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How are people experiencing me as a mentor? What do people feel when I walk into the room? Every person has a presence. It's that thing people notice about them when they walk into a room, either positive or negative. It's the experience people have in interacting with you. So what is your presence as a mentor? How is your mentee impacted when you show up? Stephen "Murr-dawg" Murray is finally back on the podcast as Zach's special guest this week to help unpack how you can use your presence to benefit your mentee.
Show Notes
How are people experiencing me as a mentor? What do people feel when I walk into the room? Every person has a presence. It's that thing people notice about them when they walk into a room, either positive or negative. It's the experience people have in interacting with you. So what is your presence as a mentor? How is your mentee impacted when you show up? Stephen "Murr-dawg" Murray is finally back on the podcast as Zach's special guest this week to help unpack how you can use your presence to benefit your mentee.
Let Stephen or Zach know how you feel about a Mentoring Conference sometime next year:
zach@youcanmentor.com
stephen@youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Let Stephen or Zach know how you feel about a Mentoring Conference sometime next year:
zach@youcanmentor.com
stephen@youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Mentors and mentoring leaders, Zach Ardo here with the You Can Mentor podcast. I got 3 things that I would like to ask of you today. Number 1, if you are a mentoring organization and you would like to be on our podcast or learn more about the best practices of mentoring, please reach out to us, www.youcanmentor.com. You can send us an email, zachzach@youcanmentor.com, or stephen, that's with a PH, at you canmentor.com. You can also find us on social media.
Speaker 2:Give us that DM, and we'll get back to you. We just wanna get to know you, and we wanna learn more about what you're doing in your communities to advance mentoring. And we believe that interaction leads to innovation. So let's work together and advance the team in through mentoring. Number 2, if you know of someone who would benefit from the You Can Mentor podcast, please share our podcast, share our information with them.
Speaker 2:That would be super helpful. And then lastly, if you could rate our podcast on Apple podcast, give us that 5 star. It will help spread the word about mentoring. And, You Can Mentor podcast because we really do want every mentoring org in America who is trying to make disciples through mentoring to know about us. We wanna get to know about them so we can learn from them and work together to help kids reach their full potential.
Speaker 2:So that's what I got. Please do those things. Reach out to us. Share and rate. Appreciate you.
Speaker 2:You can mentor. Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. I've got this new guest that I've it's been it feels like decades since I've talked to him, honestly. His name is I'm I'm sorry, sir. Why don't you tell me your name again?
Speaker 3:Stephen Murray.
Speaker 2:Oh, Stephen mur aka the Murdoch.
Speaker 3:You're still doing this?
Speaker 2:Jeez. That hurts my feelings so bad. You're just over there just dying, laughing, just on a Friday, cool, calm, and collected.
Speaker 3:Zach, it is an it is an honor to be on your podcast.
Speaker 2:This is our podcast. We started this together.
Speaker 3:I thought you kicked me off.
Speaker 2:I did, but you're back on. It's great. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen It's great
Speaker 3:to be back.
Speaker 2:Boys and girls, mentors of all ages, welcome. Welcome to our podcast. Steven, what's been going on with you?
Speaker 3:Man, I've just been in the analog world, just hanging out with people in person, trying to lead an organization that you practically abandoned. I'm just kidding. Very grateful for you giving me my job and me still having it, So things are great.
Speaker 2:For those people who do not know about Stephen Murray, he is leading an organization in Dallas, Texas called 4 Runner Mentoring. It's great. Stephen's doing an amazing job. He's been at the helm now for a whopping 15 months.
Speaker 3:Hasn't been that long, well.
Speaker 2:And it's it has been that long. Well, buddy, it's it is good to have you here. For those people who are engaging with us today, I just want y'all to know that we have done little to no preparation whatsoever for this podcast. So we are just legitimately flying off the cuff today. But the Lord has been doing a ton in my heart and in Steven's heart, and sometime as as a leader, as a mentor, as someone who's investing into others, it's just helpful just to hear what's on people's hearts.
Speaker 2:And so all of us here are mentors, all of us here are leaders, whether it's in the workplace or as a mentor or as a parent in the nonprofit church sector, whatever. All of us have people who are looking up to us and who are calling us leaders. So yeah. So we're just gonna talk about that today. A couple side notes that I wanted to share with you all.
Speaker 2:Number 1, if you haven't caught on, we are I don't wanna say we're going away from the weekly podcast, but we might not have a podcast every week. So just know that we haven't abandoned y'all, kinda like I did with Steven. We simply are trying to figure out new ways of scheduling podcasts and things like that as both Steven and I have experienced transitions. So don't worry. We're still here.
Speaker 3:What Zach's trying to say is that he bought a new house.
Speaker 2:Actually, the main it's a new cat. I have a new cat. His name's We Cat, and it's he's taking up most of my time.
Speaker 3:It's a huge adjustment. It's a big responsibility.
Speaker 2:It's a it's a small cat with a big responsibility. And number 2, we are kicking around the idea and Steven, this is news to you because we don't talk anymore. We're kicking around the idea of having a mentoring conference.
Speaker 3:Woah. Let's go.
Speaker 2:That's right. Next year sometime, just gathering mentoring leaders to talk about mentoring, to talk about being a leader, being a mentor, to build community, to build relationships, things like that. If you want in on that, if you think that would be helpful, I'm putting the onus on you. You have to contact us, zach@youcanmentor.com. Steven with the PH at youcanmentor.com.
Speaker 2:We may or may not respond to your email. Just kidding. But send us an email or hit us up on them DMs on the Instagram. Isn't isn't that how the kids are saying it these days? Yeah.
Speaker 2:And just tell us, hey, that that sounds awesome. So those are my 2 announcements.
Speaker 3:I love it. I'm gonna be there, Zach.
Speaker 2:Well, we're gonna figure out who we're gonna invite. You may or may not make the cut, but alright. Well, today's podcast episode is titled The Presence of a Mentor. That's right. The Presence of a Mentor.
Speaker 2:So a good question that I like to ask myself is how are people experiencing me as a mentor, as a leader? What do people feel when I walk into the room? So, Stephen, why don't you tell people what you think people feel whenever you walk into the room?
Speaker 3:It's a great question. I think when what I want people to feel is warmth and joy and excitement. That's not always what they do feel when I walk in the room. They might they might think that guy's ridiculously good looking.
Speaker 2:And so humble. Just the humblest man that's ever walked on the earth. Number 1 in humility.
Speaker 3:No. But I I just think about my son, anytime he sees me, that is like, if I could get everybody to experience me like that, like, that that would be a goal in life. I mean, just so excited to to see me wanting to be in my presence. And not like a knee jerk reaction where it's like, oh, let me sit up straight, let me perform or present myself accordingly. That I I think that's what I would want.
Speaker 3:I would want how Ben, when he sees me, like, he runs to the door, and he's screaming my name. Like, he's just so excited. Like, that would be amazing if if I create a relationships where people wanted my presence like that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:For sure it does. I think for me, I I want people to feel like I have time for I I want people to feel like they are important And that whenever I am with them, there's nothing more important than our conversation or their needs or whatever it is that they wanna discuss. I want people to feel stability. I want people to feel maturity. I want people to feel cared for.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Especially my mentees. Especially those people that I'm investing into. However, so often what they actually experience is someone who's in a hurry. Is someone who might be in the same room with them, but isn't paying attention to them because they're thinking about the next thing.
Speaker 2:Someone who has let external circumstances or situations throughout the day to get them off track, to get them off kilter. Whether I'm stressed or I'm angry or I'm anxious or anything like that. So often people feel that I'm in a hurry. And, Steven, I I remember whenever I used to work at 4 Runner and we worked together, how how often did you see me walking through the office at a fast pace on a mission?
Speaker 3:Every time.
Speaker 2:And okay. So here's a here's a chance to be vulnerable. And, Steven, we're friends, but tell me how that made you feel whenever I was going from place to place and I was on a mission, strategic plan, goals, just lots of goals.
Speaker 3:I would just say you are like, before noon, Zach Garza, is business. And then afternoon, you're definitely more relational and, like, you start singing and kinda get get into more of, like, realizing that you probably went too far on the business side in the morning, and so you're trying to make up for it and create a warm environment. And so
Speaker 2:Yeah. The on on my calendar from 1 to 1:30, it just says apologize. Just because I'm just apologizing for how I acted from 8 to 12.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. Well, I I actually have a a Polaroid of you, and it's a bookmark in a a catechism that I'm reading to my staff every morning at our check-in, which I don't think you knew I was doing that. But it's a Polaroid with your face, and you're looking very sternly. And it just says on the in, like, the the portion of the Polaroid below, it says, what's your priority? And so it it starts my day with looking at Zac's face.
Speaker 3:Like, he is a walking what's your priority in the morning. And that's a good reminder for me because, I mean, I need that. Like and there's benefit to that. But I I think what you're what you're kinda getting at is that our presence, eventually, we will begin to have our own narrative of how the people in our life, who they are based off of just their rhythm and routine of how we experience them. It it shapes our opinion and it shapes our our feeling about that relationship.
Speaker 3:And it's good to consider what our presence does to people, for better or for worse. So I've
Speaker 2:gotten to know this guy. And by gotten to know, I mean, he came down and facilitated a one day session with my job. So I don't really know him. But his name is doctor Bill Gautier, and he has a book that I forgot what it's called. But he he was discipled by Dallas Willard.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:And if and if those people out there don't know who Dallas Willard is, he's just a major leader in in faith, older man. And one day, Bill was having lunch with Dallas Willard. And he was asked the question, if you had one word to describe Jesus, what would it be? And the words that started going through my friend's mind were words like love, compassion, holy, teacher, healer. Right?
Speaker 2:But then he asked, doctor Willard, what was your word? How would you describe Jesus? And he said, relaxed. Mhmm. He said, relaxed.
Speaker 2:And that kinda caught my attention because that is not what I think of whenever I think of Jesus. I think of so many different things. But if you take a look in the gospels, you can see that Jesus was indeed that he that he was indeed I'm sorry, that he was at ease, that he really embodied the my yoke is easy, the burden is light. In Mark 1 12 through 13, when when it was time for Jesus to launch his public ministry, what did he do? He went into the desert for 40 days to pray.
Speaker 2:Right? When there's a boat at sea and he's in a massive storm, what does he do? He takes a nap.
Speaker 3:That's crazy.
Speaker 2:Right? Whenever he walks into the temple and he sees people turning his father's house into a marketplace and taking advantage of the poor, what does he do? He he actually sits down and he takes the time to weave a rope to drive them out. Right? I mean, that must have taken some time.
Speaker 2:He is consistently getting away to pray. He's consistently going at a slow, unhurried pace and communing with God moment after moment, day after day. He is walking in the spirit. He is, you know, not rushing from meeting to meeting. He doesn't have his these are the seven priorities that I'm going to do today.
Speaker 2:He's consistently finding time to meet with people. Jesus was relaxed. He was non anxious. There's a book out there called The Failure of Nerve. And it's an incredible book that talks about having a non anxious presence.
Speaker 2:And that is the kind of mentor that I want to be. I want people to feel the person of Jesus Christ when they're with me. To feel like they're the most important person in the entire world. To feel cared for and valued. And there's nothing more important than hearing what you have to say right now.
Speaker 2:And unfortunately, so often, whether it's with my mentee or with my wife or with my children or with my staff, they do not feel that. Instead, what they feel is they feel the anxiety of the day. They feel my hurriedness. They feel like they are not as important as my priorities or my to do list. And I don't like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So that feeling is that like the like, are we amplifying that anxiety or are we absorbing it? I I think there there's something there is that we could we could amplify that anxiety and make it more pronounced. Cause everyone's anxious about something. Now the scripture tells us be anxious for nothing.
Speaker 3:And I think that that idea of Jesus being the most unhurried individual, it's like I mean, what the scripture is talking about, like, he he's longing for everyone to be saved. Like, that that's his his main desire. And if you look throughout history, God takes telling a story to God is like, well, I'm gonna take 2 1000 years to tell a story about about my love my love for you guys. He's he's not in a hurry to just just finish things, and he's in the business of absorbing anxiety, not amplifying it.
Speaker 2:And I think that's an amazing point, Steven, because how many times have you been amped up about something? Have you had an issue? Have you been anxious? And then you go to someone who's older, someone who's wiser, and you're just like, da da da da. This is what's going on today.
Speaker 2:I can't believe they did this. Right? And that person is just, hey, let's take a second. Let's pray. I hear you.
Speaker 2:Let's see what the Lord has to say about this. Let's see what scripture has to say. We're just going to take a second and just calm down. It's almost like you, as the one with all the issues, just takes a deep breath and you're like, okay. Everything is gonna be okay.
Speaker 2:And so what a great opportunity we have as a mentor and as a leader. Everything that's going on in our mentee's life, fear or anxiety or worry or financial issues or culture issues, all of those things. We get to be a safe environment. We get to be a safe place for that child, that mentee to vent, to express how they feel, to process how they feel, and ultimately to feel heard, to feel valued, to feel like they matter. Because nothing will show a person that they matter more than you taking the time out of your day and giving them your undivided attention to hear about what's going on with them.
Speaker 3:That's really good.
Speaker 2:And you can't and you can't do that if you're going at a at a 1000 miles an hour. You can't do that if you yourself are anxious. You can't do that if you yourself are just dealing with stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I I wonder because I I think it is good to make the even in the catechisms I'm sharing with our staff, like the first 15 of them, it's like it's Tim Keller's new catechism, New City Catechism, and the first 15 of them are setting up sin and the law and all the things of, like, we are not good. We do not know the way to go. We choose failure, and we we are not the solution. We need Jesus.
Speaker 3:And and so when we talk about presence and we're like, Jesus is kind, relaxed, unhurried, loving, merciful, all of those things. And when we think about our presence, we're like, I want to be those things, but I'm always falling short. I'm always letting people down. I need to set up my calendar time to apologize, and that's a given. But it's like, God intends to be on our life for other people and that His presence as believers, He's among us.
Speaker 3:He's with us. He's in us. He's on us. Like, I've always loved when when people share about the holy spirit being in us to convict us of sin and on us to impart his love and presence to others. And it's like, as mentors, we need God's presence to convict us of where we fall short and where we need him, and we need his presence on us for the people that are around us so that they're experiencing his presence when we're in their presence, not not just our own.
Speaker 2:And I think that's an awesome point, Steven. One of my favorite things about It's
Speaker 3:too ghosty.
Speaker 2:Is no. No. It's not ghosty. Even though I'm I'm just gonna be honest, I don't really what a catechism is. It sounds like is it a caterpillar?
Speaker 2:Does that sound like Are
Speaker 3:we Catholic now?
Speaker 2:It's okay if you're Catholic, by the way. There's nothing wrong with that. Okay. So let's get back on topic here, Murdog. See, this is what happens whenever I invite you.
Speaker 3:The catechism is a question and answer to a theological theological question about who God is, what he is. It's supposed to help children. And so my staff probably feels a little by that, but I think it's helpful. So
Speaker 2:Okay. So this is one of my favorite things about Jesus is he never reacted. He never reacted out of his emotions. Right? Like, have you ever experienced this where you have a mentor or you have someone who you go to and you share something with them?
Speaker 2:Like, hey, I I just dropped the ball big time on this project or I just messed up majorly. And to you, it's like the biggest deal ever. And they just look at you and they're totally 100% unfazed. I just love that. Like, I I can remember I was discipling this group of high school seniors.
Speaker 2:And one Saturday morning, we went to go grab breakfast. And we're sitting there and I was like, hey, guys. How'd it go last night? And they all kinda start taking a look at each other and all of a sudden this one guy goes, man, coach, we we partied pretty hard last night. And we actually took my friend's car and we wrecked it into a into a telephone pole.
Speaker 2:And all of them were just like expecting me to freak out. Like, what? What are you doing? Don't you guys know that you shouldn't be drinking and driving? Like, don't you know these things?
Speaker 2:And as soon as they said that, they were just zeroed in on me. Like, what is he going to do? How is he going to react? And I could have blown up and I could have made a huge deal and I could have been anxious and, oh, what? Right?
Speaker 2:But instead, I was just like, man, guys, is everything okay? Like and I just asked a bunch of questions. Hey. How does that make you feel? Tell me what you learned from this, you know, da da da da.
Speaker 2:And it's kind of what you said. At that moment, I could have made things a 1000 times worse by me myself reacting in a negative way, or I could have calmed down the situation through my response. And ultimately, we had a great conversation. And I I think I think those guys left and they learned a couple of things about themselves and about life. And so I think as mentors, it's really important for us to understand how our reactions are making our mentees feel and how can we put ourselves in the best possible situation where whenever our mentees or our staff or whoever shares a piece of news that is bad, shares a weakness or where they messed up, we have the best opportunity to react in a godly way, in a non anxious way, in a calm way that ultimately leads to success or change in a positive way.
Speaker 3:That's good. Yeah. I I I would say well, I I was reviewing a journal. I've actually been trying to digitize all my journals because I don't know. I don't know if I'm feeling nostalgic or what, but, anyways
Speaker 2:I think it's because you're a nerd. It
Speaker 3:I was hoping this digitized thing would, like, transcript, like, all of it into text so I could put it in, like, notes or whatever, but it came back all, like, in Cyrillian alphabet, like, Russian. And I was like, I think I just got hacked. But, anyways, this note, it I was writing something in the journal about being angry with this person, and I I was creating arguments in my head. And it it does remind me of that scripture. It was like, we take every thought captive, And I was not doing that.
Speaker 3:I was having a mental argument, speaking on my behalf in the most aggressive, assertive manner, and then putting words in this person's mouth of how they would respond to things that I said, which is I would not recommend anyone do that. Just go talk to the person. And, anyways, I had written down in the journal something I heard the lord speak to me in this season, and it was, your response will be their testimony. How how we respond to difficulty, disappointment, pain, anger, frustration, how we respond to people will be their testimony. It will be the witness of if if I lean in to the heart of Jesus and the the part of me that reflects him, that the the part of me that he made me to be, I can be a demonstration of God's love, care, tenderness, kindness to them in the way that I respond.
Speaker 3:And and that has always stayed with me. In any moment, there's an opportunity for me to react like you were saying. I'll just hear that in the back of my head. Your response will be their testimony. And that it's a good it's a good check for me.
Speaker 3:And I really feel like it's it's just the Holy Spirit saying, hey. This is one of those. Your response will be their testimony.
Speaker 2:So when asking the question, how do others experience me? When asking the question, what do people feel when they're in my presence? Obviously, we want to be like Jesus. We want to be unhurried. We want to not react in our emotions, in our in our anxiety.
Speaker 2:We wanna be a calm presence. We wanna be stable, mature, a safe environment. Our response will be their testimony. Man, I I think that's so good, Steven. More times than not, people are going to vividly remember how you respond to them.
Speaker 2:I heard once, and I could be wrong about this, but when kids experience trauma, one of the best ways to get them to or for the trauma to not have a devastating impact is what happens after the trauma. And how people respond to them and what kind of care do they get and what kind of love do they receive after this horrible event that has taken place. It's important. How we respond is really important. So the question that I'm gonna ask next is, how do we as mentors, how do we as leaders, as mothers and fathers and leaders and mentors and organizational leaders, how do we keep ourselves in in a mindset where we're able to respond rightly?
Speaker 2:How do we keep from getting sucked into the anxiousness of this world from the to do list and the busyness and all of that? How do we stay well differentiated? Tell me how tell me some things that you do to keep yourself walking in the spirit in that mindset able to respond in a godly way.
Speaker 3:And I feel like it's such a a a trope on a faith based mentoring podcast to say, like, how are we incorporating the presence of God within normal rhythms of our organization or our life. But those are always markers because you create. It challenges us. Like the Forerunner, you started. And one of the things that you implemented as a practice of our staff was a weekly prayer meeting and that happens to this day.
Speaker 3:And everyone will always give me feedback that that's their favorite meeting that we have because it's an acknowledgment of God's presence and it's a reset in the middle of the week of keeping the main things the main things. And when we do that, it informs what happens the rest of the week, but it also helps us to reflect how we started the week of just, are we tapping into this different kingdom? Are we seeing this new perspective of what God wants us to see, not just what we see in the physical but the spiritual? Do we have spiritual eyes to see the hope we have for our mentees, the faith we have for our staff and for our volunteers. And so I mean, I'd say that rhythm really has helped us a lot of doing that corporately together to really just I mean, it functions as a wake up call.
Speaker 3:And I know that's probably not the entire purpose of it. It's like if you approach Sunday morning church as like the wake up call to think about God and pursue God, Like that might not be everything that Sunday morning is supposed to be, but even still, it does inform and call to mind if on Sunday I am hands up, I'm worshiping, I'm jumping up and down, but there's nowhere in the rest of my week that I'm doing that, it calls me to attention to be like, I want to live in the presence of God and not just show up on Sunday morning. And so as a mentor, finding those practices and disciplines that then inform and help you to reflect on just your every day, I think is very helpful. And so I don't know if you'd add to that, but
Speaker 2:Yeah. So every day we're pouring out. Right? We're pouring out at home. We're pouring out at work.
Speaker 2:We're pouring out to our mentees, all these things. And every morning it is, for me, it is vital that I get filled back up. That I experience the Lord through reading a scripture, through prayer, through worship, through taking out my journal, all these things. How however you connect with God. But we've got to get filled up so that we can walk in the spirit.
Speaker 2:So that we don't so that we're not owned by our flesh. Right? Because in my flesh, I I am results driven. I am all about performance. I am in a hurry.
Speaker 2:I am anxious. I put results over people all the time. But when I walk in the spirit, I look more like Jesus. Right? The Holy Spirit came to be our helper.
Speaker 2:Right? And the fruit of the spirit is love. It's joy. It's peace. It's patience.
Speaker 2:It's kindness. It's goodness. It's faithfulness. It's gentleness. It's self control.
Speaker 2:And if these are the fruit of the Spirit, that means that I cannot produce those things out of my flesh. So if I'm not letting the spirit lead, if I'm not in communion with him, then I'm not producing these things. And this is what I want my mentee to feel. This is what I want my wife and my kids and those people that I work with. This is what I want them to feel.
Speaker 2:I want them to say, Zach is full of joy. He's a man of peace. He is patient and he is gentle and kind. Those are the things that I want people to say about me. And so I think that spending time with Jesus to get filled up each and every morning, surrounding yourself with people who are positive, your community and things like that, having a healthy rhythm, a healthy pace of schedule, trying not to work too much, but having fun and having hobbies and exercising and eating right.
Speaker 2:All of these things are going to help you become a person of peace, a person worth following. And ultimately, you're gonna create a safe environment where people feel Jesus to represent Jesus. Right? Means to represent Jesus. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:So when you represent Jesus, you are representing him to other people. What a great opportunity we have to do that.
Speaker 3:Come
Speaker 2:on. So
Speaker 3:I I thought of one thing, Zach. This this was recent in my marriage, which I think would relate to mentorship. Not that I'm mentoring my spouse. But
Speaker 2:Yeah. You should not say that. Your wife would kill you.
Speaker 3:I text I texted her an assessment, and I said, babe, I wanna know how I'm doing as a husband. Will you take this assessment? And she was like, no. And I said, what do you mean? I'm just trying I'm trying to be, like, good.
Speaker 3:Like, I'm trying to be a better husband for you. She was like, ask me your questions. Don't send me a a link to a a survey. Like, I'm I literally lay next to you every evening. Like, why don't you just talk to me?
Speaker 3:And so we literally sat in bed and I clicked the link and I was just like, babe, on a scale of 1 to 10, and and she was like, she just like slapped me. And she was like, just talk to me.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Just ask me how I feel. And I feel like there's somebody listening that is maybe like me, who is approaching it that way. And it's like, if you're interested to learn how people are experiencing you, maybe you just need to go to them and ask them and accept accept their response and learn from it. So
Speaker 2:So I I took my son out on a date last night. We went to Sonic, And they've got this new Sour Patch Kids Slush at Sonic.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh. I'm in.
Speaker 2:And if you add ice cream, it's a Sour Patch Kids Slush float. It's like from the heavens. It's amazing. So me and my son went there, got a Sour Patch Kids float. It's amazing.
Speaker 2:But I asked him the question. I said, hey, son. What's something that what's a way that I can be a better dad? And he just said, you can talk harsh to me less often. And, you know, he's he's 7, but he's so sensitive, so tender.
Speaker 2:And I was like, okay. I got it. I think one question that we can ask as mentors is this, it is what am I doing well? No, no, no. What what do I need to keep on doing?
Speaker 2:The second thing is what do I need to stop doing? The third thing is what am I not doing that I should be doing? So those are those are 3 questions that you can ask your mentee that might help them identify ways that you can better serve them.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 2:Alright, man. Is there anything else?
Speaker 3:Man, well, I I I think you do a good job of it. And maybe you could just share, like, when your presence isn't what your mentee needs or you fail, how do you come back from that? Because it can kinda feel like like like failure can be a quick way that people check out of a mentor relationship of, like, I can't come back from that. I just need to I've lost their trust. And and so I I wonder if you have any final thoughts on how to repair any issue that you've had with how people have experienced you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Steven. I think that that's a great question. I do have a lot of experience in apologizing because I have a lot of experience in messing up.
Speaker 3:So I I've always told people all the time, and I'm sure I've I've told you this, that I have not met someone who's better at apologizing than you. And I've also not known someone who said thank you more than you. So those two things are are probably things I've learned most from you. So but it's a it's a it's a delicate thing to repair. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. So thanks a lot for saying those. I think, man, just like being being aware of how others are experiencing you, and really I think you can see on their face whether you hurt them or not, or whether you're encouraging or discouraging. Right? I think you can just read the room almost.
Speaker 2:And if someone walks out of a meeting with you or walks out of a interaction with you, and they're not smiling, and they're kinda like, man, I sure am happy that that's over. That's probably a a telltale sign that you probably need to apologize for something. And then just really allowing the Holy Spirit to kinda point out ways that you could become more like Jesus, or point point out ways that you offended or hurt, or maybe you weren't as gentle as you could have been. Right? The thing about apologizing is so so often, people don't wanna apologize because it wasn't their intention or they didn't mean to or things like that.
Speaker 2:But I think that any time that you could have done something better, there's an opportunity to apologize. Hey. I think I could have done that a tad bit better. I'm sorry, man. I I didn't mean to make you feel blank.
Speaker 2:And I just have never heard anyone get mad at someone for apologizing. I have never experienced your relationship getting worse because you apologized.
Speaker 3:Wow. That's that's a good thought.
Speaker 2:So you've got nothing to lose. I mean, what do you have to lose when you apologize? The only thing you have to lose is your pride. And so why not apologize? Hey, if there's a 1% check-in your heart that you made that person feel some way that's not godly, then just apologize for it.
Speaker 2:Because it's only going to add value. It's only going to make things better. And what's the worst that can happen? You apologize for something and they say, hey, I didn't feel that at all. Then you say, okay, great.
Speaker 2:See you. Right? So apologizing is one of those things that, one, what a great gift you can give to God. Confessing and apologizing and repenting because you can't do that in heaven. It's a gift that you can only give to God here on Earth.
Speaker 2:Because in heaven, there's no messing up. There's no sin. So what a great opportunity we have to give God this gift of humility and of just saying, hey, I am I am not perfect and I mess up and I care more about repairing our relationship than anything else. And I've got nothing to lose. So that's kind of my take on it.
Speaker 2:And you you you also have to understand that there are going to be times that you mess up and that you hurt someone, whether it's intentionally or unintentionally, and they don't forgive you. And it does break the relationship. And that stinks and I don't like that at all. But sometimes people won't accept your apology. And the tough thing there is, Stephen, there's nothing you can do about that.
Speaker 2:I mean, you can keep on apologizing, but ultimately, if you offend someone, your job is to apologize. Your job is to confess and repent. It's their job to accept it. And that's something that we don't have any control over, unfortunately. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So that's it.
Speaker 3:It's good, man. Well, presence and repair, like I'm even just thinking of the whole reason Jesus came was to reveal the father and that God's presence brings renewal and repair. And he, I just think that's what a great privilege it is as mentors to go low, to condescend, to apologize to children, and repair a relationship, and own the 1%. I I like, your example of, if I could have done that better, I should apologize. That's a lot better than saying, well, I'm only gonna apologize if I was wrong.
Speaker 3:That's so good, Zach.
Speaker 2:And I think we as mentors, our our mentees are gonna become who we are. And so who doesn't want a mentee who is humble? Who doesn't want a mentee who apologizes when they mess up? Who doesn't want a mentee who is consistently assessing themselves and finding ways to become more like Jesus? All of us want that.
Speaker 2:Well, if you want that for your mentee, the only way they're gonna get that is by watching you be that. So you become the person that you want your mentee to be. And that is why mentoring is mutually beneficial. That's why it's so amazing. It's because, yeah, you're helping this kid become more godly, fulfill their potential, dah, dah, dah.
Speaker 2:But you are also in the process becoming more like Jesus. And if you as a mentor are not learning something about yourself, if you as a mentor are not becoming more like Jesus because you're investing into this kid, then you've got some questions to ask yourself because that's not how it's supposed to be. Yeah. What's so great about mentoring is you're helping this child experience the love of God through your relationship, but you yourself are also becoming more like Jesus through your sacrificial time and energy and efforts. Yep.
Speaker 3:It's great. So good.
Speaker 2:You're so good. Man, I miss you. Gosh.
Speaker 3:Man.
Speaker 2:Have I told you about John, my other boyfriend?
Speaker 3:I am a little jealous of y'all's I mean, you did it. You you literally did a series with him, and I'm just like, no. I'm happy, John. I I am.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you. Oh, man. Alright. Well, that's all we got today.
Speaker 2:The presence of a mentor. Hey, have the presence of Jesus. In his presence is fullness of joy. Be non anxious. Be a safe space.
Speaker 2:Be a safe environment. Watch how you react. Watch how you respond. They're gonna remember your response. Your tell me what that saying was.
Speaker 3:Your response will be their testimony.
Speaker 2:Yes. Your response will be their testimony. How amazing is that? Alright. That's all we got for today.
Speaker 2:I hope we'll be back next week, maybe 2 weeks. I don't know. It just depends.
Speaker 3:It's all up to the cat. I mean, honestly.
Speaker 2:Wee Cat. That's a cat's name, Wee Cat. What? I got 3 cats now, Bill Frieda and Wee Cat. We're becoming a cat family.
Speaker 2:I know. It's disgusting.
Speaker 3:But Praying for you.
Speaker 2:Thank you. We love you. Share this with a friend. Follow us on Instagram. Send us an email.
Speaker 2:Mentoring conference. Ask us questions. Encourage us because we're insecure. We love you. You can mentor.