Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
The Life of And podcast is for high-achieving women and working parents who are ready to stop living a life of “have to” and start designing a life they actually want. It’s a space where we talk honestly about the things we’re often afraid to admit — even to ourselves. The exhaustion. The ambition. The loneliness. The joy. The tension of wanting more without losing yourself in the process.
If you’re in the thick of it — feeling stretched, tired, hopeful, driven — this is your invitation to take a breath, get real, and find your way back to your own Life of And.
[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: When you fail at something that really has a very small margin of being successful, then you go into restart mode where you have a period where you're not doing anything and you're kind of just going back to your old habits and then you restart, and it's this failure cycle over and over again. The concept of minimums is what is the thing that you can get done on your very worst week when everything is going terrible?
[00:00:24] Tiffany Sauder: What are the things that for you make the worst week? And what can you get done even on that week? That's your minimum. I'm Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom to four girls and a woman figuring it out just like you. If you're tired of living a life of have to and finally ready to build a life of want to, then you're in the right place.
[00:00:46] Tiffany Sauder: Come on, let's go Build your Life of And.
[00:00:57] Tiffany Sauder: I would say we have like a loose outline for our conversation today, but it's not like super dialed in 'cause I really just want to try to be as present as possible. Maybe this is me making excuse for not being as prepared as I should be, but of just like exporting what had the like last even like six to 10 days have looked like.
[00:01:16] Tiffany Sauder: Since my last conversation with Brian Kavicky, I'm in this massive season of change and converging priorities. And that is like literally the summation of, I know all of your lives that are listening to this is a convergence of change and priorities. I don't know, I guess I just wanna like live my version of this right now, like kind of open kimono and share what I'm learning, what I'm doing.
[00:01:45] Tiffany Sauder: Because there are these periods of like, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I'm kind of mad at everything. I'm going through this failure cycle in my head that everything's gonna suck and I'm gonna be terrible and it's gonna be a flaming turd at the end. And then it's like, no, I can do this 'cause I can do anything and I've done hard things my whole life and da da da da.
[00:02:02] Tiffany Sauder: So that's the thing. So we're gonna talk about some version of that today and then we'll see where else Sam takes us. And then you'll share your summer priorities. Yes, I will. Yes. Do that. Yes as well. Okay, perfect. Kind of an update on how I did end of summer. Yeah. Perfect. We'll do that. So where do we start?
[00:02:24] Tiffany Sauder: I think first of all, conversation with Brian. Vicki, can you summarize, if you missed that, we'll put a link in show notes. It's just last week's episode, so go listen to it. But summarize what you learned in that conversation and what you took away from it. Yeah, so Brian is my like coach in real life. Also a content partner with the Life of And because his learning and what he teaches me is just something I wanna share with the entire world.
[00:02:48] Tiffany Sauder: And so last week I selflessly used it really as my own live coaching session and was just exporting a lot of insecurities, a lot of just like head trash that I had about all these things that are happening in our lives. And they're all good things and for the most part we've, I have chosen all of them.
[00:03:03] Tiffany Sauder: So I am like, I know I have the capacity to navigate these things, but right now I'm kind of frozen and I'm confused and I dunno where to start. And so then I kind of wake up every day in this state of like. Like I am just insecure about like, have I done enough? Did I not do enough today? Did something fall through the cracks?
[00:03:24] Tiffany Sauder: And I just don't have the sense of like, yep, I know what to do. I'm leaving it all on the mat. I'm focused when I wake up, I know how I need to use my time. And that is like the version of my life where I know I'm in the high output mode. And when I'm in the season, I'm like, everything needs me, but I'm confused and paralyzed.
[00:03:41] Tiffany Sauder: Then I'm like, oh my word. I'm just inefficient. I'm like. I'll sit down and like paint my nails or something like, yeah. So ridiculous. Yeah, because I just don't know what to do. Or I'll, like, I'll just like open my inbox and be like, I guess I'll start with the first one. It's like, I mean, just like the urgent is just, I'm not, I mean your nails are not urgent, but like nothing is driving my decision making 'cause I'm just confused.
[00:04:06] Tiffany Sauder: So I know when I get there, I need to export it to someone. 'cause I'm, I'm not gonna get out of it on my own. And so I would say I was in that state for probably the better part of two to three weeks. Do you think, you think it was longer than that? I think two to three weeks is probably right. Yeah. Well, when did you buy the house?
[00:04:26] Tiffany Sauder: I feel like that's when it, like, really, I think I was, I was not confident about what to do around Life of And I was like swirling of like, I just, I'm like, uh, like we need to move this to a place of scale. We've kind of been in this like. Testing season where it's like everything's a little bit different.
[00:04:45] Tiffany Sauder: We're doing a lot of different things. And I told Sam like, we, everything we do can't be different. Like there's no way to scale that. And so I was trying to think through how do I do that? And that was kinda like problem number one I was trying to solve. And then we're going into school, which is like a different season.
[00:05:04] Tiffany Sauder: Our girls are gonna be on a different schedule. Some of that's easier, some of that's harder. Two of them are gonna be in season in high school sports. And then, yeah, we bought this house. It's gonna be lovely and amazing and I'm so excited. And it's like what we've prayed for. What I prayed for, I don't know if Jr's prayed for it, but for the last couple years.
[00:05:20] Tiffany Sauder: And it's gonna be a construction project for hopefully nine months and not longer than that. And we'll be living in this house. And just like all of that logistics and planning and being a good steward, I was just shutting down. And so this is the part of the conversation where I feel self-conscious 'cause you don't really care about my problems.
[00:05:38] Tiffany Sauder: But what I'm sharing them is like you have your own version of what this looks like, where it's like I'm just spinning, it's this and it's this, and this person needs me and this thing at work, and we've got this sales conference, we've got this thing, and then I've gotta travel, and then my mom needs me and I've got these doctor's appointments like where you're just like, ha.
[00:05:53] Tiffany Sauder: And what's going on inside your head is just at a feverish pace where it is unmanageable. You're not like organized around any of those priorities Actually. What you're doing during the day may or may not be moving them forward at a pace that may or may not be relevant to what needs to be done. And that's what I felt like was the way I was using my time, what my head was going to, was like, not as connected to my priorities in a way where I was like confident about each day what I'm doing.
[00:06:21] Tiffany Sauder: It might work, it might not, but at least I know I'm moving my time towards the right stuff. So that's kind of the like, I guess just backdrop of where I was at and really what this whole. Life of And framework and toolkit was designed to help us at these inflection points where it seems like, man, I gotta get clear about what I'm gonna say yes to, what I'm gonna say no to, how I'm gonna design my days so that I can get as much of this done as possible and be available to myself and to my family, the people, not just the tasks in a way that keeps all of that really healthy.
[00:06:58] Tiffany Sauder: Because when we get in these seasons where it's bonkers. We get into these different modes. I go into like robot task mode where my emotions are untouchable. I don't listen to JR very well. I don't make time for fun, and I'm just like, idiot, I don't wanna be like that. I wanna be fun. So anyways, that's sort of the thing.
[00:07:16] Tiffany Sauder: So your question to me was like, what have I done since my conversation with Brian? That's kinda my backdrop. So one of the things he said to me was, you've gotta get it all. You have to make the unknowns known. And so that was like where all the places where my brain is making up stories. So a silly example, I was like, Ainsley is going to high school volleyball for the first time.
[00:07:38] Tiffany Sauder: I know they play more games, so I don't know my head it was like a thousand, maybe they play a thousand games. Yeah, probably. Probably a thousand. Well, a thousand. That's gonna be crazy. You know what I mean? Uhhuh. But I, I didn't, I had never actually gone and looked at the schedule. Mm-hmm. If I was honest.
[00:07:53] Tiffany Sauder: So I was like, I should probably just go download the schedule. I bet it's up on the school website. So I like. Went and did that and put all of those games on the calendar. And it is not a thousand, but it does look close to an, it feels like a thousand offense, like 25 or something. It's way more than a middle school season, which is fine.
[00:08:10] Tiffany Sauder: We will be excited for all of those games. So that made an unknown known, very helpful to actually have it on my calendar. So now when people ask me for speaking engagement dates, I can see is it a home game or an away game? Am I okay missing that game or not? Or keep missing that game and. I don't have to fear it because now I know it.
[00:08:29] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. Have you used that, like a minimum number of gains you're gonna go to? No, but I think that's a good idea. I think I need to ask Ainsley what's important to her. Mm-hmm. I actually, I'm gonna make a note of that. 'cause that is a thing I love to manage is okay. I probably, well I won't make all of them right, so what is the right number?
[00:08:47] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. I think agreeing with Ainsley on that, so I like that. Clear agreements, yes. Is part of our. Versus implied expectations. Um, 'cause if she is expecting me to be all of them at all of them, and I'm expecting not to be all of them at all of them, and we've just implied that, then we are set up for disappointment.
[00:09:06] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. Because I'm like, what do you mean I wasn't planning? But if we can have that conversation and make it into an explicit agreement where I say, okay, I'll be at 15 of the 25 and you want me to be at the key rivalry games or whatever, then amazing. Let's do that. So. Yeah, that's one thing that I did. I think it's like silly, but it's just about how do you make the unknowns known.
[00:09:24] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. With that one. Mm-hmm. It was very easy. The other thing I did was had a conversation with my lead contact with the construction company who's gonna be doing our work and I told her once we get to the design meeting, I need to have a meeting with you that's all about planning. 'cause I have never done this before and I need to know the weeks.
[00:09:43] Tiffany Sauder: Where it is gonna be an outsized use of my time. And every time you send me a request, I need to know when you need it by can we make that agreement? And so again, it's like totally. So I don't have the answers to that unknown yet, but I know how to get it. And she has the expectation that after we have this meeting on July 31st, but that's gonna be an important meeting.
[00:10:02] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. So that I can put in my calendar and Sam, you can help me manage, hey, I'm gonna have to have two days where all I'm doing is driving around and looking at. Cabinet sample tile. Tile and tile, and it's like, okay, well if we know that in advance we can get content made beforehand, we can get things reviewed so that things aren't waiting on me.
[00:10:22] Tiffany Sauder: Amazing. I can do that. The other thing I went to back and did is I kinda recommitted in my personal minimums. So I wanna take a minute and just like double click into this concept of minimums. If you're new to it. It's a key aspect of the Life of And Framework because as achievers, as people who want to do all the things, be all the places, serve on all the board, lead all the people, you know, be it all the PTO meetings, whatever the things are for you, we tend to go to what is the most.
[00:10:50] Tiffany Sauder: So I use my workout world as an example. When I would wanna, like in my past version of my life, it's like if I wanted to go lose 10 pounds, I would go create a calendar that had me working out six days a week, waking up every day at five 15, lifting, running 20,000 steps. Just like the, the most I could possibly do as fast as possible is how I would plan this.
[00:11:14] Tiffany Sauder: And it was set up for total failure. And then when you fail at something that really has a very small margin, you know, of being successful. Then you go into restart mode where you have a period where you're not doing anything, and you're kind of just going back to your old habits, and then you restart, and it's this failure cycle over and over again.
[00:11:32] Tiffany Sauder: The concept of minimums is what is the thing that you can get done on your very worst week when everything is going terrible, you're on the road, a kid is sick, you know, you woke up late. What are the things that for you, make the worst week? And what can you get done even on that week? That's your minimum.
[00:11:55] Tiffany Sauder: And when you commit to your minimum every single week, you can hit it 52 weeks a year, or 50 weeks a year instead of committing to the most, and then feeling anything below that as a failure when you define your minimum and the key aspects of your life, fitness, spiritual relationships, work priorities, your minimums, and you maintain those like at.
[00:12:18] Tiffany Sauder: Almost all cost. Then life has a way of moving forward even when the season gets super hairy. And so I'm heading into a hairy season. That's probably gonna be kind of gnat, like this house project is not gonna be like six weeks. Woo. Done. Done. This is like pregnancy term long. Yeah. When I say it like that, it makes me have a little bit of a headache.
[00:12:40] Tiffany Sauder: I'm gonna have to hold fast to these minimums, like my life depends on it because it actually does. Because when I fall out of sync with myself, meaning I give up my personal time of like exercise and just the things that, now, I was joking with you earlier, Sam, the most normal bottle of functions require an incredible amount of attention.
[00:13:01] Tiffany Sauder: What to get to Mepa like this season in life of 45, what is happening? Everything's hard. But when I fall out of sync with those things, it takes up so much space in my brain. Because it's like you didn't work out. You didn't work out, didn't work out. Yeah. Just like hard me, you just get grouchy with everyone.
[00:13:16] Tiffany Sauder: 'cause you're like, I gave you all my time and I didn't take any for myself. Totally. Yeah. This grumpy servant starts to come out so heavy and hairy, so, exactly right. And then the other is my relationship minimums with JR. When we fall out of sync, everything is harder. It makes me tired. You know, I think about it, I like, it just makes life hard when we're not in sync and we're gonna need to be in sync.
[00:13:39] Tiffany Sauder: 'cause we're gonna have to make really hard decisions together. And so going to bed at the same time is a big thing for us. Like this week he was like, Hey, you wanna go play pickleball? And I was like, I kind of didn't want to. But I was like, I want us to spend time together. 'cause that's important to like play and not just do business together, which we're like better at.
[00:13:59] Tiffany Sauder: And it ended up being so fun. I was so grumpy when we got there because I was already tired and you need to reserve a court at the club. And they're new, and so they're full a lot like in the evenings. And so we got there at 7 45 and our, our court reservation was for eight 30 and I needed to be home to put kids to bed by nine.
[00:14:17] Tiffany Sauder: I was like, we're here 45 minutes early, you know, so we're like hitting the ball back and forth on the tennis court. And I was like. This is not fun. I don't wanna sit a ball for 45 minutes with no lines, you know? Yeah. Like what is happening? It ended up redeeming because there's like one court that's like player stays, and so we ended up playing there.
[00:14:37] Tiffany Sauder: It was super fun. And we met whatever, we met some people up, but for like 10 minutes, I was like, I hate this. And he knew. He knew I was hating it and we're just not talking about, it was like, this is supposed to be fun, be cool. But that was an example of me being like. We need time together. I know this is really important right now and it's just important.
[00:14:55] Tiffany Sauder: So could those are minimums. What is the thing that you can do on your very worst week? So I went back through my core minimums and the really, the biggest ones are my time on myself. I become a grumpy servant when I get busy. 'cause I just focus on the family and I just focus on work and I let myself go and really dialing in those relationship minimums with JR and I.
[00:15:15] Tiffany Sauder: Super important. So that's the minimums. So I did that. I clearly defined goals where they were directional. So like you and I were like, we need to move some things forward with Life of And. Mm-hmm. But if somebody would've asked you in a cold, dark alley what those were, we would've said maybe directionally the same things, but like not the same thing.
[00:15:37] Tiffany Sauder: Not clear. Yeah. But now I feel like we would point to the exact same piece of paper.
[00:15:40] Samantha Johnson: Mm-hmm.
[00:15:41] Tiffany Sauder: Yes. We know exactly what they are. And so our behavior is aligned. We can speak to them, we can organize around them. Yeah. And it feels better or worse, would you say? Yeah. Oh, way better, but way better. It's like, okay, this is better.
[00:15:52] Tiffany Sauder: It's clear we can get organized. So that's the other thing I did where they were directional goals. I made them very clearly defined, this is maybe a boring tangent. You can decide if it is okay. But the directional goals were so specific. Goals, directional goals are easier for me. I want more of something, I want less of something.
[00:16:13] Tiffany Sauder: Specific goals. My brain starts to engage and say like, but what if you're wrong? Like you want four new clients? What if you only get three? Maybe the goal should be three, like maybe it should be five. Like, yeah, I get a little paralyzed when I have to make goals super explicit because I start renegotiating with myself versus being like, it's not about being perfectly right or wrong.
[00:16:40] Tiffany Sauder: It's about directionally planting a flag that has specificity, and then it might be five, it might be three and a half, but you at least kind of have established the intensity. It's probably not 100 mm-hmm. New clients in our world. And it's not zero. You, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's, it's more about, okay, move it from more to pick a number, because that is defining intensity and I can sometimes, like this just takes me longer than it needs to, to just plant the flag and be like, just run at it.
[00:17:09] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah, and if you get six weeks in and realize you were off by order magnitude, it should have been 20 instead of five, then you're gonna know that. Like don't be so weird about it, Tiffany. So, I don't know. I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius. For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey behind the microphone.
[00:17:31] Tiffany Sauder: Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life. So whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a microphone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic and impactful. How do you set goals?
[00:17:49] Tiffany Sauder: Like is it easier for you to be explicit? I think I overshoot it. Like I'll be like, I'm gonna lose 10 pounds in a month. It's not like try to, you know, like do something that's just like impossible uhhuh, because I think that, I dunno if I just like try hard enough, then I can, but you don't know. You don't like quantify the time, right.
[00:18:06] Tiffany Sauder: Just like schedule when that would happen. Totally. Even like walking 10,000 steps in a day actually takes like an hour and a half. Yeah. It takes both time. Yes. Like a lot of time. So it's like, I'm like, if you're gonna do that, you have to figure out where you're gonna do that. Yeah. Yes. Because you can't just be like, it's nine 30, go to the mailbox and back.
[00:18:26] Tiffany Sauder: Well, you could 45 times. Yes. I say I'm gonna do that. I never actually have. Yeah. I'm not like one of those people that's like, I have to close my rings. I wish I was, I just don't have that. But you don't like wear the like watch. I don't wear watch and stuff. It like motivates me. I don't know. And this just doesn't bugs me, like, feels like it has power over me and I'm like, I don't wanna close my rings.
[00:18:44] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. That's where I'm at. I don't want to, when I was pregnant, it annoyed me. I had to like, take it off then. 'cause I was like, it's not happening. Yeah. You know, it's never happening. I'm never gonna close my ranks. It's never going to, you need to know I got some extra lbs. Uh, I don't like an Apple watch.
[00:19:00] Tiffany Sauder: It's true. I don't like it. Okay. Um, and then the last thing I'll say I did is I built my cookbook. So at the very end of the episode, Brian and I talked about. Developing a cookbook and this is essentially documenting those minimums and then it's just in a spreadsheet. It's not fancy at all, but I've defined what those minimums are and mine are like posting on LinkedIn four times a week because that's a place that like creates, it gets my ideas out of my head.
[00:19:26] Tiffany Sauder: I can test concepts out in the wild and see what people are reacting to and it keeps me and what this project like top of mind to my target market, four workouts a week is my minimum, which is the highest it's ever been in my. Like life in the last five years. And that is hard. I have to schedule it.
[00:19:44] Tiffany Sauder: It's very hard for me to get done every single week. I have to work really hard at that three outreaches each day of kind of like a, a new business or sales motion around life event. 'cause this year is all about just like, how do we grow the story? How do we grow the message? How do we grow the relationships?
[00:19:58] Tiffany Sauder: And so it's like some days that happens supernaturally and some days it's like, okay, we have to work at this and keep things moving. So, so examples of what are on my cookbook, it's like, this is what's. Getting my first energy and then once those things are done, I can move into other things that we have to do.
[00:20:15] Tiffany Sauder: So that's the cookbook world. It's a spreadsheet, it keeps it in front of me. And then you can literally like create a percentage completion. Like was it a 93% week, right? Yeah. That's nice to put it in a spreadsheet. I wouldn't have thought of that. Is that what BK says to do? Is that like his thing? Yeah.
[00:20:28] Tiffany Sauder: Okay. Yeah. Make a spreadsheet. So if you go back and listen to that episode, he like dives more into like, what is a cookbook? We kinda like hit it quickly. 'cause I was like, I think I need to make a cookbook. And he was like, yeah, totally. So where it comes from, like the kind of genesis of it is when you're in new business, like doing sales and you're trying to hit like a million dollar revenue goal, it's like, well the money is like kind of the result of a bunch of behavior.
[00:20:54] Tiffany Sauder: So your cookbook behavior is things like, I'm gonna make 25 calls a day, I'm gonna have six appointments with new people. I'm gonna ask for two referrals a week. I'm gonna go to one networking event. So it's like, what are the behaviors that I'm gonna do every single week, whether I feel like it or not, that I believe are gonna drive this pipeline that's gonna drive this performance and, you know, and that's gonna drive this $1 million of sales.
[00:21:22] Tiffany Sauder: Does that make sense? Because like the sales, as a salesperson, you, you kind of can't really work on the number. You have to work on the behaviors. That get you to the number, right? Does that make sense? So that's where the cookbook concept comes from. And so when I was early years at Element Three, you know I had the president title, but I was really a salesperson.
[00:21:42] Tiffany Sauder: 'cause we are not a business without revenue. And so I would literally work with him to say like, what's my cookbook for this next six months? How many calls am I making? How many networking things, because that was what gave me the comfort that I was doing what it took to keep the doors open. Yeah. Do these things.
[00:21:58] Tiffany Sauder: These things will happen, and every time those things happen, it feels like you're getting lucky but funny that every time you do these things, these are the things that happen. Yeah. Does that make sense? Like, oh, this person called me outta the blue. It's like sort of, but you met with him 10 weeks ago and you were top of mind, or does that so like Yeah.
[00:22:14] Tiffany Sauder: That's the genesis of where this toolbox come from is like from the sales world. Well, in the same way in our complex lives of moving all these different priorities forward. So in that world it was sell a a million dollars of revenue. It can be completing a complex house, getting yourself back in shape, facilitating goals for your kids, working on your marriage.
[00:22:36] Tiffany Sauder: They're like, all these priorities that you're working towards, what are the behaviors that when you do them every single day, consistently leads to those outcomes? Because what we can't see, or we aren't as willing to be honest with ourselves about, I don't think, is the behaviors that we're doing that are leading us like away from those priorities.
[00:22:54] Tiffany Sauder: So, you know, when Jira and I were in a season where our marriage was in the crapper, we were very specifically doing things every single day. You know, that we're leading to the erosion of our relationship. You just don't put those things on the scoreboard quite as intentionally. You know what I mean?
[00:23:11] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah, yeah. And so if we don't. Keep the productive, healthy behavior in front of us. We can so easily slip into the things that erode our relationships, our intentions, our priorities, our progress. And there's all kinds of books, um, like Atomic Habits and those that talk about, like, it's not really about where you are, it's the direction and velocity of where you're headed that really matters in life.
[00:23:36] Tiffany Sauder: And so this concept of the cookbook, and I literally just pull it up every single morning on my second screen. And I like have it open all day long so that when I do something, I can go update it and it's like this little dopamine hit like, do do, I did it. Yeah. And it's so menial, like I'm working in cash register, but it feels so good and productive and keeps me super focused.
[00:23:58] Tiffany Sauder: So again, I think this goes back to the thing I was talking about earlier with I was just feeling so scattered and a lack of confidence in my decisions and behaviors. And this is like, okay. If I do this stuff for six weeks and it's not leading to the outcomes that I want, then all I have to do is go and evaluate my behaviors.
[00:24:17] Tiffany Sauder: I don't have to go spin out. I just go back to like, okay, well what do I need to adjust and Right. How do I get more focused on that? So my recommendation, I created my cookbook with like eight things, right? And I deleted five of them. Oh, yeah. Okay. Because I can't manage that much change in my behavior that quickly.
[00:24:36] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. Or I, like, I didn't delete them. I moved them down like 15 rows. Yes. And I was like, I don't, I cannot digest this much change right now. These are the most important ones. Yes. And so they are my new business motions posting on LinkedIn and my workouts. Yep. Those are the three things that are on my cookbook.
[00:24:53] Tiffany Sauder: If I do those every single day for, I'm gonna probably give myself three weeks to just focus on those things. I wanna be more active on like Instagram stories. It's like, it's just, I can't, I can't add that to my brain right now. The other stuff I have to get to be like automatic motion where I'm like, not, there's no friction in doing it.
[00:25:12] Tiffany Sauder: And then you can add And then I can add some. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, totally. So that's kind of my update I guess, on what I've done since my conversation with bk. Yeah, that was great. I love the cookbook thing. Feel like you need to make a cookbook. Yeah. You do need a cookbook. I'm right across the desk from you.
[00:25:28] Tiffany Sauder: Yes. Dunno, the cookbook. What do you think would be on your cookbook? With Finn starting school. Mm-hmm. I just need to think through like what changes are coming up and just, you know, in a really short period of time, by the time this goes, things will already be happening. So I just need to think through those things.
[00:25:43] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. So I'm not sure what I would put on it.
[00:25:45] Samantha Johnson: Mm-hmm.
[00:25:47] Tiffany Sauder: Start with what outcomes. Yeah. We don't need to go through this. Okay. I wrote down this and then maybe we'll be done with this conversation As I was spinning out, I. Was blaming a lot of things on, like, it's summer, the kids have been home. There's been just a massive demand for our time from family, which is incredible.
[00:26:07] Tiffany Sauder: And also just like distracting sometimes, like was just like not being home. And so the, the question I think is so powerful to ask ourselves is like, what is the role I'm playing in where things are, what is the role I am playing in where things are? Because if everything is everybody else's fault or it's the environment's fault, then you actually have no agency to change anything.
[00:26:35] Tiffany Sauder: But when you are able to say, this is the role I'm playing and where things are, this is the responsibility that I can claim, actually, the more of it you can claim responsibility for, the more control you have in making it different.
[00:26:48] Samantha Johnson: Mm-hmm.
[00:26:49] Tiffany Sauder: And so I. Practice that and being like, if a hundred percent of it's my fault, that's such good news because that means I have a hundred percent of it in my control to change.
[00:26:59] Tiffany Sauder: And so as you're in these seasons of like change and the winds are blowing in a different direction, or you're in a season where things are just not what you want them to be and they're not where you want them to be, ask yourself the question, what is the role I'm playing and where things are As you're going into this new season of school, how do you want it to feel in your home?
[00:27:20] Tiffany Sauder: And if it's like, it feels like it's moving too fast, it feels like it's too scattered, we feel disconnected. Well, what are the things that you're doing or not doing to create that environment and how can you create change around that? So I think that's maybe just the question I'll leave the audience with, and one that I've been challenging myself with is what's the role I'm playing and where things are because I have an enormous impact on our family, on our home.
[00:27:49] Tiffany Sauder: On how organized or not we are on what we eat on my schedule, on what the people around me feel and experience. And when it sucks, it usually means I'm sucking a little or a lot. And that when you're tired can be kind of a grumpy thing to accept. But when I get myself on top of it, I'm like, okay, these are the things that I'm doing that are making outcomes I don't like.
[00:28:18] Tiffany Sauder: And that means I need to change. And so I need to get clear on that. And this process I just talked about at the beginning is really about how I get clear, what's my fault, how do I change it, and how do I use my minimums of my cookbook, get me locked in so that I can get different, better outcomes for myself and the people around me.
[00:28:35] Tiffany Sauder: So that's it. Yeah. That's great. Okay, so last thing, quick update on you. It's like the end of summer. Yeah. How did summer priorities go? Where did you end up with 'em? Yeah, so big summer priorities, play pickleball 10 times and I'm at six, which is way more than last year, so I'm actually, yeah, pretty pumped.
[00:28:55] Tiffany Sauder: You know what, August is still summer, so Yeah. Yeah. I'll definitely get to 10 by the time the pickleball like is closed down. Mm-hmm. I think I, I meant 10 during like, June, July, August. Right. And I, I think I'll get close to it, but I played way more than last year. And it's funny, I've been to the pool maybe one time.
[00:29:15] Tiffany Sauder: And so it's like, which is okay, but my priority this summer was pickleball. Yeah. Like I wanted to do that. I wanted to get a little bit better. My serves a little better, a little harder to hit back. It's not like amazing, but you know, you do get better when you do something. So. Yep. I'm proud of that effort and it's been fun JR and I go play sometimes after dinner.
[00:29:34] Tiffany Sauder: We've played before, work once and just like being creative with how to find the time to do it. 'cause he knows it's one of my priorities. So he was like, on the way back, he's like, where, what number are you at? I was like, six. He's like, oh yeah, you'll be fine. By the time it closed. It's so cute. He is been like thoughtful about engaging me in that.
[00:29:48] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. Yeah. That is Ivy riding her bike. Well, mine is. My kids getting 90% of their priorities completed is one of mine We did very well. My big ones were Ivy learning how to ride a bike and Quincy learning how to swim and those things both happened. Quince doesn't need any floaties or assistance, which just makes me feel comfortable and makes her feel like a big girl.
[00:30:07] Tiffany Sauder: And Ivy. Uh, again, it was like on the fridge one day after work. Jared was like, we gotta get this bike thing done. And he went out and like sweated himself off. You know, it's like so hard. Got it done. Yeah. Got it done. She can ride that bike now. She was so proud of herself. Yeah. You know, I have to cry and get a little mad once, but so very proud of that.
[00:30:24] Tiffany Sauder: Keeping work priorities moving forward. I think last time I gave myself a BI think I more give myself like a, a d on that. I think I've come out of the summer like a. I don't know, something with their pants on fire. Like I'm very focused right now. Yeah. And I'm very locked in. I have told myself that I don't think that summer is a buying season for what we're, for what we're doing.
[00:30:50] Tiffany Sauder: Talking to HR professionals about how to help women in the workplace. I'm like, summer's not a buying season for that. That is something I have told myself. I have no evidence that that is actually true. Yeah, but I behaved it like it was true. Yeah. And I think that's pretty pathetic. BK would have things to say about that for sure.
[00:31:07] Tiffany Sauder: She literally punched me in the face. So I've told myself that and I've made it true, but there's no evidence that it is actually true. And so I've created that reality for us, which is annoying. 'cause now fall is not like as booked as we'd like it to be. And so now I'm kind of scrambling and it's like, it super sucks.
[00:31:23] Tiffany Sauder: I still have crappy thoughts sometimes and I think that's one of them. It was a belief that I brought in to the summer that may or may not be true. We will see. 'cause next summer we'll maybe choose to show up a little bit differently. Totally disconnect from my 20th. I think we crushed it. That. Yep. That was really good.
[00:31:40] Tiffany Sauder: Amazing time away, uh, in Europe for our 20th anniversary and I think that's all of them. Yeah, I think that's it. I think it was like, I think what I crushed was where I was focused. Mm-hmm. And that is. Like maybe the takeaway of this whole episode, like you will crush where you focus. Yeah. And if you're unfocused, you have no chance of crushing.
[00:32:03] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's good. So yeah, so now it's a season of new priorities. If you're not already there, school is starting, it's a new season. We've got like, what, maybe 10 good weeks before we get into holiday season, which is another change inflection point I'm telling you as moms. We've been working kind of on a purpose statement.
[00:32:23] Tiffany Sauder: I'm gonna try this on for size. Yeah. Is to be the leader in helping professional women who are balancing careers and caregiving. I really like that phrase of careers and caregiving, or I think another version that said, ambition and caregiving, where these worlds of us wanting to be significant and have impact in the world and financially for us in our career and ambition.
[00:32:46] Tiffany Sauder: And also being available for our families and this caretaking, whether it's for your kids or for your parents that you're taking care of. But caretaking is oftentimes a part of a woman's vocabulary of the way that we're taking care of the world around us. And so when you're in the intersection, you are gonna experience change either because things in your life change, your job changed, or it changed for the people around you.
[00:33:07] Tiffany Sauder: Your kids get to new stages, go to school holidays. And so it does feel like there's. Like two weeks of planning for the next season, two weeks of norming into that season, six to eight weeks of behaving it. Like we're on a schedule. Okay, the next season is coming. I got two weeks of planning the next one, two weeks of norming.
[00:33:26] Tiffany Sauder: And I'm constantly in that rhythm of looking ahead, like you're saying right now. Mm-hmm. Like, Hey, Finn's gonna go to school, schedule's gonna change. It's, the hours are gonna be different. And so thinking about how do you need to respond and where you put your things. So that when he is outta school, you're available, you've got your work done, you're getting up earlier.
[00:33:44] Tiffany Sauder: This is when you're working out. Like all that stuff has to be reorganized or you're just reacting to everything that's happening around you. And so, yeah, I guess it's just encouragement. Let's take responsibility for the outcomes we have. Let's step into it with a lot of confidence and get really clear about what are the behaviors that are gonna get the outcomes we want in our lives.
[00:34:07] Tiffany Sauder: You know, find a good friend and a coach and mentor that can help you along the journey as well. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's a wrap you guys, as always, thanks for listening. Thanks for letting me just like ramble a bit. You know, Brian really encouraged me just in this season of getting a lot done in our lives to just share as openly and transparently as possible to like, Hey, this is the real life version of what it looks like.
[00:34:31] Tiffany Sauder: I do not have all the answers. But I do have an incredible toolbox that I lean on, an incredible group of people that help me move life forward in really big and significant ways. So I hope this has been helpful. Thanks for listening in. And as always, if this episode has sparked something inside of you and you think someone could benefit from it, I'd love it if you shared it.
[00:34:52] Tiffany Sauder: It is the fastest way that we grow the show. My goal is to impact as many people as possible. So thanks for your support. Thanks for listening to the Life of And this is your weekly reminder to keep making bold choices, saying clear yeses and holding space for what matters most. As always, if you like this episode, I'd love for you to drop a review and share it with your friend.
[00:35:13] Tiffany Sauder: It's the fastest way that we can grow the show. Thanks for joining us. I'll see you next time.