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A podcast for women doing a lot and craving more soul alignment — motherhood, business, healing, relationships, growth — trying to do it without running themselves into the ground.
We talk about:
* intuition & energy
* nervous system regulation
* trauma healing
* self-compassion
* emotional processing
* entrepreneurship
* motherhood
* creating routines that actually support you
* staying connected to yourself while juggling real life
This is about learning how to feel energized, grounded, cared for, emotionally honest, and fully alive.
Your soul called - are you ready to answer?
Welcome to Your Soul Called. A podcast for those feeling like there's something more. More alignment, more purpose, more peace, more connection, more joy. I'm Nicole your host. Each week we explore the invisible things that shape our lives, our intuition, our energy, our emotions and the lessons we came here to learn.
Nicole:Through personal stories, meaningful conversations and practical tools my hope is that every episode helps you trust yourself a little bit more, love yourself a little deeper and remember something your soul has always known. So without further ado let's dive in! Hi everyone welcome to episode 23 of Your Soul Called. Today's episode is called What if their opinion is not your problem? Have you ever had someone say something to you and it feels like an arrow to the heart and even hours later you're still thinking about it.
Nicole:This is me. I hold onto everything for way too long. I find myself replaying the conversation, replaying their exact words, thinking about maybe something that I should have said differently feeling crappy basically for way longer than I know I should be I do this a lot I used to do it more I think a lot of us do. But one of the biggest shifts that I've made in my life over the last two years is that I've realized that someone can misunderstand me, can criticize me, disagree with me, or even not like me. And that's okay.
Nicole:I don't have to agree. I don't have to make it mean something about who I am. And this simple shift in understanding and perspective changed everything for me. Because what if the reason their opinion has so much power over you? It's actually not because it's true and it's not even about them it's because there's some part of you that is allowing it to mean something about you.
Nicole:Let me explain So it always starts with a word or a sentence. Someone makes a comment and you're like feel it immediately and then you question yourself and maybe it's a small comment or maybe it's... They're being like super harsh they're saying something so mean it feels like a dagger to the heart and suddenly it's all you can hear and you shut down and you hear it over and over and over again or is that just me? I don't know so this is how it would feel for me I would take criticism or harsh words to heart and I would literally like hold on to them like grasp on to them and not be able to let them go. And I mean I would hold on to them for hours like replay it in my head over and over and over again.
Nicole:Emotions would come up in my body and then I would retreat. I would go into silent mode and be frozen. Was like one moment I was fine and the next I'm questioning myself. I've completely lost my power. So like why does one person's opinion have such a big effect on me?
Nicole:Why does it suddenly outweigh everything that you know about yourself? Well for me, I used to make disagreements mean criticism. If someone I cared about was upset with me or calling me out on something, I would take it extremely personally and I would make it mean that something was wrong with me. Even if I didn't agree with what they were saying, I was still on some level questioning myself. And it looks different for everyone, but for me, I would shut down.
Nicole:I would shut out. I would freeze. Some people go into fight. Some people go into flight. I go into freeze frozen.
Nicole:I used to call it my turtle shell. I go into my turtle shell and retreat inward, get really quiet and almost like shut down and this was because I didn't know how to deal with intense emotions and I would question myself I would beat myself up and you know like just shut down for example my husband might say something which I would take as criticism and I would make it mean that there was something wrong with me like I wasn't good enough. Now when this happens I'm not only dealing with whatever issue that he's trying to bring up I can't even get to that issue because I've added my own issue on top of it. I'm feeling not enough now. Now I can't even address what he's trying to say because I'm so wrapped up in what it means about me and this is what I would do.
Nicole:But I don't do this anymore. Well, least not in the same way. And it took years of practice, and I wanted to share about what it looks like for me now because I think it would be so helpful if I would have known this, like, five years ago because I just didn't know how to work through shit like this. I just would let it like sit and it would like hold me down and it would feel so terrible and I would just hold on to it for hours or days. But so this is what it looks like for me now.
Nicole:So I've mentioned this before we're currently building a house and with building a house comes many decisions and lots of stress. Stress about money, timelines, everything, all the things and it's definitely tested us as a couple. So on Monday, this past Monday, I noticed my husband is like stressed out and anxious. He doesn't even need to say anything like I could feel it. Like I just knew.
Nicole:I was like, And I've seen him in this state a lot lately, so I knew it was happening. I feel it immediately, but I made a conscious decision not to engage because I was in a good mood and I didn't want to get taken out of my good mood just yet. I had to take the kids to school, I had to take the dog to the dog park, I had shit to do and I didn't want to like have to I don't know deal with what he was feeling because I knew I wouldn't be able to just like quickly address it. So I didn't say anything but then because on Mondays and Fridays he works from home we have to work next to each other like in the same space and being in the same space as an intuitive when you can feel everything and he's feeling like this like heavy vibe I couldn't deal so I was like okay what's up like what's going on I know something's going on. And he goes, the drywall guys need to install this extra layer of insulation between, you know, our side of the house and the rental unit, and they need to do this today and it's gonna be $2,500 and I was like what like what like tell me more like what is it called how good is it is it worth $2,500 like a lot of money?
Nicole:And he goes it's called quiet rock. I don't even know what quiet quiet rock is. I had to look it up. He's like it adds this extra layer of soundproofing between the walls of basically our son's wall and the rental unit because we're building this rental unit in our house for extra income and yes of course we love this added soundproofing but we're also on a very very very tight budget and so my initial thought was like wait you know like don't make any decisions yet like let me like research it let me look into it so I tell him okay just wait and then I immediately start researching quiet rock and I get into this deep discussion with chat gpt because you know chat GPT knows all and I start doing this intuitive read also on the situation because as a trained intuitive I can look into things that other people can't necessarily and this stuff is so helpful like for example will the noise from the rental unit bother my son? Will he be able to hear the washer dryer?
Nicole:What percent will he be able to hear it? How much will the sound be reduced if we install this quiet rock? What percentage from zero to a 100? I can look at all of this stuff. How happy will we be with the decision that we spent this extra 2,500 from zero to a 100?
Nicole:Like, will we be a 100% happier, like, 2% happy? And why? So I was starting to do an intuitive read on this and get some more information before making the decision. And, yes, I know this sounds all boo boo kazoo, but I don't like making decisions in my life anymore without using my intuition and without looking at things from every single angle especially when we're on a tight budget. As I'm doing all of this my husband's phone rings and I hear him talking to Wade the guy our contractor man you know project manager guy and he goes okay okay go ahead Do it.
Nicole:Just do it. I'm looking at him straight in the eye, and I'm going, no. No. I'm, like, making that signal where you, like, cut your throat. Like, no.
Nicole:No. And he just looks at me. He's like, yep. Just just do it. And I am literally, like, fuming.
Nicole:Like, I didn't wanna talk over him, but I was also like, what the fuck? Like like, wait a minute. Give me a second to, like, look into it. I just spent thirty five minutes looking into this and I don't know if we should do it or not. But he made the decision, now I'm pissed off.
Nicole:In the past, what I would have done at this point was gotten into it with him right there. Or or... This is another thing I used to do. I would just shut down and, like, be so pissed off and and but I would go into my turtle shell and just stay there, shut him out, you know, until I couldn't dig it anymore. Almost like I was punishing him but actually I was punishing myself.
Nicole:I would stay in there until it boiled over and then I would have gotten into it with him. But I don't do that anymore. So here's what I did instead. First of all, I allowed the feeling to be there, which I noticed was immediate. It like took over my body.
Nicole:It was like anger. I gave it a name. It was red hot, this like bubbly sort of feeling filled my face, my skin, my whole body. I just let it be there. I didn't tell myself that I shouldn't be angry.
Nicole:I didn't try to pretend like I was fine. I didn't try to make the feeling go away. Just let it be there. Second, I got to the root of what I was feeling. So I knew it was more than that and I didn't want to like work it through with my husband so instead I had a long chat with ChatGPT.
Nicole:And I started to understand that this was about more than just that one decision that he made it was about me feeling undervalued as a woman, as a wife, as a partner. Why does he get to make all those fucking decisions and I don't get a say in it, you know? That wasn't actually the truth about our relationship. It's just how it made me feel. And it wasn't just about the $2,500 which we, you know, shouldn't have spent, I thought.
Nicole:Or about the soundproofing. It was about feeling like my opinion didn't matter. Like I wasn't being seen for the value that I bring to our family and to our decisions. Like I have this skill that could help us and you're not taking advantage of it. Like you're not seeing how special I am and how much I could bring to this how much you know my what I bring matters and this was something that I needed to look at.
Nicole:Basically like why it bothers me so much and then the third thing I did was I vented and I know I know you're not supposed to talk shit about your partner but sometimes you need to get things out of your body because if you don't it turns into something else like resentfulness. I was aware that I was holding a lot in and there was a lot of emotions that were in my body that felt very stuck and like they needed to come out and I needed to release them so I made a conscious decision to vent to my sister for ten minutes and not to make him the villain but just to get out everything that I was holding inside and like I said I didn't need to do it for very long like ten minutes and I felt way better. Fourth, I decoded the reflection. Now this is something I learned about through intuition training and it's been a game changer for me And the way I understand reflection work is that when something happens that bothers you or someone does something that bothers you it's worth looking into because it usually means that there's some kind of emotional imbalance.
Nicole:On some level what you're seeing in that other person is reflective of what's going on in you. So I asked myself how did I feel like he was treating me and I felt like he wasn't valuing me like he wasn't seeing how much I brought to the table and then I turned that question around how was I not valuing myself? How was I not recognizing how much I bring to this family? How was I not seeing how special and valuable I am? And I immediately realized, yep, this is it.
Nicole:Like, I could just feel it like, oh, this is what it's about. Know? This is a part I can actually work on. Now, this doesn't mean that you know his behavior was okay or that I was responsible for his decision he made his own choice about doing that you know right in front of me and I was allowed to be upset about it but I could either stay focused on trying to get him to see my value or I could start recognizing that value for myself and I can't control someone else's perspective of me but I can control myself. I can control how I can control what I can give to myself.
Nicole:I can't make him give it to me but I can give it to myself and so I chose to do the latter. Fifth, I shifted the reflection. I got in my car and drove to pick up my kids. Actually, I did this twice. I got in my car to go get myself lunch and I did a full on rant to myself in that little mirror.
Nicole:You know, the one that pops down as a sunshade. Looked into my eyes and I did a full rant about how valuable I am to my family how proud I am of myself for everything I'm doing how much I contribute as a mother as a wife as a business owner as a partner I told myself out loud using my name everything that I wanted him to say until I felt the feeling of value, of worthiness, of love, until I felt loved, until I felt the warm fuzzy feeling of being valued and loved in my body I know that sounds weird but this is the woo woo stuff that actually works that can shift your reality if you're like into manifestation this shit works because instead of waiting for my husband to tell me that I am valuable I was giving that recognition to myself I was changing how I was feeling about myself rather than waiting for someone else to change how I felt. I did this again in the car ride to pick up my kids. I did like a full seven minute rant on it and I felt so good. I was starting to really feel it, embody it.
Nicole:I felt valued. I really did and I realized I have not been doing this for myself ever. I've... It's been way too long since I felt this feeling and it did feel really good. I needed it.
Nicole:I felt the actual shift. I felt better. I felt more grounded. I felt like myself again. And the sixth thing I did was I stopped trying to fix it.
Nicole:So I did actually try once that afternoon later talk to my husband about it and he straight up shut me down he was like I don't have time for this I don't have time for you and I was like fuming again I was like shifted all my shit and then I got mad again but instead of trying to push him and trying to get him to hear me I walked away I saw this as like another opportunity for myself to give it to myself again so I gave myself more time to lock in that feeling of being valuable as a mother, as a partner, as a business owner, all the things. I stopped trying to get him to understand me in that moment and let it go. And then I went to bed. Like I just let it go. I didn't try to fix it that night.
Nicole:You know they say you're supposed to fix it before you go to sleep. I think resetting your energy comes with sleep so I went to sleep and then the next morning first thing in the morning oh one more thing I did which I totally forgot Before I went to sleep I asked my guides and I asked source to fix this for me. I said take care of this. I let it go now. I let it go to you.
Nicole:Surprise me. Okay, so in the morning I wake up and he goes can you come and sit by me? And I did. And he goes I'm sorry. I was like for what?
Nicole:Secretly I'm smiling on the inside because I was like yes! He goes for not valuing you, for not valuing your opinion, for not listening, for not letting you be a part of that decision. Then he said some other things too, but honestly I stopped listening because that was exactly the thing that I shifted in myself, that I was working on, that I needed to hear. But I'd already given it to myself, but here he is giving it to me. And then here's the the kicker.
Nicole:Okay? Like, you know, we made up whatever. It was good. And then later in the afternoon, he texts me. What do you think about Noah playing in the Christmas soccer tournament?
Nicole:I'm communicating with you right now about this because I value your opinion on important decisions. So see he did it twice. He told me how much he values me because I started shifting how much I valued myself. So I'm telling you this woo woo stuff, it works. And now I know what you're thinking.
Nicole:Like, did he change because you did this woo woo shit? Or like, did he just sleep on it and realized he made a mistake? Well I can't prove to you that you know what caused the shift but I do know that I handled the situation differently and every time I shift the reflection this kind of stuff always happens always and the awesome part is like I I didn't spend my entire day in my turtle shell I didn't make his decision mean that I wasn't good enough I worked through what was happening inside of me on my own and I came back to myself I took my power back and I shifted the reflection. That's where the magic is. But when I stopped looking to him to prove my value and I started recognizing it in myself, I wasn't approaching the situation from the same place of feeling undervalued anymore and I could see you know clearly what happened next differently so here's the point I'm trying to get across.
Nicole:Like, everyone has their own shit going on. My husband has his own shit going on that had nothing to do with me. He was stressed about who knows what, his vision, his fucking whatever he's stressed about. And he felt like he needed to make that decision on the spot and couldn't consult with me. And, you know, that wasn't okay.
Nicole:But I didn't have to turn that into a story about my worth. I no longer take everything that's happening at face value. Like I don't make it mean anything about me. I can look at what's happening in the other person but I can also see and get curious about what's happening in me. Because sometimes the thing that hurts us the most is connected to something that we already believed about ourselves.
Nicole:On some level, in this case, I wasn't valuing myself and this situation which is pointing it out to me. And so when you start noticing these kinds of connections, you learn so much about yourself and it's so cool because you start seeing all the ways that you're looking for this external validation and you start giving it to yourself. You know, you're waiting for someone else to recognize something in you that you haven't been giving to yourself, you're still carrying this belief you maybe picked up when you were a little that isn't even true and you can start doing something about it and this is a part I love this is what I absolutely love about you know when I start to really train and expand my intuition, like, get into the deep with this is, like, the action part. Like, having a plan. How do you actually take your power back?
Nicole:And I know the reflection part is a little boo boo and it's probably a bit over your head if you've never heard of this concept or explored it before but I wanted to share it anyway because I... Processing your emotions like that's one thing that's something everybody talks about like across the board and understanding what they're showing you and all that and and you absolutely need that but using reflection work to change you know your experience to shift things in real time that is a whole another ballpark of amazingness understanding and decoding reflections is something I've learned to do with my intuition training but reflection work has genuinely changed my life. It gives you this inside guide almost instead of only asking like why is this person treating me this way? You can look at it like how do I feel like this person is being towards me? How do I feel like this person is treating me?
Nicole:And how on some level am I being this way towards myself or treating myself this way? Sometimes when you really are able to look at that and get curious about it it will take you into these places that you never expected that you really really needed to go and learn about yourself and see exactly what you need to give to yourself and that gives you all your power back and once you find that belief you can start working with it instead of letting it quietly run your life. So here's what I want you to take away from this episode: The next time someone's opinion or words or rant or whatever throw you off or make you feel angry or leave you feeling like shit instead of stewing on it for days or hours try this: Step one: allow the feeling. Let yourself be angry, hurt, embarrassed, disappointed. You don't have to pretend like you're fine it's okay to be exactly where you are, to be feeling exactly what you're feeling.
Nicole:Don't try to make the feeling go away and don't make the feeling mean something about you just let it be there. Step two: let the feeling out vent to a trusted friend go for a walk get out of your space go to a different space get into nature exercise breathe change your state give yourself some space to feel what you're feeling before you try to figure everything out find a way to move the energy out of your body. Step three: look at the reflection. Ask yourself how do I feel like this person is being? How do I feel like this person is treating me?
Nicole:Then ask is there a way that I'm treating myself like this? How am I being like this to myself? Is there something I'm not giving myself that I wish they'd give me and if so how can I give that to myself? Maybe you're wishing they'd recognize your value so maybe you need to recognize yourself. Maybe you're wishing they'd give you permission to do something and maybe you need to give yourself that permission.
Nicole:You don't have to force an answer here just get curious about it because whatever it however they're being if it triggered you then there's something you need to learn about yourself you know buried in there that's that's the little like gift and four stop trying to fix everything you don't have to make them understand you don't have to resolve this right away you can give yourself time to settle you can come back to yourself and decide how you want to handle the situation later when you're in a clearer place and one very important thing reflection work isn't about blaming yourself. My husband always says this. She's like, oh, so it's my fault. No. That's not what I'm saying.
Nicole:I'm not saying it's you're blaming yourself for someone else's behavior or convincing yourself that it's your fault. That's not what it's about at all. It's just about getting curious really curious about why this is happening so why is the part of this situation happening like what part of it can you work with so you don't have to keep handing over your power to someone else Lately I've started to see being triggered as a gift not because I enjoy being upset I don't but because in those moments they always show me something about myself that I I really like needed to know and see and understand and I otherwise would have missed. Things that are absolutely necessary for me to step up to the next level of where I'm going, my next level of growth. And so if you're someone like me who likes to dig deep and you want to understand why you keep having the same reflections over and over or why certain things hurt so bad or why you keep finding yourself in the same shitty situations There's so much to explore here this is kind of like the tip of the iceberg of the work that I do for myself and if you can understand the beliefs that you're holding on to where they came from and whether they're actually true that can change everything for you.
Nicole:Whole point is to feel more connected to yourself because the more connected you feel to yourself the more you truly value and understand yourself. The more you love yourself the more choice you have in how you respond to life situations that come up even you know arguments with your partner. You can let someone have their opinion and you can still stay in your power. You can be misunderstood or criticized and still know who you are. You can make mistakes.
Nicole:You can be imperfect and still know at your core that you're completely lovable. You don't have to control what other people think of you. You don't have to convince everyone to see things your way because secretly deep down you're trying to prove it to yourself. You're like you just have to learn this is what this whole thing has been about for me. It's like learning to be on my own side learning to have my back no matter what knowing that even if someone else doesn't see my value it's got nothing to do with me.
Nicole:It doesn't mean my value isn't there. So if this episode has you thinking about a situation in your own life that you can't quite figure out or a pattern maybe that you keep finding yourself getting stuck in this is exactly the kind of thing that I help people work with through my intuitive readings and sometimes you can just feel that there's something there holding you holding you back blocking you keeping you stuck but you can't quite put your finger on what it is you might come in thinking you're struggling with a relationship only to uncover a belief you picked up when you were seven. Something that happened so long ago you don't even remember it but it shaped how you see yourself ever since. And it's been blocking you in ways that you could feel that you just haven't been able to fully understand. In my readings we look beneath the surface to explore what these beliefs are, where they took root or got started, where they began, and I'll channel a very specific plan from your higher self to help you release them.
Nicole:I combine my intuitive training with the neuroscience tools I've learned to help you understand yourself more deeply and step into the next evolution of yourself and it's not that I'm telling you in these reads that there's something wrong with you it's more of helping you understand yourself in a deeper way, in a way that gives you more freedom, more self trust, more understanding of yourself, more love towards yourself, and you're gonna leave with this feeling of, like, immediate relief. Like, like no matter no no wonder I I felt this way my whole life that makes total sense I totally get it like you're gonna feel like this deeper connection to who you are at your core and that's that's what they're they're there for so if this sounds like the kind of work that you're ready for you can find me at nicholasalmoiragi.com n I c o l e s a l m o I r a g h I dot com and if nothing else the next time someone gets under your skin try out this method let the feelings be there get curious about them see if there's a reflection vent if you need to let it go don't try to fix there might be something there that you haven't done before try it out it's definitely worth discovering and I hope this episode helped you if you have any questions definitely reach out to me at nicholasamuiragi dot com and I will talk to you next week bye for now