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Motherhood asks us to do it all, but what if the real strength is in just being?
This is Leaning into Being. Erika Hanafin, mom, stepmom, founder, and co-parent hosts alongside Amri Kibbler, mother, founder, and cancer survivor.
We get it. Motherhood is beautiful chaos. And whether you're juggling babies in business, toddlers in to-do lists, or just trying to catch your breath. We're here for it. All of it, the real, the raw and the moments that make it all worth it. Each episode focuses on relatable situations, resources, and experiences to help you balance the beautiful chaos of motherhood and ambition. This show is designed for all mamas seeking community and connection in her definition of success.
This is Leaning Into Being.
[00:00:00] Tara Clark: Never underestimate the importance of community. Never underestimate the importance of friendship. One thing that I practice, and I say this all the time, is when you think of a friend, Don't hesitate to reach out to them.
[00:00:25] Erika Hanafin: Tara, you have built a career that resonates So deeply with moms everywhere. We were just laughing about all of the fun modern mom problems that we experience and it resonates so well.
[00:00:38] Erika Hanafin: let's start by going back. What was your entry point to motherhood like and where are you now?
[00:00:44] Tara Clark: Oh, wow. It seems like a million years ago, but I have a 12 year old son and my entry to motherhood started in 2012. well, do you want to go like way back? Way back when I struggled with infertility, how far back do you want to go? Because if we want to talk about trying to become a mother, I was trying to become a mother in 2009.
[00:01:06] Tara Clark: And then unfortunately, I had a very long story with miscarriage and then subsequent infertility. And so then fast forward to actually becoming a mother in 2012. it was a long time coming, but that's for another episode altogether. So we'll save that.
[00:01:22] Amri Kibbler: we're all in the same boat there, so that's a full episode there.
[00:01:25] Tara Clark: That is a full episode,
[00:01:26] Tara Clark: so Jack was born in 2012. At the time I was working at Nickelodeon And when he was born, I thought that I was going to go back full time. I remember chatting with her on the phone and I said, I'd love to go back part time. And she said, no, it's a full time head. So it's either like full time or nothing at all. And I was like, well, you know what? I'm going to stay home with him. And it was a really, hard decision to make because I had just assumed that I was going to go back to work.
[00:01:50] Tara Clark: We even had the daycare picked out and everything like that. And so I decided to become, a full time stay at home mom with him. And, When he was three years old, I decided to start my Instagram account because when you have toddlers, there's just. So much content, you know, you're just like you, you're swimming in content.
[00:02:09] Tara Clark: Like they're saying something funny, they're having a tantrum, there's just so many different things, mostly funny things, and a lot of struggles. And so I started my account in 2016 and then changed the name in 2017 to ModernMomProbs and then the account just took off from there.
[00:02:23] Tara Clark: And now that he's 12, I have different, Modern Mom Problems than when I had a three year old, And so I'd like to say that the account has definitely evolved and it covers anything from very funny first world kind of problems to very serious things like miscarriage, infertility, postpartum depression, mental health, mental load of motherhood, working mothers, all of those things, So anything that falls underneath the umbrella of that, I will talk about.
[00:02:50] Amri Kibbler: And we are all in the same like genre right now too. So Erica has 11, you have 12, I have a 13 year old. So we're all like sliding right on into that teen phase. Oh my gosh, which is just blowing my mind. It's so crazy. so talk to us a little bit about like what you're navigating right now. You said your content is changing a little bit to, match what's happening in your life.
[00:03:16] Tara Clark: Yes, as I mentioned before, like when you have toddlers, it's just like a nonstop content machine. It's funny things, it's struggles, it's just so much and then as your children StartToGetOlder, there's less content, it's just different, right? And so I'm not talking about the same things that I was when he was three.
[00:03:35] Tara Clark: Now that he's a tween and he's like a proper, an official tween now that he's 12, we're dealing with different things. it's the screen time, it's the group chats, it's the, bullying at school. You know, there's just so many different things that are going, puberty and dealing with that and having those conversations.
[00:03:53] Tara Clark: It's a lot. it's also dealing with The sassiness that sort of comes with having a tween and speaking with your child and working through that with them so that like when they're sassy, you don't then sass back that you have a conversation of like, I don't like it when you speak to me that way.
[00:04:08] Tara Clark: It doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of that. And so having all of those conversations. So it's a lot of conversations. when you have older kids. And it's not like you're not having conversations with younger children, obviously, it's just your tactics and your toolbox is different.
[00:04:24] Erika Hanafin: And a heck of a lot more patience, that is for sure.
[00:04:28] Amri Kibbler: sure. So much patience. When you said sassiness, I was like, Oh my gosh, I have sassiness up to here right now. And what's coming back to me when I say things like, I don't like it when you It's just more sass. It's like the sass goes up 200 meters over here.
[00:04:47] Erika Hanafin: Yeah,
[00:04:47] Erika Hanafin: exactly.
[00:04:49] Tara Clark: son started this new thing recently, only in last couple of weeks where I will ask him a question about something that I sort of already know the answer to. He'll point blank say, no, that's not it. What are you talking about? And then it turns out to actually be. the truth, or like to be correct.
[00:05:04] Tara Clark: Like for instance, I'll give you an example. Yesterday he was the host of his school's talent show. He had told me several days ago, or maybe two weeks ago, that he was going to be the host of this. And so I asked him a few days after that, oh how's it going prepping to be the emcee? And he's I'm not the emcee.
[00:05:22] Tara Clark: I'm not the host. What are you talking about? I was like, oh, you had told me that you are. And then lo and behold, I show up yesterday at the school, and there he is on the stage with a microphone in his hand, introducing all of the people and cracking jokes in between all of the acts. And I'm like, you are the emcee of this event. But he was like, no, I don't know what you mean. And so I think that comes with a certain age and that's the kind of stuff that I'm trying to work through with him. Because obviously they need to have a certain level of independence. Everyone needs that at a certain age. And so I think that's their way of being independent and,
[00:05:59] Tara Clark: To separate themselves from us and find their own path and their own way. But yes, he was in fact the emcee of the talent show.
[00:06:07] Tara Clark: Oh my gosh. clearly he's learned a lot from his mama too, which is incredible. We love dismantling the super mom myth. can you share a time that tested you as a mom and how you work through it real raw and all? When my son was struggling in school a little bit and so I had to help him with that emotionally to be there for him as he was working through that and at the same time obviously I was still running my business and being a wife and being a daughter and all of those other things that are expected of meand I remember having to prioritize his needs at that point.
[00:06:51] Tara Clark: And so sometimes when that happens, then you have to look at all of the things that are on your plate,And you say, I need to prioritize him right now and his mental health and what he needs and then put some of the other things on the back burner for the time being.
[00:07:05] Tara Clark: And that's what we did because for me, my son will always come first, right? could never replace him. He is my everything. And. Work sometimes can wait and maybe if there's a deadline that I need to buy a little bit of time on then I could do that or maybe not take on a new project while I know that I'm working with him, to get through what he needed to get through and that's the time that comes to mind when you say that, like immediately I think that and so at that point, could someone have called me a super mom?
[00:07:35] Tara Clark: Yeah, you'd be like, look at you, like you're crushing it at work and you're a great wife and you're a great daughter and you're a great mom helping your son get through his issues, but I wasn't that. I was prioritizing him and, I wasn't wearing a cape. I didn't have leotards on. maybe I was wearing leggings, but I definitely didn't have I don't have a leotard like a superhero, but, I just knew that I had to focus on everything that he needed me for and to just put everything else aside for the time being.
[00:08:07] Amri Kibbler: The idea of Leaning Into Being is core to this podcast. What does that concept mean to you and what does it mean to embrace that spirit of presence and authenticity as a mom and just as a person?
[00:08:20] Tara Clark: going back to my previous answers, like when I'm doing one particular thing, I'm doing all of that one particular thing, right? So if my son needs me, I am all there for him. And then if I'm working on a project at work, then I'm all in on that for that particular time.
[00:08:34] Tara Clark: I'm very good at compartmentalizing my time and my mind as much as I can and when it calls for that, right? So if he needs me,I'm all in for that. When work needs me, I'm all in for that. And I'm able todifferentiate when I need to like focus on the one thing versus the other thing.
[00:08:51] Tara Clark: Now sometimes it's impossible, like some things may be so overwhelming that you like have to, like I said before, put things on the back burner so that you could focus on your family. But. When things are regulated and smooth sailing, then I can lean into any one project or any one thing that I'm working on at that point. it's important to on Whatever you're doing at that exact moment in time to be all in and to really be present in those things right now. the three of us are having a conversation. I am all in with all of you for the next, how long we're going to chat. we could chat all day because I absolutely adore you both. So, I'm all in on that. And so nothing's going to deter me, aside from maybe my house burning down or something, from our having our conversation.
[00:09:39] Erika Hanafin: I love that and presence is so important and you have been a powerful advocate for maternal mental health and realness. So see, kind of alluded to it earlier slightly, but how do you see modern mom props encouraging moms to find and honor those spaces?
[00:09:56] Tara Clark: Yes, when I first started on Instagram, people were not talking about maternal mental health the way that we do. It's definitely evolved, as I mentioned before, like my account has evolved, the conversation has evolved, and I'm so grateful for that, and I'm so happy that we have these platforms to speak honestly, authentically, very vulnerably about our own experiences, and I'm so grateful for that.
[00:10:20] Tara Clark: And so What I love about Modern Mom Probs is, like I said, I could talk about funny things, but then I could talk about very serious things and it all falls underneath that same umbrella. I was recently I am asked to become a champion with the Mental Health Coalition, and I'm super excited. It's an organization that Kenneth Cole founded during the pandemic.
[00:10:43] Tara Clark: And the Mental Health Coalition has several different, Mental health non profits that are a part of it. And they recognized me and the work that I've done here on the platform. And they said, we would love to have you be a champion. And obviously I like jumped at that chance, because anytime that I'm able to spread the word about the importance of maternal mental health and ending any negative stigma around that, obviously I'm going to talk about it.
[00:11:07] Erika Hanafin: I love that. Tell us more.
[00:11:09] Tara Clark: Oh, yeah. it's new. I literally just had the conversation with them yesterday.it's like super, super new. but yeah, it has to do with using my platform as a voice to speak out about maternal mental health.
[00:11:21] Amri Kibbler: Amazing. So excited. Yeah. Can't wait to hear more. So you'll have to keep us
[00:11:25] Tara Clark: I will.
[00:11:26] Amri Kibbler: Yes,
[00:11:26] Amri Kibbler: and you wear a lot of hats. You're a mom, a speaker, a podcaster, an author. how do you manage the juggle and are there any routines, hacks, tools, mindset shifts that you use to help you find a rhythm?
[00:11:42] Tara Clark: Definitely. I'm really good about time blocking my schedule in my calendar. I swear by my Google calendar. I'm ride or die with that. And so I block out my time, as much as I can, So I know what I'm doing and if it's not in my calendar, it's probably not happening. and sometimes, You have to give yourself grace because sometimes things can run late or fall behind and then you have to move those items to the next day or maybe even the day after that and so that's okay too, but I'm very strict
[00:12:11] Tara Clark: Strict with my time blocking in my calendar. when I drop my son off from school, that's when I start my work day. I'm putting that in, quotes, right? I work from home, but I'm very strict about the nine to four. I pick him up from school at four cause he has clubs. So nine to fours is my work day. And I'm all in on that as much as I can, go to Pilates and that's a different story, but that's okay.
[00:12:34] Tara Clark: But you have to go to Pilates because it's important to
[00:12:36] Tara Clark: take care of
[00:12:36] Tara Clark: yourself.
[00:12:37] Erika Hanafin: for sure. Well, that's exactly, I was just going to ask you outside of everything you do for community and your family. what are those little moments or activities? Obviously Pilates is one, but how do you remind you of who you are at your core?
[00:12:51] Tara Clark: You're going to laugh at this, but I'm going to say this, and this is true. When I have podcast conversations like this is how I'm reminded who I really am and how I really am. Because when you're seeing me here, that is 100 percent Tara. It is 100 percent authentically me. So I love conversations like this.
[00:13:10] Tara Clark: I also do love Pilates, so I can't say that I don't. I'm also currently working on my 800 plus day streak of Duolingo in Italian. and I have an Italian tutor, so that's something that I've been doing for myself. We actually got my son the Italian tutor, and now I took her over.
[00:13:26] Tara Clark: He still does it, but I do it more frequently. which is fine, because everyone should have a hobby, and learning Italian is my new hobby. And that's where I find those little pockets of time for myself. so I like to think that I do something that feeds each part of my body. And I'll explain. The Pilates obviously feeds my physical body.
[00:13:44] Tara Clark: The learning Italian is feeding me academically, right? And mentally. And, My third one should be feeding myself spiritually is having wonderful conversations with people like you. And so those are my three things. And I think everyone should have something that fits into those different categories.
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[00:15:04] Amri Kibbler: You're so open about sharing the ups and downs and the reality of motherhood. What's your one advice that you give to moms that are struggling?
[00:15:13] Tara Clark: A big thing that I learned, through experience is to let go of a lot of the societal expectations that you feel and that the pressure that you're putting on yourself. And now I'm not saying that you could Get rid of all of those. Of course, it's almost impossible to do that. But once I started saying, I could get off this train.
[00:15:32] Tara Clark: And again, I'm using that in quotes that I don't have to have my kid in every sport. I don't have to be doing every single thing. And. Once you take a step back and say like, Oh, I don't have to be on this train doing all these things. It's very freeing. Or, and I'm saying that now because my son is older, but you could also say that when you have a baby or a toddler.
[00:15:51] Tara Clark: I don't need to be doing X, Y, and Z all of the time. And once you realize that and, You are more mindful and more intentional about your parenting and about your life in general. That is a huge game changer. And so what I would say is to be more mindful, be more intentional, take a step back and question like, Why do I have to put my two year old in soccer five days a week?
[00:16:14] Tara Clark: I don't. He doesn't need that, unless he really, wanted it. That's a different story. Or why do I feel that I have to feed them X, Y, and Z, or be sleep training in this way? I'm just using sleep training as an example, but sleep training in a certain way. And so question things. Don't just do things blindly.
[00:16:31] Tara Clark: Don't just do things in autopilot. And then you'll realize Oh, I'm doing it the way that my family wants to do it in a way that we feel good about it. Not just because we feel like we should be doing all these things.
[00:16:44] Tara Clark: I love that. and it's also, it's It takes a lot of practice, right? Like It took me years to get to that point.
[00:16:50] Erika Hanafin: so on that, what were those like little things or tools, if you will, or support systems that you looked to obviously within your community, broadly, more, more broadly with other communities that helped you get to that place where you were questioning things or that were also game changers, as you said.
[00:17:10] Tara Clark: speaking with like minded people absolutely helps, right? Finding your community is huge. I cannot say enough wonderful things about finding a supportive community. I read a lot of parenting books because being in this line of work, I interview a lot of authors. And so I've read Wonderful parenting books from, Dr.
[00:17:29] Tara Clark: Shafali to Dr. Becky to, I mean, just everybody. And there's this one gentleman in particular, his name is Corey Allen. He has a book called Brave New You, and it's about being mindful and it's about being intentional. It's about being present. I'm a huge fan of Corey Allen. And, It helps you to, like I said, take a step back and to not just be an autopilot and just be like, I have to do these things because that's what's expected of me.
[00:17:53] Amri Kibbler: Yes, but it's also not 1950 anymore that you don't have to do the things that are expected, of you, question it a little bit. And in the questioning of that, you'll find happiness because then you're doing what's right for you and for your family. So what is next for you? What are you excited about right now? what's happening for modern mom problems?
[00:18:14] Tara Clark: Sure, so I have my podcast, everybody go out, listen to my podcast, it's called Modern Mom Probs. I'm also in, I'm speaking at several different things this year, there's a panel in Bergen County, New Jersey that I'm speaking about the permission to pivot, which I'm excited about that one. I'm speaking at Alt Summit this year, I'm speaking at Mom 2.
[00:18:34] Tara Clark: 0 this year, I'm also planning. A women's retreat in upstate New York. I have a, very busy spring. I got a lot going on this spring. So if you ask me anything past the spring, I don't know, but I have a lot going on this spring. and they're all on different topics, Like in, in January.
[00:18:53] Tara Clark: The one in Bergen County is about Permission to Pivot, AltSummit, I'm speaking about Content Creator Burnout. At Mom 2. 0, I'm speaking about how to navigate your content as a content creator as your children age, is going to be an interesting topic. And like I said, in April, our in person women's retreat is a wellness retreat. So it's all different topics, but all pertaining to wellness. You know, the stuff that I cover normally.
[00:19:21] Erika Hanafin: Yeah. I love that. and it's so intentionally you, too, which is going to help in that authenticity, of course. okay, we're almost to the end, but if you could leave one message, a piece of encouragement, a laugh, or a lesson, what would it be?
[00:19:42] Tara Clark: I could probably do a thousand different things, but I will leave it with this thought. Never underestimate the importance of community. Never underestimate the importance of friendship. One thing that I practice, and I say this all the time, is when you think of a friend, Don't hesitate to reach out to them.
[00:20:02] Tara Clark: Normalize reaching out to your friends when they cross your mind. So that happens to me all the time. I'll think of somebody, I'm like, Oh, I wonder what they're up to. Instead of wondering what they're up to, I text them or I DM them or I email them. And so it puts a smile on their face because now they know that someone's thinking of them.
[00:20:19] Tara Clark: It puts a smile on my face because I'm reaching out to them and it makes me happy. And so that's one thing I would say is reach out to your friends when. you think of them And never underestimate how important it is to be a hype person, to be a cheerleader, because I firmly believe this, I say it all the time, is that the tide rises, all ships.
[00:20:42] Tara Clark: And so we're in it together, whether it's womanhood or motherhood or working together. And we should Celebrate and cheer on the talented, hardworking, good people out there. And so pat yourselves on the back because I'm sure your listeners are all of those people. But yeah, never underestimate the power of community.
[00:21:02] Tara Clark: Oh,
[00:21:03] Amri Kibbler: is a really good one. We definitely agree with that one so much. Okay, so we've come to our last question. I can't believe that time has flown by and we always ask this question. What is one time you can't believe you survived or that you're still laughing about?
[00:21:21] Tara Clark: I would say toddlerhood. And now I could laugh about it because my son is not a toddler any longer. He was like a ticking time bomb. And so anytime we would go somewhere out to dinner. Mostly out to dinner or somewhere in public. We'd be like, okay, we have 15 minutes before the bomb will go off and we have to go home.
[00:21:42] Tara Clark: And so now, yeah, I could look back at that and be like, okay, that was funny. ha. But, at the time that was a struggle. He had a lot of tantrums between the ages of 18 months and three years old and then once he was like three, three and a half, like they subsided. but that was hard. That was a hard time.
[00:21:59] Tara Clark: Birthday parties were hard. Anything with overstimulation was hard. It was a really challenging 18 months and he was like a super easy baby up until that point and so it was really like, Surprising, when he hit 18 months, but yeah, look, now that's like several years ago and we could laugh about it and I made it out of the trenches and it's okay and we could joke about it, but that was hard.
[00:22:22] Tara Clark: It was lonely and it was hard and we were living in New York City and, I didn't have a lot of in person friends. That's why I started my account. I started my account to, to have the village that I didn't have and now look at
[00:22:34] Tara Clark: it.
[00:22:35] Amri Kibbler: Yeah, look at all that you have brought together because of that modern mom problem that you had. so many moms are struggling with that. You feel like you can't go anywhere when you're, you know there's going to be a meltdown happening. I had a, my
[00:22:52] Amri Kibbler: So we couldn't go anywhere. There's all these little things that you're facing and like when you're in it, you're like, oh my gosh, this is so terrible. I feel like I can't engage and I can't do all these things and you just can't see past that phase. And then looking back, you're like, oh my gosh, it actually was only a few years and it just flew by.
[00:23:11] Tara Clark: Yeah, exactly. Now that I think about it, I'm like, oh my goodness, when he was 18 months old, like how yummy and little and sweet they are then, but it just seems like a lifetime ago. How is she in the car now? Is she better in the car?
[00:23:22] Amri Kibbler: she's nine now. We do have barf bags everywhere, but, We literally couldn't go one mile in the car. We lived in Williamsburg and I couldn't go from like our apartment to the Williamsburg bridge. So it was either I was walking or we were taking the subway or we weren't coming. So it's like very
[00:23:39] Amri Kibbler: limiting.
[00:23:40] Tara Clark: it is. It's really challenging. It's really challenging. That is right. Is she okay on airplanes?
[00:23:46] Amri Kibbler: She's okay on airplanes. It's just something about the car.
[00:23:49] Amri Kibbler: Yeah.
[00:23:51] Erika Hanafin: Which is crazy because then you have the other parents that are like driving their kids around the car to make them sleep, you know.
[00:23:58] Amri Kibbler: Oh yeah. We didn't do
[00:23:59] Erika Hanafin: We're all in different seasons and different,
[00:24:02] Tara Clark: everyone, and that's the thing too, I always say that parenting is not one size fits all. So you know, that's the hard thing about giving parenting advice, and again I'm using that in quotes, because it's not one size fits all. People are not one size fits all, so you can't say that this is the hard, fast rule all the time for everything.
[00:24:19] Tara Clark: One time I was chatting with a woman who is a parenting expert and she's big into scripts, say X, Y, and Z, when, X, Y, and Z. And I said to her, I was like, in my family, in my experience, it's like scripts don't work. And she didn't love to hear that, but that's okay, but, that's the thing.
[00:24:36] Tara Clark: It's like you can't say the same thing for every child because not every child is the same.
[00:24:41] Erika Hanafin: It's so true. And on that is the biggest thing. Best way to end this episode. Thank you so much for being with us, Tara. It's always a pleasure seeing you and thank you for all that you've been doing to build community and normalize these types of conversations.
[00:24:57] Tara Clark: Thank you so much for having me.
Mama, you are doing enough. You are enough. So take a breath, lean in, and just be, be you. Be present. Just be.