast,
the final words... Yeah, he got a,
he did an Intimidation check on him, he got a
ten. Ten, yeah!
Which is very, very high.
Yeah, he rolled, like,
three sixes, and then four
passes, and then
after that subtle verbal reprimand
Py, he takes a bite from his haunch
of meat, and looks to be much more
fit and healthy as a result of that. Not healthy,
but, you know, fit, I guess. Uh,
okay, that's him, uh, back to you guys, so
I think that leaves us with Py.
Yeah, with me. Um, I was gonna
go for the last gun guy, but seeing
this, I feel like Zedek could probably take him
next turn. Yeah, so you have no
ammo. Yeah. Alright, so,
with my power sword in hand,
both hands now, I
am just going to stare down at this
man. The beast of metal
endures longer than the flesh
of man, you bulbous cock!
And I'm going to burst through
both of these tables, flipping them over,
and despite my Intimidation
fear in the face of this monster,
I am determined to plunge
the sword into the swollen stomach
and carve my name
within it. Um,
how far can you run, mister?
So let's see what happens.
I'm gonna, how far can you run? I'm gonna go, oh,
I, it's a charge, so I double my movement.
Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and I'm
gonna make this an all-out attack.
Okay. Um, and so I believe that adds
two damage, if I'm not mistaken?
Um, or two extra damage
days to it, uh, at the price of
my glorious
defense. Um,
I just want to quadruple
check before we push
that. Plus two damage, minus
two defense. Okay, yeah, great, so I was right. Alright, so
we are going to make a swing.
Swing.
And let's see what happens.
Yes.
Did it go through? Oh, fuck.
Maybe I didn't press it correctly. Let's
Press the button. Press the button. Ah!
Oh my god! Yes.
You may shift two dice.
Alright, I will shift my
two dice.
Alright. Damage.
He hit with an eight,
and then shift two dice, cause he has a defense of
one. The
motive force guides my blade!
Oh! Come at the board!
What? Damn it!
You also want to put in the two glory
die that we have? I absolutely
do! Oh my god!
Two extra
glory.
That's two more, so that is...
That's twenty-two damage!
He would take
his full
wound count. However!
I would like to spend a rune point
to keep
the fat man alive.
On one point. When the time limits
are here, yes,
I will minus a rune point.
Good, good, good, good,
good. Okay, what did you link in the
Discord? That's been there for a while.
And then,
he will order his little
minion to shoot you.
Which... I
will apparently hit it twice.
I will
hit you
with the last gun, and we will see if the last
gun does anything to you. It doesn't crit, that's
the second one is a lie. It doesn't.
And then he dies from the
exertion of using his reaction.
And the other one drops his gun, and
it's like...
Alright.
You're better.
And then Tater Tot runs at him, and
my glory!
And...
Tater Tot explodes.
That hits.
Twenty-six for damage.
And once again, dents in the chest.
But, uh, doesn't kill.
As he's
doing that, I kind of see Tater Tot
coming in, and as soon as it's plunging
in through the armor, I quickly
just cast Smite at him real
quick, and just kind of go, and complicate.
Oh my god, complicate!
Going to electrocute Tater Tot!
So I'm gonna spend all of that
extra die as damage, so it's
extra damage just to add
on top of it.
So we're just gonna do, basically,
it's gonna do four, five,
six, seven mortal wounds, just cause
I just wanted to see what I would do.
And the complication rollout is...
You might want to dial that back
because I'm afraid of that complication.
A fifty-one, which is
Life Drain. A numbing cold
washes out from you, leeching the
very life essence of those nearby.
Every living creature within twenty-five
meters immediately suffers one
D3 shock, and all lesser life
forms, plant, avians, etc., with
neither in die.
So the shock won't matter
because we're at the end of the session here.
However, what's going to happen is
as you channel this and Tater Tot comes up
behind and plunges the knife in, and then you're
psychic-forced to, like,
impart lightning into it that goes through
and murders this divine
servant of war, and Tater Tot is
victorious, there is this
burst of energy out from you, and
all of the food and meat on all of the
tables here just decays
and turns into mulch.
All around.
And I go,
Good job, Tater Tot!
You took him out all by yourself!
And I clap.
Now, as we reach
the end of the session, because we are coming up on
time, you can tell that there is
the immense doors here behind,
which you're guessing are some kind of
connecting point to the outside.
Hmm.
Investigating
and whatnot, it's like, well,
I believe we should get ready here now.
We don't know how that's gonna be past this door
here.
It'll check
on the child to make sure he's okay before
we proceed.
My glory did all that!
And Tater Tot just kind of advances all like,
My glory did all that!
Oh, I do one quickly.
I go to the, uh, to the Fatachan,
and, uh, I take off his
headband and kinda undo it,
and then just cling the fucking
grease off of it, and, um,
I come up to Tater Tot and I
put the headband on
Tater Tot and tie it, and I go,
An additional
trophy to your
glory, Tater Tot.
Okay.
Okay. Um, and with that,
uh, Pyre, are you just gonna, like,
open the door that will allow you to leave
this hellscape now that you have, uh,
dealt with, uh,
the Divine Lords in one way
or another? I absolutely
will. I will, of course, uh,
at some point return for the
remains of the fallen tech priest, but...
Well, you know
that the remains are buried to the
north, in the northern hills, because
she told you that. Uh, also
that's where their communication equipment
likely would be, cause all their equipment was
there. Ah, good, yeah, so we can just
head on over there. I am
so done with this area. As you
press the button and open
the door, uh, the
there's this pneumatic hiss, and then the
gears start pushing apart, and this
massive metal door at the end of this banquet
hall opens, and it
opens up clearly to the outside
of the, like, the capital of the
Fenston section, uh,
the sort of entryway of a
borough home, but
something's off. The sky is
orange. There's the smell
of smoke on the air.
And screaming.
Lots and lots
of screaming.
And as you all take a step
out, um,
we're going to end this
session as
you look around, seeing a host
of ratlings that have burst in.
And all of the tables
where those lounging
nobles were, the
ratlings have now
these newcomer ratlings have attacked
them, and the nobles are
split open, and
ratlings look up with crazed
eyes, their mouths filled with
guts and viscera, and
many of them turn, like,
strange angles to look
at you, and one of them
points and says,
Divine
flesh. We can
eat divine flesh.
Well, I think
he's talking to you guys.
And, uh,
that's where we're gonna end for today's
session.
Oh god.
Oh no.
Well,
good. Thank you,
Thirsty, for another awesome
session of Warhams.
Thank you so much for that.
That was absolutely awesome.
That was exceptionally good.
Thank you. I just present
stupidity to you, and you run with it.
It's wonderful stupidity.
And with that, thank you so much, Brain.
If you want to
tell them about yourself a little bit, where they can find you.
Yes, yes, you can find me
on at SuperSnakeKick at
Twitter, um, or you could find me on
my YouTube channel as SpeakerD,
where I will hopefully be uploading things
soon.
And our wonderful actor for Reeve
Van Horn.
Ah, yes, you can meet
me at Twitter.com
slash Erndilio, because
Erndil was taken by some other asshole.
Uh, that is the only place I actually do
things, because I don't have the time
to do anything else. Um, hopefully
you'll see me there. And our wonderful actor
for Captain Zedek.
Hey, you can follow me at, at
SuperSnakeKickro on Twitter. It's pretty much the only
social media I keep up to date with.
I very infrequently post memes and content
that I think is just swell.
And I'd also like
to say thank you to our wonderful Game Master
who is helping the show run,
Mr. Thurston Hillman.
Where can they find you?
Hello! You can find me on
all the things at
OnCallGM, all one word.
And I look forward
to next time when you will
deal with cannibal ratlings and
nothing can possibly go wrong.
Oh, I absolutely
am going to be scared of
all of it. So, with that, thank you
everyone who has donated. Thank you all the
patrons. Remember, if you're a patron,
get your complications in.
We made a post on there waiting for people to make complications.
They have to be generic enough. You can't specify
one person. That's one criteria I'll make.
Where you can be part of the
show, you can help influence the show, everything else.
Thank you to everybody who has supported us on there.
So with that, I
think it's now time
for us to finally go.
So if you guys want to say goodbye,
so long,
and thanks for all the critics.
Farewell, I love you all.
Thank you all for tuning in,
you're wonderful people.
Enjoy the cry of Rangoon.
I agree.
Attention the join workers.
Bye.
Bye.
The show has been celebrated
for its excellence.
Bye.
Goodbye.