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We share stories of how the blood of Jesus has transformed ours and others' lives.
Hey everybody, welcome to Red Ledger. Today, Tyler's joining us from Arizona and we're going to discuss why it is important to say no to even good things sometimes. And it could be a worthy cause, a just cause, a good thing. And I'm going to share why God thinks it's a good idea too. So Tyler, has there ever been a time in your life where you didn't know it was okay to say no?
Yeah, pretty frequently. I would say that was the theme of my first 20 years of living. It was never something I really learned about or felt comfortable doing with saying no. I always felt like I needed approval from the people around me. And sometimes I feel that way. I don't think anybody kind of escapes that a hundred percent.
But what became my last straw was working with a recording artist who I felt was taking advantage of me. I am a mixing and mastering engineer, so I mix records and make things sound nice. And I was working with an artist at the time who would never really pay for sessions, and I was okay with it at the beginning because I was just learning when we met.
As time continued, my skills developed and I just started to feel taken advantage of. I never said no to that artist because I just cared so much about what he thought about me because I thought he was cool. And, you know, I ended up becoming passive aggressive and resentful to that person without realizing that this was all my fault in the beginning because I just couldn't say no.
I never learned to say no because, you know, I needed his validation so badly because, you know, I needed everybody's validation so badly because that's where I found my worth, you know, so that's kind of my story with not being able to say no.
I think that happens a lot. And I think I was probably instrumental in that training of you.
So for those of you who are new to our show, Tyler is my son. I think that if I look back on my past, I can see where maybe I trained you for that because my story is very similar to yours and I look at where it started for me because I felt like it was my job to help anyone who needed it. And I came to a point in my life probably seven or eight years ago where I was so overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted that I truly, I just didn't even want to live anymore.
I didn't see. I didn't see any way out of my life. I didn't see any way of getting my life back because it had never really been mine. It was anyone who needed something. And I think that training came from my mom who got it from her mom. And we kind of had this generational thing where there's some wild dysfunction in our family, where there weren't great boundaries set, guidelines, structure.
And definitely not appropriate love. And so I learned early on how to earn love. And that was through getting good attention by doing good things for, for my parents or for my friends. And I saw that that worked and that's how I survived. But eventually those attagirls that I really strove to get, They didn't sustain me anymore.
Yeah.
And I did. I was like, well, you said, I started to get resentful towards people who want, even asked me to do something and I would do it, but I would be so hateful about it inside and frustrated. And, you know, I just got to a point where I couldn't do it anymore. And I, I really, I got in the car one time after helping somebody with a medical crisis and it was not a healthy situation.
That's when I really saw that my life wasn't mine. And I kind of
went in
this black hole, like not seeing a way out. And I would fantasize about running away to a different country. And then it got to the point where, okay, it was, the rain was coming down so hard. And the windshield wipers were going so fast and I couldn't see and I just, I just pressed on the gas and I asked God to take me, but he didn't.
And it leaving the country was truly like, I was planning it in my head, but I never want my kids to feel abandoned because my dad kind of left us and I felt abandoned a little bit. So I went to a therapist, and gave her the rundown on everyone in my life that were draining me. And I was waiting with a bated breath.
I'm like, how are we going to deal with these people? How are we going to fix them? How are we going to get rid of all these crazy people around me that are causing me so much stress? And, and she said, have you ever considered saying no? No, I got to save these people. You don't know who I'm dealing with.
Yeah. Don't you get it? That's
funny.
They need my help. They need me to save them, but. But anyway, I started to learn to say no, and my life started to change dramatically. And I, I no longer have some of those friends, thankfully at that time, but yeah, my life has changed dramatically since just experimenting with the word now, because she planted a seed and it did take several years for it to take.
And I feel like. Unfortunately, you know, I, you were probably out of the house where you didn't see the finished product as much, you know, where you weren't living with me. But when you have a mom who's a people pleaser and always trying to get people to love her, you probably learned that too.
Yeah. And it carried on in my life for sure.
In every relationship, friendship with anybody, you know and. You know, ran into the family until it ran into me. So.
Praise God that you don't have kids yet and you learned this and you live a different life. Like, really, because, you know, I mean, God can redeem anything. And that's my prayer for you and Trevor is that he redeems these things that I inappropriately talked and I, I believe he already has.
Both of you have better developed boundaries than I ever did. So I am super grateful. Good.
Good.
Yeah. I am super grateful. Anybody out there, please feel free to type in the comment section. Have you ever had a hard time saying no to people and, you know, tell us what it was about in the comments. Maybe you lent money to a friend that you didn't really want to, or didn't really feel good about.
Maybe you said yes to something you really didn't have time for and then regretted it later. Or sometimes I would do that with my family. Like I would say yes to somebody else and then my family paid the price for my absence. And this is kind of why this came up is maybe if you're in the ministry, which we are all called to be ministers of the gospel.
So if you're You're a Christian, you're called to the ministry in some way, even if it's in your own, own home or on the street, maybe you said to helping the church and it turned into a part time job that you didn't really bargain for. And so the problem with saying yes to the wrong thing, it can really affect your life and your calling.
It can affect the race that God prepared for you. And I think that's why this conversation is important. Cause. Like I said, you're called to be a minister of the gospel. You too, Tyler, everyone, we're all assigned to go. And he gave us these unique talents, gifts, and abilities to be his conduit. Now, if we let the enemy or our fleshly need for somebody else's approval, direct our steps instead of Jesus.
You know, that's when we end up with a better pill out at the end of our race instead of a job well done. It was really difficult for me as a Christian to say no, because I did read the Word. I did know what it said. It tells us that we're supposed to love one another, right?
So, I think there is a stigma that setting boundaries is selfish, and I think this applies to many groups, but in particular the Christian community.
I think that comes for a couple of reasons, though, too, Tyler, because I think, like, if you go online, If you say something that somebody deems as selfish, they will attack you and say, you're being selfish. I thought you're, you know, I thought you were supposed to be selfless. You're a Christian.
People feel like they're not being a good enough example of selfless love.
And they feel like they need to work harder for the church and do all this and do A, B, C, and D to, to almost gain virtue for it. To that, for what has been stolen or earned the love. Exactly. Yeah. And or
earn grace.
Yeah. And not even realize that, you know, maybe you can say no, because you need to protect your ability to perform God's will, you know, instead of this.
You know, like I said, and it kind of roots down to what we said earlier, you know, wanting people's validation.
And I think that's the trick, right? If we're looking for somebody's validation, if we're looking for God's validation, and I think that's where we get tripped up because this was really particularly hard for me because You know, my parents did talk about honor and what honor meant to them and what honor meant to God were two different things.
So that was tricky for me. And then also there is some amount of submission and authority that we have for our pastors, for our parents, for the people in our lives, right? That we're supposed to abide for or Biden. And I think the Bible teaches us, right? His word says to be selfless in Corinthians. We're taught that we are supposed to be long suffering.
We're taught, and Jesus in the Beatitudes reinforces this, you know, if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, give them your cloak too. If somebody compels you to go a mile, go another mile. Or if somebody wants to borrow from you, don't turn them away. So it kind of sets up this feeling of we're supposed to help people.
Right. And I think this is where I blurred the lines as a Christian, because I even would with your dad, I would be like, of course we have to help them. We're Christians. We're good people. And you know, he had these well developed boundaries and I just thought, okay, I'm a good person because I want to be good.
Right. Remember? Cause I had to earn that.
Yeah.
And, and he would be like, this is insane. Why are we doing this for this person? This is wrong. Yeah.
Yeah.
But. So you have people like me, you know, who are Christians only reading the word and not thinking about God's will in it.
Mm hmm.
And that's where I think the line gets blurred when we're asked or somebody, you know, asks us to do something good.
It's really up to us to discern if the request from others is in our job description,
the
one God gave us.
Yeah, I completely agree.
So thankfully, since this was a problem for me, and I did do some research on this over the years because I felt like I had to be long suffering, meaning. If I wasn't suffering, it probably wasn't good.
And so God wants us to be cheerful givers and he wants us to do his will. Thankfully, Jesus gave us a great example of how to deal with these kind of requests in Luke 2, 41 through 52. Him and his family were traveling to Jerusalem for the Passover festival. It was time to head home. Everyone's packing up.
They're heading in their caravan, bouncing down the road. And after about a day's travel, they realize Jesus isn't with them. And I'm thinking, a day's travel, they notice their kid isn't with them. OK, so I have questions here. And then they take another three days to find him in Jerusalem, and he's hanging out in the temple with his teachers.
So I think of what I'm would happen with you if you had taken off at 12 years old, right? And he'd be like, okay, where are you at? And I did check on this because he was 12 and he wasn't at an age of an accountability. He wasn't a man yet, even in those days, because I'm one, this is weird. Like he didn't ask for permission, right?
Cause that would have been a good thing if he would have said, Hey mom, you mind if I stay or Hey mom, I'm going to stay behind. Right. Wouldn't you think those would be good? So, and anyway, so Mary, obviously an understandably anxious goes into admonish him. And he says in verse 49, why do you seek me? Did you not know that I'd be about my father's business?
And he probably didn't say it snotty like that, but it was interesting to me that He's asking the question, why are you even looking for me? Like, didn't you know, of course I'm going to be about my father's business. Cause that's what I do. And
you didn't expect this to me.
And so I find it interesting because I've heard pastors preach on this differently that he was never disobedient.
Okay. So he wasn't because I've always had a problem with this particular scripture. And my problem was like, well, he was disobedient to his parents. I mean, if she was anxious, but in a couple of verses, like, you know, Mary treasured it all in her heart. Like it, you know, it was no big deal after he said it was, he was about his father's business.
It all made sense then. So I look at this and I see, okay, what we think is good, right? Is our kids would let us know where they're going to be so we didn't have to be worried about them. Right. He's saying, you didn't have to worry about me because of course, I'm about my father's business and the will of God trumps everything is what that told me.
The seemingly good thing of Jesus being where he's supposed to be, right? Cause that's what we would consider good wasn't nearly as important as what God's will was for him. And how interesting that she just understood that. Well, of course she, you know, She did have God's baby. So
when you birthed God, I don't know.
Exactly.
I mean, I have so many questions about that completely unrelated to what we're talking about. Like if you're, if you lose baby Jesus, like that freaks me out a little bit. Like, was she worried? Like she lost the son of God.
Yeah.
Like that would have freaked me out.
Yeah.
And they don't address it, but it would have been an interesting, like, it's something I want to know one day,
like,
cause I've lost you kids before for a second or for, you know, where you just don't see you and the stress of that.
But I can't imagine losing Jesus.
I know, huh? The savior of humanity.
He said no throughout scripture. Or another place that You know, many times in scripture, like another place that was important to me when I was studying this out is his mom and his brother interrupted him while he's speaking to a crowd because they wanted a word with him. And there's a lot of commentaries that say that he thought he was, they thought he was mad and that they should interrupt.
And I don't know where they get that. Cause I don't see any indication of why that's true, but they did interrupt him. And Jesus said no to them interrupting. He said he was with his brothers and sisters, his new family. Right. So he says no to the interruption, which I find interesting because if my mom came in and I was speaking to a crowd, I'd probably stop and go, okay, what's going on?
Like something must be important here. But he said, no, he's about his father's business. He was about his family. And that's where his father had him.
He did have some pretty mighty objectives along his path. Yeah, that something trivial might not have felt as compelling, I guess. Yeah.
Well, and we don't even know what it was.
I would assume if my mom was interrupting me and I was speaking to a crowd that this would be important and I should probably stop.
Yeah.
If my mom, you know, but it is interesting also to me completely unrelated that they think they would know better than Jesus.
Yeah.
And don't we do that sometimes?
Well, yeah, it's easy to kind of in this limited mind that we have to do something like that.
Limited understanding and going through the temporal existence that we live. I can see why that happens. Yes. I think a an example in the Bible that kind of explains that he's on his father's business is that he was never in a rush anywhere. He walked. Every single place he went to. He was never running.
He was never traveling fast. He just walked slowly. And you know, he, he never rushed to meet people's needs either. You know, like the story of Lazarus, the, the, the sister's upset about his timing and he's like, it's good
when Lazarus was dying,
when he was dying, she was like scared because like, he wasn't, you know, in a rush.
And he was like, I got it. You know, he doesn't need to, you know, You know, meet the obligatory standards of somebody, somebody else of him, because he knows where God is telling him to go.
That's just it. He was about his father's business always. You know, and John tells us that he didn't speak anything, but what God told him to speak.
He only spoke what the father told him to speak. He only did what his father told him to do. Like his life was the father's business, which is very interesting to me. Like he said no to healing somebody. He said no to the hungry.
Yeah.
Right. Those are good things.
Yeah.
He said no to healing somebody and no defeating the hungry.
And I find that interesting because those are objectively good things. He knew, I don't know if he, well, I think he probably did now, like it might hurt them. And you can see that how I want to try to use the example. I hope I get this right. He, Was asked to feed people after he'd already fed them, right?
They give them the fish and the loaves and then they came back the next day and wanted more food and he said no and To me the reasoning seemed to be that okay. You're just wanting more food You're not really here about following me and doing God's work, right? You're not really about being a disciple And so he knew their heart, that they weren't there for a genuine reason.
And I think that that is the deal. Right? Is we don't always know what somebody else is up to.
Or what we would end up messing up.
Yes.
And in Acts 16, six through 10, Paul and Silas are moving, or trying to go to Asia to go spread the gospel. But it says the spirit of Jesus didn't permit them and God stops them and sends a vision to Paul saying to go to Macedonia instead.
You know, who knows what, why that happened? Who knows like how he could have been led astray, you know, or led other people astray or, or hurt. Or the
mission.
Exactly. What, what, how, how far the gospel could have gone, you know, if he went to Asia instead of Macedonia.
Exactly.
You know, he said, no, do a good thing.
Cause he had a better thing in mind.
Yes. And we, we don't always know his better thing in mind. And I think it's, it's important to like, let go of our pride and think we know better and we know best. Like, like I didn't know, like, I'm not judging Mary about losing Jesus, but But it's a, it's an interesting thought I'd like to, like, have the conversation about with her someday.
And, and it's like, not the easiest thing to, to do that. I have faith in God, but it is kind of this nebulous, mysterious thing that we have. We can peer into the Bible to see, you know, it's, it's not like everyone's automatic thing to just check in with God, know exactly what I'm doing. And it was clear as clear as day that I know I was supposed to do, you know, when it is like clear though, like you have to act on it because it is going to only serve you and the kingdom.
Agreed. And I think if we go about learning how to be about God's business, life changes for us. And I think that is the solution to like, when, when we have somebody request something from us, we have to take in consideration, what is God's will for this? We have to take that moment. I think, especially if it's a big deal, like I get it.
If somebody asks you to pick up some plates or do the kitchen, you just do it. Right? Or you, you can decipher if you have time or not, but sometimes there's some bigger decisions that affect our life and theirs. Finances are often an issue, right? Or. You know, some bigger requests of your time and your resources.
You have to consider, is this going to distract me from what God wants me to do? Or is it part of what God wants me to do? And I think that's the difference between knowing our good versus God's good is knowing, knowing His will for me. Okay. And I was only using part of that. I was just using His word. I wasn't thinking of His will as well.
when I was a mess, when I was freaked out all the time.
And it's also learning to like hear him.
I think it's the key.
And that's, that's the hard part for a lot of people. Right?
It is. And it's, it's a practice. So I think when you've been to the depths or the big pit of hell in here on earth. Depression.
Sometimes it's easier to hear from him because you learn. So your brother and I went through a long rough patch where. We didn't communicate well, and I was not helping him in a very useful way because I was doing what I thought was good and not what God thought was good. It wasn't until I learned to shut my mouth.
And I was very diligent when we, he, I'd see him call, I would, I would be in prayer before I picked it up. I was in prayer as I talked to him and I wouldn't say anything without God's permission. And often he, he said, no, quiet, quiet, quiet. And I just learned to listen more. I learned to hear your brother more and our relationship is amazing now.
And I know it was because it was so important to me to heal that. that I had to learn from God. You know what I mean? I, I had to hear him and it was that constant listening that kind of fine tunes your hearing when you're desperate enough or something. And, and when you're a kid and you aren't in a good place, that's a desperate place.
And I knew I was the cause of it. And so, I needed God's help out of it, but you don't have to get to that desperate place. You can just practice hearing from him. And I think that's it, right?
I think, I, you know, I think it is one of those things though. That's, that's easier said than done.
I don't know.
It's not hard for me anymore, but I, I, it's part of my life. And I think part of being about our father's business is knowing our calling. Okay. And we have to know that from hearing from him. And I don't mean your calling is in like this big overarching calling, like that as well, but the day to day stuff, like, where do you want me today?
Yeah. How do I have this tough conversation with my friend?
Yes. Or I, I, I mean, I talk to God about everything. It's just an all day conversation. I don't sit in prayer for hours. I pray like I do have a time with him and I, I, that I devote to, it's not like this hours, but I pray. Throughout the day quite a bit.
Like, Hey, where do you want me today? What do you want me to focus on?
Mm hmm,
and he brings to me what I need and I think it's just a practice But it was born out of desperation of my life falling completely apart to be honest And it did probably was centered around the whole issues of why I couldn't say no That I learned to have an ear for him.
Mm hmm
I don't know that we have to go down that road, but I know that humans seem to To like to learn through pain.
Yeah. Right. Well, that's kind of a mantra of the world.
It is like, it's an acceptable thing. Like I have to learn the hard way. I don't, I don't ever get that. You don't have to. It's a choice.
Yeah. So another point where God says no is when it comes to salvation, Jesus says no one comes through the, comes to the father except through me. And if it isn't through him, it's a no all the good things in the world won't save you. I think a lot of people are just like, you know, I'm going to go live a good life and live morality the best I can.
And I'll, I'll figure out what life is on the other side, you know without understanding our inherent nature of the world we live in.
Yes, because it would be good for all of us to go to heaven, right? It would be good for all of us to have access to the father.
Yeah.
But he sets a definite boundary that this is how it happens.
Exactly. Cause we, we, we trespassed his boundaries and there's consequences for that, you know, time and space. Yes. And you know, you can, you can do a lot of good things from like the material point of view. But if it isn't in Jesus name, you know, depart from me. I never knew you. And Paul says, you know, I'll have turned aside.
No one does good. Not even one. And It kind of makes me think about the, the, the verse in Isaiah that's, you know, our, our good deeds are as good as filthy rags or, you know, I think that people rely on their pseudo righteous deeds to give them a spot of righteousness. And you know, that, that's, that's like almost like manipulating, like what God wants from you, which I think is funny.
Or it's, it's, I think it's. even worse than that. I think people are just deciding who God is for themselves. I think, cause I've heard friends say this or people in the past say, you know, I'm a good person. I'll go to heaven. I'm like, no, that doesn't get, that's not how it works. Like there's a step, there's a step you're missing.
And, and what they qualify as good, God doesn't, like, you know, doesn't he say in the, like, have you ever lied? Have you ever, you know?
And this is the trump card with all most, you know, new age way of thinking of spirituality or even atheists is that, you know, morality without God is subjective. You know, there, there is no defined morality and set standard.
And I think the clearest one that we have is the Bible. And I think that would be a good place to look into and to see why, how things work. Because you know, 2000 years ago, you might've been the biggest sinner in the entire world based on how you're living now, you know, but because you treat people okay, about 80 percent of the time.
Somehow you deserve or are entitled to an eternity of, you know, glory.
Yes, it doesn't work that way. And God's plan is like perfect and they has a great system set up with Jesus as our Savior. And I'm very grateful because I couldn't get there on my own and he knew I couldn't he knew we would need a Savior because we could not be good enough.
So our kind of good. is not, we, the worldly good is just silly compared to God's good.
Yeah.
God is holy. He's perfect. He's trustworthy. He's true.
It's
good that we have a holy father, but. You know, it puts us in a kind of a bad position, , because we are, we are not holy before we come before him.
Yep. We live in a follow world.
Jesus
is what close us, and that righteousness that we can even have that entrance to him. Without that robe of righteousness, we could not have access to our father. Mm-Hmm.
and
super grateful that we live in the dispensation of grace, that we have access to God where we can just pray.
Mm-Hmm. because.
You know, that wasn't always, and it's not because we're good.
It's because we know we're not. We know we weren't.
Because there was a trespass because there was Adam and Eve, you know, and I think a lot of people are like, why did Adam and Eve do that? But I think any of us would have done that, you know, because I always think that it could have been like any one person, but like, it always just kind of just would have rolled out.
Yes, I think that too.
That story is so important to our free will to have an alternate choice, right? Because if there wasn't an alternate choice, then we wouldn't have free will.
And that's why our God is so good because he gave us the option and it's up to us to take him up on it if we want it, right?
So we, I think this is really. something we need to look at if, when we're going to be about God's business. Cause again, that is the solution to saying, yes or no to a good or bad thing, knowing what's good. Like we have to know the difference. And as we can see, we don't know the difference. We really just don't.
So it's only good if it's God's and it's important to know. Because we can hurt people in doing what we call good. We can create unhealthy dependencies. We can take someone's joy from completing or figuring out something for themselves. Like, we, we can take their ability to fish away from them if we just keep handing them fish.
And I think like a good I can't remember, I can't recall it perfectly, but it's the one where Paul was talking about, you know, if you're not doing anything in faith and it's a sin, so you could be doing a good thing and it's still a sin, you know, it's a good quick reminder. So, you know,
that's what we were talking about.
Like we were doing these good things for people and then, but we were both resentful at the end. Right? Because we weren't cheerful about it. We weren't doing for the glory of God. We were doing it for the glory from them, for their approval. And then, but the resentment I believe came because it was empty
because
they didn't love us for it.
They didn't like, it didn't fill us because human love doesn't really fill us that way. And it wasn't really love for me. It was just attention, right? Okay. This is how I'm going to get attention. And it wasn't even love. Part of the problem is if you're saying yes to everything, you can get into the place that I was, right?
You can get overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, depressed, anxiety. I mean, I think that covers where I was, but the problem was, is I didn't want to live anymore because I wasn't living to glorify God. I was trying to glorify myself and the enemy wants to throw us off the track, right? He wants to push us off that narrow road any chance he can.
And he loves to use manipulation tactics. And there are signs that we need to course correct, right? If you're overwhelmed, frustrated, or exhausted, these are like their indicators. They're not everything, but just notice them. Is this like going on and on? Are you getting resentful?
Yeah.
And I think if you're feeling these feelings consistently, it's an issue.
But also I think the number one thing that I can recall that I wasn't doing was spending time with God, even though I was a Christian, I wasn't spending time alone with God.
Yeah.
So how could he fill me up? How could he direct me? But it's easy to course correct. We spend time with them. How do you spend time with him, hun?
So I like to do it in the morning. I like to bring him throughout the day, kind of like you were saying earlier. It's not like always the easiest thing to like mindfully remember, you know, but when I do, like whenever it pops in my mind, I'm kind of like, what's up? I love you. How you doing? Allow me to do your will.
Just work through me, man, you know, and just kind of like smart, like doing that throughout the day, but also, you know, reading his word. I think that's the fastest way to get to know him. Yes.
And his character.
Yeah. And, and sit in peace with him. I think like, You know that life gets a certain way sometimes and we start to look at other things and try to chase other things.
And I think, you know, right now I've in the past, you know, a couple of weeks I've been spending less time like in the word and having like those peaceful moments with him, you know, I think it's, it's a, it's a good thing. up and down kind of journey where it goes, you know, but always gets better and better,
but we can always course correct.
Right. Cause I find that when I'm spending less time with him, my life feels a little more chaotic.
Yeah. Oh dude.
Cause I'm directing my life instead of him. Right.
Well, and then, yeah, life starts to look a little more grim and life starts to feel grim. You start to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, all those symptoms that you were listing earlier.
Some of the ways I really like to spend time with God is obviously in his word and to Get revelation and meditate on that.
Mm hmm.
Because sometimes when I'm reading, I don't even have to read like a chapter. Sometimes it's just like four verses and like I feel a revelation. I just kind of think about it with him.
I like to journal in about it because I feel like he comes through my hand.
Mm hmm.
And my words. I feel like it's a communication we have. Like where it goes back and forth. Have you ever done that?
Like, almost kind of like word vomit on like a journal entry. I when I do, when I kind of do like my morning routine Bible study I'll, I'll read just kind of however many chapters I just, that just kind of comes out, you know, it's usually like three to five, sometimes 10 if I'm really anxious to finish like a book in the old Testament.
Anyways. I'll always kind of just write down like what I thought was interesting or just like, why did they choose Acacia wood to build everything? You know, just things like that, you know, and, and start to kind of try and like look for like deeper, deeper meaning in, in almost like those hidden things.
Because I think that he can kind of speak to you in a certain way. The journal entry looks like like what am I thankful for? Like what am I praying for? Yeah. Not just like for like my own personal wants, but like how I want, like my family to look like how I want, you know, the people around me and how their lives to change.
And then it's what am I reading? And it's kind of like a synopsis of like what I'm, of what I'm reading in a pretty relaxed way. I don't want to put too much pressure on it because if I do, I won't want to do it. And then after that is, is what is God trying to tell me through this? Thank you. This is what I want for the people around me.
What am I reading? What is it like my human almost understanding of it? And then what is God trying to tell me through it?
I really like that. How do you best hear from God? Like I, there's not, I get, there's no formula. Cause sometimes I can hear from him when I'm on a walk really well. Like if I'm, if I'm just really.
hanging out with him. And sometimes I like, I don't even ask him questions. I'm just saying, Hi, God. Hey, how's it going? Like,
just say what's up. Just acknowledging he's there. I think is
yes. Beautiful for him. Start. I think he loves it. I start praising him and reminding him of all the things he has done for me, which is really me reminding myself, but it's praising him and it creates a conversation.
of things like that I know are him because I didn't know them. I've had to go home and look it up to see if it was real. And it was.
If I'm trying to like make a decision about something and I'm looking at like what I'm doing, I just, I have to close my eyes and just quiet, like really quiet and like a meditation sort of situation.
And usually, I hear kind of just a normal toned voice just being like, do this, you know, it's never like, if you don't do this, like, it's going to be like this or just like loud or, you know, condemning or weird, you know? And I think that I, I kind of struggle with that sometimes because I'm, I get like, like analysis paralysis about like what God is trying to tell me.
And I'm like, both these sides feel convincing and I'm trying to figure it out. But ultimately it's just, you kind of just figure it out. You know, I think he'll just, he just, he just helps you understand.
Yeah. And you can ask him to confirm too. And he does in crazy ways. Like when we rebranded,
it's
so weird.
Cause we were soapy box before I was praying about you and I were praying about like rebranding into red ledger because I didn't really, like some of the content we were doing. And at church, it was like one day they were talking about people complaining and grumbling right after we did the tip culture thing.
And we were kind of complaining about the new tip culture. And then the pastor said something about a soap box two or three times in a very negative way. And I'm like, okay, I hear you, God.
Yeah,
I hear you.
There was this one time I was watching the office and like, I was just kind of like, staying up late.
I was having a hard time. I was just kind of overthinking a lot. So I was just like, I decided to just close my eyes and just keep repeating, like, Holy Spirit, like, enter this, enter me and just repeating it over and over. Like, Jesus, keep just, just like, be here with me, like, show me, you know, you'd fill me up all the way.
Take, take me to a hundred, you know? And like I did that for probably about like, like about a minute and I opened my eyes and Jesus was on the subtitles and it just popped up right there. It was so crazy. I was like, Whoa, Whoa.
I think so. I've done that practice too, where I just get in a really relaxed position and just say Abba, Father. Abba. Or Jesus, maybe you connect better to Jesus. Sometimes, you know, it depends on you. And, you know, we just did this thing at school where we did this exercise. It's very similar to that.
And the instructor had a really good prompt for us. Cause you kind of go to that place, but he said, ask Jesus why he loves you. And just ask that. Or to say, do you love me? Or do you like me? And it is amazing what kind of comes up. It's kind of beautiful. So cool. Cool practice for you. And if you guys have a good practice that you do or something, there's no formula, but you know, like something that you think is cool.
That's cool. You relate and communicate with God, please put it in the comments because I think it's important for everyone to, like you said earlier, some people don't really know how to be there or do that. So that's why that we were talking about this, even though we didn't really plan to, I thought it was important.
And I'm not perfect at it either. Like, you know, if you've got a, if you've got some tips, help me, like, help me, I
think it's awesome. I need help. Meditating on one scripture is another way to do it. Just in focusing on each word, every time you say it with a different inflection, you know, it's, there's hundreds there, do it.
Have fun with it. Like have fun with God.
My pastor says, you know, if I just keep saying, I love you. to my wife all the time, it kind of becomes this, obviously like it's true and like you care about it, but it almost becomes like less impactful. Like when it's just that habit. Yeah. It's just more of a habit to say it, you know?
And he said, you know, telling You know, my wife, I love you because, you know, you always think about me before you act. That is so much more impactful than like, love you, babe.
Yes. That's awesome. What a sweetheart. I do like your pastor. I don't know personally, but I, I, when I'm visiting you, I like to go there.
That's pillar church in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Yeah. Shout out Pastor
Preston Morrison. Yeah. He's awesome. Back to our Discussion, like the, the bigger part of it is saying no to good things can be hard if you've never done it and if you're supposed to do it no is a full sentence. And you don't have to make excuses for your no, but we have to give honor to all people because that's what God calls us to.
So we can say no with honor, saying it boldly and politely, but we don't have to make excuses and make it a thing because that, that's not good for you or the other person,
you
know, but you can say it politely, but it is also a full sentence like no, or you can say, no, that's not good for me. That's That doesn't work for me.
There's times in my life where people have said, no, wherever wanted something or somebody said, no, God told me now, I'm like, I just asked you, how did he tell you that you didn't pray about it? You didn't think about it. You're, I feel like you're using God as an excuse. And so it may be true, but I think.
I don't know. I don't know that we say that. I wouldn't. Yeah. That's not biblical. That's just my personal opinion. And you can do that, what you want, like all things, like all opinions, you know what you can do with them if you don't like them.
Take the meat and leave the bones. Kind of going back to that discussion about Jesus kind of just walking everywhere.
And never was really in a rush. If you can take your time to make like a decision to say yes or no, and see if it's really for God, do that. Take your time to figure it out. And if it's a little bit more of a pressing issue, if time is of the essence. Do it right then and there and console God in front of whoever it is, even if it looks weird, you know, or goofy to the people that are asking you to do something.
Yeah.
They want the thing. They can, they can listen to your Jesus.
And ultimately it leads into, you know, their validation doesn't really matter. You know we, we know whose validation does matter. Obviously this is easier said than done, you know, we all do it. I still struggle with honoring what God is asking me over what, you know, people are asking me, but starting with this frame of mind that, okay, I can just take my time.
I only care about what he thinks of me. It's hard, but it's, it's the key, man,
I thought I was kind of through that part of my life and it just came up for me pretty big this week where I had to be like, okay, God, it's your approval. I want it truly is like I truly want to glorify him, not myself.
Well, it's hard because you have to, you have to separate this, this physical fleshly, you know, Existence that we live in that we can only you know, like that that is about 95 of our experience 95 percent of our experience You know what?
I mean? Yes And then there's this meeting point between spirituality and physicality that you have to separate and you have to pick that 5 percent that you know is a spiritual experience in your life and choose that validation. It's no easy feat.
Well, going back to your taking time to make decisions, this is something that I've done in the past.
That's gross that you guys don't want to do is I use that time to just not make a decision or not tell somebody now.
So I'll say, okay, let me think on that. Let me pray on that. And then I know I just never get back to him cause I don't want to deal with it.
It is a good out.
It is, but it's gross. So what I would like to, who I would like to be in the future and who I'm trying to be is if I tell somebody I'm going to take time to make a decision, like set a time to get back to them and get back to them.
Yeah.
And I'm, I'm not saying that I've got victory in this area yet, but I'm working on it because I have used that in the past to just not say anything. I have grace for people who do it because I get it and I'm like, okay, so that's a no. No answer is a no, but it's not fair to people if they're waiting for your answers.
So do, do get back to people if you say you're going to pray about it. But I do like the taking time to make decisions. My mom and I, we've talked about this, like, like let's take seven days to make big decisions, like seven days. Because we, you know, we like the seven with God with the seven days in his week, the whole thing.
But and that's enough time to really think about it on a big decision. And if it has to be made before then, it's might be a no. It might be an automatic no.
If
I have, you know what I mean? If I can't really, cause her and I both have struggled in the past with being impulsive.
Mhm.
So. You know, we have to think about those things.
Me maybe even more so than her.
But, I can be pretty, I can be pretty impulsive about my buying decisions for certain things.
I think we all can. That's why they they have impulse areas at checkout stands because they know we are. They know who we are psychologically. That's why all those little things are at the checkout stand of your grocery store.
So you'll buy them impulse items. That's what they call them, right?
Reeses buttercups.
Yes. So another practical tip when you're saying no to good things or deciding use wise counsel in your life. If you don't have it, go get that immediately. Find that go, go to a good church, a good Bible based church that is filled with the Holy Spirit.
And find yourself some friends. And, you know, I, I was in a period where I didn't think maybe I wasn't healthy enough to have friends for a while. And so get healthy, get healed with God, get some counsel so you can make some good decisions. And I think really I think this is the most important thing to remember is that you matter too.
Your calling matters to God too. He loves you. We have to give ourselves some love and compassion too. Not just the people that are asking things of us. Your race is so important to him. He doesn't want you to sacrifice it for some meaningless reward here on earth as, Oh, more attention, more love from humans, right?
He wants us to run the race he called us for. And it's, it's important that we do. Another thing. That I want to remind you because I've done this too, because I went too far. So I was, do you remember that movie, Yes Ma'am with Jim Carrey?
Yeah.
I was, I, I was the, the, when he became the yes man, the said yes to everyone.
And then I became the person he was in the beginning, that guy who says no to everything. So I've been the guy who says no to everything for a while. And I really had to look at, okay, is my no being selfish at this point? Cause I really like my new life of not doing much for people because I kind of do.
So don't use your no to be selfish. Use that for only for God's glory and to be about his business. So again, No's aren't automatic, right? Unless you know that God has you in a specific space and a time, and you know that you have to say no to, you know, like, if you have a goal with God that you're trying to reach, maybe you're starting a new business, and he's saying, you know what, no to these extracurricular activities for a time.
Until you get this goal, like you, you're working on that with him. And that's good. That seems good between both of you. That's reasonable to then just say now, but don't use it to be selfish to not do things for people because you know, he, he gave us each other for a reason. We're connected to relate, to help each other.
We're not just here for ourselves. But I doubt if you're still watching that that's who you are anyway. I just graduated from Bible college recently. Ooh. And somebody, I'm really, well, I haven't actually graduated as of next week. By the time you see this, though, it'll have happened. How's that? Somebody asked me, what am I going to do with this education last weekend?
My friend, Jean, you guys all know Jean from one of our podcasts. And I said, I'm already doing it. Like I came here because God told me to. See, I was really frustrated with the world and I was acting inappropriately and full of hate with the direction of the world on social media. I was preaching politics instead of the gospel and it was gross and I was full of bitterness and hate and frustration.
And I've clearly felt God told me. To go to school. And so I did. And I knew it was for me to get healed. If I wanted to affect change, I, I knew that was the point. And for me, like, for my own reasons, I wanted to go so I could be a better mom, a better wife. A better friend, just a better human, because I, I knew I wasn't in a good place.
So I said yes. I said yes to school. I said yes to God. I said yes to God's bigger plan. And I said no to my silly wants and desires. I said yes to not quitting a hundred times when I wanted to, when my dad died, when my mom got sick, when my son and I were, you know, You know, not in a great place. Not you, you know, Trevor, we're good now, but he was having a hard time and I wanted to be there for him and God said, no, this is where you're at.
And I, he gave me this vision of this ripple effect that would be created through me. And I just could see this pebble dropping into the water and these little ripples growing I really started to see how I affected everybody within five feet of me with my nose and my yeses with my lack of healing. And now I'm healed.
Praise God. I am healed. But also my family is
healed.
We are whole. Praise God. And he has exceeded. anything I could possibly have imagined or hoped for or that I prayed for or that I hoped for in the last few years during this journey. And I believe that this ripple effect is growing into a bigger deal because I, I want to have a positive effect and change on people.
And so if I'm doing God's business, which I did, and I see the reward of which I have of being about his business and I didn't do it all right. You know, I, this last section of classes, I didn't study as hard as I had been. I'm a little barn sour, you know, I'm, I'm not, you know, I didn't do it perfect, but I did show up and I did do the thing.
And I'm super grateful that God has me on this journey. But imagine if all of us are about God's business and all of us are getting healed. And all of us are putting our foot where he wants us to, and all of us are affecting the people within our perimeter of five feet by doing his business, his business, not distracted by what the world wants for us.
Not distracted by what the world tells us is good, but his business.
I would say
What would that look like
a much better mental and emotional health in the body of Christ?
Amen, I mean I will say do you see that in me? Yeah in the last few years.
I see a lot more stability
Yeah, I do. I was pretty chaotic, huh?
Hey, I was too. Oh my gosh There is going to be a lot less resentment in the church too and to the church
Well, healed people heal people. And so if we are collectively those healed pebbles in the water, we can create a tsunami instead of just a ripple of healing and love and God's will for all people because we're all so close to him and we are living out and glorifying him.
And then we even know how to say no to the good things that are wrong for us or wrong for others.
Then I would also say that the church would be a lot more efficient in God's will, and everybody would be a lot more efficient in God's will.
Well, I agree because people learn by modeling, right? Like we, we try model Jesus example, but we also model the people in our lives, right?
Because you were talking about earlier about praying in front of somebody about making a decision. And I was thinking when you said that, that, yeah, then you model behavior
of who you're
To go to you're not only are you doing the right thing in God's will, but you're also now teaching somebody
what
they should do when they have a problem.
Oh, we go to God.
And you know what? Imagine how God feels that you invited him into it like that. You know, that you acknowledged him and came to him first, you know, I bet he's swooning about it.
Yes, he delights in us when we look to him first. He delights, he loves that we choose him because not, he, he knows it's good for us.
He knows it's better for us. Again, he loves us so much. Well, thank you guys for tuning in today to talk to us about saying no to good things and why it's important. We appreciate you. We appreciate you following us to the end. Please like, share, subscribe. It helps us. It helps us bring this content to you.
We hope you enjoyed it. So let's just, I'd like to close this with a prayer. Thank you, Father, for all of the healing and the restoration in our family and the families of people who are watching. We thank you and praise that you are good. That you are worthy of being glorified, that we can trust you, that you never change, that you never forsake us.
We thank you, God. We thank you, God, for our healing, for helping us discern when we should say no, when we And when we should say, yes, helping us discern when it is about your business. We thank you, God, for your direction. And please bless everyone who's watching this. We ask this in Jesus name,
Amen.