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Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
And welcome to the 457th consecutive week of Cinema PsyOps.
I'm your host, Cort, the guy that is really, really ready to finish off year 10, so that we can just do this by the season and not have to stress about making sure we have an episode every single week.
And joining me in that long ass discussion is my co-host, Matt.
Very long, very complicated.
You listeners wouldn't understand.
No, it's quite simple.
10 years is enough of making sure that we can do consecutive weeks.
Okay, Matt, you know, you could have just come on, you know, just come on.
You back us up one time, come on.
We gotta make this shit seem harder than it actually is.
I'm not a good hype man.
I just tell it like it is.
Yeah, you're really, yeah.
Listen, Matt, you're not long for the rap world court, all right?
No, I suppose I'm not.
I'm not big on hype.
But the plain fact of the matter is it is exhausting to make sure that we do this every single week for everyone.
And it does, yeah.
It's getting harder and harder for you to do it as well.
I know for sure.
Like it's getting more difficult to be able to pull this off.
So capital, unchecked capitalism sure has whooped the living shit out of me.
That is a fact.
Yeah, so I'm not sure exactly when I say what scheduling, when we do scheduled shows, like where we're just gonna do like a season of shows or something like that.
I'm not exactly sure what that's gonna look like.
But after the end of year 10, we're gonna definitely take a little bit of a break and kind of figure it out.
And not too long, because if we take too long of a break, we won't come back, I know.
And I did get you my set of 10 movies, so.
Yeah, finally, we got the 10 movies in, and a lot of them are ones that my wife may even want in on, because she likes some of them, too.
A lot of them, I like to think I did a pretty good job on a lot of my movies.
We're just gonna edge people on that, too, as well.
Everything about year 10 is the year of the edging.
It really is.
And you know what?
There's nothing wrong with that.
Year nine is about edging everyone for year 10.
Oh, for fuck sakes, let's just get into this.
Al Adamson's next film is The Dynamite Brothers from 1974.
As it is in this show, it will be just like in Matt's show.
All of songs released from 1974 for the pirate radio edit, as well.
This is another sort of swing at doing a blaxploitation flick, but it's also sandwiched together with a Bruce Lee clone exploitation style flick in 1974, and it's really odd.
Yeah, but that's how they did it.
That's exactly what they did it.
That was Your Dynamite Brothers.
Oh, man, I can't wait to really start ripping into this film.
And this will also possibly be a short review because I only have 13 clips.
Matt had more clips than me this time around.
Barely.
Just barely.
But yours are also longer than mine, as well.
Yes.
Well, mine was a lot more dialogue in my movie.
Yeah, there's a lot more standing around and filling time in my film, I think.
Yeah.
All right, let's just get to it here.
We're gonna play the Legion Patreon ad like we always do and on the pirate radio edit.
This week for me is Queen with the song Killer Queen from 1974, right after this.
This'll keep you quiet.
Oh, hi there.
I didn't see you.
You called me cutting a new show.
I'm Bo Ransdell, and I'm one of the many creators you can find on Legion Podcasts.
My fellow podcasters and I work hard to bring you the best in horror podcasting, but that comes at a cost.
Not that, but also, yes.
No, what I'm getting at is that there are server costs, costs for good microphones and software for editing, all the things that make our shows, you know, fun to listen to.
And you can help.
If you're enjoying the shows on legionpodcasts.com or in the Legion Network available on iTunes and Stitcher, just about anywhere you can download a podcast, really, you can help us out and get a little something for your trouble at patreon.com/Legionpodcasts
For just two bucks a month, you get a pair of movie commentaries exclusive to Patreon, and for $5, you can also join us for a monthly screening of a movie.
All of that available on patreon.com/Legionpodcasts
We appreciate it, and thank you for listening.
Now, back to the cutting room.
Ah, any excuse I can get to have Queen on the show.
I've been waiting for us to hit a year in Al Adamson's films, so I could just have a Queen song on the show.
And there is nothing wrong about that.
The only thing wrong with it is I had to interrupt it to talk about the Dynamite Brothers.
That also is just poor.
All right, Dynamite Brothers, I split this up into threes as well.
So the first 30 minutes, the film opens with the release company logos and goes into the main credits for the film title.
After about three minutes of credits, it cuts to martial arts fighting in the desert between a balding pornstache dude and a black man.
A Bruce Lee knockoff villain is practicing his katasolo when James Hong, as a shockingly young man, shows up.
And that Bruce Lee villain lookalike dismantles all the other opponents.
There is dialogue about this in our very first clip.
Good, a good workout.
Just what they need, getting restless.
You know I could use some of that action.
Soon, Razor, soon.
You mean there's a shipment to be picked up?
We're near the completion of our plans, Razor.
Kung Fat should have 30 kilos of uncut heroine within 48 hours.
Enough to flood the ghetto.
You know this is going to mean the showdown with Smiling Man and his mob.
No showdowns, Razor.
Not yet, anyway.
Showdowns bring too much heat.
But we own the heat.
That pig Burke could keep us chipped.
St.
Burke could take care of some unfinished business in San Francisco.
You mean your friend who's coming in from Hong Kong?
That's right.
Persuaded or deported, he must be made to return to Hong Kong.
Why not just snuff him out?
I could have handled it.
No.
You have other talents.
It's time we put them to use.
I just need to apologize to you, Matt.
You heard a racial slur in there that I need to cut out, and I will make sure that it is removed before the final edit is released.
That'd be all right.
Yeah.
That'd be all right.
So at the end of the clip, it cuts from this to a ship arriving with an, even with an actual Bruce Lee clone looking gentleman, hair and all, like they're really trying to make him be convincingly Bruce Lee, is on board.
I mean, although, you know, I won't blame the movie too much.
Every goddamn media back then wanted a Bruce Lee in their show movie or whatever.
If they could get the actual Bruce Lee, this is what they did.
Well, and also they would basically hire a martial artist that looked as proximately as close as they could get after his death.
Yeah, he was bigly racist.
And they would name, like, no, the people, like in China, they did this for martial arts films and stuff too.
Oh, yeah, that too.
Where they had like Bruce Lai and Bruce Lay and Bruce Lee.
There was a ton of Bruce Lee clones, and this guy is no different than them.
That's all I'm getting at.
I mean, yes, racism does have something to do with it in this case, but also they also-
Especially for the American audiences.
But also they really did try to push people as the next Bruce Lee in some way, shape, or form, especially after his death.
That was a thing that happened.
That was definitely a thing, yeah.
All right, so this new Bruce Lee clone, which is what I refer to him as, the whole way through my notes, folks, is being watched via binoculars by some guy as he then sneaks off the docked ship and runs down the pier.
A crew of heavies is dispatched to get him in his incredible Hulk purple pants.
I'm not kidding.
They are bell bottoms that are incredible Hulk purple.
They are very much the incredible Hulk.
But somehow, even though he's wearing those bright purple pants, he eludes them in the patented nothing happens chase scene that Adamson just loves to use to pad out the runtime.
He really does seem to just want to always have a chase scene where nothing happens.
They find him, they threaten him, and then the chase scene begins out some more with some more padding with them running out the runtime even further with some seriously lame music backing it once they decide to actually finally fucking stop and fight.
It's a prototypical martial arts type, well, bad martial arts type fight for this era where everything is super fucking slow and the choreography is very much there and not believable at all because the actor maybe isn't trained as much as they should be.
Especially in the kicks and things, you could kind of tell that they were not really delivering kicks, even stunt kicks.
It all looked really fake.
It really did.
It just was kind of sad to see all that.
He dispatched the heavies and then runs off in his purple ass bell bottoms.
The film cuts from this to him strolling on the streets in a travelogue shot of what I believe is San Francisco complete with those trolleys going up those ridiculous fucking hills.
Yes, yeah, I believe that was, yeah.
And I think part of my movie was in San Francisco as well.
So, because they had homes that appeared to be very much like those San Francisco type homes.
He continues to wander the streets in what I believe is the downtown Chinatown of San Francisco and then finds a flop house where he knocks at the door.
There's finally some fucking dialogue and our second clip.
I'm your cousin Larry.
Larry Chen is in Hong Kong.
Just come from there.
I'm looking for my brother.
He's not here.
Where can I find him?
I don't know.
Go away.
Hey, we're cousins.
You should have stayed in Hong Kong.
Help me find my brother.
This is the address he sent me over a year ago.
I've heard nothing since.
Los Angeles?
Yes.
Now go.
Hey, but how do I get there?
I've helped you enough.
Thank you, cousin.
Hello?
I had to let him in, but I didn't tell him anything.
You got to believe me.
I didn't say anything.
The dude gets off the phone, out of his apartment, into his car, and is taken out with an explosion, all in one fell swoop at the end of the clip there.
Yeah, it didn't seem like they really believed him.
This is by far the most money Adamson has ever spent on an effect right there.
That explosion was fucking glorious.
It really was.
They got some work out of that, that's for sure.
It cuts from this to a car ride and our third clip.
You know, I don't mind helping you LA narc guys, but how come you're so uptight?
Because you're wasting my time with punks.
And don't get so up me, Burke.
We picked them up on an LA warrant.
You hear that?
You've been wasting Lieutenant Burke's time.
Now ain't you sorry?
Just drive, Sergeant.
I have to find this.
Now what makes him so important?
I told you, he might be a lead to a dope smuggling ring.
Boy, you keep quiet.
I may not wait till I get back to the station before I whip your black ass.
You're out.
This isn't my day.
Wrong, but this one's in the country illegally.
Might as well turn him over to immigration.
All right, I removed the hard R slurs and I removed the hard racist slurs against a Chinese person.
So I'm good with the moderately racist talk that those guys had, because at least it's not so overt.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, no, I get you.
Yeah.
All right, so the pair are handcuffed together, racially slurred at and get the drop on the pigs and take off together as the pigs try to catch up and fail because the black man took their keys.
The handcuffed pair jump out of the running truck and run off into the woods together, padding out the runtime of the film even more with this handcuffed together becoming a fighting team on the run bit they're pulling off.
Of course.
They make it to a river and cross, and in doing so, they have to be extremely careful because they are both locked together.
They then sit down and have a drink from the fresh spring water.
They start to develop a plan, and that is our fourth clip.
I'm Larry Chin.
Where are we headed?
Los Angeles.
Why there?
My brother lives there.
Yeah, I know the area.
Right on.
Right on.
Yeah, jump and ship, right on.
And they do just that.
They go moving on.
They keep moving the runtime of the film along with them, walking through the back country, until they find another truck to hop on at a gas station, and they do just that by running up and hopping on the back of it.
They are obviously noticed by the people in the truck.
The truckers decide to have the pair of them beat up by a crew of friends, so they stop to do just that.
This seems racially motivated more than anything with these gentlemen when they are ready to attack.
And as a matter of fact, there's a little bit of dialogue about it, so I backed it up, and that is our fifth clip.
Let's stop and pick up Harry and the boys.
Let them have a little fun.
Well, look at that, they're still alive.
Jailbirds.
Honest to goodness, jailbirds.
Well, the price is pretty good.
Not much for so.
This starts a mediocre fight in the back of the truck with some cool stunts of dudes flying off of the truck.
Our chained together heroes jump off of the truck and the scene cuts to a woman swimming nude in a pool.
Thank you, movie.
As a man arrives home calling out her name, and that is our sixth clip.
Why don't you answer me when I call you?
You know, you were supposed to take me to town and stuff, didn't you?
They're holding a new dress for me.
Well, I've been out trying to make the bread to pay for it.
That's right, then.
You know, paying for this place we got here isn't easy, honey.
If I could live in a furnished room, it wouldn't make any difference to me.
You spoil me, but I love it.
You're damn well better.
Make me a drink, will you?
I gotta make a call.
Why don't I have trouble?
Yeah, Burke here.
Yeah, I'll wait.
Yeah, it's me.
What are you talking about?
It was your guys who muffed it.
They couldn't fight their way out of Sunday school.
Huh?
No, no, he got away.
He took off with this black guy.
We think they're headed for LA.
Yeah, all right.
I'm checking out Watts.
Yeah, all right.
You gotta go out again.
Yeah, but not for a while.
Right now, all I want is a little...
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
It cuts back to our titular characters on the run and cuffed together still as they sneak onto a farm and into a barn to find some tools to remove the handcuffs.
Mr.
Brown, I refuse to call him fucking stud, notices a naked girl in the window and watches her just like I would, I am sure.
And then the pair are back off into the night when there is nothing to cut the cuffs.
It cuts to them the next day, and the cuffs are gone, so I guess they found something while the guy was staring at the naked lady, but it didn't seem like it at the time.
Whatever, don't look too close into this, I guess.
Yeah, just, come on, then.
You can guys get out of this.
They are attempting hitchhiking, and they finally find a ride with a nice Asian lady who offers one to them in our next clip.
Okay, hop in.
You guys looked at if you've been traveling first class without a wash basin.
Well, you know how it is, the good life.
Yeah, you guys come a long way?
Well, depends on how you look at it.
Do you live in LA?
When I'm not in school.
School?
I'm doing graduate work at Berkeley.
That's great.
I'm doing my graduate work at Watts.
Say, what's with your friend?
He doesn't say much.
Oh, he's cool.
Hey, say something.
It's gonna be a long trip.
Forgive me, I was thinking.
Say, I didn't mean to hassle you or anything.
Oh, no, I was remembering.
Do you know Ray Chin?
He also lives in Los Angeles.
No.
He's my brother.
I'm looking for him.
Hey, we're closed.
You're open.
That's right, old buddy.
Come to pay you a little visit.
I suspect I could do without it.
I suspect you could.
I should have sent you to the bottom of the river long time ago.
But you didn't, old buddy.
So now we're gonna let the fishes feed on you.
You've been messing us around too much.
You've been acting too big, so I have to perform a little surgery.
Will you help me find my brother?
If I can, I'll ask around.
You can find me at Fawn's restaurant.
Ask for me, Betty Fawn.
I can't thank you enough.
Hey, forget it.
I'll see you soon and stay out of trouble, huh?
Thanks for the ride.
And that is the end of the first 30 minutes.
That takes us over the first 30 minute mark, actually.
Well, there you go.
And I mean, at least got a straightforward story, but you can't get too mad about that.
No, the plethora of racial slurs being thrown around, and I missed one out of like seven thus far.
Yeah, you should be pretty proud of yourself for that.
Yeah, and the only one that I missed is a racial slur against our people.
So, you know, I'm not even really sure that that bothers me that much.
Yeah, I don't think that counts.
Nah, I should still remove it just because.
Probably.
Yeah, you know, just because I've made sure to try and remove all of that.
So, you know.
That's true.
I don't need to be fair and balanced about it, I suppose.
Fair and balanced.
Yeah, I can't just leave in racial slurs that I'm okay with.
You know what I mean?
That would set a dangerous precedent, you're right.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
There's really nothing to the story that isn't already up on screen.
We already did the discussion about how this Bruce Lee clone and this blaxploitation wannabe hero in this is just basically like they just got chained together by the cops because the cops were out for both of them.
And they put it all together later like in true blaxploitation style.
But this is pretty much like a Rudy Ray Moore quality film, but without the tongue in cheek fun that Rudy Ray Moore throws into everything.
Sounds like it, yeah.
Like if Rudy Ray Moore was not mugging for the camera and winking at us every five seconds, making sure that we were having a good time with him, it's this.
It's the same quality of film.
It's just not as much fun.
You know, that's what we have.
Yep, no, I get it.
Yeah, you're right.
There's no wink, wink, nudge, nudge, hey guys, it's kind of funny, right?
That type of thing going on here.
Yeah, it's just trying to play straight and be pretty serious about everything.
And I mean, Jack Hill and a lot of other directors have done this significantly better.
And the lack of money has nothing to do with it because they also lacked a lot of money when they did theirs.
Yeah, it's just better quality filmmaking.
Yeah, I hate to say it, but so far this first 30 minutes is, it sets up the story just fine, but the Kung Fu is really subpar, and you gotta really bring it.
Yeah, the fights are subpar.
The racism is forced.
Yeah, it's grotesque.
Yeah, well, let's just fucking move on, then.
What do you say?
All right, let's do it.
All right, so the next 30 minutes starts with that dude in the bar being tortured.
The titular characters hear a scream from a woman inside and perform mediocre martial arts to clear out the undesirables from the bar.
A blue car arrives outside.
It's definitely the bad guy that is after them.
And that leads to our eighth clip.
Sparlin man, you ought to quit throwin those rough parties.
Well, well, look who crawled in.
Mr.
John Law himself.
Mind if I look around?
You gotta search one?
Yeah, right here.
Look around.
What's with these two?
A little business discussion that got out of hand.
Pretty nasty cut you got there.
Wanna press charges?
No, just get them the hell out of here.
You did these two goons in by yourself?
Yeah, me and Ruby over there.
What's back there?
Come off of it, Burke.
There's nothing back there you want.
Stud Brown.
Yeah?
Seen him?
How long has it been, Ruby?
Maybe a couple years ago.
Tall, good-looking guy, sort of dark complexion.
You're lying.
Ruby?
Not Ruby.
Look, you're giving me any more stutter than I love you.
And you'll do nothing.
You want the commission's office to get a list of the payoffs you've been getting?
You're threatening me.
You bet your white ass I am.
Get the hell out of here, damn it.
How the hell are you?
Hey, that's your old Westman.
Nothing to it, man.
Hey, who's your friend?
Yeah.
Didn't do all that fancy...
Well, dig it, baby.
Larry Chen, tell Oda Smiling Man.
Hey, you black son of a bitch, you're going to blow the whole scene if you don't go in.
Listen, hunky, I got Otis to lean on Smiling Man.
He's been poutin on our street people.
Otis?
You tell him, that stuff went out with Al Capone.
Yeah, I got a lot of heat coming from downtown.
You get paid good money to take the heat, Burke, so don't rock the boat.
Just tell him.
That's why we fight them, Larry.
I'm no saint.
Numbers, horses, bootleg whiskey, but I draw the line when it comes to dope.
I've seen too many 12-year-old junkies steal their whole family's food money just for a fix.
All right.
Let's drink to it.
Hey, girls, come on over here.
Ruby.
Sarah, meet Larry Chin.
Hi, new man.
He's on the payroll.
Yeah.
How you doing?
You sure look fine from down here, Mom.
I bet if you sit down, you'd look even better.
I've never seen you in here before.
Working for Smiling Man?
You like it?
Say what's with you, baby?
Can't talk, you got no tongue?
Hey man, what is it with this chick?
It depends upon how you look at it, man.
Smiles, come on, you jiving me?
No, man, you know what a muv is.
Yeah, no shit.
That's where it's at.
You did all this?
I don't get it.
It's beautiful.
You know, I had one of these once.
You happen to be looking at the best garden that the warden at Folsom ever had.
You know that?
Yeah, set up for three years on a bum rap.
That's okay.
I made that all right.
All right.
I guess we're.
Mm, it's real good.
That's what they call you, Sarah.
Sarah.
How about this?
Sarah and Stud, Stud and Sarah.
Sarah and Stud, Stud and Sarah.
Stud, Stud and Sarah.
Sarah and Stud, Stud and Sarah, Stud.
Stud and Sarah, yeah.
Sarah, Stud, yeah.
Stud and Sarah, yeah.
I don't know if that's good or bad.
That chance.
Just FYI, Matt, when you sing, you sound like that guy doing the Stud and Sarah, yeah, tune that's in the clip that everybody just suffered through.
Well, that's mean, but fine, whatever.
Agree to disagree.
The film cuts from that awful mess of acting to our Bruce Lee clone guy walking around Chinatown again and finding a travelogue develop as he does it.
He finds the restaurant with Betty there, and it is finally some more dialogue and our ninth clip.
Hi, Betty.
So pleased to see you again.
I thought you were strictly American.
Oh, this.
Well, this is strictly business.
Listen, I've got some great news for you.
My father found out that your brother worked for a man who owns a nightclub here.
His name is Kung Phat.
Can we talk to him now?
Razor just left with the package.
Always prepare as you direct it.
You may rely on me.
Yes, I know the penalty for failure.
They are here now.
Goodbye.
Come in.
Mr.
Chin, welcome.
Please be seated.
Can I offer you anything?
Refreshments, tea perhaps?
No, thank you.
Well, I suppose you are anxious about your brother.
But the man I know as Ray Chin may not be your brother.
Chin is a common name.
This picture was taken five years ago.
I'm afraid I have bad news for you, Mr.
Chin.
Your brother's dead.
Yes, it was a tragedy.
He had a bright future, your brother.
He came to work for me as a cashier.
A cashier.
He was very good.
And soon he was my assistant.
He was conscientious and diligent.
Then one day, I had a call from the police.
He was killed during the robbery.
They never found out who did it.
I claimed the body and I buried him.
My brother is not buried here.
Thank you, Batty.
Kung Fa, you lied.
It is not my brother who is buried there.
Enough, I'll handle this myself.
They cut from this to the Batty and his henchmen dragging our Bruce Lee clone out of the trunk and into some rocky terrain.
While the main Batty carries a wicker basket that probably has a venomous snake of some sort in it, turns out it is a venomous serpent based on the rattlesnake sound that it's making as soon as they opened up the little case.
They toss the hero into a cave and then the snake, and then the hero has to use his lightning-fast reflexes to capture the snake before it bites him.
And that careful dodging and attempt at capture is in no way being used to pad out this film even further.
Not at all, how dare you.
He finally catches the snake and tosses it free from the cave and then climbs out himself.
Not sure tossing the snake all the way up out of the air and out of the cave was the best plan.
Because sometimes, gravity and wind be a bitch.
It's like, hey, listen, man, you are really judgmental on everyone's plans.
And I'm just saying, lives are trying.
They cut from this to an attack on the Smiling Man Club in progress for some reason or another that is not clear.
As a drive-by bombing, that's the first of those I've ever seen, takes place.
Jesus.
And people run out with guns to get shot dead.
Smiling Man declares that this is war and starts handing out guns and plans out how to send his dudes into battle.
The shooting commences in the action sequences of firing at random targets everywhere begins.
People are just blowing shots at guns like just in camera.
Basically, they're just shooting above a camera and like hoping that you fall for it all.
Yeah, thank God you're gonna get hit.
People start dying left and right.
And from what I can gather, our hero Mr.
Brown is one of the ones who gets most of them dead at the time.
Smiling Man himself deals some serious death as well, and the cops arrive super late to do anything but fuck up the investigation altogether.
That's what usually happens.
As the Smiling Man and Mr.
Brown take off, it cuts from this to the cop arriving at some kind of fucking castle in the desert and our 10th flip.
Got an appointment?
Engraved.
Don't get tough with me, boy.
Can you face it up your ass?
No way.
It's difficult to process such a dry client.
Most difficult business.
What are you guys trying to do?
After that business last night, you're not going to be in any business.
Yes, that was a most unfortunate mistake.
But I'll show them that I can't be stopped.
What about Chin?
Can you still deport him?
Could be, but there will be a lot of questions.
Questions?
No questions.
I'll handle Chin in another way.
What's so damn important about this kid anyway?
Important?
No, not at all.
He's looking for his brother, and I prefer that he doesn't discover what happened to him.
Would you do have him killed?
I would put it differently.
You see, the virtuous Chin brother got in my way, and I really removed him.
You know, the department has wind of a big new shipment of the stuff coming in.
Pressure's on heavy.
They're really making it tougher and tougher for me to cover for you guys.
Precisely why you are paid.
Yeah, but I was thinking, I take a lot of chances.
Without me, this whole operation might not come off.
Maybe I could be more of a partner.
That is quite a revelation to me.
I didn't realize that you were such a deep thinker.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must prepare something.
You'll find it of great interest.
Convett, you know the penalty for acting without instructions.
The ancient art of Chinese acupuncture.
It can end the pain in one's body or the life quickly and painlessly.
As you can see, no mess, no strain.
Take him away.
You must discuss your new thoughts sometime, Burke.
Perhaps over tea.
But for now, please accept your usual compensation.
Your cop is getting cold feet.
It's cold on top of the mountain.
You have the courage to stay there.
He decides to break.
We're all in trouble.
And Burke ain't worth wearing no cross for.
You know, sometimes I think I'm crazy.
I used to be a good cop, Laura.
I really was.
What am I now?
Nothing, that's what.
It could have been different.
No, no, I had to make it big.
Lots of money, the works.
What am I?
I'm just a dirty cop.
Why don't you quit?
That's the life of the century.
Try to quit and you're dead.
Besides, what could I do?
We'd find someplace.
We?
You'd get out of here so fast.
No way.
That's all you've got to say about it.
Maybe you're right.
I'm well certain.
I'd stick, honey.
You would?
How the hell would I?
I'm stuck, and what's worse is I like it.
I like the dirt and the clout that goes with it.
I'm not kidding.
You're the only decent thing in my life.
What do you mean?
Are you afraid of something?
As long as you're around, Laura, I don't give a damn about anything.
The end of that clip takes us over the full hour mark and the rest is the run to the end of the movie.
Well, I mean, what's there to say?
This movie's pretty racist.
Yeah, in multiple directions.
Yeah, it gets different races.
Yeah.
It's not equally racist because it's definitely directed at our two heroes because that's how blaxploitation works.
As every white person in a blaxploitation film is super racist and should get their ass kicked for it.
Yeah.
That's pretty much what happens.
That's pretty much what's going on here.
You may have a couple of people that are actually cool and are friends with your main character in a blaxploitation film like that, and then you don't have to worry about them being fucking racist and needing their ass kicked.
But for the most part, you have to have characters that are racist and deserve to get their asses kicked and or murdered.
Yeah.
Otherwise, it's not that terrible.
Yeah, they just take that a little too far in this.
Fuck it.
This episode can be short.
We can keep going.
I'm fine.
All right, the run to the end starts with a quick cut to our Bruce Lee clone arriving at a location and sneaking inside the office of the dude who just tried to murder him with a rattlesnake.
Our hero very poorly sneaks around the office and the desk and trying not to be heard, but you can very clearly hear him being loud and everything.
And it's very clearly a dead man that is just sitting in the chair at the office that he's trying to sneak up on, which is revealed seconds later, shocking.
No one that the man was so obviously dead in the chair is actually dead.
I'm shocked.
The genius hero still tests for his breath after finding the corpse in the chair, then is forced to jump out the window and has to do battle with a bunch of heavies in the alley that chase him down there when he lands.
The Bruce Lee knockoff fighting commences, complete with numchucks being brought out and everything.
It cuts from this to our Mr.
Brown character in bed with his mute love interest.
She lovingly looks over his snoring self and crawls out of bed with a green towel wrapped around her, blocking us from seeing anything.
Mr.
Brown stirs awake and sits up in bed to look at her, calls her over to the bed and tells her he is going to take care of her now and that she is his girl now.
That implies ownership, my dude, and that's not cool.
Not cool, man.
Not cool.
No person owns another person.
They get making out and the film cuts from that to the bar and our eleventh clip.
Stud, how are you and Sarah doing?
Make sure you keep it that way.
Hell had no fury when a woman is gone, especially when she's black.
You know, it makes no sense.
Why are they so anxious to get rid of Larry, even going so far as to set up a phony grave?
Look, Stud, let's look at the facts.
Fact number one, they're trying to get rid of Larry.
Fact two, they kill Kung-Fat.
And fact three, Burke is involved.
Somehow, I think this whole thing is connected.
The drugs is coming into the ghetto.
Diggy man.
Which means he's the only one that we can talk to.
Hello, baby.
Hold it, pig.
You'll never have another piece of that.
You punks, get the hell out of here.
All right, what do you want?
Information.
Get out of here.
Get out of my house.
We know whose house it is, mama, and we know how you pay the rent.
The one who sent you after me.
Who is he?
I don't know him.
No more answers like that.
All right.
All right.
Where?
The last house up Box Canyon Road.
OK, that's it.
We got to get the hell out of the country.
You'd better back in a hurry.
Berg, you had some strange visitors.
Let her go.
What the hell do you want?
Just tell me what you told them.
Nothing, you think I'm crazy?
It really doesn't matter.
The gun, on the couch, two fingers.
Well, I met Burt's.
Studd, Brown, and Chan just left.
Burt talk like a parrot.
Get rid of him.
Already taken care of.
I found out where the others are headed to.
Eliminate them.
Well, we got it.
That's how some bucks can erode.
What about Burt, man?
He's not gonna tell anyone he's squealed.
Can you go now?
No, man, I'm waiting for more muscle.
Razor Jay, he's been spotted near Sarah's place.
Get going.
Alrighty then.
It cuts to Razor Jay showing up at Sarah's house and tying her up as Mr.
Brown tries to make it there in time.
The interrogation starts where the poor woman tries to communicate with him to let him know that she can't fucking talk, even though he's trying to make her fucking talk.
And he's probably unaware that she is mute and begins to carve up her fucking face anyway.
Jesus.
As our ever late heroes make it there after she is already mutilated and the bad man escapes out the window.
Sarah is unconscious or fucking dead or whatever.
And that blood all over her face causes a flashback in the Bruce Lee clone character who has to get the fuck out of that room.
He cuts from that to him killing some dude standing around and then cuts to the Razor Jay guy on his motorcycle in the desert.
And somehow our Bruce Lee clone is there and on his way to the castle alone without backup.
Jesus Christ.
The bike is heading up the drive.
How?
I don't know.
The bike is heading up the driveway when Mr.
Brown shows up with a shotgun and Razor Jay begs for his life before Mr.
Brown empties the entire tube of shells into him from the shotgun.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, he pretty much shoves that shotgun up his ass and pulls the trigger till it goes click.
Yes.
He is knocked out and left there by the henchmen instead of being killed for some fucking reason.
Just, I'm just going to assume things are going to go fine.
To distract us from this, they cut from it to the Bruce Lee clone showing up with James Hong.
So, that is our pant ultimate clip.
Let him alone.
The visitor may come forward.
You have caused me a great deal of trouble.
Where is my brother?
You have found him.
Have I changed so much, my brother?
It isn't true.
In a long time since we spoke of the truth.
You're the one behind all this?
Why look so puzzled, my brother?
Why?
Look around you.
Riches, power, success.
That is the truth.
That is not the truth I want.
What you want will not bring her back.
Speak.
Yes, she was always so charming and beautiful.
I always loved her.
I hated you when father arranged her marriage to you instead of me.
I approached her that day, as I often did when she was alone, just to talk.
But that day, I was overcome with passion.
And when she rejected me, I lost all control.
Yes, my beautiful wife, Del, my life in ruin.
I searched both Chinas for you for a long time.
Then you vanished without a trace.
But I was patient.
Word came that you were here in this strange country.
For her death, I am truly sorry.
But that is all in the past.
That world is dead.
My world ended when Chu Lin died.
Do not be stubborn, my brother.
This country is a paradise for all those who have courage.
Nothing is forbidden here.
I've never been so happy.
I want you to join me.
You will never kill again.
Take care.
All right.
With that, the revenge plot is finally explained, and the martial arts showdown begins as our intrepid clone starts his smackdown of every character here, and tons of extras in a fight stravaganza.
That is not all that terrific, but passable, I suppose.
I mean, yeah, it's all right.
Yeah.
It could be a lot worse.
But again, yeah, saying it's the best fight scene in this movie isn't saying much.
Right.
It's like saying that the Dolph London Punisher is the greatest Punisher movie to star Dolph London.
I mean, that, and that's a fact.
It's true.
But if you forget, there's a Punisher movie starring Dolph London.
Right.
It's true.
Yes, but that still doesn't make it accurate.
It's true, but at what cost is it true?
Backup finally arrives and Mr.
Brown has helped to his feet as Smiling Man and his crew join in on the fun of Mass Martial Arts battles over drug money, I guess.
What?
James Hong hops in a car in an attempt to flee.
The brother hops on Razor Man's bike and gives pursuit after him.
We cut back to the fight as people start falling and jumping off of things like the top tower of the house, and they are fighting for the sake of entertaining martial arts moves, I guess.
I don't know why this is still going on.
I think that's about it, yeah.
The film cuts back to the car chase as Hong checks for the bike and the bike pursues him.
There's a lot of that back and forth.
Then they cut to more fight scenes between Mr.
Brown and the balding white dude.
Smiling Man gets double-strangled by some martial arts guy and then is rescued by Mr.
Brown after he takes care of the balding white dude.
All the bad guys we were supposed to root against seem dead and or extremely unconscious.
And most of the ones we were supposed to be rooting for seem alive and happy day there.
So I guess.
They cut back to the chase scene as the bike bears down on the car and just menaces him for no reason for a little while.
This continues until the little brother hops into the car from the bike with the big brother still driving and then starts forcing the car to careen the thing in an attempt to crash it.
He sends it over the cliff and somehow hops free just in time to kill his older brother in a giant fucking car rolling down the hill sequence.
It cuts from this to the Smiley Man's Bar and our final clip.
Larry, are you all right, man?
Yeah.
How about you?
Fine.
Hey, Stu, take this money, man.
Here, you guys get moving and keep going.
They start running like mad, man, out the damn bar door.
It frees frames and rolls credits.
Damn, what a weird film.
It really was.
It's just one of those words where you're like, what did I just watch and I don't quite understand?
And it makes me a little mad.
Every single Al Adamson film feels like two different films spliced together in some way.
Yeah.
Almost every single one of them has that weird feeling where you're like, I think this is two different movies.
I agree, yes.
I don't know if it's a-
Yeah, it just, you do, you get the little like, what in the hell is going on around here?
Yeah, this is a Bruce Lee knockoff revenge film plot A, and then plot B is a man gets out of prison, tries to rejoin his old crew, and finds out that they are being menaced by the revenge plot in plot A, and that's plot B.
They are forced together by a racist cop who is going to kill them both, I think, or just like kill the one and then deport the other because it's on commands of the main guy that James Hong is playing.
And holy fuck, how young is James Hong in this?
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, yeah, he's like, you're finally seeing him young.
I've never seen him young before.
I've never seen him with that much hair that is that dark and with his skin looking like a young man's skin.
You know what I mean?
Like, this is like, he can't be much older than his 40s in this.
I mean, as good as he fucking looks.
Like, I can't believe how young he is.
Like, I thought that man was born old.
Yeah, same.
I thought it was like he was just born a senior citizen and just lived many years looking like that.
It's like a minor Benjamin Button thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Only he was born old and he just scaled.
Jesus Christ, man.
He was actually really good as a menacing villain.
He's probably the best thing in this movie, I think, is every screen time.
Even here, he has charisma and he kind of captivates and holds the screen and he's a terrific villain.
But this is almost as bad as like the Joe Don Baker made for TV movie, Mitchell.
Oh yeah, oh God, Mitchell.
Yes, oh, you're so right.
It is on par with Mitchell, and that is not a good thing.
Yeah, it's that kind of thing.
Like you've seen better driving and martial arts action in a fucking Rockford Files episode than this.
Yeah, right, yeah, exactly.
You really truly have, believe me.
I've seen better action sequences in the show, Mashed.
During surgery.
During surgery.
With the exception?
I'm talking the Alan Alda-directed Mashed series when it was all about emotions and shit.
Now, we do have to give them, there is a tremendous explosion.
The martial arts sequence that's at the end of the film when the people are flip-flopping off of that castle, like tower, and you're being knocked off of it and stuff.
There were some actual stunts being performed that were actually quite captivating and entertaining.
And he just kind of bookends it with just enough action to keep you interested in it for the 90 minutes that you're here and you don't want your money back.
Yeah, it makes you go, all right, I guess I won't try to get all my money back.
But I gotta say, everything after Dracula vs.
Frankenstein so far, I mean, this is definitely like move forward because even though they may not get better, they at least are like more money and a better production.
And some of them are a lot more entertaining too.
Yeah, yeah, some have actual coherent stories, not this one, but some do.
Well, when we discuss yours next week, it's definitely a move forward for that.
Because once you get to the softcore porn movies that are coming up, I mean, Al Adamson, because there's only one story and it all works.
Speaking of that, I'm going to have to come up with something for a story time.
Holy Jesus.
Yeah.
Well, while we try and help me figure that out, we're going to play the band Sparks on the Pirate Radio with the song This Town Ain't Big Enough for both of us.
That's usually how it goes.
Yeah, that's the same.
And that'll be on the Pirate Radio edit.
And Sparks were way ahead of their fucking time.
That's 1974, they were doing some weird shit like that.
Jesus, yeah, that is ahead of its time.
Feels like something could be done today.
Absolutely, and Jesus, I still don't think I have anything for my storytime.
Story time.
Okay, I kind of have something, but it's one of those like humble brag things, I think.
I do a humble brag, fuck it.
We don't get enough of those.
All right, so I was thinking about, and like while I was listening to Sparks, I was actually thinking about like the actress, one of the other high points of the film that I need to preface my story time is based on this, right?
The mute woman that falls in love with Mr.
Brown, right?
She is really excellent at conveying her emotions with her eyes and like her facial expressions and things like that.
And there's some moments when she was interested in him where she would give him that look.
You know what I'm talking about?
Like that look.
Like that look.
The look that you get from that person.
And that's what my story time's about.
That's why I wanted to preface this, okay?
Yeah.
All right, so this is one of the very first or earliest times in my life that I could tell for sure that I was getting the look.
So, and this is really, really odd because it happened at my mom's church.
That's not odd.
People meet at church, it happens.
Yeah, okay.
So I'm like early teens.
I think I'm like maybe 13 or like 14 at the most.
You know what I mean?
Like really not that old.
And I'm forced to go to my mom's church like pretty much every Sunday.
I have no choice in this matter.
This is written in fucking fire and brimstone.
It has to happen.
I have no choice as a kid.
So I'm there because I'm always fucking there on a Sunday.
I have to be there.
And someone that goes to my mom's church had their cousin visiting from somewhere, I don't know where out of town, like for the summer, right?
And they're in, they're around my age.
So they're in the same Sunday school class that I'm in.
And I'm sitting there in Sunday school, just being the goofy me that I always have been as a kid, even though I'm a gross motherfucker, I'm also super goofy.
And I'm also a bit of a rebel because I'm already an atheist at this point, and I don't really want to be here, and I'm forced to be here because my parents know I'm an atheist and they think it's going to help to force me to go to church.
Anyway, this cousin that was staying with one of the members of the church is this actually rather attractive girl that I notice, and I'm into girls at this time, pretty hardcore as a kid, like pretty much up and running right at the age of 12.
Hormones went in and I just went nuts.
You were like, holy shit, what the hell just happened?
Exactly, so I'm looking at this girl who's about a year older than me, but we're still in the same class, and I just kind of notice her, and she gets introduced as to who she is and everything.
And I'm just being goofy and everything, and I look over at her again, and she's looking at me, and that's when I noticed that look.
Oh yeah.
You know what I mean?
Where you're like, oh wait, what, what?
And it's always super subtle, right?
Because when they notice that they're giving you that look, then that look goes away.
But if it lasts long enough that you notice that that look is happening, you're like, you're kind of like, wait, what was that?
No.
What's going on here?
Right, like that couldn't have been, right?
So anyway, that happens a couple of times throughout the course of the Sunday school class.
And then the church service, at this point, I think I was the kind of asshole kid that like just stayed outside of the chapel and just sat on the chairs on the outside and read a fucking book, like in protest.
I mean, I get that.
I see that for you.
Yeah, I started doing that, and I'm pretty sure when I was fucking 14, to be perfectly honest.
That's right around the age when people start that shit.
I might have started at 13.
I honestly don't know.
So anyway, I've been doing that for a while, and then church is over, and this girl, the cousin that's visiting, and then her actual cousin who goes to my mom's church that it was a friend of my sister's, these two girls come over to talk to me.
And I'm friendly with this friend of my sister's that goes to my mom's church.
So I'm trying to just be in my jovial, normal self joking, and I notice the look more and more from the cousin that's with her.
And I'm starting to really be fascinated and interested as well.
And they don't say anything, the cousin.
She doesn't really talk or anything like that, and she's apparently tongue-tied or whatever.
And then they're laughing at my stupid jokes and everything, and then we all have to leave.
Following next Sunday, that cousin ends up giving me a letter pretty much telling me that their stomach does butterflies when they see me or something along those lines, and I was definitely dead on when I got that look.
And I'm like, let's make this happen.
Come on, in church.
Well, not necessarily in church, but I get the letter from church, but I'm getting the look in church, and I'm just feeling really good about knowing that someone was sitting in their heart in my presence while in church.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, hey, listen, good times.
And it made me having to sit through the church service reading Bram Stoker's Dracula, which is somehow so dry, I almost paid attention to the church service.
Holy shit.
Yeah, yeah.
You're trying to read Bram Stoker's Dracula is some next level stuff.
Yeah, everybody's got to force themselves through it at least once if they're a horror fanatic, I think.
Yeah, I think so.
Even I did, but yeah, it's tough to chew through.
It's a lot of diary reading that's kind of, you know, a little rough and tumble, but it made it worthwhile, and that was a fun summer adventure relationship that ended up happening from noticing that look for the first time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ah, young love.
Yeah, I got-
Ah, to be love and to feel love's king sting.
I got nothing else.
We gotta pad out the episode somehow because we haven't even hit a full hour yet on the recorder.
Jesus.
Yeah, I know.
We move quick through the episodes.
We really did.
Really.
These movies do not make for long episodes because there's nothing really to talk about.
I know.
We're literally just padding out even the storytime segment.
Yeah, we're paying out storytime because there's just no nuance in these movies to do anything with.
Do you remember the first time that you've ever gotten that look that you've noticed it?
I still don't think it's ever happened.
What's your saying about putting a quarter in your own ass?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know about the first time, but I know about the best time.
And that's my now wife.
Look at you.
Diving on that opportunity.
Yeah, she, no, she shot me that look, and I really noticed it at a bar in Nebraska, for crying out loud.
And I was like, holy shit.
This hot chick thinks, I think she's into me.
And she was, and it was a pretty good fucking time, too.
It's been pretty good.
The thing that amazes-
A few decades in now, everything's going all right.
The thing that amazes me is that you still get that look from your wife.
I do.
She still loves me.
Dummy.
We have no idea why, folks, but she does for some fucking reason.
Fucker.
That's fucking funny.
I don't really recall if I ever got that look from my wife.
I'm sure you have.
Well, I mean, since we had started dating, absolutely, but that indication, that kind of thing, it was like, ready to go, but.
Yeah, yeah, I never really, not really at first, I don't think.
I think she might have been too shy to put that on display at that point.
But I still kind of had a feeling because we were friends first, so that's why I think I never really have.
That's true, yeah, you guys were friends.
So just to kind of bring it back and defend myself and not just tell stories about my younger youth, I'll tell that quick little aspect of it.
But yeah, we were friends first, so I started having those feelings, and I'm pretty sure I had those puppy dog looks all over the place, to the point where I'm pretty sure that someone had to tell my then wife, like, no, he's not just your friend, I think he's into you, and you guys would probably make a great couple.
She had to have somebody intervene and tell her that, because I don't think she figured it out either.
You know, because when you're friends, you already care for each other, and you're already kind of close knit and everything.
And we were, we were friends first, and then I kind of fell for her first, and then she eventually got addicted to how dorky I was, I guess, and fell in love with me.
I have still no idea why that woman loves me, but she does.
Well, I think we both can say that.
We have no idea why our women love us, but they do, so.
I try to make sure that I can do whatever I can to keep them from regretting that decision.
Yeah, I just, it's a constant game of fooling.
And that's a great place where we need to end the show, not just because we ran over the hour mark finally.
And with that, we're gonna play the show Housekeeping and immediately following that on the Pirate Radio Edit.
We've already gonna kind of have to declare it here.
I'm not sure what our stance is on replaying music, but I'm doing it again for my episode.
I think our stance is just fine.
Yeah, so up next on the Pirate Radio Edit, it's going to be the band Mud with the song Tiger Feet once again.
And that's immediately following our show Housekeeping.
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I still can't believe that you're subscribed to us or here every week just like us.
See All right, so I was choosing Tiger Feet because I was thinking martial arts and Tiger Claws attack and Tiger Feet, maybe, you know.
It's the best I got, I'm sorry.
Yeah, you're doing great.
Well, while you're out there wondering or not if I am actually doing great anymore at this show, kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy the average white band, even though they have at least one black member, whatever, with the song Pick Up the Pieces on the pirate radio.
Let me try and remember to do this at the right time now.
Recording in progress.
Now we have a backup this episode, and unlike the one we did with the Earth, whatever.
Let me change the color for my mark.
I keep my notes in like a Google Doc, and just basically fit it to the screen, and then just use one of my computer screens, like just all blown up huge, so it's easy to read.
And I have like a little special marker thing that I make, like ASCII character style marker, like that's just like an X with wings on it and stuff.
I just like copy and paste it, so I know where I am in my notes, just little sides, you know, chatter there.
Is this loud enough?
Yeah.
Let's...
Okay.
Let's rock and or roll.
Here we go.
Theme song for just a minute.
Clip number one has a racial slur that needs removed court.
Good fucking job in missing that when there's like 75 billion other ones that you need to remove.
Three, two, one.
I have this marked as several racial slurs you hopefully cut out.
And I'll get some meat for you.
Marginals.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, this movie is full of racial slurs and hopefully I'm going to catch them all.
Have to double and triple this eclipse.
Can you catch them all?
I'm doing this on purpose to make a girlfucker.
Get the hell out of here, damn it.
They didn't just suddenly turn into munchkins.
It's four minutes and I don't want to stick through all of it, but we need to know what's going on.
Yeah.
So while you're out there wondering or not if I am actually doing great anymore at this show, kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy the average white band, even though they have at least one black member, whatever, with the song Pick Up the Pieces on the pirate radio edit.
All right, you know that song.
I don't have to play that out, and I don't have to keep you any longer.
Yeah, right?
All right, we're gonna go ahead and end this fucking shit.
Recording stopped.