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Welcome to How to Retire on Time, a show that answers your retirement questions. Say goodbye to the oversimplified advice you've heard hundreds of times. This show is about getting into the nitty-gritty so you can make better decisions as you prepare for retirement. Text your questions to 913-363-1234 and we'll feature them on the show. Don't forget to grab a copy of the book, How to Retire on Time, or check out our resources by going to www.retireontime.com.
There's a process to figuring out what's the skill set you wanna do, what's the community you're gonna join or create for that very thing. Welcome to the Retire On Time q and a podcast. I'm Mike Decker with David Fransson. This show is all about not talking about the oversimplified advice you've heard hundreds of times. It's all about the nitty gritty.
Mike:We're answering your questions that you've submitted. As always, text those questions to (913) 363-1234, and we'll feature them on the show. David oh, it's not financial advice. Alright. David, what do we got today?
David:Hey, Mike. I just retired, and I completely regret the decision. The problem is the job market is not letting me back in. What should I do moving forward?
Mike:So the typical reason, for these situations is forced unemployment, or there's or just you didn't really prepare for the next step thinking that you could busy yourself
Mike:Into happiness, and it just doesn't work that way. The other thing I want to point out is consider your state of being. Okay? In the world of psychology, I'm not a therapist, but you have what's called BLAST or BLASTED. And there's an acronym that says if you are, let's see, bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired Yeah.
Mike:You have elevated basically, you're susceptible to addiction, to maladaptive behavior, to destructive behavior. And what what adds insult to injury is if you had a preexisting addiction or addiction sensitivity is what I'm gonna call it. That's not really I don't think it's a psychology term, but I'm gonna call it Sure. That you were already drinking socially, you're probably drinking more now in retirement. And that's not good.
Mike:If you had a pornography addiction, if you had a drug addiction, and or you just were recreational with marijuana or whatever
Mike:It's probably getting worse. Here's what's going on. When you're in that state, your body is saying you're experiencing pain. And when you experience pain, your body is telling you, you need to get out of the pain. Mhmm.
Mike:You need to solve this right now. And so what do you do? You do to the you go to the the behavior or the substance that gives you the quickest out based on your preferred maladaptive behavior. Yeah. And that gets you a hit of dopamine, and this creates a vicious cycle for retirees.
Mike:Now, those who are more seasoned in life probably aren't as prone to the addictions that you see on the streets. I'm not suggesting that you're gonna be a, a is it politically correct to say, tweaker? I don't know. You know, the, like, the horrible situations that you see on the streets of these major cities.
Mike:That's not a political statement. That's saying that's rough. Yeah. So And there's a lot of evidence that suggests that people are turning to drugs early on in life because of isolation. But what's the problem with retirement?
Mike:It's isolation.
David:Yeah. You're not going into the office. You're not taking Zoom calls, whatever.
Mike:You're not connecting with people. There's not structure. There's not a challenge. And so retirees are set up basically to slowly move into agitation, addiction, or addiction sensitivities, or just not preferred behavior. You ever wonder why the elderly individual gets cranky?
Mike:It's not because they got older.
Mike:It's not because they don't care as much. It's because they're hurting. That's my take on it through the research that I've been pouring over over these last few years. It's a problem. So when you consider your retirement, like, is this person gonna do?
Mike:Well, it's probably hard to get back in the workforce. Ageism is a very real thing. Very real. So what is he gonna do? Well, now you have to create kind of a purpose portfolio or a lifestyle portfolio, and I'm not talking about the, you know, you know, going on a trip.
Mike:That's chasing ghosts. It's fun Mhmm. And you could set it up right, but think about it from this way. If you wanna get out of your funk, you're going to have to do a pattern interrupt. You're going to have to change your day to day.
Mike:Okay. That means you're gonna have to stop probably watching the news over and over again. It's important to be informed. I'm not saying don't be an informed citizen.
Mike:But maybe don't watch Fox or Newsmax if you're on the right, or what is it? MSNBC and CNN, if you're on the left, or whatever your Uh-huh. Your preferred poison is for the polit political side of things. Yeah. You don't wanna do that for four hours a day.
Mike:I don't know that's good for you because those programs are built to create rage in you. Yeah. That's how you end up getting addicted to it with this confirmation bias and so on. Maybe you stay informed, watch a little bit of it Mhmm. But you've gotta have a goal.
Mike:You've gotta have this pursuit. I'm not trying to be a motivational speaker. What I'm saying is the the absence that you're feeling, that loneliness, that that feeling of a lack of, is because you're probably not getting enough serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine in your life. All humans are hardwired to connect, which means you need to join a club.
Mike:You need to go volunteer at something that matters to you, whether it's at a church or a charity, take your pick. You need to have something that's going to be difficult in your life and then try to pursuit it. Let me give you an example.
Mike:You ever watch someone fly fish that's brand new at it?
David:I have not, but I've seen, like, in the movies, It's a very beautiful little, like
Mike:Yeah. It doesn't look like that at all at the beginning. You're hitting the back of your hat, and your your things getting tangled up, and you're trying to do, like, a roll cast, and it goes into, like, the and your fly falls off. Like, it is a disaster. Right?
David:Be me, for sure.
Mike:But if you say, you know, that's a really beautiful thing. I wanna learn that. Mhmm. And you're gonna dedicate yourself to learning the craft of fly fishing. Yeah.
Mike:How cool would that be? Yeah. Here's another one. Let's say you've always wanted to sew. I'm doing really cliche stuff, but you know what?
Mike:The 55 aren't offended as much as
David:the millennials. There you go. Alright.
Mike:Let's say you really wanna sew. Okay? You don't wanna sew quilts. That's not really your thing, but you just wanna learn how to create things. And so you sew clothes for fun.
Mike:You wanna you've always enjoyed fashion. Mhmm. Guess what? Your first blouse or dress is gonna suck. Mhmm.
Mike:It's gonna be terrible. But you know how good it's gonna feel if you keep at it Yeah. And learn how proper design works, how things fall on different body types in different ways, and the the structure and how it's it's so subtle Mhmm. But it makes a huge difference that after several attempts that you get it right, how good it's gonna feel. Mhmm.
Mike:See, that's dopamine right there in a healthy way. Mhmm. That's oxytocin in the pursuit of, and it's even better if you can do it with a group of people and you're sharing the different takeaways, the things that you're learning, and they're sharing what you're learning. Or you're sharing what you're learning, and they're sharing what they're learning.
Mike:You have to build these little communities. And I like it when people build a community about a pursuit or a skill set you wanna learn. Whether it's you wanna you're 60 years old, and you've always been fascinated by computers, so you're gonna learn how to code.
David:Oh, yeah.
Mike:How cool would that be?
Mike:And so what do do? You start with HTML and CSS. Yeah. The basics of coding. And you know what?
Mike:You you go to your grandson, you say, hey, look at this website I I built. Yeah. Or you learn Java, or you learn Python, or you start ex expanding into something like, I don't know, Ruby on Rails or, you know, all
David:the developers watching this, the software engineers like, this guy's an amateur. Yeah. Here we are.
Mike:But Yeah. You know, React or React Native. Right? And people are probably just saying, like, what in the world is that? Look, it's codes for, like, web apps or different like, if you wanna do programming, like JavaScript for well, don't really get JavaScript.
Mike:I mean, I get JavaScript, but what is Python? If you wanna do more quantitative analysis. So you need pick your poison. Yeah. Pick your antidote.
David:Yeah. There we go.
Mike:Pick your medicine that makes your life better. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Mike:How cool it would be to be critically engaged, have a community of people that you're developing a skill set. You wanna be a woodworker? Mhmm. Great. If you're retired, you can afford to buy basically some basic woodworking tools Mhmm.
Mike:You've committed to it. I'll tell you the story I'll never forget.
Mike:When I was in high school, you know, years ago, I know it looked like was last year.
Mike:You know, you know, what is it? Twenty years ago. Yeah. Yeah. A bite.
Mike:Twentieth anniversary. Swallow that. To go up to Seattle for that that bit there. Yeah. Just out of high school, worked at a music shop.
Mike:And a guy a a good friend of mine, he walks in and says, I wanna buy a guitar. I wanna learn it. I said, have you ever played? He says, no. I just I know I wanna learn it.
Mike:I said, great. Here's the the entry level guitar. It's about a $100 at that time. $100, really simple guitar. No problem.
Mike:The action so the string's higher on on the guitar, so it's gonna hurt more to push it down. It's gonna be harder to learn how to play. But it's cheap. If you wanna just try it out, whatever dabble, you're gonna increase your your probability of failure with it. You won't like it as much, but you know what?
Mike:You want to just test out, just see if you like it, that's that's a way to go. Okay. Here's a mid level guitar. Sounds okay. The action's okay.
Mike:It's fine. If you know you wanna do it, you need to buy this guitar. And I put it into a Martin d 35. I think no. Was d 28.
Mike:It was a beautiful Martin guitar, mahogany wood. I mean, just perfectly crafted, and it was like a thousand bucks.
Mike:It was expensive. And I said, if you know you want to learn it, and you wanna give yourself the best experience at the beginning, you buy that guitar. Yeah. And if you do that and you just play a little bit, you're gonna learn faster, it's gonna be less painful, it's gonna sound better, and you're gonna be more committed because you put more money into it. Uh-huh.
Mike:He bought the nicer guitar, and he still plays to this day
David:Okay. Twenty years later.
Mike:And we still talk about it. So you have to are you committed to it? Are you dabbling with it? If you're dabbling with it, maybe you read something like that or, you know, you but you you wanna understand that there there's a process to figure out what's the skill set you wanna do and what's the community you're gonna join or create for that very thing. Mhmm.
Mike:You wanna be developing a skill. You want some sort of intellectual pursuit. You talk about people, you talk about events, and then talk about ideas. It's like the three levels of conversations. Oh, And the highest level is talk about ideas, explore ideas.
Mike:Alright. That's like the highest level of sophistication. Everyone watching this is like, oh, you know, so and so said that, and sorry, forgot. Yeah. But it's normal people talk about other people.
Mike:It's gossip. Uh-huh. A higher level of intelligence or a higher quality of persons can talk about events. Did you hear what happened? Why did it happen?
Mike:You're exploring this. Uh-huh. The highest level is you're exploring an idea. Yeah. So having an intellectual pursuit, an idea that you're exploring or understanding, man, that engages you very much.
Mike:Like, a high level of of critical thought there, which is important. You do not wanna suspend a critical thought. And then you move into the next category, having a group of people that are physically active. Why do people get hurt in retirement? Their muscles atrophy, they fall over, they're done.
David:Mhmm. Gotta keep the strength up for just basic, like, can I lift the groceries?
Mike:Strength training is one of the most important things for retirees, and what do people do? They just go for walks. Mhmm. Oh, I'm old. I don't do strength training.
Mike:No. You don't know how to do strength training in retirement. Yeah. You're not 20 years old trying to bench 400 pounds Yeah. But you do wanna maintain your strength.
David:And you wanna be able to pick up your grandbaby
David:Off the floor.
Mike:And maybe even throw him around a little bit. Yeah. So you can do I mean, This is this is a pretty sad admittance to my own physical abilities.
David:Okay. Okay. Sure you wanna do this? There's no going back.
Mike:Well, no. When I so when I wanted to get into triathlons, and I'm not a triathlete, I would never claim that by any means. I enjoy them. Really, I enjoy the biking and the running. I hate the swimming.
Mike:Yeah. But when I said I was gonna start doing this, I signed up for a sprint. K? So a sprint is just a short triathlon. Yeah.
Mike:K? Get the full experience, though. Yeah. And I vividly remember so first off, the the guys go and then the girls go, right, in the two different waves. It's a it was a smaller one.
Mike:I vividly remember so I I I ran, which is a horrible situation, by the way. Uh-huh. I had a wetsuit on that I didn't size and chest in the water, so as it shrunk, I couldn't breathe, so had to open up the back, which created an extra, like, like it's like what do you call it? Like, resistance. Every stroke had additional resistance against the water because my back was open because I couldn't breathe.
Mike:That was a horrible disaster. But I eventually got there, and I didn't finish last, by the way. Alright. It was okay. I finished the swimming, then I'm biking, and then I'm running.
Mike:And I'm running, and it's towards the end of the race, and I see this person. They always have on the back of your calf, like, your age. Yeah. So you have your age group and all that. 70.
Mike:And then I see a little diabetes, like, little insulin pump in there.
Mike:And she's passing me.
David:Yeah. Okay.
Mike:I'm, like, 25 years old or something like And I see this 70 year old passing me with diabetes, and I'm going, I gotta make some big changes in my life.
Mike:Yeah. First off, kudos to her. Yeah. A hero. What a what a great example.
Mike:done. She is killing it in the best way possible, and I wasn't. Yeah. I also didn't really train well for that event. But the the point is you you you have to be engaged in these different pursuits.
Mike:And my promise to everyone, I can't guarantee I got I this isn't investment related, so I guess I can my personal guarantee Yeah.
Mike:Whatever that means. Yeah. If you structure your life around connecting with people and you have a connection with people in physical fitness that keeps your yourself accountable Mhmm. You're going to feel better. The research suggests that you're gonna feel better.
Mike:Mhmm. If you're around maybe the same group or a different group of people for intellectual pursuits that's challenging yourself and your thoughts Mhmm. You're probably gonna be feel better because the research says you're going to feel better.
Mike:And if you're around people where you're you're learning a skill set, the research says you're going to feel better. You need to grow. You need to advance. You need to challenge yourself. And then most importantly I don't know if most importantly, but I would say it's a huge important.
Mike:Have a romantic relationship and have good relationship with your family. And if there are issues with your family, work on solving them. You can't force family members to love you or mend things, but you can invite them in to make amends and to heal.
Mike:If you're feeling lonely, I'm willing to bet that one or all of those are lacking, and the it's it's hard to change. It is difficult to change behavior, to change circumstances. Mhmm. But as you slowly advance with this purpose or lifestyle portfolio design, even though you may not ever go back to work because you were forced out or whatever it might be, don't go to alcohol. Don't go to becoming a grumpy, agitated, older individual.
Mike:Be a light in this world. Have fun. And these are the ways that you can structure your life to be able to do that. Let me tell you one last story.
Mike:Because change is difficult. Anyone that hears this, I'm gonna do it, they're gonna burn out. It's like all New Year's resolutions just die Yeah. In January. Go slow.
Mike:Here's what I mean. This is a true story from a dear friend that told me this. Basically, it was an overweight individual that wanted to just get healthier, but everything they tried wasn't working. So then he saw a professional and said, alright, this wasn't
David:a fitness professional, this was a therapist, a psychologist, a coach, really, a personal coach.
Mike:Says, alright, here's what I want you to do. We're gonna slowly change your pattern. So how do
David:you go home, and where's the gym, and where's work? They figured out where that was, he says, all
Mike:I want you to do is just, on your way home, drive by the gym. That's it. Uh-huh. And I want you do that for a couple of weeks and make that your new path. It might cost you an extra two minutes on your drive home, but let's just just go that way.
Mike:Yeah. K? Just so you think about it. This is alright. Great.
Mike:So he does that for little bit, and then they change it a little bit. Now there he's gonna go home, and he's gonna go home, and he's just gonna put on his gym clothes, and that's it. Put on your gym clothes, play video games, veg out, eat whatever you want. Doesn't matter. Just just do that one thing.
Mike:Interesting. And it became a habit. So he'd go home, and he'd put on gym clothes every day, and that was it. K. And then once that became part of his routine, it was just like automatic.
Mike:He just thought, like, brushing your teeth, you just brush your teeth. Goes home, puts on the gym clothes, and then he's gonna drive and sit in the parking lot at the gym for one minute and then go home. He never even went to the gym.
David:And this is like over
Mike:a month now. He's never gone to the gym. But do you see how he's slowly altering the routine? Yeah. The behavior.
Mike:Right. So then the next one was you're gonna you're gonna go like, people aim way too big. You gotta aim smaller if you wanna make big changes. So you go home, get your gym clothes on, go to the gym, walk into the gym. Now you're paying for the gym membership.
Mike:You're gonna scan, you're gonna walk, just go to the back, and then walk out. Don't exercise. Wow. Now you need to understand, this is a morbidly obese individual.
Mike:They're scared of the gym. They're frightened of the gym. The idea of even working out is just terrifying. So if they go all out, there's a good chance they're gonna burn out. Uh-huh.
Mike:But But what are they doing? They're building more long term habits of just building it into the routine so it feels normal, that if you don't do it, something is off. See, your history, your past experiences shape your habits. And if you can alter your habits with new historical experiences, you've changed your routines and your habits change, your habitat or your state of being is going to change. Mhmm.
Mike:So the key is to have new experiences. So the slow adjustments that he was making here allowed him to eventually I think it was he then went in and did one exercise, and that was it. Okay. And then left. And then he just started doing more exercises, and it slowly went to then a more informed workout routine, and and his life completely changed.
Mike:Yeah. But he didn't go and say, I'm gonna give up all sugar, and I'm gonna give up video games, and I'm gonna do this. Not doesn't work that way. Yeah. Especially when you have one moment where you are bored sorry.
Mike:Bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired. Uh-huh. You're right back in. Everything's interrupted. You're going back to old ways.
Mike:Yeah. You've got to build slowly. So you don't say, I'm gonna do golf and fly fishing and quilting and start a garden and all. Just slowly start to adjust things. And think about it that I'm gonna be very happy within a year's time, and I'm gonna get there in a very sustainable way that's going to stick.
Mike:Mhmm. Because the last thing you want is to try and fix it by an incredible high dopamine experience that's unsustainable. You wanna slowly shift, and these are the chemicals instead of being sad, anxious, lonely, depressed, which I I believe the chemicals are norepinephrine, testosterone, and cortisol. Okay. Yeah.
Mike:Yeah. Those are the drugs that are making your life miserable. You want to slowly change the activities so that your body's producing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine on healthy, sustainable levels. Because if they're healthy and they're sustainable, then your life slowly becomes happier. Mhmm.
Mike:If you take the the quick hit, it's not sustainable. It's not gonna work long term. It's insatiable. Mhmm. Be careful.
Mike:And if you enjoy this show, make sure to subscribe to it wherever you get your podcast and or on YouTube. As always, go to retireontime.com for more resources, calculators, planners, workbooks, the book itself, and much more. Thank you for spending your time, your most precious asset with us today. We'll see
David:you in
Mike:the next show.