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The official podcast of Few Will Hunt, the world’s largest community of hard workers and 100% Made in the USA apparel brand. We’re on a mission to restore the dignity of hard work and help others live The Rules of The Few to strengthen ourselves and strengthen society. No entitlement or excuses are allowed here.
I think the thing that was the biggest change this time is that, like, I seen a life better than using. This is what you have.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, you can make money. You have a beautiful girlfriend. Like, you know, you have your dog. Like, you have all this stuff going for you. Like, this is gonna be the last time
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know, this stuff is here. Like, if you go down this road again, like
Joey Rosen:It's gonna get taken away again.
Drew Beech:Many more opportunities. Right. Opportunity is not choices
Joey Rosen:Welcome to the fuel hunt show. What's going on, Eagles?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I'm Joey. Welcome to the fuel hunt show.
Joey Rosen:I have Drew here to the right of me and to the left of me, I have a very special guest, Callum Matthews, athlete, husband, father, neighborhood guy. We live in the same neighborhood, also in recovery, but we're gonna get into that. So any opening thoughts? I I was asking you for closing thoughts. I just had a a Well Like, for a second there, I was like, wait a second.
Joey Rosen:Let me ask you if
Drew Beech:you guys
Joey Rosen:have any opening thoughts.
Drew Beech:Last episode, I made a comment about wearing the same jacket, but now I know it's a wearin' the same hat as well. So we'll just have to deal with it.
Joey Rosen:Nah. We'll just deal with it. I'll deal with it. When we make the reels, we'll just, like, transition
Drew Beech:to that.
Joey Rosen:We're I'm sure Dane can probably just erase.
Drew Beech:Yeah. Dane photoshopped a different house.
Joey Rosen:That's how it yeah. Well, erase will be our edit.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Favorite quote that you guys put out, though, condition for chaos. Well, we
Joey Rosen:wore these for you then.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. Yeah. Well,
Joey Rosen:that's that's why
Drew Beech:I did the limited edition condition for chaos talks forms. I knew that was his
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Drew Beech:His motto.
Joey Rosen:Yep. Yep. So I mentioned we're, we're neighborhood guys because we live in the same neighborhood. Right? I literally I see you often.
Joey Rosen:Literally, it looks like you are running for your life in it, like, you're full.
Drew Beech:Pace the mile pace is insane.
Joey Rosen:It looks like he's running for his life. And I'm beeping. I'm waving. Like, Colin, are you waving? Dude is so locked in, and I absolutely love it.
Joey Rosen:Every time I say it.
Drew Beech:He's flow state.
Joey Rosen:I think one time, I almost I may have almost clipped them with my Jeep. Maybe almost one time when he's
Drew Beech:Is it really that all? Yeah. Like, you see that how many times
Joey Rosen:I mean, we see each other at the we try to try to grocery store. We try to sell it all
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:the time.
Joey Rosen:So, coffee shop. We're out
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:well,
Joey Rosen:after a walk with your dogs, I saw you on. Yes. So it's funny. That lasts
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:that's usually, like, the last mile of my, you know, morning run. So So you're burning. Yeah. Fighting for my life at
Joey Rosen:that point.
Drew Beech:So How many miles is that morning run usually?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Typically, it's 10 mile like, my my typical morning run is 10 miles.
Drew Beech:That's every day?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:6 days a week, I'm running at least 10 miles. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah. It's wild.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah.
Joey Rosen:It's wild. But every time I see you, like, I am reminded of the energy that our community has, you know, seeing you running the streets of Philly. To me, you are pretty much a Philadelphian, but you're not from Philadelphia. From New upstate New York. Upstate New York.
Joey Rosen:Right? Okay.
Drew Beech:About that.
Joey Rosen:Well, we're gonna accept you as an honorary Philadelphian. Right? We're gonna accept you.
Drew Beech:You are proud to be a fill like, now you love Philly.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right? I feel like you're absolutely, have adopted the Philadelphia Yeah. Lifestyle and It suits
Joey Rosen:it's exciting. It suits you well, mate. It suits you it suits you well. It suits you well. So let's talk about, the come up.
Joey Rosen:Right? So you are a very familiar face in the community. Many Eagles know you. You're, not just from your achievements and your accomplishments in, athletics or running, but also you're you're here often shooting and modeling. Right?
Joey Rosen:So, very recognizable face, in the community. But let's talk, let's talk a little bit about, the come up. Right? So the come up is, as we talk about it on the fuel hunt show, is what you've overcome to become who you are now. Right?
Joey Rosen:So I mentioned in the intro kinda at the end, that, you're in recovery, which I'm sure we'll touch on. Before we get there, let's go all the way back to the beginning. Upstate New York, what's it like for Kellen growing up in the town that you're from in upstate New York?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So growing up, when I was in it, I felt like it was, like, a completely normal way to grow up. Right? Because you don't know anything different kinda coming up. I played sports.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I was a wrestler. I played baseball. I was never into running or track and field.
Joey Rosen:So that was gonna be my question. It was, like, running So no running. Other sports, but no running. Correct. Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Nothing endurance related at all. Just kinda like your everyday, you know, sports that you're introduced to as a kid.
Joey Rosen:Got you.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Kinda just hanging around a neighborhood, like we were talking about kind of out on my bike for 12 to 15 hours a day.
Joey Rosen:That was a.
Drew Beech:I said earlier that you knew where your friends were just by going on the sidewalk, and you would see the the 20 bugs pilot. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. Yeah. I never, growing up yet, my mom was never worried about where I was at. I kinda just had the freedom to, you know, do as I do as I please.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. It was different a little bit of a different world then. You know?
Drew Beech:Was your was your dad around, or was it your mom?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So my dad so getting into that, my mom and my my dad cheated on his wife with my mom, got my mom pregnant. So I was, yeah, I came out of that. I was obviously, like, kind of the mistake Yeah. Quote unquote. So there was always a weird dynamic there.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:My mom was essentially a single mom, so she would drop me off at his house as, like, day care Wow. During the during the week. And that was kind of just, like, where I think, like, the anxiety and not feeling, like, accepted in my own skin started because my stepmom was just not really accepting. Yeah. You know?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:There was always kinda just like a feeling of, like, you don't belong here.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Different, we got into it real quick. Different different circumstances, but I know that feeling of not belonging, being in a room full of people that smile at you, and it's normal. You know, like normal human interaction. But having that feeling deep down that you don't belong, I know that feeling really, really well, man.
Joey Rosen:So, that really resonates with me. I I I know that well. Like I said, different circumstances, but I understand exactly what you're talking about. So I can imagine then that as you continue to experience that throughout your childhood, it drove you down some paths that you didn't foresee yourself going down. That's what now I'm assuming from your question.
Drew Beech:I was just genuinely curious. Yeah. Like, because he he was talking about his mom and being a single mom. I was just curious if if that because we'll get into the story, but I believe that in a lot of these stories that I that we hear on on the show and and the community of the few, like, a lot of these individuals lack of of a strong father figure, and that's why and I like, god bless my dad's soul, but he I strive to be the father to my kid. I am the I know you and and you as well.
Drew Beech:Like, we didn't have strong father figure. You you had one eventually, right, but not in the beginning. And I think that's why we strive to be the dads we never had. You know what I mean? Like, it's so important to me to raise a strong man and and be the the dad that I wish I had
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah.
Drew Beech:That would teach me
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:how to
Drew Beech:swing a hammer, tie a tie. You know what I mean? Like
Joey Rosen:Yep. Yep.
Drew Beech:All that important all those important life lessons that I just never really got. So I would that that was really just me
Joey Rosen:Picking up on it. Yeah. Exactly. See that in each other. We do.
Joey Rosen:We we definitely see it in each other. So that that feeling, as we're now all 3 of us are aware, we know the feeling really well. And, we know what it can paths that it can drive us down. So I'm assuming that at some point in your childhood or adolescence that it took you down a path you didn't expect?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. Well, I think that it was a mix of, you know, multiple things that played a role in it. I mean, my dad was also just, like, verbally I don't wanna say I mean, he was borderline verbally abusive. You know? He just wasn't, like, super welcoming, so it got to the point where I just didn't wanna spend time Sure.
Drew Beech:You
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:know, with my stepmom and my father. It was just like, I just wanna stay with my mom. Yeah. You know?
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah.
Drew Beech:Was there other kids at that house that you went to?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:There was. So I have, I have an older sister who's just older by a couple years, so she was there. And then, ironically, like, my stepmom ran a daycare also. Oh. So, like, there was other kids that were there, being, like, sat by her.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Mhmm.
Joey Rosen:Where it
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:just was just, like, a generally unhealthy environment to be in. Sure. Like, it wasn't I wouldn't send my daughter.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know, there I wouldn't want my daughter to be in that situation.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. We I think we've we've all learned some we we've learned some things along the way, right, that, like Drew speaking to have now been tools in our toolbox to be better fathers to our children.
Drew Beech:One quick point to that. It's crazy one thing I've learned later in my journey of life is how important environment is. Mhmm. Like, I am so, conscious of the environment that is my home and and the environments that I work in and certain the people I surround myself with that I had I've had to remove myself from in the past because that kind of toxic environment, like, the if you look at a goldfish, it's not gonna thrive in in a dirty tank of water. Yep.
Drew Beech:So neither are we in life. Right? So, it was so important for me to remove myself from certain toxic situations because they were manifesting, in my physical health and mental health. You that actually happens. Yeah.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah. We're we're at a point, like you know, if you talk about present day, right, we're we're jumping around a little bit in time. But if we time travel to present day, like I said at the beginning of the show, your husband, your father, you have a beautiful wife, you have a beautiful daughter. Right?
Joey Rosen:You're, an accomplished athlete.
Drew Beech:Right.
Joey Rosen:You're you're doing things athletically that people literally think that they could never do. Like, they could never ever accomplish accomplish. And they're saying you do this. Now you're very vocal about the obstacles that you've overcome and how you've transformed yourself, but I've gotta imagine there's people that see ultra running Callan and think, well, you know, must've grew up a runner, you know, had a family that supported him, always felt like he could do big things and belonged. You know, they they don't know.
Joey Rosen:And so much about our community and the show and the stories of the few, which you had done previously, you know, story of the few, is showing everyone what the come up story really looks like, the overcoming Mhmm. To become. You know?
Drew Beech:I agree. And we can jump forward to the one thing that stood out, his tattoo on his leg. I believe you had come is this story correct that you came across and our Instagram page, and that hit you so hard in in in your feels that that you were inspired to get that tattoo. Is that how that worked?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Or did you I mean, I just it's it just spoke to, you know, it spoke to me. Okay. It, like, it like you say, it resonated with me, like, to my core. So I was like, why not throw that on the shin? You know?
Joey Rosen:Yeah. On
Drew Beech:the shin.
Joey Rosen:I'll never I'll never forget. Like, I think Kyle shot you.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah.
Joey Rosen:And he shot you running on the Schuylkill River River Trail. And MG, at the time, she sent me the the shots. And she was like, oh my god. Like, you'll never believe Callan has a few of them tattoo, like, on his shin. And I'm like, no.
Drew Beech:I thought it was coincidence. I know. I thought you'd already, like, live by that mantra. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Drew Beech:I didn't realize it was the inspiration behind, but you had already met MG. Correct?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So I hadn't met her in person. She had, like, reached out through Instagram, but there wasn't a connection through, John Sullivan.
Drew Beech:Okay.
Joey Rosen:Wow. Yes.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. His wife is, like, her sister's best friend or something. Okay.
Joey Rosen:Alright. Alright. Alright. So then that that explains it. Well, now a couple minutes in, I don't know how many minutes we are into the show.
Joey Rosen:Now we realize probably why the content, the message, and the community that we created resonates so well with you because there's pieces.
Drew Beech:Yeah.
Joey Rosen:We all share similar pieces of our history
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:and Absolutely.
Joey Rosen:Childhood. So so let's let's go let's go back to to growing up. You're in sports. Right? You have some challenges when it comes to family and the feelings that you're trying to process as a as a young man.
Joey Rosen:You're in high school. What's high school look like? Still active
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:in sports? Very active, especially, like, early on in high school. Yeah. I love to play baseball, and I love to wrestle. And, I was I started early in high school, I started to dabble with, like, smoking weed a little bit, drinking a little bit.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:At that point, it was just normal experimental stuff.
Joey Rosen:Sure.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I on one end, like, my father's side was chaotic. On my mom's side, especially, like, my extended family and my mom's side, specifically my aunts, were super loving. They had a place on the river that was, like, an escape for me. I would do a lot of fishing there, and it was, like, somewhere where I could be myself. I felt safe.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And, yeah, everything was good. Their house was flooded. At the beginning of my sophomore year, everything was destroyed. So that, escape was just like
Joey Rosen:Took Dave and away from you Yeah. That you were yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yep. And while all that was going down or right around that same time, I lost my dad passed away. And then I also had another loss in family. My uncle Greg, passed from liver disease. So it was just kinda just, like, 3 hits Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right away on top of, like, just being a sophomore in
Joey Rosen:high school. I was gonna say, like, you were all, like, young man, high school stuff. You know what I mean? Just like adolescent, teenage stuff, and then you're getting hit over the head with loss. Not just loss of loved ones, but loss of your haven, really.
Joey Rosen:Right? Like a place that you could go to be yourself, you know, that you felt you belonged in, I'm assuming.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. I mean, here, you know, in the neighborhood around here while you were in upstate New York and the neighborhood around here in Philly, like, it's the same type of thing. Like, you know, kids in my neighborhood started experimenting really early, like 12. You know? Even before high school with, drugs and alcohol.
Joey Rosen:You know? Smoking weed, drinking, you know, stealing schnapps from their grandpop's liquor cabinet.
Drew Beech:You know
Joey Rosen:what I mean? So, yeah, I I think that, I understand, the picture, and I think most of the few do because it's common nowadays. I'm assuming that the 1, 2, 3 combo that you were hit with maybe accelerated the experimentation a bit. Is that the
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So after or while, really, all that stuff is going down is we're just, like, cranked up the volume. It went from just, like, I'll say, quote, unquote, like, normal experimentation to, like, daily usage. And, you know, we grew up in a time where opiates were available. Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, when I came to school in the morning, it was just a bowable. You know? I there's a medicine cabinet. I could take my pick. So,
Joey Rosen:That's from I mean, I I'm assuming it's the same situation in your your neck of the woods, but, like, here, what was happening was they were available because they were prescribed to members of our family.
Drew Beech:Mhmm.
Joey Rosen:And then 1 or 2 things were happening. Kids in school were raiding, you know, their parents' medicine cabinets, or kids in school were raiding the medicine cabinets of their friends' parents, essentially. Like, they were getting a hold of it. There were some instances where, like, kids in my school were breaking in homes to steal pills, essentially. But, they were there.
Joey Rosen:They were there here too, man. Like, it was it was the beginning where we were kinda in the throes of it, actually, but it was much not that it's tamed now, but it was it was super untamed of the opioid epidemic, really. Right?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I mean, everybody was like, they just kinda weren't aware of it. Yeah. Everyone was just ignorant of what was happening at the time. Like, it was a lot of overprescription prescription or overprescribing. And, yeah, I even had some parents that were, like, just selling us their stuff.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know what I mean? It was like, I have this my my one buddy growing up, his one mom specifically, like, single handedly, you know, played a big role in, like, my addiction. Not saying it's her fault, but, like, she played a big role in in the ending of
Joey Rosen:The, like, the sale of them to you guys. Yeah. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And it wasn't just like
Drew Beech:That's crazy.
Joey Rosen:It's wild.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, hey. I have them. It was like, yeah. I need you to get rid of these. Like, here, take these.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, I you know?
Joey Rosen:And your your school being the market. Right. Wow. So that's where that's where your your journey began then, I would say, right, of of addiction? Yeah.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And I just, I didn't have any idea what I was getting myself into.
Joey Rosen:Mhmm.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know, at 14 years old, it was almost like this it sounds sick, but, like, it was almost cool to say, like, yum. I'm dope sick, or, like, yum. I'm having withdrawals. It was, like, a status.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yep. And it was kind of when I was in high school, like, it was kind of manageable early on. You know, I wasn't, like, completely off the deep end where some of my buddies did go to treatment, like, in high school. I will say I kind of, quote, unquote, had a handle on it at that point. I really didn't.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I just didn't really have the money to, like, fuel the usage that that have sent me over the end. You know what I mean?
Joey Rosen:Yeah. It's funny how the phrase, even like you say in the phrase, I could see the calculation going on in your head of, like, I have a handle on it. Like, it's like, you know, I'm like a functioning alcoholic or whatever. You know? And, like, alcoholism runs through our family.
Joey Rosen:And, you know, I've heard that term a lot. Like, you know, I've got control of it. You know? And even for me in my own experience, I've recently stopped drinking. Crazy story is I was just going to not drink for this year.
Joey Rosen:You know? And I started getting some messages once I put that message out there, and people were like, this is great. Like, you're never gonna drink again. Like, blah blah blah. So I'm like, now I'm sober for life.
Joey Rosen:You know what I mean? So now I'm sober for life. But even in my own experience, like, I went through a time where I was binge drinking. You know, you're talking about 10 years ago or so, maybe even a little longer than that. Got myself into trouble, man.
Joey Rosen:You know? And I always had that mindset of, like, well, I'm I'm drinking on Friday night Saturday night, and that's it. Like, the rest of the week, I'm not drinking at all.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So, like, I gotta hold on this. Like Yeah.
Joey Rosen:Or what I learned through the you know, like like I said, I got myself into some trouble. You know? I did some classes, did some things, you know, went to some meetings and, like, what I learned was as soon as it starts to affect your life, like, you have a problem. Like, you no longer have the wheel. No.
Joey Rosen:Bro, like, that's the biggest thing that I took away from all of my experiences. I was like, dude, I don't have the wheel here. Like, I'm I don't have a handle on this. The minute it affects my life negatively, there's a problem. Exactly.
Joey Rosen:You know? So I saw that calculation in you when you started talking, and I'm like, I I recognized it.
Drew Beech:You know? It's crazy that as a society, we've just accepted poisoning ourselves and, like, literally being drunk is just the effects of being poisoned mildly.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Drew Beech:Yeah. So we've just accepted poisoning. Like, alcohol is literal poison to our bodies, but we've somehow made it we normalized it.
Joey Rosen:And if
Drew Beech:you if you pass all on the drinks, it's like, oh, is everything okay?
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah.
Drew Beech:Exactly. You're you're not having fun anymore.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Which I feel like it's getting better as the generations move on. Like, our parents were had a different a completely different mindset on drinking and using than than I do now. You know? Mhmm. I would much rather, you know, get in the cold plunge and sauna for you know?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. Exactly. 5 minutes to an hour. I mean, yep. Don't make up hungover.
Drew Beech:Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You just feel amazing. Just get high
Joey Rosen:on life. Yep. Yeah. Yep.
Drew Beech:That's the truth. I mean, I I've experienced and despite the time we moved to some, but through meditation and meditative practices, like, do you have some transcendental or or high, like, high experience experiences out of body experiences?
Joey Rosen:1 and I don't Cal, when you tell me, but one thing I think it's like a stigma or, like, something that people don't recognize or or realize is, like, when you go through an addiction, regardless of how deep the addiction is, it changes your chemistry, like who you are, your reactions to certain situations. Like, it changes your brain chemistry. Absolutely. And this is what you're describing, the same type of experience or changes can be experienced through positive habits as well. Like, you I think that's kinda like
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:No. That
Drew Beech:is exactly what I'm saying. You can have those experiences through a lot of different modalities, or it could be the running or the cold plunge or the sauna, pushing past that point of comfort. Right? Like, sitting down for a meditation and connecting with your actual your subconscious mind Mhmm.
Joey Rosen:Is
Drew Beech:an uncomfortable process because you have to go through
Joey Rosen:All that other stuff.
Drew Beech:Of the the monkey mind, all that stuff that you wanna think about or that's bothering you or plaguing you at the time being and actually get to that clear meditative state.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Mhmm.
Drew Beech:So that's what yes.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:That's what I'm saying. Yes.
Joey Rosen:So there's a there's a point where you're like, you're thinking, hey. I gotta handle on this. Like, you know, things are this is normal. Right? You gotta handle on this.
Joey Rosen:When does it change?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So after high school, I would say I think I was, like, 18. So I graduated high school when I was 17. So I was probably, like, 19. Mhmm. And just the use of painkillers nasally and storing them went out the window, and I was introduced to IV use.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And I was also introduced to just, like, the heavier painkillers, like, from the Vicodin and Percocet to, like, the OxyContin and Opana.
Joey Rosen:Mhmm.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And that's when I seen, like, the the big jump in where I was, like, really introduced to, like, that, like, addiction, like, addictive behavior. Like, I was taking stuff to the pawnshop. Like, I was willing to, by any means necessary, feel better.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know? Like, that's where it, like, turned into, like, the animalistic behavior and shit got real. Like the manic Yeah.
Joey Rosen:Type Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. That's where that's where it got real.
Joey Rosen:When you were so that was post high school. Right?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah.
Joey Rosen:When you were in high school, you mentioned that some of your friends or people that you knew went into treatment. Did you lose people in high school as well? Did any
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I hadn't lost any of my close friends in high school. After high school, it started to happen really quickly.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, I can't count on my hands and toes how many, like, friends or, like, people that I was using with closely
Joey Rosen:Yep. Aren't here anymore. There's gotta be a part of you today that says and, you know, we'll get into, you know, maybe your the ordeal of your hero's journey, like, one specific spot that I know of your story that sticks out and how Cas played a role in getting you through that helping you through that part of your journey. But then when you're going through that leg of the journey, were there people that helped your friends get into treatment? Did they go on their own volition?
Joey Rosen:Did you, at that point, say, like, look. Like, they're not like me? Like, did you think you had a handle on it and, like, you didn't need treatment at that time? Like, how did the treatment go in high school? Like, how did
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:they enter? Most of most of the people that went to treatment in high school was their parents, and it wasn't because these kids were like, oh, I need to go to treatment. Yeah. It was like the world was coming crashing down, and it was like they got caught. You know?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Essentially, it was like, hands up. You know? I'll do whatever I have to do so that my mom and dad don't hate me.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And in my mind at the time, I was, like, kind of pondering with the idea of, like, I don't really know how I'm gonna stop
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Doing this because, like, I there had been times where I was like, okay. Maybe I'll just try to put these down for a couple days and see how it goes.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And I would maybe last a day or 2 or even there was times where I would last a week or 2, but, like, I would always circle back to, you know, being back in the same hole Yep. And starting off right where I left off.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. I mean, that's I gotta imagine that's that's the cycle. So you graduate high school, things accelerate kind of again. Right? When is the so at some point, you enter treatment.
Joey Rosen:Right?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:First time I entered treatment, I was, like, I think, 20 20 years old.
Joey Rosen:Okay. It
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:was a, just a a I say just. It was a detox in Buffalo, New York, Erie Hospital.
Joey Rosen:In a hospital. Okay.
Drew Beech:Now did something happen to get you there? Your mom never caught you, or is your mom just not
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So minding up? I got caught up at this point. My mom like, someone had called I had robbed somebody. Mhmm. And the person then called my mom who was like, you know, Callan has a bunch of rigs, which are syringes
Drew Beech:Mhmm.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:In this spot in this room. Like, you know, my mom went upstairs, found them.
Joey Rosen:Lo and behold. Right there.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:When I came home, it was kinda like, you know, intervention. Mhmm.
Drew Beech:So she had no idea up until this point?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So I feel like as a mom, she knew something was going on. I think she was just kind of, you know, in denial of the whole thing and kinda just didn't wanna think that, oh, my son would never do that.
Drew Beech:Ignorance is bliss, essentially. Exactly.
Joey Rosen:Plus it's different time. Like you said, there's different mindset around these things, and there was a, like, a lurking monster of an epidemic that was not as as obvious as it is today, I think. Right? Yeah. So you so you head into hospital treat treatment hospital detox.
Joey Rosen:Do you what happens? I mean, do you successfully go through a detox?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So the first time I went to treatment, I lasted 24 hours. I signed myself out. I was 4 hours from home.
Joey Rosen:Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I signed myself out of treatment and to to leave the hospital in Buffalo, New York in February. If you know how you think about Buffalo.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. In February? Yes. I do. Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So my brother lives in Buffalo. That's why I ended up going to Buffalo. He took me to the treatment center and was like, yo. You know, I'll see you in 5 days or whatever the detox was. And,
Drew Beech:Your stepbrother? What's that? Is he your stepbrother? Half brother. Half brother.
Joey Rosen:Half brother. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Same dad, different mom. So, like, I had got for some reason, these people let me use the phone.
Joey Rosen:Oh. So I'm,
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:like, in the room, like, call my girlfriend at the time, like, yeah. You gotta come pick me up. Like, you
Joey Rosen:know, I
Drew Beech:gotta get out of here.
Joey Rosen:Had a lift. This wasn't cash. Out. Yeah. You had a lift out of there.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:She was like, yeah. Yeah. We'll be on our way. This is 4 hours away. Meanwhile, she's, like, using heavily too.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, she doesn't have the means to drive to, you know, 4 hours in I mean, she thought she was gonna figure something out. She was never coming. Anyways, just happens that I was sitting outside waiting for them, and my brother, like, came back in to check on me. Wow. And he was like, yo.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:What are you doing out here, bro? And I was like, they let me out. Oh, really? And, so I spent the rest of the time detoxing, at his place, which I was successful with. I stayed clean for,
Joey Rosen:like, 6
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:months. Yeah.
Joey Rosen:Wow.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:At his house. Yep. And it was kinda just like my brother was doing his best to play, like, a father figure role at the time Mhmm. Which he did a great job with. He just didn't realize what he was up against.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know? Like, in his mind, I think he thought it was kinda just, like, a matter of just don't use. And, I mean, that's kinda what it is, but at the same time, it runs so much deeper than that. Like, your mind is constantly fighting against you. Mhmm.
Joey Rosen:You
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:know, it's trying to take you back Yep. Every chance it gets.
Joey Rosen:It's it's more of a it's it's not a it's not a discipline thing.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:It's a
Joey Rosen:how how did how did you're at his house. Like, how did you even how did he handle all the withdrawal symptoms and everything?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, did
Joey Rosen:you just, like, power through it?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. I mean yeah. Wow. It was tough, but, you know, after 5 to 7 days, like, most of the physical stuff
Joey Rosen:Mhmm.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Goes away. Like, you have trouble sleeping still.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:But outside, like, outside of that, most of the, like, chills, stomach stuff, like, that's out the window. So once you got over that, it was kinda just like, you know, let's get you a job. Let's get you moving. I got into the rooms of NA. Mhmm.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And I met some good people there, and I kind of hung on the best I could until, we made a trip back to Binghamton. Sure. Little did he know that as soon as I got back to Binghamton, like, I was on the phone, like
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know?
Drew Beech:So you got there, and then the familiar air started to creep back in.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I mean, I was already having reservations beef before I got back to Binghamton. Like, it was kinda just, like, the light at the end of the tunnel, which is sick to think that, like, that like, I was essentially, you know, I won't say cured, but I was healthy. Like, everything was going good. Like, I had opportunity. Mhmm.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:But the idea of getting high was still just outweighing the option to impact it high. Yeah. You know?
Joey Rosen:It's almost like you you powered through it. You saw the opportunity, but at the same time, like, the full spectrum change that's required hadn't been you hadn't walked that that path yet?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:No. I just don't think at that time that I was I just wasn't ready. Mhmm. You know, like, I hadn't hit the floor the way that I needed to hit the floor yet.
Joey Rosen:Sure. There's been there's time obviously between that detox and the moment that I know of where Cass intervened to help you complete the journey into who you are today. So there's some space in there that I don't know much about. I'm assuming that there were I'm assuming that there are multiple times that you went into treatment or detox again. Right?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So I've been to treatment 7 times. Yeah. I've been to I won't touch on them all. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Specifically, I had the experience of going to Florida or, like, the Delray Beach area. And so if you have any idea what goes on down there, they call it, like, the Florida mix up. It's essentially like an insurance scam Mhmm. That you get pulled into. This was my 3rd time going to treatment, and, yeah, I had no idea what I was walking into.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:My mom had no idea what she was signing me up for. It was just like my family was so desperate to get me help.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Any other option outside of what I was doing was going to be the fix. And,
Joey Rosen:so that I've had some friends that have went to that area, right, or Florida generally. And, like, from what I understand, I don't know much, you know, but from what I understand, there's some, like, there's some, like, legit treatment that goes down there, and then there's also some, like, basically, like, use I mean, basically, it's an insurance scam. Right? Is that accurate?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So it's a lot of fraud Yeah. Prostitution, you know, sales of drugs in these treatment facilities. It's basically, they get you down there, and then they try to keep you cycling through as many times as they can because every time you come back through that door They
Joey Rosen:bill.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Your insurance is paying. Yeah. They bill. So I ended up in that cycle for a few months, and, thankfully, I was able to get my way out of that. I started talking to a girl.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:She offered me an opportunity to come to her place in Virginia.
Joey Rosen:Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And I got into Suboxone maintenance Okay. At the time. And that was kind of my way out of the Florida the Florida mix up. And the Suboxone maintenance, honestly, it probably saved my life, you know, for the the time being.
Joey Rosen:So that's for, you know, the Eagles that are watching, listening that don't know, that's a that's a prescribed maintenance program. Right? Or prescribed prescribed maintenance where you were you were taking Suboxone, which quells or settles, like, withdrawal symptoms?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Basically, it has a blocker. An oxygen is a blocker, and then the buprenorphine, which it essentially gives you some of the satisfaction of using. It's not it's not, like, quite hard as hitting as, like, other prescription drugs, but, like, helps with anxiety, calms you. Like, you get the feeling, like, you've used.
Joey Rosen:Right. So it's and I don't wanna say it's similar in any way, shape, or form. I'm trying to draw a parallel for Eagles that may not be familiar, like, almost like like a like a nicotine patch or
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:something like that. Right? It's essentially damage control.
Joey Rosen:Right.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:It's, but I
Joey Rosen:gotta imagine it puts space. Maybe not the space you need in the long run, but it puts space between active addiction. Right? Like that and the space you need to enter recovery successfully.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Correct. It gave me an opportunity to, like, learn some life skills and, like, have a job and, like you said, create space between, like, the everyday ripping, running, animalistic behavior that addiction causes, and you can kind of give the perception like you're normal. That's also kind of the downfall of Suboxone also is that you feel like I'm cured
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:From good to bad.
Joey Rosen:Sure. So the you're in Virginia. You're, on this maintenance. I'm assuming you have a do you have a job? Are you working?
Joey Rosen:Right? You're doing some things?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I was into construction at the time.
Joey Rosen:Doing some construction. Does how do you find so you're you're kinda you went from New York to Florida to Virginia. It seems like you're making your way back to Philadelphia. Right?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah.
Joey Rosen:To to the present day. So what happens in Virginia to bring you back here, essentially?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So, really, I was offered a job up here with the same company. There was just a different opportunity up here. My employer in Virginia started to see some of my behaviors. Like, I was still partying, essentially, not as hard and with the same stuff, but, like, he could tell, like, okay. This guy can kinda get out of control.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So he was like, listen. Maybe we'll just get him away from here.
Joey Rosen:The friends that you had at the time or the relationship that you were in, that was they were partying too? Like, this Yes. So you were just together?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right. And it wasn't it wasn't
Joey Rosen:smoking, smoking, whatever? Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So, I was offered the job up here, kind of trying to change people, places, and things.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. So they were, in a way, looking out for you?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Oh, absolutely. My employer at the time did so much for me. He was, like, you know, a blessing.
Joey Rosen:That's awesome, man. Because it's not something you can do alone.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right.
Joey Rosen:You know what I mean? And to have someone in your corner like that, that's that's awesome. Did you, at the time, think you needed it, the change? Or was it something that he or she came to your employer and said, hey. Like, I think this is good for you at this time.
Joey Rosen:Like, go do it.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:It wasn't given to me like that, really. It wasn't served up to me. Like, yeah. We're helping you out. It was kinda like he knew what he was doing, but, like, I didn't see what's going on.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I was just like, okay. Like, a cool new job up until it all feel like Sure. It's me, like, yo, this is gonna be great. You know? You make more money.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, here here you go.
Joey Rosen:Sure.
Drew Beech:That's great.
Joey Rosen:Okay. Alright. So then you make your way you make your way up here. So do you stay on maintenance when you come up here?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yes. So that's kind of where things got a little dicey because, I was still using the same doctor I had in Virginia
Joey Rosen:k.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:While I was here. So every month
Joey Rosen:of January When you were here, it was kinda like a temporary. Like, you had a job, but, like
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. I'm
Joey Rosen:assuming you were building something, and once said thing was built, like, you would go back to home base?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right. So I was still connected to Virginia. Like, I had a girlfriend in Virginia, so I would go back there once a month.
Joey Rosen:Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And, yeah, that was the idea. Once we finished the project that we had going here, like, we'll go back to Virginia. Mhmm. And after some time had passed, I realized that I wasn't going back to Virginia, and my opportunities to get back to the doctor kinda started to wither away.
Joey Rosen:Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So, you know, I got the bright ideas, and that it's like Yeah.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Like,
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I know how to fix this. Yeah. You know? Like And
Joey Rosen:you probably know just the place.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right. And I slowly started to, like, go back and forth between my suboxone and using again. K.
Joey Rosen:Alright. So this is, so you're in Philly where you're in, yeah, you're in Philly at this time. So it's no secret, you know, where you need to go if you're gonna start to, you know, head back to your old habits, and you're still on maintenance and relapsed a bit. Is this how many times have you been through treatment up until this point? So is what I guess what I'm asking is is the next time you go into treatment, was that your last time?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yes.
Joey Rosen:Okay. Alright. So then we're we're coming up onto present present day. Right? So what happens?
Joey Rosen:I'm assuming at some point during your time here, you meet Cas.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So, I was actually in that time where I was still in between the Suboxone and using, And I went to a music festival down in Baltimore, Moonrise Music Festival, where I had met Cass previously, and we connected there before. Oh. And some of my friends were going to a party that she was having at her house, you know, pregame. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And we connected there, and we, you know, had a good time. And I was able to play it off well enough. Like, I was, you know, stable enough in my life where she was like you know, we started talking again and started to reconnect. Mhmm. So I then started to make the journey back to Baltimore.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know? At first, it was, like, every weekend, I was excited to go down there. Okay. I still had my Suboxone so I could, like, piece together at the time.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And then as time went on, like, it was getting harder and harder for me to, like, even leave, you know, the 2 mile radius of my house because, like, I need to use. Sure. You know? So I would start to be like, hey. I'm gonna come down, and then I wouldn't show, or I would yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:She started to realize, like, something's not right.
Joey Rosen:Sure. Did she know that you were actively addicted in your past? Did she know?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So I let her know that
Drew Beech:dick. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Listen. This is what I've had going on. Mhmm. She was just still naive to what that looked like. You know?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Because as an addict, like, I was smart enough to let her in, but not let her in Yeah. You know, not too much.
Drew Beech:Yep. Yeah. And sounds like she was kind of in a party phase too, so she wasn't maybe as concerned with the to the extent of what this could be. Right.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah. So this is where, you know, we come to the the point of your story that I'm familiar with from your stories of the feeling which you've shared with us before, I assume. There's some things Cass is picking up on some things. Just something's off.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. You know? You're you're not showing when you say you're gonna show. You know? Schedule's getting a little erratic.
Joey Rosen:I'm assuming that you were some of those tendencies were starting to come back and creep out.
Drew Beech:Question. So when you would say, I'm coming down to Baltimore to visit you, and you would just not show up, you would just be high and not answering her if she was reaching out to you, like, it was that bad?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. It got to the point where she would, like, she would have my location on her phone, and, like, there's a few times where she, like, came to find me.
Drew Beech:Oh, yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know? And I was, like, in a motel somewhere in, like, halfway halfway in between Philly and Baltimore where I just, like, thought it was a good idea to, like, you know, score some crack on my way there. Like, oh, I'll just get some crack and drive down
Joey Rosen:to
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Baltimore,
Joey Rosen:you
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:know, and then we'll hang out when we're there with like, I would, you know, get off track halfway through and end up in a in a motel somewhere.
Drew Beech:2 things. It's crazy how disoriented you are. Like, the count of today would never think that was a good idea. And, also, second, kudos to Casp for literally seeing that on the phone, and they, like because you're not her your husband at that point. You're just a guy she's dating.
Drew Beech:So it shows you that she must have really loved you and, obviously, till this day does, that she literally would get in the car and go find you. Absolutely.
Joey Rosen:So these are some pieces of your story and your story together with Cas that I didn't know.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right.
Joey Rosen:You know, I know of the moment, you know, and we'll talk about that where, you know, she called you. But I did not know that, you know, she was by your side like this way before that moment.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Oh, yeah. Cash had been, like Yeah. I'd put Cash through it. Yeah. You know, like, although she wasn't there with me, like, she wasn't, like, living with me at the time, like, she was still getting, like, the residual effects of, you know, loving someone who is suffering with a disease of addiction 100%.
Joey Rosen:Yep. Yep. And in some in some ways, the not knowing, you know, like, she knows that you're suffering, you're in pain, and you're struggling with the disease, but you're using and some of that animalistic behavior. Like, she doesn't know where you are and what you're doing. She just knows that you're not there with her.
Drew Beech:Right.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You're
Joey Rosen:in 2 different geographical locations. You know?
Drew Beech:It is one a a testament to everything we preach. If you want, it's, like, on the other side of that pain and what seems like a never ending struggle is so much happiness and power. Because if you look at the life you guys are living today, I mean, just from a friend and a a bystander, you guys are like, have a beautiful family, like, amazing energy. Like, I always say Kelton is one of the few people I've met that can truly brighten the room just by walking in it. You know what I mean?
Joey Rosen:Absolutely.
Drew Beech:And you feel it when he's there. Uh-huh. I told you that. And Yeah. It kudos to her for sticking through it, and, like, she's living the fruits of the labor of of being, like, I'm gonna believe in this this kid or
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right. I mean, how many people No. Stand I mean, not even like, my family. Mhmm. You know, like, people that are supposed to stick through that, you know, like, stuck by me.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, I've everybody wrote wrote me off.
Joey Rosen:It's I feel it's often the people that you don't expect, you know, that are gonna weather that storm with you. I mean, you both Drew says, you know, kudos to you both. Like, you both had to pass through the gates of hell to get to where you are right now. You know? You, especially.
Joey Rosen:So, you know, much respect. And you're
Drew Beech:you'll get the beautiful family you have now by going through some things.
Joey Rosen:Much much respect to you, man, for for not only doing that and coming out alive on the other side, but having the courage and the bravery to sit here today and and tell this story. I knew that we were gonna get into some things today. I didn't think we were gonna get into them as soon as we did early on, but we were gonna get into some things and, wow. And, like, I know that every member of the community, regardless of what their struggle or addiction is at the moment, can see hope in you and can see light in you. And I think that's the light we see when you step into the room and you light it up.
Joey Rosen:You know? That's that's you've passed through all that darkness, literally, like the gates of hell, I would assume. If that's not an accurate depiction or metaphor, you tell me. But, like, to to be able to shine the way you do today, man, you had to really pass through some darkness, and I had no idea Cas was there for for she was there for much more of it than I than I was aware. So you so, you know, now you're going through it.
Joey Rosen:Right? Like, the animal's coming back. Right? And we'll get into maybe towards the end of the show, come tie this up in a little bit, but the animal never leaves, I would assume. You know?
Joey Rosen:It's always there, and it's something that you have to be acutely aware of that that the animal's always there. The addiction is always there. You know? It's something you have to constantly keep at bay, but she's helping you, right, in this situation where the animal's coming back. And it reaches a tipping point where it seems as though you feel as you have no more hope or no other options.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right. I had just been through it so many times at this point. Mhmm. Like, the up and down of, like, everyone around you, like, letting them down.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know, like, I had enough of telling my mom, like, yo. I'm using again. Like, I had enough of letting everybody know that, yeah, I fucked up. Like, like, the shame and the guilt that comes along with making the mistake of picking up again is just it's, like, gut wrenching. I still I have dreams to this day of, like, that feeling of, like Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, the panic and the anxiety of, like, I fucked up. Like, in the dream, like, I have no idea how I got there. It's just like
Joey Rosen:You're there. Right. That's what I mean. Like, you I social media is a great tool, and it's a great thing. Brought us together, right, today, here.
Joey Rosen:But it's also, in some ways, a highlight reel. Right? And, bro, you got a great smile. You've got great energy. You do great things.
Joey Rosen:You got a beautiful family, and people see that on social. And I I bet they think that you still you don't have those types of dreams anymore, that type of panic. Like, you don't feel it anymore, but you've confirmed for them that you do. You know? It's and that's kinda what I was trying to get at when I explained the animal.
Joey Rosen:Like, it's always there. And I feel like you you're just like, there's probably some days where you just have to pitchfork it. Like, you know, you have a dream, you wake up, and you're like, you know, fuck. Like, you know, and and just subdue it, really. So you get to a point where you were no longer able to say the words, you know, I'm using again or what you feel as though this is like rock rock bottom, I'm assuming.
Joey Rosen:You're in Baltimore at the time. Right? Yeah. I Driving back.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. I made the trip down to Baltimore.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:It was actually one of those weekends where I told Cas I'd be there at a certain time, and, like, I had got, you know, off the Sidetrack. I'd got sidetracks. Exactly. And, I spent, like, my entire paycheck, which I needed to, like, you know, have per day so that I could go to work and kind
Joey Rosen:of function. You have a life, dude. You have a job. You have a place you're living. You're like, you have fights.
Joey Rosen:You had
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:some things going on. Right?
Joey Rosen:So, like,
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:yeah, things just went sideways. And
Joey Rosen:is this assault like, when you're making these trips, you're getting I know sidetracks are really soft word to to use. But when you're getting sidetracked, right, and you're you're letting the animal take the wheel, right, that animalistic behavior, like, are you doing the are these solo missions, or do you have Yeah. Yeah. They're solo missions.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So I had a buddy that I was living with at the time, but I would go to Baltimore on my own.
Joey Rosen:Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And, like, oftentimes, when I got away from my homie Potter at the time, the decisions I made got a lot worse.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah.
Drew Beech:That's a long drive too just to be sitting there
Joey Rosen:thinking. Your thoughts, like, listening to music that you listened to before. That could be a trigger, and you're passing through hot zones. And I know it's 2 miles from me if I get off this exit.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:This is
Joey Rosen:where, like, you know, I haven't been there, but I've had friends that have been. And I I get it, like, from the stories and the things that they've told me and the behaviors that I've seen them exhibit over the years. I understand.
Drew Beech:I think we kinda cut them off in the story, though.
Joey Rosen:So you're coming you're you're coming back. You're
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So I got I would I was using a lot at the time, so I'd do, like, 1500, $1800. And so, like, that shame and guilt set in. The anxiety starts to set in. And I had already been having thoughts of, like, suicide.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Mhmm. Because, like, I seen, like, my options starting to run out. I'd burned so many bridges, and, like, I I could see my fate coming. Like, I knew it was either going to be the old saying, either jail, institution, like rehab, or death. You know?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And, I just didn't feel like I had it in me to do the other 2. Like, I I wasn't, like, built to go to jail. I wasn't at like, the looking at the mountain of recovery at the time, like, I just couldn't, conceive, like, living without getting high at the time because, like, I mean, it's really the only thing I had known, you know, for the last 12 years of my life is just using. Mhmm. So I had, like, had that bad weekend.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I was at Cassius House. I remember we were watching, a packers, a cowboys playoff game. And we went out to eat, and she was like, dude, what's going on with you? Like, what's going on? I was just brushing her off.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I was kinda just quiet. We ate, and I was like, alright.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know, I'm gonna get going now. It was, like, late on a Sunday night, and I had to work Mhmm. The next morning. So I was like, alright. I'm gonna get out of here just that entire time thinking when I get to the bridge over 95 that crosses the Susquehanna River, I was just going to pull my truck over and then jump off.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:And, like, I got my car. I was headed back home just kind of, like, having that anxiety of, like, thinking about doing it Yeah. But kind of, at the same time, being, like, relieved that, like, you know, all the stuff was gonna come to an end. And Cas called me and was like, just to reiterate again, like, yo,
Joey Rosen:dude, what's
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:going on? And Like,
Joey Rosen:she didn't she didn't let go. Right. Like, you know what
Drew Beech:I mean?
Joey Rosen:Believe you. Right. Yeah. She didn't she didn't let go.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So when she asked that the final time, I just kinda, like, broke down. Yeah. You know? I was like, yo. This is what's going on.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I don't feel like I can tell anybody else. Like, I don't know what to do. Like, this is the the mountain that I'm up against right now.
Joey Rosen:Yep. So she was she was coming to you. Like, she wanted to help. Like, she didn't come to you. It's not like she gave you an ultimatum when you were watching the game.
Joey Rosen:Like, hey. Tell me what's going on or else. You're like, this is over. She, like, repeatedly just kept coming to you. Like, look.
Joey Rosen:Like, my instincts tell me something's wrong, and I wanna help.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right.
Joey Rosen:And that's what she did again when she made that call, thankfully, before you pulled your truck over.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right.
Joey Rosen:So did you go to treatment right away after that? So it
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:got a little dicey there for a bit because I didn't have insurance at the time. And with, like, the whole insurance and treatment deal going on in the United States, like, it gets really complicated getting into a bad you know, it's not something where you can just be like, okay. I'm ready to go to rehab now. Like, I'm ready to get better, and they just, like, let you in the door. Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:It was about another month. I had come clean to everybody at this point, which was a huge relief
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:By the way. Like, that was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Like, yo, this is what I got going on. I'm willing to go to treatment, so, like, let's make a plan. Let's make this happen.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So that's what we did. We started to chip away at it. My bosses at the time were, like, kind of giving me an allowance per day
Drew Beech:Okay.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Essentially because, like, I needed to go to work. Like, I needed to make money, and, like, I was using, like, 45 bags of dope a day at this point. So there was I was shooting a bundle of dope at a time Yeah. Which, like, for reference, like, I've lost a lot of friends to a single Yes. Dope.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yes. So, like, I was using heavily at the time. Oh, the fact that
Drew Beech:you were
Joey Rosen:here the fact that you you you live through that
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Right.
Joey Rosen:Is crazy. Why?
Drew Beech:During a workday, what would that how would that work like, how would that go off?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:It would depend. Usually, in the morning, I'd use, like, 2 or 3 bags, you know, just kinda push off. I'd be able to go to work, get done when I needed to do a couple bags in, like, throughout the day. Like, I'd take a break Yeah. Use.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know? And I was, like, I was, doing apartment renovations at the time, so it's not like I had someone that was, like, overwatching me. Like, I was I was responsible for, you know, renovating 2 apartments. I had a guy working for me, so we were basically, you know,
Joey Rosen:on our own. Freedom.
Drew Beech:And you were a good would they say you were a good boy at the time?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Well, I would work hard. Like, I have that, like, this part. Like, no matter if I'm using or not, like, I just have, like, that hard work. If you give me a task to do, like, I'm gonna hit hit it hard.
Drew Beech:Wild to think about. That's
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah. So I'm assuming when you went in then to treatment for the last time, you had that same work ethic when you went in. And at this point, you were like, look. That's it.
Joey Rosen:Like, I'm doing whatever it takes.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. So being that I had gone to treatment so many different times for whatever reason, when I got to this treatment facility, I just had, like, a different perspective on being there. Like, typically, I would show up and I would be, like, the asshole that was there, like, talking during class. Like, I say class. It's like, you know, you go through, like, some classes while you're there.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I was just not following the rules. Like, I was still just being, like, rebellious.
Joey Rosen:Mhmm.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I was acting like a a kid, a child. Yeah. And when I got to this place, I just decided that I wasn't gonna be like that. So right now, I was, yeah, I was just kinda gonna do what they told me to do, and I ended up being more of, like, a role model while I was there. Like, you know, I started, like, reading, the Alcoholics Anonymous book.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I started to, like, actually write in a journal and write the things that they're asking me to do and, like, calling people, apologizing to people, trying to make positive steps in positive direction. Yep. Instead of, like, trying to hook up with girls or, like, trying to sneak cigarettes or, you know, just doing the dumb shit.
Joey Rosen:Yep.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So, yeah, it was 60 days, which had been the longest time that I'd spent, like, in a treatment facility. And when I got back when I got out, I made the choice on my own to go to sober living. Like, Cas was like, yo. You could just come move in with me. Like, I have a place in South Philly.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, we just live together. Like, I was like, no. You know, like, I should
Joey Rosen:Yeah. You're committed, dude. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. I should I should take all the steps necessary.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. So Yeah. You were committed.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Yeah. I I went to a halfway house in Norristown on Cherry Street. This old guy, Bob. Right?
Joey Rosen:In where?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Norristown. At at Cherry Street.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I don't know if you know that area. It's not really great. Like, the one of my drug dealers lived around the corner.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Like, there's not that.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Which was like, old me, I would have relapsed day 1. Yeah. You know? Like, you
Drew Beech:flipped the switch.
Joey Rosen:About a test. Talk about a test, like, another like, just another test. You know what I mean?
Drew Beech:You flipped the switch this time, though. It sounds like you you were you were never
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:gonna be back. Exactly it. And I think the thing that was the biggest change this time is that, like, I seen a life better than using. Like, the guys I was working for at the time were like, yo. Like, you still have a job.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Mhmm. Like, this is what you have.
Joey Rosen:Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Like, you can make money. You have a beautiful girlfriend. Like, you know, you have your dog. Like, you have all this stuff going for you. Like, this is gonna be the last time
Joey Rosen:Yeah. You
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:know, this stuff is here. Like, if you go down this road again, like It's
Joey Rosen:gonna get taken away.
Drew Beech:Get many more opportunities. Right. Opportunity is not twice as the the phase one.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah. And it it seems as though I'm sure that that transition into the beauty was difficult, but you did it. And it seems like to me from again, like Drew said, a friend and a bystander that the beauty is multiplying. Like, you started you self described as a role model when you were in treatment.
Joey Rosen:You decided to do things differently and become a role model. And I think I know that that reputation of role model has continued to multiply. Mhmm. You know what I mean? To the to this moment, even that we're sitting here, you having the courage to tell your story, which, again, I appreciate.
Joey Rosen:I have gratitude because there's people in our community that need to hear this. And I know it's not easy for you. I'm sure you've done it before, but I can feel that it's still not easy. So, the utmost gratitude and respect, man.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Appreciate that.
Joey Rosen:For who you've become. What a come up story. We've talked a lot about a lot of overcoming your b company. Let's let's bring it to the present and husband. Right?
Joey Rosen:Father. Right? Savage. Savage athlete, ultra runner. Right?
Joey Rosen:All of the things. Let's just talk about 2 of the things and while we bring this in for a little bit of a landing. Your role as a father, very difficult. We're all fathers here. Right?
Joey Rosen:Is a the most important and difficult role that I believe a man plays, you know, in in his life. Also, there's some other difficult stuff you do, marathon running, ultra running. When you dig deep in both of those areas of your life now, when it gets hard and you have to dig deep, whether it's the 60th mile that you're running or whether it's a, you know, 2 AM feeding or whatever it is, you know, when your daughter was younger. When you dig deep to get through those moments, do you dig deep into your past when you were in active addiction? Do you where do you go?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I mean, that's exactly where I go. But this stuff is is easy. Like, it's not even, you know, it's not even comparison to to my past. So, like, waking up with the baby at 2 AM or, you know, running a 100 miles, like, that stuff stops. Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:You know, like, it ends immediately.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. And you
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:just go back to sleep after a few days or you stop running for a minute and, like, the pain starts to subside. Yeah. But, like, when you're in active addiction, bro, like, there's no escaping it.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah.
Drew Beech:That's well said. I attest that to the quick short story with Parker. We almost lost him when he was 7 months old to. I don't know if you guys are familiar with that, but we were in the hospital for, like, 2 weeks, and they were fighting to keep him alive at different times during the process because he would he would get viral the viral infection would take over as long. But going through that made every other trip to the ER and every other seemingly spill small spill so easy.
Drew Beech:And I attest I make that comparison to life. Like, the harder the thing you go through, the easier it makes everything else.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yep. Yep. You know, I've I've expressed my gratitude, man. I've I've expressed, you know, the respect I have for your courage and your bravery to share your story.
Joey Rosen:I think one thing that we probably haven't expressed yet, maybe we did, we've covered a lot, man, and, like, you you I've been on a little bit of a silent emotional roller coaster as as you've told your story, so I may have forgotten some things that I've said, so I apologize. But how honored we are that you have chosen to represent Fuel Hunt and, like, what we're doing, man. And you you don't just you didn't just find us and, like, say, like, yes, that's me. Like, I'm just gonna live this. Like, you've completely transformed yourself.
Joey Rosen:And you've said in not so many words, like, hey, guys, like, what you're doing resonates and people need to hear this. And I believe in you and what you're doing so much so that I'm gonna tattoo it on my shin. So, like, we are very honored that a person of your caliber, a role model of your caliber has chosen us on your journey. So thank you. Thank you.
Drew Beech:I do have one question, Kelly. I'd like to ask people that have overcome challenges or achieved great things for members of the people on community that are maybe struggling with addiction or just going through a hard time in life, not necessarily even addiction related, but, like, what advice do you have for them to keep going?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I mean, it would just be to to not give up. Like, I mean, at the end of the day, I know that's so cliche to say, but, like, as long as you don't stop, like, you always have the opportunity to make it through, you know, whatever you're going through. It's just like taking that one step, and then that one step turns into, you know, a lifetime of accomplishments, essentially. And if you if you let it take you to where, yep, where you need to go.
Joey Rosen:If you've been listening to the show the past couple episodes, one continuing theme that Drew and I say is, it sounds so cliche until it's not.
Drew Beech:Yeah.
Joey Rosen:You know what I mean? And I think it's also a beautiful metaphor in the advice you gave, like putting one foot in front of another, like taking that step. Because you take one step and then you take another and another, and then before you know it, you're running an ultra marathon, and you have so much distance between who you were and who you are today. You know? And we didn't even touch on some of the crazy running and athleticism and all the stuff you're doing, but that stuff is very prevalent on your feed and your presence on social media.
Joey Rosen:So why don't you, tell everybody what your current hard thing is, your current challenge that you're pursuing, and then where they can find you. And please do mention, Recovery Room Club as well.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Okay. Yeah. So, my goal for 2024 is to run one marathon or further each month while bringing awareness to the disease of addiction. So I've completed 3 of those marathons so far. I did Houston.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I'm sorry. I've done 2. I've done Houston. I did a 50 k in North Jersey last month, and I'm getting ready to do 2 Rivers marathon in not this weekend, but the following weekend. Nice.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So, yeah, that's my goal. Do a lot of running and doing a lot of hard stuff. And, yeah, I just released a run club local to Philadelphia for now, called Recovery Run Club. And it's for anybody who is in recovery in any capacity. It could be from eating disorders, you know, domestic violence, addiction.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I mean, you could just be advocating for someone who is in recovery or you've been affected by any of these, diseases. We welcome you to come out and kind of join the community and get after it. And, hopefully, this turns into something bigger than just, you know, once a month.
Joey Rosen:I know. I know that it, it absolutely really had a great turnout at the first one. I missed the first one. It was the original date postponed because of the weather. Right?
Joey Rosen:It rescheduled. So I I missed it, but I'm looking forward to to joining you. Like you said, all phases, all paces. I'm glad it's all paces because I'm slow.
Drew Beech:Yeah. I'm slow. On the wrong on the wrong phone?
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:So the last time we did a 5 k, which is just 3 miles. We did the Ben Franklin Bridge. So we started one side, ran to one side, ran back. Reviews are great. You know?
Joey Rosen:The Yay. Good vibes. Yeah. Yeah. Good energy.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I feel like once you get around it with a group of people anyways, like, start talking to somebody, you start running a lot faster than you. Hey. I actually think.
Joey Rosen:This is true. Same thing with the few fast, man. Like, you know, a 17 mile rock plus loaded carry. That's good. People were like, you know, even me to a certain extent, I was like, we're gonna make this super hard.
Joey Rosen:Like, we're just, like, spur of the moment, day off. And then thinking to myself, I'm like, wow. Like, we did make this a little harder than
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:I intended.
Joey Rosen:But it's so true. Like, when you're doing it together with people Yeah. It's so rewarding, and you feed off each other's energy that the pace improves and just feels great. And so I'm I'm really excited for everything you got going on. I'm gonna join you at the next one.
Joey Rosen:Who knows? Maybe I'll run, like, an 8 minute mile Yeah. Besides myself. No. I won't.
Joey Rosen:I just Yeah.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:We'll get you at an 8 minute mile. Come out.
Joey Rosen:Maybe I'll show up with some the heavy things that carries. Yeah. Yeah. I
Drew Beech:got running shoes, though.
Joey Rosen:No no vehicle. I got some trail I have some trail runners. So
Drew Beech:This dude's wearing the toe shoes.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. He did send people
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:to do the Dolby,
Drew Beech:that guy.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. Yeah. Look. Yeah. He's supportive.
Joey Rosen:He's supportive. I'm ready. I'm ready. Alright. So I'm gonna I'm gonna join you at the next one and, I really hope maybe we'll do some, cross collaboration and, like, some of the gang from Recovery Running Club can join us at the FEW Fest too.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Absolutely. We'll do some rocking fun.
Drew Beech:The FEW Fest got it might be a little too slow pace for yeah. You might wanna run though.
Joey Rosen:You might run. You might run with a run.
Drew Beech:He'll be out of here.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Just do the heavier rock.
Joey Rosen:Yeah. There you go.
Drew Beech:Yeah. Very a very heavy rock.
Joey Rosen:Very bad. Alright, man. This this was great. We're gonna bring it in for a landing. Thank you so much, man.
Joey Rosen:Thank you so much.
Drew Beech:Tell them where to find you, though. I didn't know.
Joey Rosen:Oh, yes. Where to find you.
Kellen Matthews-Thompson:Thank you. TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Kellen runs Philly. Yeah. I'll be there.
Joey Rosen:Alright. And I'm looking forward to seeing you in the neighborhood, man. Just running for your life, man. Just running for your life. I love it.
Joey Rosen:I relieve the Eagles with a sign off that they know. Mhmm. By this time, they know. Mhmm. Like, they could probably repeat it themselves, but it's worth repeating.
Drew Beech:I agree.
Joey Rosen:Always choose hard work over handouts. Always choose effort over entitlement. Remember, no one owns you. No one owes you. You're one of the few.