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Send us Fan Mail What if generosity isn’t about money, but about how freely we offer time, attention, and presence when it’s least convenient? A late, anxious pull into a hospital parking lot turns into a masterclass on dropping judgment and choosing service—and it sets the stage for a deeper dive into how greed and miserliness quietly run our lives. We trace the subtle difference: greed reaches outward for more, miserliness clamps inward in fear. You’ll learn how both show up in the body and...
What if generosity isn’t about money, but about how freely we offer time, attention, and presence when it’s least convenient? A late, anxious pull into a hospital parking lot turns into a masterclass on dropping judgment and choosing service—and it sets the stage for a deeper dive into how greed and miserliness quietly run our lives. We trace the subtle difference: greed reaches outward for more, miserliness clamps inward in fear. You’ll learn how both show up in the body and why the holidays amplify them.
We bring the Enneagram into focus with practical, compassionate insights for all nine types.
A surprising lesson lands through a spoon-bending exercise: when we stop trying to control outcomes and let energy move through us, service becomes lighter and more effective. We pair story with tools—breathwork, appreciation, sensory grounding, and small acts of service—to bring you back to the only moment that matters. As the season swells with comparison and urgency, we return to what lasts: laughter in the kitchen, help freely offered, and the courage to be seen as we are.
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SPEAKER_00: I never define
myself as a greedy person.
In fact, I consider myself quite
generous.
I devote my life to helping
people feel better in their
bodies and their minds and to
reconnect them to the truth of
who they are.
That's that's basically what I
spend all my free time thinking
about doing as how I make money,
that's how I serve.
Um, and I consider that, you
know, quite generous to sit with
people in pain and to help them
reclaim their power and, you
know, in their bodies, their
emotions, their love life,
whatever area that is.
But my business coach asked us
not long ago when we were doing
his Mind Your Money program,
which was really looking at your
relationship with money, to be
generous.
Um, one of the challenges that
day was to look at where
greediness is getting in the way
of our businesses.
And I was like, not me.
I like pro bono the crap out of
my work.
And you guessed it.
Today we're talking about greed,
happy holidays.
So I'm gonna do a 12-part series
around uh Christmas time this
year.
Uh it's 2025.
And today's topic is the gift of
generosity.
So hold on tight, my friends.
Uh, we are going to be exploring
your generosity.
So back to my story, I was
challenged to be generous.
And if you listen to my private
podcast, and if you don't, I'll
put a link below.
I go into a lot more depth on a
lot of the kind of weird and
woo-woo stuff that I do.
Um, but for the sake of today's
conversation, we were challenged
to be more generous.
And my son and I had an
appointment at a blood bank to,
no, not a blood bank.
It was um those places where you
have your blood drawn.
Sorry, I'm coming off of being
sick.
And um I hate going to the
hospital.
I can't stand it.
I I can't stand it.
I just see so much suffering.
I see so much um disease that
could have been prevented with
different lifestyle choices.
Like, I I see so it's just to
me, it's it's I hate going to
the hospital.
So we had to go to the hospital
to get his blood drawn.
And um, I'm already anxious
because we're late because I got
the address wrong.
And we pull in, and there's this
lady, or I didn't even know it
was a lady at the time, but
there was this car like going in
and out of the same parking spot
like 20 times.
And I'm like, oh, we are late.
We're you're gonna be later.
We're gonna miss the
appointment.
I already hate being here.
I don't even know where I'm
going.
My son probably thinks I'm an
idiot.
And um, I had this whole story
in my head, and all then I all I
heard was James's voice say, be
more generous.
And so I pulled around her and
pulled into the parking spot
next to her.
And I looked over and it was
this older lady, and I looked at
my son, and I'm like, that's why
they should make people retest
for their license.
And I immediately regretted it.
And I went into generosity
instead, and I said, hold on a
second, I don't think she knows
how to get out of that parking
spot.
And I got out of the car and I
walked over to her window and I
knew she would be embarrassed
already.
Because if you've ever backed in
and out of a parking spot,
hello, pregnancy brain, more
than 10 times, you know how
embarrassing that experience is.
I've done it when I was
pregnant.
I've gotten lost when I was
pregnant, but that's like a
whole different thing.
So I get out of the car and I
look in the window and I and I
just say, Oh my gosh, these
spots are so hard to get in and
out of.
And you don't have a backup
camera.
Can I help you?
And she started saying, Oh yeah,
I I don't know what happened.
I just I can't seem to get my
car to fit into this spot.
And I have an appointment, and
I'm like, yeah, no, no, no, no.
It happens to all of us.
It happens to all of us.
It's happened to me many times,
especially when I lived in
England.
I couldn't parallel park to save
my life.
Like, I had to have people come
out and park the car for me.
I know, I know how it feels.
And I look and her tires are
balding, and she doesn't have a
backup camera, and you know, she
doesn't have the basic things
that would make this whole
experience easier for her.
And I don't know why she's at
the hospital.
You know, she could have been
visiting a sick friend, she
could have just lost her
husband.
Who knows?
I I didn't ask.
I just wanted to make her feel
as comfortable as possible and
help get her out of that parking
spot so that she could, you
know, move on in her day.
And my son, um, he gets out of
the car without me even asking.
And he goes over to the side and
he starts directing her on one
side, and I'm on the other side
holding up traffic, and I'm like
now a traffic cop.
And in that moment, I realized I
could have taught my son two
lessons that day.
I could have taught him to be
greedy with time, or I could
have taught him to be generous
with compassion and generous
with just being of service.
I chose, thank you, James, to be
generous with service.
And I don't think, you know,
when we're in a rush, when we're
busy, when we're in our own
crap, we don't always stop to
think about what our children
are learning from us and what
we're learning with them as
well.
I didn't think that I was greedy
at all, but I was 100% being
greedy with my judgments of this
woman without really even
looking at what her experience
was.
Greed is defined as an intense
and selfish desire for
something, especially wealth,
power, food, or possessions,
more than is needed or deserved.
I can be greedy with space if
I'm in a big room and I just
want more space for myself
because I don't like people
being in my bubble sometimes.
Um, but what it really is is
like it's intense.
It's an intense emotion.
It's very self-focused.
It's me, me, me, me, me.
Uh, and it's more than is
needed.
Um, you can see greed at
Christmas.
Hello, did you remember the
Harry Potter where um the fat
kid was like, I want more
presents.
Dudley, I think what's his name.
Um, and it's driven by this
desire, but the desire turns
into like this compulsion for
more.
And it's a very active energy.
It's it's like, I want more, I
need more, I need more.
We can be greedy in love, we can
be greedy in our relationships,
we can be greedy in wealth.
That's the most obvious one.
Um, and that's not the one I
want to talk about because I
think that we're all greedy, and
that I think that when we don't
explore our shadow of
greediness, uh it just spreads
more greediness.
And, you know, we always blame
the wealthy.
Oh, look, it's their fault.
They're so greedy.
But greed is not just for the
wealthy, my friends.
Greed is for all of us.
And um, you know, I can be very
greedy with my time.
I'm very greedy with my time.
And um I'm also, you know,
obviously greedy with my
judgments, that poor lady in the
car.
Um, and then miserliness is
greed's other friend.
And this is an excessive
unwillingness to spend, give, or
share extreme frugality or
stinginess.
Now, I did not think I was
miserly until I went to my
conference last week, uh, which
was Business by Design.
It's my entrepreneurial program
uh conference.
And as I'm sitting there, I
decided to sit in the back and
watch this time.
Because the last time I went, I
bought into the next level
coaching program and immediately
spent a year in shame and
comparison, and I was unwilling
to be coachable, and I did not
take advantage of the
opportunities.
To be fair, I also had two head
injuries, so I really could not
process numbers, and um, my
emotions were completely
unchecked because of head
injuries.
So there was a valid reason why.
But miserliness is
unwillingness, withholding, fear
of loss, and a restriction.
It's a very restricted,
contracted energy.
So when you're thinking about,
you know, spending or giving for
other people, do you feel an
openness or do you feel a
restriction?
And I'm not talking about money.
We're not gonna talk about
money.
We're talking about love,
affection, energy, uh,
attention, time, uh
appreciation, gratitude, things
like that.
So what we're gonna do is we're
gonna take a different look at
greed today.
Um, because I don't think most
of the people listening to this
are actually wealthy, or maybe
you are, and if you are, you
should join my coaching program.
Just kidding.
My coaching program is available
to everyone, that's why I keep
it at a very affordable rate.
Um, but uh, because I don't
think personal transformation
should cost you an arm and a leg
or put you in debt.
Uh, so greed says there isn't
enough yet, so I need more.
Greed is driven by an insatiable
hunger and it reaches outward,
it accelerates, it pushes.
Greed can be a great way to get
you moving, right?
Like, oh man, I really want a
cookie.
I'm gonna get to the gym so I
can balance out my calories.
It can be a positive.
But what we're really looking at
today is when is it a bad thing?
And when is it actually, you
know, creating more harm than
good?
Because greed often hides under
excitement, anticipation.
It can also hide under anxiety,
fear of missing out.
You know, if you spend any time
on social media, and I mean any
time at all, or even driving
around in your car anywhere,
you're going to experience
unconscious greed.
Because all marketing and sales
is happening underneath your
conscious awareness.
And it is all of the time, not
some of the time, it is all of
the time.
It is everywhere you go.
It is when you are driving and
you see billboards that you're
not looking at, when you see
food bill, you know, buildings,
restaurants, also known as
restaurants, when you see that,
there is you are constantly
being marketed to.
And then your primal need to
obtain more kicks in.
It's biology.
So that's greed.
Miserliness is there isn't
enough, so I can't let go.
This is basically scarcity.
Miserly is driven by fear.
It pulls inward, it slows you
down, it clamps down, your
nervous system goes into freeze
mode or collapse.
You get this tightness in the
gut, in your hips, in your
throat.
You have shallow breathing, you
start hoarding, hoarding energy,
hoarding money, time, emotional
availability.
You start saying things like,
you become withdrawn, you want
to control everything, and you
probably have more resentment.
And you're doing silent
scorekeeping.
Well, I did all of this for you.
What did you do for me?
Right.
And this comes from not enough.
And when we're looking at these
two, it's important to look at
them this time of year because
it's so obvious, it's so in your
face right now.
It's Christmas time, like greed
and miserliness are at their
peak.
I would call this the peak
season.
Okay.
So, you know, I was even looking
online at like some videos of,
you know, families and how they
spend Christmas together.
And I immediately went into
like, oh, I wish I could go back
and do my kids' childhood a
little bit different.
And then I thought, no, you
don't.
You didn't have social media to
compare yourselves to when you
were raising your children.
Thank God for that.
Because I can't even imagine
what it's like to in today's
world being a parent, comparing
yourself to everybody who looks
like they have the perfect
family online, and later you
find out they're all serial
killers.
But, you know, that's because
I've been watching too many
murder shows lately.
So, what I want to talk to you
about is the Enneogram.
Why does the Enneagram and how
does the Enneogram give us uh
our strategies for dealing with
unconscious greed and how it
helps us understand what our
strategies are because we all
have strategies.
I don't like to call them
triggers or like um bad
behaviors.
I like to call them strategies
that were developed when
probably you were young.
And there are strategies that
either work for you or there's
strategies that don't work for
you.
And they're either gonna help
you align with what you want or
they're gonna keep you away from
what you want.
And we we need to take a look at
these strategies with honesty so
that we can change if we want
to, you know, if we want to grow
and evolve.
Like I was sitting in that
conference last week and I was
watching this production instead
of being in it.
And I did that intentionally
because I did not want to be
influenced by my emotions to buy
something that I wasn't going to
do or follow through with.
And as a type seven, I can have
a lot of FOMO.
And if I feel like time is
running out or, you know, I'm
gonna miss out, I'm gonna buy,
and I don't think logically, it
shuts off my logical brain
completely.
And I go straight into I'm not
gonna be left behind and I'll do
whatever it takes.
And it might be something I'm
not ready for, it might be too
fast for me.
It might maybe I didn't have the
foundational desire yet to do
the thing that I just bought.
Like I can be very impulsive
that way.
So each Enneagram type has their
way that greed and miserliness
gets in their way.
So we're gonna start with
Enneagram one.
This is the perfectionist.
They have agreed for perfection
and miserly with the heart.
Enneagram ones tend to be
hypercritical, and especially in
their relationships, their
relationships with themselves,
with the people in their lives
and the world.
It doesn't end with you know
them criticizing their loved
ones because the critic inside
is way worse about what they
feel about themselves than it is
projected out.
So whatever they're projecting
is a hundred times worse on the
inside and on the
self-reflection.
They can also be very judgy
about the world, right?
Very critical about what's
happening and maybe not take any
action in alignment with it,
which actually just breeds more
criticism.
So their miserly shows up
emotionally.
Uh, they withhold their true
feelings, plaster on a polite
smile, and silently seethe with
resentment inside.
That false smile fools no one,
my friend.
And relationships, this turns
into a relentless search for
more, more cleanliness, more
organization, more correctness,
more perfection, more, you know,
more of perfection, of an
outwardly appearance that's just
simply not true.
This gets projected onto their
children, their partners.
It gets projected onto their,
you know, how they present
online.
Maybe you see their perfect
Christmas, and perhaps inside
nobody's having fun at all
because they needed to take 822
pictures in order for the per
perfect picture to be present
itself.
And underneath all of it, it's,
and this is no judgment to you,
my friend, if you're a type one.
I love type ones.
They have so much capability of
bringing justice into the world.
Um, and I think that, you know,
they have an ability to see what
is right and what is wrong in
every situation, and their
intuitive genius is actually so
impressive and um underutilized.
And what ones are really longing
for underneath is intimacy and
connection.
And that suppressed anger that
they pretend isn't there with a
smile blocks access to the
heart.
And it it's like you can't let
the mess exist, you can't let
the emotions exist, and you
can't let love be imperfect,
which love, my friend, is always
imperfect.
That is the nature of love.
That is why there is no perfect
love, because love in and of
itself is imperfect, and that is
what makes it so real, and
that's the thing you crave most,
is the thing that you want to
control, and that's just not
possible.
So, my Enneagram two friends,
this greediness is very
different.
Um, they want to give greedily,
and they they actually give,
give, give, give, give, give,
give with this underlying
unconscious agenda.
If I give you enough and meet
your needs, you'll finally
figure out what my needs are,
and then you'll meet them for me
because I don't know what they
are.
And that's actually kind of
greedy uh because it's selfish,
right?
It's like I'm not gonna take the
time to figure out what my needs
are or to learn how to express
them, my zealiness.
Um, and I'm gonna give you so
much because I know what your
needs are, but I'm not actually
gonna take the time to figure
out what my needs are so that I
can meet them myself.
And it's a really interesting
kind of like backwards take on
greediness, because it's
actually like this greediness of
expectation for the other
person.
And you know, it's it's really
that you just don't know what
your needs are, and you're
hoping somebody else will figure
it out for you.
And that's your unwillingness to
sit down with yourself and go,
actually, what are my needs?
If I was allowed to put my
attention on myself, what do I
need?
What do I need in this moment?
What do I need in my life?
What do I need?
And I ask you to do a little
inner work and do some
self-discovery.
Whenever you're over-delivering
for someone else, what is that
you need?
And take a moment before you,
you know, sign up for another
meal delivery service for you
know, someone in need and ask
yourself, what do I need right
now?
And if I was able to meet that
need, how would I spend my time
instead of going into complete
burnout trying to make everyone
else feel good, hoping that one
day they'll see what I need and
give me the same thing in
return.
Your intuitive genius is really
to being able to see what people
need.
Your shadow is not being able to
see your own needs.
Enneagram three, these um
wonderful achievement-oriented
people are very greedy with
success and goals.
They equate worth with
achievement and provision.
In relationships, this can
create a disconnection.
They crave intimacy and
nurturing, but they structure
love like a performance metric.
Love becomes scheduled.
Friday night, one hour of
cuddling, success achieved.
Where's my gold star?
Do I get a raise, a bonus?
Like, is there what's the
success metric in this
relationship?
And honestly, that structure can
actually help them relax.
So if you're married to a type
three, if you have a type three
in your life, a child, any of
them, and you're craving more
time with them, remember they're
greedy with their time, but
they're very greedy with
achievement.
So, you know, type threes, where
are you unwilling to let go of
your need for achievement and
success and just simply be
present and to know that you're
You're just loved for being
present.
And that's what really people
want from you is you don't have
to be producing.
You don't have to be hitting
goals or targets.
You can slow down and just be
present and allow the connection
with the people around you and
appreciate all of the success
that you have already
accomplished this year.
Because I bet you've probably
accomplished a thousand times
more than the average person.
And it still doesn't feel like
it's enough as we close out the
year.
And that is your intuitive
genius is success.
And, you know, it's being able
to look for opportunities of
success everywhere you go.
But that can also be like the
source of unintentional
greediness of, oh, once I get
success, I just want more
success and more success.
And then you finally hit the
pinnacle of success and you
realize it didn't mean anything
at all.
Because what you really wanted
was love and connection and to
just be valued for who you are.
And no matter how successful you
are, you'll you'll never have
that feeling if you don't take
time now to build those
relationships and that love and
connection that is what you
really actually, underneath it
all, crave.
Type fours.
Sometimes we can be a little bit
greedy with our sadness and also
with our own emotions, feeling
like everyone should know what
they are at all times, and that
everyone should want to live in
our feelings with us.
This is a type four protection
prison.
And a lot of the times in
conversations, I've seen type
fours that come through my
programs.
They they can be greedy with
intellect, and I'll explain
that.
It's more like I want to be
unique and I want to be
separate, but I desperately want
to belong at the same time.
But my need to be unique is more
than my need to belong.
So I'm going to almost like be
greedy with compassion and
kindness, and I'm going to try
to set you up to fail in our
conversation so that I can still
be unique.
But I also secretly want to
prove that you're a liar and
that you're you're not unique
and authentic.
So I'm going to push all your
buttons.
Why is that greedy?
Because you're not having
compassion for the emotional
depth that that person is ready
or willing to share with you.
And miserly, you're withholding
your ability to simply be in joy
with people and to be in their
emotions instead of your own.
So that's the irony of the
fours, is they're probably the
most intuitive on the Enneagram,
but their need for to be
different, to be authentic,
blocks the thing that they
really want, which is connection
and love and to be seen for who
they really are, not for the
masks that they put on.
And I think type fours have a
deep longing, which creates
probably more loneliness than
than they need.
And the thing that you really
crave is connection and
belonging, because that's what
we all crave.
It's a human, it's a human, it's
a basic human need is for
connection and um to be seen, to
be witnessed, and to be
vulnerable with other people.
Vulnerability is not trauma
dumping.
It's not, you know, telling and
projecting your intense emotions
on other people because you're
not being generous with their
space, their time, and their
feelings, right?
Like what they're experiencing
in the world.
And that's where we really need
to hold space for am I trauma
dumping?
And is that, isn't that kind of
a type of greed?
Like you will join me in my pain
because my pain's the only thing
that matters.
And I'm not judging you because
I've been very guilty of doing
this.
When I was in the deepest part
of my shadow as a seven, I was
very much like a four.
And I see the four now a lot
more clearly through my own
shadow work and through my own
journey.
And that depth, oh man, that's
what's your genius.
That depth, your ability to go
deep is your genius.
That's your intuitive genius.
And we also want to be able to
embrace the joy of the season.
Like look for the joy all around
you.
Don't look for the scarcity and
the loneliness.
Look for the appreciation of
people who actually do amazing,
beautiful things this time of
year.
And step into the joy of the
people who are actually doing
things that matter.
And I mean, that is really what
helped me come out of my
scarcity mindset was witnessing
people who were doing amazing
things in the world and saying,
how can I do that too?
Heneogram fives, I'm gonna call
you the misers, miserliness of
the miserliness.
And I can say this with love
because in a healthy state, I'm
a very much a type five.
And um, I will just say um type
fives are the masters of
miserliness.
It's time, energy, emotional
bandwidth, knowledge.
Everything is rationed in
relationships.
This can feel like emotional
withdrawal, minimal connection.
Like you have this deep meaning
in connection with another
person, and then you immediately
withdraw as if they're gonna
take too much from you.
And then the other person's
like, What happened?
I thought we were finally
connecting.
And then you like, where'd you
go?
And then they actually feel more
lonely than before.
And um, in your mind, you're
like, Well, I gave you that.
Now I'm good for the year,
right?
Like, I feel tapped.
Um, and so it could be that
someone has asked you to feel
too much or to feel too much
closeness, to feel like they've
put too much of a demand on your
heart and what you were capable
of experiencing.
Um, this can cause you to shut
down.
And this isn't cruelty.
I want you to know that this is
not cruelty, it's a protection
strategy that was created
usually between the ages of
birth and eight years old.
And what happens is they go
super introvert and they just
want to go and study and learn
and be in their own world
because this is hard for them to
be that emotionally drained by
other people.
So if you love a five, I just
want you to know that, you know,
be patient with them.
If you're having a conflict with
a five, please be generous with
them because they will take what
you say and they'll walk away
and need to process it by
themselves.
Not because they can't sit with
you in the conflict, but because
they really want to think about
what you've said and process it.
And they're a little bit slower
when it comes to processing
other people's big feelings.
So, you know, if you push them
into a fight with you, they're
gonna get into a fight with you,
but it's not gonna be them, it's
gonna be their wounded self,
right?
Not their higher self.
So um, fives can be very greedy
with their time, and they often
get stuck in business.
Like if you're an entrepreneur,
because they're not actually
using the knowledge and applying
it, or they just want to keep
learning what they want to learn
and not learn the thing that
they need to learn to grow their
business and to align with their
soul's mission.
And that could also be true in
relationships, like maybe they
want to go learn this other
thing instead of learning the
thing that they need to learn in
order to improve their quality
of relationships.
Like maybe they need to learn
better communication skills
instead of learning um, you
know, 28 texts to flirt with
your wife or husband so that you
don't actually have to do it in
person.
I don't know what you're out
there learning, but that that's
just, you know, you you might
not be learning the thing that
you need to learn.
And this is where greed can get
in your way because you're such
a good learner.
You're so good at it, and you're
so good at educating yourself
and you're so good at obtaining
knowledge, but let's not hoard
it and be greedy with it.
Let's share it with the world
and you know, also examine am I
learning the things that's gonna
help me, the the things that are
going to help me, or am I just
relearning the things I already
know?
And I know as a body worker,
like I keep wanting to just take
more classes on the human body.
And my higher self is like, no,
I need you to take classes on
narcissistic abuse recovery.
I need you to take classes on
sales and marketing, I need you
to take classes on these other
things.
And when I'm in migraine, I'm
like, no, I just want to go,
like, why can't I just go study
human anatomy?
And it's always like, no,
because that's not the thing
that's gonna help bring your
true purpose and your mission
onto the planet.
You're hoarding knowledge and
you're actually withholding
because of it.
So, you know, that is a that is
part of, you know, I think
growing is looking at all of
these different chest like
shadow aspects and going, oh,
where am I withholding?
Where am I being greedy?
Where am I being miserly?
And am I willing to shift that
so that I can grow and so that I
can align with my higher, my
highest path of potential and
things like that.
So Enneagram six.
You have agreed for anxiety, my
friend.
Believe it or not, I know that's
a strange, strange statement,
but your anxiety gives you
energy.
And a lot of the time when
you're feeling a sense of calm,
you'll start doom scrolling,
looking for the latest
conspiracy theory or how AI is
going to take over your brain.
Because this negative certainty
actually makes you feel a little
bit safer in the world.
So I know that's a strange
thing, and for all of the other
types out there, this is unique
to the type six.
So you, your anxiety gives you
energy.
Your focus on what could go
wrong actually gives you more
energy today.
So, but it can then, because
you're then once you get into
that greediness for it, you
actually become so hyper-focused
on what could go wrong, you're
going to freeze instead of
movement.
So, what's the cost of this?
Because you you miss what's
right now.
Anxiety steals your future from
you.
That's what it does, it steals
your future.
Um, because you're actually
creating a negative vision of
your future on the fly.
It's like what you focus on is
what you create.
So if you focus on all the
things that could go wrong,
you're probably not focusing on
anything that is right right
now.
And you're missing the present
moment.
And the present moment is all
that we really have in our
lives.
It's right now.
Like, even you giving me your
attention right now is you in
the present moment.
Whether you're driving or taking
care of the kids or you know, at
work and I'm just playing around
in the background, present
moment right now is all you
really have.
Because you don't know what's
gonna happen tomorrow.
You can think you know, you can
have stress about what might
happen tomorrow.
You could think the world is
gonna fall apart at the end of
the year.
Don't you remember 1999?
Hello, we all thought the
banking systems were gonna
crash, and guess what?
It didn't.
It didn't crash.
It was fine.
And, you know, every year people
f make money on feeding on our
fear, and fear creates anxiety,
which can get you energized,
right?
Give you energy.
Like, hello, when your your
nervous system goes up into that
anxious state, suddenly I can
lift a car off of a small child.
And, you know, there's a reason
for it.
You'll drain your adrenal glands
and have nothing left for
yourself if you are constantly
in anxiety.
You need to learn how to come
into a state of calm and
appreciate the present moment.
And I will say breath work,
tapping, um, pulling my thoughts
back.
Sometimes I do this exercise
where I just see my thoughts
turn into feathers and they just
kind of gently glide down and go
into my heart.
If you're in my membership, uh
teach presence a lot because
this is something that a lot of
people struggle with, and stress
is a killer, literally a killer.
It is killing people.
I I don't know the current
statistics, but when I was
researching it recently,
lifestyle illness was I think
80% of the illness that is
plaguing humanity right now.
It's high.
And I mean, lifestyle illness is
the things that we could avoid
by lifestyle choices.
So type six is your anxiety is
is can get out of control, pull
it back and be in the present
moment.
Appreciate what's going right
right now, be generous and
gracious for all of the problems
that you have that you get to
fix, right?
Like I was doing that the other
day, because I have a six-wing,
right?
So I was like, how can I be um
very present and appreciative?
Because I think appreciation is
one of the antidotes to greed,
for you know, the debt I took on
in order to grow my business.
And you know, when I started
looking around at this room of
people, some at this
entrepreneur conference, I'm
like, oh, you uh I had this deep
gratitude for the opportunity to
be in that room, to be able to
be in that room with these
people, these these some high
achievers, some low achievers,
like the whole spectrum of
people who want to make the
world a better place.
And I had this overwhelming
gratitude for the opportunity of
being there.
And it took away the anxiety of
making the decision will I join
next level, will I not join next
level?
Because I just came into a deep
appreciation for the
opportunities that I have.
And I think for the type sixes,
appreciation, gratitude, that
brings you back into the current
moment.
And you just look around you.
Like one of the tools I learned
was look around the room and
notice all the things that are
yellow, take a deep breath in,
look around the room and notice
all of the things that are blue
and take a deep breath in.
And you can do that to bring
yourself out of that, you know,
hyperfixated on what could go
wrong, um, which is you know
withholding joy from the present
moment.
And it's really living in that
chaotic energy.
Any Ram sevens, my friends.
I love you.
We are so greedy with pleasure,
we are so greedy with passion
and possibility.
And I will say that that that
reflects in our food choices,
the experiences that we want to
create, that we crave, our
passion for whatever we're
obsessed about today, um, for
connection, for stimulation.
And there is so much never
enough in us that it's kind of
sad, actually.
Um, we want more excitement,
more intimacy, more joy, more,
more, more, more, more.
Type sevens are like the
gluttons of the Enneagram, which
is basically greed.
I want more, more, more, more,
more, more, more.
It's never enough, never enough,
never enough.
And I will say most of that
stems from avoiding the painful
emotion.
Like, I think it was in
November.
I started realizing it was
drinking a lot more.
And I was like, that's weird.
I kind of shifted that habit a
while ago.
And so I created a recode to
help reduce um overdrinking.
And I put it on YouTube, so it's
on YouTube.
I'll put a link in the show
notes.
But um it wouldn't shift.
And I was like, oh, why isn't my
recode working?
And it was because I wasn't
addressing the habit, the thing
that was driving the habit.
I was addressing the habit and
not the root cause.
And for me, the root cause was
loneliness.
I was avoiding this, like, oh
man, for those of you who are
going through emptiness
syndrome, I had no idea how hard
it would be to transition from
full-time mothering to living
alone and being single at 50.
I did not know how hard that
would be.
I was ill prepared for it.
Just like when you have a baby
and you don't know how hard it
will be because you won't sleep
and you'll smell like breast
milk all the time and your body
starts doing weird things that
you're ill-prepared for.
I would say 50 is the same way
if your kids are flying the
coop.
It, it has been the hardest
thing for me to go through.
Um, and I I always say in my
head, like, oh, it would be so
much easier if I was married.
But that's not actually true
because maybe my husband
wouldn't want to grow with me.
And I would be wanting to grow
right now and I might be stuck.
So that's actually, you know,
just a lie that I've been
telling myself for the last
several years.
However, I digress.
Um when we're like at a portal
of change, there's pain that
comes up, right?
And that can be a portal of
change in your career, it could
be a portal of change in
society, it can be a portal of
change for anything.
There's pain that's going to
come up and to be asked to
witness and released.
And since type sevens really
don't like to sit with pain,
other people's pain is fine.
Our own, it's like, oh no, I'm
fine.
Um, we don't want to sit in our
own discomfort long enough to
hear what's underneath the urge
or the frequency or the craving
in order to get to the other
side of it.
And in the process of sitting
with your discomfort comes so
much depth and growth.
It's like everything you ever
wanted is on the other side of
that uncomfortable feeling.
And there's more intimacy, more
joy, more connection.
This relationship with yourself
that is so powerful and so
beautiful.
Like now, when I see my higher
self at first, I was like, you,
like, uh, um, I don't know you.
And now I'm like, she's the most
glorious, like generous like
being.
And I'm like, I hope one day I'm
like you.
Like, and she's like, you are
me, but like, okay, you're also
a little bit strange.
That's okay.
You're a seven.
Um, so at its core, like
honestly, our greediness for
pleasure is this fear of being
trapped in pain.
And generosity for a seven is
staying when it's uncomfortable.
It's slowing down and not
letting your fear of being late
or letting your son down make
you stop and actually look at
the woman next to you and say,
actually, what do you need and
how can I help you?
If I wasn't worried about time,
like, how can I help other
people in need?
How can I stop looking at how I
might be late or how can I
control time?
And how can I be present and
appreciate the time that I have
right now?
Because I actually think a lot
of sevens don't know this, but
their relationship with time is
one of the weirdest things that
really doesn't get talked about
enough.
And it's this fear of there's
just not enough time to get
everything done.
Because you have this beautiful,
exciting mind and it wants to do
everything.
And in order to do everything,
you have to have more time.
So your your greed comes in like
looking for more time, but it
can create an overwhelm that
then makes you go into
discomfort, which then makes you
actually kind of unfortunately
destroy time by over drinking,
overeating, over Netflixing,
over, you know, all of the
things.
And then you end up getting sick
and you lose time.
So I'm speaking from a very
personal.
Personal experience right now.
So generosity for a seven looks
like letting one experience be
enough, being present to all of
the feelings that you're having
in the moment and allowing that
depth to be there without being
so afraid of the depth of the
emotion that you flee into the
next one because that's the
thing you were chasing in the
first place.
So as I'm like sitting at this
conference and we're doing this
spoon-bending activity where we
take a spoon and we learn how to
turn it into um, we we connect
into the matter of it and we can
bend it with our minds,
basically.
And, you know, you are using
your fingers, so there's fingers
too, but you you do feel the
metal like melt, and then all of
a sudden the spoon just twists.
If you've never seen The Matrix,
go watch it.
It's where the uh guru that Neo
finds um shows him that you know
we are all matter and that we
can control matter with our
intention.
And the first time I did this, I
was very afraid of success, and
that and that is what came up.
And as soon as the spoon started
bending, I felt myself block it,
and it was my fear of success.
This time I knew I could bend
the spoon.
And I was sitting there and I
was playing with the spoon and I
could feel it bending, and I was
like, okay, cool, this is gonna
work again.
I'm excited, I'm just gonna let
go and surrender.
And I just felt like light come
through me and transform the
spoon.
And I started thinking about all
the people I loved and
transferring that into the
spoon.
And um then I started getting
curious because sevens are very
curious by nature.
And I started thinking, like,
what if I could get the spoon to
do this really cool thing that I
want it to do?
And I literally saw a vision of
like a Christ-like figure stand
in front of me and said to me,
You will you always do this.
You you figure it out, and then
you want to contort it and
control it.
And that's when you stop
letting, you know, the divine
flow through you.
And this is not a problem.
You were designed this way to be
very curious and to want to
figure out how everything works.
And that's what your geniuses,
but that's also what's blocking
you.
Can you say this now?
And I just kind of laughed and I
was like, oh, I can say this
now.
And the generosity was really
just letting the energy flow
through me and not thinking that
I had to do anything about it.
Like I when I'm doing energy
work or when I'm doing recodes,
I just let it flow through me.
And I get out of the way and I
just let whatever needs to come
through for the groups I work
with or for the individual
clients I work with flow through
me.
I let the knowledge flow through
me, and I don't try to control
anything.
And it's when I'm actually in my
genius, is when I just step out
of the way and I let everything
flow the way that it was
supposed to flow.
As soon as I start trying to
control, then everything falls
apart.
So that was a lesson for me in
the spoon-bending thing.
It was like really being
generous with my energy and just
allowing it to flow and not
withholding it and pulling it
inward, thinking that there's
not enough energy in the
universe to fuel everyone.
And maybe it's sometimes I'm
just the conduit for the energy,
and it doesn't deplete me
because it just flows through
me.
I know a lot of people when they
do energy work, they say things
like, Oh, I get really depleted,
and I ask, like, are you is it
coming from you or is it going
through you?
Because there's a huge
distinction.
One will make you greedy
afterwards where you don't want
to do a lot of energy work, and
the other one leaves you both
feeling completely energized,
and nothing is depleted at all.
Um, so but that also comes with
a depth of understanding of who
my higher self is and how to
work with that energy to help
other people.
In relationships, it means doing
introspective work.
Where am I being greedy with
time?
Where am I being withholding
appreciation and gratitude for
what other people have done
instead of holding them to an
expectation that they don't even
know I'm holding them to?
Um, and where am I being greedy
with love?
Like, because I think sevens
crave intimacy so much, but they
can be very greedy with it, uh,
mostly because they're afraid of
it and you know, really being
vulnerable with other people.
Okay, so Enneagram eights uh can
be very greedy with power and
control and intensity.
Uh, they want loyalty, truth,
and strength, and they want it
now.
And in relationships, this can
feel overwhelming or dominating,
even when the intention is
protection.
So the eight has this almost
like miserliness of I'll make
sure nobody hurts what's mine,
right?
And that could be their own
heart and their own people,
without looking at the bigger
thing that's happening around
them.
And, you know, I would say if
we're just looking back at the
definition of greed, um, which
is um, you know, being, you
know, what are you, it's like
this action, right?
It's like this, this forward
energy.
So it's reaching outwardly.
So where are they trying to
control everything instead of
being present with who everyone
is, right?
Where are they doing to create
more power instead of being love
and vulnerable with people?
And I think like sevens, eights
tend to be very driven by their
this insatiable hunger as well.
And I think sevens and eights
are, you know, probably two of
the highest ones for like
overindulging in things,
especially this time of year,
right?
Because you're gonna be
activated by oh, this you know,
Mocha thing is only out this
time of year.
I need to get one every day.
Um, things like that.
You're gonna feel more tension
in your body.
Eights have a huge need to
release energy from their body.
So the greed is gonna come
through in this way of like, as
soon as their greed is
activated, they're gonna want to
take action right now, instead
of looking at the trigger and
going, is that what I actually
want?
Or am I is somebody getting in
there unconsciously and
activating my need for power?
And then miserliness, remember,
is it's an inward thing.
So are people asking me to be in
my feelings?
Um, and I don't want to be.
So am I withholding, am I
retracting my love, my emotions,
my vulnerability, and being busy
doing other things so that I can
avoid feeling deep intimacy with
the people who are begging for
me to be intimate with them, to
be emotionally available, to be
present, to not try to solve
their problems, but just to be
with them and to love them.
Um eights are, oh my gosh,
they're powerful, powerful
people.
You're more powerful when your
feelings are allowed to be
present and you can be with
other people's feelings as well.
Enneagram nines.
Your miserliness is this
withholding of you, my friend.
Simply you.
Um, you have this unconscious
pattern that says you don't
matter.
And when that happens is you go
into this safe of inner
protection where you withhold
you and you simply reflect back
to people who they are, and
instead of actually letting them
know who you are.
And with this, you're
withholding your truth, you
minimize your own needs, and you
merge with people instead of
engaging with people.
And people love you because
you're basically them, right?
So, like they say, oh, this is
the most easygoing person on the
planet.
Um, they're so easy to get along
with, they're so easy.
But it's only it's not because
you're not easy, it's because
you're actually not being you,
you're just merging with the
people around you.
And so this holiday season, you
could be completely drained,
especially if you're around a
lot of people you haven't seen
in a while, and you're trying to
merge with too many people.
Um, you're afraid of conflict.
So instead of addressing the
deep um, I would call it
suppressed rage and anger that's
inside of you, you just mirror
and match what other people want
you to be so that you don't
actually have to address
conflict in a healthy way.
Now, where your miserly is, is
your unwillingness to learn how
to have healthy conflict.
And if you have someone who
loves you enough to challenge
you to have healthy conflict,
and I am talking from a personal
thing with my daughter and I,
because we had a huge conflict
last week.
And I was like, I don't want to
fight with you.
I want to teach you how to have
healthy conflict with me so that
we can get to the other side of
it, having a deeper
understanding of who we are as
adults.
I don't need you to be who I
think, who you think I want you
to be.
In fact, I want you to just
simply know that you matter and
that that who you are matters to
me, the real you, not who you
think I need to see, not you
being like me, but like you,
your true self.
And, you know, it we had a lot
of conflict, and her avoidance
to conflict came up really big,
and you know, it ended up with a
lot of projection.
And I was in a lot of
self-reflection too that week
because I went into the whole
trip with this intention of
self-reflection.
And I realized this is normal
for mothers and daughters,
especially mothers of adult
daughters who are, you know,
learning how to adult.
And creating this new
relationship with an adult child
is a very unique experience.
I'll just say that for all of
you who are transitioning to
adulting parents, um, adulting
adults, parenting adults.
That's what I was trying to say.
And then um, so Enneagram nines,
and this is true even when
they're teenagers, is they
they're afraid to take up space.
They they don't want to speak
their discomfort, so they deny
it.
And you know, they numb out.
And so you'll actually see them
dissociate completely and they
won't be there.
And they'll be like, I don't
know what you're talking about,
I don't have any thoughts at
all.
And it's like, no, that's
dissociation.
That's not that's not
meditation, that's dissociation.
There's a difference.
So what the nine can do is, you
know, engage with people and
learn how to have conflict with
someone and resolve it.
Otherwise, it just gets stored
up in your body and turns into
disease.
It turns into gut health and um
irregular bowel issues, all
kinds of body disease for the
type 9, more than anyone, I
think, is it's going to express
itself as a disease in your body
later in life.
Learn how to have a healthy
conflict with someone and how to
do it from a place of
authenticity.
You're gonna appreciate that
skill set later.
And I would say, you know,
that's where you're gonna be
generous, is to be yourself with
people, to allow people to see
the real you, the one that you
hide, um, and to choose to
engage with them, like
generosity and engagement and
presence, uh, instead of
withholding the most valuable
part of you, which is your
authentic self, the true you.
Um, so I hope this was helpful.
This is my holiday holiday
generosity episode, um, which
honestly, right now, this time
of year, is the best time to
look at am I being greedy or am
I being generous?
And I really want you to
challenge yourself.
This is not about money.
I'm talking about time, love,
attention, the things that
matter.
I mean, that really matter.
Because when we get to our
deathbeds, right at the end of
our life, we're not really
thinking about all the money
that we collected or all of the
gifts under the tree.
I'm thinking about the giant
saran wrap ball that I did one
year for my family and the joy
they all had on their faces as
they were trying to unwrap it
with oven mitts.
I'm thinking about the smiles,
the connection, the magic.
I'm thinking about, you know,
the mashed potatoes that went
wrong, the things that make life
funny, that make life worth
living.
I wasn't thinking about how many
socks I got.
I'm thinking about the look on
my kids' faces when they ran
down the stairs and, you know,
Santa came and the twinkle in
their eyes and the knowing that
the world was magic.
I'm thinking about the people I
get to help.
I'm thinking about the love that
I get to experience.
I never think about the gifts
and the stuff.
Because to me, generosity is the
experiences that we get to share
with people.
Generosity is the love and the
connection and the community
that we build.
And, you know, allowing people
to support you and allowing
yourself to support others and
feel generous with intimacy and
connection.
And that's what I want you all
to just think about this time of
year is is your heart open?
Is your energy flowing?
Is are you feeling stabilized in
love and relationships?
Is are you feeling like you can
give from a grounded place?
Or are you sacrificing people
pleasing and giving until you
feel completely empty, burned
out, depleted, and angry?
Because, you know, December 27th
is gonna roll around and the
hype of the holiday shopping
season is gonna be over and the
presents are gonna be unwrapped
and unfold and it was it worth
it.
Did you feel present?
Did you experience the magic,
the joy, and the blessings and
appreciation for everything you
have around you?
Or do you feel like you're about
to open up your credit card
statement and go, oh crap, now I
gotta worry about that.
How am I gonna hustle hard
enough to pay that off?
What do I have to compromise or
give up?
And there's no shame in it.
Whatever your choice is, I hope
you feel good about it and that
you appreciate the experiences
that you're creating right now.
And my generous gift is because
I have a generous gift at the
end of all of this, my
membership is going up to a
higher price in the new year.
And I am doing a$1 trial right
now.
And if you sign up for the from
the link in the show notes, um
you'll get your first month for
a dollar.
And then for all of 2026, you
will only pay$27 a month, which
is insane when I look at the
market research on what
memberships go for.
Now, in Summer Tribe, what we're
gonna be focusing on next year
is learning how to use your
intuition to create more higher
self-alignment, which basically
means you're aligned with your
true higher self, with who you
are.
You will know yourself and
you'll be able to work through
the old story and actually make
lasting change.
And it's interesting as I look
back at the last four years
since I found the superconscious
work, um, how much I've changed
and how much I didn't realize I
changed until I got into old
situations and old paradigms,
and I'm a new person.
And, you know, I often have to
hold grace for the people around
me who don't know I'm a new
person yet.
And then I also have to hold
space and compassion for myself
for the changes I made.
And, you know, as I was sitting
at BBD Live, which was my
entrepreneur conference, and I
saw this Christ-like figure in
front of me, and he asked me, Is
this what you want?
Because, you know, you need to
learn some new skills in order
to grow the online business that
you have.
Are you willing to let go of how
you think it needs to be done to
be coachable and actually put
the effort into learning online
sales and marketing and to be
consistent with it?
And I actually sat with that
question because it was a great
question.
And I said, you know what?
I am ready.
I am ready to learn it.
I'm ready to be coachable, and
I'm ready to step out of my
comfort zone and grow next year.
So I said yes and I joined.
And I didn't have any fear, I
didn't have any um, what was it?
The feeling I had in the past
was this like FOMO, I better do
it now or I'm gonna run out of
time.
I didn't have any of that.
Intuition is like this calm
presence.
It just felt grounded.
And I felt like it was just the
right thing to do.
And I and I didn't question it.
And I'm sure I'll question it as
the charges start coming in on
my credit card and I'm like, oh
my gosh, was this worth the
investment?
The answer is yes.
So, Tabitha, if you're listening
to this in the future, the
answer was yes.
And you just have to do one
thing at a time and follow your
own intuition and be coachable.
And I think that, you know, that
is what I hope for a lot of you
who might be ready for growth
next year.
Is, you know, if you're ready,
the the program that I've
created is actually really good.
And I don't often appreciate the
work that my past self has put
into all of it, um, or the
transformations that we get for
people.
And then I get really amazing
text messages from my clients
who say, Oh my God, I just
listened to this.
And it totally shifted my whole
perspective of the planet and
who I am within it.
And thank you for creating this.
And those are the best, right?
Because it's like, oh, this hard
work I've been putting in makes
a difference.
And, you know, I want to make a
difference and stop being so
greedy with my knowledge and to
reach more people, make a bigger
impact on the planet in 2026
because I'm ready and I'm
excited about it actually.
And I hope that you're excited
too.
So if you know someone who wants
to make a change in their life,
and it could be in their health,
their money, um, their
relationship status, in how they
interact with their family,
their kids, their community, um,
send them my way.
I'm gonna put the link down
below.
It will expire on December 31st,
2025 at midnight, just like
Cinderella and her little
pumpkin.
Um, because this is actually a
very short um trial that I'm
doing to see if it works for
marketing and sales because I'm
gonna have some fun with it next
year.
And, you know,$27 a month.
I mean, I that's less than a
dollar a day.
Like seriously, you can't even
get coffee for that much.
So come check it out.
It's only a dollar.
And uh I would like to see you
there.
And, you know, the cool thing
is, is whether or not you think
you're ready to heal or not, you
can do it in private.
And I think that's why I created
it was because there was a time
I needed privacy when I was
healing.
And I didn't really want to be
in a group and vulnerable with
people and watching them
watching them watch me snot
everywhere.
I didn't want that.
I wanted to just be with myself
in it.
And the cool thing about Soma
Tribe is you can be with
yourself or you could be in the
community.
It doesn't matter.
Whatever is right for you in
that moment, both are totally
fine.
You can just lurk around and
watch the replays and not
actually show up to the calls
and get just as much out of it
as people who really thrive in
community.
Um, and that's why I created it
that way because I think that
there is a time in everyone's
healing journey when when they
do need a little bit of alone
time to just be with themselves.
So, probably all of you type
fives out there, this was for
you.
And type sevens.
Any of you who don't like
vulnerability.
So there we go.
I love you all.
And I'm looking forward to doing
this segment on my 12 gifts of
the holiday season.
And I'm looking forward to being
consistent with it.
And now that I have my voice
back, uh, I look forward to um
spending some time with you this
holiday season.
Take care and uh happy holidays.