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A podcast for multi-skilled coaches and experts who are ready to leverage their unique expertise, create money overflow all while embodying ease. Real conversations about integration, embodiment, and building a business that honors all of who you are. Solo episodes, guest interviews, and guided meditations.
Okay, so already a little bit more than 2 months ago I had my 44th birthday and I thought it was a beautiful number. I love the double digits, and I thought I'm gonna throw a party. I really wanted to throw a party. And I did that. And spoiler alert, it did end up being an amazing party.
Relinde Moors:But there were a lot of phases that I went through in in throwing the party because, you know, I I have never actually done that before. I always would just invite an intimate group of friends and family and just, you know, celebrate my birthday in a in a in a small, nice, beautiful, intimate way. And this time, I wanted to invite everyone and just throw a big party. And, I'm sharing this with you because while going through that whole process of inviting and preparing and having a party, I realized that I saw a lot of parallels in what happens to us when we run a business. And what I see happening for myself and for my clients, other coaches and experts and entrepreneurs that, run into some fears that are actually related to something else than we think it is.
Relinde Moors:So first of all, I was terrified to throw this party. I almost didn't do it. I had that, like, classic fear of I'm gonna throw the party and nobody is going to join. You know? I'm gonna be there alone or just with 3 people in a big, decorated house, and I'm gonna look ridiculous.
Relinde Moors:Whatever kind of fears came at me, that that was the main thing. Like, what if I invite all the people and they say no? So when I looked into that, what is this actually? Right? This is just that, like, fear of, yeah, hearing no, being rejected, failing in what you are trying to accomplish.
Relinde Moors:So for me, that fear of rejection isn't a isn't a foreign. I have you know, I know that I can really feel that, and I know with all the work that I've done that that fear always links to something bigger than what is really going on. Because in our DNA, it is still programmed that if you are rejected, if you are excluded, then you might end up alone, and that might be really dangerous, and it might lead to death. Like, if you were excluded from a group, you could be eaten by a tiger, or you could starve to death, and that is just in our system. So the brain and the nervous system respond to this fear of rejection in many ways.
Relinde Moors:They're like, we actually wanna do everything to avoid this because it might kill us. Right? And, of course, throwing a birthday party, or let's start with making the parallel to business, launching a course, doing a bit promotion on something, getting on sales calls with people, expanding your reach, your visibility. All these things. It doesn't matter, like, what the baseline is if you already have a really successful business, but you wanna double or or triple, if you are, you know, more in the in the starting out phases.
Relinde Moors:At every level, there is a level of, like, if I do this next thing, will I be rejected? Will I not get what I what I've set out to do? And will I lose face with with that? So because that deeper fears underneath that, which ultimately links to this fear of death, really, It is good to see that the brain starts playing tricks on you. It starts doing things that mask the real fear.
Relinde Moors:And I'm gonna share you with you the whole story of my birthday party, how it all panned out, what happened when I started to invite people because it wasn't only fun and I didn't get only s's. I'm going to talk to you about that and how I dealt with it. Even what happened on the day of because something big happened there that I was afraid of and it actually did happen, but it all turned out okay. But I'm gonna share with you, all that at the end of this episode. I just wanted to get into these ways that you might notice that you actually are dealing with fear of rejection, fear of failure, and that is masking as something else.
Relinde Moors:And the first way I see that happening for coaches, experts, entrepreneurs is to be controlling. And controlling in this one, I mean really controlling of the outcome. So how often I've heard somebody say, I would take this next step if only I was guaranteed of the outcome. Now and if you're already in business for a little while, you know that every time that you reach a new level, you have done something that you didn't do before. Therefore, you couldn't be a 100% sure of the outcome, and therefore, you reach that next level thing.
Relinde Moors:Maybe you've also launched a program runs that didn't do well, you know. And then from that information, you decided on changing and pivoting, and you launched something that was hugely successful. So there's always, you know we if we wanna guarantee the outcome, and if we wanna do things that only have an amazing outcome and we wanna know that ahead of time, We can't really be an entrepreneur. Like we can't really be. So this is the whole paradox of being an entrepreneur.
Relinde Moors:We can create so much freedom and independence, and I really feel like I have life way more in my hands being an entrepreneur than being an employee where I have to just do what the boss says, basically. But it does have that being a blazer, being, you know, the person with the vision, taking decisions, and not always knowing what is going to happen. It's really that idea of really embracing the unknown and finding trust in yourself. And I do feel this is actually really beautifully spiritual journey, finding trust in yourself to deal with that, unknown. I have a whole episode on this together with Mira as well, Mira Rao.
Relinde Moors:And she talks about this and she says, entrepreneurship is getting a PhD in uncertainty. And I really think that is so true. So that means if you wanna control the outcome, if you only want to do things that get that, you know, and be guaranteed of the exact outcome of taking that decision or taking that step or making that investment, it is impossible. And it's actually a good thing. You learn how to really navigate on your intuition and how to do the things that fit your phase of business that you are in, that fit what you where you wanna be, your aspiration, and to make decisions.
Relinde Moors:I always feel like I make decisions for my future self. So I think of where I wanna be. I get really into the feeling of where I wanna be, and then I make a a decision from what if I was already there. So I'm gonna already be there. I'm just gonna decide.
Relinde Moors:It has already happened. I'm already there. And then I make decisions from that place. Because those decisions are gonna get me there. If I keep making decisions of the place where I don't have what I wanna have just yet, I'm gonna perpetuate that same realities.
Relinde Moors:But that does need you know, that does mean you have to develop that inner confidence, that inner muscle, that inner I don't know, 7th sense, what is it, to really know I'm making this decision even though my external circumstances aren't up to speed just yet. And that's, you know, how I see it. It's the unknown. But if you hold the vibrational reality really clearly and make decisions from that place, it can't go different than just, you know, that everything around you moves to that, reality. So the fear of con of, you know, the controlling one, the fear of rejection and failure that manifest as wanting to control the outcome is one to really let go and to see what you need to heal and what you need to let go of, in order to be able to take decisions where nobody could, like, if we look at it very practically, could guarantee you an outcome.
Relinde Moors:Just like when you have a job and you sign a contract and they say you're gonna get so much salary, and this is the benefits, and this is the holidays. That is pretty concrete. Now still, we know nothing is sure in this life. You could lose a job. Like, anything can happen, but it perse is a really good perceived reality of certainty.
Relinde Moors:And as an entrepreneur, there's a different way to find that. And if you wanna grow, you don't want to be a slave to controlling the outcome. So the second point I see that is a masked way of actually fear of rejection or fear of failure and that is perfectionism. In a way, it's related to the control, but the perfectionism is sneaky because it gives us a lot of benefits, in in, you know it it seems like it gives a lot of benefits, and it also maybe does. It's not a 100% a bad thing just like control, of course, isn't a 100 percent a bad thing.
Relinde Moors:But perfectionism is an interesting one because we feel like we have really good reasons to not do something just yet. So for example, I wanna give an example of a brilliant yoga teacher that I love to take her classes, and she teaches them online, which which I love because she lives far away from me. And I love her classes, and I wanna do her classes. And for years, I've been saying, why don't you just, you know, record your live classes and put them in some kind of environment where we can see them again in a membership? And I could always pay you and just do your classes while you are doing something else because she's very busy and she works on different projects at the same time.
Relinde Moors:And she's always like, no. I don't wanna do that. If I record the classes, I need to have multiple cameras and edited videos and better sound and better everything and I'm just like, such a waste because I love her classes and honestly, I don't care if they are filmed from all the angles or that I can, you know, just do the class. For me, it's about doing the class, and I know it's for her students as well. So that level of perfectionism stops momentum.
Relinde Moors:It stops growth. It is costing her money because multiple people, tens, 20, like, hundreds of people could pay her for classes that she's already taught and that she just repurposes, but she's not giving it to us. And I'm not judging this, but I'm just from a real passion of like, oh, why does perfectionism sometimes really get in in the way? And I think it is really a deeper fear of, you know, what if people judge that and it is not good enough and they reject me. You know?
Relinde Moors:So ultimately, it is about that. I recently saw another entrepreneur. She's like she's been around for a long time and she had a multi $1,000,000 business. I've bought a number of her courses years ago. She was instrumental in the beginning of my business.
Relinde Moors:I learned a lot of things from her. But I do remember from the beginning that I was in her trainings, I was like Oh my gosh, there's so much perfectionism to everything. And even though her courses weren't only, you know, in the low end range, there was just so much deliverables, and everything was perfect. And I could see in a way that she was running her business, and she was working. You could just always sense a level of stress.
Relinde Moors:And I'm like I'm not I'm not surprised like the the way you deliver, how everything is done with to such perfection, that must be in a way also exhausting. And long story short, I've been following her, and she built a lot with that. But in the past year, she was already, like things started crashing for her. And I was just looking at it. I was like, oh my gosh.
Relinde Moors:She's just pushing herself way too much, and she's caring about things and perfecting and controlling in a way that is not gonna be sustainable. And it turned out that, at the end of the year, she closed down her business. She did that, publicly. She shared it. They did a, like, end of business coming of sale, and she completely shut down her Instagram, her podcast, her business, everything.
Relinde Moors:And I don't know exactly what the reason is. So she hasn't shared that openly clearly, but it was very sudden. And one of the things that I just saw, I was like, oh my gosh, you killed your business with perfectionism. That's how I saw it. And it's just painful for me to see.
Relinde Moors:Now I wanna say disclaimer. I am all for good design, beautiful recordings, well delivered products and services, and, you know, delivering what you promise and all those things. I think that is really important, and I hold that really highly. The only thing is that what your clients pay for isn't necessarily that everything is done to perfection. Like, for example, with this last business owner that I mentioned, I'd rather have her as a coach be more present and be more calm and have less pretty PDFs than that I have all the pretty PDFs.
Relinde Moors:Because what really matters to me is my transformation, and that is for your clients. That's for everyone. Why why your clients invest is because they get the transformation through what you teach. They they go from not having something to having something to not feeling something to feeding this sort of thing that, you know, help them feel or to, you know, not making the money to making the money. So that is what they care about, and they don't care about it in a way that the videos need to be pretty or that the PDF needs to be prettier or the website needs to be perfecter.
Relinde Moors:Like anything like that. That is perfecter. That's not a word. I know that. I just made that up.
Relinde Moors:But all that. All that attention. Think about it. Is it actually about them? Or is it really about you and staying safe?
Relinde Moors:And don't we wanna have the awareness on the client and not on yourself? You know, and this is not me blaming you, but it's just so interesting how perfectionism actually is always about, you know, building some really beautiful layers of safety for the person who is delivering, and is not as much focused on the person that is going through the transformation. So again asking yourself like what is actually helpful for them here, and does it matter if the design is perfect, or could I just make a Google Doc? And then over time, and I do wanna say that, like, when you grow your business, and I would say when you have a business that is making around 500,000 euros or dollars a year, like, in that realm, you have a big enough team. You can start perfecting things.
Relinde Moors:You might rerecord your course and make it look absolutely stunning. You know, you might wanna invest in those things before you scale up even further when you have the time and the resources. But when you start with this, when you do this on too early on, you put an emphasis on, I would almost say, vanity and perfectionism rather than providing transformation for your clients and delivering the best in the most lean and easy way possible so that you can actually grow, then, yeah, perfectionism can really work against you. The third way I see a fear of rejection and failure showing up for people is giving up way too soon. And I want to share with you at the Starbucks analogy that I always share with my clients.
Relinde Moors:I don't know who said this first. I've heard it somewhere. I can't give credits. I don't remember, but the Starbucks analogy is this. So you go to Starbucks and in my case, I would order a nice oatmeal latte.
Relinde Moors:And, imagine that it's a little bit busy. You are at the Starbucks. You've ordered it. You pay for it. They write your name on the cup, and then you have to wait.
Relinde Moors:Right? And you start waiting, and you really think, oh my gosh. What if this latte will never come? I really want the latte. I so badly want the latte.
Relinde Moors:I need this latte this morning. But what if it isn't arriving? And in the meantime, you see them calling out other people's names, and they're all getting their drinks, and you're not getting it. You know? And you're like, oh my gosh.
Relinde Moors:This is just never happening. Before I, you know, get super disappointed here and I lose everything this morning, I have to go to another place and and try to get a coffee there. You know? So you walk out of the Starbucks and you go somewhere else and repeat the same process there. And while you are gone, somebody there is calling out your name and is there with your beautiful hot beverage.
Relinde Moors:And then I hear your latte and where is Rolinda? You know? And, she's gone. And this is what I see with a lot of people. So they start a certain strategy in their business.
Relinde Moors:And again, this at every level. Yeah. So they start a certain strategy. They're like, you know what? I've been selling 1 on 1.
Relinde Moors:I'm fully booked. Now I will launch a group program because I really wanna have a mastermind. And they start doing that. And then the first round of the mastermind, you know, they start promoting it. And the first people that I talk to, because they're so used to it, still want the 1 on 1.
Relinde Moors:So they're like, no. A mastermind, you know, doesn't work for me. So they did they didn't even, like, fully try it. They didn't even fully put it out there, and it's already not happening. And see this in every level, in every stage, and it's a good question to ask yourself where because you're so afraid that you will be rejected and you won't get, you know, the fit the yeses, that you won't get the outcome.
Relinde Moors:Do you run away already before you could even experience rejection? Where are you playing that game where you just go away to not to avoid, you know, the pain that the possible rejection would be? And, again, the deeper layer is rejection or failure that what really needs to heal so that you can stay at it. You're like, I'm having this vision. I'm going to Starbucks.
Relinde Moors:I'm ordering a coffee. I'm getting the coffee, and I fully expect it to come. And therefore, it also you know, I'm I will still be there when it is actually delivered. And that is the same for every action or strategy you take in your business. The 4th one is procrastinating.
Relinde Moors:If you have been just too busy or you say I know I should but I can't, I really wanted to do things but I just didn't get to it. It is so common. And I'm honestly, we're busy. Yeah. And there's many things going on.
Relinde Moors:And I I'm guilty of it myself of waking up and thinking, I wanna do a podcast and write this email and do this and this and do that. So there's a lot of things going on, and I'm not saying that you don't. But you always have time for that what's most important. And if you are not doing the thing that is most important, that will give you most leverage, that is gonna help you grow the biggest than the procrastinating in itself is actually a, protection mechanism again. You know, if you do not really do it, you can't say it I failed at it because you actually didn't do it.
Relinde Moors:So you are already preventing the failure by not taking the action, talking about what you wanna do, talking about that next step, but actually not doing it. And that's a really big one. You know? Just think about yourself, like, the things that you have been putting off that actually often this is also the interesting very often the action actually doesn't take as long. It doesn't take me as long to, record this episode.
Relinde Moors:It doesn't take me as long to set up some Facebook ads while actually doing it, But thinking about it or procrastinating on it can take years. Right? So that is where you really wanna think about, like, if I'm procrastinating, look at yourself with so much love and care and compassion and see what is it that I'm really afraid of. Like, what could happen if I fully do it? And then if it doesn't work out, what does that say about me?
Relinde Moors:And I'm gonna talk about that in a minute more, like, how to dive into that deeper layer. So the last point is I know this already. And this is another way that fear of rejection and fear of failure can manifest. And it says I know this already. I know this already.
Relinde Moors:So you want something and you start listening, I don't know, to a teacher, to a coach. You start trying to implement a certain strategy and you're like I know this already. I tried it before and it didn't work or I noticed I've been doing this, but have you? I've noticed that that many people, like, write it off that way. Oh, I already tried that.
Relinde Moors:And then, yeah, either don't go that direction again or they say too quickly, oh, yes. This is what I've been doing. This is what I'm already I I already know, but then there's not the results. So is it? Right?
Relinde Moors:And sometimes it is just a little bit. So last year, for example, I invested in a coach. I met her, like, I literally invested in her program, in her, you know, it was like a 15 k investment. I invested in an after just meeting her for 2 days online. I saw her work.
Relinde Moors:I was like, this is exactly what I need. But 90% of what she was teaching, I already knew. But there was 10% that I didn't. And by the way, of the 90%, there were some little things that gave me new insights. So but I wanted the 10 percent because I knew I needed that 10% to make a big big change for myself.
Relinde Moors:So what I did is I went in and was very open. Honestly, I went through all her materials and I tweaked my things with the things that she set. So I had everything in a way already done. I already know it, but I was so open to, like, how can I tweak this thing? How can I get the result that I want by being really open and implementing what is different here without throwing away what I have built?
Relinde Moors:Yeah. I'm honoring that. That is amazing. But I'm speaking I'm optimizing. That's actually the word, optimizing.
Relinde Moors:And with that 10%, I got such a big return on investment really quick, you know, which got me exactly what I wanted, which was more ease and more consistency and a foundation that can grow me to, you know, my business to 7 figures. So that staying open, is really important. I'm really going for, yeah, I might know 90% already, but what is a 10% or maybe even I know 99% already. What is a 1% that is going to make that big difference for me? And this is really what I see with really, you know, people that keep on growing, people that run big businesses, they don't say as easily I've noticed already, or they reject, certain ideas or they reject to look at it because they have nothing to defend.
Relinde Moors:It's like if you're confident and you have, you know, these beliefs that you're worthy and successful and all these things, there's nothing wrong with taking advice from this or that or the other. And I'm not saying you take me to take advice from anyone, but, of course, the people that you choose from. But when you know that you, you know, are really, like, having that as a mechanism, like, I know it already. Nobody can help me. I know everything already.
Relinde Moors:Why is it not working for me? I wanna grow to this next level, and I know everything already. So I'm not, like, open to hiring a coach or, like, whatever that is for you. Then, you know, that your pattern and the fear that you would be open and then not get the result and then it might be because of you, that that is holding you back. So let's talk for a little moment under all those 5.
Relinde Moors:So I mentioned the first one being, wanting to really control the outcome. The second, perfectionism. The third, giving up way too soon, the Starbucks analogy. 4th, procrastinating. And the 5th, I notice already.
Relinde Moors:So if I say, like, those deeper fears underneath actually have to do with the fear of failing, fear of inadequacy, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough. And those are the deeper ones because if you really have those in place, and there's nothing, by the way, to be shamed for. Again, I work with entrepreneurs that are having, at the beginning of their business, but also that already have multiple 7 figure businesses, everybody has these fears, has these limiting beliefs that just happen, you know, in your childhood and that you've grown up with. But when you can go deep into that, when you feel like, oh, wait a minute. I okay.
Relinde Moors:What if if I would, you know, invest, in a coach and in Facebook ads and launch a big group program after being fully booked with 1 on 1 clients for many, many years? What if I would do it and I wouldn't get the multiple 6 figure result right away? For example, you know, what would that say about me? What would that say about me? And if an answer is, you know, you see almost like your father coming up and saying, you know it's not possible or, you see your failure or like whatever comes to your mind this is so personal Then, you know, that is the real part to heal.
Relinde Moors:That's the real part to heal. It's like, I already know that I'm worthy. I'm good enough. I am deserving. I am lovable.
Relinde Moors:I am successful. I am prosperous. I am abundant. I know what I'm doing, you know. I all these beliefs when you have all of these in place then it's so much easier to to get out there and and and make the decisions from a really embodied place and always be allowed to grow, you know, allow yourself to grow and your business to grow and allow yourself to to get into unknown stages because we can't grow without going into unknown, because then it wouldn't be unknown, you know.
Relinde Moors:So let me go back to my birth date for a moment. So I told you I had all these fears coming up. And one of the fears, you know, made me say, you know, I don't really wanna do a party or it would make me procrastinate a 100%. I wouldn't go and invite people. If I had the idea already couple of years ago, I would just be way too late.
Relinde Moors:You know? It's almost like a week before. It's like, hey. Do you wanna come to my birth? And people are like, I already have plans.
Relinde Moors:So those fears were holding me back. So this time I did it different and invited people on time. I did all the things. And, I wanna say, yes, I did get rejections. So I've I came to myself.
Relinde Moors:I did the inner work before doing this and being like, you know what? I'm just gonna send out all of these messages, and I'm gonna get rejected. And I did. And, you know, a lot of people that have never responded to the message, there's people that just came back to me very distant and polite. Like, I'm sorry.
Relinde Moors:We already engaged otherwise in that evening, you know. It's like very distant or not a warm response. But most of the people came back with super warm responses. Either they really wanted to make it, but they just couldn't because they had something important going on. Or they say yes.
Relinde Moors:You know, I'll be there. I love it. I had so many people that I was so surprised of people I hadn't seen in years years years that were there. It was just so wonderful. So many different people from different stages in my life.
Relinde Moors:And and that was just amazing. But before I tell you a bit more about the party and what was the most amazing thing about it, just before the party happened. So I had, combined this party with I built, this year a yoga studio in my garden. I wanted to officially open it. So I was teaching a yoga class and then afterwards we would change and then the party would start in in my home.
Relinde Moors:And, just before the party started, I think just before the yoga class actually, I got about 15 people canceling. So there was just a rain of pling, pling, pling, pling on my phone, getting all these WhatsApp messages saying I'm not coming, like for whatever reason. And I'm sure people all had good reasons. Right? But it was harsh in that moment.
Relinde Moors:I had done everything. You know, I bought food for everyone. I bought drinks. I prepared the home. I had made sure that in the yoga mat, studio, there were enough mats and blankets.
Relinde Moors:The day before, I was just driving to the shore shop to buy more blankets because so many people wanted to come, and then I got all these cancellations. And you know what? At that point, I already of course, I was a little sad. I have 15 out of 40 people decided not to come last minute. But it was still like, I was just I continued focusing on who were there.
Relinde Moors:And who were there, it was just amazing. I had friends coming, even flying all the way from Spain, from, London, from Belgium, like, coming all the way here. I had people from all the way in the Netherlands. There were people who I knew had to leave another party early to come to make it here or had to find a babysitter and make sure that they could, you know, have the evening off. And it was just the most amazing thing.
Relinde Moors:I have people from all stages of my life here. And the really, really, really, really most beautiful thing that happened the next morning that I got all these messages from the people that were at the party telling me that they made such amazing connections, that they were just so impressed with the people I had gathered around me in all these years, these 44 years, and that, you know, a lot of them didn't necessarily know many others at the party. So there was this really beautiful connections made of people that I still know from when I was at theater school and was, you know, working in theater that connected with somebody that does Qigong classes already for a long time, with me that we follow the same class or people from Dance Academy. Like, some girls from Dance Academy came. By the way, we danced our asses off.
Relinde Moors:That was really awesome. And then, you know, there was, a friend that I know already for my whole life. So there was just such a beautiful group of people that came together and it was an unforgettable evening. So I'm so happy I did it. I didn't think again anymore about the rejections or anything.
Relinde Moors:I totally understand people having their lives and things don't align. It was just a perfect group of people came together, and it really taught me about, you know, actually embracing those fears, doing the deeper healing inner work, and then you can create the magic, then you can create the growth. And it's just such a waste to not do it. I would have been such a pity to not create this evening because I would be afraid, and I'm so happy I did it. And that's why I wanted to share this today.
Relinde Moors:I hope you can apply this to you and your business growth and your life, you know, to really do the deeper healing work on the parts where it is needed and enjoy the beautiful things that you create when you heal those deeper wounds and know that you are good enough, worthy, deserving, that you're ready, that everything is here for you and that, you are, you know, all that. Good enough, worthy, deserving, successful, just a beautiful and amazing, one time event in the universe and, making the most out of it. Okay. Lots of love. Thank you so much for listening.
Relinde Moors:And I will see you hear you in the next episode. Thank you for joining us today on the Choose an Ease podcast. Remember to subscribe so you never miss an opportunity to connect. And I'd be so grateful if you could share your thoughts in a review. Join me next time as I continue to explore the powerful skills and strategies that will help you to let go of everything genius.
Relinde Moors:You are destined for greatness. And through the Choosing Ease podcast, I'm here to help you own your unique wisdom and share it with the world. Until next time, keep choosing ease.