Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
They did Luigi dirty.
Creators & Guests
What is Popcorn & Plot Holes?
Movies are fun! Movies are awesome! But movies can sometimes be very, very weird... or just plain terrible. In this intersection of fun, awesome, weird and terrible is where Matt, Luciano, Chris and Spencer live and thrive. They'll be watching the latest FACTS (Fantasy, Action, Comic, Thriller, Sci-Fi) movies available on streaming services and sharing their equally awesome, fun, weird and terrible thoughts on them. Welcome to Popcorn & Plot Holes!
Matt (00:00.574)
Hello and welcome to popcorn and plot holes.
Chris (00:04.59)
Sup! That's your, yeah, you fumbled the bag. You fumbled it, son.
Matt (00:06.334)
I shouldn't have paused. That's my fault.
Luciano (00:07.265)
Are you saying hello? He's like, what's happening? Do you have a stroke mid-sentence? What happened?
Spencer (00:08.946)
Heheheheheheh
Matt (00:12.546)
I was just trying something new to see what would happen and it was a mistake. I didn't fail, Chris failed. I made a mistake. Mmm. Uh.
Luciano (00:14.572)
You failed.
Chris (00:14.742)
Hmm that was a win that was a win so we both failed Yes, you did got you got you
Spencer (00:16.084)
Big mistake, huge.
Luciano (00:20.534)
I didn't I did you say I didn't fail I made a mistake
Matt (00:24.364)
Yeah!
Luciano (00:26.795)
Oh my God. All right. Moving on.
Matt (00:29.022)
I'm a wordsmith. We are talking about the Super Mario Brothers movie, the one from 2023. This is the first movie in our... No, no, he's dead. Like that movie.
Spencer (00:30.365)
Hehehe
Luciano (00:38.81)
Wait, not the 93 one? I watched the wrong movie. Hahaha Jesus Yeah.
Chris (00:40.982)
Hoskins?
Chris (00:44.718)
Put some respect on Hoskins name.
Matt (00:46.726)
I mean, he was a great actor, but he's dead. Anyways, thank you. We are watching our first movie in our, hey man, you missed it. You missed it by so much. So, so much. I gave a pause, you didn't say anything. Just bad timing. This is the first movie in our review of movies y'all liked in 2023. So we are going to talk about one movie for each.
Chris (00:49.25)
That has nothing to do with his... okay nevermind.
Spencer (00:53.216)
I didn't even know he was sick.
Luciano (00:57.999)
Hahaha!
Spencer (00:58.134)
Sorry. You guys are going too fast.
Chris (01:04.172)
MMMM
Spencer (01:05.6)
Too quick.
Matt (01:16.554)
uh... facts letter in the facts alphabet words how they work uh... you're welcome with me lucy on a
Luciano (01:24.558)
Hey, I also don't know how alphabet works.
Matt (01:28.278)
Great. Chris?
Luciano (01:32.274)
What the fuck was that?
Matt (01:34.983)
Spencer?
Spencer (01:36.692)
Hello. Pause. Good to be here.
Luciano (01:39.494)
Hahaha!
Chris (01:41.735)
Pause.
Luciano (01:42.842)
Yeah, who's paws?
Matt (01:44.618)
Wow. That's how. That's it. One pause. So, Super Mario Bros. is filling the fantasy category. I think it fits pretty well in that category. We don't have a video game category, so this is how we're cheating the system. It's our system, fuck you for even judging us and thinking that way.
Spencer (01:44.744)
No, that's it. I have just one pause.
Chris (02:00.47)
Mmm. Step out.
Luciano (02:00.828)
How dare you.
Spencer (02:01.455)
Yeah, there's also not a lot of fantasy movies in 2023.
Matt (02:03.786)
Where's that? It was quite barren. Let's dive into this movie. Super Mario Brothers, I don't know if you know, it's a vehicle for Chris Pratt because society hates us. This is a very good question. Now, you're welcome. That's what I'm here for.
Chris (02:16.872)
Oh my god.
Spencer (02:18.284)
At what point, what isn't a vehicle for Chris Pratt?
Chris (02:21.89)
Don't you go saying Nintendo. I feel dirty after you said that. No.
Spencer (02:26.44)
He's got more vehicles than Jay Leno.
Matt (02:29.322)
Wow.
Chris (02:30.138)
Oooo
Luciano (02:32.333)
What a shit reference. Like, what the fuck?
Matt (02:34.415)
Hahaha
Spencer (02:35.665)
Who else has a lot of cars? I don't know.
Matt (02:39.146)
Who cares? Bad joke. Jesus. Wow. We have lost containment. We're going to dive into this movie. Let's go through the plot of this movie and we'll pick out parts that are better than what Spencer's doing right now. This movie starts off with Mary Luigi. We see them in Brooklyn and they do a great commercial for their plumbing business. Top-notch work all around. I would definitely hire them.
Luciano (02:40.168)
Ugh.
Chris (02:40.206)
Cat Williams, Prince.
Spencer (02:42.341)
What are you talking about? It's Jay Leno! That was my Jay Leno. Sorry, continue, continue.
Luciano (02:49.542)
I have lost containment.
Luciano (02:55.484)
Okay?
Spencer (02:55.674)
That's not hard.
Chris (03:08.238)
The brothers, the brothers!
Spencer (03:10.92)
Yeah, that was good.
Chris (03:11.602)
That was definitely a definite shout out to that. A Beastie Boys flair and they only used it later on, but I really appreciated that.
Spencer (03:14.804)
Totally Beastie Boys.
Spencer (03:20.148)
Yeah, because the Beastie Boys are from Brooklyn. God damn right. It's a little fact for you all.
Chris (03:22.262)
You're damn right.
Matt (03:23.498)
Thank you, Spencer. You have anything else to add about this movie? Or are you just talking about the Beastie Boys? Pause. Welcome to the Beastie Boy cast.
Chris (03:28.223)
REGNANT PAUSE!
Spencer (03:29.514)
I just- all I have is Beastie Boy facts. That's all I have for the movie, so...
Luciano (03:32.664)
Hahaha
Chris (03:35.694)
Mmm.
Spencer (03:35.946)
The Beastie Cass. I'm your boy!
Matt (03:41.19)
Would anybody like to add more about this movie? I've started the plot. I just wanted to give you some room to talk and that was a mistake. Two.
Chris (03:46.934)
Holes. You looking for some holes to f-
Spencer (03:48.084)
That was another mistake. That's mistake number two, failure number two. No, not failing, and I didn't make a mistake, I errored. Okay?
Luciano (03:49.342)
That was a mistake. Yeah. Still not failing, just making mistakes. Yeah. It was a faux pas.
Chris (03:52.464)
Yeah
Matt (03:57.419)
I Aired it was an air and judgment Yeah I'll continue then if you have anything else say um Mario Luigi then run into spike throw boss who says they're shit in known certain terms And then they go to their family who their dad also says they're shit That was Charles Martin debt by the way tell you meet Mario is shit
Chris (03:59.58)
Hehehehe
Luciano (04:17.284)
Yep. Yeah.
Chris (04:18.649)
Yeah, yeah. Respect.
Spencer (04:21.876)
Oh, he like embodied a little bit of method acting. He was talking to Chris Pratt. He said, you shit! Yeah, yeah, he kept on saying, he said Chris Pratt, you're shit. And then they just cut it up. And you can't swear in this movie. Sorry, I'm sorry. Chris Pratt, you're fucking shit.
Chris (04:26.25)
Yep.
Matt (04:26.956)
Yeah.
Luciano (04:29.151)
That wasn't in the script, it just came from the heart.
Chris (04:33.026)
Look them dead in the eye.
Luciano (04:38.71)
Yeah, and he was like, oh, you mean Mario, right? No, no, I mean you.
Matt (04:38.826)
I was like, ah, can you not say that?
Matt (04:48.309)
I said I said it what I said
Luciano (04:51.515)
Yeah.
Chris (04:51.882)
It happened in the vocal recording booth. Pratt was trying to record his lines all solitary, because it only fits one person. Martin A just like, boop. You a shit. And your brother down with you.
Matt (04:52.389)
Uh, yeah.
Luciano (05:00.438)
You suck. Yeah. That's a bad acting. Yeah. And leave it at that.
Spencer (05:05.961)
You will... You suck at the balls! Then you suck at the balls!
Matt (05:06.154)
Yeah.
Luciano (05:09.594)
What was... the fuck? He was...
Chris (05:14.124)
I... I regret having you.
Spencer (05:15.872)
Hehehehe
Chris (05:19.146)
You were a mistake!
Luciano (05:19.148)
Okay, it took it. It took it.
Matt (05:19.37)
How? Hahahaha
Spencer (05:19.376)
Did you know that the Beastie Boys sold 20 million records in the United States? That's impressive. Subscribe for more Beastie Facts!
Chris (05:23.046)
Hahaha!
Matt (05:25.122)
That is impressive. Thank you for saving us from whatever we were doing.
Luciano (05:27.906)
What? Yeah, whatever that was.
Matt (05:32.294)
Once we find out that Mario hates, nah, he doesn't hate, dislikes mushrooms, I guess, fungal factoid, then the Mario brothers try to save their nonexistent business by going to a random sewer main in Brooklyn and fixing it because quote unquote, they are the only one that can do it, end quote.
Luciano (05:51.83)
Oh, you forgot about them fixing the house for the rich people and getting almost mauled by a dog. Yeah. I forgot.
Matt (05:56.403)
Oh, wow, my bad. That's right.
Chris (05:56.999)
Mm-hmm.
Spencer (06:00.512)
I didn't err. No, no, he already said he already said mistake. I didn't err. It was a lapse. It was a lapse.
Chris (06:02.742)
You made a mistake.
Luciano (06:07.074)
It's- it's- I ju- Hahahaha Laps in judgment.
Matt (06:07.422)
I said- I said my bad, I didn't say anything.
Chris (06:10.462)
He said, so what, it was a lapse. He lapsed, but he did not air. Air.
Luciano (06:16.147)
Air. Yeah.
Spencer (06:17.081)
Error.
Matt (06:20.318)
I forgot that their one job before they crashed a business to the ground was going to a... It was to crash a house with the dog from up trying to murder them through the entire scene.
Spencer (06:24.825)
If you want to.
Luciano (06:24.874)
It was to crash a house to the ground.
Chris (06:24.926)
Yes. Mm.
Chris (06:31.566)
Mmmm
Spencer (06:32.544)
I mean, they had a lawsuit on their hands, man.
Luciano (06:34.713)
Yeah.
Chris (06:34.935)
Yeeeeeaaaaah
Matt (06:35.366)
I think they would have won that lawsuit in the court of law. I think they were fine. That dog, that dog was guilty. Ha ha ha.
Spencer (06:38.744)
I think... 100% That dog needs to be put down
Luciano (06:39.946)
Also, the construction on that house was the shoddiest fucking construction in the history of construction.
Chris (06:47.158)
That dog needs a spot in the WWN.
Matt (06:47.296)
Yeah.
Luciano (06:54.49)
What the fuck? That's not a it's a.
Spencer (06:54.664)
BWA? World Wildlife Association?
Matt (06:54.89)
What is the WWA, Chris?
Chris (06:57.526)
I said, I want.
I had to, I wanted to use the F, but I had to go to the E.
Spencer (07:05.28)
Why not the F?
Matt (07:05.538)
You could have used the F because...
Luciano (07:06.198)
You landed on an A, so I don't know what's happening. Ayyyy, I'm working here!
Chris (07:08.234)
OZAAA!
Matt (07:11.007)
Like, are you saying WWE like the wrestling thing and not WWF like the World Wildlife Federation?
Chris (07:12.774)
Exactly. Brooklyn.
Chris (07:18.406)
I never said the F because I ended up on the A-E. Yes, he needs to be a chairman of the board. There needs to be a shakeup.
Luciano (07:20.446)
Wait, the World Wildlife Federation?
Luciano (07:26.975)
This is another, was this another error? Not a fail, but... I see.
Matt (07:30.898)
No, that was intentional this time. I just want to know where your joke was going. But you know, I'm glad we explained it for everybody. Thank you. No, no, I didn't. That's that's too much on the nose. I just wanted to shade around. We're gonna move on. It's fine. This is this is the worst podcast we've ever recorded. Thank you. Thank God for these beastie facts because we need them.
Chris (07:31.226)
No. Yes, it was. So I take full responsibility.
The dog is a wrestler, a pro wrestler.
Chris (07:44.194)
What's on the shade? We go, we paint within the lines. We were having a good time. Madonna, like a virgin, touch us for the very first time with another factoid.
Luciano (07:46.509)
Yes, please.
Spencer (07:47.796)
Did you know the Beastie Boys opened for Madonna in 1985? Moving on.
Luciano (07:51.122)
Hahaha!
Spencer (08:01.62)
Another beastie fact coming your way.
Matt (08:03.69)
Alright, um, anyways, so now that I've, uh, re-corrected my air and judgment from skipping all of that juicy movie content, we move to, uh, fixing the water main pipe in the middle of Brooklyn. And, uh, Luigi and Mario are quickly sucked into this pipe and sent to, uh, the various kingdoms of the pipe lands, the pipe worlds, if you will. Um, Mario,
Chris (08:04.654)
Let's do it. We're having a good time.
Chris (08:12.849)
Mmm.
Luciano (08:26.487)
The pipe world, yeah.
Chris (08:29.592)
Hmm.
Matt (08:32.614)
I don't understand the pipe physics and I don't know if he want to go into them, but Luigi gets sucked into the pipe way sooner than Mario, but Mario catches up to Luigi in the pipe and they hold hands for a minute and then for some reason the pipes branch off and Luigi ends up in haunted land, like Luigi Mansion kind of style, the Darklands, if you will.
Luciano (08:49.7)
The Darklands, they call it.
Spencer (08:51.156)
I was really excited when he landed in the Darklands. I was expecting some Luigi Mansion-esque hijinks, and I was pretty disappointed.
Chris (08:51.318)
Yeah.
Luciano (08:58.242)
Yeah, it was a missed opportunity, right? Yeah.
Matt (08:58.719)
Yeah.
Chris (09:00.694)
What the fuck are those anyway? Like, it looks like the most boring movie, watered down, Silent Hill meets Nintendo shit ever. What does Luigi do apart from get a vacuum cleaner?
Matt (09:13.074)
I mean, that's... he did way more in all of the Luigi Mansion movies than he did in this movie. Sorry. The games. Yeah. No, but they did... But they did Luigi dirty in this movie.
Spencer (09:13.661)
You just described it, he gets a vacuum cleaner.
Spencer (09:20.7)
Well yeah, they're full games.
Luciano (09:20.782)
Well, that's not hard. That's not hard. Cause he did nothing in this movie.
Luciano (09:28.25)
They did, yeah.
Chris (09:28.394)
Completely, except for the end.
Spencer (09:30.311)
The best part about Luigi's Mansion games is when Luigi gets scared in the game, very quietly you hear him go, Mario! He calls for Mario and they should have done that in the movie.
Luciano (09:39.537)
haha
Matt (09:40.47)
Hahaha.
Chris (09:41.59)
That's messed up.
Matt (09:43.966)
Listen, do we want to talk about Green Mario anymore? We're just going to move on from him.
Chris (09:48.435)
Oh my god, I can't believe you did that.
Spencer (09:50.276)
You put some respect on the L-hatted man. His hat says L.
Luciano (09:52.913)
We should do what the movie did and move on from Luigi.
Chris (09:53.077)
Listen.
Matt (09:55.742)
Yeah. Okay.
Chris (09:56.202)
No, what we're gonna do is put some respect on the fact that when Chris first played Nintendo at the ripe age of six, he didn't fully understand how to read Luigi's name, so I used to call him Luget.
Spencer (10:10.252)
Hehe
Matt (10:11.319)
All right, Luke, it's good for me. So we got Luke, it's gone from this movie and this conversation for a while. Mario gets funneled down into the Mushroom Kingdom and he runs into Toad.
Chris (10:11.79)
Now you may move on. Yeah, there you go.
Chris (10:17.87)
Thanks for watching!
Chris (10:23.298)
Hmm...
Luciano (10:24.067)
Yes.
Matt (10:25.294)
and he learns anything like the stuff. Yeah, he's whelmed.
Luciano (10:29.104)
stuff.
Spencer (10:30.088)
He learns he's in the Mushroom Kingdom, and he's whelmed. Heh heh heh. You're in an entire universe that's sitting under your city! It's an entire world! Wow.
Chris (10:32.142)
True. Heheheheh.
Luciano (10:33.45)
Yeah, he was well, for sure. That was true.
Luciano (10:42.87)
He goes, no he goes, huh. Yeah.
Matt (10:46.049)
Ha ha
Spencer (10:46.32)
Huh. Huh! It's like another burro!
Matt (10:51.996)
Nice.
Chris (10:52.027)
He was more he was more taken up, okay He was more taken aback by a talking mushroom man than the fact that a world is sitting on top of another world
Luciano (10:52.772)
He is not, he was, he wasn't New York enough to say that.
Spencer (10:56.938)
He wasn't.
Luciano (11:04.114)
True.
Spencer (11:04.448)
I mean, to be fair, I'd be pretty shocked by a talking mushroom, man.
Chris (11:07.438)
Sure.
Luciano (11:08.002)
A mushroom man that speaks English. As does everybody else in this pipe world, but you know. Yeah.
Matt (11:10.891)
Well.
I mean, that's just convenient. Would you prefer they had a universal translator? Would that make you feel better? Okay.
Spencer (11:15.901)
what you think.
Luciano (11:20.713)
Yes.
Chris (11:22.142)
Is it a byproduct of going through the pipe system? The pipeways? The pipe portals? Ooh.
Matt (11:24.523)
Sure.
Luciano (11:25.598)
Okay, that could be the first time he eats a mushroom that's permanent. Yeah.
Spencer (11:31.172)
Oh, there's a scene where he first eats a mushroom and that makes him start to understand them. But until then, they speak fun- Fungies?
Chris (11:34.779)
Mm-hmm. You could have.
Luciano (11:35.032)
Yeah.
Matt (11:35.66)
That's just-
Luciano (11:38.682)
Fungies? Funglish.
Chris (11:38.904)
Haha.
Matt (11:40.386)
I mean, I mean, maybe. Oh my God. No, no, you're better than this.
Chris (11:42.766)
That's not a fun guy. You think you wanna get down and party, but that's not a fun guy.
Spencer (11:45.934)
No, we're not going to puns. It's too early for puns.
Luciano (11:49.408)
We're not?
Chris (11:49.53)
I'm not better than that and you know it.
Matt (11:52.354)
Mmm, you are. So, Toad takes him to the Mushroom Kingdom to meet Princess Peach because, if I got this correct, Mario mentions his brother went off to a bad land and Toad's like, Oh, I know where he went and you need to talk to the princess to... Yeah. You're gonna die. But not that fast. We're just gonna take our time. That is a running theme in this movie. Everything is immediately gonna happen, but we can definitely waste time.
Spencer (12:08.115)
You went to the Badlands.
Chris (12:09.585)
He's gonna die, he's gonna die.
Luciano (12:13.227)
No, no, there's time. Yeah.
Chris (12:15.102)
immediately but he'll be okay.
Matt (12:22.386)
in between anything important happening.
Spencer (12:24.872)
for fun hijinks.
Matt (12:26.498)
for fun hijinks, that's true. So Toad takes them to town and they see a bunch of shit in town. Toad's collecting coins on the side of the street for reasons that they don't cover. Sure, yeah, as good as ours, honestly.
Chris (12:38.146)
banking system.
Chris (12:42.754)
Okay. Mm.
Luciano (12:44.518)
Probably more fair.
Spencer (12:44.797)
Take that, society! Gotcha!
Matt (12:46.314)
Ha ha ha! Long story short, they go through some pipes and up some lifts and all the trappings you would see in a Mario world and he... Did ever... no, they don't do them anymore. Why would you want to see those again? You've seen them. They've been seen.
Chris (12:47.626)
Wall Street?
Spencer (12:54.996)
to never be seen again.
Why would you want to? Yeah.
Luciano (13:01.472)
Yeah. No, I appreciate when Mario goes into the wrong pipe after Toad, and he gets annoyed immediately at the pipe puzzle. I feel like that was a good take that us that Nintendo did, because it is annoying when those happen. So I'm glad that it happened once, and they were like, fuck it, they were just going to do this without the pipes.
Chris (13:06.673)
Mm-hmm.
Chris (13:10.638)
Hmm.
Spencer (13:15.256)
Take that our property
Spencer (13:26.228)
Well, I thought the pipes were gonna have more, more of a role to play. And did he really do a lot of jumping? I feel like there's a whole parkour montage which we're about to get to. But then he doesn't really do it anymore. We'll get there.
Chris (13:31.234)
They were sprinkled. Mario?
Luciano (13:37.351)
Uh, s- not a lot of it, but let's get to it first. Yeah.
Chris (13:40.646)
Not after that. Yeah, one more time towards the end with Donkey Kong, but anyway
Matt (13:40.673)
Yeah.
Matt (13:47.059)
So, takes Toad, gets Mario up to the gate, and then for some reason Toad starts cooking for a couple of other Toads. Mushroom people. Guards.
Luciano (13:53.562)
Most rooms. Yeah.
Spencer (13:53.885)
Let them cook.
Chris (13:54.786)
guards, guards. But they did sprinkle that sass, where it was like, oh, a princess? There's no princess here, no, she's not here. Your princess is at another castle.
Luciano (14:05.818)
Oh man, that was the most telegraphed joke in the history of jokes. Everybody knew it was coming. Okay.
Chris (14:10.534)
I still appreciated it. It tickled. It tickled my heart. I appreciated that.
Matt (14:15.522)
Don't you have any whimsy in your heart?
Spencer (14:17.16)
They paused for the audience laugh. We'll take a pause here because they're going to love it.
Luciano (14:17.881)
I do, but not for this. Yeah.
Matt (14:20.568)
Yeah.
Chris (14:24.15)
But then Toad responded, you know, even in the most appropriate way as well. He's like, they're fucking with you. And I don't like it. And he's like, yeah, verbatim. And he proceeds to cook for them. He's like, so what do you want? And we'll just scramble it up. I'm like, my gosh, that was not what I was expecting. And it provided a suitable distraction for him. Just walk by.
Spencer (14:34.846)
His words. His words.
Luciano (14:36.666)
I wish you had said it like that. Yeah.
Matt (14:38.463)
Yep, that's exactly what you said.
Matt (14:46.3)
No, not at all.
That's the last, that's the last unexpected exciting thing that happened in the movie.
Spencer (14:54.252)
Yeah, the mushrooms were eating other vegetables because they're cannibals?
Chris (14:58.882)
vegan.
Luciano (14:59.753)
Mushrooms aren't vegetables, but okay.
Matt (15:00.41)
No, how are they cannibals if they eat other vegetables? By that logic, you're a cannibal because you eat beef.
Spencer (15:03.688)
Because of the same... species?
Luciano (15:05.002)
Mushrooms? Mushrooms aren't vegetables!
Chris (15:07.958)
But the thing is, is that these, the toad, wait a minute, the toads are mutants. So they're, yo, I can do what I want. Now, how do you know what their word is and isn't?
Spencer (15:09.303)
Aye, you'd be right.
Luciano (15:14.918)
So?
Matt (15:15.478)
Wow, you shouldn't use that word. That's their word.
Spencer (15:18.152)
That's that that's their word. Yeah.
Luciano (15:22.666)
The M word as they say.
Matt (15:24.426)
Yeah. Mm-mm.
Spencer (15:26.204)
Well, it's like I say it's the equivalent a mushroom eating like another vegetable is like a human eating in a monkey
Chris (15:26.434)
Just move along, just move it along.
Luciano (15:33.174)
No, it's absolutely not. There are fucking different kingdoms altogether.
Matt (15:34.035)
What? Can somebody give me a beastie fact? Because we gotta get out of here.
Spencer (15:35.216)
It's like same species. Beastie Boys first hip hop single is basically a prank call set to music. Did you know that?
Luciano (15:42.77)
Ha ha!
Matt (15:44.81)
Perfect. I did not know that. Thank you. That was very informative. And it allows me to segue into Mario actually meeting the princess. And it turns out the princess is a human, which we all knew, but they bought...
Luciano (15:46.064)
Bye.
Luciano (15:51.144)
Hahaha!
Chris (15:56.942)
Judo flip!
Spencer (15:58.035)
and she definitely has a personality.
Matt (16:00.022)
She does. Oh yeah, it's definitely of a human woman or white human woman, but we're not gonna touch that too far. Can you prove I'm wrong? Mm-hmm.
Chris (16:01.464)
Mmmm
Luciano (16:05.92)
Wow.
Luciano (16:10.322)
I didn't say that, I just said wow.
Spencer (16:10.536)
Hey, those are facts. Those are facts.
Chris (16:12.942)
At least she didn't open with- I baked a cake. Please come meet me at the castle. Princess Peach.
Luciano (16:18.446)
Hey, I appreciate that they didn't make her just a damsel in distress in this. That was a good choice.
Spencer (16:21.097)
Ha ha.
Chris (16:24.034)
Well hell yeah. Nope.
Spencer (16:25.)
Can't do that.
Luciano (16:27.49)
I shouldn't do that. Is that just about-
Matt (16:27.69)
Well, we can use every other trope for women, but not that specific one. That's, that one's done. Um, so the princess is like, oh, we got to go and we find out that Bowser's coming to murder everybody and they need, they don't have an army in the mushroom kingdom.
Spencer (16:31.656)
That one's done.
Spencer (16:41.832)
I don't know if he said he was gonna murder them, but that's fair.
Luciano (16:44.973)
I mean...
Matt (16:44.982)
I'm sorry, I didn't know I was going through this movie scene by scene and word by word. I'm not allowed to paraphrase anything.
Chris (16:45.262)
There was a lot of murder, murderous intent after.
Luciano (16:47.743)
Yeah, that was...
Spencer (16:52.18)
Hehehehehehe
I'll allow it.
Matt (16:56.554)
Thank you. And so the princess has to go off and convince the Kong dynasty that they need to bring their armies over and defend them.
Spencer (17:06.297)
Kong Dynasty. Strangely, the actor who played Kong in the Kong Dynasty has been replaced. Well, we are not going to talk about it. Moving on. Hey, I read that fact too.
Luciano (17:06.519)
I'm pretty sure that's what they're called in the movie
Matt (17:08.485)
and...
Luciano (17:13.398)
Hahaha!
Matt (17:17.915)
We can't.
Chris (17:18.114)
So the Beastie Boys originally wasn't just a name, it was an acronym. Boys, entertaining, anarchistics. Anarchistic states towards inner excellence.
Spencer (17:27.185)
See, I didn't read that one because it's too long.
Luciano (17:30.615)
It is long.
Chris (17:30.698)
Well, your commentary on my comments is too long. Well, there's plenty of pie of this pizza to go around. Slice, slice.
Matt (17:31.986)
It was a great beastie fact. Ha ha ha.
Spencer (17:32.826)
You leave the beastie facts to me, bud. I'm the beastie expert.
Luciano (17:35.84)
I'm sorry.
Matt (17:40.182)
Great job. This whole level is a segue to the part where, in order for Mario to join the princess, he needs to complete an obstacle course. Time is of the essence, as we know. And this is where we first learn about the powers of the Mushroom King, which is actually, you know, a pretty good way to show, you know, that mushrooms make people grow and shrink and all that jazz.
Luciano (17:54.444)
Yeah.
And this is also the scene where we realize that the person who was responsible for picking the music in this is a genius because they put it to Bonnie Tyler's, I Need a Hero, which is, there's no better choice for that particular sequence ever. I was sold in when I heard that.
Matt (18:05.538)
Hmm.
Spencer (18:16.334)
I do like that song and I liked its usage. I will allow it.
Luciano (18:19.49)
Yeah. Thank you, I guess. Ha ha ha.
Spencer (18:22.948)
You're welcome. Yeah, that was a I mean, the whole powers thing is a whole road we could go down. Obviously, it's a trope in the game that they have to use, but but.
Luciano (18:29.39)
it. Yeah. But I like that he wasn't instantly like amazing at it. He had to kind of practice a little bit and learn. I like that. True. But at least it's not like, oh, I've got this. And you know,
Matt (18:33.162)
Right. But what?
Matt (18:41.106)
Mmm, you should have had to practice a lot more, but...
Matt (18:48.002)
But we wasted at least a day of precious time watching Mario fail.
Luciano (18:52.815)
Well, it's okay.
Spencer (18:53.056)
Shouldn't we have just shown, would it have worked better if we just showed he likes parkour in the real world? It's like, it's a preset skill.
Chris (18:59.062)
technically when he was going to the first rich condo. Yeah. No sleep till Brooklyn.
Matt (18:59.434)
We did show that. They did show that, yeah. Yeah, their car broke down or van broken, so they parkoured their way across.
Spencer (19:06.258)
Oh, right.
Spencer (19:10.688)
Ha ha ha!
Luciano (19:11.392)
Yeah. That's when they started doing Luigi dirty, because Mario is going ham on jumping around. And not only Luigi is always carrying the tools, but he has to kind of follow without being able to do. Yeah.
Matt (19:22.718)
Yeah. Yeah, like the tools are so heavy that Mario had to pull down a ladder for him to climb up anything, et cetera. OK, that's fine. Here's a new one.
Chris (19:22.862)
Mm-hmm.
Luciano (19:29.136)
Yeah.
Chris (19:29.686)
Mario doesn't even have a tool belt. Like...
Luciano (19:31.626)
No, all the tools are being carried by exactly.
Spencer (19:32.633)
Mario is a tool.
Chris (19:35.45)
Mario has a mule is what he has. Poor Luget. Tool Mule Luget.
Luciano (19:37.656)
Yeah, he does.
Matt (19:38.162)
Yeah. Luke at the tool wheel.
Spencer (19:38.896)
Atomio?
Luciano (19:40.855)
Look it!
Chris (19:45.698)
Damn it.
Luciano (19:46.491)
Oh my god.
Matt (19:49.921)
Now it's fine, it won't come up again. So Mario fails and fails and fails, but the Princess appreciates that his skill, his one skill is that he can get the shit beat out of him and fail a billion times and keep on getting up.
Spencer (20:04.236)
I think she also appreciates the fact that he's the first human she's interacted with. And therefore...
Luciano (20:10.534)
Yeah.
Matt (20:10.985)
And yeah.
Chris (20:11.95)
She appreciated it so much she fell asleep.
Spencer (20:14.012)
She's like, that's a another human being. This is nice. I don't have to bang toads anymore. I don't know why that happened. They're all so short and stocky. Oh God.
Luciano (20:14.477)
Yeah.
Matt (20:14.544)
Mm-hmm.
Chris (20:17.346)
Fucking it up.
Matt (20:18.89)
fucking it up.
Luciano (20:22.278)
Jesus Christ
Matt (20:23.393)
Wow! Oh my god!
Chris (20:26.198)
oooo
Matt (20:31.522)
Can I get a beastie fact? Cause what the fuck?
Luciano (20:31.605)
I am a-
Chris (20:36.302)
According to the band, Tidified Boros is not their best album. Hello Nasty is what they regard as their best album. Well, yeah, Intergalactic. God dang.
Spencer (20:42.781)
And I agree.
Matt (20:48.342)
Great. Nope.
Spencer (20:48.872)
Speaking of mushroom penis... Sorry, you go ahead Matt.
Luciano (20:50.998)
Yeah, yeah.
Chris (20:54.102)
Yeah, put some spice on.
Matt (20:56.694)
So I'm just gonna speed us along to the Kong dynasty where they talk to Cranky Kong and somehow gaslight him into believing the only way to solve this problem is to have Mario fight his son in the Kong arena. Winner, if he wins, and this is one of the things I have to ask you guys about, what is winning? Because doesn't Kong win like at least?
Spencer (21:01.289)
Yes.
Luciano (21:05.606)
Hahaha!
Chris (21:11.778)
DK
Luciano (21:20.87)
five times? Yeah, yeah. I that's the thing. Yeah, I think it has to be a knockout win.
Chris (21:24.106)
Well, I guess Mario kept getting back up. And I guess if he stayed down, that would have been it.
Spencer (21:28.9)
No, no, the fight ends when I win, that's the rules.
Matt (21:31.05)
So that's, it's again, Cranky Kong's fault for not establishing real terms to the duel.
Luciano (21:36.322)
Yeah, there was like that whole part was very sort of like hand wavy in the sense of like you know if you don't help us they're gonna attack you and it goes okay then if you can win if you can beat the shit out of my son then I'll give then I yeah maybe
Chris (21:36.822)
Hmmm
Spencer (21:51.64)
I think he just doesn't like his son. He offers that to every person that comes in with anything. Well, if you can beat my shit son and fuck him up, maybe I'll trade with you.
Matt (21:58.349)
I'm sorry.
Luciano (22:01.348)
Maybe that's what it is.
Chris (22:01.442)
But that's the thing.
But that's the thing, DK is, he's got super, he's got super, almost super human level strength. Like he's like a, a little.
Luciano (22:04.518)
Yeah.
Luciano (22:08.732)
What?
Spencer (22:12.296)
Yeah, he's been fighting every fucking time, every- Hehehe
Matt (22:13.045)
Yeah
Luciano (22:14.039)
He's a gorilla, that's why he has superhuman strength. Hahaha. Yeah.
Chris (22:16.014)
He's a gorilla, right? So, right, super gorilla strength or whatever. So like it's an impossible feat for any challenger. And I think that's probably why Cranky doesn't set rules because the expectation is no one is gonna win.
Matt (22:17.168)
That really helps to have superhuman strength.
That's right, yeah.
Spencer (22:33.332)
That's also why Cranky leaves powers lying around. Help his po- help the opponents.
Luciano (22:33.934)
Not only, I was gonna say, yeah, not only does he put people up to fight, he's saying, he's like, no, you need some help. So I'm going to give it to you by, I don't know, giving you fire to step light my son up or whatever. Yeah.
Matt (22:46.558)
Who knows? It's a dumb plan. We may come back to this at some point in the future. Spoilers. But let's move on. So Mario wins through various means and they now have the Kong Army, the Kong Dynasty Army on their side.
Spencer (22:46.688)
I'm out.
Luciano (22:52.815)
OOF
Luciano (23:03.31)
Which is just a chapter of the Hells Angels, turns out. Yeah.
Matt (23:07.322)
Essentially. Um, and then they basically, if I remember the movie correct, oh, we skipped all the Bowser, Peaches nonsense. Bowser wants to marry Peaches because she's a girl, I guess.
Spencer (23:14.597)
It's fine.
Bowser? Yeah, yeah.
Luciano (23:19.182)
That... it is a pretty interesting like twist. Like as you think he's just gonna be completely evil and he's like, no, I just love her, she's so cute. I wanna marry her. And if she doesn't marry me, then I'll destroy her whole kingdom. Which is like, but at least it's not just destruction. It does. It really does.
Matt (23:24.288)
What is?
Spencer (23:34.323)
Sounds like a Reddit user.
Matt (23:37.026)
I'm just. Yeah, tell us more in self Spencer.
Luciano (23:41.731)
HAHAHAHA
Spencer (23:41.98)
Yeah, this is why you gotta teach women early these days. When you show them power, when you show them the power.
Luciano (23:45.338)
Oh my god, why would you bring him out of the white van? Why did you bring him out of the white van?
Matt (23:46.282)
Jesus. Can I get a beast, beastie fact me real quick.
Chris (23:53.486)
There's a reason why you haven't heard Beastie Boys music anymore since 2012 and it's because Adam Yauk passed away.
Spencer (24:01.864)
That's not a fun fact. Fuck you. No, no, that was so bad. I'm going back with women. You got to show me the alpha.
Matt (24:02.034)
What the fuck? That's not a fact! That's the... That's the worst!
Luciano (24:03.567)
What the fuck?
Chris (24:05.03)
It derailed you! It worked! It worked, you bastards! No, no, oh my god! It will be a tough... It will be tough for Crate Diggers to find original albums that went into the hot sauce... This is not my fault! I'm the only motherfucker trying! Put some goddamn elbow grease! No, don't you sit there with your little headphones, letting Spencer derail this shit into this misogynistic bullshit! Do you see?! Help me out, motherfucker! You keep sitting... No, this is not my fault!
Luciano (24:10.431)
Oh my lord.
Matt (24:10.623)
I need another.
Right, right, right.
Luciano (24:17.138)
Did you see what you did, Chris?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Spencer (24:27.438)
Andrew Tate is a god!
Matt (24:29.473)
Hehe
Luciano (24:29.818)
Oh, see? This is what you're doing, Chris. This is you. This is on you.
Chris (24:34.678)
This madness is descending because you failed to team up and form like Voltron.
Matt (24:34.87)
Chris?
Luciano (24:39.205)
No.
Matt (24:39.398)
You stole Spencer's Beastie Facts and he had to revert to Incell Spencer. Incell Spencer doesn't see it that way.
Luciano (24:42.383)
And...
Spencer (24:42.528)
Mm-hmm.
Chris (24:42.654)
It could have been, it was collaborator. It was collaborative.
Spencer (24:46.936)
I for one thing women have too many rights. Hehe
Luciano (24:49.674)
Oh my God, Jesus Christ.
Chris (24:49.878)
God damn it, Spencer. Listen to the sound of my voice. Listen to, focus on the light of the beastie. Hello, nasty. Sabotage.
Matt (24:52.241)
I'm sorry.
Luciano (24:58.358)
So we watched Super Mario Brothers, the movie or whatever the fuck this is called. Right, Matt? Is that this what we're talking about?
Spencer (25:02.865)
Uhhh... Sorry... Gahhh...
Matt (25:05.038)
Yeah. That is what we're talking about. So we skipped a bunch of Bowser stuff. Basically Bowser wants to marry Princess because of reasons and if he doesn't he gets to destroy the world. And he has a star he stole from a bunch of dumb penguins that thought they could beat him up.
Spencer (25:07.764)
Sorry, I blacked out for a second. I'm back.
Luciano (25:09.478)
Hahaha
Chris (25:10.958)
Mmm.
Chris (25:16.782)
Peach!
Chris (25:22.592)
Oh, you're here.
Luciano (25:25.346)
Hahaha.
Matt (25:25.578)
I do not. So they die. Well, they don't die. There's no murderous, but they he levels their ice castle with one breath of his breath weapon, which he has and Dragon breath I guess. Yeah It's don't worry about it. It's fine. It's not important
Chris (25:28.91)
Good.
Chris (25:34.286)
turtle.
Spencer (25:35.284)
Dragon Breath?
Chris (25:36.642)
Trigonal Dragon.
Luciano (25:37.754)
He's a turtle that spits fire, so I don't know where he sits in the... Yeah.
Chris (25:42.146)
Reptilian Mortal Kombat.
Matt (25:44.186)
So he captures Luigi and they find out that Mario is with the princess through spies or whatever. It's not important. And then the princess is going to use their secret passage to get back to the Russian kingdom before Bowser gets there. But Bowser knows all about their secret passage. Cue Mad Max Fury Road with Mario Kart. And we learned that you remember all those times you launched a blue shell at your friends in Mario?
Luciano (25:46.094)
Do do
Chris (26:11.874)
Mm.
Matt (26:13.894)
You murdered a Koopa every single time.
Luciano (26:14.144)
Yeah, you were murdering Koopa, yes. To be fair, to be fair, to be fair, if you played any Mario game, you were murdering Koopa's left and right and not caring about it either.
Spencer (26:19.802)
and I'd do it again.
Spencer (26:28.264)
Yeah, Koopa, Koopa's lives.
Luciano (26:30.866)
Alright, yeah.
Matt (26:32.262)
In my defense, the shelves came empty. I didn't ask no questions. I didn't get told no lies.
Luciano (26:36.05)
Is this like an allegory for turtle soup? Is this what it is? Okay.
Spencer (26:36.484)
Hehehehehehe
Matt (26:42.194)
I guess shark fin soup, who knows. So the blue shell destroys the rainbow road. Everybody who is not the princess, Mario or Donkey Kong, gets captured and ends up on Bowser's floating castle. Donkey Kong and Mario drown and then survive, not important. Princess somehow flies away. They de-drown with the bomb, it's fine.
Luciano (26:56.274)
Doesn't get through. Yeah.
Luciano (27:05.49)
Hahaha!
Spencer (27:07.456)
Then they then they D drown they undrown themselves
Luciano (27:10.258)
They undrowned, yeah.
Matt (27:13.107)
And then the princess escapes and goes back to the Mushroom Kingdom. I'm missing something here. Tell everybody to run away and then she gets captured or sneaks on to Bowser's castle.
Luciano (27:19.442)
To tell everybody to run away? Yeah.
Luciano (27:26.546)
No, she... did you watch this movie? HAHAHA
Matt (27:29.534)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't memorize it! Fucking plot for plot.
Spencer (27:29.536)
I-I-I-
Luciano (27:32.946)
No, they...
Spencer (27:32.988)
It's weird because Matt keeps saying different things and I keep remembering what he's saying, even though they're different stories.
Luciano (27:36.978)
They, they all run away and then Bowser's floating dungeon comes on and she goes face him. Well, yeah.
Matt (27:46.026)
That's right, I forgot what the Floating Dungeon is important because the best character in the movie is in the Floating Dungeon.
Luciano (27:50.642)
Yes, he is. Lumily.
Matt (27:52.638)
Lumine is a suicidal ghost star, nihilistic, that's fair, nihilistic ghost star that explains the prison to everybody who's in it. Amazingly. Life. Excellent work.
Chris (27:53.218)
Gilbert Godfrey.
Luciano (27:56.626)
Well, nihilistic. Nihilistic. Yeah. Amazing.
Yeah. Fresh meat for the grinder! Hahahaha!
Spencer (28:05.316)
Not just the prison, explains the universe. That whole character just feels like someone snuck into the office and just doctored the script. Seems like so out of left field and it's fantastic.
Luciano (28:19.122)
Yeah.
I love it.
Spencer (28:25.152)
It's like if Luciano was in that movie, he'd be that star.
Luciano (28:27.73)
That star is my spirit animal for sure.
Matt (28:28.994)
That's him. Yeah. So... So Bowser arrives in this line castle and proposes to Peach, and Peach is like... Reluctantly accepts the offer, let's say. And... Only because of torture, which is cool. You know, the thing...
Chris (28:33.218)
Can you say that? Anyways.
Luciano (28:42.29)
Eesh. Um... Just co- Coerced into the- Yeah.
Spencer (28:46.58)
That's like when my wife accepted my proposal. Oh, it's just so beautiful.
Luciano (28:50.738)
Oh my lord, was it in Sal Spencer that I proposed? Is that what happened?
Chris (28:53.142)
But Bowser... Bowser asked nicely. Like, he's like, he's like, she's like, if you're gonna attack.
Matt (29:00.414)
I'm sorry, are you a Bowser apologist right now? He asked nicely. Wha- Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Luciano (29:02.962)
Yes.
Spencer (29:03.133)
Yeah.
Chris (29:04.478)
If that's what it takes, yeah, wait, wait for it. Wait for it. He shows up on the doorstep with the power star. He hasn't destroyed anything yet. And he's like, and he had a speech, motherfucker has been practicing, made a song for her. She doesn't know it. And he one shot, hail married it with no, no pregame whatsoever. Just like, just put the turkey in the oven, no seasonings, no, no stuff in no orange, nothing. And
Spencer (29:06.32)
Intel Chris.
Matt (29:20.258)
Okay.
Matt (29:29.474)
Mm-hmm. OK.
Chris (29:34.37)
flat out proposed. Like he asked.
Matt (29:35.71)
Okay, so he had the decency, let's see, let's work through this. He had the decency to ask for permission to marry her. She says no, and then he pulls an incel Spencer and tortures her friend to make her say yes. Okay, I guess. Ha ha ha.
Luciano (29:35.922)
Okay? And then she said no.
Luciano (29:42.866)
Yeah, right.
Chris (29:43.182)
Correct, correct, correct. That's right.
Chris (29:52.426)
That's true. That's what happened. It did happen. Yeah. I just wanna, I just, you know, you know, you gotta keep the pimp hands strong. It's just, it's just.
Luciano (29:53.682)
Yeah.
Spencer (29:55.38)
Some of those bitches gotta learn.
Luciano (29:58.002)
Jesus Christ.
Spencer (30:02.631)
This is a character. This is a character.
Matt (30:04.276)
Mm.
Luciano (30:04.818)
Oh, apparently we have InSale Chris as well here joining us.
Spencer (30:08.152)
Yeah, I consult Chris. But you're not. Yeah, I like Chris's analogy where he's like, he came up to her with a like, basically the equivalent of like a nuke and nicely asked, like, can you imagine like a guy comes to the door holding a hand grenade? Would you go out with me, please? And Chris is like, that's nice. Tick tick.
Matt (30:08.318)
Yeah, wow.
Chris (30:10.282)
When the money needs to come in!
Matt (30:12.098)
No, you know what? One incel anybody is way too many. It's one too many.
Luciano (30:14.002)
It's one too many, it's one too many, yeah. Ha ha ha ha.
Matt (30:22.689)
Yeah
Luciano (30:26.482)
No, yeah, what he did was... No, it's worse that he goes like, well, if you go out with me, I don't have to let go of this grenade, right? So you'll go out with me. Yeah.
Matt (30:29.067)
Yeah
Chris (30:32.318)
and pulls the pin.
Spencer (30:37.6)
I don't know. Nobody has to get hurt. I get this pin can go right back in. Yeah.
Chris (30:42.65)
I can always put this back in. It can, but I'm just gonna put it over here. And then in my other hand, this will be here. And let's have a conversation.
Luciano (30:44.658)
Yeah.
Matt (30:49.623)
What we're saying here is that a movie that is nice and fun is deeply problematic when it comes to its one female character. Extremely. That being said, I'll continue this in the movie like nothing's happening.
Spencer (30:56.496)
Hehehehehehe
Luciano (30:56.722)
Yeah, yes, yes.
Spencer (31:00.468)
But yeah, also you gotta, you know, that's the source material.
Matt (31:05.294)
Yeah, that's fair. Thanks. Are you being in suspense right now? I can't tell.
Luciano (31:05.33)
Oh my lord.
Spencer (31:09.644)
No, it is the source material in every Mario game. He kidnaps her and tries to force her into I assume a relationship
Chris (31:11.704)
Jack? Mm.
Matt (31:16.858)
I assume they got better. I don't haven't played some of the newer ones. I assume they're not so
Luciano (31:20.146)
Yeah.
Chris (31:20.214)
By better, when you say they got better, do you mean the relationship between Bowser and Peach?
Luciano (31:22.994)
The mo- the games. No, the games, the games! Hehehehehehe
Matt (31:25.412)
The games.
Spencer (31:25.696)
They worked it out, Chris. They went to therapy. They figured it out, okay?
Chris (31:28.768)
Think about it. They did figure it out, sexually.
Spencer (31:34.291)
Nope.
Matt (31:34.899)
No, they absolutely did not.
Luciano (31:35.09)
N-why? Why?
Chris (31:35.754)
Yeah, they did. They did.
Spencer (31:38.615)
I'm gonna have to start making up Beastie Boy facts. You know that they drank a banana milkshake every morning?
Luciano (31:40.626)
Hahaha!
Chris (31:41.321)
Oh, you can try, because I have a real fact.
Luciano (31:45.266)
Hahaha!
Matt (31:45.36)
Hahahaha
Chris (31:45.634)
That's interesting. Jack Black was in a commercial for Pitfall for Atari when he was 13 years old.
Spencer (31:52.788)
What does that have to do with the Beastie Boys? You are fired! You're fired from the Beastie Network.
Matt (31:53.098)
That isn't about Beastie Boys at all.
Luciano (31:54.834)
or at all.
Chris (31:54.926)
It's you. I am. No, I am not. I wanted to make sure that you still had your chosen lane. You wanted to be C-Boys Facts? No problem. I came with the Jack Black facts. Jack.
Luciano (32:02.77)
Huh?
Matt (32:05.823)
There's too many facts I'm trying to do a podcast about Super Mario Brothers.
Luciano (32:07.602)
Yeah.
Spencer (32:10.588)
This is a Super Mario Brothers Facts Podcast.
Chris (32:13.175)
That's right.
Matt (32:13.198)
All I was saying is that maybe we couldn't have gone down the road of, I'm threatening this woman to marry me, and if she doesn't, I'm going to explode the universe. But here we are with this movie, and we had to go down this road. Anyway, so once he tortures the shit out of the toad, then the princess basically accepts, kind of forcefully, the scenario. Mario and Donkey Kong have escaped, which is great.
Chris (32:21.015)
Hmm.
Chris (32:28.206)
Mmm.
Chris (32:32.462)
Hmm.
Luciano (32:38.194)
having been undrowned.
Matt (32:39.894)
They've been underground, which is super, and they're trying to get up there to get to the wedding. But it turns out the wedding was a ruse by Peach to turn Bowser tiny. And so he gets shrunk down to a little wee. I don't understand the properties.
Luciano (32:51.794)
That's at the very end. It's like you skipped like three scenes, very big scenes.
Matt (32:56.502)
Who cares? Well, I gotta hurry up here. We're like a half hour in and we're spending so much time on fuckin' Beastie Boy facts and Jack Back facts. We gotta speed this up. So he gets really tiny, I don't understand. Sure, great, whatever, blah blah. He got shrunk and I don't understand.
Spencer (32:57.636)
it's fine we gotta move on
Luciano (33:01.426)
Alright.
Luciano (33:07.57)
Yeah. She wanted to freeze him first.
Luciano (33:15.282)
Yeah, you narrated the whole movie. The climax. Fuck the climax. Just keep it. Who needs the ending of the movie?
Matt (33:21.886)
It's fine. Okay. Sorry. They escape. They run to the portal to Brooklyn. They jam a bunch of shit through Brooklyn. Bowser shows up, he's gonna use the star. Mary Luigy steals it. Peach shrinks Bowser. They all go back to Mushroom Kingdom and Mario and Luigi are not gonna plum in the Mushroom Kingdom. They're out of Brooklyn. They're gone. Anything else? Was that fast enough for you?
Spencer (33:22.033)
So this is the soundboard.
Luciano (33:41.266)
Brooklyn anymore.
Yeah, straight out of Brooklyn. Yeah. Sure.
Spencer (33:48.476)
Is plum a word like that? They're not gonna plum anymore?
Luciano (33:51.09)
Plum.
I think it is.
Chris (33:53.774)
They plumb the pipes of much of the kingdoms.
Matt (33:53.834)
Well, they are, no, they are plumbing. Yeah.
Luciano (33:57.298)
No, he's asking, I think Spencer is asking if to plum is a verb. I think, I think it is.
Spencer (33:59.572)
grammatically. To plum is a verb. That was my question.
Chris (34:02.046)
I believe so. You can plumb the depths of caverns.
Matt (34:02.625)
Yes.
Luciano (34:07.09)
Oh God, that was... Oh, jeez.
Spencer (34:07.092)
Can you plum a butthole?
Matt (34:09.794)
Mmm, Spencer?
Chris (34:10.134)
You could. I bet you could.
Spencer (34:11.6)
Sorry. Yes.
Luciano (34:13.97)
I think they call that laying down pipe.
Chris (34:16.994)
Mario's nemesis was actually supposed to be an ox.
Luciano (34:21.906)
the fuck? well at least it's mario facts now yeah
Chris (34:23.25)
It's true. Yeah. Alakazam the Great.
Matt (34:25.962)
I guess that's relevant.
Luciano (34:30.13)
Mario used to be a carpenter.
Matt (34:30.518)
Technically, plumbing is measuring the depth of a body of water. So I'm not wrong. And we're going to move on from that. Nope. And nope. Nope to all three of you.
Spencer (34:35.496)
Like, say measuring the depth of a body. Am I right?
Luciano (34:38.226)
Ayyy
Chris (34:39.586)
Body cavern.
Spencer (34:42.068)
Hehe
Chris (34:42.446)
Hehehe
Spencer (34:45.731)
Yeah, okay, we're done.
Matt (34:48.602)
Anything I missed, anything you wanted to cover about the movie.
Chris (34:51.163)
Mmm.
Matt (34:55.637)
at all.
Spencer (34:56.511)
Um...
Luciano (34:56.593)
Uh, in terms of like what happened, I think you did a pretty decent job until the very end where you just Kind of told it to fuck off and spread up, but okay No, yeah No, it's fine. Yeah
Spencer (35:03.344)
Yeah, he skipped the final battle, it's fine.
Matt (35:07.756)
Uh, you want to cover it?
Spencer (35:08.784)
No, we do not. He did a perfect job.
Matt (35:10.662)
Well then why you meant I skipped it? Okay.
Chris (35:11.05)
It was fun. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. I got, I got, I got chills and it made me very happy.
Luciano (35:17.938)
I so I'll say this and then maybe you can go from there but like I saw the ratings for this movie and the audience loved it but the critics hated it and I'm not sure why.
Matt (35:18.315)
Great.
Spencer (35:19.2)
Was that positivity?
Chris (35:21.07)
times.
Chris (35:25.634)
Did you? Did they? I didn't know that they hated it.
Matt (35:30.666)
Cause critics are anal about things sometimes. Like-
Spencer (35:33.92)
Because when you make a movie...
Luciano (35:34.002)
What did they expect? Like a new, like English patient out of a Mario movie? Is that what they wanted?
Spencer (35:38.164)
No, I mean critics are gonna, there's no way, this movie is just so by the numbers and safe. You can't give it a good review, but it's not a bad movie. It's just a by the numbers.
Luciano (35:44.594)
it i don't know like what are critics there for like it's they're supposed to say is this a fun movie a good movie like a movie doesn't have to have uh yeah but it doesn't have to
Chris (35:47.871)
I don't know.
Chris (35:53.967)
It stinks!
Matt (35:56.01)
Well, I mean, I didn't, I'm gonna say this. We may need to have a whole separate podcast about what are critics there for, because that is right. Like I don't know and yes, everything, no, nothing. Who knows? But if you're just asking, was this movie a good time or not, we're not gonna answer that because that's the end of the podcast, spoilers.
Spencer (35:56.733)
It stinks!
Luciano (36:05.234)
True.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Luciano (36:17.554)
That's at the end, you're right. You are correct.
Spencer (36:18.76)
You gotta stick around.
Matt (36:20.498)
You know, stick around for that sweet knowledge. But in general, I think critics just feel a need to do their job sometimes, right? In a way that you don't care. Yeah, there are buzzkills.
Luciano (36:28.562)
Makes them sound like assholes is what you're saying.
Chris (36:30.13)
Buzz Kills.
Spencer (36:32.278)
weren't the reviews like kinda like, yeah it's a fun movie but it's not gonna blow your socks off
Luciano (36:36.498)
I saw some really bad ones.
Matt (36:36.586)
What's the, what's the, the Rotten Tomatoes score?
Chris (36:37.035)
I think they're f-
Spencer (36:39.204)
I bet you the Rotten Tomatoes is at least 74. Really?
Matt (36:44.074)
for the critics, eh? Yeah. Let's table this conversation. Let's table the conversation, find the score, you know. I'll table it to the end, where we can give our ratings and we can unpack it slightly before we're out.
Chris (36:44.907)
It's 50... Fuck them. That's... Wow.
Spencer (36:45.404)
That's unfairly low. I would agree, I would say that's low.
Luciano (36:46.834)
I know that's my point. I'll tell you in a second, but.
Luciano (36:56.21)
Oh, 59 critic score, 95% audience score. So.
Spencer (37:01.104)
Oh, we'll fix it. You know, we're going to write this wrong at the end of the show.
Matt (37:01.594)
Yeah. Not great.
Chris (37:03.554)
That makes sense.
Luciano (37:06.61)
Okay.
Matt (37:06.902)
We'll fix it later. So let's dive into the only plot hole we found and it was hard to find them because there's no plot as you could tell through my storytelling. It's paint by numbers, it's very simplistic and easy and probably should have done a little bit more homework to make it a little more interesting in spots or maybe didn't trade on really misogynistic tropes but here we are. The one we want to unpack a bit more is the Kong dynasty. Cranky's plan of I'm not going to join you unless you beat my son.
Luciano (37:12.754)
Hahaha.
Matt (37:37.29)
What was that? Did he just want them to do something? Was that valuable to him? Getting his son, getting the shit beat out of his son?
Luciano (37:38.77)
Right. I don't.
I don't understand why he felt himself convinced by Peach's argument even, before even his OK, you have to do this to get my army. Because she says he's coming to the Mushroom Kingdom and we need your help because we don't have an army. And he goes, nope. And then she says, oh, if he gets if he destroys the Mushroom Kingdom, he's coming to the Jungle Kingdom later. And he says, oh, OK, then if you can beat my son, you get my army.
Oh, he's coming for me and you want me to lend you my only army? And why did you bring into this table? Nothing. Right. So like why. Hmm.
Spencer (38:20.308)
Well, I have a theory to answer your. Well, one, there could be civilians in the jungle and maybe he would rather take the battle to another land to avoid casualties, the casualties of war. And, but also he wanted to know if they're worth fighting alongside. Therefore, if they could beat his son, it shows that they're worthy opponents worthy enough to fight along.
Matt (38:22.98)
Mm-hmm.
Luciano (38:31.186)
To another place? Hmm.
Matt (38:34.018)
Okay. Right.
Luciano (38:36.178)
I don't.
Spencer (38:50.128)
with if they can beat his son.
Matt (38:50.218)
Two. So two people were worthy, just the two of them.
Spencer (38:54.204)
If two PBR. Assuming these, yeah, but maybe they, maybe he assumed that, you know, that they were, the army that they would have would be a like to their, maybe he didn't know that they were an army of mushrooms that couldn't do anything.
Luciano (38:54.45)
One person really, because only one person fights.
Chris (38:56.446)
only one champion, but only one champion. It's one on one.
Luciano (39:12.402)
No, she says they don't have an army.
Matt (39:15.17)
I feel like it's not like these are new kingdoms. They all know each other. He knows they're all mushrooms.
Luciano (39:19.25)
Yeah.
Spencer (39:21.796)
Yeah, maybe they, maybe he thinks mushrooms can...
Luciano (39:22.194)
Maybe, maybe Cranky is just senile.
Spencer (39:26.852)
You know what? We're taking this seriously, man. That's a cop-out.
Luciano (39:27.442)
Too old.
Matt (39:29.654)
Can I, no, you can't answer like that. That's not the point of this podcast. I do have a secondary question though. Do you think that the scenario by which he gives everybody carts, including all of his army, makes sense? It feels like it saps all the power his Kong army has over anybody else when they're all driving around in cars.
Luciano (39:32.402)
Why not?
Spencer (39:55.504)
Well, they weren't gonna fight with their cars. That was just a travel.
Chris (39:55.694)
how there was
Matt (39:59.849)
Have you not played Mario Kart before?
Chris (40:00.33)
Yeah.
Luciano (40:01.33)
Yeah, all of the cars have like guns and shit.
Spencer (40:06.096)
Yeah, that's just for the treacherous journey ahead. Yeah, turned out like they needed it. Maybe he's a genius. Maybe he's not senile and he's in fact a tactical mastermind.
Matt (40:06.143)
Yeah.
Luciano (40:09.074)
Rainbow Road, the treacherous Rainbow Road.
Matt (40:09.673)
I
Luciano (40:14.706)
Fair.
Chris (40:14.881)
Yeah.
Matt (40:17.026)
So why wouldn't, why wouldn't, that's fair, but why wouldn't the Kong Dynasty just build carts for all the mushrooms and then they could defend themselves?
Luciano (40:19.186)
No, we don't do that here. That's too serious.
Spencer (40:25.248)
Do you have any idea the logistics of building an entire fleet? Yeah, no, that came off wrong. I meant that as a real question. Do you know the logistics? Oh, okay.
Chris (40:25.474)
that might have happened.
Matt (40:29.834)
They look pretty fucking easy.
Luciano (40:31.218)
Yeah, I did. They even, they could even...
Luciano (40:37.234)
I'm out.
Matt (40:37.584)
Very simple.
Chris (40:38.934)
It looks like they made three vehicles for Toad, Princess, and Mario.
Luciano (40:39.826)
They could even use like a, they had like a custom build thing where they were like, I want this and I want that and Peach got a bike instead of a car.
Chris (40:45.858)
Sure.
Chris (40:49.138)
Yes, yes, the dynasty didn't need did the dynasty probably already had a cache of vehicles enough vehicles ready to go. They just made three for these new visitors. There was no there wasn't enough time. There was there was no way they could get enough vehicles ready for the Mushroom Kingdom.
Spencer (40:59.828)
Maybe they only.
Luciano (41:05.138)
Maybe the Kong dynasty's fighting style is mounted combat and by mounted I mean on cars.
Spencer (41:06.717)
Maybe they said...
Chris (41:14.586)
And by combat, I mean Tokyo Drift.
Luciano (41:18.578)
I mean, yeah, that's a kind of combat.
Spencer (41:18.824)
Maybe they only made cars for people with opposable thumbs.
Matt (41:19.19)
Okay.
Matt (41:25.026)
I mean that's fair. Do toads have hands? Fingies? Yes?
Luciano (41:29.138)
Apparently. Toads or mushrooms? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Chris (41:30.574)
mutant toads.
Spencer (41:31.424)
Do they have a... Well, we actually know that Toad can drive. He drives in the games.
Matt (41:37.894)
Oh shit, and he drove right here, so they obviously can. That's fair. So...
Chris (41:38.654)
Yeah. He has. He's got four fingers, one thumb.
Luciano (41:40.498)
Yeah.
Spencer (41:41.021)
I rescind that question then.
I aired.
Matt (41:46.738)
So, um, so the Kong dynasty joins the Mushroom Kingdom. Do they, what are they, what do you think they actually get out of this in this scenario? Like, is it just watching? Does Cranky just hate Donkey so much? Well, and it's not just Cranky. The entire, like, Kong dynasty watched Donkey get his shit kicked in and loved it.
Luciano (42:00.85)
I think that's what it, I think you nailed it when we talked about it at the first. Like I just.
Spencer (42:01.429)
That's what I think!
Luciano (42:09.042)
Because that thing looked a lot like a coliseum, right?
Chris (42:13.613)
Yeah.
Spencer (42:14.2)
There's no way that was the first. Exactly, I really do think, Cranky, it's like someone's like, sir, Cranky, my road needs to be paved and perhaps we can build it. If you beat the shit out of my no good son, I may be inclined.
Matt (42:14.686)
And they do this often.
Luciano (42:24.658)
Well, if you beat my son...
Luciano (42:31.762)
And a pack dancing motherfucker. Yeah.
Matt (42:32.33)
I'm out.
Spencer (42:37.119)
Again? Dad? Shut the fuck up Donkey Kong You piece of shit
Matt (42:37.527)
haha
Luciano (42:43.922)
I appreciate the reference to the first game in that scene though. That was pretty cool. Like the very, very first game. The Donkey Kong game. Yeah. So he, Mario is a carpenter, not a plumber, and he's there to rescue Lady. No, she doesn't have a name because this is the 80s. And Donkey Kong is throwing barrels at him in, uh, in
Spencer (42:48.604)
Remind me, he throws a barrel.
Matt (42:58.726)
Right. It's honestly not. I mean it's the same as this movie is with treating women. So whatever.
Luciano (43:06.354)
It really is. But like the scene is very like, they did a very good job like paying homage to that. I thought. But yeah, I think you're onto something there, man. I think he's just like, Cranky just can't fucking take Donkey Kong being a douchebag. It's like any opportunity he gets to get his living shit out of his son beaten down. No? Yeah, well, to be fair.
Spencer (43:07.848)
How far we've come.
Chris (43:14.466)
Mm-hmm.
Matt (43:25.099)
Thanks for watching!
Spencer (43:27.04)
I mean, can you blame him? He's Seth Rogen. Heheheheh.
Chris (43:27.702)
AAAAAAAA
Matt (43:29.962)
Hahahaha
Luciano (43:33.01)
Both in the games and in the movie, both of them are assholes, so it stands to reason.
Spencer (43:39.776)
I just picture Donkey Kong smoking a banana bong all day. Get your no good ass outta here Donkey Kong.
Chris (43:40.616)
until...
Luciano (43:45.362)
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
Chris (43:48.782)
Until DK saves all the prisoners on the flying fortress and then his dad's like, crap, you came through. Yeah, right. Do the dead zig pack thing. He's like, nah, dad, I got some, I'm not done. I got responsibilities.
Luciano (43:54.61)
True. For once.
Matt (43:57.068)
So...
Matt (44:04.622)
finally makes his dad proud, something Mario could never do.
Luciano (44:06.098)
Yeah, which is which is also this is just a story of two, like men trying to please their dads. This is what this is. Yeah, exactly. That's what that's what Cat Stevens was writing about. It was Mario Mario and Donkey Kong.
Matt (44:14.402)
classic.
Chris (44:14.466)
Cats in the cradle and the sail spoon Little boy flew the man in the moon Doggy Kong gonna move his pecs up and down And Cracky gonna hug You know you're gonna get this love
Spencer (44:15.7)
Hehehehe, Mario Donkey Kong!
Matt (44:29.541)
Hehehehe
Luciano (44:29.778)
You think it's autobiographical, but it's not. He's talking about Mario in Donkey Kong. That's what it is.
Matt (44:33.686)
great I love it let's move on some questions I have just random thoughts about the movie and other things real quick is tote high hey no we're past that why don't you understand when bits are over
Chris (44:42.15)
I love you, Dad.
Luciano (44:43.666)
My son is just like me anyway
Spencer (44:48.201)
We're done.
Luciano (44:51.282)
because it's funny to make you mad. Ha ha ha.
Matt (44:52.782)
No, no, I'm editing that. You're bad, you're bad, man. I need a beastie fact.
Spencer (44:55.669)
We're gonna, yeah, we need some Beastie Boy facts. Is that what you want? Oh yeah, I have to make them up now. Did you know that the Beastie Boys are a combined six feet tall?
Chris (44:58.571)
Spritz Spritz!
Luciano (44:59.73)
That's a slip.
Luciano (45:09.586)
I did like five people or something.
Spencer (45:12.272)
That's just the facts, the three people. God damn it! That's not what the speechy facts are for.
Matt (45:12.935)
Chris (45:14.902)
CZ1BG, where we get it down most every day. And Miss Max and Micah, what you got to say? I'm-
Matt (45:20.754)
No, you did the wrong thing. I went too far. Toad, is Toad high?
Luciano (45:21.714)
Ha ha!
Luciano (45:26.29)
Oh my god. Yes. Next. I think... He's eating himself. Yeah. Not a cannibal. He's eating himself.
Chris (45:28.722)
must be must be must be he's been eating he's a cannibal okay why do you think cat no why do you think he's been in the wilderness what he can't you can't he is nimble as fuck he can't defend anybody look how nimble what has he been eating then what part
Spencer (45:30.492)
Is he high off eating mushrooms?
Luciano (45:44.754)
So?
himself.
Matt (45:48.522)
Him- himself.
Luciano (45:50.738)
Yes. Yeah. He's a, he's a, he's a mushroom lizard. Is what he is.
Matt (45:52.266)
Wouldn't, wouldn't, I assume it just grows back. Grab a little off the midsection, eat it up, grows back.
Chris (45:52.954)
EEEEH
Spencer (45:56.955)
I like a...
Chris (45:57.826)
So then mutant toads are then immortal?
Matt (46:04.002)
potentially. How many times you've seen it? How many times you see toke get flattened and then pop back up?
Luciano (46:04.082)
Sure.
Chris (46:05.794)
we have a new highlander series.
Luciano (46:08.37)
I would watch that. Can you imagine? Toad? Voiced by Christopher Lambert being a Highlander. I would fucking watch the shit out of that.
Matt (46:15.275)
Oh no. Oh no.
Spencer (46:16.764)
I was thinking another movie where Toad eats other Toads to get high. And he needs to be, he needs to cannibalize the kingdom to beat his insatiable hunger for
Chris (46:23.746)
That's what I'm saying. Going on an adventure. Hey Jeff, let me talk to you for a minute. Huh?
Luciano (46:29.874)
The mushroom centipede.
Matt (46:31.978)
Welcome.
Spencer (46:34.041)
Ha ha!
Matt (46:36.822)
So mushrooms, mushrooms centipede is what we're going with. Toad is high. Are you, are you guys high is the real question. Oh God. Next question. Moving on from that because that was a disaster. Let's assume, no, peach. Let's assume in a world where peach actually has her own free will and is able to just say, you know what, I actually like what you're doing Bowser.
Luciano (46:39.602)
Yeah.
Chris (46:40.258)
BWAH! M- Well, m-
Spencer (46:41.504)
Hehehehe
Luciano (46:42.706)
Unfortunately, no.
Chris (46:44.778)
Uh, not right now. Um.
Luciano (46:50.77)
Have you have you listened to this podcast before?
Chris (46:53.184)
Sabotage!
Spencer (47:02.612)
What a nightmare.
Matt (47:04.65)
That's a fair question. I appreciate your interest and let's get it together. Let's put it together for the kingdoms of the pipe worlds. Let's see where it goes. Yeah. What's the fallout? What? What am I saying? Sure. Yeah, you had to stop me for that. If I if I stop too soon, you guys say dumb things. So I have to go a little too far.
Luciano (47:09.49)
Let's see where this goes. Yeah.
Spencer (47:12.18)
Are you saying she wants to join their two houses?
Chris (47:18.702)
Hmmm
Spencer (47:19.292)
I thought you were done. You just keep going. Hehe
Chris (47:23.234)
HA!
Spencer (47:26.521)
Yes, that's true.
Luciano (47:27.666)
Well, to be fair, to be fair, we say them things regardless.
Matt (47:32.259)
I- it's so hard- I know, that's the problem, I never know when to stop.
Luciano (47:34.162)
Hahahaha
Chris (47:34.818)
I'm not gonna do that.
Spencer (47:36.312)
Eugh, it's like wrangling butterflies.
Luciano (47:37.778)
I liked Spencer's Game of Thrones take on this. He joins their two houses and becomes the King of the North or whatever.
Matt (47:37.996)
So in this scenario...
Chris (47:45.428)
Mm-hmm.
Spencer (47:46.798)
Their kingdom shall become one.
Matt (47:49.554)
Right? And what happens to all the other kingdoms? Like what happens to the Kong dynasty? She marries... Cranky, not Donkey? The penguin, alright.
Spencer (47:50.688)
She marries them too. She marries Cranky too.
Luciano (47:53.906)
And the penguin?
Chris (47:55.825)
Oh my god
Spencer (47:56.688)
No, not don't. And the penguin. It's like the opposite of a man with multiple wives. She's multiple husbands.
Chris (48:03.714)
Do you like loo-
Spencer (48:07.665)
Do you like lube? I'll take it or leave it.
Luciano (48:08.786)
And that way, did they form a band? Did they form a band in the end as well?
Matt (48:14.304)
Oh god, I don't want to be here.
Chris (48:15.663)
That's one word for it.
Spencer (48:16.24)
and they call themselves...
Luciano (48:17.17)
Jesus Christ, I was trying to bring this away from the brink.
Chris (48:21.287)
You did what you did.
Spencer (48:21.324)
They start a band and they call themselves the Beastie Boys. I can't stand it. No, no. Uh.
Chris (48:25.154)
The Partridge family!
Luciano (48:25.714)
Hahaha!
Hahaha!
Matt (48:29.915)
We did it. We landed that joke.
Chris (48:31.798)
So I think it would have been a, I think the unexpected answer to that question of the joining of the houses, I have to say, I think Bowser would have changed. Cause...
Luciano (48:44.05)
I was gonna say, she mellows him out.
Spencer (48:46.42)
For sure. I think he would have done anything for her.
Chris (48:47.354)
I would say, I think so. I think he would have changed. Meatloaf, okay? Meatloaf. And then she's like, but let's talk about, no, what's disrespectful is you not letting me finish, motherfucker. I think that he would have found a way to assert dominance when needed, but at the same time, that's not, no, politically, you heathens, you heathens.
Spencer (48:54.912)
Oh, got it.
Luciano (48:54.962)
No, his name is Jack Black. That's disrespectful.
Spencer (48:58.396)
No, he would do anything for love. Ha ha ha.
Luciano (49:09.522)
Oh my god, why?
Spencer (49:09.816)
Jesus Christ. Incel Spencer.
Matt (49:16.575)
I mean, you need to use the right words to make sure we know what you're saying.
Chris (49:16.822)
Politically!
Spencer (49:19.517)
understand
Chris (49:20.606)
I- no, listen, this podcast is a shining light in the realm of logic and uh, no god damn it, I was talking political! Okay?
Luciano (49:22.226)
I understand. I understand.
Luciano (49:29.554)
Misogyny?
Matt (49:33.962)
We have one in cell person, Max.
Spencer (49:34.676)
Chris, I'm gonna get you back on board. You think he would change for the better.
Chris (49:40.194)
That's what I was trying to say.
Spencer (49:40.796)
You think you'd be become a good man or turtle.
Luciano (49:43.538)
Yeah, she could even say, OK, if we're going to do this, you're going to have to work on your issues. Yeah.
Chris (49:44.023)
I think a good turtle or whatever.
Spencer (49:51.306)
Yes.
Chris (49:52.854)
It would have had to go to counseling. He would have to assess his mental health, get himself correct, start lifting weights.
Spencer (49:58.176)
But does she have to fix him? Is that really her job?
Luciano (50:02.194)
No, she doesn't.
Chris (50:02.482)
I didn't, I said you need to get that done. I didn't say she had to do it.
Matt (50:03.135)
Nice.
Luciano (50:06.13)
I think he would just because he now has love in his life.
Matt (50:06.27)
He fixes himself, because he wants to.
Chris (50:11.734)
He also said he wants to be happy, so he needs to go on that journey. You know, that's, he needs to go on.
Spencer (50:15.604)
Do you think Peach would have given him a chance if he wasn't evil?
Luciano (50:16.146)
Yeah.
Luciano (50:20.434)
I don't think so. I think the species barrier is too great.
Spencer (50:22.732)
I think the species barrier is a problem. The way she... She's been around toads a long time and she jumps on Mario the second she sees him, so...
Matt (50:24.018)
Wow.
Chris (50:25.119)
I don't know, it's a why, it's a, she's...
Matt (50:28.925)
It's impossible to know.
It's impossible to know because he's just evil from been evil so long. It's right in your kingdom. If they just met in Brooklyn shopping at a Beastie Boys concert, maybe they would have hit it off.
Luciano (50:37.295)
That's fair.
Spencer (50:40.453)
shopping.
Spencer (50:44.34)
Wait, what are you shopping there? For Beastie merch?
Luciano (50:45.938)
Shopping at a for March for March. Yeah, of course
Matt (50:50.724)
Yeah, Beastie Birch. Sure, why not?
Chris (50:51.052)
at Tower Wekord.
Spencer (50:54.464)
and like they both reach for the same shirt and they're like, oh, no you haven't. And he's like, no you haven't.
Chris (50:54.838)
Yeah, I think.
Matt (50:59.634)
Yeah.
Luciano (51:00.477)
It's like, yeah, you have it. Cause in me would fit my pinky and it would be a, yeah. Okay.
Spencer (51:06.621)
What a gentleman! Perhaps we could go out on a date sometime.
Chris (51:06.986)
Anything is possible.
Matt (51:09.267)
Alright, I like that.
Luciano (51:11.567)
I think you're mean gentle turtle. It was a little baby, you're right.
Chris (51:13.602)
Whatever you say, Bane.
Matt (51:15.87)
Yeah, we're good.
Spencer (51:20.756)
Would you like to go out with me? Sorry. I will break- yeah! First your spirit, and then your body!
Chris (51:21.809)
But I think it would have been pretty cool.
Luciano (51:25.856)
You think you would like to go out with me? I will break you! Hahahaha!
Matt (51:26.112)
What would happen if I don't come out with you?
Matt (51:33.081)
Ha!
Chris (51:34.175)
Oh no!
Luciano (51:38.137)
We all went there.
Matt (51:38.668)
Ah, damn it. Bowser can't be fixed. Moving on.
Luciano (51:43.145)
Uhhh...
Chris (51:45.18)
Oh my gosh. Oh my god.
Matt (51:46.211)
Is Cranky Kong the real villain of this movie?
Spencer (51:50.176)
I mean, he definitely doesn't win Father of the Year award.
Luciano (51:50.427)
Hmm
I was gonna say he's the villain in Donkey Kong's life, that's for sure.
Chris (51:53.854)
Nah. He gets the danger feel to word for that. Rodney!
Spencer (51:55.92)
You think? I, you know what I think he is. I'm going to show my work here. I think the reason why he wanted to fight Bowser on Mushroom Kingdom's turf is because he was planning to overthrow the Mushroom Kingdom after they won the battle. Yeah, that's why he sent his army there. It was a long con.
Luciano (52:02.029)
Okay.
Luciano (52:09.739)
once it was like in shambles.
Matt (52:10.53)
Mmm.
Luciano (52:15.804)
I see. And the I have to battle my son thing was to assess his adversary's strength. I see. Cunning.
Spencer (52:20.343)
Yeah, exactly.
Chris (52:22.974)
and or soften them up.
Matt (52:24.793)
And if they killed his son, so much the easier, no threat to his throne.
Spencer (52:27.844)
Yes. That... One let Seth Rogen.
Luciano (52:28.898)
Yeah, also one douchebag fewer in the world.
Chris (52:29.986)
Could've.
Matt (52:32.498)
MMMM... Hahahaha
Chris (52:34.646)
Don't forget though, there was also Diddy Kong, so he probably would have groomed him and started over.
Matt (52:40.353)
Why you gotta use that word?
Spencer (52:40.874)
Yeah, grooming in what sense?
Luciano (52:41.526)
Yeah, like you're, you're like picking the words today. Just wow.
Chris (52:41.934)
I meant like, what's the word?
Spencer (52:45.866)
Heh.
Chris (52:47.998)
Listen, grooming him for the throne.
Luciano (52:51.242)
Yeah, you need to kind of complete your sentences there, bud.
Spencer (52:51.5)
Okay, you should have said that.
Chris (52:54.331)
Y'all are too trigger happy. Too trigger happy.
Matt (52:58.122)
Just, I'm just, we're just checking. We want clarification for the clarity for the audience. Is that us? The audience listening needs to know.
Luciano (53:00.87)
Clarity. Yeah.
Spencer (53:04.265)
and e-
Chris (53:04.43)
Said the stuttering Stanley! Heh heh.
Luciano (53:05.458)
Yeah, yeah, it's not, it's, it's not for us. We know you're a degenerate. We just did.
Spencer (53:07.784)
We need... It's for the jury. It's for the jury and the judge.
Matt (53:14.674)
It's for your honor when they listen to this.
Chris (53:16.354)
No further questions. Wait, may I approach the bench?
Luciano (53:17.81)
It's for evidence during discoveries. That's what this is for.
Matt (53:21.523)
Yeah
Chris (53:21.75)
QUARM IS IN MOTHERFUCKIN' SESSION!
Matt (53:25.894)
Alright, no, I appreciate that answer. That's pretty solid. Hey, um...
Our lovable friend Lumily, who is ever so nihilistic. What the fuck did they see? What happened to them that made them so nihilistic?
Luciano (53:34.45)
Yes.
Spencer (53:36.756)
VIP.
Luciano (53:46.066)
So I think, I think, no, no, no, no, no. So I think what happens when, cause Lumiere is a star as well, right? A ghost star. I think whenever someone consumes one of the stars that Bowser has, they become a ghost star after.
Chris (53:48.674)
Beastie Boys concert in 1987 in London.
Spencer (54:04.008)
that would track with the lore.
Well in Mario 64 when you get a star and you go back for that star again it's in ghost form. Because it's been sucked of all it's serotonin. Because the star is depressed. Because it's been sucked of it's serotonin. That's what I'm saying.
Luciano (54:07.954)
I
Chris (54:08.014)
Would it? Would it, wow.
Chris (54:13.27)
It's ghost translucent. Meows.
Luciano (54:14.802)
There you go. Yeah, now it's just, wow, why Serotonin of all things? Yeah, well, this one is, I actually know this one, this one is happy when he thinks it's about to die, which is amazing. And he goes, boo, and he gets saved, which is amazing as well. I think, so I think what happened was, whoever used the star before, maybe it was even Bowser himself that used the star before.
Matt (54:25.779)
Mm. Yeah.
Spencer (54:30.151)
Heh.
Chris (54:44.794)
Hmm
Luciano (54:44.882)
And then imprison the ghost just to like not have it tell what it did with the star. And so all of the atrocities and all of the things that basically Bowser made the star commit as it was inhabiting his body is what made them see what it saw. And be how it is. Yeah.
Spencer (54:44.884)
Test run.
Chris (54:59.918)
Dang.
Spencer (55:01.244)
Oh, that's deeper. I thought you were saying that the star, like, all of its hopes and dreams and life force get taken away when that's what powers the person.
Chris (55:02.414)
Detailed.
Luciano (55:11.058)
Yeah, it was sucked from, it was left as a literal shell of itself, but it knows things and it's seen what Bowser did. And Bowser, you can't kill a ghost, so he has to imprison it. That's what happened, I think. I think that's another movie, a movie that I think we need to see. It's the prequel story, Bowser and the Star, it's the name of the movie. And we're gonna get Hawking Phoenix to play Bowser.
Spencer (55:19.314)
Yes, b-
Spencer (55:36.564)
creative name. Wait, I thought this was the same universe. Oh, this is like a live action prequel.
Luciano (55:42.898)
No, it's a different one. Yeah, they put they put Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah, they put Joaquin Phoenix in a Patrick cosplay and then he plays. He plays the star. Yeah. When he has the star in himself. Anyway, anyway, let it, let it, let it happen. I know.
Matt (55:47.402)
What's a younger a younger ever so slightly younger Bowser?
Matt (55:58.562)
What? Yeah, we're not even gonna ask that question. No we're past it. We're past it. No, we're past it.
Chris (56:01.302)
Let that happen. Let it happen. Dooo
Spencer (56:03.514)
You were on such a good roll, you were on such a good run for a moment there.
Luciano (56:08.946)
I got blank when I was thinking about what he could dress as to be in it.
Spencer (56:12.578)
So, note.
Matt (56:13.174)
You know, let's take- let's-
Chris (56:13.314)
Joaquin Phoenix in a Patrick Star costume.
Matt (56:17.21)
Hey, no, we're taking this to a happy place. Simple question. Blue shells, have they existed in the world, our world, on the earth? If someone just fired one off, what would happen?
Luciano (56:20.754)
Okay.
Luciano (56:30.322)
Oh.
Chris (56:31.822)
Chaos. The stock market crashes. Hot dogs no longer come available in foot long. They only come out in three inches.
Matt (56:39.062)
Hey Chris, Chris a blue shell can only do one thing. How is it crashing the stock market and.
Luciano (56:43.378)
It's... it's a cascade effect.
Chris (56:46.015)
That's right, have you ever seen the Ashton Kutcher vehicle Butterfly?
Matt (56:48.106)
Alright.
Luciano (56:49.202)
Butterfly fact, this is the blue shell effect.
Matt (56:50.618)
All right. Great. All right. My bad. Sorry I mentioned. Please continue on the blue shell effect.
Chris (56:58.53)
Tagging somebody in now.
Luciano (57:00.082)
Hahaha! Wow!
Matt (57:00.918)
God dammit!
Chris (57:04.618)
I could, I could keep going, but I wanna share.
Spencer (57:06.048)
I like to imagine a world where anyone in the lead is punished. So it's like any lead, like they're reading the tests from like a school exam. Like in number one, in 97 pretty good Billy, but number one was Tommy. They're like, what? Shh, shh, don't say it.
Luciano (57:12.402)
Any lead, just any sort of lead.
Chris (57:12.907)
Mmmm
Luciano (57:19.666)
I'm sorry.
Luciano (57:25.874)
BUNK!
Spencer (57:28.2)
And everyone's like living in fear. They're like, did you just say I was the top of the class? Yeah.
Luciano (57:31.026)
Oh, it becomes like a curse in the world.
Matt (57:36.31)
to parents scare their children.
Spencer (57:37.764)
Yeah, exactly. Do good, but not too good. Yeah, exactly. It's like, you know, rich people are still want to be rich, but they just want, you know, one dollar more. One dollar more. And then all of a sudden, sir, your stock, the profile just came in. You are officially the richest man. Don't you say it.
Luciano (57:38.93)
You have to be good, but not too good.
Luciano (57:50.226)
They don't want to be the richest.
Luciano (58:00.37)
Don't you say it!
Chris (58:02.274)
This feels like it's turning into an odd Black Mirror-esque scenario in a way.
Luciano (58:05.49)
Yeah, it is. It is. I actually watched that. That sounds fun.
Spencer (58:06.824)
What did you just say?
Spencer (58:11.199)
You can hear it. It's everywhere.
Matt (58:11.455)
Oh
Chris (58:11.51)
That's...
Matt (58:15.67)
So in this case, would it be like a nuclear explosion or is it more like a sniper bullet that just like passes through somebody? Yeah.
Spencer (58:20.496)
Passes through their skull like lights like super speed from their heads explode
Luciano (58:23.954)
I just it's literally just the the shell flies through the window bonks someone in the head and moves on
Chris (58:24.136)
Mmm... yeah.
Matt (58:26.248)
Yeah.
Spencer (58:30.036)
Thank you.
Chris (58:30.974)
Anybody, any of you remember Gallagher when he took that mallet to the watermelon? It's like that. It's like that.
Spencer (58:34.556)
Yeah, I see where you're going with this. It's what? It's just Gallagher with a hammer? Yeah. Aaaaaah! Now here's the hole in this premise. The second someone gets sniped by the Gallagher blue shell, wouldn't the next person be next in line?
Matt (58:34.83)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That's a... that's a... easy.
Luciano (58:35.122)
Hahaha!
Matt (58:42.59)
He's got a little blue hat on.
Chris (58:44.476)
Ha ha Well, you wanna you wanna you wanna yeah, but that's the blue shell
Luciano (58:57.01)
The next person because yes, yes. Yes
Matt (59:00.862)
Well, but someone has to unleash the blue shell, right? So it doesn't just happen all the time.
Spencer (59:06.245)
In this world it does.
Luciano (59:07.186)
Oh, so this is like a, the ring curse sort of deal where you have to have to show it to someone else.
Matt (59:07.394)
So it's like a...
Matt (59:12.019)
Yeah, there's like one blue shell. One blue shell in the world. And when it strikes, then it just, it's lost and the next person finds it. The next person unleashes it.
Chris (59:20.182)
Like the, this is like the Dragon Balls almost. Only the blue shell selects the next user. Is it? Okay, okay.
Luciano (59:22.578)
Oh, it's it no it's death death note. It's death note Yeah
Matt (59:26.482)
It's Death Note, yeah. Yeah, it's Death Note.
Spencer (59:27.619)
and you don't know what first place it's gonna go for when you throw it.
Luciano (59:32.946)
Or maybe the person who picks can pick what first it is. Exactly. That's why it's the death note. Yeah.
Matt (59:33.563)
I think the person firing it can pick, right?
Spencer (59:36.132)
Oh, but you never know who's gonna find it and who they're gonna go for. So nobody wants to be first.
Matt (59:39.878)
Exactly. Yep. Blumhouse, call us. We've got a horror film for you.
Luciano (59:45.426)
Hahaha!
Spencer (59:46.186)
It definitely feels like an anime. And there'll be all these rules, you know, like every anime has all those rules. That's gonna be like, you cannot take a tie. You can only go for a single leader.
Luciano (59:48.914)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Luciano (59:57.458)
Yeah, you can get two first places you have to have a so then people start finding like ways of gaming the system No, no, they're both first. So you can't attack them both
Spencer (01:00:05.809)
Yeah, exactly.
Matt (01:00:07.606)
So the one thing we're missing in this scenario is there is a way to stop the blue shell on Mario Kart, right? If you get the boom box, when the blue shell goes up and is about to hit you, if you hit that boom box, it knocks the blue shell off. So what is the one thing that can save you from a blue shell?
Chris (01:00:25.134)
Say, I'm a cheater!
Spencer (01:00:26.312)
Do do
Luciano (01:00:27.09)
But it has to be queued in the right spot. Exactly. Yeah. I think you nailed it.
Matt (01:00:29.871)
If you play it at the exact right time.
Spencer (01:00:33.374)
Okay.
Matt (01:00:35.51)
Cune, right to that point, yeah. Nailed it. All right, moving on. Moving on, easy question. Again, something simple. We saw a little snippet at the end. The only one that mattered was the Yoshi egg shell.
Spencer (01:00:36.403)
Yeah.
Chris (01:00:37.591)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:00:38.868)
Perfect. That's the only right answer.
Luciano (01:00:54.834)
Right. Yeah.
Chris (01:00:55.619)
EEEE EEEEE
Matt (01:00:57.138)
So let's ask an old favorite question from the previous podcast. The studio is dead set on making a sequel because they made over a billion dollars.
Luciano (01:01:07.41)
Why would they not be sad on doing a sequel?
Spencer (01:01:07.836)
Uuuhhh
Chris (01:01:12.074)
Way to go, Nintendo.
Matt (01:01:13.275)
What's the sequel to Super Mario Bros. about?
Spencer (01:01:17.648)
Well, I think we all know what the sequel is gonna be and what it should be. I mean, this isn't a joke. I think it actually should be. It's gonna be super Smash Bros. Right? I think so. I think that the sequel should be like a... Chris, what are you doing? I was just like...
Luciano (01:01:23.698)
What is it?
Luciano (01:01:29.81)
Really? That's not what I thought you were gonna go with.
Chris (01:01:36.253)
Do do
Luciano (01:01:40.05)
Hahaha! Throwing you off apparently! Hahaha!
Matt (01:01:40.718)
Hahaha
Chris (01:01:41.247)
I was setting you up!
I was setting you, I was supporting you, I was backing you up, you were setting it up and you were going for it, you were putting your pitch down and I was giving you a night at the Roxbury.
Spencer (01:01:47.508)
Hehe
Luciano (01:01:52.946)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:01:53.233)
ehhhh oh hehehe wha- why? hehehe okay hehehe hehe
Luciano (01:01:55.41)
This was like watching someone take a shot in golf and someone going you got this bud. You got this
Spencer (01:02:01.248)
You got to you're not going to shake it. It's going to be good. No, no, I'm saying it's going to be super smash. I mean, I really think this is a perfect Nintendo is a perfect shared universe. And if they did do an animated Zelda movie and an animated but no the Zelda movie is going to be live action. But if they did do an animated Zelda movie and an animated, I don't know. What are their other properties Samus movie?
Chris (01:02:01.288)
Yeah
Chris (01:02:06.704)
EGLE!
Matt (01:02:13.09)
Thanks for watching!
Chris (01:02:18.71)
They're doing it. Like, yeah, sorry, go on, go on.
Matt (01:02:21.55)
Live action, yeah.
Luciano (01:02:22.45)
Oh fear, big fear.
Luciano (01:02:28.562)
Mega Man and Metroid.
Spencer (01:02:31.036)
Yeah, Metroid. No, Mega Man's not there. Yeah. Like a Kirby movie. Oh, obviously a Pokemon movie. Right? So they did have all these animated movies and then at the end they're like, we wanna tell you about the Smash Initiative.
Matt (01:02:31.858)
Mega Man's not there, get your head out of your ass.
Chris (01:02:34.35)
Capcom
Luciano (01:02:34.93)
Well, Mega Man is in Smash Bros, isn't it?
Matt (01:02:38.898)
Yeah, but don't get twisted on that.
Luciano (01:02:41.874)
Okay, so I'm my bad, I guess.
Matt (01:02:46.144)
Yeah.
Luciano (01:02:50.898)
Is it gonna be like a Mortal Kombat thing where it's like to save the realms or whatever?
Chris (01:02:52.566)
Mortal Kombat?
Matt (01:02:53.754)
No, no, no. It's it's no it's not Mortal Kombat. It's Bloodsport.
Spencer (01:02:58.737)
Isn't that the same thing?
Luciano (01:02:59.218)
Oh shit. No.
Chris (01:03:00.942)
Wait, wait, are you trying to say killer instinct?
Matt (01:03:04.094)
Well, no. No. So, no, it's Smash Brothers, but Smash Brothers, like, Mortal Kombat's like two different factions fighting against each other over the fate of the mortal plane. Right? Whereas, you know, Smash Brothers is just one person takes all. That's why I'm saying Bloodsport rules, where whoever wins the Kumatai is the champion.
Luciano (01:03:04.178)
No, the game? Jesus.
Spencer (01:03:12.22)
Ah, yes, yes. You're saying Bloodsport rules.
Luciano (01:03:14.194)
Yeah.
Luciano (01:03:19.378)
Oh, I see what you mean. It's more like, right, right, right, right. Okay.
Spencer (01:03:19.74)
Well, I think... But I figured... I really thought at the end of this movie there's a chance that the stinger was gonna be the master hand. Like coming from space or something. Which would have been cool. So I think that the sequel should be like... You know, the hand making Smash.
Chris (01:03:23.239)
Uhhh... Okay, Highlander.
Luciano (01:03:38.738)
But the, so I've, I don't really play Smash Brothers at all, but is Yoshi in it? Okay. Then I guess that makes some sense. I don't, okay.
Spencer (01:03:43.582)
Yeah.
Matt (01:03:45.394)
Yeah. They've...
Spencer (01:03:46.672)
Wait, is Yoshi in it? Yeah, Yoshi's in the original one, yeah.
Matt (01:03:51.846)
It's fine. It's probably fine. Yeah.
Spencer (01:03:52.884)
Remember the old commercial where they're all in like costumes and it's a Ryoshi and Donkey Kong and they're all beating each other up?
Matt (01:03:58.878)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:04:01.46)
So it'd be like the original cast, I guess.
Matt (01:04:02.421)
Yeah.
Luciano (01:04:05.01)
I don't so I I don't know if it's gonna be that because
I feel like they would have shown more, like you said, like something that actually ties the worlds together, not just more of Mario stuff.
Matt (01:04:17.726)
I'm sorry, you're questioning his logic because of what exactly? This movie showed 20 minutes of Mario Kart, 10 minutes of Donkey Kong First World, like 20 minutes of Brooklyn. They just want to show you things you remember, so you remember them and you feel... Yeah.
Luciano (01:04:20.978)
I'm out of my bed. My bed. You're right. You're right. My bed.
Spencer (01:04:23.135)
because
Spencer (01:04:31.206)
Yeah.
Luciano (01:04:32.818)
Yeah, you're right. You're right. I'm expecting too much of this. You're right.
Spencer (01:04:36.549)
And Smash Bros is like
Luciano (01:04:40.69)
So you buy them, yes.
Spencer (01:04:41.316)
And I'm pretty sure Smash Bros is like the second biggest Mario game?
Luciano (01:04:47.122)
I think that would be Mario Kart, no?
Spencer (01:04:48.772)
No. Yeah, Mario, but Mario Kart was already done in this one. So.
Chris (01:04:53.354)
If someone released a blue shell towards the Mario, or rather the Nintendo catalog and it's Smash Bros versus Mario Kart, which one goes down?
Spencer (01:05:01.776)
Mario Kart goes down. Mario Kart's bigger than Smash Bros. But.
Matt (01:05:03.54)
Mario Kart.
Luciano (01:05:03.858)
Yeah. Yeah. It's like the ultimate party game.
Chris (01:05:04.587)
Damn.
What about Mario Party? Mario Party is another one too. OK, well. Oh, OK.
Matt (01:05:09.679)
No, not even close. No.
Spencer (01:05:10.156)
Mario Party's not even close to Smash Bros. So I think I think they would be dumb for them not to do Smash Bros. I think I also think it's just a cool story. I love like tournament style. Like it's just if it's going to be too violent.
Luciano (01:05:12.626)
Yeah.
Matt (01:05:22.302)
Yep.
Luciano (01:05:22.802)
Bloodsport with cute things.
Matt (01:05:25.526)
So who in Spencer in this scenario, we've already used Bowser, who would be sort of the main villain in the Smash Brothers world.
Spencer (01:05:28.894)
Mm-hmm.
Spencer (01:05:35.744)
The Master Hand.
Chris (01:05:38.254)
There's another one too. Yeah.
Luciano (01:05:38.258)
Wario!
Spencer (01:05:39.524)
No, Wario is going to be in it. But you know what? The Master Hand is the one that like makes them all fight. They don't want to fight. But then they're like, they're putting these tournaments that, I mean, the tournament that they.
Matt (01:05:40.554)
But...
Luciano (01:05:43.57)
Not as the villain?
Chris (01:05:45.762)
Wario.
Luciano (01:05:48.498)
Fight. Yeah.
Matt (01:05:52.22)
Right. So how does that play out though? Like how do you defeat the Master Hand?
Spencer (01:05:55.868)
Well, the winner of the tournament, much, much like every movie where there's a tournament at the end of the movie, the tournament winner then fights the guy who held the tournament, right?
Chris (01:05:58.306)
Sit on it.
Luciano (01:06:07.602)
Okay, so it is Mortal Kombat. So it is Mortal Kombat.
Chris (01:06:08.142)
Shang Tsung, Shang Tsung.
Spencer (01:06:09.04)
Basically, it's ever everyone. It's every it's rollerball
Matt (01:06:12.926)
Right, so then who does the Master Hand become? Because you're actually gonna fight a disembodied hand.
Spencer (01:06:18.248)
Yes you will.
Luciano (01:06:20.754)
Oh, that's going to be a riveting, riveting movie experience.
Matt (01:06:21.226)
That sounds awful.
Spencer (01:06:22.692)
No, the disembodied hand, it's animated. You can make him have a face and look like very like, you know, Mario style. Wait, he's the main villain.
Matt (01:06:29.499)
You had me until, until that. No, it has to be some- No, but it has to be someone people recognize from Mario. Can't just be a fucking hand with a face. That's dumb.
Chris (01:06:29.707)
It's been.
Spencer (01:06:37.108)
The hand is recognizable from Smash Bros.
Chris (01:06:39.202)
But that's.
Matt (01:06:40.218)
Yes, and you use that as they get picked, but it turns out someone has to control that hand.
Luciano (01:06:47.026)
Yeah, I don't honestly don't think it should be the hand. I don't think it should be the hand. I think it should be just a character that is the former champion of the Smash Bros is the villain. Again, something that happens in all tournament movies is like the champion is a douche bag and then Mario has to win. Yeah, that's why I said Wario, yeah.
Spencer (01:06:47.922)
I don't know about that.
Listeners right in here.
Spencer (01:06:56.948)
Captain Falcon.
Matt (01:06:59.778)
Sure. Flippy.
Chris (01:06:59.947)
Oooo
Spencer (01:07:04.22)
Now, if that's the case, then Wario is the perfect choice for that role.
Matt (01:07:08.266)
Sure, yeah, I like that. And the Waluigi, it's tag team.
Chris (01:07:08.462)
Hmm.
Yeah, Waluigit.
Luciano (01:07:12.306)
Yeah. Look at. Look at or look at. Yeah.
Spencer (01:07:13.052)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like that. That works. But then the master at the end, it's the opposite where you think Wario is holding it. But the master hand is the one who's actually controlling everything. The man the hand is the God.
Matt (01:07:14.558)
Wallowig it.
Luciano (01:07:25.106)
What, did that go off the fucking hand already? Hehehehe
Chris (01:07:32.134)
Hehe hehehe
Matt (01:07:35.179)
No. But. Ha ha
Luciano (01:07:43.794)
Those are the ones that take another 20 minutes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Chris (01:07:45.994)
Nothing is simple.
Spencer (01:07:47.121)
Nothing's ever simple.
Matt (01:07:50.706)
At the beginning of the movie Bowser attacks all those penguin people, right? And they come out and they are ready to take on the Koopa army. They have way fewer numbers, don't have any flying troops that I'm aware of, or a flying castle. And it appears, even from first glance, that fire seems to be a very common element within the Koopa ranks.
Luciano (01:08:01.746)
with snowballs.
Matt (01:08:19.43)
Even without Bowser knowing he has a breath weapon. What the fuck were they thinking when they just like opened fire? The penguins.
Luciano (01:08:29.81)
Hmm
Chris (01:08:30.628)
Mm-hmm.
Spencer (01:08:31.472)
Yeah, they were very confident.
Luciano (01:08:32.626)
Are penguins known to be confident birds? Is that a thing that I don't know or? Yeah, that's why I'm asking. Like it seems like a bad pick for a confident bird if it was like some sort of a grue or whatever. Yeah, riveting. Yeah.
Chris (01:08:37.976)
Well...
Matt (01:08:38.814)
Have you seen them wall around and fall on their ass in the Arctic? Does that look confident? Okay.
Spencer (01:08:41.076)
No way they're coming.
Matt (01:08:47.46)
You talk and I'm gonna Google our penguins confident.
Spencer (01:08:51.7)
We need to know!
Chris (01:08:55.338)
I don't see why they couldn't be. I mean, emperor penguins are a thing. And at the same time, like, when's the last time they were challenged? Like, when's the last time they were challenged in that...
Luciano (01:09:04.626)
Oh, complacency. It's complacency that drive our arrogance. I see. Is that a are you saying that's a critique of the human conditions? That what you're saying?
Spencer (01:09:09.276)
No, I think before Bowser...
Chris (01:09:10.895)
Maybe.
Spencer (01:09:15.54)
deep.
Chris (01:09:16.586)
This was supposed to be a simple question, motherfucker. Goddamn.
Spencer (01:09:18.024)
Yeah, exactly. You just proved your own point. I think I'd like to think that the Penguin Army was in a hundred year war before Bowser arrived. Thousands, thousands died. Hundreds of thousands died on both sides. No, their enemy, you no longer know of them, for they have been extinct. I'm going to say the Bob Oms.
Luciano (01:09:22.802)
Yeah.
Chris (01:09:29.538)
Ooh, uh, oh. W- H-
Luciano (01:09:30.578)
Oh, they're veterans of combat. Like Civil War? Like a Civil War?
Chris (01:09:34.966)
With whom? Of penguins or just...
Luciano (01:09:43.378)
But who were they?
Chris (01:09:48.102)
Aardvark? Oh.
Luciano (01:09:48.945)
The Bob-Obs, okay. And they won against the Bob-Obs with snowballs?
Spencer (01:09:50.236)
And when they threw their snow, because when you throw snow on their wicks, it put out their bombs, and therefore their life.
Chris (01:09:57.202)
Mm-hmm, and then they submerged them in the deep cold water. Mm-hmm Okay, okay, okay
Luciano (01:09:59.346)
Elemental attacks against the bombs.
Spencer (01:10:00.26)
Yes. I think that I think the casualty lists were in the hundreds of thousands. Penguin penguin guts strone across the battlefield.
Luciano (01:10:07.89)
of bombs.
Chris (01:10:13.397)
Mmm.
Luciano (01:10:13.554)
This has gone dark very quickly.
Matt (01:10:15.87)
Dread.
Spencer (01:10:16.124)
He held the brains of his friend in his hands and asked himself what God would allow this.
Luciano (01:10:19.954)
Why, God, why?
Matt (01:10:19.967)
I just wanna...
Chris (01:10:21.592)
Silas!
Matt (01:10:25.222)
I want to just interject here with our answer courtesy of reddit.com, all educational. The best I can come up with is, penguins seem to have no special fear of humans and have
Spencer (01:10:26.588)
Yep. How confident are penguins?
Luciano (01:10:30.002)
Ha ha!
Spencer (01:10:44.616)
That tracks.
Luciano (01:10:45.234)
Maybe that translates to fire breathing turtles as well?
Matt (01:10:47.946)
The same level of confidence is white boys.
Spencer (01:10:50.14)
Hey, I take that as offense as a white boy And I am NOT wrong
Luciano (01:10:51.09)
Oof.
Matt (01:10:54.779)
Mmm, you should.
Luciano (01:10:55.858)
Hahaha!
Matt (01:11:00.262)
Great, moving on. Let's get to the end where we talk about two things. One, our ranking of this movie, and then apparently we're going to drag on critics for five minutes because we hate ourselves. Because why not? Our scoring system, as always, is using the S tier system. S highest, F is the lowest. Somewhere in the middle is other things. Let's go with Chris. He looks penguin confident.
Luciano (01:11:10.226)
Because why not?
Luciano (01:11:26.93)
Hahaha!
Chris (01:11:28.374)
came out of a hundred year war. I've seen shit, you know, waddle for Wales. This movie was, is one of the few stable IP adaptations in the fantasy genre. In quite some time. I had no expectations walking in into this like mind you there was like a power outage.
Spencer (01:11:29.128)
He is waddling.
Luciano (01:11:32.082)
He's earned his confidence.
Chris (01:11:55.818)
when I went to go see it in the theater in my neighborhood and my wife and daughter, we went, saw it and it completely like uplifted our spirits, okay? I was just like, this is it'll pass the time, but no, it tugged on all of my nostalgic heartstrings and I've seen it many times because my daughter loved it. Like I feel like I've passed the torch, it's awesome. So for that reason, and then with our discussion, I've waited out.
And for me, this is a solid, solid A.
Spencer (01:12:26.276)
Ooh, it's glowing, glowing review.
Matt (01:12:32.101)
Solid A. That's good. Luciano, what do you got?
Chris (01:12:32.318)
Yeah.
Luciano (01:12:36.37)
I haven't watched it that many times, actually just watched it once, but I think I'm mainly in the same boat as Chris. I was thinking, having known the ratings from the critics before...
Matt (01:12:42.828)
Wow.
Luciano (01:12:52.786)
And watching this movie, I was like, people that don't like this movie are just, they just don't like joy. Like, no, it's not a complicated story. No, it's not like going to win any Oscars for like screenplay or whatever. It's just fun. And obviously the nostalgia helps. Right. But there's so many movies that could just bank on nostalgia and fail so fucking miserably. And this one didn't. Right. They like, I loved.
Chris (01:13:00.246)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:13:13.76)
That is true.
Luciano (01:13:19.378)
Basically, really one of the main things that I loved about this movie was the sound design and the music. Like they used sounds and music from the game, not too much, but not too little. And like Chris Pratt, like I wish they had picked someone else to make merry, but everybody else was okay. And like in terms of acting and like it was just fun to watch. I was like...
Wasn't bored, it was, you know, we knew from the gag of what was gonna happen. Jack Black steals the scene, as he always does. And I just had fun. So I was torn, I still kinda am torn between B and A, but I'm gonna say A for me as well. Like I would watch this again in a heartbeat. Yeah, it was fun. It was just a fun movie. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, of course. Why?
Matt (01:13:57.854)
Whoa!
Spencer (01:13:59.008)
Two A's? What is this, rural Canada?
Matt (01:14:01.547)
That's...
You just said Luma Lee was your spear animal and you give a fucking A to this movie? Get out of here. Spencer, what do you got?
Spencer (01:14:10.036)
Well, I hate Joy.
Luciano (01:14:10.642)
It had something for everybody, even me. That's what I'm saying.
Matt (01:14:14.578)
Now we're done with you, get the fuck out of here.
Spencer (01:14:15.196)
You know what this movie didn't have? Master hand F.
Luciano (01:14:20.434)
Oh fucking hell.
Spencer (01:14:21.408)
I'm just joking. Good joke, you have to explain.
Luciano (01:14:26.226)
Yeah, and nobody laughs.
Spencer (01:14:29.756)
I, this movie was good. I don't think it was great. I think it was fine. It was like vanilla ice cream. I'll eat it, but I might feel bad after, and I probably won't eat it again, unless I have better options. Yes. Listen, you, I speak in analogies.
Matt (01:14:44.866)
Did you watch this movie? Look, what is happening right now?
Luciano (01:14:46.162)
That question came so late today. Usually it's like in the first five minutes.
Matt (01:14:54.994)
We got derailed by a lot of things.
Luciano (01:14:56.53)
True.
Spencer (01:14:56.765)
I did like this movie, but I did find it kind of like, like you said, it's very safe. I found that it was very, like everything was very predictable and nothing really was that wowing to me. Actually, I liked the beginning act a lot because it was like kind of new, like seeing them in the real world, it was a little different, but the rest of it was like.
Chris (01:15:17.578)
Mm-hmm.
Spencer (01:15:19.816)
It was good. Again, I really liked Jack Black. Obviously one of the best bangers in a movie ever. You know, speech, speech. That was fantastic. Um, and yeah, Chris Pratt was fucking white bread and, but you know, but Bowser is good. And the Keegan Bradley was good as toad and uh, well soon as we
Luciano (01:15:26.61)
Beaches, beaches, beaches, beaches. Yeah, it's so good. It's so good. Yeah.
Chris (01:15:28.686)
Mmm.
Matt (01:15:42.146)
Who? Keegan Bradley? Who the fuck is that? Oh thank you. Jesus.
Chris (01:15:43.522)
Keegan Bre- Keegan Michael- Keegan Michael Key
Luciano (01:15:43.986)
Kiggin Bradley. This new, a new guy, a new guy.
Spencer (01:15:44.44)
Sorry, Kiki Michael Kiki, Kiki Bradley is a professional golfer. Kiki Michael Key is a is that who is this? I was wondering why they chose him. Kiki Michael Key was great.
Chris (01:15:52.596)
Good. No. Wow.
Luciano (01:15:55.218)
Yeah, Keegan-Michael Key, yes.
Chris (01:15:59.33)
He's about to clap you up in the streets. He's about to find you in a dark alley. Put some mushrooms in your face. And that's true.
Spencer (01:16:00.972)
Uh, who else was in this? Seth Rogen actually surprisingly worked for me, even though when I first heard about it, I thought it was ridiculously stupid. Charlie day was the best casting in my opinion, and they under, underutilized him.
Luciano (01:16:07.794)
Yeah, uh, try for. No, true. I like Fred Armisen as well as cranky was great.
Matt (01:16:07.938)
Charlie Day, Fred Armisen.
Chris (01:16:14.67)
true.
Spencer (01:16:15.092)
Fred Armisen was good. Luigi doing a classic Charlie Day like freak out would have been like a full monologue of him being like freaking out would have been perfect. But, you know, just like him doing the Pepe Silvia speech in Luigi form would have been just absolute gold. Everyone look, it's Pepe Silvia. Everyone look, it's Bowser. But yeah, so I give it a, do we do plus or minuses?
Luciano (01:16:30.194)
Hahaha! Wah!
Matt (01:16:30.57)
Yeah. Perfect. Yeah.
Luciano (01:16:42.706)
No. Don't make my life hard.
Matt (01:16:43.006)
No. What the fuck, dude? Do you even come to, like, coward.
Spencer (01:16:45.464)
Okay, okay, I just wanted to double check. Okay, I'm gonna give it a B.
Luciano (01:16:52.274)
All right.
Matt (01:16:53.506)
tired of what I thought based on how much you're like.
Luciano (01:16:55.186)
Yeah, I thought you're gonna go lower too.
Spencer (01:16:56.72)
Everything it does, it does well. It's just not anything special.
Luciano (01:17:02.066)
Alright, fair enough.
Matt (01:17:03.594)
Fair enough. I liked this movie. It was fun. It was simple. Sometimes, you know, it's just nice to have a movie that comes in, gives you what you want, hour and a half, and leaves. Everything was fun. Everything was simple. Yes, you know, they could have told a more complex story if they wanted to. Would it have worked? I don't know, man. It's Mario. Mario himself is like, not that complex when you get down to it, right? Like, it's supposed to be a movie for kids.
Spencer (01:17:28.101)
And it's a kids movie.
Luciano (01:17:30.706)
Not just that, the game's never intended to have a really deep story or anything, right?
Matt (01:17:37.438)
No, they're stories and things happen, but so it's fun. I enjoyed it. When you have to place it against other movies, it's not a movie, it's a movie I watch again, but it's not a movie that I'm like, oh, it was amazing. It was fun. Is it a good movie? Is it a movie that makes me think or is provocative or makes me feel awesome? And no, but that's okay, it doesn't have to be. So for me, it's a B, it's a solid B. It's a great movie I'd watch again, and that's perfectly fine.
Luciano (01:17:57.522)
You
Matt (01:18:07.222)
Have a good time.
Spencer (01:18:09.512)
What's your score?
Chris (01:18:09.907)
you guys.
Luciano (01:18:12.274)
He said it, it's B. Have you listened to this podcast?
Matt (01:18:12.762)
It's a B, you ignorant.
Chris (01:18:13.255)
He said B.
Spencer (01:18:13.564)
Oh, sorry, I thought you were saying be like, it'll be pretty good.
Chris (01:18:16.086)
Hehehehe
Chris (01:18:21.97)
Okay, so do you guys wonder, do you guys wonder, there's a list of 10 actors who should've voiced Mario instead of Chris Pratt? Do you wanna hear that? No problem.
Matt (01:18:22.23)
Go!
Spencer (01:18:22.612)
Hehehehe
Matt (01:18:29.722)
No, because you're stealing our thunder from the critics conversation. Give me one Chris, give me one other voice instead of Chris Pratt.
Chris (01:18:34.178)
Go on. Go on, sorry.
Luciano (01:18:34.93)
Okay.
Spencer (01:18:39.132)
Martinet.
Chris (01:18:40.546)
Um, that was, there was a list of 10. Martinet was number one. Yeah.
Luciano (01:18:41.714)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:18:44.373)
Have it.
Luciano (01:18:44.594)
Of course.
Matt (01:18:45.086)
That's wrong. That is actually wrong and I'll tell you why. Charles Martinet's voice is the most racist thing that has ever existed. The Italians care. As someone who's married to an Italian, yeah. No, but it is, like, it's bad.
Spencer (01:18:47.232)
because it would get grading.
Luciano (01:18:53.106)
But it's against Italians, nobody cares.
Spencer (01:18:58.068)
Do they?
Luciano (01:18:58.29)
As someone with an Italian name, I can say I don't care.
Spencer (01:19:01.488)
I've never heard anyone... Is she offended by it?
Luciano (01:19:09.33)
It's not, it's not a good like look. I agree.
Matt (01:19:12.242)
It's not even in Italian. Charles Perret is not Italian.
Luciano (01:19:15.57)
True.
Spencer (01:19:15.885)
But it's so iconic now that it's not even in racist Italian, it's just Mario's voice.
Matt (01:19:19.95)
Hmm, okay.
Luciano (01:19:22.162)
It's New York Italian, right? It's a spice and meatball, right?
Matt (01:19:26.091)
It's no, I mean, anyways, it's fine. Yeah, if you think, no, I disagree, but I think that's why they didn't pick him because it.
Spencer (01:19:32.468)
So what's a pick that's not Martinet?
Luciano (01:19:39.986)
Joe Pesci.
Spencer (01:19:41.78)
Joe Pesci is pretty good actually.
Chris (01:19:42.656)
Is that okay? Okay. Number 10 was John Leguizamo, 9 Oscar Isaac, 8 Diego Luna, 7 Seth McFarlane, 6 Hank Azaria, 5 Nicolas Cage, 4 Bobby Cannavale, 3 Pedro Crescal, 2 Mark Hamill and 1 Martin H.
Luciano (01:19:46.642)
No. What?
Spencer (01:19:59.538)
Mark Hamill.
Luciano (01:19:59.986)
Wait, none of that makes sense except for maybe Henca's area.
Matt (01:20:03.666)
Actually, Bobby Canna Valley would be fun.
Luciano (01:20:06.61)
Okay fair fair, but
Spencer (01:20:07.55)
I also think Leguizamo would work because he has like a New York accent.
Matt (01:20:10.75)
Yes. Yeah, those guys are fun. And that doesn't seem forced and, like, over-the-top stereotyped. Because it's like the...
Luciano (01:20:12.562)
Oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah.
Spencer (01:20:17.288)
Where's Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Luciano (01:20:20.306)
Oh, can you imagine?
Chris (01:20:20.365)
Ha ha!
Spencer (01:20:22.027)
It's me, Mario!
Matt (01:20:22.762)
Perfect, sign them up.
Chris (01:20:24.002)
Princess Luigi! Bowser! Get to, get to, get to the blue shell! Donkey Kong!
Luciano (01:20:24.402)
The princess! No! Run! Bowser, yeah. Oh, imagine... Imagine... Imagine the amount of ham we would get of him saying Bowser! It would be amazing. Yeah.
Spencer (01:20:28.072)
Oh, you're a clown!
Spencer (01:20:37.768)
Bowser! You did it you monster! You turtle back monster! Turn you into soup!
Matt (01:20:40.16)
Anyways...
Chris (01:20:40.622)
Mm-hmm. Son of a bitch!
Luciano (01:20:48.466)
Uhhh...
Chris (01:20:48.961)
Yeah... You think you can hurt me with your little, with your small, girly turtle arms?
Matt (01:20:52.137)
He wasn't... this is why I didn't want to do the list and he wasn't even on it.
Chris (01:20:57.215)
Exactly.
Spencer (01:20:57.378)
Wait a little baby man, he doesn't want to hit the list.
Luciano (01:21:00.466)
Hey, let me just say this Matt, at least nobody mentioned Gilbert Gottfried.
Chris (01:21:01.49)
I'm going to pump you up!
Matt (01:21:06.103)
Oh my god, nice work.
Spencer (01:21:07.612)
It's me, Mario.
Matt (01:21:10.548)
Ha ha.
Chris (01:21:11.086)
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Luciano (01:21:11.25)
What do you want?
Matt (01:21:14.37)
Can I get one more BC fact please?
Spencer (01:21:19.652)
Oh, yeah, I forgot I'm making them up. Did you?
Matt (01:21:20.714)
You're making them up, I don't know why.
Luciano (01:21:21.01)
He's looking at, he's fucking looking at his iPhone! Ha ha!
Chris (01:21:22.51)
Hahaha! Save me, device!
Spencer (01:21:24.628)
Did you?
Did you know that the Beastie Boys are allergic to shellfish?
Luciano (01:21:31.826)
So they couldn't be in this movie.
Matt (01:21:32.232)
Wow, I didn't know that.
Spencer (01:21:35.898)
Oh, Luciano.
Luciano (01:21:37.17)
Ahaha! Sorry, not sorry.
Matt (01:21:40.118)
So if you've decided that you still want to listen to this podcast, which I don't know why you would have, I want you to know that next week we're going to step two of our Facts 2023 movie review. And step two is action, as we all know. And we are cleaning up everyone's back catalog by watching John Wick 4. The final...
Spencer (01:21:55.316)
Hoot hoot!
Luciano (01:22:02.994)
EEEE EEEEE
Spencer (01:22:03.584)
John fucking Wick 4
Matt (01:22:07.595)
installment of the John Wick saga.
Luciano (01:22:09.362)
Buh-bye-ah!
Matt (01:22:12.334)
Um, yeah.
Spencer (01:22:12.736)
Pencil. He killed a guy with a pencil. I'm Christopher Lampert. Why do you always announce yourself when you're in character? I'm Christopher Lampert and I am afraid of John Wick. Because of his pencil.
Chris (01:22:16.814)
Christopher Lambert was in the John Wick?
Matt (01:22:19.14)
Yeah.
Matt (01:22:22.815)
Hahaha
Luciano (01:22:23.058)
Hahaha!
Chris (01:22:23.783)
I'm sorry.
Luciano (01:22:34.834)
Why? Why? Why do all your impressions ends up morphine to something else?
Spencer (01:22:39.08)
Hehehehe
Chris (01:22:40.654)
Christopher Lambert, do you subscribe to the Hair Club for Men?
Spencer (01:22:43.92)
My hair is 100% natural. I grow it on my head, through my pores.
Luciano (01:22:47.474)
Hahaha.
Matt (01:22:51.094)
Anyways, this is gonna go on for a while, so I'm just gonna take this out, but you know, Christopher Lambert, don't stop talking. You just say what you need to say.
Spencer (01:22:57.004)
My hair is the silk of horse skin.
Luciano (01:23:01.938)
Horskin? What is horoskin?
Chris (01:23:02.156)
What do you put in it? How do you clean it?
Spencer (01:23:04.816)
I clean my hair with car oil.
Chris (01:23:09.602)
for it.