Riding The Wave | Keeping the Flame Lit: 18 Years of Riding the Marriage Wave

This episode is a DOOZYl, featuring AYD and his wife Tasha dropping some serious knowledge about their 18-year marriage journey. They dive deep into the ups and downs of their relationship, from rocky beginnings to smooth sailing, keeping it real every step of the way.

AYD and Tasha don't shy away from the heavy stuff. They open up about past struggles, including AYD's drinking and emotional challenges, and how they've worked through them together. But it's not all choppy waters – they share some killer tips on how to keep your relationship stoked, like showing affection and making time for each other. Plus, they tackle the unique challenges of blended families and how they've made it work.

This episode is packed with real-world advice for anyone looking to strengthen their relationship. Whether you're just starting out or you've been riding the marriage wave for years, AYD and Tasha's insights will help you navigate the sometimes turbulent waters of love and commitment. So grab your partner and tune in for this awesome conversation.

Creators & Guests

Host

AYD

Host

James "MJ" Escalera

What is Riding The Wave ?

Welcome to the Riding the Wave podcast, where we talk about the daily struggles we call life. In being a part of this community, we want to hear your high and low tides. With no judgment! The purpose of this podcast is to connect with our audience and try to put ourselves in your shoes. We are here to motivate to all our listeners but also give any of you Kings and Queens an opportunity to share your story. With unity, we can overcome any obstacle. The first step of overcoming challenges is to face them head-on. No more deflecting or hiding our pain with a smile. It's time for enlightenment. At Riding the Wave, we put YOU , the audience FIRST. Join us on this voyage and discover the pursuit of happiness.

What's up everybody, welcome back to Riding the Wave with your host, AYD MJ in the house y'all better run in the house. You know who it is and of course today we have a special guest, the wifey. Hey, that's me.

Introduce yourself. It's me, I'm Tasha. A.K.A. Keisha.

Yes. That's A.K.A. I was going to say A.K.A. Na-tizzle Yes, that's me.

Thank you for joining us, it's a long time coming and we're super excited to have you on board today. She actually is just here just because she wants to confirm we're really having a podcast. This is her confirmation.

She didn't believe we were doing this shit bro. Or she wanted to see how serious our relationship is, our friendship. But first, ladies and gentlemen, we got to do what we do, the cheers.

Thank you, Lou, for coming on. You got all you guys out there, I hope you guys are having an amazing day, amazing week. Beautiful.

So how's everybody's, how's everybody's current? My current? My current's good. My current's pretty good. It was a little choppy during the week, but it's Friday now, so it's good.

I feel good, I'm ready for the weekend. I'm ready for the weekend, yeah. My current is, again, like last, you know, I've been really working on myself and everything's been going smooth.

A little hiccups here and there, you know, just a little bit of a different current, but for the most part everything's been going in my favor so I'm definitely blessed and grateful. Do you guys care to discuss the choppiness or anything like that since this is what it's about? Choppiness. Life.

We got a disagreement. Okay, all right. But first before we get into it we got to give our shout out to our people out there.

We got to give our shout out to our people. So first, ladies first, any shout outs that you want to give? I'm going to give a shout out to the ladies for the ladies. You know what, the moms too.

The ladies and then the ladies, the moms because we're putting in work, getting it done, providing for the kids. So shout out to y'all. That's what's up.

MJ? I want to give a shout out to our viewers and our listeners. I just want to say thank you guys for tuning in and helping this channel grow. We definitely can't do this channel without you guys.

We all want to just say thank you. Thank you very much for tuning in and just supporting us on this voyage. Yeah, definitely.

For sure. Like that. Like both of you guys.

Shout out. Well, I got two of them. First, a shout out to Flaco.

I appreciate you, brother, for everything that you do for not only myself, but the family. You are amazing. I am too, the techies.

Hopefully one day they'll be on here, you know, but that's up to them whenever they're ready, like everybody else. Another shout out, the Vicious Barber right here. Let him know.

Let him know. Vicious. Okay.

You want to bend down real quick? No, I don't. I was about to say. But the Vicious Barber, he cuts my hair.

He's always cutting the kids hair. Always looking fresh. Always feeling good.

And it's always a great conversation with him because it's nothing but positivity. So if you're looking for a barber that just wants to, that's going to rise you up and speak nothing but positive information to you and keep it real with you, the Vicious Barber. Where's that at? What's the location of that? Right by Ambitious.

It's in Riverside. The actual, it's off of Blair, I believe. Okay.

Not sure of the exact address, but there's a lot of great barbershops. So anybody out there in the Riverside area. We'll have him on here.

We'll have him on here for sure. He said he's down. Okay.

All right. That's what's up. So what's the topic for today, MJ? Okay.

So today is going to be, it's going to be a doozy, ladies and gentlemen. So this is something I really don't have much knowledge about or experience about. I would assume that a lot of our listeners are not going to have a lot of experience on this.

So today's topic is going to be keeping the plank lit in a marriage. Got to keep it lit. So Keisha, I'm going to go ahead and give you the floor.

Tell the audience something about you. The red carpet is out for you. Yeah, I guess I should know.

Where are you from? Where'd you grow up? I grew up in Daugherty, California. I am 39 years young. Got three kids, husband, and just trying to improve and better myself.

And here just trying to live life. So when you say improve yourself, better yourself, what are you, what, and what aspects? Um, all aspects. Physically, mentally, spiritually.

I'm just constantly trying to grow. I want my body stronger and healthier. I want my mind stronger, healthier.

I'm constantly trying to grow. As we all, as we all are. Y'all should be.

So let's, let's take a step, let's take a step back. Cause we, uh, I asked you guys previously, um, you guys is current, you said it was a little choppy. So let's just go back.

Let's have to be straight to detail, but if you guys couldn't care to share it, it's totally up to you guys. All right. So what would you like to know? This week, this week we had a disagreement and it was just me feeling, um, I was feeling neglected.

I wasn't feeling like I was getting the time back. I want, I wanted more time. I wanted more time from Ray.

So, uh, I'm sorry. I want a more time from AJ. I want a more time from aid.

So, um, that's something that I have been working on is instead of, uh, me keeping it in and drawing my own conclusion, I said, you know what, let me process what it is I'm feeling and then express it to Ray. And, um, it was a good outcome because we ended up really, um, expressing ourselves, talking it out to each other. And, um, it was completely different than what I thought.

Yeah. It's going to take me on several days. That's, that's awesome.

Cause honestly, like this is, this is the topic for is, is to these, these situations happening in relationships. How, how do you, how do we resolve these, these issues without letting our emotions take over? We become bitter. We get the silent treatment and all that stuff.

So, um, all right. So we're going to, we're going to start from the beginning. All right.

All right. We're going to start from the beginning. Let's take it back from the top.

Okay. From the top. Um, so where did you guys, where did you guys meet at? How did this relationship, the fire start? You tell your story, your version.

He'll say, if you remember 18 years ago, I was at my baby daddy's house. Okay. Okay.

Okay. We were on the verge of, it was about to be over. Okay.

And then my friends were like, girl, you need to come out. Come on. Let's go.

Let's go out. Come and pick me up. Go out.

We're at the club. Wonderful. God just appeared, just appeared.

Shout out to Delilah. Shout out to Leah. One of my good friends, her, um, goddaughter was Ray's roommate.

Okay. And they came to the club and then I was there and that's kind of how I met him. So you guys met at the club? At the club.

Okay. What club was this? Do you remember? That was the ball. Oh, the ball, the ball, the ball, the ball, the ball.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm giving her the answers to how we met.

Okay. All right. And so then how did that relationship begin? Like you guys, you guys met? Well, first of all, let me tell my story.

This is how I was like, the first time I saw her, you know, maybe I was chilling at, uh, the ball, having some drinks with some friends and, um, uh, I literally like saw a car pull up. First thing I saw. All right.

Uh, so the first thing I saw was, I'm saying, babe, I love it. What's booty getting out of a two-door car, you know, you got to like go underneath the seatbelt and then you got to like, put your booty out there. And then I had like a Friday moment where I was like, all right, hold on.

Let me pay attention. Focus. Boom.

Target. You know what I mean? But I had to see what she looked like. And then she looked around and it's just like, I was like, she's a baddie.

You know what I mean? And there's a little until I was like, all right, well, this is the first sister, you know, I was going to approach and it was different. So I was a little nervous, but I knew I had to, I knew I had to. Beautiful.

Um, so then what did, what did you guys, how long did it take you guys for you guys to be like, to be in relationship, like boyfriend and girlfriend and all that stuff? I, yeah, a few months, like three months, like three months because that night, um, we, you know, we were able to talk to each other and dance with each other and get it like exchange numbers and everything. And then it just kind of like took a while before we actually met up again. Okay.

Like when you met her that in that moment, did you kind of know like, and this is a girl I kind of want to be in relationship with, or were you more like, yeah, this is a girl like, you know, just want to stay home. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was, you know, I was mingling.

Okay. I was mingling. So my intensity was just to get to know her, see what she was about.

You know what I mean? Just trying to get to know me. Oh, I was trying to get to know you, all of you inside and out. Okay.

Yeah. I was just, I wanted to get to know her and ask you what's going on. And when, when did you guys get married? We got married in 2020.

Yes. Yes. How did, well, let me, let me back it up.

So, so this was recent. You guys just got married recently. Yes.

Okay. So this is, so this is a question that I'm dying to ask. Do it.

Okay. So it, it, it, it allowed to relationship, you know, for certain women after a couple of years, let's say four or five years. If by then that man hasn't proposed to you or wanted something more serious with you as far as marriage, like what, why, why didn't you take that approach as far as just like, Hey, we've been with each other for five years.

What's up? Right. Um, I didn't want to take that approach. No, I didn't want to take that approach because I'm not going to force anything.

I'm going to let you do it on your time and I'm not going to force it. But I also too, I was very secure in our relationship as the years went on. Yes.

I grew a lot more secure with our relationship, but were there moments where I was just like, God damn, was he going to marry me? Like, yes, there were those moments. However, I definitely did not want to be that person to pressure him because I then didn't want to be the back of my head, always only doing this. Right.

So to me, it wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't think it would go this long, but I think it makes our story that much better. I really do.

So like, what, what would, what would be your, your, your view on women? And I know every, every woman's different. Everybody has different, but what would be your advice to a woman? Let's just say a girl came up to me, had with my man for this amount of time, he had to propose to me. I'm thinking of dipping.

What would be your, your advice to her? I love when women will tell me that, or when they talk to me about that, because the first thing I tell them is, okay, well, me and my husband have been together 18 years. And they're like, oh my God. And I'm like, yeah, but we only been married for four years.

So it's like, you cannot, you don't want to pressure somebody because the last thing you want is for them to become resentful of you or for you to start to think, oh, did you only do this because I pressured you? So my advice to women is just let it ride out, let it ride out, but also to still express what you want. You know what I mean? He knew I wanted to get married. That was very clear.

So make sure you still express yourself and say, hey, I do want marriage, but I'm not going to pressure you. And what would like, if, because I hear you as far as like not wanting to force, you know, a man to marry, to do something that he doesn't, but wouldn't that make you like a little, not insecure, but like, wouldn't it like do like, it's been 14, we've been doing it for 14 years. There were definitely lots of moments where that happened.

Absolutely. Lots of moments. But in the midst of that, I was also too, like, I'm not going to pressure him.

I'm not. And I think maybe also too, there's pros and cons and there's good and bad, obviously, and I think part of me not pressuring him, maybe made him get a little comfortable. Like, oh, she's okay with it.

Oh, she's okay with it. Okay. So there it is.

It's good and bad, but I was okay with it being a little bit longer versus me having to feel like, oh, he's resentful where I had to pressure him. And then when did you guys move in with each other? Like how long, how long were you guys with each other before you guys like, okay, let's move in? We got together. He lived on, he lived with a roommate.

But, um, so I mean, I was always over there, you know, toothbrushes, you know, my presence, but after that, then he would say a little bit with me at my mom's, but actually us moving in a couple of years, it was probably maybe what, six years into the relationship, maybe, maybe even longer. Before we moved in? Before we actually moved in, so that's convenient. Yeah.

Yeah. Six years. Yeah.

That's a while. But in the midst of that, we lived together at my mom's house. Then we'd live together at his parents' house.

But as far as just us two, seeing our flaws and all, on the daily, yes. About six years, six, seven years. And when did you guys both realize that like, she was the one and he was the one? Yeah.

So yesterday, from the shit that I like put it through, I'm not proud of it. You know what I mean? I've done wrong. I've said wrong.

And, you know, I've done things that I shouldn't have. I'm not proud of it. And to know that she just stood there by my side and really helped me through the process.

And, you know, she, I feel, I really feel she knew I was damaged. You know what I mean? Even though like, I didn't see it. I feel like she saw that I was damaged, but I was, I was worth it.

You know what I mean? I was worth it. And her sticking around and like, really like, I owe everything. Like, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make those flames stay lit.

Whatever it takes. You know, he told me that like last week. So how about, how about you Taj? I think it was just all the things that we had been ups, the downs, the kids, parents, the family, like just knowing he's going to put me first.

And I know that that's really important. Yeah. And you know, yeah, that's a great question, Jay, because for a while, like, I didn't even notice the things that I was doing that were, that was bad.

And if you don't mind me like, asking, what were the things that you thought? Oh, man. I don't mind sharing because it's just going to help me better myself, opening it up and releasing this and I'm all right with it. You know, I was really heavy.

It's drinking, drank a lot of beer, like a lot of beer. At one point, I was just like, as long as I'm working, I'm paying the bills, everything's taken care of, I'm good. You know, but I had so much anger and so much hurt like that I withheld that I wasn't talking about or expressing like to nobody.

I just kept it to myself and got the short end of the stick was when we got into an argument. That was when I was like that multiple drinking and boom blackout and it's just a different person. This is not even me.

You know, I was for a while abusing her emotionally, emotionally, verbally, you know, never physically and obviously mentally, you know, and I didn't see that I was doing it because I was so fucking broken. And what made you, Tosh, stick around with all that? I'm pretty sure you've probably talked to your friends or family. Hey, it's not me.

It's not me. It's definitely his potential, you know what I mean? He has a huge heart. He has a huge heart.

He also, too, got to remember we can't fault people, you know what I mean? Can't fault people for maybe things that that's all he knew or that's all maybe he'd seen or that's all he was around or you know what I mean? And I've seen that he wanted to change, but it definitely took me being very patient. You didn't give up on him. I didn't give up on him.

I didn't. I did not give up on him. And that's something that I think a lot of what causes a lot of relationships to fail is people give up so easily.

It's not always going to be peaches and cream. It's not always going to be peaches and cream. And when it gets rough, that's when you're supposed to stay, but you're supposed to talk about it.

What would have been your final straw with him then? Because I would say drinking and being verbally abusive, I would say, yeah, it's a pretty big one to walk away, you know? So what would have been your final straw? We talked about this a lot. We talked about this a lot of times. We're like, oh, would you leave him if he cheated on me? Or would you listen to him? Honestly, I don't know.

I don't know if I would leave him if he cheated on me. Obviously, I don't want that to ever happen, but I don't know. But I think, I mean, not now, but back then.

My last straw back then, now too, it would be if he puts me on something. And that's me personally. I'm not, everybody has their own situation.

Everybody has every, whatever they may be going on, but me personally, that's my last straw. Okay. All right.

So you guys have three kids. You guys have three kids. Two of the boys are from different relationships.

And then your daughter is from us together. So Ray has a son with previous relationship and I have a son in a previous relationship and then one together. So can you briefly talk me through that discussion? I hear a lot of different podcasts where they talk about how for a man, there's no benefits in being with a woman who has kids because well, you can't, they can't discipline them.

They can't do this. They can't do that. So what was your guys' agreement and discussion when it came to the boys? All right.

Well, when we first met, obviously we were in relationships that we knew that we weren't going to be in because Nathan, her son, with the previous relationship, he was three months. Nolan, my son, with my previous relationship, he was seven months. So the only, I mean, four months and seven months.

So the only three months apart. I mean, the relationship, both our relationship was already going. It was Andy.

So we're both going into this. We both met each other. We both have newborn boys, you know, so we talked about it and we were like, hey, if we're going to go into this, then I'm going to treat your son like my son, you know, and vice versa.

And it can't be to the point where it's like, oh, you can't tell him anything or guide him or give him directions or scold him because he's not your son. You know, as soon as I heard that, like, because as soon as I would hear that, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship because then now I can't. Now I'm walking on eggshells.

So how can I discipline them? Well, if I say this, I'm going to argue. If I tell them not to do that, it's just going to cause an argument to be that I don't want to be in that type of relationship. That's just me personally.

And I think also, too, with us, it made a difference because a lot of people, one person has a kid from a different relationship. We both did. So we both know what it deals, what it has to do, what it feels to deal with, like, oh, maybe mom or maybe dad.

You know what I mean? So I think that also did help because we're both step parents. Yeah. And with the other parents consistently present in our kids is like, yes, they're consistently present.

So. So that's how you guys kind of just work that out with that. We did have that agreement to where it was.

We're treating them like they are both of our boys. Nolan, our son from the previous relationship, calls me mom and that's his own. He does that on his own, but it's also true.

I've been in his life for six months and vice versa with my son from a previous relationship. And what would be the limitations as far as him disciplining your son or her disciplining your son? What would be like, all right, these are the do's and do's and don'ts. I wasn't able to get a switch.

Stop. So this is going to maybe not necessarily make people upset, but this may people may not agree with it. But the honest truth is we said we're going to treat them like they're our own.

So Ray has disciplined Nathan, which is my son from a previous relationship. I have just let Nolan, which is Ray's son from a previous relationship. We're treating them like that.

They're like they're our own. And to be honest with you, that has definitely worked for us. And that makes us a stronger relationship, but it also makes us a stronger family because nobody feels out of place or nobody feels like there's favoritism.

So that's what works for us. Or that the step child doesn't even come into it. No, we're doing quotes because we don't use that word step kid.

Yeah, yeah. I hear that sometimes, you know, like people like, well, that's my stepson. Like, yeah, like, no, but again, that's OK.

Yeah, well, that makes sense. So now 18 years, long time ups and downs, arguments. How how do you guys handle arguments and create like productive solutions to the arguments? And arguments.

I used to shut down. I used to shut down. I used to be quiet.

I used to be angry. Something wrong made up. Like, OK, I would not express myself, but I would.

Something would be wrong. So as the years went on, as I got older, as I grew mature, as I matured, yes, as I matured and also to as he continued to ask me what's wrong and continue to put that effort because the minute you ask somebody what's wrong, if they say nothing and most people will be like, OK, she said nothing. What's wrong? What's wrong? And I'll say nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. You know.

So just with maturity, realizing it's so cliche, but communication really is. You have to communicate what you feel as a woman personally. My mind just goes, it just wonders, you know what I mean? And we can't allow that to happen because it could be something completely different.

And it's right to say, like, you know what, I'm angry. I just don't want to talk about it right now. Can we talk about it in like an hour? Is that what I'm saying? Is that how you handle it? Like, how do we do it? I'm through lots of arguments, lots of fights, lots of holes in the walls.

We've gone through a few DUIs. We've gone through a lot of positive ways because we can't fucking communicate. And do you think that's like the biggest in relationships, the biggest issue is just knowing how to handle like those complex situations? Or not even handle, just communicate.

You may not know how to handle it, but telling somebody, I need a minute right now. I need a minute right now. Can you just give me a minute? Makes all of the big difference.

Yeah. And I think a big difference is, this is my opinion, I don't think people put themselves in their partner's shoes enough. They don't really like, how is she feeling right now? What I'm doing, like, what am I making her feel? How am I approaching the situation? You know what I mean? And I'm just learning and learning.

I wasn't like this before, you know, and it's just so easy to just slow down and like, what's really going on? And if you really care, take the time to figure it out. Take the time to communicate with her and kind of like, feel what she's feeling. If she's angry, if she's upset, if she's hurt, you know, and then it's like, OK, let me, how can I approach the situation? Before, man, if she came home and I just felt that or she just had this look that she was upset, you know, I would just, I would go straight into assuming we can't do that.

Assuming that she's mad because things were done at the house or whatever it may be. And that just took me to a different level because now I'm just mindfucking myself because I'm thinking of all these things I'm assuming. Yeah, it's all assumptions.

And like when she says something and like me saying like, oh, well, she has an attitude. She said it with an attitude. Boom.

Now I'm like responding in a negative way. And it's just downhill from there. And there's no good from there.

And how did you guys change that? Like what? Talking, really just talking, still actively telling the same and just be like, you know what? I hurt my feelings. You may not think it was a big thing, but I hurt my feelings. You know what I mean? It does make a difference.

You know, and I could contest that because when I was younger and I was in relationships, like I couldn't leave the room or leave without finishing our argument, you know, instead of saying, hey, I need a minute. Let's take a pause. Or, you know what? We'll talk about it tomorrow or whatever.

And then it's crazy. You say you couldn't finish your argument. Yeah.

Why does it got to be an argument? Yeah. We couldn't finish what I was, but it should be we couldn't finish our conversation. Yeah.

You know what I mean? We couldn't like really be there and communicate and really express ourselves and really tell each other how we felt and really listen to each other and give each other and not take it personally, but just like hear each other out. Yeah. I mean, instead of like, oh, we were arguing, you know, like that's just such a negative.

You're going to argue. And that's something that's changed the way we are. We would argue all the time.

We would argue a lot. Like our kids even would always be right. I would always be right.

Like, man, guys, sorry. Now, look at you guys. That made us it was a bittersweet because it made us sad because it's like, shit, they've seen that.

Yeah. But it also made us feel good. Like, damn, you know, we did come a long way.

You know, I mean, a big part of that is just like, you know what? We're learning from this. Let's grow. And we're going to argue.

We're going to argue. And the minute I feel I don't like his tone or the minute I feel like, man, why are you yelling at me? It's like you can argue, but you don't got to yell and vice versa. Tell me to.

I mean, you're going to argue. Yeah, of course. Of course.

OK. So how long do you guys maintain trust in your marriage? Trust at the beginning, there were moments where I felt like I didn't trust him. And there were a couple of occasions where I did go through his phone and he blew up at me.

And why did you go through this? Because I was very insecure with myself. And why was I very insecure with myself at that moment? I had gained a lot of weight. I didn't I just I didn't feel good with myself.

And the sad thing is he got that and he got that with going through his phone, be thinking that he's talking to people, you know, cheating on me and doing things. But he was. I know.

Oh my God! He emotionally cheated on me! Emotionally! Producer, cut that, cut that part out. No, leave that as a short clip. No, you left a little bit.

Not true, across the net. Not true. But yeah.

Yeah, just getting over my self doubt. And then also, too, the way that Ray responded when He knew, I found out, I went through his phone. I was like, if you're gonna keep going through my phone, you don't trust me.

I'm not gonna be with somebody who doesn't trust me. Nowadays, I personally feel like a lot of men surrender. They surrender, oh, here's my phone.

Oh, here's my password. Here's my this. It's like, okay, yes, that's good.

However, you still have to have that trust. You still have to have that trust. What if he decides to not give you that? Are you gonna trust him? And vice versa too.

So him having him putting his foot down and him keeping his fucking balls is what made us grow. It made me say, wait, I don't wanna lose this. I don't need to fucking go through this home.

So how about you, bro? Like how have you made trust with your wife? I mean, it was tough, it was tough. Again, I put on weight as well, you know what I mean? Like I wasn't happy with myself. We're in a very negative, like dark time.

Like it was a very dark time and we weren't feeling good about ourselves. We weren't happy with ourselves. We weren't like the relationship was like really rocky.

You know, the current, when you ask how the current is, the current was just fucking- Had a wave. It was a tsunami. Wave after wave, like 30, 40, 50 foot waves just crashing down, you know what I mean? And it affected our relationship emotionally, physically, sexually.

Mentally, like if we're not happy with our body, like we didn't wanna be touched. We didn't want, you know, it was just, it was all dark. It was dark for quite a while, quite a while.

Like, and it kind of crossed my mind. Are we gonna make it? Like, are we gonna make it? You know what I mean? But it was just like, no, we are gonna make it because I wasn't gonna allow myself to think like that. You know, even if I was doing bad.

Yeah. Okay. All right.

So we talked about communication. Like what is a productive communication? Cause it's all, everybody's form of communication. Cause we hear that a lot.

It has to be about work and relationships, partnerships, communication, communication, communication. And everybody's communication is different. Like the way you communicate with me, how you communicate with her, completely different.

So where did you, how did, what's the balance of your guys' communication? I wanna know your every move. Tracking on, tracking on. Why are you in the bathroom so long? No, no, I'm not bad like that, I'm not.

But I do, I wanna know you got to work safely. I do. And it's not a control thing.

You're my husband. You're the father of my children. I love you.

And I wanna make sure that you got to work okay. And I hope you feel the same way. It has nothing to do with being controlled or me being insecure.

No, I wanna make sure my man's okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Let me know you're at your destination safe.

That's a proper communication. Something's making you feel a certain way. That's proper communication in my eyes.

And especially if I made you feel that certain kind of way. Let me know. And how about you, bro? Like how do you, with your wife now, what compared to how it was before? What's your new method of communication with her? Yeah, just that.

Letting her know what my whereabouts, how I'm doing, if I'm feeling upset, if we communicate through whether it's text, if I call her, if I don't tell her, I got to a certain spot at a certain time. Like she hit me up like, are you okay? She was like, where are you at? What are you doing? Like she said, are you okay? Like, yeah, I'm all right. And you know, I do forget sometimes.

Yeah, she does as well, but it's still like letting her know that I'm all right because I want, like my wife said, like I want to know that she's okay. She made it to her destination all right. Like I don't want to lose her.

You know what I mean? Like that's scary. You know, it's something that makes me feel like, all right, cool. Like everything's all right right now.

You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I'm good. Yeah, yeah, all right, that's cool. All right.

Ooh, this is one of my, this is my favorite question. Is it a doozy? It's a doozy. Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen.

Buckle up on the wave. All right. Buckle up on the wave.

All right. We're talking about the naughty business now. You've been married for 18 years.

Okay. Let's make this clear first. We've been together almost 18 years, married almost four.

I am 39 years young. He is. 40, gonna be 43.

Gonna be 43. Age is just a number. I know, it really is.

We really don't care. But what I'm getting at with this is, we're not old. But in the midst of all these 18 years, we were very young.

We were together when we were 21. When we were 22, when we were thinking stupid enough. So it's like, you gotta be patient.

You gotta ride that mother's wave. Okay, so now you've been with each other for 18 years. How has you guys maintained that lit flame during intimacy? Bow, chicka, wow, wah.

I wish I had like those close buddies. I was boing, boing, boing, boing. I'd be like, I kinda wanna turn right now, but I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, Jake, turn around. As a woman, me personally, I try to, I do, I focus on that a lot.

I do focus on that a lot. Try to keep myself together. I'm feeling like, you know, I'm not, I just try to keep myself together.

But I also too, I want to make sure that we do have that alone time. We do have that intimacy. And even if it's not always gonna be rose petals and, you know, being able to take a weekend, sometimes it's like, hey, you know what? The fucking kids aren't in the front or they went to the park or doing something.

So come on, let's do this quickly. Right, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.

Exactly. Can't be picky with the queen. But then, don't get me wrong, I still want my rose petals and I still wanna be, I want my toes sucked and stuff, so yes.

But a big part of it is I hear a lot of people, a lot of people, but we have kids, but we have kids and kids love them kids, respectfully. You know what I mean? Like you still gotta make sure you find time. Well, yeah, because being in a marriage and being a parent are two different things.

That's, that's, but you can do both. But you can do both. You can do both, very well.

So what do you, out of curiosity, what, in a marriage, what is, and I get it, you're gonna have your ups and your downs, whatever, but overall, statistics-wise, what do you feel is an average intimacy throughout a week? Once a week or- Okay, to be really completely honest with you, and you guys gotta really be completely honest, like, come on now. I really do think once a week. Why? Because that's realistic.

People are busy, people have shit going on, but you know what? You can find one day out of the fucking week to... When would you be concerned? To be honest, me personally, especially with him, I'll be concerned after two weeks, no. Seriously, like what? I would, I would, I would be concerned. How about you? He loves me.

Yeah. Oh man. Like, yeah.

Did you hear that? Yeah, all the time. But like, what would be your concern? Like, what are you like, too? Because, you know, honestly, because I've heard couples say like, hey, I haven't been intimate in four months. That's crazy.

Six months. That is crazy. Yeah, that's a long time.

That's a long time. Even with us at our, how long we've been in a relationship, that is a long time. I think, and I think we've had a conversation about that where I told her like, in the relationship, like before I start, like for us to start losing affection or whatever, like, you're going to take away the sex.

I'm going to let you know, hey, we need to be intimate. You know what I mean? And then if I got to satisfy myself, I will, but I'll also let you know, hey, I'm doing this a little too much. Like, you need to, we need to be intimate.

After that, if you don't listen, I'm sorry. I'm a man. I'm going to find it.

I'm going to find it. You know what I mean? As, what's your take on that? My take on that is it comes off harsh and some people may be like, fuck, what do you mean? He's a man. He's going to cheat.

No, what he's saying is if you're not satisfied here, but on the flip side, you got to also to remember, you got to dig a little bit deeper to be like, okay, why isn't she wanting to sex? Yeah, definitely. Is she not feeling comfortable with her body? Is she on her period? Does she have no regular periods? Is there something that's irritating her about you to where she doesn't want to be intimate? She's seeking it elsewhere. So, you know what I mean? You got to look at it.

Absolutely. Sometimes it's not that deep, but yeah, absolutely. I do feel that a month plus is too long.

I even feel like two weeks is too long. That's your mate. Why don't you want to have intimacy with her? And, you know, like to be honest, it's also like women, us men, like for you to take charge sometimes.

I agree. We don't always want to be the ones to, you know, initiate. We want to be wanted too.

We want more. God damn it. We want our totes on.

Girls, get on top. Even if the knees crack, get on top. Yeah, for real.

Exactly. No, very true. I was like, women, like, I'll show that love.

You know what I mean? If you're walking by your boo, give him a kiss. Spank his ass. Slap his ass.

Hug him. Just squeeze him, bite him on the arm, something, anything. You know what I mean? That physical touch means so much.

I think it just changed our- Your day. Our day, our energy. And like that love is just like, even if we're in our head, it's like, oh man, that was nice.

That was beautiful. He has definitely told me that. He has really- That was beautiful.

And then it just changed our whole perspective. Like, ooh, babe, like, hold on. You know what I mean? And now we're happy.

Like, smack her in the booty. I hug your butt all the time. You know what I mean? You don't do it.

I do. Not true, man. You go across.

Not true. Hey, Ramone, did you- Ramone, did you just grab my ass? Ramone's not here right now, but if you'd like to talk to A, he's right in front of you. That is a good point, though.

You have really brought that to my attention, shown me, taught me all those things about a man does want to be wanted. Yeah. And we, as women- We do, we do.

And I'm a speaker, and we do forget that. Just as much as we want to be wine and dine, too, these motherfuckers do, too. Yes.

They do, too. And you know what? We can grab it. How macho you are.

We can grab your fucking- So, yes, you have definitely taught me that. You're constantly reminding me of that. And if we're going out there, making sure that you're protected, and everything is good, and no one's going to mess around, and everybody's going to be safe, then, in the bedroom, make us- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

I don't say that. I'm afraid once we get in there- Once we get in there- I was going to say that! Hold on, we're going back in there. Guys, also, too, when you have that opportunity to go all out, go all out.

If you have a babysitter, if you're able to take a week and get away, do it. Yes, yes. Get yourself real something real sexy.

Do what your band likes. Explore a little bit. Do that, because you know what? That's what keeps it fucking- Exactly.

Make time for each other, even if it's going out for breakfast or anything. Just make time for each other to have your guys' time away from the kids. You know what I mean? And reflect and- Enjoy each other.

Yeah, enjoy each other. Once those kids are 18 and have their own life, they're not going to care about us. They're not.

So, we got to remember to still be friends. That was the best way to say it. Enjoy each other.

That's what I thought. Enjoy each other. I hope that was easy.

Easy? Easy. Anyway, be careful. Why was there a whip? I'll show you.

Just- I don't know. If you're watching, you'll get it. You know.

You know you know. You know you know. All right.

What has marriage taught you both? Marriage taught me- Look at that big smile on her face. Because I want to hear it. Yes, good question.

Mara's taught me that it's amazing. It's amazing like the love you feel when you find your ride or die, when things are aligned, when you can communicate, when you can express yourself, where you can just be completely vulnerable to your partner. It's amazing.

It's like true, it's true love and I can do that and I have no worries, I have no fears, I don't have anything sitting like, like nothing negative within my body, you know, so I'm able to move so much freer and like my thought process is clear and it's just having my ride or die, just like to be honest, like I don't want to go through that process, you know, like really trying to make somebody understand who I am. No I stood because it's cheaper to keep her, but no, it's just the way you made me feel, the way you do this thing and the way you have patience for me and the way you're just by my side helps me even to be patient for a very long fucking time and I appreciate it. We trusted the process.

We trusted the process! Okay! It is a process. And my process was very long and it's great and it's great and it's not even done yet and I'm only getting better. Yes, facts, facts.

Marriage has taught me patience. It has taught me patience. It really has.

You got to be patient. We now, everybody wants it right away, right away. I work out, I want to be skinny tomorrow! Tomorrow! You know what I mean? Like no, you got to have patience.

You know what I mean? You got to ride with that person. You got to really stick it out, but you also too got to know if that person is really willing to change. You got to ride that wave.

Sounds so little and simple, but. So, this is going to be my final question. Okay, okay.

You guys have honestly taught me a lot right now. Like, I'm processing a lot. That's awesome.

We're going to talk later though because I kind of voted for you. Literally, don't say that. Don't say that.

We're voting. We're voting. Oh my God, it's 20 seconds! I said, if you want to smoosh, smoosh.

Okay, so what would be your advice to newlyweds? If I was to get married and I wanted some kind of guidance from you guys. I know every marriage is different. Every situation is, you know, it's just different.

But what would be your overall advice to newlyweds? Just in general. Newlyweds, enjoy. Speak to the audience.

Newlyweds, enjoy it. And when I say enjoy it, if you feel that kids may change it, then wait a year. If you feel that getting that job or pursuing something that may take up your time, wait a year.

Just really enjoy your husband or wife for that moment, but also to be patient. You've got to fucking be patient. It's not always going to be peaches and cream.

It's not always going to be dates and going out. Sometimes it's going to be noodles and Netflix. Without the chill.

So, you know what I think? It's not always going to be glitz and glamour. I feel like a lot of people, the minute it's not glitz and glamour, they bounce. Bounce.

Yeah. All right. Well, that's pretty much all I got.

Can I answer the question? You got a different answer. So, the newlyweds. No, but I think my advice for you is, I know I had the opportunity for my wife to be as patient as she was.

But don't get married if you're not willing to give it your all. Willing to open up and willing to express everything and be as humbled and exposed and uncomfortable with your partner. If you can't do that, I would say stay engaged and just wait until you build that.

Until you're like, you know what? This is the right time. I think sometimes people get married too early, too fast. Even though they're good people and the relationship was great.

It's just too fast and they weren't ready and it ruins it. Or they get pressure. Yeah.

There's pressure. You know what I mean? And it's just like, they're both like, wait, this is what I signed up for, you know? But if you could be openly honest and just express everything, you're ready. Unicorns.

Unicorns. You guys are unicorns. Yeah, that's interesting.

You are my unicorn. I was watching this podcast called Soft White Underbelly. Shout out.

Shout out. And he was interviewing this divorce attorney, right? And he was just talking about, you know, he's like 60% of marriages and divorce. And he started asking him about prenups and things like that.

And the one thing I really took away with this gentleman that spoke, he was like, yeah, having those tough conversations, prenups, whatever it is, kids, whatever it is. And the one thing I took away from it, he said, if you can't have those tough conversations, you shouldn't get married. So, honestly, I'm so thankful to be your guys' friend, to be a part of your guys' life.

You know, listening to you guys, it really does shed light on myself. And I hope one day, one day, you know, we all that we all know, by the way, always a group. But, yeah, final thoughts.

Final thoughts with just everything. I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you and us riding the wave and us just continuing to grow.

Final thoughts is, again, seek love. It's amazing. It's great.

You guys are amazing. I appreciate you all. And, you know, definitely learn to love yourself.

If you can't love yourself, you can't love somebody else. I love that. You know what? He just stole my line right there.

So, honestly, I'm just soaking everything that you guys have informed myself and the audience. And, yeah, I'm just soaking everything in. I really don't have much to say.

But thank you. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to come out here.

I know it was a bit of a drive for you. So, from the bottom of my heart, just honestly, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

I appreciate it. Drive out here, too. Got it.

Got it out of you. Got it out of you. Keeping my fan away from here Friday.

But that's okay. But you know what? I see it. I'm sticking my teeth in it.

I'm not even a permanent mark, girl. I'm like a vampire. All right.

Time to go. Time to go, ladies and gentlemen. Start that engine.

Thank you for riding the wave. We appreciate you guys all. Again, like my wife, you said, thanks for riding the wave.

And we're interested to hear your feedback with everything that we discussed today. The marriages are the marriage that some of you are in. How is that going? Do you guys agree with the methods? Give us your thoughts.

Yeah. And your techniques. Because if you can improve our relationship still, and you have techniques that you guys use that made your relationship great, share them.

Because without them, try to put them to the test, for sure. Yeah. This platform is all about growth.

It's all about growth. And I love having these conversations. Because these are important conversations that a lot of people aren't really listening.

Should be having, but are not having. Yeah, but are not having it. So thank you.

Thank you again. Thank you for bringing her on. Thank you guys for listening.

Yes. Keep listening. Tune in.

All right, guys. Well, we're going to wrap it up. We'll see you guys at 8 a.m. I was like, what is she doing? And again, are you dedicated to your craft, to your job, to your husband, to your wife, to your children? So let's stay dedicated.

We'll see you guys next week. Love you. Peace.