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Losing weight should't be expensive or complicated. The ideal process would reduce our stress while driving results. Dr. Z weaves together his perspective on physical and mental health and the powerful way that fasting can connect these two spheres of our lives. Let's move toward total wellness and a holistic vision of health and healing. Learn more at SimpleFasting.com
Do you ever.
Change your behavior.
Change the way you're thinking. Change the way you're acting. Maybe even change the way you're eating.
Just to please somebody else.
Such a common thing. We're going to dive deep on it today.
Our desire to seek approval from people is just it's hard wired way down in their.
If you think about
how we grow and develop
and it's it's hard to believe when we're all there is like we used to be, this little baby. We had to cry out. We had to seek attention.
And as we grow up,
like we're so dependent on everybody else, we have to seek approval.
we need to please the people who are strong and give us food.
And so we have these habits and patterns that are ingrained. We want to please people and now we find ourselves in a world where.
So many decisions, so much peer pressure, so many people with opinions and perspectives.
Who's path are we on? That's what I want to ask. Are we on our path or are we on someone else's path?
It's hard enough to walk our own path
is where we want to go today. Hard enough
to take the steps that we need to take on our own path without trying to walk on somebody else's.
A big part of seeking approval from people say, we just want to appear normal.
We want other people to think, oh, everybody doing the normal thing, nobody stepping out. This is create such conformity and action.
Can you feel that
we're we're aware of how we're acting. And so when we stepping out, we can feel like, oh, what is someone else going to think?
It can turn our life into a performance.
And we do not want that. We don't want to be actors in our own life.
I think this is the big question. If we drill right down to the bottom of it,
we ask ourselves this invisible question that can just permeate everything. All of our decision making, like, what are people going to think of me? Do you ever ask that?
What are people going to think?
Maybe you run into that with eating. In particular,
the things I like about fasting is, a practice. It's not flashy. It's nothing. You don't have to even really do anything. And so it can be a private personal practice. You don't have to broadcast dinner, tell anybody you're doing it, but it can run into a situation. Do you ever have it is like, maybe if it was just up to you, you wouldn't be eating.
But then there's pressure to eat.
Some other person says, oh, fasting if they don't like it.
Or maybe it's that they don't like it, that they feel like.
It's a mirror. We talk about how fasting can be a mirror for ourselves. Fasting can be a mirror for other people.
People on a different path can feel confronted by it. Oh, here is a person who is stepping out courageously, doing something different
that can be reflecting a mirror to other people. They might not like it. Take that mirror away from me.
That's getting us into navigating, you know, tricky emotional space especially, you know, if it's with friends or family. You don't want to offend anyone.
But then it's like,
do you want to offend yourself either? This is where we want to turn it inside and look.
Do we have authenticity
in our eating and in our action? Are we being true to ourselves
or are we offending ourselves?
Are we putting everybody else's needs, our perspectives, or what we think are other people's needs and perspectives
ahead of our own actions?
People run into that. I talk to people say, even going to the doctor. I have a lot of talk with people about that.
Are you do you tell people things you think people want to hear, or you're with family or with friends?
Okay, we'll be diving into this today. Deeper.
Better to live your own destiny imperfectly. And to live in imitation of someone else's life with perfection.
Isn't that profound?
I love that because I say that a lot. Right? We don't have to be perfect. Perfection. Not required. As you're moving toward health, as you're moving toward weight loss. We want a practice
that is gentle, thoughtful, and therefore sustainable. That's what I want most of all.
That's our path.
And so we want to be really intentional about walking on our path, living our own life, following our destiny in as imperfectly as we may, do it.
When we're trying to create a performance, I think this is what it can be.
Try to please other people.
Nothing wrong with pleasing people, per se, but we have to be living in alignment. If our identity is coming from pleasing other people with our actions, as opposed to simply being who we actually are, that is not setting up a stable, or thoughtful, emotional, space, I say.
And then we layer on and we realize that everybody has the potential of doing this.
Everybody
is, as a general rule, do you think it's fair to say,
trying to please other people, trying to create impressions?
Everybody have a mask on, everybody trying to do things to say, oh, look, this is how I'm acting. I'm eating in socially appropriate ways. Social conformity.
Do you find spaces in your life where you're doing that? But then everybody's doing it and you start to realize the facade of it.
Like so many of the topics that we've been covering, regrets and anger.
Mental processes that are taking up emotional space, we're trying to move in a powerful direction of health. We're trying to make difficult changes in life, things that are difficult for many people. Many people have the idea, of course, say, hey, I'm going to make a change.
I'm going to get healthier. I'm going to start making different decisions with movement and food choices.
Open up a fasting space. I'm going to dive into this.
As we really want to open up, especially make this powerful foundation for every other good practice.
We want to let go of everything that doesn't serve that.
We can end up trapped if we're if we're seeking
our validation
through other people. Say, I'm taking an action. It's not necessarily true to myself.
It's like putting ourself in a little box where now it's like
our mental activity. We're thinking, well, what will this person thing, but will that person think?
It can be like living in a hall of mirrors, I say, because it's like everybody thinking that, everybody trying to kind of keep up these perspectives.
Maybe this is a spot for the journal today. Are there areas in my life? This is what I'm going to be reflecting on today,
other areas in my life where I'm making decisions just to keep up appearances, just to do something that someone else has an expectation.
If we're trying to focus on our eating specifically, maybe that's a way to dial it in deeper. Are there ways that I'm eating, or are there food choices that I'm making that are more about pleasing other people than pleasing myself, than walking on my path?
I've talked a lot about building our awareness practice. Maybe this is a place when we're making decisions.
Are there split second thoughts that are coming in,
or we're seeing where we're thinking we're going to make a decision,
but then we think, well,
what would be the thing that would make me look smarter? What would be
the thing that would be more agreeable versus what do I really want? That's the question. I really want to help people dial in on
what do I really want?
We're here in December. We're on a weight challenge. We're trying to drop 5 pounds. If you're on that path.
Over the next three weeks,
we launch through our first week, dialing through our second week. Say what are the practices that I can do in this day that helps me take this step in this day?
The only opportunity we have to take this step in this day.
Nobody else. And our exact path in this day.
Maybe your path looks a little different from someone else's. No doubt it will.
When you don't need someone else's approval, when our actions. When our sense of worth, our well-being, our knowledge of ourself. When we know what path we're on,
we don't need approval from other people. That's a path of strength.
So many times
I think if we're not really sure of ourself,
we don't really know what path we're on. Then we're open, you know, to manipulation being pushed around by other people's perspectives, by advertising.
We spend a lot of time over the last, couple of months thinking about,
okay, how priming, how advertising and messages come to us kind of shape our perspective of what's normal. That's why we want to really do this deep work, really ground ourselves, let go of everything that doesn't serve us, get into an emotional, mental, and physical space that is extremely grounded and present.
This is why we flow through the space, the journal, the meditations so that we can really get to know ourselves,
really get to understand our path, our values, what is important to us in this moment.
Then you can't be pushed around by advertising.
Then
a culture that you say, this culture not really taking us in a good direction, not really a healthy, grounded, peaceful culture.
That's flowing gently toward health.
We don't need approval from that.
This is what's coming to me right now.
Do I want approval from something like that now? I don't personally.
That we don't want an approval from a culture like that. And then as I'm thinking about it, say, well, it gets difficult. The difficulty being in relationships that we have, I think one of the most difficult places to be in
is if you have a close relationship with someone who's not really interested in walking on a health path with you,
that can be very difficult.
Of course, I think, well, we do want approval, especially from the people who are closest to us.
So then we've got to really delineate that and find the line that is the very most thoughtful way to move forward.
We want self approval being true to ourself in alignment, finding a way to be true to that
without seeking approval from people we care about.
But navigating the line where we are careful and thoughtful and gentle with them that we're both true to ourselves and helpful to other people.
No, I think, a difficult scenario and a way I see this play out a lot with people, especially in a partner relationship. One partner really wanting a dive in, unhealthy other not.
The tendency is that the person who is not on the path
pulls the person in that direction. That's what that's what the default is. We've spent a lot of time talking lately about complacency and how so much of the default, mechanisms is in our brain leads us into paths of complacency.
Perhaps always seeking approval from other people. Very hard to
do that. And come to a place where you can change. Always. Someone has to step out.
And so if we're moving toward health.
Realize what really is the caring thing to do is not just to seek approval from someone that you care about,
but also to move toward health, to make a health a priority. We want healthy relationships
moving toward health.
In alignment with our core being
feeling to me in this moment has to be the foundation of truly healthy relationships.
Codependency. Relationships where we support people in paths of this health is not
a strong foundation for healthy relationships, for health or healthy relationships.
I say bring it down to this root level.
Seek approval from our selves first.
Are there places you see this showing up at other places that this has been a struggle with you, for you,
where you're seeking outside of yourself for approval? And is it changing things? Do you feel it pushing you off of a path?
Are there places where you see oh, I have I am seeking approval from this where you just need to say, hey, this I need to just move away from that.
Are there toxic influences or relationships that you have that you say, I'm always seeking to please this, but it's not taking me in a better way. Is that an area?
I just throw it out there? Is there some places we need to say no more of that?
We need to carve away some space for yourself to focus in, dial in on your own path and nobody else's.
Many times when we do that sort of thing, it's hard to say no to something. It's hard. If we've been seeking approval from something, we put a lot of emotional energy into it.
Can think of that sunk cost fallacy. It's like if we are saying no to something, we feel like, oh, we've lost this effort that we have put into it.
Especially if it's something like a relationship. It can be hard for something like that to go. But when we start acting in a way that is authentic to ourself,
I love that saying. We've said it before,
you have to say no to good things, you know, and then in order to open up space for better things
so fast in giving us this mere
saying no to food.
Food is very good, right? For saying no to food for a period of time. Open up space for something better now. Autophagy effect a cleansing effect. We want both these things to come into balance. We say no.
To something. They're not authentic. How do we open up space for something better, more authentic relationships that value the actual path that we are on?
This is what we should be seeking.
Being true to our self and attracting people that want that sort of thing. Let's say I see who you really are and I value that. We want relationships that are based on that.
And we want to free up the emotional space that we don't have to be performing or pretending, putting on any kind of a mask facade to be anything else than who we exactly truthfully are. That would be the ideal, state.
Not at all.
Not at all. To be selfish.
Say, it's not that you don't care what other people think.
Just about living in alignment. Are we living in alignment? Are we being authentic with ourselves, changing who we are, what we value to please someone else because we think it's nice?
Isn't that just another form of manipulation? We don't want to be manipulated by anything, right? We're saying, how do we build a strong and resilient mindset so that we are resistant to the difficulty of culture, resistant to the influence of money and advertising on our decision making? Living true to our being.
Like this quote says,
we're living our destiny as imperfectly as it may be.
To change that, just because we think it's nice to someone to say, well, I'm not going to be doing that.
I'm not necessarily walking on my path anymore because
I'm trying to be nice to see that. That doesn't feel like being nice to me.
That's kind of that's what creates this whole culture and think how social media amplifies that.
Everybody putting on a front, everybody trying to manipulate people's emotional states. They just like me, like I'll behave this way. I'll change who I am, just like me, you know? Just think well of me.
That takes a lot of emotional space to do that. Do you ever
do that? I definitely know that I have done that.
In
the space, just as much for me because I don't want to do that. I
do not want to do it. We've got to get on our path. We've got to make our decisions when we're doing that, when we are living authentically
with the path that we're on very intentionally, then we open up the space to be actually, truly nice to truly have compassion for people to truly care about.
If
nothing fake about it.
Nothing like I'm trying to manipulate your perspective by acting in a certain way.
I'm being completely true to myself. I'm on this path, and then I genuinely we can genuinely, reflect that to be.
To me, this is how we float through a space. We're trying to get to this state, trying to take a fasting practice which people would say can be intense. It absolutely can be intense. And that's a very good thing. You need something intense
if you're trying to float in a different direction, of health, you want something powerful that can move you in a,
in a powerful way.
Then we take it and we put it into a container that is very thoughtful and gentle. That is like this.
Making sure we're being true to ourselves, not being manipulated by other people.
Where we can find,
like we are seeing true compassion for other people. True compassion, grace, kindness for ourself.
To me, this is the total inversion
we're taking fasting that our culture sees as something intense and difficult,
but bringing it down into this level of compassion, kindness, self-love.
Creating a deep reflection space like
burn away everything artificial. That's why I say keep out the synthetic food products. Keep out the artificial sweeteners, everything artificial.
That's the near. Physically fasting, giving us a space.
Clear everything out. Toxic stuff
physically in the body,
mirroring that in this emotional space. Not seeking approval from anything else. Anyone else
is part of that emotional cleansing process,
that a fasting practice also offers us want to bring those two together.
This is how we take a fasting process.
We shape it into a sustainable lifestyle of health.
Something that is part of our journey, part of our path. A tool that we can use.
To shape our relationship and experience with food.
To shape our physical and emotional experience.
Giving us a perspective.
Space of how we approach
relationships and all that we do.
When we stop seeking approval, from other people, we start seeking our own approval. We realize something, very profound.
Is that
if you say this with me, I am enough.
I am enough.
We don't need to earn approval from anyone else.
I
don't have to justify
their value or experience.
Shift their perspective from seeking
always external.
To being.
Just to be is good enough.
Take a big, deep breath.
Just to be.
No approval needed.
To.
Do some good reflection on these thoughts today.
I am going to be reflecting on them.
Taking the steps in this day.
Centering start to the day here.
Seeking our own approval, our own path, whatever that looks like for weight loss and health our whole life. Not walking anyone else's path. Being true to ourself
and, moving, moving forward in health.