Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Hey guys. Welcome back to the Dad Tired podcast. Today's episode is brought to you by Range Leather. Father's Day is on the horizon, which is crazy how fast this year is going by, and what better hint to drop than a stylish handcrafted hat from range leather? They've got a silhouette collection featuring all 50 states so that you can wear your state pride right on your dome.
They don't just make hats, though. Range Leather offers a variety of high quality leather goods, like wallets and belts, sunglass straps, and even desk accessories. Each piece is handcrafted from full grain hor we leather here in the United States in Wyoming, and they're designed to develop a rich, beautiful finish as it ages.
And here's a little something extra for you guys if you head over to range leather.com/dad tired and you use the promo code. Dad tired. You will get 15% off your order. So whether it's a gift for yourself or a subtle hint to your wife, you can't go wrong with something handcrafted and full of character.
Make sure you click that link in our show notes today. Again, that's range leather.com/dad tired. Remember to use the special promo code. Dad tired, all one word, and you will get 15% off your order.
Welcome to part four of this Colossian series that we're going through. We as a community of men here at Dad Tired are studying the scriptures, specifically the book of Colossians. And specifically chapter three of Colossians. We originally talked about going through all four chapters of Colossians, and then we just found that there was so much as I was studying, there was so much in chapter three for us as men, that it was like, let's just stick on chapter three and really focus in there.
That being said, it's always good to read things in it's proper context, and so if you haven't read the whole book of Colossians, it'd probably take you 20 minutes, man. You could do it on your drive today. Quick walk around the neighborhood. It'll take you like 20 minutes just to read it from start to finish.
So, and we'll read chapter three in its entirety in this episode. So you already got that one busted out, but it's always good to read things in its full context if you miss those or if you're just need a refresher. Colossians was written by a guy named Paul. He's actually in prison as he is writing this, and he's writing to this young church.
In Colossae, and he had heard good things about this church that they're doing well. He was encouraged by the things that he heard about these young believers trying to figure out what it looks like to follow Jesus. And there were some false teachers around, and so he was just trying to teach them the basics of what it looks like to live a Christian faith.
And I. Because the word of God is timeless, and it's true. Always. These truths have been really helpful for us in the last three weeks. I, I've been hearing a lot from the dad tired guys, that this has been really helpful as we just let the word shape us and rebuke us and correct us and train us for righteousness as two Timothy three 16 says, so we want to be righteous.
We want to be men who are righteous. Have integrity, do the right thing, live rightly. And so we're just allowing the word to do the work in our hearts and to shape us and mold us. Last week we talked about not a super popular passage in today's day and age. We talked about wives submit to your husbands.
We literally spent an entire episode on that one verse, wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord Colossians three 18. And um, you know, just not the most popular thing to be. Teaching about, especially as a man, you could easily say, a woman could say, who are you? Of course religion is, this man is using religion to get his wife to submit and get her to do what he wants.
Hopefully, if you listen to that episode, that's not at all what you came out with, and I don't think that's at all what Paul was saying. We're gonna dive even deeper into a husband and wife's role in this episode and what it looks like for you as a husband and what it looks like for you as a father based on this, this verse that we're gonna focus on in today.
I just think it's really counter-cultural. It's really beautiful and it's, um, it's encouraging and convicting for us as husbands. Before we jump into all that, let me pray and then we'll dive into the word God. Jesus, we love you as we dive into your word and we study your scriptures. Uh, we pray that you would shape us as men, that we would be the husbands that you desire and call us to be, require us to be that we would be the fathers that you desire and require us to be.
That we would be men who bring you joy as we study your word. And don't just get smarter, but we want it to actually shape our thinking and our doing our way of living. And so change us God, change our hearts, change our minds, change our behavior, change the way that we interact with the people around you.
Based on your word. It's in your name we pray. Amen. Alright, let me read Colossians chapter three, um, again to you, and then we will focus in on today just one particular verse. Um, we'll spend some time on that verse together. Colossians chapter three, verse one. If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth for you have died and your life is hidden with Christ and God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you will also appear with him. And glory put to death. Therefore, what is earthly in you? Sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil, desire, coveted, which is idolatry.
On account of these, the wrath of God is coming in. These you too once walked when you were living in them, but now you must put them all away. Anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene. Talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another. Seeing that you have put off your old self and its practices and have put on a new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator Here, there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, cian, slave free, but in, but Christ is all and in all put on.
Then as Christ chosen one's, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness bearing with one another, and. If one has a complaint against another, forgiven each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you recalled in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom. Singing Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in Word or indeed do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them children. Obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bond servants obey in everything those who are your earthly masters.
Not by way of I service as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work hardily as for the Lord and not for men. Knowing that from the Lord you'll receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done and there is no partiality.
That's Colossians, the whole chapter, chapter three. Uh, as I was reading, I was reminded that we're actually not gonna focus on one verse. We'll focus on three or four verses today. So I apologize for misspeaking at the beginning. There again, last week we talked about wives submitting to your husband. If you were listening to that as a man, you're probably like, finally, this is great.
I made the joke that you probably thought it was the best episode we've ever done and dad's tired. Finally, Jared's talking about wives mean to your husbands. More of that or, yeah. Wife's mean to your husbands. We need more of that. We need, uh, as many wives submitting to husbands as possible. Preach Jared.
And, uh, you're probably getting all excited about sending it to your wife, but I told you to pause, to settle down, to calm down for a second because we were gonna talk to the men, and that's what I wanna do today. Talk to us as men. It's one thing for me to try to teach the scriptures to the wives, and I pray that the word itself is convicting and encouraging to the women.
But now as a man, I, I think it's okay for us just talk as men here and to figure out what does it look like for us as men. To be the men that God's called us to be. And you may have listened to last week's episode, all excited, like, you know, finally we're gonna talk about wives having your husbands. This is great.
I got the easier end of this deal, but I think that the word of God, I think that Paul in Colossians and the spirit of God all throughout the scripture really has a lot for us as men. And so I wanna dive into that. Paul has a lot for us to say. Again, he said in our verse, Colossians three husbands, love your wives.
Do not be harsh with them. That's the one verse he gives us in this particular chapter to husbands. But before we kind of dive in and unpack that, I want to rewind. Last week we talked about Genesis. Why are men the leaders, like what is that a cultural thing or did God set this up from the beginning? Is this just an American thing or a Middle Eastern thing?
Is this a 2024 thing or is this how God always designed it? And I made the argument last week that from the very first pages of scripture, from the very first days of. Creation. God had designed things. He had ordered it so that men would lead. And if you hear that as a man and you're like, yes, I, amen. I'm the leader, I'm the boss.
I don't think you're fully understanding what Paul and what the scriptures and what God is teaching us about what it means to actually be the head of the house, the leader. And when we do, I just think there's a little bit more sobriety. I think there's a little bit more I. Somberness to our leadership, our call to leadership.
I wanna go back to that genesis where God had made man, and he had, he had asked Adam to name all the animals. And then it says in Genesis two that there was no helper fit for Adam. And so God creates, he said it's not good for man to be alone. And he creates Eve and he takes a a rib out of Adam and he creates eve with it.
And he says, this is woman bone in my bone. Flesh in my flesh. And. God gives him a helpmate, really beautiful imagery there. And God had commanded Adam to lead like he gave him the charge. Do not eat from any of, or you can eat from any of these trees, but do not eat from the one tree, the knowledge of good and evil or else you will die.
And the implication there, because he did not give those same instructions to Eve, was that Adam would lead his wife, that he would teach her when she shows up on the scene. The rules were not given to her by God directly. And so the implication is because they were given to Adam that he should teach his wife and he should lead his wife and he should protect his wife.
And so that's kind of the scenario that we have and that I painted last week. Now, based on that, let me read what happens next. Now, the serpent was more crafty. This is Genesis chapter three. Now, the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman.
Catch this. Who's the leader? Based on what we've read so far in the scriptures, Adam is, Adam knows the rules. Adam knows what's supposed to be done. The instructions were given to Adam, and yet the serpent who's more crafty, catch that than all the others goes to whom he doesn't go to. Adam goes to Eve, the woman.
Now the serpent who's more crafty than any other beast in the field that the Lord God had made, he was more crafty than any other beast of the field, the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, did God actually say you shall not eat of any tree in the garden? And the woman said to the serpent, so already here you, Satan is going after the woman.
We know that the man was charged to protect her, to give instruction to her. And Satan, he's just so good at undermining God's design. He should be talking to the man. But what is he doing? He's talking to the woman. He's going beneath. He's going around God's orderly design. The way that God created things, he's going straight to the woman.
And he says, did God really say you can't eat from any of the tree in the garden? And the woman said to the serpent, we may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, you shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden. Neither shall you touch it lest you die.
Verse four. But the serpent said to the woman, you will not surely die. For God knows that when you will eat of it, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God knowing good and evil. So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes. And that the tree was to be desired to make one y.
She took of its fruit and ate, and she gave some to who? Her husband who was with her, the scripture say, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened and they knew that they were naked, and they sowed fig leaves together and made themselves loin claw. So they take the fruit, she eats it, gives it to her husband.
They know, they recognize that they're naked. They start to hide themselves. Listen to this verse eight. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, where are you?
Catch this. The enemy goes to the woman. He's crafty. He tempts her. She buys into the temptation as her husband is standing. The leader standing by doesn't do anything. She eats of its fruit, hands it to her husband who's standing there with her. The scriptures say he eats of it. They both feel shame. They both hide.
Okay, so you're learning a lot about this first man. He's hiding. God is walking in the garden in the cool of the day. And what does he say? He says to the man. Where are you now? John Piper gives this analogy and I, I absolutely love it. It's so helpful for us as men. Imagine he says that you and your wife got in a fight, big fight, and she was wrong, which we all know is rare for our wives to be the wrong one.
But let's just say she was wrong, much like Eve was wrong by taking that piece of fruit. She's wrong, and you guys go to bed angry. You're in a big fight. The next day, Jesus shows up at your house and he knocks on the door and your wife answers the door. John Piper says that if in that scenario Jesus would say to your wife, is your husband home?
I need to have a word with him. This is the picture that the scriptures are painting for us in Genesis chapter three. And why is this a big deal? Because we made the case last week that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, and that was the argument that we made last week. And yet you could have walked away being like, yeah, you're supposed to submit to me.
I'm the boss. I. This is my right. I have the right to tell you what to do. And yet in Genesis chapter three, we do see that God has designed it so that a man would be a leader. Absolutely. He was supposed to lead his wife, protect his wife, give his what teacher the instructions that the Lord had given him.
And yet we see a man who is hiding, coward. And then when things go wrong, God has a word. The husband. And so if you left last week's episode thinking that how great it is for you to be the husband, the man, because you have the rights, just know that in your family, man, God would want to talk to you. When things go array in your family, when things go sideways in your marriage, when your kids are disobedient, when things don't seem like they are going well or they're falling apart in your family.
If Jesus were to knock on the door, he wants to talk to you. And so our role as men being the leader is less about our rights and more about a very, very heavy responsibility. God has placed you as the man of the home, as the leader of your home. And that does not mean for one second that you are the boss that gets to demand your way.
And we're gonna talk about that in a second. What it means is you carry a heavy and somber responsibility before the Lord that you are to lead them and struck them and guide them, knowing full well that when things go wrong, God's coming to talk to you. And this is all throughout the scripture that women submit to your wife, but it never ends there.
Just as wives are submit to the husbands, husbands are to submit to the Lord and you are subject to God, you will answer to God and this friends brothers is a heavy responsibility. Even just reading that and hearing that this is a heavy responsibility for us to carry his men, we should take this seriously.
It's not a boss that gets all his ways. It is a heavy. Calling a responsibility. Am I leading my wife well? So with that kind of framework, let's look at Colossians three, where he says, husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. You may hear that and think, great. All right. That's easy enough.
You know, uh, we get all kinds of instruction about, you know, what a wife's supposed to do, but God just wants me to love my wife. Great. I'll love her the best way that I know how to love her. And unfortunately that's like, that is not where Paul ends. It's not where the scriptures end. All. Throughout the scriptures, men have a very clear call of what it looks like to actually love your wife.
Ephesians five, which is a, you get a, a more in depth picture of a husband and wife relationship, and Ephesians five, but part of it says, husbands love your wife. How as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. I just want you, as you're reading these scriptures, as you're listening to these scriptures, think, use it as a measure.
Use the word of God, not your friend, not the neighbor down the street, not the guy you saw on tv, not the way that the basketball players in the NBA. Like don't use any other man to measure up how you're doing as a husband. Just use the word of God to measure up against, based on the word of God. How am I doing as a husband?
Ephesians 5 25 says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Then he goes on to saying verses 28 29. In the same way husbands, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, and let me just tell you bro, you love your own body. He who loves his wife, loves himself for no one ever has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.
Just as Christ does for the church. Do you love your wife? Do you cherish your wife? Do you nourish your relationship with your wife and her life? One Peter three, seven. Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel. That, by the way, would've been culturally revolutionary 'cause the writer here is talking to a culture that really women are, they do not have the same rights as men.
Men are the more powerful and dominant. So anytime some woman makes an argument that like we are using Christianity or religion as a way to suppress women, the writers of the scripture did the opposite. They were elevating women. They were lifting women up, especially in this culture where women would've been pushed down.
The writers were lifting women up, honor, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you. Of the grace of life so that your prayers not, may not be hindered. Now let me just camp there for the second, this verse, Peter three, seven. Listen to what he says there again, likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Now, just a side note, this word heir is incredibly powerful. Who is an heir in their culture? Sons. Sons are the one who get the inheritance of the family and only sons. Okay? If you were a woman, if you were a daughter, you did not have the same privileges. Oftentimes wouldn't have even been noticed in the script or in the culture because you were a woman.
So for God to say for the scriptures to say that this wife of yours is a fellow heir. With you of the grace of life is so counter-cultural. Again, for anybody that says the scriptures oppressed women, it's just frankly not true. It's just flat out not true. I. The scriptures are talking about women being an heir with you.
That is crazy. Culturally in this time. For them to have said that she's an heir with you is absolutely counter-cultural. He is putting this level of respect that we are together, and this goes back to what I was talking about to the women last week. This is not a competence issue. It's not you submit to your husband 'cause you're not as competent.
You don't have the same worth. Absolutely not. Nowhere in the scriptures does it give us the idea that women are not as competent, they're not as capable, they're not as smart. Absolutely not. There's no indication of that. It's a woman using her gifts. This is the way God designed it. This is the order of God's design.
It's the woman using her gifts, her wisdom, her nurturing, her smarts, everything about her, her talents to say, husband, I'm gonna come alongside of you. I'm gonna submit to your leadership, and I'm gonna use every resource that I have to help you become the leader that God is calling you to be. Why? Because we are heirs.
We are equal in the eyes of God. We compliment each other, but we are equal in the eyes of God. Absolutely different, unique gifts, unique perspectives, unique talents. But man, your wife is equally an heir with you. She is in receiving the inheritance of the king in the same way that you are. That verse is powerful, and this is why God says you honor your wife.
She's an heir with you of the grace of life. And then listen to the last part of this verse, which should smack us all across the face as men, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I. God is so serious about the way that you treat your wife, that he talks about your prayers being hindered if you do not love her.
Well, when he said that in verse Peter, likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to them. He's so serious about that, that if you don't, your prayers will be hindered. And dude, you got a lot of things that you should be praying about, you're probably praying about. You need to be praying about.
God is saying, I'm so serious about the way you love my daughters, the way that I have loved you and the way that I've loved my church, the way I've sacrificed, I've laid down my life for the church. I want you to, I'm so serious about you doing that for your wife, that it will impact your prayers, the way your prayers get answered.
So when you read a verse like, husbands love your wives and don't be harsh with them, you're like, okay, yeah, no, and you kind of take that lightly. This is how serious God is. You want your prayers to be answered. You want God to give you his full attention. Love his daughter. Well, love his wife. Your wife, well.
And so then you ask, okay, well if it's not just loving her the way that I wanna love her, what does it look like? And again, I want you just to use the scriptures here to. Measure against yourself, how you're doing the most famous passage on love that we have in the Bible, one Corinthians 13, four through seven.
Love is patient. I know I've said it a lot here, but please just measure this against yourself, with your wife. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable. Resentful. It does not rejoice that wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. When he says husbands love your wives, do not be harsh with them. What does he mean when love? He means that you're extremely, overwhelmingly supernaturally patient with your wife. Incredibly kind to your wife, that you're not boasting or arrogant.
You're not rude to your wife. You do not insist on your own way. Well wait, but I thought I'm the leader. Love your wife the way that Christ has loved the church and laid down his life for her. You are not a demanding, arrogant, rude boss. You are the head servant of your family. What does it mean to love her really well?
You lay down your life for her. You set aside your needs for her needs. You insist on her way, not on your own. You are not irritable. You don't get irritable easily. Get fed up, get frustrated. Talk onto your breath, say mean things, you're not resentful. Well, I wish she, if she just did this, if she just did this, uh, you know, I'd be a better husband.
You don't get to do that. As a Christian husband. As a husband who has died to himself and has put on new identity, this is who you are as a follower of Jesus. One who is a disciple of Jesus, loving your wife the way that Christ loves his church. You don't get to be resentful. You just keep loving. Why?
'cause God didn't do that to you. He wasn't resentful towards you or irritable towards you. He didn't insist on his own way. He wasn't arrogant. He didn't boast. He was incredibly patient and kind. He's never been rude to you. He didn't rejoice in your wrongdoing. He rejoices in truth, when your wife says something to you, that's hard to hear, but it's the truth.
Do you rejoice? Thank you, God, that you have given me a woman who loves me enough to tell me the truth, to help me become the man that you've so desired me to be. And whether she said it in a harsh way or she said it in a nice way, I just rejoice that I got to hear the truth about myself. And so I swallow my pride.
I'm not arrogant. I'm not rude. I'm not easily irritated by my, by the wives, by by the words of my wife. I listen to what she said and is there truth there? Is there truth in what she just said to me? She knows me better than anybody knows me. And so I'm just listening to what she has to say and is what she said true.
And if it's true, I rejoice. I rejoice in the truth and I bear all things, and I believe all things. And I have hope for all things. And I endure as hard as marriage is and to die daily. I endure all of it because this is love. This is the call for us as husbands when he says, husbands love your wife. Do not be harsh.
Another way that that verse can be translated is do not become bitter towards her bitterness, man, this little seed, you wish she did something, you wish she did more. You wish you were another way, and you just let that little seed of bitterness grow and grow and grow and grow until it destroys you and it destroys your relationship.
We don't get to do that. As Christian husbands. We love our wives. The way that Christ is. Love is churched. We give up our lives, we sacrifice, we lay down our lives. Last week I talked about wives submitting to their husbands, and the example of that is that God lay down every right of his to submit himself to humans so that he could lay down his life for the redemption of our souls.
He did what he's asking wives to do, and then he says, husbands, love your wives the way that I loved you and the church. This is what we do. He's asking us to do what he's already done. He set an example for both husbands and wives, and this is our model. Our whole goal as Christians is to point people to Jesus.
It's countercultural. It doesn't make sense, but when you have a Christian wife who's willingly submitting to her husband, respectfully, joyfully, saying, I will follow your leadership. I trust you, I believe in you, lead us. And you have a husband who says, thank you, babe. I will give up my life for you. I will serve you till the day I die.
I will give up my needs. I will lay down my own rights and desires for the sake of loving you and our kids. Well, bro, that kind of marriage is so not of this world, that it would demand the attention of the people around you, that people would look at you and say, what kind of marriage is this? That the wife just follows him joyfully.
The husband lays down his life, he sacrifices for her. He gives up everything to serve her. That's not of this world that would capture the attention of our neighbors, of people around us. And this is why God said, when you do that, you give the the world a glimpse of who I am and what I'm like. I hope that this series has been helpful for you.
It's been really fun for me to dive into these scriptures with you. I truly had like 30 pages of notes just on the last two weeks, and I've gotten through two of 'em. So it just made me realize like how, how good the word of God is for us in, in training us and teaching us what it means to be better followers of him, and really shaping our lives so that they can flourish, like God's ways are better, his thoughts are better, his thoughts are higher, his ways are better.
Than ours. And when we submit ourselves to the way that God designed things that man life just is, it's better, Jesus' way is better. And so I, I pray that as you've deep dived into the scriptures, just one chapter and only a few verses within that one chapter that it's really helped shape you and point you closer to Jesus.
And this hopefully gives you a glimpse of what it could be like to really dive into the scriptures more. I will probably end up doing more of these kind of things through books of the scripture, just because it's been so fun. I think it's been really helpful. For me, just personally. But anyway, I hope it's been helpful for you.
I love you guys a ton, and I'll see you next week.