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Welcome to Suite Independence, the podcast designed exclusively for established beauty professionals ready to transform their careers and build the salon business of their dreams. Hosted by industry veteran Kristin Kienzle, founder of Utopia Modern Salon Suites, this show is your essential guide to thriving independently in the beauty world.
Kristin, with over 34 years of experience, understands the unique challenges and incredible opportunities you face. She created Utopia to be a supportive, inspiring community where independent beauty professionals can flourish, and this podcast extends that mission directly to you.
Forget the styling tips; we're diving deep into the business and personal development aspects that truly empower your success. Each episode offers insight, inspiration, and clarity to help you succeed and build your career in a healthy way. Whether you're looking to grow your client base, refine your business strategy, enhance your financial literacy, prioritize your well-being, or ultimately own your own salon, Kristin shares the wisdom and actionable advice you need.
Join a community dedicated to empowering beauty professionals to reach their full potential, ensuring their businesses thrive and afford them the lifestyle they desire. Tune into Suite Independence and start building the vibrant career and fulfilling life you deserve.
Ep14
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[00:00:00]
Meet Emily Stevens
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Kristin Kienzle: Today we're going to talk to Emily Stevens, a confidence coach who's going to help us, not should all over ourselves.
Kristin Kienzle: Welcome back to the podcast. Today I'm excited to talk to Emily Stevens, who is a confidence coach. Tell us about yourself, Emily.
Emily Stevens: Well, first off, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Like you said, I am a confidence coach. I'm also a keynote speaker and a licensed therapist, and I primarily work with women.
In building [00:01:00] their confidence, in building their, their self trust and helping them live a life that's more aligned with who they truly are and who they truly want to be.
Kristin Kienzle: I love that.
Confidence for New Owners
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Kristin Kienzle: I'm, I've been so excited to talk to you cause so many of the people who come into our suites mm-hmm.
Have worked in. Spas or salons where everything is taken care of for them. And so when they come to Utopia, they're now an a small business owner, and that's extremely scary. And I can see in them their ability. I can always tell who's going to succeed, who's good at this, who's cut out for it and who's not.
And the problem is they can't see that themselves. And sometimes that's so hard for me to work to instill the confidence in them.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And get them to know they can do this. And then. A few months in, they're doing really well and I see that confidence grow. Yeah. And it's, it's hard to not say, see, I told you you could do this.
Yeah. Right. Actually, I probably do sometimes. But I, that's why I'm so excited to talk to you, because this is something I see every time we bring on new tenants.
Women and Confidence Myths
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Emily Stevens: Well, and isn't it [00:02:00] funny how, especially as women, we can see so much in other women mm-hmm. We see so much we admire, we, you know, compliment their confidence or their abilities, but we struggle to do that for ourselves.
Kristin Kienzle: Yes.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And you said you like to work with women and we primarily, all of our tenants currently are women. Mm-hmm. We don't exclude men, but we do work primarily with women.
Emily Stevens: Same.
Kristin Kienzle: And it is a thing, we are pleasers. We are, mm-hmm. We are so self-conscious about everything.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. I mean, and some of that is we've been socialized to.
To not have a ton of confidence. I see it a lot with women that any little amount of confidence mm-hmm. They think is like narcissistic. Mm-hmm. Or it's too much. Right. And so that's always a funny thing that I'm trying to work with my clients around is that. Liking yourself or saying something nice about yourself isn't, isn't something that is making you arrogant or full of yourself, right?
We, we so want to seem humble or not full of ourselves. That we sometimes go too far that direction.
Kristin Kienzle: I agree. We [00:03:00] overcompensate.
Emily Stevens: Yes.
Kristin Kienzle: Yes.
Stop Shoulding Yourself
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Kristin Kienzle: Well, when I was looking at your social media Uhhuh and your website, I loved your Emilyism, where you talk about sh we should all over ourselves.
Emily Stevens: Right.
Kristin Kienzle: And that excited me. I can relate to that. Mm-hmm. And I see that in all the women that I know. Mm-hmm. I would love for you to talk about that.
Emily Stevens: So that's one of my philosophies.
All of my clients know that we don't should all over ourselves. Right? Because how many times in life do we say I should be further along in my career? Mm-hmm. I should be able to do this. I should be able to get the kids out the door on time. Or not everybody not yelling at each other. I should. I should.
I should. Mm-hmm. And sometimes we even go with shouldn'ts. I shouldn't feel this way, I shouldn't have this reaction. And. Should is setting us up for expectations that might not even be ours. So a lot of times when somebody says something like, I should be further along, I'm like, is that your voice or is that somebody else's?
Like, whose voice are you hearing? Because if those aren't your expectations, then you're already setting [00:04:00] yourself up for failure. And a lot of times. Should leads to shame. So then it's like this spiral that we get into where we think we should be doing something and we're not doing it. And it's leading us to feel shameful when in reality a lot of times it's something we didn't want in the first place.
And so it's very big with me that we don't should all over ourselves. So when my clients start to say, should they immediately catch themselves and now like your audience hearing this is gonna be so aware of the word should and how often we say it, especially as women.
Building Self Trust Fast
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Kristin Kienzle: So back to those times when we have a beauty professional come to us looking at space, and I can see that they have the business acumen, the drive, the skill, and they're gonna be great at it. But the one and only thing that holds them back is their own confidence. Mm-hmm. And when I communicate with them, I hear that, I hear.
Oh, I don't know. I'm just really scared or I don't know if I'm ready and I can see that they are,
Emily Stevens: yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: What can I do to help them without seeming pushy? [00:05:00] Because I always mm-hmm. Walk that fine line of, I'm not trying to say, yes, you can do this because I need to lease the suite.
Emily Stevens: Sure.
Kristin Kienzle: I am genuine. If I don't think that they can do it or should do it, I will not lead them in that direction.
Yeah. Because their failure is our failure. But it's so hard when I know that they can, and I know that a few months in, they're gonna come back around and say, oh my gosh, this was the best decision ever.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: So how, what, what would you say to me?
Emily Stevens: So one of the things about competence is that it really comes down to self-trust.
So I would encourage you. To help highlight areas where they're already trusting themselves. Right? Like they already made the phone call or they came and did the tour. They've already been contemplating this change Yeah. Of coming into the salon on their own. And that took self-trust to even look into it.
So to highlight those smaller wins that are already happening. Right. And then being a support system, but, but at the same time. Letting them do it themselves. Right. Being a support, but encouraging them like, you can do this, or This is how you could go [00:06:00] about this. So that they are building that self-trust.
Yeah. With support from you.
Kristin Kienzle: So you mentioned trust.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: So how do you get them to, to see the trust that they've already.
Found in themselves.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Action Creates Confidence
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Emily Stevens: You know, it's a combination of support and learning, so, or implementation support and learning. So my program is a 16 week program where people I have a course called The Competence Cure, and that's the foundational basis of competence that's gonna teach you everything you need to know.
But we don't just wanna learn because learning, we've all been there where we take all these classes, but we don't actually take action. Mm-hmm. And so it's important for me in that 16 weeks, we go back and forth from learning to implementation. Learning to implementation. Because action is what helps you build confidence because you're taking that action.
And even if it doesn't go exactly right, we back it up with that self-compassion and support piece. Mm-hmm. That. Keeps people strong enough to keep going forward and keep taking more action. And it's like just chipping [00:07:00] away at that insecurity. And it's alm, it's one of those things that like you can't quantify, but it's like all of a sudden one day somebody's like, oh, I feel totally different about that.
Or, oh, I didn't doubt myself with this and I would've two months ago. And you
Kristin Kienzle: can see the little wins.
Emily Stevens: Yes, yes, yes. And
Kristin Kienzle: those build,
Emily Stevens: and that's why the action is so important. Yeah. I have a program called Three for Me that's integrated into my program as well, where. They go through this mini course to define three small tasks every day, and I'm talking tiny tasks.
When people hear three tasks, they're like, I don't got time for that. And I'm like, we're talking the tiniest tasks. Like, make
Kristin Kienzle: your bed.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. Okay. Or say an affirmation in the mirror, or, you know, whatever, whatever you would need in your life. And that's something that we talk about and we cater it specifically to you.
Mm-hmm. But those three tiny tasks give you intention every day to take action and show yourself that you trust yourself. You show yourself self, that you show up for yourself.
Support Systems and Doubts
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Emily Stevens: But I'm curious, what are you doing to help build confidence in these women [00:08:00] that come and rent space from you?
Like what does that look like on your side?
Kristin Kienzle: Feel like what we do is make ourselves very available mm-hmm. For questions and show their support. Yeah. Show them the support so they know. It's okay to ask, even if it seems like a stupid question to you. Mm-hmm. We've been asked before and we didn't know. You know, we have. Sure. So we're very open to communication and we give them so much information.
I get told that a lot, like you've told me everything uhhuh. And it's so that they don't have doubts and they don't have things creeping into their heads thinking, well, shouldn't say this, I don't know about that. So they already know. And then, like I said, that that mode of communication being wide open.
I think that I'm approachable and that I'm not, when I'm working with them, I'm not intimidating or anything. I build them up.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: Because I can see it and it's hard to, it's hard to mask that when I can see someone who's gonna be great, I'm excited for them. Yeah. And I tell them that, but I think it's after they leave the tour and they go home and they start thinking and then a lot of times, you [00:09:00] know, what else Emily?
A lot of times it's someone else, it's the partner, the husband, the best friend, the mom.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And that's a lot of it. Well, you know, my husband's worried about this, this, and this Uhhuh, or my mom just doesn't know if I'm ready.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: And that's where it's so frustrating because I can't discount their loved one's opinion.
But a lot of times then I, I would love to be able to say, don't take advice from someone who hasn't gone before you Uhhuh. And so then I will say, actually reach out to some of the people who have done it, Uhhuh. Go to our website, look at all the beauty pros on our website. Pick one that maybe you can relate to, and call her up and ask her, you know?
Right. What scared you about it? Is this true? Did this go well?
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: So that helps. But, but a lot of times it's the loved ones Yeah. Who are trying to protect them.
Emily Stevens: Right.
Kristin Kienzle: Who
Emily Stevens: break
Kristin Kienzle: them down.
Outsourcing Your Confidence
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Emily Stevens: I love, I love that you said you won't discredit their loved ones, but I will. Okay. 'cause and not, not really, but at the same time those are, that's what I work with people on.
That's at self-trust piece. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Of. Listening to those voices, but not necessarily internalizing that and making it their [00:10:00] voice, right? Yes. Or making it something that makes them go against what they know to be true for themselves. Right? Because like you said. Trusting somebody who hasn't done it or hasn't gone before you is a tough thing.
And yes, this all comes from a place of love. Right. But at the same time it's, it's outsourcing your confidence to someone else. And that is really where people can have pitfalls and then never. Go for the thing that they wanna do because they, I love, they go to everyone else.
Kristin Kienzle: I love how you put that outsourcing your com
Emily Stevens: Confidence.
Kristin Kienzle: Confidence,
Emily Stevens: yes. Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: To someone else. outsourcing your confidence. I love that.
Emily Stevens: Because
it has to come from within it. Yes. I mean, again, the basis is that self-trust piece. Mm-hmm. Because confidence isn't going, I'm gonna go into this room and I'm gonna own it, and I'm gonna be perfect and everything.
I'm gonna go into this room. Chip will fall as they will, right? Mm-hmm. And then I'm gonna be okay no matter what. Even if I fall on my face, mm-hmm. Even if I do terrible at this, I'm going to be okay. I'm going [00:11:00] to be able to leave this room. I'll feel those feelings, right? Because having confidence doesn't mean you don't have emotion, right?
Confident people aren't fearless or lacking emotion. They still feel things. It's just they don't let that mean something about them. They don't let that one thing dictate everything about themselves. And so I think that's. An important thing to bring up as well of how internal confidence has to be.
Self Compassion Practice
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Kristin Kienzle: I love that you also, when I was looking at your website mm-hmm. And your social media, you also talk about just having compassion for yourself.
Emily Stevens: Yes.
Kristin Kienzle: That really resonated with me and that's, that's something I think I know I personally need to work on.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And I love that and I think I. If we would treat ourselves the way we treat others.
Yep. Like there are things that I would never say to you. Yeah. That I say to myself all day long. I would never say, Emily, what were you thinking when you put that outfit on today?
Emily Stevens: Right. Right.
Kristin Kienzle: Why did you even think it was okay to walk outta the house? Or why? Why do you think you belong in this room?
But we are so hard on ourselves.
Emily Stevens: And to that I'll say, 'cause this is [00:12:00] something I talk about in my course and workshops and everything, that if you wouldn't say something to your best friend or your child, then don't say it to yourself. You deserve kindness. You are not an exception to kindness.
Kristin Kienzle: That's huge.
Emily Stevens: Because I see women all the time that are like, well, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say that to my best friend, but I'm different something, you know what I mean? Like, I need this. And it's like, when has hating on yourself ever? Been effective. Right. If saying mean things to yourself, built your confidence, we would all be the most confident people on the planet right now.
It does not work.
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah,
Emily Stevens: right. And so I think that's a great reminder if you wouldn't say it to someone else. And I always like to put that like more. Close piece to it, like a best friend or a child. Mm-hmm. Like when I've had women cry thinking about saying some of the things they say to themselves, saying it to their daughter.
Kristin Kienzle: Oh gosh.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. Right. They never would.
Kristin Kienzle: No way.
Emily Stevens: And it's like, okay, well you deserve that level of grace and kindness too. Yeah. So how do we get you to do that? What? We
Kristin Kienzle: wouldn't even say those things to someone we don't like.
Emily Stevens: Totally. Or a
Kristin Kienzle: [00:13:00] stranger.
Emily Stevens: Totally.
Kristin Kienzle: Like let alone our daughter. I wouldn't walk up to a stranger and say something terrible that I would feel okay saying to myself.
Emily Stevens: ~But think of how much we do it to ourselves. Oh ~
Kristin Kienzle: ~yeah. ~
Confidence vs Self Esteem
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Emily Stevens: And so self-compassion, it's actually been studied that self-compassion is the biggest indicator of self-esteem. And so just to break it down a little bit, a little learning moment here, confidence is our self-trust, our abilities, right? Self self-esteem is our worth and value.
So the biggest indicator of self-esteem is that self-compassion piece. Now, in our society, we tend to lump both those together. As confidence. But I like to always make the distinction because one is your abilities and one is. Your worth and value. So for instance, I always give the example that like, coming on this podcast, I feel confident doing that, right?
I'm excited about this. Right? But if you would've emailed me and said, Hey, could you cook me a meal? I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like that's not where I shine. Yeah. So, but my lack of confidence in cooking does not change my worth or value.
Kristin Kienzle: Okay. That is a great [00:14:00] example.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. I'm not, I don't lose any worth or value.
Kristin Kienzle: Mm-hmm.
Emily Stevens: Because cooking isn't something that I am like, yes, I can absolutely do that. Right? ~Yeah. ~
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: And so I think that's important to understand the distinction.
Kristin Kienzle: That's very important
Emily Stevens: because some people go to work and they are doing it. They are boss babes.
They are hitting every level, but then they go home and they feel like they're unlovable.
Kristin Kienzle: Mm-hmm.
Emily Stevens: And you can't have one without the other. Right. That's
Kristin Kienzle: so true.
Emily Stevens: You can't have your value and your worth be nothing. And expect to keep growing in your confidence. They have to rise together. Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: S
Money Mindset and Success
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Kristin Kienzle: o I see that you talk about money.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And. I think that that relates a lot to self-worth as well.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And I think that's something that brings a lot of people down. So, for example, our beauty professionals may be very good at their craft, but they're not good at managing their money.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: So they are seeing, you know, I'm, I'm, everybody says I'm good. My books are full. Everybody wants to come to me, but why am I not making the money I think that I should, or managing it well.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And a lot of times that's what holds them back. [00:15:00] You know, I'm not good at money. I can't do this. What do you have to say to someone like that?
Emily Stevens: Well, there's different levels to this. Like one is money mindset. Mm-hmm. Like that's a real thing of like uncovering those money stories of like, why are you not that great with money?
Like, what does that actually mean, right? Mm-hmm. And I'm a big believer in asking for help if you're not good with money. Like who could you go to to get help with? Your books or with budgeting, but there's
Kristin Kienzle: so much shame associated with it.
Emily Stevens: Mm.
Kristin Kienzle: Don't you think there's more shame associated with money than not being able to bake a good casserole?
I mean, I can look at my bank account and if it doesn't look like I want it to look uhhuh, I feel, I feel, I think I'm failing.
Okay. Let's,
and then I failed to see, yes, all the successes because I, I look at that one thing. Mm-hmm. And I make a giant broad assumption
Emily Stevens: ~Okay. ~
Kristin Kienzle: ~Yeah.~
Emily Stevens: So I love that you mentioned the word success in that, because one of the big things that I do with my clients is we define what does success mean to you because. As a society, we've [00:16:00] decided that money is success. Mm-hmm. But that's not true for everybody. ~Right? ~ Right. ~Not everybody. I mean, of course everybody would love to be a millionaire.~
~Right? ~
Kristin Kienzle: ~Right. ~
Emily Stevens: ~But ~not everybody actually needs that to feel successful or to have a good life. So if we change success, like what does success mean to you? And we changed it to what does a good life mean to you?
Kristin Kienzle: Mm-hmm.
Emily Stevens: That changes it up, right? Because people, when they hear the word success, automatically think money.
See, it pops up in reality, what does a good life look like to you? Mm-hmm. Is that working three days a week and then having two days to be home with your kids? Is that working six days a week so you can have as much money as possible?
So you can take off two weeks every quarter to go on vacation? Right. You really get to define it, and that's another one of my philosophies, that there are no rules. We have all these things in our mind, these rules that we think we have to abide by. When we start breaking that down, it's really going back to that finding alignment and finding what do all these things actually mean to you?
What do you want? What does success look like for you? What is a good life for you? So I think the money [00:17:00] conversation is where people go because they've never explored it. ~Further than just I need to be making more. ~
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: And if your only frame of reference is I need to be making more, there's never gonna be enough.
Kristin Kienzle: Oh yeah.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: That goal post will always move.
Emily Stevens: Oh, it's always gonna move. Yeah. Right.
And so defining what are the things that are important to me and then how much money do I need for that? And we're talking being realistic. 'cause again, everybody would like to have more. When it comes to like, if we are, you know, designing our dream life, but when we think realistically.
You might be surprised at what number you would need to feel confident in your business and to feel aligned and to feel like you have work-life balance in some respect. And so I think the topic of money is very important. But I think it needs to be explored at such a, a greater depth than what we ever explore it.
Kristin Kienzle: There's so much more to value than that. Absolutely.
Emily Stevens: I mean,
Kristin Kienzle: you're making me think about my own alignment,
Emily Stevens: Uhhuh,
Kristin Kienzle: and there's. Money really is never at the top of it. I mean, like you said, of course. [00:18:00] Mm-hmm. Everybody wants to make more money. Sure. Everybody would like to make a lot of money.
Emily Stevens: Sure.
Kristin Kienzle: But I wouldn't trade money for mm-hmm.
Time with my family. Right. Or. My, the way I do my mornings, you know, if it meant I had to start at 7:00 AM every day mm-hmm. To make X amount more dollars.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: I don't wanna do that.
Emily Stevens: Right.
Kristin Kienzle: 7:00 AM is my time.
Emily Stevens: Yes, exactly.
Kristin Kienzle: So that's really, that's good. I like that. I, I like that shift of mindset.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Values and Core Compass
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Emily Stevens: Well, and in my program I have something called the core Compass method, and that is where you evaluate your values and you decide, you figure out what your values are. Mm-hmm. Because most people, when I say, well, what are your. Core values. Mm-hmm. People look at me like a deer in the headlights. Like I don't, I don't know. Yeah. Honesty, I don't, you know what I mean? Like people panic because again, it's just things we haven't really thought about. But once you know what you value the most, you can then make decisions in your life based off that. Like for me, for example, autonomy. Autonomy on my time, on my energy, all of that is the most important to me.
I want time freedom, and so I have engineered my life [00:19:00] and my business. To reflect that.
Kristin Kienzle: Yes.
Emily Stevens: Right. And that's what success is to me. Do I make the most money? Am I the most successful online coach and therapist and speaker as far as money goes? No. But am I meeting my definition of success? Yes, I am. And that's what matters.
Confidence Earlier in Life
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Kristin Kienzle: So unfortunately, it seems like a lot of people, like myself, you and I talked earlier.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: Don't get to where we think we're confident until later in our lives.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: And.
With talking with you, I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I've gotta dive deep. I would love to work with you Uhhuh, because here I am in my fifties thinking when we started this. Oh, I'm confident I figured it out. Now, Uhhuh, I've, I'm pretty settled, and as we're speaking, I'm thinking, oh, my, I've got a lot of work to do.
But then it also leads me to think, how, how do you get people to. Subscribe to working with you mm-hmm. Or someone like you, or working on [00:20:00] this
Emily Stevens: uhhuh
Kristin Kienzle: earlier in life, so they don't have to wait till they're in their fifties to become this confident woman. And, you know, there's kind of a trend with that too.
Emily Stevens: Right.
Kristin Kienzle: You know, the, the, the talk is as women get older on in social media and stuff, you know, the older women are like, I'm good in my skin now, or whatever.
Emily Stevens: Right, right.
Kristin Kienzle: But we need the 20 and 30 year olds to feel that way. So how do we speak to the younger generations so they don't wait until their fifties to find their confidence?
Emily Stevens: Right. Well first off, I think the tide is changing as a society, right? We're talking about things much more now. Mm-hmm. So I think it's more accessible because when I was in my twenties
Kristin Kienzle: there was no one like
Emily Stevens: you.
No. There was no outlet for this. There was nobody saying like, value yourself. Mm-hmm. Or, you know, lifting up women. Right. There was a lot of shame. As a society. Mm-hmm. I mean, think about like, gossip magazines and like make this chocolate cake but lose 15 pounds on the same cover.
It's like how the messages were so mixed and so for a lot of us older women, right. I give us so much [00:21:00] grace because we didn't know better, we didn't have the tools. Mm-hmm. And now we have the tools. So those younger generations, I just encourage them to not wait to just figure it out. We have so many resources, right.
No matter what it is. Why are you waiting to figure it out when there's so many ways that you can like cut the line in a sense? Yeah. Right. Yeah. You can cut corners, you know, don't. Don't go through all the trials and tribulations that I've gone through. I've made a program for you. It's, you just have to follow it.
And implement it. And you're gonna feel better. It's almost a hundred percent guarantee that you're gonna learn something. It's gonna change the way you think about yourself, and it's gonna change the way you move through life. Could you do all that on your own? Sure. Is it gonna take you way longer?
Probably. And even if it's not me. Just find someone that speaks to you that's gonna help you get where you wanna go, because the sooner you figure out who you are and you build that self-trust, the sooner you're living the life you actually want to. Mm-hmm. And not the life [00:22:00] that maybe your parents wanted.
Mm-hmm. Or your significant other wants for you, or you think you should want. Right? Mm-hmm. And so that's really about knowing yourself, and the only way you can get to know yourself truly is to do that self-reflection, do that intentional work, and have kind of a third party support person. Mm-hmm.
Right? Because we're limited by our own brains. That's why therapist, I have a therapist, I have a business coach, I have a life coach because I'm limited by my own brain. I know all this stuff, but that doesn't mean that I don't have blinders on it sometimes in my own life. Right?
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: And so seeking that out and recognizing you don't have to wait till you're fifties anymore.
I would give anything to be able to go back to my twenties Yeah. And have this information, my life would look different. Not necessarily better, but it would look a lot different.
Kristin Kienzle: You would've gotten to where you are now. Yes. Sooner.
Emily Stevens: Way
Kristin Kienzle: sooner. And enjoyed it.
Enjoyed it longer,
Emily Stevens: exactly.
Daily Confidence Habits
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Kristin Kienzle: So we've talked about in my business, Uhhuh, having giving people the confidence to take the big step to be an [00:23:00] independent beauty professional. Right. In your own space, sign the lease, all the things.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: How do you speak to people? Just about day-to-day confidence. You know, these people are working with clients.
Mm-hmm. They've gotta have the confidence to meet a new client or to try something that they don't know that they're really great at yet. Yeah. You know, maybe they just learned. A technique, a color technique or something. Mm-hmm. And they know how to do it, but they're kind of scared because this is the first time they're implementing what they just learned in a class.
So talk to me about maybe ways I could help them. Mm-hmm. Or what you would say to them. Even better. About how to have the day-to-day confidence and all the little things.
Emily Stevens: So a big part of that is taking those actions, keeping those promises to yourself, right? Mm-hmm. So whatever it is you say you're gonna do, like, I'm gonna try this new thing, or I am gonna go for a walk before I go to work today, whatever it is.
Mm-hmm. Actually following through on that, and then after the fact. Being very self-compassionate with yourself.
Stop Catastrophic Thinking
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Emily Stevens: Let's say you try a new coloring technique and it doesn't go exactly right. Do you leave that berating yourself? Do you [00:24:00] spend all night saying what a crappy hairstylist
Kristin Kienzle: you are? Hairstylists do.
I did it for 35 years. You go home and you question your whole career choice
Emily Stevens: Uhhuh,
Kristin Kienzle: and And we all talk about it. We do. It's like one messed up. Appointment and we think maybe we should just go mow lawns for a living
Emily Stevens: and come mow lawns.
That's a big jump. But the thing about that is, is that is like catastrophic thinking, right?
Yes. To go from I made a mistake to I'm in the wrong career. It's like cata
Kristin Kienzle: catastrophic thinking. I love that.
Emily Stevens: Yes. How did we get there, right? Yes. Like, that's such a huge jump.
Kristin Kienzle: It's
Emily Stevens: so
Kristin Kienzle: dumb
Emily Stevens: and it's not helpful.
Kristin Kienzle: No,
Emily Stevens: it's not helpful.
Reframe With Self Compassion
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Emily Stevens: One of the biggest things that I talk about and I would suggest is that self-compassion piece.
Is saying to yourself, how can you reframe that? Instead of, I'm a terrible hairstylist because I messed up that new coloring technique. You could reframe that to say, okay, I made a pretty big mistake. I feel really guilty and shameful about it. This is how I feel about it, and also I'm a human that's allowed to make mistakes.
Mm-hmm. I'll do better next time. Right. Do you hear how [00:25:00] different that sounds?
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: Than just, I'm terrible. I should go mow lawns for a living. Yeah, it's that self-compassion piece and only you can give that to yourself.
Kristin Kienzle: It's making me think back to what we talked about earlier, about what you would say to a friend.
Yes.
So the stylist next door to you would never say the things to you that you're saying to yourself. Right, exactly. If you were the hairstylist, you messed up. I would say, it's all right. I didn't look that bad. She wasn't that unhappy. Or, now, you know, do it better next time. Or Uhhuh, whatever, make it right with her and move on.
You're still great. Look at all the stuff you did yesterday. That was amazing,
Emily Stevens: Uhhuh.
Kristin Kienzle: But you're right. What we say to ourselves is. Catastrophic.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. Yeah. And
Kristin Kienzle: it's not a catastrophe.
Emily Stevens: No.
It's not the end of the world. No. Right. It's not a career ending move.
No.
Right. And it's not like. Talking to yourself like that or thinking like that isn't going to help you feel better about it.
We think that that somehow gives us control, or is if we're just tough enough on ourselves, it'll do something different and it won't. And science backs that. Self-compassion is actually the biggest indicator, and so. [00:26:00] You have to learn to stop those thoughts. And this is part of what I teach too.
You have to learn to stop those thoughts. Mm-hmm. And reframe them and get your mindset back on track.
Three For Me Framework
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Emily Stevens: And I'll tell you that's what my three for me mini course is, and it's totally free. You can go to laid back achievers.com right now and get three for me totally free right now. And that helps you be intentional about doing three small daily tasks every day.
Mm-hmm. To build that confidence. To go back to that question about. How do you do this daily?
Kristin Kienzle: Yes.
Emily Stevens: Right. It's keeping promises to yourself and if you're hearing that and thinking, okay, how do I do that? Like, what does she even mean by that? That mini course can walk you through exactly what I mean by that, and it's totally free.
Kristin Kienzle: How much time does it take? What's the
Emily Stevens: time
Kristin Kienzle: commitment?
Emily Stevens: Excellent question. There are five different videos, but. All of them together aren't over 15 minutes. I'm a bottom line kind of gal. Yeah. Like there's no fluff in anything I do. Like we're getting to the point.
Yeah.
Or we're, you know, I don't, I don't take a lot of time to beat around the bush or anything.
Good. So it's about 15 minutes [00:27:00] of video, but then there's also some self-reflection. Right. But this is also something, you know, do it over three weeks. Do it over. Five days do it all at once. Right?
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: Again, there are no rules but doing it, watching a video today or watching, you know, a video a week for the next five weeks is gonna be better than doing nothing.
Kristin Kienzle: Absolutely.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Because that's another thing I always say, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Oh yeah,
but the change doesn't have to be dramatic. We're not talking about reinventing your life overnight. Right? I don't expect you to hear this podcast or even to do three for me. And the next day you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so positive.
This is work. It takes time and it takes effort, but the sooner you're intentional about it, the sooner you're gonna see the results and feel better. That's it. Yeah. It's all about like in the end, feeling better. I do this work 'cause I love seeing women.
Actually like come alive in themselves and live lives that they're really proud of and that are really authentic and they feel good about it. Right? Yeah. And that's really the bottom line is to feel better.
Collaboration Over Competition
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Kristin Kienzle: [00:28:00] So something else I'm noticing as becoming a, a trend that's improved greatly in my adult life
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: Is women are finally learning that we have to be supportive and kind to each other.
Emily Stevens: Yes.
Kristin Kienzle: I love the, the collaborations I'm seeing. Mm-hmm.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And that is huge in our salons.
And it is probably the one thing I'm most proud of.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: We have, you know, we've got multiple beauty providers, however, you know, that may mean we have six hairstylists in one hallway.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: And people are like, well, do they compete? No. They draw completely different clientele. Yeah.
They do different specialties, like there's no competition. It's, it's collaboration over competition all day long.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And we've really got that mastered in our community, which like I said is my biggest pride point.
Emily Stevens: Yeah, it should be.
Kristin Kienzle: That being said, how do you feel like that has played in, have you seen that trend change and does that help when, when your peers are more.
Forgiving. More compassionate to you mm-hmm. And more supportive.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: Does that [00:29:00] help build confidence? Is that a play on how we're viewing ourselves?
Emily Stevens: Well, I think when we're nicer to ourselves, we're nicer to other people.
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah. That's true.
Emily Stevens: Right. It does go that way. Yes. When, when we, when we offer ourselves more self-compassion mm-hmm.
We are offering other people more self-compassion. That's true. Right. There's a lot of projection happening in situations like this. Right. And I think you should be really, really proud of that culture in your salons though, because.
That's hard to do, right? Mm-hmm. Because there is this underlying thing about women competing against women. Mm-hmm. But I'm a firm believer. I mean, I'm a girl's girl through and through. Right. I'm always gonna support women. Mm-hmm. When I go to a business, I wanna work with a woman like
Kristin Kienzle: same,
Emily Stevens: right? Because women get it.
And I just think
Kristin Kienzle: my contractor is a woman.
Emily Stevens: I love that.
Kristin Kienzle: I do too. And I just so
Emily Stevens: much
Kristin Kienzle: like working with her.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. And it's so awesome when women are supporting each other, but I do really think that comes back to. Individuals and building up your own [00:30:00] self-confidence so that someone else's success doesn't threaten your success.
Kristin Kienzle: Absolutely.
Emily Stevens: Right. Like someone else's beauty doesn't take away from my beauty. Right? Right. Like, you can be beautiful and I can be beautiful. Yes. You can be successful and I can be successful. And I think that's the shift of. When a person is confident, they're not threatened by what other people are doing.
One of the greatest compliments I ever received from a friend was, she's like, there's never any competition with you.
Kristin Kienzle: Mm-hmm.
Emily Stevens: Ever. She's like, you are always so genuinely happy for people. Mm-hmm. And like, it's giving me goosebumps to say that because it a great compliment. It was a beautiful compliment.
Mm-hmm. Right. But it's true because I know. What I am going after. I know what I want. And that's not to say that there haven't been times when I'm be like, oh, I would like that too.
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: But not in a way that's like, so I'm gonna put her down. Mm-hmm. It's like, okay, she's showing me that I could have it too.
So yeah, I, I am glad to hear that you are cultivating that. Mm-hmm. And that is something that we still have to be aware of, and there's no, like, one [00:31:00] thing that's gonna solve that, other than building up an army of women who love themselves and therefore love other people.
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah. I love that. Do you have any stories? I, I'm sure you have transformative stories or
Emily Stevens: mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: People who you've helped.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
You Are The Genius
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Emily Stevens: I. I have one client that I'm thinking of that I worked with a long time ago, and she had gotten out of a marriage, which you don't have to get out of a marriage to be confident.
And she got out of this relationship. She got outta this marriage and she was really struggling and she was really coming to me. She wanted me to give her the answer. She wanted me to tell her, this is what you need to do.
This is how. This will work, right? And I would always tell her one another. One of my philosophies is, you are the genius of you. Only you know yourself the best, right? Like you know yourself better than anybody else does. I can't tell you what a good life is for you. I can tell you what a good life is for me, but I can't tell you for you.
Yeah.
And I wanted her to have wild discernment. I was like, even the things I say, I'm not a guru. Right. I'm [00:32:00] just trying to navigate this with you. Even things I say, I want you to have wild discernment. If you disagree with me, disagree with me. Yeah.
Say so.
Yeah. Right. Like live that.
Yeah.
And so there was a time I wanted her to do some things for herself.
She really struggled to do anything for herself. She was at the very, very bottom of the priority list. So I told her, she's like, okay, I wanna do one thing for myself every month. I was like, great. Make a list. Next time we meet, I want you to show me the list.
Kristin Kienzle: Mm-hmm.
Emily Stevens: Okay. So in a year, that's 12 things, right?
12 things for her to do for herself. She comes back the next meeting, no list. She
Kristin Kienzle: didn't even take the time to make the list.
Emily Stevens: She sat down for herself. Yeah, she sat down to do it. She couldn't think of anything. She moved on. Oh, right. And so I, I said to her, I kind of had a, we kind of had a harder session where I was like, what do you mean you couldn't make the list?
Mm-hmm. Like what, what? I can't tell you what fun is. I can't, I can't do this for you. You are the only one that can do this. And since then, right since that moment, she was a different person. [00:33:00] Something about. That realization of. Okay. Emily's really not gonna tell me what to do. No one else is gonna come save me.
Mm-hmm. I'm in a cage of my own making. Right. Really kicked her in the backside and she was able to make a list follow through on her list. Right. She, she became, was
Kristin Kienzle: her list just outrageous. Then once she. Flip the switch. Was it really cool stuff?
Emily Stevens: Actually, I mean, some of it was very simple stuff, right?
Because again, it doesn't have to be huge changes. It just has to be intentional. And so I love that story because when we hear that like, oh, make a list of 12 fun things, a lot of us are like, well, that's super easy. But it's not, for everyone. Right. And that was her thing. But we all have our thing that if I said, here's your activity, you'd go, Ugh, I don't know if I can do that or want to do that, or, I don't know that I wanna face that.
Can't you just tell me what to do? Yeah. Couldn't Yeah. Couldn't you just tell me how to make this better? Yeah. Like, tell me how to have confidence. And it's like I can't, yeah, I can show you a roadmap, but you have to do the work. Mm-hmm. You have to take the [00:34:00] action. And so I love that story because I think it highlights.
Again, these aren't huge sweeping changes. Mm-hmm. This isn't changing your life overnight and Monday becoming a different person. This is just those small things that put you more in control of who you are, who you want to be, and being intentional about living your life. And at the end of all of that, she said, I feel like I'm finally living now.
Kristin Kienzle: Mm-hmm. That's
Emily Stevens: she, she went from feeling like she wasn't living to now living. Mm-hmm. And the catalyst was just a list of fun things. That's great.
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. It was wild to see that transformation, but I think it's so important 'cause people want some big sweeping thing and it doesn't have to be that.
Kristin Kienzle: Mm-hmm. It can be a lot simpler.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. So much simpler.
Confidence On Camera
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Kristin Kienzle: So something that. Is a part of a beauty professional's life.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And some would say, unfortunately is social media content.
Emily Stevens: Oh
Kristin Kienzle: yeah. Mm-hmm. I hear a lot lately that. The more authentic it is [00:35:00] and maybe rough, the better that it does uhhuh, you know, the less polished.
Sure. And especially if it's a little more vulnerable,
Emily Stevens: Uhhuh,
Kristin Kienzle: that those things do really well.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: What would you have to say to our beauty professionals who really struggle with that? Because I'm gonna tell you, that's probably 99.9% of them, and they know it works. They see it works. Mm-hmm. They believe it.
But doing it is hard, myself included. Yeah. And luckily because the way our business is set up, I rarely. I'm not the face of Utopia Uhhuh. The face of Utopia is all the people who work there, so I don't have to do it much.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: But there are times I think, you know, it would be beneficial if I did a video of showing, doing a tour.
Ashley, my Uhhuh grand operations manager, and I, yes, we've talked about that. Yes. Like we need to have some video of me doing a tour and every time she tells me I need to get in front of the camera. Every single time I'm like, oh no, not doing that. Let's do it a different way. And, and like I said, this is an integral part of Yes.
All of their businesses.
Emily Stevens: Absolutely.
Kristin Kienzle: So give us a, give us a great tidbit to all the beauty pros out there. What would you say to them [00:36:00] about that part of their job?
Emily Stevens: So, I have a few different things. First off, I totally get it because you know, as a confidence coach and a therapist, I initially didn't sign up to be a social media manager for myself too.
So I totally get that, that that's part of the job that a lot of people are like, wait, I signed up to do hair. All
Kristin Kienzle: of us. Yes.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. I didn't sign up to do social media. But unfortunately, or fortunately, it's part of it. Yeah. And what I will say about that is that it's a skill.
Right the first time you did a haircut.
Kristin Kienzle: True.
Emily Stevens: Probably wasn't the best haircut ever. Right? The first video you do, it's probably not gonna be that great, but it's a skill that you can develop.
Kristin Kienzle: But how do you, when it's not that great? Mm-hmm. And you know, it's not that great and we're so self-critical, Uhhuh, how do you put it out there anyway?
Emily Stevens: You just have to hit post. You have to take the action. Okay. You have to push through and give yourself that self-compassion, right? And that self-trust to say, mm-hmm. I'm gonna be okay. And remember, think of how much content people take in in a day. I always tell my clients, don't get too precious about one piece of content because there's so much [00:37:00] stuff coming at us.
True. I actually have a background in broadcasting. I used to work as an on air radio dj, and a lot of those skills translated into on camera, and so I have people all the time, they're like, you're so good on camera, this and that. And I'm like, well, it's because I have 15 years of experience.
Kristin Kienzle: You still Yeah.
Emily Stevens: Speaking basically in a room. By myself to myself. And so that really translates well when I just hold up a camera in front of me. But I actually took all those skills and I put it into a course called Confidence on camera. Again, it's another mini course. The video's less than 15 minutes. We like to bottom line it, but you also get ACEC checklist that you can go through of things to do before you start recording.
And it's those quick little tips that will change the way you show up on camera because there are little things that you can do that make you. Seem more natural that make you feel like, oh, I don't seem like a robot or a zombie in that video. Right. Yeah. And so if you combine those skills or those tips and tricks mm-hmm.
With. Forcing yourself basically to keep [00:38:00] doing it and keep trying it. You are going to get better. But it's one of those things that like if you only did one haircut ever, you're not ever gonna get better at cutting hair.
Kristin Kienzle: It's true.
Emily Stevens: Right? You have to keep doing it.
Kristin Kienzle: So are your tips part of just being prepared and set up?
'cause I think that would instantly give me confidence
Emily Stevens: so, yeah, being prepared is a big thing. That's why I have that checklist so that people know, okay, these are the things I need to do. 'cause a lot of times we wanna just wing it.
I need to make a video. Lemme grab my phone real quick and I'm gonna make a video. And I mean, is that what you do for hair color? Or you just like, I'll wing it. I hope I have whatever formula I need. No, you go and you make sure you have the formula. You make sure you've talked to the client.
Like, you know, if you, if you have a blonde that wants to go brunette, you need that color formula. Yeah. Or they're not going brunette today or getting low lights, right?
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah.
Emily Stevens: But it's kind of the same thing. Yes. You can't just expect this is a skill.
That's why there's companies that have full on social media managers, people that do this as a full-time job. It's not something that you can just wing. You have to, again, I'm going to, I'm a broken record when it comes to being intentional. Mm-hmm. You [00:39:00] have to have some intention behind it, and that's what confidence on camera sets people up for.
It gives them that intention going into recording, but then also things to do while recording so that they. The videos come across more natural, and they feel better delivering the information because ultimately, if you feel good doing it, mm-hmm you're gonna be less critical when you post it.
Kristin Kienzle: So I'm gonna take that course.
Emily Stevens: Okay.
Kristin Kienzle: And then we're going to see how this podcast changes.
Emily Stevens: Okay. I love that.
Kristin Kienzle: And I'm also going to be very compassionate when I,
Emily Stevens: yes.
Kristin Kienzle: When I view this podcast.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: I'm only gonna say things to myself that I would say to someone else.
Emily Stevens: Exactly. Yes.
Kristin Kienzle: That'll be a huge shift because sometimes that's hard. So I think it'll be interesting to see how mm-hmm.
Even this gets better.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. Well, I might have to follow up with you on that. Okay. After this podcast comes out, I'm gonna have to shoot you an email and be like, okay. Tell me some of the things you said after watching.
Kristin Kienzle: Okay. Accountability.
Emily Stevens: I know I'm putting you to the test.
Kristin Kienzle: I love it. Sounds good.
Closing And Contact Info
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Kristin Kienzle: Well, [00:40:00] I'm excited.
To dive more into what you do personally. Oh,
Emily Stevens: that's so cool.
Kristin Kienzle: And I think I'm excited to be able to share it with our beauty professionals as well.
Emily Stevens: Yeah,
Kristin Kienzle: we, we do a lot of communication with them and we do a newsletter. Mm-hmm. Ashley does, I've told you.
Emily Stevens: Yeah.
Kristin Kienzle: Gotta give a little shout out to Ashley Rocky. ~ Gotta give a little shout out to Ashley Rocky.~
She's the best. She is. She does everything visual. She's our brand operations manager. She's working on our new website. It's gonna be amazing. But anyway, we do like to communicate with them and support them constantly.
Emily Stevens: Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: And we've shared things with them, you know, tax information, when the tips changed, all that, which is super necessary, but it's not as fun.
But I think this will resonate really well with them. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And be very valuable. So I've been so excited too. Talk to you with this about this. And now I'm so excited to. Take it back to work, you know? Yeah. I love
Emily Stevens: that.
Kristin Kienzle: Yeah. I love
Emily Stevens: that.
Kristin Kienzle: And get everybody at least thinking about it.
Emily Stevens: ~Yes. ~
Kristin Kienzle: And, and at least enjoying some of the takeaways, if not diving deeper and, and potentially working with you.
Emily Stevens: Yeah. At the end of the day, I always say, I just hope that after [00:41:00] hearing this, you're just a little bit nicer to yourself. Mm-hmm.
Kristin Kienzle: So how do you like people to get in touch with you if they wanna work with you or know more about what you do?
Emily Stevens: Sure. So my business is called Laid Back Achievers, so you can find me at laidbackachievers.com that has my email, all my socials, all my courses.
I have personal courses, I have business courses like Competence on Cameras, a business course and all that can be found at laidbackachievers.com.
Kristin Kienzle: Great. Thank you. well, Emily, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to join us. This has been super fun, and like I said, I can't wait to take everything that I've learned back into my own life and share it with the people who work in our salons.
Emily Stevens: Thank you so much for having me.
[00:42:00]