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Authentic gay conversations on personal development, life coaching, and mental health. Join Keegan Hirst, founder of Gay Man's Coaching and former professional rugby player, for weekly real talk about gay lifestyle, coming out, relationships, business, and authentic living. Deep, honest conversations that help gay men build confidence, find community, and create vibrant, unapologetic lives.
Hello, and welcome to the Gay Man's Coaching Podcast, the podcast for
Speaker 2:gay men who want to improve their performance across physique, mindset, work, life in general. And in today's episode, we have a fantastic guest, a GMC client who's done extraordinary well in just over a year that he's been with us. And I'm really excited to dig into that. Just a reminder that we have got our massive action day coming up in London. It's gonna be at the the Hyatt Hotel in Stratford.
Speaker 2:It's on the June 20. We are gonna be digging into becoming an unapologetic man. So what does that look like when you apologize for who you are? What are the five arenas that we find ourselves doing that in? And then what is the path to becoming unapologetic, to not have to sanitize or shrink yourself down to make yourself more palatable?
Speaker 2:We're going to be digging into that. We're going be doing an audit on where we are and coming away with action steps. Now this is the first massive action day that we have ever done with GMC where we are inviting non GMC members. So if you want to come, you can get a ticket. If you know somebody, send it their way.
Speaker 2:And if you're part of GMC, get yourself there because this is going to be our best event of the year. Now getting into today's episode, we have got Greg Turner, who is a fantastic member of the community, comes to the events, gets himself involved and has really extracted a lot of value, made some great progress physically. We're now working together on next steps with regards to career, community, legacy, and just some really, really interesting work that we're doing together. So without further ado, let's get into this podcast with Greg Turner. Alright, Greg.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the GMC Podcast. Thank you for joining me mate, appreciate it. Do you just want to do as a little intro, introduce yourself, let everybody know who you are?
Speaker 3:Yeah, thanks for having me on. So I am Greg Turner, I've been with GMC about eighteen months now, so really happy to be here, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, good man, good man. I'm really looking forward to talking about your story because I think it is something that is so common with people who join GMC, you know, they find themselves in a job that they're very good at, like financially in a good spot and they kind of look around and go don't know if the other areas of my life are where they want it to be. They kind of work on that and then the beauty of you doing that has been then you've it's kind of rekindled your love for work and you're going on and challenging yourself. So we'll kind of go over that story arc but do you just want to explain to the listeners just tell us a bit about where you were at, what was going on in life when you wanted to join GMC and what kind of triggered that for you?
Speaker 3:Yeah so it was, I would say it was building up for quite a long time before I kind of took the plunge and signed up.
Speaker 2:How long was quite a long time?
Speaker 3:I'd say probably six to twelve months and it was even before I'd found GMC but I knew that I wanted to do something. GMC kind of came along and was the thing that I went for. But I think what was really interesting for me is I was getting towards my fiftieth birthday, which is coming up, not feeling great about myself, just sort of physically, maybe not taking good care of myself, eating too much, drinking too much, the usual kind of things. And I was looking for something to try and fix that and as I was getting towards that big five zero birthday I thought actually it's now or never where I've actually got to do something to really sort that out.
Speaker 2:Why did you feel like it was a no or never kind of thing?
Speaker 3:I think I got to that point where through your 20s and 30s you can kind of do more or less what you want. You make don't have sure you're in great shape, your body can cope with it. As you get into your late 30s and 40s, you then start to feel like actually time's ticking on and I need to make some changes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when you talk about I know you talked about you know food and drink and not looking after yourself as well as you might, what was the impact to that? Like how was that affecting work, home, like relations, like what was the reason that kind
Speaker 3:of made you go I don't like this where I'm at? I felt like it was compromising my ability to do my job on the one hand, you know, not feeling great about going into work every day, feeling tired. I think my stress was building up. I didn't really realise that this was a kind of cause of it, but that was definitely something that I found. And it was also impacting my kind of relationship with friends and family as well, just that irritability and just not feeling myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, amazing. So you figure out that you want to do something, you take the plunge, you join GMC. I remember you saying like the fiftieth birthday has always been like a big milestone for you, hasn't it? And it like, you you want to do that. So tell us what that looked like, I guess in the early stages.
Speaker 2:What were some of the things that you started doing? What were some of the things that you stopped doing? And what was the kind of knock on effect to that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, a lot of it for me was about breaking bad habits if I'm honest and what I started doing initially when I joined GMC was you're put on a programme, you're told eat these things, don't eat these things, do this stuff at the gym, kind of follow the programme. And I have to say when I started I was probably a little bit sceptical, so thinking I've tried things like this before and yeah it hasn't worked for me, but ultimately it was about getting into a routine and I think that's something that I got early days in GMC. It took a few weeks but getting up for myself every day at the same time, getting out and getting steps in, get air, walking, going to the gym three or four times a week and following a nutrition programme. I wouldn't say it was dieting but it was following a proper programme of what I was going to eat. And over the course of the first few months, that really made a massive impact on me without really realising it.
Speaker 3:As I got into the programme, was probably the biggest thing that I took from the programme at the beginning.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And how soon was it before you started noticing changes?
Speaker 3:I would say probably within a month from the kind of food and nutrition and sleep thing that within a month I felt 100 times better because I was getting into that routine from an exercise standpoint and you know that probably took a little bit longer getting used to working out in the gym. I hadn't done that for decades so you know getting into the gym and working out, that was definitely something that took a little bit longer, probably sort of six to eight weeks, but then I really started to notice over the course of two or three months those kind of more physical changes as well taking place.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And what was then, because you said you started noticing it, so what was the knock on effect of you noticing those changes, feeling better in yourself, more energy, starting to build up those, break down those bad habits and starting to build new ones? How did you notice it? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:Yeah I think for me there was a few things definitely more energy so I was having in myself physically a lot more energy. My sleep had improved massively. I think those were the two big takeaways. I think from my perspective what really I noticed was not just the physical piece but the move into the mental piece. I'm really starting to think about the physical piece was really a symptom of other things that were going on in my life.
Speaker 3:The physical thing wasn't the problem, the diet wasn't the problem, the exercise wasn't the problem. That was really the symptom of, for me, something bigger, which was looking at other areas of my life my career, my relationships. I think some of it also linked back to shame because I think a lot of us in the LGBT community have that buried shame that we've tried to push away and forget about. That was really being masked for me by not taking good care of myself, not eating properly, not exercising and not treating myself with the respect that I really should have for myself. So that was the big shift for me, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's such an important point. It's something you know I talk about all the time is that we can have the best training plan, the best diet plan, the best gym, the best coaches. You could have the best ones in the world but if you mentally don't believe that you deserve to look good, you don't deserve to feel good, you don't deserve to show up and play good in the places that you want, it won't happen. Because like you said, the physical is the symptom. And one of the reasons that we start with that GMC is because it's not always easy, but it is the simplest thing because going to the gym, going to bed on time, a decent hour, starting to be consistent with your nutrition is a physical manifestation of looking after yourself.
Speaker 2:You spoke about self respect, think that's such a huge thing that when people look after themselves it shows that they respect their body and their health and that they deserve to feel good. You start doing that and then as you said it feeds into the deeper layer stuff because how we look is just a symptom of how we feel about ourselves because our physique is a byproduct of our habits and behaviours. If our habits and behaviours are eating well and exercising regularly and viewing yourself as a healthy person, your body will automatically reflect that. So I think that the fact that you come in and you do that and then you realise that and people often come in for the physical and then stay for the mental shift. So let's dig into that a little bit then because you've had some amazing successes with your physique.
Speaker 2:You can share a little bit about what you've achieved but then to talk about what that kind of thread when you started unraveling it you know, and you start digging into the identity side of things and, you know, shame relationships. What are some of the things that you've worked on and achieved on that side of it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I think I've been doing a lot of work around limiting beliefs and that's something that was a massive problem for me. And I think when I look into my past, I spent a lot of time kind of masking who I was and a lot of coping strategies and mechanisms that I put in place.
Speaker 2:Just tell us about that with the masking who you were, in what way, like how would that show up, how would you do that?
Speaker 3:I think ultimately I would stay small. I didn't want to be visible. I know it sounds weird to say now but I wanted to kind of fit in, I wanted to toe the line, I wanted to kind of stay small really and I think that then led to me getting a lot of anxiety, then having limiting beliefs about what I could do and that kind of kept me really small, stopped me from really pushing myself further in my career, in my personal life and that's something I've been really working on as part of this programme. So although I started on the physical piece, which by the way I continue to do because that is now just kind of ingrained and embedded in my day to day routine and I kind of enjoy it. But it's also shifted my focus now to focusing on other parts of my life that need some attention.
Speaker 3:And I see it as a bit of a balance. You can't go all in on exercise at the detriment of other areas of your life but equally you've got to focus on those other areas also.
Speaker 2:Yeah it's like an analogy that I often use is it's like a DJ mixing desk and we have all these different areas in our lives, relationships, career, health and fitness, downtime, socializing, there's so many. And if we try to turn them all up to 100%, you're just gonna blow the speakers, right? So often when we put one thing up, we need to bring another thing down. But it's just never been never kind of turning it right now. But let's talk about that career side of things, because I think that's such a valuable insight from you that you because you you got to a point where it was like, I think I've gone as far as I can with Korea.
Speaker 2:I want to focus on the health and fitness, you go through this journey, then start to see that there's something deeper going on, you started to work on that, and then now you've kind of come back around where we've kind of lowered the thing a little bit on the physical side of things to give you the bandwidth on the career side of things. Talk us through what that change has looked like and what's gone on there for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I think ultimately through the work that I've been doing with GMC that's given me more confidence, that's the first thing, right? So we started on the fitness piece as I mentioned, that's helped drive a bit more confidence in me as a person and through the community that I've met through GMC and all the support that the other guys give each other and the coaches it's just helped really boost my confidence and made me feel good. It's helped push me out of my comfort zone I think now in other areas. So as I now focus more on the work side, I think it's fair to say I've been in my role in this type of industry that I work in for about thirty years, almost thirty What
Speaker 2:industry is that Greg?
Speaker 3:So I work in technology, so sort of program management, it's quite high stress and I realised after joining GMC that yes I had been climbing the career ladder but probably the ladder was against the wrong wall so to speak. I'd been climbing the ladder, I got to quite senior levels but realised that actually now I want something more. As I've gotten to a bit older in my life, I'm now ready to take the next step to really try and pivot. I've spent a lot of time over the last few months with a career coach, so outside of GMC but in parallel working with a career coach to start looking at addressing some of my limiting beliefs which GMC has also helped me with but also start to think about where my strengths are, what I can give to the wider community and to start making me think and explore new options. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So that's been really important for me and it's an area that I'm now putting more focus into now that the fitness piece is kind of ticking along nicely in the background.
Speaker 2:Yeah and I also think it's really it's important to acknowledge from your side of things what what you just spoke about there about the community and being around other people and how it impacts you and then lifts you up and in turn I know this was a conversation that we had a while ago now but talking about what you actually want to get from work and looking at like the legacy side of it. Know what can I can I give back? How can I help? Because I think once you've experienced that in some way, shape or form from a community and you go through something and then the fact that you've removed these limiting beliefs and start to say, actually I do have something to offer and I do have something to give and I want to be able to do that. Talk to us a little bit about that, about the kind of legacy side of things and that shift of that's been kind of me focused to actually I'm all right and I want to be able to give back a little bit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think ultimately as I've gotten older, I've got to the point where, you know, through pushing through some of these limiting beliefs and realising that I have something to give made me really think about how can I help other people? So are there other people that are on the kind of GMC fitness type journey? I've got some experience now from the last year or so and I'd love to be able to give some of that back to the community, some advice and guidance and anybody that is thinking about going on this journey, I can definitely give them some insight from someone that's gone through it. So that's the one side of it. On the other side, I think from a career standpoint, is now thinking about how do I use the skills that I've got and actually have a role that is perhaps a little bit more fulfilling and actually giving back to a sector of society based on the skills that I've picked up over the last thirty years.
Speaker 3:You know, still for me it's a work in progress, it's not an overnight transition, but it's something that I'm now much more aware of and I'm starting to think about, you know, how do I do something in my career that will give back to society?' And I think that's really important and, you know it's important to be able to I think almost practice gratitude on a day to day basis for everything that we have but then thinking about how do we pay things forwards as well and use some of our time and skills to help other people. And I think that's overall helping you become more of a rounded person than I wasn't before.
Speaker 2:No, love that mate. I think such a strange thing to get your head around because when you're in the thick of it and you are struggling with the immediate challenges that you know often, you know, like kind of position that you were in when you first joined GMC where you're like, I don't like where I'm at. I don't feel comfortable with this. My life isn't where I want it to be. You know, and I remember feeling like that particularly well, I mean, many experience, many circumstances over my life but particularly when I came out and I remember a friend of mine, Anthony, who's been a bit of a mentor to me.
Speaker 2:I remember kind of saying to him, don't really understand what you're getting out of this, like helping me out. And he said something that without name, well his name dropping, Ian McKell had said to him and kind of took him under his wing. And he said it's about passing the baton on because especially in our community as gay men, you know, don't share our sexuality or experiences with our parents often. So we have to learn from other people. And I think, you know, I've been very lucky in that I've been able to build a career and a business and use my experiences to then pass the button and help people.
Speaker 2:Then, you know, you come to a point where you're in a good spot and you go, now I'm able to pass the button. And I think it's such an important thing to do and I think the double side of it is there's no such thing as a truly altruistic act right? Even when we give someone some of our time, some of our knowledge, our experience and we share that, what it actually does for us as well is it reaffirms things and it allows us to process things better and we're able to crystallize things even more. So I think that's such an important thing and that's, you know, I think that's an amazing transition to go from that person who was struggling, you know, basically trying to keep their head above water to being the person who is in a good spot and is able to help other people. So if we were to put this version of Greg here now on, you know, on the call, on the on the on this podcast talking about this and we were to put him next to Greg before he joined GMC, what would that old you not recognise about current you?
Speaker 3:Well, I think the first thing is probably around consistency, right, that I've showed up for myself and probably the first time in my life where I've showed up for me and I've done something for me to help build my self confidence. So I definitely think the number one thing is showing up every day to do what I need to do to progress. I think the confidence piece I'm not going to try and say that I'm the most confident person in the world because I'm not, right? But I'm learning and it's a journey, right? But I think I was probably at a one out of 10 from a confidence perspective when I joined.
Speaker 3:I probably put myself at like a seven now so there's still some room for improvement but that, to be honest, would be the number one thing.
Speaker 2:And when you talk about that confidence how would that old version of you know that this version of you is more confident? What would you do or not do that shows that you're more confident now?
Speaker 3:I think I'm willing to push myself out of my comfort zone and that's something that I wouldn't have done before, both from a fitness perspective, also from a career standpoint. Also funnily enough and this was something I didn't really expect was how much I've enjoyed being part of the GMC community. So it's all of the other guys that are in the GMC world, all from different walks of life, different countries, different ages. We're a very different group of people just with that one thing in common, right? But I've actually reached out to people in the group, found that support and that's something that I've never had really before.
Speaker 3:So that ability to connect with a group has been something that I've been working on and something that I wouldn't have thought I would have done before.
Speaker 2:Yeah so what do you believe about yourself now that you didn't believe about yourself before? Because you talked about limiting beliefs earlier.
Speaker 3:I think overall to say that I am capable to do things, I can take control of my life, I'm more capable at almost 50 from a fitness perspective than I was probably in my 20s and 30s, which is a huge testament to two things: number one the work that I've put in myself, but also to the support and guidance from the coaches and the other members of the group. But that would be the that would probably be the one thing is that self confidence and the ability to believe in myself and that I can make change.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Love that. Love that. And you know we're we're we're realists at GMC. We talk about the struggles.
Speaker 2:It's not just a highlight really. It's not always you know win after win after win. Obviously that life throws us curve balls and we have setbacks. But for you, you know, in this position that you're in Greg where you're working on things, what is like something that you're still building? What's an area that you still struggle with sometimes?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I think the areas that I'm still struggling with the most and I think we all do is more the kind of spiritual and mental side of things. The exercise, diet, all those bits, I think every every now and again there'll be a gym day that doesn't go so well or you don't feel quite as confident but ultimately I would say it's more in that mental piece and I'm learning and developing and learning about myself. All those things that I'd kept his and about my life or things that I'd kept in the corner I'm still working through some of those things but I feel much better equipped now to deal with those through the support of some of the coaches, the team, a lot of reading and things that I'm doing from a personal perspective. I'm on a bit of a journey of self discovery, I would say. I love that.
Speaker 3:That's the bit that takes time, I think.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely. And I think the good things in life do take time, right? That's why we value them. That's why they're good things. Look at all the things that we've achieved over the course of our lives and very rarely is it something that just happens where we go, oh yeah, that's one of the best things in my life.
Speaker 2:It's usually things that we've worked at and that have taken time. I think a big thing that you've spoke about in this episode here is about that transformation of limiting beliefs, believing that life was this way and that that was the way it was. Then to be able to work through and to now have a completely different outlook on things. What would you say to someone who's in that kind of position where they have these limiting beliefs that this is how it is, that they're stuck, that life isn't the opportunity for change. What would you say to a person in that position?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think ultimately it's within our gift to make a change and I would say there are no quick fixes, right? There's no silver bullet magic pill that will just fix everything. You've got to start somewhere. I'd say start from where you are, just do something. Someone once said to me, Can you get off the fence and just do something?
Speaker 3:Just start. And that's really, really important. Start small, you can build up to things, you start getting into habits. If you join a community like GMC you get all of the support you need and it's just important to start somewhere. And then you'll start to build momentum, you'll start to think that you can really do it.
Speaker 3:But it takes hard work and dedication, but you just need to start.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that, mate. I I agree. You know, the all these cliched Zanes that we have like, you know, a a big journey starts with one step and all that kind of stuff and it can be really tweey to throw it around but the the the cliches because they're founded in truth, right? Yeah. Yeah, mate, listen, honestly, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and being so candid and if you guys have got any questions for Greg, you can connect with him on the hub and chat in the group.
Speaker 2:If you're someone who's not in GMC and you want to hear more from Greg or from us then you can email supportgmanscoaching dot com. But otherwise thank you for listening. Greg thank you for joining me.
Speaker 3:Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:And I will be back next week. So look after yourself, stay safe and don't eat and drink and behave at the expense of how you want to look and feel. And I will see you there.