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“Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz” is a series about the everyday holy work of raising children with heart, patience, and honesty. Join Rav Shlomo in learning from the sefer Da Et Yeladecha by Rav Itamar Shwartz, author of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, and explore how Torah and Chazal guide us in building a healthy, loving connection between parent and child.
This isn’t about perfect techniques or quick fixes. It’s about creating a foundation of truth, learning to really listen, and finding the right “funnel” so that what we want to give actually reaches our children. Each shiur is meant to be practical, gentle, and encouraging, and something you can take home and live with.
Good morning everybody, the month of Kislev is sponsored by the Gantavnik family in honor of Leana's bat mitzvah and their chai anniversary, by the Aaron family in leilui nishmas Levi ben Yosef, for the refuah of שושנה יונה בת אדו and Hila bat Ilana, by the Silver family in memory of בתיה פייגא בת ישראל, by the Finns for the refuah v'hatzlacha for all of our chayalim, for the refuah shleima of those that were injured, דוד נתנאל בן איילה האהובה, צבי דוד בן תמר, רועי חיים בן מירב, אחיה בן יעל חיה, and טוב שמואל בן אביה נאוה, and by Raziel and Leah Hershkowitz in memory of Raziel's grandfather, שלמה לייב בן רפאל גדליה. The week is sponsored by Lisa in honor of Ike's birthday. Happy birthday. And anonymously for the limud Torah this week.
Do you mind just closing that door over there? Thank you so much. Okay, let's get right to it. We have a we have a very very interesting shiur today. It will, I'm already letting you know this was going to be triggering all morning.
Okay? This is this is a trigger. This one is like a you'll see what you'll see what I'm talking about. To recap very briefly what we have been doing. We've been discussing the inyan of having both a very healthy parental child relationship, that you're the parent, your kid's the child, as well as chaverut v'yedidut, as well as friendship with our children.
We've been speaking about that the last two times we've been learning. How it how it kind of like how it finds the right balance and how it how sometimes not understanding that correctly could also lead to a great deal of confusion as well. And we've been having all these different examples. And it's brought up a lot, and I've been really enjoying listening to to many of you after the shiur trying to like trying to piece all the pieces together.
Lo pashut, it's not a simple thing. The last thing we worked we worked on was that the mitzvah of v'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha, your children are included in that mitzvah, which was a we don't necessarily take our children into that mitzvah, but our children are included in that mitzvah as well. That's fascinating. Fascinating things.
Today we are going to see the pnimius of the concept of how there could be any level of expectation for the mitzvah of v'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha to really be implemented between parents and children. I was told this in different words by someone, by a dear friend of mine, Dr. Cliff Bachton, many years ago. And when he, and you'll see why it's so triggering today because this is not necessarily about us and our children, it's also about us and our parents, whether they're in this world or not in this world. There's a lot going on over here.
So if you see the top of the page tet vav, you see the top of it, page tet vav on the top, the sikum of everything we said until now.
סיכומם של דברים הוא, שהקשר בין ההורים לילדיהם חייב להיות מבוסס על שני ממדים, like we said. The connection between parents and children must be multi-dimensional.
מצד אחד חובה שתהיה בבית היררכיה ברורה, a clear hierarchy.
שהילדים יבינו כי הקובע הבלעדי בבית הם ההורים. The children must know and understand the only ones that officially call the shots are the parents.
ורק באמצעות כך ניתן ליצור משמעת בבית. This is the only way of bringing out some a form of discipline.
U'b'makbil l'kach, but on the same in the same breath, חובה שתהיה ידידות בין ההורים לילדים ובין הילדים לבין עצמם, there must be friendship between parents and children, between children and their parents.
דבר שיוצר אווירה בבית של ואהבת לרעך כמוך שכל בני הבית הם ידידים ורעים. Kind of like the, what were they called, the Von Trapps? Right? Von Trapp? Von Trapps, yeah. You know, everyone's, oh, Simcha Day Camp, you know.
But here, this is mamash something, this is pnimius. So whenever we use that word pnimius, like if there was ever a a moment that it would be shayach for this series to say that word, it's definitely, definitely today. I know that there's the hierarchy and there's the discipline that's that's clear. Most of us grew up much more with that, whether it was the way what we received and what we've given to our children.
This world of chaverut v'yedidut is something that has is less focused on, definitely in the world of of Jewish history is not something that has one of the yesodot of chinuch in the home, but that also is something that we cannot ignore anymore. It's very clear. But the pnimius of it, the inside of it, this is what, this is what it's really all about. So look how he, Rav Schwartz now takes us on a very, very interesting journey.
You're going to have a lot of questions. I'm just asking to refrain from them unless it's like mamish something you don't understand. Okay, you'll see what I mean. Achen tfisa zo, this perception is murkevet.
This is complicated. This is a complicated thing.
היא ודאי קשה ליישום מיידי בחיי היום יום. It's very hard to implement this in our day-to-day lives.
אולם כאשר נעמיק ונבין את הרקע הפנימי של תפיסה זו יקל עלינו במעט. But if we go deeper and we understand the inner story of what's going on over here, it'll make it easier for us. K'yadua mehasfarim hakdoshim, and when he says here sfarim hakdoshim, he's referring mainly to the books rooted deep in Kabbalah and Chasidus.
אין זו הפעם הראשונה שהנשמות של כולנו בדורות הללו ירדו לעולם הזה.
So a little bit of background. Our souls, there is rarely, rarely is there a concept that a brand new soul is coming down to the world today. We're all here to finish, you know, to complete unfinished business from previous times that we've been down here, and that's why to finish the job here and never have to come back down here would be a really good thing for everyone. Like the Gemara tells us that Chazal came to the conclusion, נוח לו לאדם שלא נברא, it's much more better for the for the person to not have even been created in the first place, but since he's already created, may he may he figure out why he's here and get to work.
But our neshamos, he's saying over here, this is not the first time you and I are in this world. It doesn't mean that you'll be able to, I mean, maybe, I mean, you probably know exactly each gilgul, but most people don't exactly know, you know, exactly what each gilgul of theirs was and what they had to go through, where they what they were at, what their tikunim were. But we have to work off the premise that this is not the first time. It is hopefully the last time we're down here, b'ezras Hashem, but it's not the first time.
So having taking that into account, we have to continue the rest of this shiur.
וכל נשמה כבר הייתה בעולם הזה יותר מפעם אחת ואף יותר מפעמיים. Each soul, us, you and I, we've been in this world at least once, maybe even twice. V'ata nitbonen.
Now, taking that into account, let's ask the following question.
האם בכל הפעמים שהיינו בעולם, from all the times we were in this world, ילדינו הם אותם ילדים שהיו לנו בגלגולים הקודמים? Are our children the same children we had in previous reincarnations? What do you think without looking ahead? Of course not. It doesn't work like that. Gilgulim is not I'm married to the same person, we show up again, it's the same children, we're trying to fix it now.
It doesn't, that's not what it is. It is barur, it's not, that's not the story. It is absolutely not the story that those people, the people that were your children in a previous gilgul and the person you were a child to in a previous gilgul, it's not the same thing, that it's the same family makeup. This is clear by all the sfarim hakdoshim that that delve, you know, the Arizal was very, very, very, he dealt with this extensively in Shaar Hagilgulim, the Arizal hakadosh, Rabbi Yitzchak Luria.
And so many of the other works speak a lot about this. But the simple answer is, absolutely not.
בוודאי שהתשובה הברורה לכך היא בוודאי שלא.
כפי שמובאים כמה מעשיות בספרים הקדושים v'hayu kol minei stories.
שלפעמים אף הייתה התהפכות גמורה, that sometimes there was actually the complete opposite. L'mashal, אותם נשמות שהיו בגלגול אחד רב ותלמיד, בגלגול הבא התלמיד הפך לרב והרב הפך לתלמיד. We have stories like this. Rabbis and students, in a previous reincarnation, it was flipped over and the student was the rav and the rav was the student.
Kmo chein, יתכן שבגלגול הזה יש אבא ובן שבגלגול הקודם מצבם היה הפוך. This could also be that your child, and this is going to sound pretty out there, but in the realm of what do we know, it could be that your child was your father or your mother in a previous reincarnation, and you were their child. It could be, nachon? We're not saying it is. And I have to preface, that's why I'm saying in the...
beginning of the shiur, this is going to be triggering because I don't want you now to look at, look at your girl and be like, Mommy? This is all begeder ha'efshar. This is all in the realm of it could very well be. We don't know these things. It could be our parents were much younger, we played a completely different role in our lives in the parental or child relationship in a previous gilgul that is completely different than what we're what we have to do today.
Now, he adds here in the brackets, it's very important, כמובן שאין כוונת הדברים שעקב כך האבא צריך לחשוש שמא עקב כך הוא צריך לשמוע בקול בנו. This does not mean, okay, let me go home and listen to what my child is is wants and telling me to do. That's not what we're talking about. So just have to make it very clear.
So what do we learn from such a notion of truth? What what what is there to learn from this? From this statement?
מהי המסקנה אותה עלינו ללמוד מכך? What are we supposed to be learning from this? Okay, so now focus in really, really deep over here.
ישנה תפיסה של גוף וישנה תפיסה של נשמה. Tfisah means perception. There's a perception of a body and there's a perception of a soul.
בתפיסה של הגוף, in the perception of the body, אכן היחס הוא שאנחנו ההורים והם הילדים. Right? Body wise, like physically, we're the parents, they're the children. Habayit sheyach lanu, the house is under our name. ha'achnasah sheyechet lanu, income has is is ours.
hakol be'vaaluteinu. It's all under our, meaning the parent's, ownership. That's all true on a level, in the perception of guf.
אבל, אולם, however, בממד הפנימי כל הורה צריך לחשוב.
He wants us to entertain this following thought.
לי יש נשמה ולילדי יש נשמה. I have a soul, my child has a soul.
האם בהכרח שהנשמה שלי כהורה גבוהה יותר מהנשמה של ילדיי? So does that necessarily mean, it's very deep, that my neshamah is greater than my child's neshamah? And if it doesn't, then what does that mean? Right? If it doesn't.
Baruch Hashem. I think that many of us look at our children, and even though we know I have responsibility, some of us look at our children and be like, these neshamos are, I don't know what the stock where their stock is, where it's coming from. It's like, they're coming from a place so high, so elated, and their neshamos are so much greater. I I grew up in a house like that, you know, my parents, my father specifically would emphasize this all the time.
Sometimes it even messed us up at a certain age when you because, you know, my father would always tell me, since I I don't know from what age, like it's something that's rooted in me, would always say like, not put me on a pedestal, but would speak about the neshamah. On a neshamah level, he was very, very, very aware of this, naturally. Naturally. He didn't learn this in cheder.
He didn't learn this by a rav or by a rebbe or by a teacher. My father learned everything on his own. Everything. So, what do we do with this is the question.
Right? How what what how is this going to affect anything about what we're learning here? But even more than that, affect the home itself. That's what we want to know. If you could embrace the possibility that your child's neshamah is much greater than yours, whatever that whatever that means also. Because I don't know what that mean like I don't, we could start delving into that saying, how do you how do you measure neshamos, you know? That's a how do you size up neshamos? But when you learn Chassidus, you actually see these things are addressed.
Anyone that's learned the Tanya inside sees the Alter Rebbe speaks about these things clearly. Clearly. It's a whole buildup what the Alter Rebbe does with the concept of certain neshamos that are coming from a much higher and elated place as opposed to others and many of it, and has a lot of factors how how, and it's not for now, how these things take place. So again, האם בהכרח שהנשמה שלי כהורה גבוהה יותר מהנשמה של ילדי? When the fourth line in the last paragraph, does this mean that my neshamah as a parent is greater than the neshamah of my children?
כמובן שהתשובה לכך היא שלילית.
Of course the answer is no. Sheharei heitah.
שהרי ייתכן, ואף פעמים רבות המציאות מורה כך. because sometimes the reality shows me this clearly, my experience of reality shows me this clearly, שנשמת האב והאם נמוכה יותר מנשמת ילדיהם.
Sometimes you have this, that the soul of children is much greater than the souls of their parents.
ואף אם נניח שאינה נמוכה יותר, יתכן שהיא שווה. Forget about saying it's lower, maybe they're equal.
ואף יתכן שהיא למטה מנשמת ההורים.
And it could be also that they're, it's smaller than the neshama of the parents.
כל שלוש האפשרויות קיימות. Any one of these three options is possible. So, just to pause for a second.
Does that threaten anybody so far? If you'd be, honestly? Was what we learned right now threatening at all? I hope not. But it'd be okay to say if it did. That's what I want to just point out in in these shiurim. Why would it make sense if you would be threatened by such a possibility of truth? I would be threatened by it totally.
Because then my question would be, so how do I, how do I relate? If I'm standing in front of him, such a great neshama. And then I know I have to discipline, and I have to sometimes come out with some things that are hard, that are difficult. What do I do with this aspect of the grandiose neshama that's in front of me? Yeah. My question is, if we're talking about this beautiful funnel, well, it's, can I pour what I have into into that funnel if that kli is greater? Or maybe I'm going to strengthen your question.
Would my, would me, do I have anything to offer to give? Well, you have on the guf level, you'll always have something to give, because that's the way Hashem set you up in this gilgul to be a parent that has to provide. Yeah. But maybe on a soul level the question is, what could I possibly... is there be'emet?
האם יש משהו שאני יכול לשים שמה? Well there must be if he got us all put together.
Yeah. Well, there must be is on the guf level, right? No, on the neshama level there must be? Hashem. I mean, what is it, I didn't choose the neshama to give birth to, right? That's also a question. I'm not getting into that one.
That's a far out whole other, whole other concept, but I hear. I hear. yachol lihiyot. Let's see.
Let's see what he says. Yes. Don't we have this idea though that that the child's neshama chooses the parent? It's an idea. Yeah.
It's not... It's an idea. Not Torah MiSinai, I mean, I never saw it written anywhere in the in the psukim. But I've, listen, I mean, it's just I've said that 50 times at least under chuppas what you said.
I'm not I'm not... It's a tremendous... it's a bedieved. Of course we have this concept.
But על פי פשט של הדברים, it's intense. Yeah. I thought that was the sign of geulah though, that the children will be higher than the parents, both in terms of, I guess, neshama level, but also in terms of knowledge and... that's what I was told.
For example, the whole baal teshuva movement and how the children brought their parents back and everything, that this just, I think, kind of strengthens that, but... That's based on the pasuk from Malachi, והשיב לב אבות על בנים ולב בנים על אבותם. That's one of the interpretations for that pasuk of the signs of Mashiach. It's exactly what you're saying, nachon.
Still, it still leaves us with the question though, okay, so l'maaseh, I'm still a parent at home, what do I do with this, even if it's true? I mean, not even if it's true, it is true. But look, I mean, look at the world today. Just in this room, I know based on conversations I've had with many of your parents over the years that they feel exactly what we just said right now. They feel exactly what we just said right now.
So, yesh po inyan. We have to delve deeper into this because this will open up a whole gate, a whole new approach towards just looking at our children in a different way and thus then bringing out something and also, not just that, also internalizing a deeper understanding of our relationship with our parents, whether they're in this world or they're not in this world. It's a very, very interesting thing. So in the bottom, bottom...
Does this delve into the concept of self-esteem? If you think about neshamos in their greatness and obviously as a parent you want to instill that you, you want to build your child's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. And as a parent, if you don't have a good sense of that, that you're also worth it and that you might get into that trap of feeling, what do I have to give to this? You have to have it for both sides. Nachon. So, I think that it's a definitely a natural...
outcome of this introspection. He doesn't approach it head on in this perek. He has a whole book that that actually, it's called da'at atzmecha. This is da'at yeladecha, he also has da'at atzmecha, da'at nafshecha.
We have a long baruch Hashem, we have many years. B'ezrat Hashem, we should have many years to keep on learning. Okay, bottom, so the bottom bottom over here, למותר להדגיש שלצורך כל ההלכות שנוגעות לעניין היחס בין הורים לילדים. Okay, so he's saying, hold on, regarding all the halachas regarding how parents and children have to interact, יש להתנהג כפי התפיסה של הגוף.
Why? Because what could happen? He says, what's the first thing he says?
הן לעניין ירושה. Because, you know, you'll you'll you'll come up with this like, yerusha is inheritance. The one before. Tefisa? Tefisa, perception, perception of the body.
You you have to act just from the perception of body, of guf.
הן לעניין ירושה הן לעניין קרבה והן לעניין כיבוד אב ואם. You know, there are a lot of halachos. There are a lot of halachos that have to do with family stuff, with parents and children inheritance and kibud horim.
You can't walk out of of this learning and be like, I'm really going to go with the neshama perception. I mean, that really just fits better. And then, like you have all these things of like kibud horim and this and then like, you tell your children, listen, the truth is, I think to really fulfill the mitzvah, I need to start with honoring and respecting you, my eight or 18 or 28 or 48 year old or 58, you know what I mean? No, no, no, no, no. When it comes to the halachos, the halachos are here in this world, of guf.
So he wants to make sure that no one comes to that conclusion.
אדם שחי עם תפיסה פנימית יותר, a person that lives with a deeper perception of life, ומתרגל לחשוב שיש חלוקה ברורה בין תפיסה של גוף לתפיסה של נשמה, and becomes accustomed to to to live and to think about the clear distinction between the perception of body and the perception of soul, הרי שהמבט והיחס שלו כלפי הילדים צריך להיות אף בהסתכלות של נשמות. Then, and this is where this is the avodah. Big big avodah here.
Then you have to start, you have to be accustomed to looking at your children like they're souls, like they're neshamas. And not just be tuned into that when it's 1:00 AM and you're looking at pictures of them on your phone. Oh, what a neshama that. No, it's also at 3:00 PM, at 5:00, at bedtime, at can we imagine looking at our children as neshamas, trying to get them to bedtime and wake up, right? That's the that's the chap.
That's the now that doesn't mean they're just, that doesn't mean, okay, so it's just a neshama thingy and would you would you like me to please, you know, what's what's a good example for like just neshama at bedtime? I don't know, you could think of it. Lo yodea. Or or at wake up. Imagine I wake up my daughter, my my nine-year-old daughter and I say to her, sweetie, my my hands are are waiting right now to to have the amazing privilege of lifting your head up gently and then figuring out a way that that peacefully everything could transition amazing for you to to to feel extraordinary this morning.
No, it's it's you need to get up right now, right? You need you need to wake up right now. That that's guf. You need to wake up right now. The neshama doesn't need to wake up.
The neshama doesn't go to sleep. The neshama's chai vekayam. Yeah. No, I find the neshama actually fresher because, you know, getting your teenage boy to go to minyan to have his neshama connect to Hashem's neshama like, what a battle.
Yes. He's been going. You know the last thing boys that are told to get up for minyan feel? Neshama. Neshama.
Exactly. Yeah, and they're very normal, healthy boy. Like that's very normal. There's nothing wrong that any of you did if your children, your boys, don't feel this this fire to wake.
[Error processing chunk 6] [Error processing chunk 7] [Error processing chunk 8] צריכים להיות במקביל לסמכות ההורים. The friendship has to always work in harmony and in unison with authority. And all he is trying to do in this chapter is to help us be able to hold both at the same time. That's why he keeps on going back and forth with focusing on the fact that they're neshamos, but then saying, but don't lose sight of the fact that they are neshamos that are in bodies because when this happens, when this when this harmony takes place, then your child will have a much better chance of not having to come back to this world again.
And also you, by the way. You and your child. Even if you didn't get that from home. Even if you didn't get what you're giving to your child right now, that you yourself didn't get that from home, והשיב לב אבות על בנים ולב בנים על אבותם.
Somehow when it says the children come and and and fix their parents, it it doesn't mean that they correct their mistakes. It means that the gates that they opened up for their parents are the ones that they they really their parents needed their parents to do for them, but they never got to it. And we can go now on this backwards trauma cycle and all these mishigasas and we all know what the story is with that. It never ends.
You know, once you I don't know what age it happens to end to us. It happens I don't know, usually after you have your first child where you start to go through the blame game on your parents. And then you realize, wait a second, they went through the same exact thing when they were in their 20s or 30s, just a different scenario and then but wait a second, maybe my great grandparents also went through this with their own parents. So these things don't help us.
They don't get they don't get us anywhere. It's all a cycle. It happens because it's a natural evolution of a person that goes through this world with newfound responsibilities, wishing they had better education or whatever they thought that was lacking that which would fix the current moment. But it's just a cycle and it never leads us anywhere.
But the the the most beautiful thing would be is that to be, to say like, masha haya, אין לי שום שליטה עליו. I have no control over God knows how many cycles. I barely have control over the one that I have that that's in front of me right now. But I know that the best way to approach this right now is by looking at my children as neshamos while I take care of them.
And this helps me, he says, fulfill the mitzvah of ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha. And it helps me instill within my children the soundtrack I do want them to live with and grow up with in this world. So the bottom paragraph. We're ending with this paragraph.
כאשר מתבוננים, מבחינים שהיסוד דלעיל אינו מחודש כלל. He says when we when you look at everything we said, there's no chidush here.
שהרי יש על כך ציווי מפורש בתורה שנפסק להלכה, ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha.
כמובן שילדינו אף הם בכלל רעך.
Our children fall into the category of re'echa.
ואף שרבים אינם מורגלים לחשוב כך, and even though maybe if you brought this up at your next five Shabbos tables with people that aren't in this shiur, they'll say you really are starting to lose your mind officially right now. This is you this is zehu, zeh, this is, you've lost it. You've drunk the full pitcher of Kool-Aid.
Now it's it's too late. He says, ואף שרבים אינם מורגלים לחשוב כך.
אולם בהתבוננות קלה נבין כי אין כל סיבה לחשוב שילדינו אינם נכללים בציווי של ואהבת לרעך כמוך שהוא כלל גדול בתורה. You'll come to the realization that there's no way that our children don't fall under the category of the commandment of ve'ahavta lere'acha kamocha.
There's no way. Because if so, the Torah should have said, ואהבת לרעך כמוך ותזכרו שהילדים הם לא החברים שלך. Right?
וכשם שיש לקיימו בין אדם לחברו, so so the same way you have to have this mitzvah apparent in your life when it comes to you and your friend, that with your friends you have to also see them as neshamos. That's not as important as seeing your children as neshamos.
כך יש ליישמו בין אדם לבניו. So too, this must be implemented between a person and their children. So, there's there's a lot we could do with this, okay? There's a lot, a lot we could do with this. I do think that the name of the sefer just came to life through this today's learning.
Because the name of the sefer is Da et yeladecha. When you think of that just from the outside, you think that means learn all the traits you need in order to psychologically and analyze their behavior. Now, there's also a lot. daat.
In that department because that falls under guf. There is. But da in Kabbalistic terminology is always daat is coming from the higher high especially Rebbi Nachman would say the word da. When he'd open up a teaching and he would say da, the masoret in Breslov is that he always used to start channeling from Olam Ha'atzilus, the highest world.
Whatever that means. But it just means when he said da he was like, okay chevreh. This is coming down from the highest of the high. So da et yeladecha, da et yeladecha.
If I'd say that in the context of today's shiur, it's so clear that the concept of soul is something that it's impossible for me to ever determine who they were, what they were. But it's also impossible and wrong for me to say that they were my children in a previous gilgul and I didn't do a good enough job then, and now I'm going to do a better job of discipline. That's lo yachol l'hiyot that that's the that that's the name of the game over here. So we have to step out of the shoes of the discipline shoes for just a just a second and be like, Ribono Shel Olam, please, please enlighten my heart especially in times where it feels most foreign or most unwanted, to realize that you've you've basically sent me the the the zechus, even if it's very, very hard and challenging, to take care of some of your flock, of your neshamos that are coming from Kisei HaKavod, that are coming from the highest place in the world.
And to start the to start the tefillos over our children like that, as opposed to all the the way that many people unfortunately are still stuck with the framework of davening over their children, which to them may think that they may think it's very, very holy and that if the child only knew how much I daven that they don't get into trouble, and the kid's sitting there saying, do you really think that that's what I need my parent to daven for, for me? Do you really can you can't you see me? Can't you see what I what what what what what I'm really waiting for you to daven for? Mom and Dad, Ima v'Abba, I would do anything in the world if you just looked at me for a little bit, for a few minutes a day, like a neshama that's trying to figure it out in this world, without always having to give me the answers of how things work, but just to look at me like a soul, and experience our relationship like two souls. Don't worry, it's not going to change the role, it's not role changing. It won't be role changing, it won't start to flip things over. We got we know we have enough healthy of a healthy background and a concrete background of a relationship.
But I'm telling you if we could x-ray our children's neshamos, like we said probably about a month ago, we would see that the child really is crying when it when it when it looks like it's rebelling, or it looks like it's not listening. All it's really doing is saying that it cannot be that I'm going to go through this gilgul with a parent that will have will only remember that I'm a soul when we're very far from each other and they get nostalgic. Have a wonderful week everybody. Have a happy week, have a You want to say something? Wait one second, one second.
Do you want to say something? Just one thing that I think that makes it easier for me to relate to is, I understand the neshama also as our children's personality. And that's here to stay. And we're not trying to fix our children's personality. And that and when you look at it in that respect, then suddenly you could see them as the person that Hashem made them, the neshama that Hashem sent for you to be the gift that was given to you.
And then and then instead of trying to fix our kids, which is exactly what we're not supposed to, that's now exactly what we're not supposed to be davening over. It's just different words, but we're not supposed to be fixing them. We're supposed to be helping them be the best them that they can be. Nachon.
Especially when they are nothing like like us or exactly or exactly like us. It it's either, it's either way. You know, there's a Torah we say on this like the the the this the ability to do what Ilana is saying, you have to have chein eyes, b'cheint eyes to, you know, to to to be able to see chein in your children, that when your children see you, they see chein. Like that's the ultimate we learned this.
We learned this because that what what you just described keeps the kiyum of the world. How do we know this? And we'll just end with this because the end of the first parsha in the Torah, it's a vort we've said many times. The end of the first parsha in the Torah, the last the last five or six pesukim are horrible, then there's a pasuk that saves everything. The pesukim are saying that Hashem looked at what he created, he looked at the child, let's just do it for our analogy, right? [Error processing chunk 11]