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Happening in Upland is your weekly rundown of what’s going on around town—local news, community events, public safety updates, new restaurants, development, weather, schools, and the stuff Upland residents actually talk about.
Delivered with humor, honesty, and a very local point of view, this isn’t stiff broadcast news. It’s real, relevant information with personality. If you live in Upland or anywhere nearby in the Inland Empire, this is your weekly shortcut to staying in the loop.
MARK: Welcome to another soul-crushing episode of Happening in Upland. It's Monday, August 10th, 2026, and I'm your host Mark, coming to you live from a city that's essentially one giant pothole with a fancy name. I'm joined as always by Joleen, who somehow manages to maintain a level of optimism that I'm pretty sure is a diagnosable medical condition. How are you doing over there in your bubble of sunshine, Joleen?
JOLEEN: I'm doing fucking fantastic, Mark, thanks for asking. My optimism isn't a condition, it's a survival mechanism for living in a place where the local pastime is complaining about leaf blowers and wondering why the median home price is higher than the national debt. We've got a hell of a show today, featuring everything from local politicians trying to reach into your pockets to a weather forecast that might actually allow us to step outside without bursting into flames. It's an exciting time to be an Uplander, provided you've got a high tolerance for bullshit and a decent air conditioning unit.
MARK: Well, the bullshit is in high supply this week. Our top story involves the City Council deciding that we don't pay quite enough to live in this suburban paradise. On August 6th, the council officially voted to place a Business License Reform Measure on the November 2026 ballot. I love the word 'reform'. It's like 'renovating' a house, except instead of a new kitchen, they're just ripping out your plumbing and telling you it's for your own good. It's basically a fancy way of saying they're going to shake down local businesses for more cash to fund whatever the hell they're doing with our tax dollars.
JOLEEN: Oh, stop being such a cynical dick, Mark. They're probably using it to fund something essential, like more 'Welcome to Upland' signs or a special task force to make sure nobody parks their RV on the street for more than three seconds. Seriously though, the city says this reform is about modernizing a system that hasn't been touched since the dinosaurs roamed Foothill Boulevard. They want to simplify the structure, which usually means 'make it easier for us to calculate how much more we can take'. If you're a small business owner in this town, you're probably looking at this ballot measure like it's a personal invitation to a mugging.
MARK: It's exactly that. They'll tell us it's about fairness and streamlining, but at the end of the day, it's just another way to squeeze the people who are actually trying to keep this city alive. I can't wait to see the campaign ads for this one. They'll probably feature pictures of smiling puppies and clean parks, ignoring the fact that half the businesses in downtown are hanging on by a fucking thread. If this passes, I expect to see the price of a local coffee go up another fifty cents just so the owner can pay for the privilege of existing in Upland.
JOLEEN: Well, while the city is planning to take your money, the Upland Police Department is offering you a chance to see how they spend it. They've announced the return of the Citizens Police Academy, starting August 18th. You've got until tomorrow, August 11th, to get your application in. It's a six-week program where they show you how the sausage gets made. You get to learn about investigations, patrol procedures, and probably how to look cool in those tactical vests. I'm actually thinking about applying just so I can find out where they keep the good donuts.
MARK: You applying to the police academy is the funniest shit I've heard all morning. You'd spend the whole time critiqueing their uniform choices and asking if the handcuffs come in rose gold. But seriously, it's a 'limited spot' situation, so if you're the kind of person who likes to play junior detective or just wants to know why there's always a helicopter over your house at 2:00 AM, you'd better move fast. It's open to anyone 21 and over who hasn't been a complete asshole and racked up a felony record. It's a good way to see that the police are actually doing something other than waiting for people to roll through stop signs on Euclid.
JOLEEN: I'd totally rock a tactical vest, Mark, don't even start. But you're right, it's a cool program. It's all about 'community policing', which is a nice term for 'let's try to make people hate us less'. They do ride-alongs and tours of the station. I wonder if they'll let me play with the K9s. Probably not, I'd just try to take the dogs home. But for real, the application is on the city website, uplandca.gov. If you've ever yelled at the TV during an episode of Cops, this is your chance to see if you actually have what it takes to do the job.
MARK: Spoiler alert: most of the people listening don't have what it takes. They'd cry the first time someone called them a name. Speaking of people crying, the back-to-school season is officially looming over us like a dark cloud. Upland Unified students are heading back on August 24th, which is exactly two weeks from today. That means we've reached the peak of the 'Target supply aisle' insanity. I went in there yesterday and saw two mothers fighting over the last pack of Ticonderoga number two pencils. It was like a scene out of a low-budget gladiator movie.
JOLEEN: Ugh, back-to-school shopping is the absolute worst. It's a conspiracy by the big binder companies to drain parents of their will to live. But hey, the district has been busy over the summer with maintenance and getting new teachers ready. They've got their 'Village of Support' thing going on, which sounds very Hallmark Channel, but I guess it's better than just throwing the kids into a room and hoping for the best. Are you ready for the return of the school zone traffic, Mark? I know how much you love sitting behind a minivan that's doing five miles an hour because little Timmy forgot his lunchbox.
MARK: Don't even get me started on the traffic. The 15th Street bottleneck is going to become a literal circle of hell in fourteen days. And god forbid you try to get anywhere near Upland High around 3:00 PM. It's just a sea of teenagers who drive like they're playing a real-life version of Grand Theft Auto and parents who think the 'no parking' signs are merely suggestions for people less important than them. I'm planning to just stay in my house for the entire month of September to avoid the carnage.
JOLEEN: Spoken like a true hermit. But before the school year ruins your commute, we actually have some decent weather to look forward to. Today is a bit of a bitch with a high of 94, but it's mostly sunny and the wind is kicking up a bit, which helps. But look at the rest of the week! Tuesday we drop to 91, Wednesday 87, and by Thursday we're looking at 83 degrees. A high of 83 in August? That's practically a fucking miracle. I might actually be able to walk my dog without her paws melting into the sidewalk.
MARK: Eighty-three degrees is what we call 'winter' in Southern California, Joleen. I'll have to dig my one sweater out of storage. But honestly, it's a nice break from that triple-digit nonsense we've been dealing with. The lows are staying in the low 60s too, so you can actually turn off the AC at night and not wake up in a puddle of your own sweat. It's a brief window of atmospheric mercy before the inevitable heatwave hits in September and makes us all want to move to Alaska.
JOLEEN: Enjoy it while it lasts, you miserable dickhead. The weekend is looking solid too--84 on Friday, 86 on Saturday, and 88 on Sunday. It's perfect weather for some outdoor dining, which brings us to our restaurant review of the week. We checked out Studio Four29 in Downtown Upland recently. It's one of those places that's trying to 'redefine fine dining' in the city. And let me tell you, it's a far cry from the usual greasy spoons we've got around here. The vibe is elegant, the lighting is dim enough to hide my dark circles, and the food actually has presentation.
MARK: Studio Four29. It sounds like a hair salon or a place where people pay too much for minimalist art. I went there and ordered the steak, and while it was good, I felt like I needed to apologize to my bank account afterwards. It's definitely 'Upland upscale', which means people were wearing nice jeans instead of cargo shorts. The service was actually decent, though, which is a rare find in this town. Usually, I'm lucky if the waiter doesn't spit in my water while rolling their eyes at my existence.
JOLEEN: I had the sea bass and it was fucking incredible. And you're right about the atmosphere--it feels like a place where you could actually have a conversation without screaming over a jukebox. It's locally owned, which I love, but it's definitely a 'special occasion' spot unless you're one of those people who's currently selling their house for a million dollars. They've got a great wine list too. I may have had one too many glasses, but who's counting? It's nice to see Downtown Upland getting some class, even if it's just one building at a time.
MARK: class is a relative term in Upland, Joleen. You put a tablecloth on something and suddenly people think they're in Paris. But hey, if you want to feel fancy for an hour before heading back to your ranch-style house with the dying lawn, Studio Four29 is the place. Just don't go there expecting to get out for under a hundred bucks. It's for the 'treat yo self' crowd, which apparently is everyone in this town lately, considering the real estate prices we're seeing.
JOLEEN: Oh, here we go. Let's talk about the nightmare that is the Upland housing market. The latest numbers for August 2026 just dropped, and the median single-family home price is now 908,200 dollars. I'm going to say that again for the people in the back: nine hundred and eight thousand dollars. For a house in Upland. Not Malibu, not Beverly Hills. Upland. Prices are up about 8.5 percent year over year. I'm pretty sure my salary has gone up by exactly zero percent in that same timeframe.
MARK: It's insanity. Who the fuck is buying these houses? I look at the inventory and it's sitting at 2.7 months, which means it's still a seller's market, but a really weird one. People are holding onto their low interest rates like they're the last lifeboat on the Titanic. So even though prices are sky-high, there's nothing to buy. It's a standoff between people who can't afford to sell and people who can't afford to buy. A true suburban tragedy.
JOLEEN: It's the 'affordability ceiling', as the experts call it. Buyers are stretched so thin they're basically transparent. And yet, houses are still selling because everyone wants to live near the good schools and the mountains, I guess? Or maybe they just like the sound of leaf blowers at 7:00 AM on a Tuesday. If interest rates even twitch downward, I'm terrified to see what happens. We'll be looking at million-dollar fixer-uppers by Christmas.
MARK: A million dollars for a house with original 1970s shag carpet and a kitchen that smells like damp wood. That's the dream, isn't it? If you're a seller right now, you're laughing all the way to the bank, but where the hell do you go? You'd have to move to the high desert just to find something you can afford, and nobody wants to live in Hesperia unless they're in witness protection. It's a bubble, Joleen. It has to be. Or we're just witnessing the end of the middle class in real-time.
JOLEEN: Let's move on before I start drinking on air. We've got some events coming up that might distract you from your impending homelessness. This past weekend was the 2nd on 2nd festival in Downtown. It was actually a great turnout. 2nd Avenue was shut down, there was live music, and the 'Entertainment Zone' was in full swing. Nothing says community spirit like being able to walk down the street with a beer in your hand without getting tackled by the police.
MARK: I missed it because I was busy staring at my wall and questioning my life choices, but I heard it was loud. If you missed out on the downtown fun, you can still catch the Farmer's Market every Saturday morning. It's the usual suspects: expensive honey, bread that costs more than a gold bar, and people walking their designer dogs that have more followers on Instagram than I do. But hey, it's a nice way to pretend we're a small, quaint town before you get back on the 210 and realize we're just a cog in the giant machine of Southern California.
JOLEEN: You're such a buzzkill. Coming up this weekend, August 14th through the 16th, the 626 Night Market is happening over at Santa Anita Park in Arcadia. I know it's not technically Upland, but half the city is going to be there anyway, waiting in a two-hour line for a potato on a stick or some neon-colored boba. It's a sensory overload of food and people, and if you've got the patience of a saint, it's actually pretty fun. Just prepare to spend forty dollars on things you'll regret eating thirty minutes later.
MARK: Arcadia? That's way too far to drive for a fucking potato on a stick. If you want a more local vibe, the Ontario Art Walk is also this Saturday, August 15th, starting at 6:00 PM. It's just down the road and usually features some actually talented local artists, plus the usual assortment of people trying to sell you crystals that 'align your chakras'. It's a good way to support the local scene and realize that there's more to the Inland Empire than just warehouses and fast food joints.
JOLEEN: I love the Art Walk! It's got a great energy. And speaking of warehouses, we can't do an episode without mentioning the state of our roads. The Foothill Boulevard improvement project is still chugging along like a very slow, very expensive turtle. It's still a mess from Benson to Euclid, so if you're planning on driving that stretch this week, maybe just don't. Take the 10, take 11th Street, take a helicopter if you've got one. Just avoid Foothill unless you enjoy testing the limits of your suspension and your sanity.
MARK: The city has a 210 million dollar backlog in road repairs. Two hundred and ten million! At the rate they're going, they'll finish the current projects just in time for the rest of the streets to crumble into dust. It's a joke. They're spending more time putting up orange cones than actually laying asphalt. I'm convinced the cones are a permanent part of the Upland landscape now, like the palm trees, except much uglier and more annoying.
JOLEEN: Maybe we should just embrace the 'distressed' look for our streets. It's very trendy. But seriously, it's a mess. Use the UplandConnect app to report the potholes, people. It probably won't do anything, but it might make you feel like you're actually being heard before the city sends you an automated response telling you to fuck off. It's all part of the charm of living here.
MARK: The charm is wearing thin, Joleen. But I guess we're stuck here for another week. If you have any stories, complaints, or just want to tell Joleen her optimism is annoying, you can reach us at upland@thehappeningnetwork.com. We actually read the emails, mostly because we have nothing better to do while we're stuck in traffic on Foothill.
JOLEEN: Make sure to like, subscribe, and leave a comment on whatever platform you're using to listen to this madness. Tell us your favorite place to eat in town that isn't a chain, or tell us which pothole is currently your arch-nemesis. We want to hear it all. We're your voice in the wilderness, or at least your voice in the suburbs.
MARK: We'll be back next week with more news, more sarcasm, and probably a few more grey hairs. Until then, try not to get run over by a teenager in a Tesla, and keep your expectations for this city firmly on the ground. It's safer that way.
JOLEEN: Stay cynical, Upland! And seriously, get those applications in for the police academy by tomorrow if you want to play cop for a month. We'll see you next Monday!
MARK: And don't forget the Business License measure in November. Start saving your pennies now because the city sure as shit is planning to spend them for you. Goodbye, Upland. Try to stay out of trouble, or at least don't get caught.
JOLEEN: Wait, Mark, did you mention the 626 market entry fee? It's like five bucks just to get in and then you spend sixty. It's a total racket. I love it. Okay, now we're done. See ya!
MARK: A racket is the official theme of the week. Catch you later.
JOLEEN: Actually, one more thing--check the weather on Thursday. 83 degrees. If you don't go outside then, you're dead inside. Okay, really leaving now. Bye!
MARK: She's already dead inside, folks. Goodnight.