Nurturing Disciples at Home with Shadlee Friesen

In this inspiring episode of “On Raising Her Faith,” join us as we dive into the heart of motherhood and discipleship with Shadlee Friesen, a seasoned mother and pastor’s wife. With insights drawn from Deuteronomy 6, Shadlee shares the profound impact of living out the Great Commission within the walls of our homes. From discussing how small, proactive steps can lead to significant spiritual growth in our children to exploring the concept of discipleship as a daily, intentional act of love, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for any mother striving to weave faith into the fabric of family life. Whether you’re a new mom or have been on this journey for years, you’ll discover actionable tips on integrating spiritual habits and creating a legacy of faith that stands the test of time. Tune in to redefine success through the lens of faith and learn why the most profound impact you can make may just start within your own home.

Creators & Guests

Host

Jalene Cabrales

What is Raising Her Faith- A Motherhood Podcast?

We see you mama! You are juggling the complete chaos of motherhood, while spirituality leading your children…between everything else on your plate!

On Raising Her Faith, we desire to walk alongside you in life and motherhood. Together, we will explore God’s guidance for mothers in variety of seasons and circumstances. We focus on supporting you as you raise fully devoted disciples of Jesus Christ, and we share that mission just the same.

Mamas, while our calling may be to our children, we have a responsibility to cultivate our own faith. On Raising Her Faith, we talk about raising our kids in faith but also raising our own faith. We seek to grasp and understand God’s heart for women, mothers and children. Because a faith-inspired mama raises faith-filled children!

Jalene: My kiddo recently, she's almost 13 and she asked me, it must have been a school project or something, what my wish would be for her future. And I know she was thinking in terms of, Oh, I want you to be successful, or I want you to have this kind of job. I want you to have this kind of house or this kind of family, get married, all of these things that, um, could be quote unquote success.

Jalene: But my answer to her was that, you know, and follow Jesus. That is the definition of success right there. And I think it stunned her, right? Like. Not maybe the definition of success in her terms, but as mothers Could there really be anything sweeter?

Jalene: In the fifth of motherhood, one of the most important things to know is that you are seen and not alone. And it's really easy to fall into the feeling that you're invisible or even irrelevant. We see you, Mama. You are juggling the complete chaos of motherhood while spiritually leading your children between everything else that's on your plate.

Jalene: On Raising Her Faith, we desire to walk alongside you in life and motherhood. And today we are talking about raising fully devoted disciples of Jesus and just how relevant. Mama really is. So I'd like to introduce you to Shadley Friesen. Shadley, tell our crew a little bit about you, your motherhood journey, your walk, your life, your walk with the Lord, all of those things.

Shadlee: Okay. Good morning. I am a mother of four. My husband is a pastor. Um, we've been married for 35 years. I have to do the math. It will be 30. Yes. 35 years. Um, we, uh, our children, were spread out. We had two after five years of marriage that are two years apart. Then, uh, a five year gap and surprise. And, and then another five year gap and surprise again.

Shadlee: And the second surprise, of course, was embraced much more readily than the first surprise, you know, because it's like, That was so good. I'm so glad we had, um, our third, this is going to be awesome. Even though I was 41 years old. So, so I'm a, I have been a young mom and an old mom of a young children.

Jalene: And

Shadlee: so, yeah, when, when the youngest was born and, uh, We would, I would go to the school.

Shadlee: I had to make all new friends. Oh, absolutely. Two different times. So just get in there and make friends. Anyhow, but I, I came into those, those, uh, friendships with the younger moms with experience and, and, It was a beautiful thing. It was a instant relationship with moms because it's like, Oh, Shadley, you've been there before.

Shadlee: What did you do when this happened? It's like, what did you do? Why

Jalene: did you do it? How can I do it too? Yeah, exactly.

Shadlee: And what did, what did I do that I shouldn't have done? You know, you learn from all the things. Yeah, absolutely. None of us do it right.

Jalene: First time around or the second or the third. I'm so grateful for grace.

Jalene: Yes. Awesome. Well, thank you. So excited to have you. We're just going to jump right into conversation today with reading from Deuteronomy chapter six. So the Bible gives us direction, um, for how to obey God and how to prosper and how to direct that into our homes. So I'm going to start in chapter six, verse four.

Jalene: This is the New Living Translation. Sometimes it's a little bit easier to understand. So it breaks it down a little bit. So it starts with, listen, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I'm giving you today.

Jalene: Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you're on the road and when you're going to bed and when you're getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. And that ending is in verse 9.

Jalene: So Shadley, Big set of verses. Let's break it down. What do you feel like is really the meat of this passage from Deuteronomy?

Shadlee: Well, I was, I was rereading the verses and, um, I looked at my Bible and I actually started in verse one and, and it was like, understand who God is. Fear the Lord. And then it says, obey his commands.

Shadlee: They come with a promise. And the promise is enjoy a long life. Or, and it said, it will go well with you. So don't skip over that part. When you go to verse 4, and um, to break down those verses specifically, to me it said, Mama, be proactive. Be proactive in, in all the little things, in all the moments. And, and I, I saw lots of repeats of words.

Shadlee: All, all, all. And um, love with all you are. Love with all you have. Um, So, repeat, repeat, and again repeat.

Jalene: Yeah, it's telling us we're anything but irrelevant. Right? Right. Yeah, we have such a big mission. And so when I read it, I think almost in context of the Great Commission. So Jesus last instructions, go out, make disciples, um, of all people, of all nations.

Jalene: And so as mothers, I think we can scale that down a little bit and look at it in terms of our own house and how we're living out the Great Commission in our small sphere of influence in our house every single day. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Shadlee: As the family goes, so goes the world. We have no small sphere of influence.

Shadlee: We have small little people we're influencing, but our influence is so great as moms, as parents, as, as, as the family goes, so goes

Jalene: the world. I love that. That is like something I want to write down and keep that little tidbit. Um, so I wanted to start with a little story. Um, my kiddo recently, she's almost 13 and she asked me, it must've been a school project or something, what my wish would be for her future.

Jalene: And I know she was thinking in terms of, Oh, I want you to be successful, or I want you to have this kind of job. I want you to have this kind of house or this kind of family, get married, all of these things that, um, could be quote unquote success. But my answer to her was that, you know, and follow Jesus.

Jalene: That is the definition of success, right? You think it's stunner, right? Not maybe the definition of success in her terms, but as mothers Could there really be anything sweeter than our kids knowing and following Jesus? Nothing sweeter. And so that passage in Deuteronomy is really about discipleship, and discipleship is a really big word, about a really small concept.

Jalene: So tell us, um, tell us how to break down the word discipleship in terms of moms, in terms of a little bit simpler, so that it doesn't seem like a big scary word.

Shadlee: Okay. Well, the word actually comes from the Bible, so I'm going to start by how it's defined. And, and a disciple was a learner. A learner who lived with the teacher, who did day to day every kind of stuff with the teacher, and saw how the teacher did it.

Shadlee: In the case of the Bible, that was Jesus. So his, his disciples, they walked with him by the road. They saw him heal. They saw when he wept, when his friend died, they, they saw him. It's, it's doing life with. That's what discipling is, doing life with. And

Jalene: so we're doing that as moms. And if it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.

Jalene: Absolutely. So, um, as mothers, it kind of happens in the context of our daily life. Same as with Jesus. He was living amongst his disciples. We're living amongst our disciples. It's kind of the same relationship. And so as a mother of four, kind of spread out how you mentioned a kiddos are adults. Well, three are adults, right?

Jalene: Three are adults. Still a teenager, um, you have a lot of experience in discipling kiddos over the years. And so if we're talking to moms that are maybe younger moms, that are just looking at what is something that I can start today that would help me to disciple my kids or become a habit or become one of those things that we repeat, repeat, repeat.

Shadlee: So, you as a mom, your job is to live the Jesus life in front of them. So, the first thing that I would start with today is, is a consideration of live the Jesus life. Am, am I, am I a disciple of him? And am I talking with him? So, the very best thing you can do today. When you, um, when you wake up in the morning, when your lids fly open and, and, and that influx of all the stuff that has to be done starts flooding into your head.

Shadlee: Before you even put your feet on the floor, get with Jesus. Get with Jesus because, um, there's a, I don't even remember who told me this, but before you go to the phone, go to the throne. And, and that, that applies in so many ways, even on your wake up, you know, it's like you have a to do list or you have all the things.

Shadlee: Don't check your email first. Don't check your texts first. Don't do it. Go to the throne. Before you even,

Jalene: your feet even hit the floor. I love that. So we're leading with Jesus. We're starting with prayer. We're starting with time with him. When I was little, my mom would say, Oh, you have to start out your day with breakfast.

Jalene: Or, you know, she would have these little things that would set me up for success. And so your advice for our mamas is set yourself up for success by turning to the word immediately or starting in prayer immediately. Yeah. Awesome. And you know what?

Shadlee: It is called the principle of first fruits. Okay. And I mean it started with Cain and Abel.

Shadlee: When they were to bring an offering, he called them both to give the best of what they had before anything else, before it was distributed, before. So it's the first fruits of your day. Offer it up to the Lord and he sets the tone. It's a promise. I

Jalene: love

Shadlee: that. Absolutely. So he's going to cover us. He's going to cover us.

Shadlee: He's got your back.

Jalene: Awesome. So, starting the day right, and then, um, Shadley, some of these mamas that are listening, you know, they could be working mamas. They could be stay at home moms. They could be traveling. We all come from different walks of life. No motherhood journey really looks the same. And you experienced that when you were entering into that kind of marketplace in different points of life.

Jalene: So how can mom give herself enough grace to change and be flexible with the habits that she's trying to employ in her household?

Shadlee: Um, think small. Okay. Think small because small things in the right place have enormous consequences. So, um, you, the, the things of your day, the mundane things, the everyday things, even the big things, um, there, they are a massive accumulated small choices.

Shadlee: So the, the small things that you do, They matter. So start, start small. Be proactive and start small.

Jalene: I feel like that takes off so much pressure. Yeah. It doesn't need to look like some Instagram worthy discipleship at home. Just small things that become the big things. Yeah.

Shadlee: I'll give you, I'll give you a major one that I needed to hear.

Shadlee: Smile. Smile at your kids. You know, start with a smile.

Jalene: Wow. Right? It's just so small. So small. But then they're waking up with that starting their day. Exactly. Exactly. Really awesome. So when we think about mothering and the way that the day's broken up and we're thinking about small things that we can do to give encouragement to our kids, there's a lot of transition times, if you will.

Jalene: Where we can be taking the time to have those little teachable moments with them to be discipling them. Do you have any insight as far as what transition times can become natural transitions where it can maybe trigger us? Because I feel like moms are so routine. We wake up, we have breakfast, we get ready for school if we're at that stage, or we get ready for play dates, we get ready to go to the library.

Jalene: Whatever we're doing, there's Little transitions throughout our day. So how can we, do you have any insight on how we can make those teachable moments or what those moments might look like to become an opportunity for discipleship? Oh,

Shadlee: absolutely. I think, I think if you take, If you take the small things, okay, so when we're teaching our kids, we teach them to tie their shoes.

Shadlee: We teach them and tying their shoes comes at this point in the, in the day as getting dressed. We teach them to brush their teeth. That comes at this point in day. So, so we have already figured out some scheduled things that happen in their day. Do the same thing with inserting truth. Something that you do just like brushing your teeth.

Shadlee: Um, a simple one that. Everybody probably, you know, you pray before a meal. And, um, and I would take, so we, you're also setting up your family to, my last name is Friesens. The Friesen family does this. Identity. Yeah. You're making that, creating their identity. So the Friesen family loves breakfast. And when we, When we bring God into breakfast, we, it might look like this.

Shadlee: Good morning, God. This is your day. I am your child. Show me your way. And, and now you have French toast. But, but that little rhythm of, uh, you know, of, uh, you brush your teeth before you do, you know, before you head out the door. Okay. Before, before you eat your food, You greet God in, and you insert truth, you know, I'm God's child.

Shadlee: So just as much as you can insert those little, and they love to sing. They love to hear you sing. So the more things you can put to a little song or, you know, clapping, we were learning to spell. Our last name. And so I would get the, the two older kids and we would do the, the huddle up, you know, like a football team before they go on the field.

Shadlee: And we would put our hands together and then we'd go F R I E S E N. We're the Friesens here to win. So I mean,

Jalene: that's how they learned

Shadlee: to spell their last name.

Jalene: And it's relatable to them because it's something they enjoy. Exactly. This song. Oh my gosh, that's so awesome. So. I feel like maybe our moms are already having these moments without even realizing that they are.

Jalene: Exactly. So that helps me to take some pressure off because like I said, that word discipleship is big and it can be kind of scary, but I might already be doing it.

Shadlee: You are already doing it. Just recognize that you're doing it and, and then go, Hey, where else can I do this?

Jalene: And if we're following where you started is.

Jalene: Are we getting that time with Jesus every day? So if we're already doing the things that we need to be doing, we're just impressing that upon our kids in those natural times. So let's think about maybe specific examples that you might have where we can Create spiritual habits, build spiritual muscles, maybe some practical methods or a specific example of what you've done in your home.

Jalene: I love the freezing song. I love the breakfast song. I love that you're building identity into your kiddos by inserting truth. So you're inserting biblical truth. What was maybe, um, take one of your kids and like their favorite thing. Huh. That their mama did.

Shadlee: The favorite thing that, that they remember, that their mama did was read to them. They kids love stories. Tell them your story. Mm-Hmm. . And change your voices. You know, it was like, and grandma would say, you know, they want, they wanna know your history. Tell 'em your stories. We would have a, we would do things like.

Shadlee: At, at dinner time where, um, you, you earned your dinner by bringing a story. So it's like a story or a joke, or, you know, on Tuesday it's, you bring a joke or something like that. In other words, mealtime is, is not about food. It's about relationship. So those are the best, best things. It's like bring in, bring in the stories.

Shadlee: And here's another thing I remember. You know, at the end of the day, you guys have all experienced this. You're kind of, you're worn down. You're in between lunch and dinner. Maybe you've had a snack. Everybody's tired and things start to escalate. When you see things start to escalate, I don't know how I came on to this.

Shadlee: Take the child, put them in your lap, read them a story, or sing a song. All they really need is a good cuddle instead of more instruction or more Yeah. Yeah, that's like ding ding ding ding. Hello.

Jalene: We're quick to correct. Uh huh. But if we think about the model of Jesus discipling. Uh huh. He wasn't quick to correct.

Jalene: No. He was quick to tell stories. He was quick to walk alongside them. He was quick to know what they needed. And he interpreted that. He corrected when he had to. Right. But it wasn't his go to. Yeah. Right. Where sometimes I think as parents, we just take those teachable moments and we want to make it this big instruction.

Jalene: Exactly. And so make it smaller.

Shadlee: Make it smaller. Okay. Do some, do some embracing. Okay. They need your touch so much. It's like, hello, this is a good moment. Yeah. Just, just put them on your lap, hold them, and yeah.

Jalene: Bring everything back down. Yeah, use it in that way. Are there any ideas when you were first raising your kiddos that you know now that you wish you knew then?

Jalene: Anything that's come up for you where you're like, Oh,

Shadlee: that would've been good to know. I, I'll get back to you on that. I'll tell you something that I learned that I did that actually, and you're going, Hey, that worked. So the older two were only two years apart. And you know, that when they're so close, they, They are constantly going back and forth and fighting and arguing and whatever.

Shadlee: And I remember hearing, to tell them, you know, you two are going to be each other's best friends someday. So I would say that over and over and over, not, and then I forgot that I had said that. Well then the older two used to drive together to school, to high school. One could drive, the other couldn't yet, and they would listen to music.

Shadlee: And my son, the oldest one, he came home one day and he goes, Mom, guess what? You were right. I was like, what do you know about what? And, uh, I'll take, I'll take this win. What's the win? They said, remember you used to tell Micah and I that that we would be best friends one day. Mom, I think we're best friends.

Shadlee: That's so awesome. It was so awesome. And so then I had the younger set And there in that moment, it's like, Oh, yes. Remember what he just said? Okay, I need to turn around and apply it to them. Don't forget what worked.

Jalene: Yeah,

Shadlee: yeah. You did that one right. Let's keep doing it. Yeah, absolutely. So I

Jalene: started saying it to the younger two.

Jalene: Mine are five years apart because the Lord knew I didn't have enough patience to have them close together. But they still are friends and it's so beautiful to see because one's a girl, one's a boy, but they're buddies and that's something that as moms we can set the tone for. Something I wish I knew. So my oldest is almost 13 and I didn't know that the window for accepting Jesus is is called 414.

Jalene: So sometime between age 4 and age 14, 85 percent of kiddos are accepting Jesus. And I don't know if That was taught to me when I was younger if I knew that her worldview was going to be set by 14 Maybe I was too busy with bottles and baby food to notice that the church was teaching me that But I feel like I just found it out and I also feel like I just found out that Churches don't make disciples and schools don't make disciples.

Shadlee: No,

Jalene: the family is what's making the disciples So if we cultivate it in our home That's what's going to grow and I wish I had known that because it's a huge concept that now I wonder did I miss Opportunities and so I love what you're saying that those opportunities were probably there and I was doing them without even realizing it and for Mama, that's thinking about like, oh, okay her kiddos 13 my kiddos still for what can I do?

Jalene: It's just those little rhythms interwoven into everything that we do where we can make small teachable moments into Christian teachable moments into establishing family and identity and all these things that are going to become the big things later on. Relationships that you mentioned and so that to me is It took something that I wish I had known, took a little bit of pressure off that maybe I did know it without knowing it.

Jalene: Um, do you have anything, Shadley, that you want to leave our moms with?

Shadlee: Yeah. You, you, your whole job is to cultivate faithfulness. The, the, the, you are the one who brings about the fruit. I think of, of John chapter 15, the, I am the vine, you are the branches and we bring, we bear fruit. Your children are your fruit.

Shadlee: And so, um, all of that takes daily tending, watering, and. And it's so worth it. I have adult children. I love spending time with my children. They, we went from the, you know, the, I can't remember exactly the stages, but from zero to five, you're is disciplinary from five to you're a coach or you're, you're, And then, then, uh, from, like in the teen years you, you're a, uh, a coach player, a player coach.

Shadlee: And then after that, they're, they're on their own and, and you're friends. Yes, please. Just get me out of the teen and into the friend. Well, the teen is a beautiful time, so don't forget that, but it is hard. But the friendship is so beautifully worth it. The friendship, the fact that my daughter wants me to drive with her to Grand Junction after she graduates from college.

Shadlee: Um, when she's gonna go watch her boyfriend play. And, um, play baseball and she wants me to be with her. How sweet. We're going to have the conversations on the road. We, it still continues, but now it's in the form of friendship. It's all of the be with Jesus. But so start those things when you're in the car, talk, don't, don't just give them a screen and yeah, I mean, talk, talk, talk, talk, narrate your life, narrate, narrate what's going on.

Shadlee: Point out what God made. I mean, just. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. That's one thing I'm really good at. I'm

Jalene: really excited about that one. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. I think that's

Shadlee: one thing that I'm not as good at is, is, uh, is, is pausing and listening instead of thinking the next thing that I need to tell them.

Shadlee: Sometimes they just need to tell you what's going on as, and it could be a long drawn out story that, that you don't need to know all those details, but eye contact, listen, Cause. They need you to listen. Yeah,

Jalene: sometimes I catch myself wondering when the story's going to end and then it's like, oh, stab in the heart.

Jalene: That's such a guilty feeling, right? So, um, and I, I love just leaving our mamas with leading with prayer.

Shadlee: Oh yeah.

Jalene: Getting up in the morning, talking to Jesus and knowing that we don't have to be perfect because he is. Right.

Shadlee: Speaking of perfect, you don't have to have the perfect prayer because there's a gal who wrote a great prayer about, a great little book about praying for your children.

Shadlee: Her name is Stormy O'Martian or O'Martian, I don't even know how you say it, but it's, it's called, um, I have it right here.

Jalene: Power of a praying parent. Yes, power of a praying parent. I think there's a praying mom version also. So we'll link those in our show notes so that people can find those resources.

Jalene: That's awesome. And

Shadlee: even though those words aren't, you know, generated by you, don't Those are words that you would generate if you knew to pray them. So pray them. Okay. Let it

Jalene: speak to your

Shadlee: heart. Let it speak to your heart. Absolutely.

Jalene: And then the thing I think we can leave them with is exactly what you're saying.

Jalene: Proverbs 22. 6. Train them up in the way they're to go. And when they're older, they won't depart from it. Exactly. And they won't depart from us as moms. I feel like that's an added benefit. You know, you always hear those stories about children just like ditching parents when they get older. So if we're being intentional now, we're going to have those sweet relationships.

Jalene: We're going to have the fruit being our children and their walk with Jesus. Awesome. Well, thank you very much, sadly, for coming on today and talking to Mamas. Okay. God bless you, Mamas. God bless you, Mamas.