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Proverbs 18:1, 14:13, 17:17, 18:24, 11:14
18:1 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
(ESV)
13 Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and the end of joy may be grief.
(ESV)
17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.
(ESV)
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
(ESV)
14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls,
but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
(ESV)
Redeemer exists to celebrate and declare the gospel of God as we grow in knowing and following Jesus Christ.
Good morning, everyone. Good morning. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. There you go.
Connor Coskery:Y'all sound so good. It is amazing. I love I usually sit up here upfront just to be kind of captivated by the sound of the band and this morning specifically, y'all were shoutin' y'all. I absolutely loved that. I'm gonna pray really quickly, before I start into this.
Connor Coskery:Pray with me. Father, we thank you for allowing us to be together today as sisters and brothers. We thank you for your overwhelming kindness and care for our lives. We confess that we often forget you, And we rejoice in the truth that you never forget us. Father, finally be with the one who preaches, for his sins are many.
Connor Coskery:In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen. My name is Caleb Chancey. I'm one of the elders here at Redeemer. And I'm so glad you're here today, as we continue our study through the Book of Proverbs.
Connor Coskery:A few facts about me. I grew up in a small town called Ozark, Alabama. I grew up the youngest of 5 kids in the country and I was homeschooled. And if you know me and you didn't know those facts about me, it's like I can literally hear the dots connecting in your mind. This explains so much.
Connor Coskery:Growing up homeschooled in the country meant I didn't have a ton of friends, but the ones I did have were just so dear. And our days were filled, my cousin's here. He knows us. Our days were filled with, going and climbing up trees and jumping out of trees. And then climbing on our house and jumping off our house.
Connor Coskery:And then filming it all with a camcorder. And I'm really glad YouTube didn't exist back then. Basically our days are full of making generally poor decisions which I think is the great basis for friendship. Amen? There you go.
Connor Coskery:One of my favorite of these poor decisions happened one day when my best friend Colleen came over to visit. And it was that day that my brother Josh decided that he wanted to know what the inside of a golf ball looked like. And he thought the fastest way because we didn't have high speed internet and that didn't exist then anyway, was to cut it in half with an ax. And something happened as he raised the axe head into the air. Something ancient and primal came over me.
Connor Coskery:I think it's called fear and I looked over at Colleen and I said, run Colleen. Run.
Jeffrey Heine:And so, she bolted with me. But then, something ancient
Connor Coskery:and primal kind of came back back just as the axe blade nicked the side of the hard sports ball, sending it flying through the ears, directed no doubt by the hands of a 1000 hilarious angels. And when Colleen woke up, we were still friends. But she had a giant lump on her head. There is a way that seems right to a person but its way is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12.
Connor Coskery:Today, we are going to be looking at friendship in the book of Proverbs. What is the reason for friendship? Why is it God ordained? Why is it so important? And at the beginning of this, I need to confess something to you.
Connor Coskery:I have an interesting relationship with the book of Proverbs. As I was growing up, I didn't quite understand it. And if I'm honest, even to this day it kind of annoys me a little bit. What is it doing in here? I just you're reading the bible.
Connor Coskery:It's the history of redemption. You just finish a beautiful book of poetry and songs and then there's a book of advice and sayings. It feels like the gift you received from a well meaning aunt at your homeschool graduation. But along with that confession, I need to also confess something else. I know the reason why I don't take naturally to the book of Proverbs.
Connor Coskery:And it's this. I wanna make my own wisdom. Now proverbs does say that wisdom comes through experience, but it also teaches that our individual experiences are limited and skewed. And if we don't look to others for their wisdom, according to Proverbs, that makes us fools. Which is ultimately why I need this in all aspects of my life.
Connor Coskery:Specifically today, when it comes to friendship. Now, I actually sought out wisdom from my mom, when I started studying this. My mom, and I, and my brother Josh, we were the 3 that were in the house when my parents were divorced. And we were kind of bonded through that. And she has been reading a proverb a day for over 40 years.
Connor Coskery:And so I went to her and I said mom, what is it about Proverbs that keeps you going back to it? And with full of wisdom she looked at me and said well it's because there's 31 chapters and there's usually 31 chapters in the month. Which is like the most Proverbs response you could possibly get to that question. I look to Proverbs during the study and I hope we find a day that I need it to tell me how to be a friend because I often fail. I've been blessed with deep good friendships.
Connor Coskery:But I've also experienced in my life bad friendships. And I've been a bad friend. I've ran people off because the relationship was just too draining. Without seeking any counsel sometimes, I've done this. Or worse, only the counsel of people I know who would agree with me.
Connor Coskery:I need to know what it means to be a friend. I get it wrong. And I bet you do too. So today we're gonna look at friendship in the book of Proverbs specifically in 3 different ways. The first way we're gonna look at it is how friends help fulfill our purpose as humans.
Connor Coskery:2nd way is how a close friend is there to protect us. And why The third reason why we need friends to be present with us. That's right. Purpose, protection, presence. This is a 3 point sermon with every point beginning with the letter p.
Connor Coskery:Take that Tim Keller. So let's first talk about why we need friends to help fulfill our purpose as humans. Proverbs 18:1. It's in your bulletin. One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires.
Connor Coskery:He rebels against all sound wisdom. Now there's a simple practice that I've been taught that whenever you begin a study on in scripture, you would just do yourself a favor and go back and read the first few chapters of Genesis. In those first few chapters of the bible, it is packed with themes that will run throughout the entirety of scripture. It is the first place we see the absolute power and patience of God. His communal nature.
Connor Coskery:The calling of man to work. The calling of man to rest. And it's also the place that we see the birth of death, guilt, shame, betrayal, sin that hunts you, and so much more. And wouldn't you know it, in Genesis 2, we get the first wisdom spoken about man over man. You can turn there if you want.
Connor Coskery:We're gonna be there for just a little bit. But Genesis 2, we see God creates Adam for a purpose. He makes him out of the earth to take care of the earth. Genesis 2:15. The Lord God took the man and placed him in the garden of Eden to work it and watch over it.
Connor Coskery:And just as God gives him a purpose right after this, the very next verse, he's gonna give him the first command or the first instance of the law. Genesis 2 16. And the lord God commanded the man, you are free to eat from any tree of the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. For on the day you eat from it, you will certainly die. So he gives man his purpose.
Connor Coskery:Then he gives man the first command. And then it happens. The first utterance of wisdom is spoken over man and it's this. Then the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. This passage is powerful when it is applied to marriage.
Connor Coskery:And that's why it's used throughout generations. It's been used in Christian wedding ceremonies. But this speaks not only to marriage, but also to our basic humanity. What it means to be a person. Human beings are not meant to follow the purposes of their life or the calling of God alone.
Connor Coskery:And also, it speaks to the fact that we fully can't be who we are without another person. Now I've seen this most clearly as I've gotten older. And I've started to see some of my friends and relatives pass away. There's a saying that I'm sure you've heard which is that when somebody dies, it feels like a part of you died too. I remember, when my grandfather was describing what it was like when we lost my grandmother.
Connor Coskery:And he said, it's like there's no salt at the table. C s Lewis even wrote about this a little bit. He had a legendary group of friends called the Inklings. Don't you wish your Ferrante Coop had like a cool name? I think it's a cool name.
Connor Coskery:I'm a nerd. And they would get together and they would exchange writings. They were all writers and artists and, one of the members was a small artist named jr r Tolkien, or as Lewis would call him, Ronald. Another one of the members was the writer Charles Williams. And Charles was the first in their group to pass away.
Connor Coskery:And Lewis observed something about the group dynamic. When Charles passed away, he thought, well, you have one person leaving a group and they take up space and time within that group. So, even though this is sad, isn't there a positive that maybe we would gain time for others to step in maybe and share time with that? And he observed basically the opposite. And he talks about it specifically in what happened to J.
Connor Coskery:R. R. Tolkien and Ronald. In each of my friends, there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity.
Connor Coskery:Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald's reaction to a specifically Charles joke. Far from having more of Ronald, I have less of Ronald. But there's an equal joy he also describes, which is when we get to meet the generations of family members that have always been destined to bring out an aspect of praise in us that only they could. Basically, that whole scenario of only Ronald laughs this way, when only Charles tells this type of joke, the very Charles joke. We get that for eternity with one another.
Connor Coskery:We will be telling each other our individual stories of redemption. And Lewis says that we will be then like the seraphim in Isaiah's vision. Crying what we sang earlier. Holy, holy, holy to one another. He says the more we share the heavenly bread between us, the more we shall have.
Connor Coskery:We need one another. We are meant to be in close community. And even Jesus modeled this for us. Think about this. Why on earth would Jesus need friends?
Connor Coskery:He had a perfect relationship with his heavenly father and he knew his mission. Wouldn't friends just get in the way of his purpose? Why would he waste his time being friends with someone like Peter, John or Judas. We read in Luke that as Jesus grew as a child, he increased in wisdom. And then we see one of the first steps in his earthly ministry was calling friends to himself.
Connor Coskery:They did not hinder his purpose. His friends were part of his purpose. They advanced it. And as an aside, when we're talking about the dangers of isolation, I'm not talking about the dangers of solitude, times of specific solitude. My wife is an introvert.
Connor Coskery:I get it. It's needed. Jesus did that. He would take time in solitude. But what I am speaking against is the intentional isolation that you will sometimes put yourself in.
Connor Coskery:Or you think that the purpose of life is just to optimize every single moment so you cut people out that waste your time. And that the goal of life is just for me to have a good one on one relationship with God. In John Mark Comer's The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, he draws a clear line between solitude and isolation. Quote, the 2 are worlds apart. Solitude is engagement.
Connor Coskery:Isolation is escape. Solitude is safety. Isolation is danger. Solitude is how you open yourself up to god. Isolation is painting a target on your back for the tempter.
Connor Coskery:Solitude is when you set aside time to feed and water and nourish your soul, to let it grow into health and maturity. Isolation is what you crave when you neglect the former. Jesus made time for solitude but he also invited friends into his purpose and into theirs fully. What purpose has God placed on your life? I promise you, you are not meant to get there alone.
Connor Coskery:So that's the first point. How a friend is there. The next is, how a friend is there to protect us. A good friend is there to protect us. In Proverbs 18:1, it speaks on how it is unwise to be isolated.
Connor Coskery:And the last verse of that chapter is Proverbs 18/24 and it bookends that thought but in a different way. Proverbs 18/24. It's in your bulletin. One with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother. So on the opposite end of this elected isolation, there's another unwise thing concerning friendship And it's what's called too many friends.
Connor Coskery:Too many voices, opinions, wisdom going into your head at all times. Now when the Proverbs were written, this danger usually seemed to be reserved for the wealthy. Proverbs 19 says, many seek a ruler's favor and everyone is a friend to one who gives gifts. Basically, if you've got money and position and power, everybody will be your friend. They wanna vie for your attention.
Connor Coskery:And this definitely applies now still to the wealthy. But if you're honest, whether you regard yourself as wealthy or not, we are in danger of too many friends or rather not having a trusted singular, deep friendship. Maybe you've been hurt before, so you avoid deep friendships. Or maybe you're so set on your career or your studies that you just don't have time for anything but work friends or acquaintances. Regardless, this proverb calls the lack of a deep trusted friendship not only unwise but it says you're putting yourself in danger.
Connor Coskery:I find that I open myself up to this every time I basically open up my smartphone. There's nothing wrong with actually receiving information. But I find that it's developed in me a bad habit. I don't like silence. So I'll fill my ears with conversations and opinions from people who don't know me and who I don't know.
Connor Coskery:I don't wanna be bored so I'll pull up Youtube clips from people who don't care for me and who I'm not in charge to care for. It's just information coming into my mind. And the more I do this, the more I listen to things inside of my head, especially when I don't process them with a trusted friend, the more I allow other sources to be elevated to a position of influence over my heart that is only to be reserved for good friends. So for me, technology is the way that I invite that in a lot of times. And I need to be aware of this.
Connor Coskery:But yours may be different. What sources have you given that privileged position of friend to, even though they are not your friend. Proverbs 18/24 gives me a vision of a battle. And the many friends are the ones in front of you that are supposed to be there to defend you, protect you. But their attention is fleeting.
Connor Coskery:And they get distracted and they move on. And you're exposed. You're abandoned the moment that you need them. After the first service today, it was incredible to see people come up and say, I had a hard friendship. I had someone that hurt me.
Connor Coskery:And talk to them about that. But that verse doesn't end with just the many friends. It ends with a hope, which is wonderful, that there is a friend that stays closer than a brother. This is someone who is a trusted friend. Someone who with is with you no matter what.
Connor Coskery:Someone who is there to protect you and stand in the gap. The Captain America translation of this proverb would be, I'm with you to the end of the line, Bucky. That's my major nerd reference today. This friend stays with you. This friend is there to look out for you.
Connor Coskery:And ultimately when I went through Proverbs, I found everything pointing to this last point here. Not just that a friend is there for your purpose. Not just that a friend is there to protect you. But the last point is a friend is there to be present with you. Present with you.
Connor Coskery:Proverbs 14 13. Even in laughter, a heart may be sad and joy may end in grief. Proverbs 17 17 A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a difficult time. Last year, my siblings and I laid our father to rest in a small town away from Birmingham. And I remember the moment that the funeral home door opened and a few of my very close friends from Birmingham walked through.
Connor Coskery:And I thought, of course, they're here. Of course, they're here. For some time, Redeemer had a tradition that during the summer, we would take over a coffee shop or a brewery, and we'd have these things called theological talkbacks where we'd invite speakers to come in and share, and then we'd ask them questions afterwards. In 2018, at one of these, a friend of Redeemer and regular chaplain at UAB Hospital, Susan Godfrey Simmons gave a talk on what was called the ministry of presence. Ironically, I was not present for that particular lecture on presence.
Connor Coskery:But I listened to the podcast which as we referenced earlier is a thing I do. And it's still on the archives atrcbirmingham.org. You should totally go and listen to it. As I listened to her speak about this thing that I had never heard of called the ministry of presence, something started coming into focus for me. Something I've always known about the character of God and about his calling on his image bearers.
Connor Coskery:The ministry of presence. This is a thing that she described, through the lens of walking into a hospital room and seeing someone in pain or in sickness. And you get this overwhelming feel overwhelming feeling that I should just say something. I need to say the right thing. If I could just say the right thing, all would be well.
Connor Coskery:You may have that specific lens to view this through of a hospital room. But I guarantee you, you've been there. Or you've been the person sick and hurting and a friend walks in. And this is the ministry of presence. Quote, contrary to our human instinct to find the right thing to say or to actually do something, The ministry of presence offers yourself an attentive listening presence that reminds the other that they are not alone.
Connor Coskery:This spiritual practice is difficult because it is not immediately accomplishing a task. It involves waiting. It involves listening. But when we offer our physical presence to someone in pain, we are joined with the ministry of Christ. The one who draws near, the one who dwelt among, the one who carried our yoke upon him.
Connor Coskery:This is where this all leads. The wisdom of friendship points to a friend who is present. Someone who is with someone else in pain. They're to sit. They're to listen.
Connor Coskery:They're to protect. They're to stand in the gap. Everything stems from this. And knowing this, it makes the failure of humanity's first friendship all the more heartbreaking. Back to Genesis.
Connor Coskery:So Eve took of some of the fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate. We seek independence. More than godly dependence with our friends. We elevate so many things to influence us even over good friendships.
Connor Coskery:And we fail to be present countless times with friends when they are in need. We fail to see when someone is, as the proverb said, is laughing but there's sorrow behind it. We can't see it. Praise god for Christ. Emmanuel.
Connor Coskery:God with us. The word became flesh and dwelt among us. The God who held children in his lap and touched the hands of the sick and lowly. This is our God. The one who told stories of Good Samaritans and loved the tax collector and the zealot.
Connor Coskery:This is our God. The one who allowed Judas to kiss him knowing it meant betrayal. This is our God. The one who gave us our purpose and gave us a new command in the gospel of John. This is my command, that you love one another as I have loved you.
Connor Coskery:Greater love has no one than this that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing. But I have called you friends. For all that I have heard from my father, I have made known to you.
Connor Coskery:I knew I was gonna cry. In extreme quarantine situations in hospitals, nurses will often get 2 gloves and they will tie the fingers of the gloves together. And then they'll fill each of the gloves with warm water and then tie the cuffs separately, creating kind of a clamshell. They'll go into the isolated person's room and they'll slip their hand in between the two gloves. So it feels like someone is always holding their hand, that they're not forgotten.
Connor Coskery:And they call this the hand of God. After Christ ascended, the Holy Spirit was released to come and live in us so that we might have the power of God to obey this new command to love one another, but also so that we would have a promise that when we are bad friends, he's faithful to forgive us. And he is a good friend. What a friend. Amen.