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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Fallon: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. Welcome back to, I Saw the Sign with myself, Fallon Jay and Abby Hamble. We're so excited you're here and we're gonna drop right in. We are gonna be talking about the importance of human connection and how easily that gets lost in the busyness of life, and [00:01:00] little ways or big ways that you can make sure that you are.
Connecting deeper and more intentionally with those around you. Because something Abby and I were talking about is, obviously, we all know that that's important, but it's also one of the first things that we tend to procrastinate with or kind of put to the wayside or scroll on our phones a little bit longer versus putting them down and really meeting our kids or meeting our partner and, and remembering how good it feels to see somebody.
And to be seen by somebody.
Abby: Yes. I love that. And as you were talking, I was just thinking about how, you know, one of the three kind of basic tenets of humanity, it's like the things that we crave the most. It's love, safety, and belonging and that love piece and that belonging piece. It's when it [00:02:00] comes to human connection, it can be so easy, like you said, to, to put that part in the back burner because.
We get lost in our everyday lives, and there's always something that's gonna come up to distract you. And I mean, how many times have any of us really, but how many times have been like, oh, I'm gonna catch up with my friend, you know, so and so this week. Or We're gonna have a FaceTime date, or we run into each other at the grocery store and we're like, Ooh, I'd love to, you know, make plans to do something.
And then you never make plans because, The plans just keep getting pushed and pushed and pushed and because life is full of a bunch of distractions, unless you take that time to be, to be intentional about how you wanna be spending your time and who you wanna be spending it with.
Fallon: Yes, and this is something I've always really appreciated about you, is we've never lived close by each other and Abby's [00:03:00] amazing at being like, Hey, I'm free. Can you hop on a call? Just to catch up. And initially I'm always like, can I like, because you know, in this day and age we don't really talk on the phone that much with people.
And so, um, You know, I would invite you too and, and challenge you, like get out of your comfort zone of talking on the phone again. Like come back to the, the nineties and two thousands when we actually spoke with each other on the phone because it's, it's so refreshing. Like every time you and I have those long chats or even shorter ones, I get off and I'm like, oh God, that was so nourishing and we forget that, that taking that time to, to.
To connect and talk and listen and really hear each other and then also share, right? Be opening up the heart center and the vulnerability to share what's really going on in your inner world is how we water each other, and that's something you are really good about [00:04:00] doing is. Even if it's not planned right?
Like so it's great to make a phone date, but with you, you're great at being like, Hey, I'm free. Can you chat? And if I can, I do. We do. And it's always just the best phone calls.
Abby: My favorite is the last time we did this, when I called you out nowhere and you're like, Hey, is everything okay?
Fallon: You're like, yeah, I just wanted to talk.
Abby: I am just going for a walk and I just thought maybe you'd be a, maybe you were available.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: Um, yeah, and also one thing I was thinking as you were talking about that is I think that there is this idea. In today's world that you know, we're always kind of on. We're always moving. We're always going because we're always connected to our phones.
So it feels like there should be more connection because we are always connected, but really there's less, because if you're just getting a text message from somebody, you can glance at it and be like, Hmm, I'll reply to that later when I have more [00:05:00] time or when I. And sitting down or when I can really focus on it or something.
But if somebody calls you or if you're FaceTiming with somebody, then your focus is 100% on that person, on that connection. And, and, and it forces you to slow down and be in the moment. And like you said, share that. Real connection with somebody and you know, receive from them what you've been maybe needing and them receive, receive from you.
And getting that you said, which is just so beautiful. And I think for me, I've gotten into the practice of doing that a lot more because I have always lived, I mean, for the most part, a lot of my friends have always been scattered around the country. So it's like if I want to. If I wanna to keep those relationships like I do, then I feel good about reaching out and saying, Hey, would love to know [00:06:00] what's going on in your life, and I wanna share what's going on in mine and I wanna see what's happening, you know, and scheduling that priority.
But I find that with a lot of clients, This is one of the things that often comes up as one of their biggest priorities is like, I want to reconnect with, you know, my girlfriends, or I wanna have more of social life. Or maybe it's just reconnecting with their husband outside of your daily life of just like running your household together or being parents together, you know, and you wanna connect with them in a more meaningful way and, So it's just bringing, bringing it back to the forefront.
You know, bringing that, if that is something that you want, want to see grow, it's, you know, the simple kind of terminology. If you're, if you're wanting to plant those seeds, then you gotta put in the effort and, and water it.
Fallon: Yeah, tend to that garden. Yeah. And. You know, there's, there's [00:07:00] obviously different types of connection and I think, you know, I, well I know what we are talking about, but I think is often lost is the deeper connection of how are you, right? Like, cuz we, especially in partnership, you can go through and check the list of what we did today and we can keep it surface level and we can right, really fall into these routines. But like, but wait a second. The connection is how are, what's the inner world? What are you processing right now? How are you feeling about this right now? What feels heavy? Where's some low level anxiety? Right? Like getting that, that deeper self-awareness, but being willing to hold this space open to listen.
Um, you know, and I wanna speak to something else too, cause this will tie in. My mom and I use an app called Marco Polo to talk. It's great because then we're on video, but it's like walkie talk, right? Like we can send videos back and forth. But the thing that I miss about [00:08:00] the live conversation is the actual live reciprocation, the actual connection.
It's like we can, and we do this in text messages, like you said, we do this so much. It's, it's actually a one-sided. Feeling, which is not a bad way to process, but then it's like, there's just, the exchange is just different when it's through text or through like something like Marco Polo because there's, there's something really beautiful about the live. space, whether it's on the phone or FaceTime or Zoom like this, there's something really beautiful about like, just really listening. And that's also something I've been deeply practicing cuz I have a tendency to get excited and want to interrupt is connecting by really pausing and am I hearing, am I actively listening?
Um, and then making time for that. So like with my mom making time to like actually get on the phone. Outside of the one-sided back and forth, which is a great for like updates. [00:09:00] I love it. And I really recognize through that process, it's amazing. But the live component brings just a, a, it's a live connection.
So it's gonna, it's just gonna feel different, gonna be different. Gonna water your garden differently.
Abby: Yeah, and one thing I was thinking about too is. That we can get so caught in, like you don't realize how, how deeply you get caught in your own head and in your own feelings and how when you do experience that connection. Like yesterday, I, um, I ended up talking back to back with two of my friends, which was really beautiful and I hadn't talked to them on the phone in a while, and I just felt so good after that.
And. And this is coming off of a, you know, a week or two weeks that have been, um, extra stressful and extra, um, you know, kind of living in my own, [00:10:00] in my own head, living own stress and living in my own, um, projections of what was gonna happen.
Fallon: Yeah, it was a big, it's been a big week. Big couple weeks. Yeah.
Abby: Um, but. But until you, you know, take that time to, to connect with somebody or even, you know, the, the first and foremost, the connection with yourself, and that was what I did today. I, I hadn't done any, um, any, why can I not think of the word? Um, like free writing or automatic in a while. Um, or at least, you know, in the past couple weeks and.
And so I was laying down, I was laying down on my bed, Earl was sitting down on the bed and I was trying to journal and um, and I had my, my brother's dog is, you know, laying next to me on the bed. And I keep trying to write, and then she keeps, you know, and in my head I'm like, you know, I'm writing down and I'm asking, like, for guidance, you know, and then meanwhile she keeps like, she's [00:11:00] like, keeps putting her upon me.
Like, I, come on, like, I want you to like, love me and like pet me and like, be here with me, you know? I was like, Hmm, I wonder if that is the, if that's actually the message is, it's not about going deep into some, you know, some big thing that I'm supposed to receive, but maybe it's just me sitting here and just being with the dog and giving, you know, giving love, giving attention, and having that connection, and then how can I do that with everybody else in my life that I love, and how can I be intentional about.
Creating that connection with the people around me.
Fallon: Yeah. It's so funny you say this because right before this call, you know, I got home, I was running errands this morning and had different calls, and my little dog, Georgia, you know, she's always so excited to see me. I'm like, Hey, hey, hey, what's up, G? And then I, you know, go to the bathroom and I'm, and right before the call I'm like, oh my God.
I didn't even like connect with her. I didn't even really acknowledge, like I acknowledge her, but I didn't. [00:12:00] Acknowledge her. So I went to the couch and I was like, Hey G, I'm so sorry I'm so busy. I love you. Thank you for being such a good dog. And she was so content. Um, but it's funny you say that cuz pets are so easily overlooked sometimes because they're just so accepting and loving.
But, but it's so important as we're talking. To first of all, connect with yourself because if you're not connected with yourself, it's gonna be really hard to connect with others because you're gonna be more in your head versus in your heart. But, you know, so a way that I'd connect with my daughter every night is when I put her to bed.
And if you've ever listened to any old episodes, uh oh, they're so old, they're not. Um, past episodes at some point I've mentioned that bedtime, it's not anymore, did not used to be my favorite time of the day. Bedtime was like, let's get this ship, let's get this ship going and get, get to bed so I can move on for the night.
And now it's actually my favorite time because it's where I connect with Nova. We don't have [00:13:00] screens around. We don't have, we're not trying, I'm not trying to cook dinner while getting her homework done, right. There's just no other distractions other than I lay in her bed with her. We talk about the day.
I just listen to what's on her mind. I lay next to her and we pray together. And I always, you know, do you wanna pray? Do you want me to pray? And it's, our prayer is just about gratitude and then asking for healing while we sleep. And, and it's that 10 minutes, I mean, that's probably as much as it is, is 10 minutes, maybe 15.
That has become my favorite time of the day now because of the genuine connection. There's no direction that we need to go. There's just. Let me just listen to you kind of chit. She likes to chitchat. She calls it Mama wanna chitchat. Um, and that's important for her, you know, and it's important for me. It feels my cup because it re, it reminds me that this time with her is so fleeting.
And the thing is, is like, it doesn't even matter her age because [00:14:00] time with each other as humans is fleeting if we're being really honest. So who has been on your mind lately? Because usually that comes to our angels will be like a repetition of somebody. We're thinking about somebody, and that's probably cuz they're thinking about you.
What if you just reached out to them and say, Hey, like, like, and meet that friend, that friend that's been asking you to coffee or the person that's on your mind. Take time and, and really meet them, right? Yeah.
Abby: I love that. I love having that. Um, cuz what a, like what a beautiful intentional space like this really, it's like such a beautiful, safe, non-judgmental space that kind of closes out your day and then also opens. The next day to whatever possibilities are gonna come. And I love that practice and yeah, that's what I was gonna say, just like who are the people that you have been wanting [00:15:00] to connect more with or, and maybe that's yourself, maybe that's your partner.
Maybe that is just reconnecting with your girlfriends because you've been. Wanting to, you know, just have some fun or go out dancing or, you know, just have that girl time and do whatever you wanna do. Um, but just, I don't know, think about it and then let yourself do it and put it on the calendar and acknowledge that it is.
Important and necessary because like we said in the beginning, it's one of the things that is the easiest to push off and is also one of the easiest things to probably do, and the easiest thing that will make you feel so much better, so much more connected, so much more like a human being
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: just taking.
Fallon: Yeah. I'm like you said, your client's top values and [00:16:00] priorities, and I hear this too, is I want to be more present for my children or my loved ones or my family. And it's up to us to take the action on that. You know, we can say what we want all day long, but if we don't actually make it a priority, then it's not going to happen.
And I, I really think that when we're at that stage of our life and we're, you know, later in life, hopefully, and we're looking back and we're kind of on our deathbed. I don't think it's gonna be remembering all the house projects or all the meetings, right? Like we can logically understand that that's probably not what's gonna matter. That's probably not what we're gonna be. Remember, we're gonna remember the connections, the way we felt, the way we loved, the way we were loved. That's really what people take with them. And so why not maximize that as much as possible and trust that anything else is gonna also get done. Cause like what if when like our conversations right?
Are, [00:17:00] are just really fulfilling, nourishing conversations. They rejuvenate us, they recharge our batteries and then all the other stuff ends up getting done from more joyous energy too. And less like, oh, I gotta get this done. I gotta less to-do list and more like get list.
Abby: Yeah, it reminds me my, um, the thing I always say to my one, my one client, um, Just, you know, fun stuffing or joy stuffing and it's like putting, you know, how can you stuff more of these things into your days, into your weeks, into your months. Just the things that make you feel good, the things that make you feel happy and the things that give you energy, you know, because the things that you energy means that all of the things that do take.
Your energy like you're get shit done extra quick.
Fallon: Yeah, it's true. Yeah. And there's a level of vulnerability too. That's the last thing I wanted to speak to was if you've been [00:18:00] disconnected, And you're in this rut or this routine with a partner or a friend, or you haven't, you know, I have friends locally that I haven't seen in a while, and there's a level of vulnerability that's going to have to happen again to connect, right?
And so don't let the fear of the vulnerability or let the fear be there, but don't let it stop you. Like let that be your guide of, Ooh, we're just a little bit disconnected. This is important to me. I want to reconnect, which means I'm gonna have to drop into my heart because I know that I can't just surface level this and I, nor do I want to.
And then if you're reconnecting with a partner at a deeper level, that means you gotta kind of open up your heart again and be like, this is actually how I'm feeling. Whether it has to do with them or just life in general. So let, it's okay that the fear or the discomfort be there, but don't let that stop you.
Don't let the vulnerability fear stop you or close you down, or,
Abby: And don't let yourself get, um, sucked into the drama [00:19:00] of, in your head about it. Like, oh my God, if I, I text her, is she gonna be like, why is she texting me? Like, text her and send her a nice message about how you've missed up lately and you'd love to see her. Like, I think sometimes we make things so much harder.
I mean, and by sometimes I mean all the time, but.
Fallon: Yeah, I was talking with a client the other day and she was just saying how she overthinks everything after, um, hanging out with friends and she's like, I just don't understand. I'm so hard on myself, but they're over there just fine. They're not thinking anything. And I said, but how do you know? Do you tell them that you're overthinking the conversations you just had?
She's like, well, no. And I said, so we don't, we don't actually know. You're just creating a story based on how difficult and uncomfortable this is for you when you're in an overthinking space. But like they might also be overthinking a conversation or something. So yeah, to Abby's point, like just recognize you're gonna tell [00:20:00] stories in your head and make things be a whole thing and just do the damn thing anyways. Do make the connection anyways, because if you don't try, you won't. You won't know, you know, and there could be something really beautiful there, or at least you'll get clarity.
Abby: Yeah. Yeah. In Alaska, Thing I wanna say is, I said this before, but I wanna just reiterate that, um, one of the stories you're gonna tell yourself too is that, uh, it's not that important
Fallon: Mm.
Abby: it is important. It's, that's why I say, you know, identify the people, the, like whatever you wanna connect with the people that you wanna have in your life, and then let yourself do it.
Let yourself connect with them. Let yourself reach out and don't. Fall for the story that you'll do it tomorrow or it's not that important. It's not that big of a deal
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: because, and [00:21:00] you deserve to have that connection in your life.
Fallon: Yes. Beautifully wrapped up. I love it. Let us know what you think. Who are you gonna be connecting with this weekend? Well, when you get this up? Yeah. This weekend. Oh my gosh. Time is flying. Who has been on your mind repetitively? Who is in your life right now that you would like to? Drop in deeper with, let us know, share with us the experience or the apprehension.
We'd love to hear. And if you haven't yet, please go to, um, your podcast rate and review the show. That really helps us get this out there to more people. Share it in your stories as well. We'd love to connect with you and you're always welcome to DM Abby. I.
Abby: Yes. And as we're dropping this in real time, um, everybody have a beautiful and wonderful, um, holiday weekend.
Fallon: Yes. Independence Day weekend. Yes, I'm safe. Amazing.
Abby: exactly.
Fallon: We'll see you next [00:22:00] week. We love you.
Abby: Love you.