Dig the Well | Episode 18: The Balancing Act: Marriage, Kids, and a Thriving Business
Dig the Well | Episode 18: The Balancing Act: Marriage, Kids, and a Thriving BusinessDig the Well | Episode 18: The Balancing Act: Marriage, Kids, and a Thriving Business
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Dig the Well | Episode 18: The Balancing Act: Marriage, Kids, and a Thriving Business
Ever wondered how to keep the spark alive in a 36-year marriage while running a business together? Join us on Dig the Well as John and Vikki Downey reveal the secrets behind their successful partnership in both love and work.
In this episode, we dive deep into the art of communication and conflict resolution. Discover why listening might just be the ultimate superpower in any relationship and how to handle disagreements without turning your home into a battlefield.
We also explore the balancing act of prioritizing marriage while raising children and running a business. Hear about the vital role humor plays in their relationship and why maintaining friendships outside of marriage is crucial, especially for women.
Plus, don't miss our playful lightning round that uncovers quirky habits and personal preferences! Tune in for personal anecdotes, valuable insights, and a dose of inspiration to nurture both your marriage and business ventures.
Thank you for listening! We hope you enjoyed this episode. Remember you can always connect with us on social media @thevikkidowney and be sure to check out our website johnandvikki.com.
If you are interested you can find Vikki's book HERE and the audio book HERE!
Ever wondered how to keep the spark alive in a 36-year marriage while running a business together? Join us on Dig the Well as John and Vikki Downey reveal the secrets behind their successful partnership in both love and work.
In this episode, we dive deep into the art of communication and conflict resolution. Discover why listening might just be the ultimate superpower in any relationship and how to handle disagreements without turning your home into a battlefield.
We also explore the balancing act of prioritizing marriage while raising children and running a business. Hear about the vital role humor plays in their relationship and why maintaining friendships outside of marriage is crucial, especially for women.
Plus, don't miss our playful lightning round that uncovers quirky habits and personal preferences! Tune in for personal anecdotes, valuable insights, and a dose of inspiration to nurture both your marriage and business ventures.
Thank you for listening! We hope you enjoyed this episode. Remember you can always connect with us on social media @thevikkidowney and be sure to check out our website johnandvikki.com.
If you are interested you can find Vikki's book HERE and the audio book HERE!
Feeling overwhelmed by your family's daily grind and looking for a way out? Welcome to "Dig the Well," the podcast that empowers you to build the life you deserve. Your hosts Vikki and John are top earners at Neora. Vikki is a # 1 best-selling author and John is a retired Los Angeles Police Officer. Together they’ve navigated family challenges, raised successful kids, and achieved financial freedom.
In each episode of "Dig the Well," they dive deep into the strategies and mindsets that can help you break free from the constraints of the traditional 9-5 lifestyle. They understand the unique challenges faced by stay-at-home moms and families who are juggling multiple responsibilities and struggling to find balance. Their mission is to provide you with the tools and inspiration you need to create additional income, gain more family time, and ultimately, transform your life.
Throughout their journey, they’ve had the privilege of working with renowned figures like Jack Canfield and Jeff Olson, whose wisdom and insights have greatly influenced their path to success. They’ve also celebrated significant milestones, such as raising two valedictorian children and supporting their son, an Olympic weightlifter on Team USA. These experiences have equipped them with valuable knowledge and practical tips that they’re eager to share with you.
"Dig the Well" is more than just a podcast; it's a community of like-minded individuals who are committed to personal growth and financial independence. Whether you're worried about your family's financial security, longing for more quality time with your spouse, or simply seeking a way to reignite your passions, this podcast offers actionable insights and real-life stories that can help you achieve your goals.
Our mission is to inspire you with the belief that if we can do it, so can you. We want you to feel empowered, educated, and ready to take control of your future. By tuning in to "Dig the Well," you'll gain the confidence and knowledge needed to break free from the daily grind and create a life full of possibilities.
So, if you're ready to transform your family's future and discover the greatness within you, join us on this journey. Subscribe to "Dig the Well" and start building the life you deserve today!
Vikki:
This is the EWN podcast network.
John:
Ever wondered how you could turn your side hustle into a full time gig and spend more time together?
Vikki:
Hi. I'm Vikki, a number one best selling author.
John:
And I'm John, a retired Los Angeles police officer. Welcome to Dig the Well, where we help couples navigate the world of business.
Vikki:
We've been married for 30 5 years, and because we built a successful side business, John retired 9 years earlier than he originally planned from the Los Angeles Police Department after 25 years on the job. Now we spend more time together, and we want to help couples like you do the same.
John:
Join us as we help you overcome common obstacles, and we show you how to make extra income without sacrificing family time.
Vikki:
Ready to dig deep and build your well? Let's get started. Welcome back to Dig the Well. We're excited to be with you.
John:
And Yes, we are.
Vikki:
Yeah. Guess why? Guess why?
John:
Something I'm supposed to remember.
Vikki:
Yeah. Something happened this week.
John:
I don't know. So sorry, anniversary.
Vikki:
Yeah. We are married 36 years, January 28th.
John:
Yeah. It only feels like 38 or 39.
Vikki:
I thought you were gonna say, like, 50.
John:
No. It's not that bad.
Vikki:
So we are excited for that, for one, because not many couples are making it that long. Well, actually, the tides are changing.
John:
We know a lot of people have been married Yeah. That longer and longer.
Vikki:
Yeah. And the funny thing is I've met some we were married in 1989. So that's you could you could have figured that out on your own. I'm sure. But, I've met so many 1989 couples, and give a shout out in the comments if that's one of you that has that stayed married, like so many.
Vikki:
Yes. So there must have been, like, something brewing around that time that we wanted to make a change.
John:
And your your brother and and his wife
Vikki:
They're still they
John:
got a year on us.
Vikki:
Yeah. They married in 88. And I remember, you know, they would say the divorce rate's 51% or something big like that. And I do remember making a cognizant effort that that's not gonna be yes. You know?
Vikki:
Right. That this was you're getting married once. So so yeah. So we're excited about that, and we get a lot of people asking us, about that specific question. How do you guys do it?
Vikki:
Number 1, how do you stay married as a police couple? That's one of the things. Then just how do you stay married in general as a couple this day and age? And, how do you run a business successfully and stay married? It's like a threefold question.
John:
Especially the business part of it. You know, I don't know if that's if it's good or bad. Right? I know. Have it running having a business together?
John:
Yeah. I think it's hard at first, but then I think it gets a lot easier. I think it makes us stronger or made us stronger. Right?
Vikki:
And I think because we started so young with with the business together where a lot of people they have corporate jobs and then maybe do a business together later, and it's you're kinda set in your ways or can be. I don't know. So I think, yeah, that might be what helped us. So anyone listening that's not married yet, go in business together first. Because that was that was like the kiln.
Vikki:
Is that what that's called in pottery? The kiln?
John:
Yeah. I'm not sure if the end's silent or not.
Vikki:
I know. I don't know either. Kill? That sounds bad for me. The thing you
John:
put pottery in?
Vikki:
Yeah. The the oven? That oven, that fire, that was us. We were in that when we had our first business for sure.
John:
Yeah. We were forged in that fire. Yeah. I'd say if we survived that, we could survive
Vikki:
anything. I know. So we we had that business before we got married. So that's, we we kind of attribute to a lot of our marriage success. And and actually business, right, is that we had I don't wanna say knock down, drag out fights, but I kinda say that a lot that we did.
Vikki:
That that we really had some fights and Yeah.
John:
Fight but not physical. No. A lot of yellings came from.
Vikki:
Yeah. And then
John:
But never physical.
Vikki:
Right. Never. I think both of us would have walked away from a situation like that. But, yeah, never. But, we were both came from verbal families.
Vikki:
I know mine was very verbal and was yours?
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
Yeah. So you stood up for yourself kind of a thing. So so yeah. But that made our marriage then stronger, we always talk about, let alone the business. So yeah.
Vikki:
So we're gonna talk about that. We're gonna ask each other some questions. We put some questions together and even a rapid fire session at the end because one of our first episodes, if you haven't listened to that, it might have been our first. We did the rapid fire question part, and so many people have comment that they Oh, really? That they love that.
Vikki:
Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Lots. So, and we're gonna ask both of us the same questions on these.
Vikki:
Right? Mhmm. That's what we kind of decided. So do you wanna go first?
John:
Sure. The first one you have here is the secret sauce. Communication is key. How you navigate tough conversations.
Vikki:
Yeah. So kind of the I think they when we're putting that question together, it was like how do we navigate tough conversations? And that is something we've had to grow on over the years because I don't think we were great at it at first, just like anyone. Yeah. Just like anything, but I learned not to hide anything from John, that it's okay to have the tough conversations, that, you know, maybe he's gonna be mad at me because I did I did something stupid.
Vikki:
Right? Or but I need to just get over that. And and just like in life, you need to own and take responsibility if something happened. I'm try I'm thinking of, like, particularly in Prestige Motoring Accessories when we were we had a lot of cars and they were worth a lot of money and we were attending them. We had a lot we were doing a lot of Mercedes Benz, a lot of, and I can't remember.
Vikki:
I know one of our employees crashed that dually into the side of our shop, But I am sure I did something corner of my truck. Oh, is it your truck? I thought it was a dually.
John:
He turned too tight into the parking space and didn't real didn't realize how wide duallys are, I guess. Excuse me. And, yeah, caught the corner of my truck.
Vikki:
It was My
John:
truck had those big that big, that big bumper. It was like the same materials roll bar was, and so it didn't even damage it. I don't even think it scratched the bumper, but it destroyed the Yeah. The, you know, the the duallys that that cover those wheels, especially at that time, I don't know if they're the same. I assume they are.
John:
It was some sort of urethane or or fiberglass. It wasn't metal. So So I just destroyed it. Yeah. That's brand new Dooly.
Vikki:
That was bad. But That was stressful. But that wasn't me. That was the employee. But I'm thinking I know and I think my brain is making me forget all the things that I did at the shop, like that damaged things that we had to then pay for and repair.
Vikki:
But I had to tell John. And did I really want to? No. But communication is key. Getting things out in the open is key, and keeping it secret or lying about it never works.
Vikki:
So if you're keeping secrets from your spouse, I don't think it's smart. Yeah. And then the other part about communication that I wanted to bring up that John does very well, and I I'm gonna say that I've been continuing to work on is, speaking, but the most important part is listening. The two ears versus one mouth for a reason. Right?
Vikki:
And you all like, look at you now. He's listening so well. But you model that for me still every day.
John:
Really? Well, I guess maybe I just I am a firm believer in, the listening part is more important than the speaking part.
Vikki:
Yeah. Yeah. It it really is and it's something I don't know. My brain just a friend of mine told me once, you you say everything that's in your head. You just say it all.
Vikki:
And I'm and she's partly right. I do say a lot. Mhmm. But I'm thinking to myself, you don't know how much is really going. I I actually hold back.
Vikki:
But anyway so I know that I do speak a lot, but I think on this podcast, I've done pretty well, haven't I? This whole you know, since we started. I think I've I've really worked on the listening, but but if this is something, especially women, we struggle with. We're talkers. Right?
Vikki:
We some women are great at listening, so applause to you. But for those of you that know you're not, be open to your man giving you some tips on that. That's what I wanna say, you know, truly. And John still, I think, sometimes doesn't think I'm working on it, but I truly am.
John:
No. I never felt that.
Vikki:
I get the impression because I can see the frustration in his face.
John:
Well, that's that's me. I'm just I'm not a very patient person a lot of times, and I know that's always been, kind of a fault, I guess, if you will, that I've I've had to really work on. Yeah. Because over, like, fairly early in my career, a supervisor said, hey. I want you to be a field training officer.
John:
And at that time, I was like, there's no way. I have no patience for for that. And it's like, you've do your job and do it right. And I'm I just didn't have any patience to try and teach someone or be patient and let them work through mistakes. That came later in my career where it was, like, I got it.
John:
Right? That I made mistakes, obviously. People had to be patient with me. But for some reason, I guess, maybe it's just a maturity thing. I just wasn't mature enough just to say to to be more tolerant of that.
John:
Right. So I think that's still a deal with me. We
Vikki:
all have our things. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe God put us together. That's one thing I always say.
Vikki:
I don't know if John says this. But I when it came to child rearing and I could wake up in the middle of the night and he preferred to stay asleep and sleep in. And right? I was a night owl. I mean, I was this I was wait.
John:
The
Vikki:
other way around. Yeah. John would be the night owl, but I'd fall asleep because I was up with the baby early. But I would say, well, that's why God put us together.
John:
And Or he just wanted a big a good laugh.
Vikki:
I know. Because I know that's a struggle for couples. Well, you're just talking to our daughter and son-in-law about how she's an early bur early riser, and he's, you know, he stays up late. And so I said, well, that's perfect. That's why god put you together.
Vikki:
So Yeah.
John:
And it worked out for us, though.
Vikki:
It did. It ended up. Being on
John:
like opposite schedules and what? Oh, I think we made it work.
Vikki:
It yes. But you were frustrated that I would always fall asleep. Like, we'd put a movie on and I would and I
John:
That happens today still. Every time it Right.
Vikki:
Because you wanna watch it with me and talk about it.
John:
So here's what we're doing now. We're watching a series, again, and, of course, we don't watch TV until usually a little bit later at night because we're doing business and and income producing activities.
Vikki:
Right.
John:
Pretty much through or throughout the day, right. So, but so I had watched a series and I'd already watched it and Vic was like, this is actually pretty cool. I wanna watch this. And so I said, okay, I'll watch it with you. So now, basically, what I'm doing is I'm watching it a second time.
John:
I've already seen it. I already know how it goes because I just saw it recently. Yeah. So I'm watching this thing a second time alone
Vikki:
because someone is out. I fell asleep again.
John:
Within just a few minutes, you're out now. Vic, when you and Vic, she always say wake me wake me. Yeah. I do. So I wake her up and then she rewinds it to where she remembered seeing.
John:
So now I'm watching it a third time, and then I look over, she's asleep again.
Vikki:
I know. Yeah. I've gotten better over the years, but, yeah, that's true. That's so funny. But, yeah, it's not always easy.
Vikki:
And and honestly, if we could talk about sex too early in our marriage, that would be because that's we should talk about things like that. That would be a thing because you were wanting to have sex and I would wanna just I was tired. Right? Especially with kids. So that's something to work on with each other and make some, what's the Compromise.
Vikki:
Thank you. Compromises. Yeah. The definitely, ladies, that is something to compromise on because it's really important. But, anyway, back to, we all have things to work on.
Vikki:
I just yeah. I think that, you know, that's huge. Is that's cool that you recognize the patience. I recognize the listening and many other things, but, you know, always be willing to work on yourself. I think you know what else I think helped us?
Vikki:
We, had another business, where they really encouraged personal development, and that was we were, like, 6 years married. That was it when we started that business. And they were encouraging us to read these books, and we would read them and it was mind blowing. It was all about fixing yourself because you can't fix the other person. Right?
Vikki:
You can't change them. And so that helped our marriage so much. So always doable.
John:
Yeah. And that's a great point because if you're just trying to figure it out yourself, it's gonna take you so long to figure it out.
Vikki:
Yeah.
John:
And I think it could do damage to your relationship. And and I think there's probably people that their relationships have failed. And if they had probably read a few self help books, some personal development
Vikki:
Yeah.
John:
That they may, you know, they still may be together today because they could have, worked on that earlier rather than.
Vikki:
Right. And, you know, honestly, reach out to us. I just had a thought. If you want some good marriage books, that I could definitely recommend some really great ones. So in the comments, if you're watch watching on YouTube or Rumble, put it in there.
Vikki:
You could always email us at in the show notes. It has our email address on whatever platform you're listening on, but we have such a great book list.
John:
And then basically you're you're, I guess, you're just learning from experts when you read these things and you read these books and you're also, learning from other people's experiences and some of their past mistakes. Yeah. I know with guys a lot of times, they think of that as a sign sign of weakness. If they're asking for help or if they're reading, a book or publication that's supposed to help them, and it's a sign of weakness, and it's not. It's actually a sign of strength.
Vikki:
Yeah. I hope that changes for men. It really should. It is a sign of strength. I think
John:
But I used to see it like that. Like weakness.
Vikki:
Right.
John:
Exactly. I don't ask for directions.
Vikki:
Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I think a lot of men think of book reading, and it's the biggest gift you could give yourself, let alone all the people that love you. Yeah.
Vikki:
Is to develop yourself. Yeah. Next, handling disagreements without chaos. That's a tough one for married couples. Don't you think?
Vikki:
For a lot. And that's why a lot wind up in divorce because there's just utter chaos when they disagree, and then they hold grudges, which we don't do. That's something that I think is great that we've learned.
John:
I think part of it too is we don't we don't keep it inside. Like, if we have a disagreement, we'll just talk about it. Right. And some and if if it even, let's say, it ends up being in an argument where we're not happy with each other, but we're still gonna get it all out. Because I think if you try and hold some of it back and hold some of it in, that's when you're that's when you have these grudges.
John:
Right?
Vikki:
Right. Yeah. It's really true.
John:
Get over it.
Vikki:
Right. And it festers, like, yeah, like a splinter that, you know, right, that you leave in. Yeah. That's so true. And, I was gonna say that I think, you know, you're always told, don't go to bed angry.
Vikki:
I I think that is an absolute myth, that we've learned over the years. Sometimes if you it's not good to drag the fight out to keep fighting and you're getting nowhere. I actually read a book recently that said, and I'm thinking, I've we figured this out on our own. But even the book backed us up that, you know, it is okay to go to sleep still a little upset, especially if your disagreement's not getting anywhere, and it's getting worse verbally. Right?
Vikki:
I say go to sleep, you wake up, you have a way clearer mind after that and, then talk about it the next day if you need to, and apologize.
John:
Yes. Yeah. It's funny that a lot of times all the, the anger is gone. Yeah. The next by the next day.
John:
In fact, there's been times when I knew we were arguing, I wake up and I can't figure out what we're arguing about. Yeah. And then it it takes me a minute, you know, or actually more than a minute, takes me several minutes to think about it. Like, what the heck were we arguing? Then then I'll remember, oh, that's right.
John:
And then I think I'll think to myself at that point, that's just really stupid. That's just that doesn't make any sense. Right. It was even the
Vikki:
dumbest thing. Arguments usually do boil down to, like, the stupidest thing.
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
Yeah. Stupidest. Is that a word? Yeah. So good.
Vikki:
Good. So definitely. Yeah. I'm so glad we're better at that.
John:
And no low blows. That's what you have on this paper.
Vikki:
Oh, yeah.
John:
No low blows. Right? Because that's just hurtful.
Vikki:
That's hurt that's one thing. And I don't
John:
constructive at all.
Vikki:
I don't think I do low blows. Maybe there's been a time or two John took it as a low blow. I I really don't ever intend to, and I know John doesn't. Like and he's really good and not criticizing me ever for my appearance. You know, ladies and men listening, this is a big tip that they should learn from you, and I haven't really said this to you publicly.
Vikki:
He has net when I've gained weight during a pregnancy or not being pregnant and gaining weight later and then working on getting it off. Never once has he ever said anything about my appearance, and that's a huge, thank you. Because a lot of men, that's a really bad trait that you have. So if you're currently doing that, stop. Because there's plenty of things your wife could say about you, I'm sure.
Vikki:
Right? And it doesn't help. It doesn't help. So
John:
Yeah. Just never.
Vikki:
You never have. Yeah. Alright. On to prioritizing, the marriage while raising kids. So I think we've always done that.
Vikki:
What do you think?
John:
I think so.
Vikki:
Yeah. You know,
John:
one, something interesting, and and I know you and I have never felt this way. It's not that our kids aren't important to us, but there are so many people that say that their children are their entire lives. Like, I do everything for my daughter. I do everything for my son. I do everything for my kids.
John:
Never mentioning their wife or their husband or spouse. Right? I I always thought that was kind of weird in, like, the hierarchy of things.
Vikki:
Right.
John:
That you would put the kids at the very top, which is odd to me, and I know we've never done that. Right?
Vikki:
Yeah. It's always God first. This is what we believe. God, then each other, then the kids, and then all your friends and family. Right?
Vikki:
That's the least mine.
John:
But then yeah. But for sure Yeah.
Vikki:
It's so nerve root.
John:
I've never even thought of it. Like the kids.
Vikki:
Yeah. And if anyone knows us, they know we are all about our kids. Like, so that's saying something because we never missed a a practice. Like, it's, you know, John just talked about that. Misa's talked about that.
Vikki:
They've both been on our, podcast. We fly all over the world to watch John compete in weightlifting. We're there for Misa's everything that she does. Yeah. So we put our kids first.
Vikki:
So that's saying a lot, but we also put ourselves first, the marriage. Right? Because the marriage has to be strong to raise great kids.
John:
Mhmm.
Vikki:
Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. And then you know what? There is a great book I do wanna mention.
Vikki:
Love the 5 love languages. We, you know, part of our personal development journey, somehow we came across that book years ago, and it's still popular now. Like, I talk to people, millennials now, and they're like, what that shower? We went to a coed baby shower, and somebody was saying, what's your love language? It was a man saying, what's your love language?
Vikki:
And I was, like, shocked. And then they were like, I think I'm gifts. And then another man at the table, he was like, I actually think I'm, you know, words of affirmation. So a lot of people know about this book if you haven't read it, the 5 love languages. I can't remember the author.
Vikki:
I apologize for that. But, we took a and there's a quiz you can take on it. So as a family, as our kids were growing up, not only did we take it for ourselves, but we kinda wanted to know that was interesting. And then we wanted to know what our kids were so we could talk in their love language. That's such a great book.
Vikki:
Because if John is gifts I'll just tell you a little bit about it. If John is gifts, I know I'm words of affirmation as as well as some other stuff, you know, and so I need him or want him to be showering me with affirmations. It just it is how I feel loved and supported. Where if I'm showering him, oh, you look good, honey. Oh, I love your hair.
Vikki:
Oh, that blue shirt. It's not getting anywhere. Like, it's not that's not his love language. His love language, one of them is gifts and what's some I should know this. Acts of service, maybe?
John:
Yeah. Probably some
Vikki:
Anyway, that gets to them. Right? So communication and prioritizing your your marriage, you know, while raising kids, you need to know those types of things too. So is there any other tip on that that you would suggest date nights, making sure to do date nights? Do you think the husband should plan the date nights or the wife?
John:
I think that all depends. Right?
Vikki:
I was wondering what
John:
you're gonna
Vikki:
say. Yeah. Do you don't mind if I do?
John:
No. I don't really don't think. It doesn't make one different it doesn't make a big difference to me. But some people, it does.
Vikki:
Exactly. That's what I was saying. Do you feel threatened if I do? Or because some men do feel threatened that they wanna plan the date because they feel like
John:
they're dying.
Vikki:
No. I didn't think so either. Maybe not all the time. Yeah. But picking restaurants, you'd love it when I you know, you're like, well, you pick.
Vikki:
Just pick. Like, that's, like, everybody's, like, argument. So everyone's trying to please each other.
John:
I'm less picky about food. So that's why I want you to pick because I don't want you to be happy.
Vikki:
And I don't think so.
John:
You don't think so?
Vikki:
Yeah. No. But, anyway, see We're gonna find out this later. Disagree on this one. Okay.
Vikki:
So running a business, we get this a lot. How do you, run your business successfully without burning out on the marriage? But how I kind of equate that is without killing each other. We posted that once, that that's what this podcast was gonna be about. How to run the business without killing the spouse.
Vikki:
And, you know, we were joking, but but sometimes you really are frustrated. So, yeah. How do we do it? I think do you wanna answer first? I was just gonna say we've learned to walk away when something gets heated or we've been together too much.
Vikki:
We don't even discuss it anymore. We both just kinda John goes and has a cigar outside. You know, I feel like I go shopping or call a girlfriend. I think we've figured out that we each need space in some way.
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
That's one of that's just, gosh, one of many things. What do you think?
John:
Well, it it I think in the question here is is how do you separate business, personal, and working together while respecting each other's zones? I think that has a lot to do with it right there, that last part, tips for working together while respecting each other's zones. I think we early on, identified different aspects of the business that each would be doing. Right? Because we can't do everything.
John:
We can't do the we can't do everything, each of us. Right? Because then you have all this duplication of of effort, which would be it's not efficient.
Vikki:
Right.
John:
So we would we would have our own, tasks that we did. And I think by separating that and having, like, the I'm in charge of this. You're in charge of that. Mhmm. And I don't meddle with what you're doing.
John:
I don't micromanage it. I don't second guess it. It's just you're the expert on that and you're gonna do it and I'm good to go with that. I think when we we did that, when we identified those areas, I think that helped a lot.
Vikki:
Yeah. That's true. And then only if we needed, like, I need you to proofread something or vice versa that, that's what when you ask the other person. That's fine. Yeah.
Vikki:
It's very true. Like with Neora, for example, I'm the face of Neora, but like John does a ton of the three way calls for our team. Right? And training some trainings, for the team. So yeah.
Vikki:
Yeah. It's true. We kind of differentiated who gets what.
John:
And even if it didn't even if it wasn't for to benefit our relationship. Right? It just makes sense, no matter what business you're in, if you have a business partner, that you identify different, different areas that you're gonna work in and Right. Not duplicate what the other's doing.
Vikki:
And and like we talked about this morning about someone being a micromanager. We're always relating business to to things. It's so funny. And, who what were we talking maybe we shouldn't talk about it. We're talking about somebody being a micromanager anyway, but that can happen.
Vikki:
Right? You can feel micromanaged by your partner if they're trying to horn in on what you already have taken care of. Like, look, you asked me to handle this. Why are you stepping in? Yeah.
Vikki:
So true.
John:
When I said, I just when we did that, it was like you were the expert at what you're doing and I accept that and I wouldn't even question it.
Vikki:
Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That's so true and kind of, it goes with parenting too.
Vikki:
Just just real quick that if mommy if one of the kids asked mommy something, could I go over here in to Joey's house? And mommy said no. They were not allowed to go ask daddy. Hey, daddy. Could I go to Joey's?
Vikki:
Because if they did, John would know to say, what did mom say? And vice versa. Did you already ask your dad? Well, what did he say? Right?
Vikki:
So we're always on the same page together too. So kinda reminds me of that a little bit. So okay. So parenting as a team, while raising successful kids or while raising your kids, that's kinda what we just talked about, isn't it? Maybe I was like reading 2 questions into 1.
John:
Another another, part of that though that we haven't talked about is having united having a united front.
Vikki:
Yes.
John:
Right. That's really important. And then there were there were times Vicki would make a decision, on something that I didn't necessarily agree with, but I didn't disagree with Vicki in front of the kids.
Vikki:
Right.
John:
So I always had her back, and I know she always had mine. Yeah. And later, when it was just the 2 of us, we would talk it through. Right. And talk about I always saw it a little differently.
Vikki:
Yeah. We I remember so many. Should you real should we really have been that hard on who at whichever me sir John? Could we bend a little no. And then if the other felt, no.
Vikki:
I feel strongly about this. No. We need to stand our ground. No. We're not allowing it.
Vikki:
You know? And then, you know, whoever would say, okay.
John:
We would usually we would usually find some common ground. Yeah. And I think it goes back to the original point that we talked about with communication. Yeah. But if we didn't communicate just the 2 of us, we wouldn't find that common ground and it would just be an issue over and over and over again.
John:
But then once we found common ground, it was it was simple.
Vikki:
Right. Yeah. And could we go into that? Because we chatted just a little bit about choosing your partner. Can we talk about that a little bit?
Vikki:
Yeah. About well, it's what I feel strongly about. I know John agrees with me. I don't know if he feels as strongly as I do, but it's when you're picking a partner, I just feel, political beliefs and, spiritual beliefs need to be aligned. I've we've just seen too many marriages crumble over political, you know, one's one believes one way, one believes another, or spiritually.
Vikki:
And I really I feel so strongly when you're picking a partner that it's gonna be a tough road to hoe if you don't you don't believe the same, and discipline and disciplining children issues. It's kinda like three things that I think. What do you think about that?
John:
Probably more than 3 things. Yeah.
Vikki:
There's probably quite a bit, but those are the 3 biggies for me.
John:
Yeah. I think we've always agreed. I know I've always I've always thought that, differences in relationships are a good thing. Right? You don't want a carbon copy of yourself.
John:
That'd be brilliant. That'd be boring. Yeah. So I I like that Vicky's different and she has a different opinion on many things, than I do because it opens it helps me grow. Right?
John:
Because then I'm I'm exposed to something that I didn't even think of, that I wouldn't have even thought of it that way from her perspective. And when she shares it with me, it's like, wow. Okay. Now I see it differently. So it helps me grow.
John:
Right. Having said that, like Vic mentioned, there are certain topics that you do have to be on the same sheet of music. Yeah. Which is, I mean, gosh, there's there are actually a lot.
Vikki:
And yeah. And if you do plan to have kids, to me, that's a biggie too on if you're a super strong disciplinarian and your spouse is really not and is actually kind of repelled by strong disciplinarian style, I don't think it's gonna work because one's gonna undermine the other. I'm sorry. I just I mean, unless they're willing to change You've
John:
got to find common ground.
Vikki:
Yeah.
John:
And I and on all those issues. Right? Right. Important issues that you just mentioned, and there's more.
Vikki:
Yeah.
John:
Yeah. You really do have to talk it through and figure it out and find some common ground where you guys can both exist. You're just
Vikki:
gonna battle. Oh my gosh. You're just gonna battle each other. And then I've seen it go to divorce, and they're still battling each other, and they drag the kids, you know, into it all. It's just yeah.
Vikki:
So I think when you're picking your spouse, choose wisely. Like, don't jump into a a relationship or a marriage, the marriage, till you're absolutely sure. And don't think you're gonna change them. That's the other thing. Oh, yeah.
Vikki:
That's the other thing. And, one of the books I read early on, there was something that was annoying me about John just like I'm sure there's tons of things that annoy I know there are that annoyed John. But I remember saying to myself, guess what, Vicky? You knew this when you married him. You you knew you that's who he was.
Vikki:
You're not gonna be able to change him. If he wants to change, that's a different story, but I'm not gonna change him. So when we would have battles, I would have conversations with myself about the fact, well, Vic, you knew it when you married him. So and I know again, I'm I'm I'm, you know, you've I'm sure thought that yourself like, oh, I didn't know that when I married her. But I think it's more a woman thing.
Vikki:
I think guys are pretty you're pretty easy to get along with us. Right? I think women typically wanna change the man for some reason. Either they want to or they think they can. Yeah.
Vikki:
So ladies, it's just a big tip that you can't change him. He's gonna have to change himself. So you should you could have those discussions Yeah. You know, before you get married. But, yeah.
John:
Or it's probably more it it might be more effective that if you need to figure out what you need to change about yourself Yeah. So that you can tolerate maybe what you don't like about
Vikki:
Him. Or her.
John:
Could be Yeah. So I was like, maybe it's him.
Vikki:
So I was like, because that was him to me, but it was her. And I do have to say, I if you haven't gotten ladies, if you feel like you're struggling in this area, recently I got a coach and you might think, why do you why do you need a marriage coach? After and I think we were 35 years married then, maybe 34. I just I personally wanted to fine tune me. I wasn't trying to find because I know I can't change Sean, but I wanted to fine tune me.
Vikki:
And guess what I found out, ladies? There are a lot of things, and it's actually biblical. There are a lot of things that we can change in ourselves and then the husband changes. So because sorry. This doesn't I hope this doesn't sound bad, but men are pretty simple creatures.
Vikki:
Wouldn't you agree? Kind of. Like, feed you, show you some love and attention, respect you you and your decisions, and, and you're happy. And I think women we are complicated, and I think a man would agree with that too. We are so complicated.
Vikki:
So if you knew that there are a few things that you did that was really irritating your spouse that causes the spouse to lash out or do things you don't want them to do, why not change yourself, right, and see if it works for you. So, anyway, I did that and I've seen dramatic changes in our marriage because it was stuff I was doing. So I'm just talking to the ladies on this and, you know, some of you very woman power ladies listening might think, well, why shouldn't the husband also do that? Well, yes. The husband should look at themselves too, but we can only change ourselves.
Vikki:
So I'm just saying it worked for me, and I have a really great marriage coach that I could recommend, that was amazing. And I think have you noticed, like, a change? I don't know if you could say that, and I'm putting you on the spot. The last year and a half when it comes to, like, especially travel, I feel like we've we've always been good travel partners, but there were things I was doing that were, I think, irritating you. And maybe maybe that's a whole another episode.
Vikki:
Irritating.
John:
I'm gonna get on a plane, and she's asleep for the almost the entire flight.
Vikki:
Is that irritating? Yep. Why?
John:
It irritates me when anyone's asleep because I'm not asleep, and I can't find asleep? No one's sleeping.
Vikki:
Oh, that's funny.
John:
I'm like a little baby, but I get on the plane. And when it taxis, as soon as it pushes back from the gate and then like a lot of these airports, there's a lot of taxiing. Right? It's like dry I'm almost driving to the destination, it seems like. But when it's taxiing, I fall asleep.
Vikki:
Oh, that's what you
John:
do. Gentle like the car?
Vikki:
You do. And then I'm awake and then you wake up and then he gets his drink and I'm out and I'm mad because I didn't get my drink because I fell asleep.
John:
Yeah. That's what she gives. Because you're sleeping through the whole thing.
Vikki:
It's my own fault. Yeah. I know. That's funny. That is funny.
Vikki:
Okay. So you know what? We might jump to the humor one, because this seems like a perfect segue that it's funny. Okay. This is a funny story.
Vikki:
We, my parents had a lot of friends that were married for 40, 50 years, and we associated with them. They my parents had lots of parties. They had this group called saints and sinners. It started at a as a newcomers club to the city of West Covina where they where we moved in the seventies. And, anyway, then nobody wanted to leave the newcomers club.
Vikki:
Even though they weren't newcomers anymore, they changed it to Saints and Sinners just to have some fun with the title. So, anyway, we knew all these couples and which was really good. We probably had some really good modeling going on there on what good marriages are. But I remember telling one of the ladies that it was kind of our crotchety old lady. Well, I liked her well enough, but she was crotchety.
Vikki:
We loved the husband. You know who I'm talking about. And, I won't say names because their kids could be listening, but they're I think they're both passed away now, which is so sad. And even though I loved her, I remember we were, like, maybe 10 years married, and we were at an event. And I felt like I'd, you know, figured it all out.
Vikki:
I'd figured out how to stay married because we'd been married 10 years and I was having a conversation with her and I said, you know, I know what the key to a long marriage is and that is humor. You've gotta just you gotta just roll with the punches. You gotta laugh. You know, your husband should make you laugh. You should make your husband laugh, and she was so crotchety.
Vikki:
She was like, well, there's way more to marriage than that. Humor is not gonna pay the bills. Humor this you know, this and that. And I was like, woah. Oh, my God.
John:
Well, actually, it does pay the bills because but look at Jerry Seinfeld. I know.
Vikki:
So, yeah, that was a long story.
John:
But Jake Leno.
Vikki:
Amazing to me. And yet the husband was was so sweet and happy. Who knows? Maybe she was going through a bad thing that day or they had a fight prior to coming, but I was shocked.
John:
She was a very serious person.
Vikki:
She was. But what I have to say is at that time at 10 years in, I remember we were struggling with something because marriage is always your learning, growing, all that stuff. And I remember that I think I was getting too serious in the marriage, and I remembered how much fun would I love to I was trying to think of all the things I loved about John when I first married him and hang on to that. And all the things that might have been frustrating, you know, maybe those will wash away. And you made me laugh and life just got lighter.
Vikki:
And instead of me being grouchy or mad, you know, maybe didn't take the trash out or something, we made light of it. And, actually, that's one thing that that coach brought to light again. I've never forgotten about it, but she brought up humor and that we should even when we're fighting, if it's maybe a con a continuation fight. Right? We all have those where where there you go again.
Vikki:
You're doing whatever. Right? You can learn to laugh about it. If you're the one that's, you know, maybe something's been pointed out to you and you've acknowledged, okay. Yeah.
Vikki:
I need to work on that and it's coming out again. It happens again and maybe the spouse points it out. We need to laugh about it. The more you can just, oh, yeah. That's right.
Vikki:
I did that again. Sorry. And why not say sorry isn't is another thing too. I think, not enough sorry is just that. But humor is key, and I know you probably have a lot to say about that because you're you're the funny one.
John:
I think you said it.
Vikki:
I know it went forever. But you are funny now.
John:
But if you think about it too, like, if you we've been in arguments where something funny has happened, and we it just you can't be mad at that point. Yeah. It's like the the madness is gone.
Vikki:
Yeah. I I was trying to think of something that's happened recently. Can you think of anything where we laughed it off and I was so proud of us? Like, I was super proud where we would I think it's probably me because John is a good joker. Like, we were just with your mom and and you made her laugh and, you know, they he and his mom, she's 90 years old, by the way.
Vikki:
Gonna be 91, April 15th. But she, I just loved your banter. They were, like, teasing each other and laughing and, but so I think I tend to get my feelings hurt or what have you instead of joining in and laughing, but especially lately on things that I know that I do. Like, how about how many times I kick a furniture and I stub my toe and I'm like, blah, or whatever. At least I can laugh about it.
Vikki:
Right? But then there's other things where we're actually in a disagreement and maybe a cabinet door is left open or something. Right? I'm trying to laugh about it or make a joke instead of getting defensive is what I'm trying to spit out. Because I think a lot of times, agreements just keep going, you know, get worse and worse and you start fighting because everybody wants to hold their ground instead of maybe laugh about it.
Vikki:
Oh, yeah. I did that again. Sorry. I know I'm working on it. It doesn't seem like it.
Vikki:
Yeah. So humor humor is big and and good and funny movies too. If you're not movie people, we're like big funny movie people. So it's time to put on a good funny movie and laugh it out too. Yeah.
Vikki:
I think we have so many favorites. We were just talking about Mike Myers. We wish he would make some more. Like, what happened to him? And, who else is some of our favorites?
John:
That whole that whole conversation about Mike Myers the other night was, was brought up because John Uh-huh. Was saying we John and I had a quote that we we know we have all these movie quotes. And if you if you all know us, it's John, Misa, and myself. The 3 of us do a lot of movie quotes. Vic, you don't really do a whole bunch of them.
Vikki:
I know. I I think I don't. And they'll they love to quiz me on because they the 3 of them know all the quotes. So now it's become a game. Like, ask mom if she knows what movie it's from.
Vikki:
So you guys constantly and I can get mad about it, but I just laugh about it because sometimes I get them. Yeah. But the thing was okay. If I could say something, I just like, I had a thought about this and now I get I have a platform I can say. You guys, I would usually be in the kitchen cooking dinner or lunch when they're watching the Grinch for the 25th time or something.
Vikki:
So, of course, they are really getting it. You know? I don't know other mom I don't know if anyone else other moms out there. I didn't get to listen to all the movies as many times as they did because dad was out there watching them.
John:
And if you were out there with us, you'd be sleeping.
Vikki:
Yeah. That's true too. So in my defense, I probably just wasn't hearing him, but I know a lot of them. I do know
John:
a lot of them. You do.
Vikki:
Yeah. The Shagadelic. Why can I never remember the title? All those.
John:
Well, there's Austin Powers International Man of Mystery.
Vikki:
All those. Yeah. Those are so much fun. And we do like Jim Carrey. I know some people think he's an over actor and all that, but we and he is.
Vikki:
He can be, but we love him. He's just so talented. Yeah. So anyway but, humor is amazing. Okay.
Vikki:
Let's jump to, we're gonna have the lightning round in just a second. We'll keep that. But let's go to this one, the biggest lesson.
John:
Okay.
Vikki:
Or there's the financial one. I I don't know if we wanna tackle financial stresses.
John:
So they're gonna be there. Right? Yeah.
Vikki:
They're I think we should do a whole pretty
John:
much all your life.
Vikki:
Yeah. That is true. And that's when you need to be a team. Like, there shouldn't be blaming. If you brought debt into the marriage before you're married, okay.
Vikki:
The spouse needs to know. Okay. That now that's my debt and not fight about it Mhmm. And not constantly bring it up. That's one thing I would say.
Vikki:
You know, that we don't do, but we've seen others do. Where, well, you brought this into the marriage. Right?
John:
Yeah. I knew someone who got married, and his new bride didn't tell him that she had tens and tens and tens of 1,000 of dollars in debt of debt. And then after he got married, he realized it. And it's like, well, what are you gonna do now? But, you know, you gotta just deal with it and get through it and it it is what it is, but
Vikki:
Yeah. And that's back to communication. Why did you not tell him? Right? But yeah.
Vikki:
So financial financial is always going to be a stressor, but that's where dig the well comes in. If you're struggling, that's where we were. Right? If you're struggling financially, dig the well before you need the water. Yeah.
Vikki:
Or when you're starting to sense that, oh my gosh, we need the water. We need more income. Start another business. Add an additional income stream that we've talked about throughout this podcast. That's why we created this.
Vikki:
The people that sit and wallow in their suffering finances, that's not helping you. You gotta take action. Do something about it. So so that's that. When
John:
you get a setback in life, it's not the end of the world. Right? Money is just money. You can anybody you can make money. So I know people that have had a big financial setback, then it ruins their marriage, and it ruins everything.
John:
It just kind of ruins their life. Now I know other people who have lost everything, and they they just work harder. They just and they work as a team, husband and wife, and they stay together and it makes them stronger and they just make their money back again.
Vikki:
Yeah. Find a way. Right? We almost named the podcast Find a Way. That's our motto.
John:
Find a way. Winners find a way. Yeah. You'll Fighters find a way.
Vikki:
You'll find a way ethically to make more money. Right.
John:
We're not saying kettle kettle dope on the surface.
Vikki:
Exactly. But there are great business opportunities out there. You're just not being open, if I can be totally frank. You know? You need to be open and you needed to say yes and decide and take action.
John:
Yeah. Right.
Vikki:
That's all there is
John:
to it. Yeah.
Vikki:
Okay. Action. Yeah. And then the biggest lesson we've learned after these 36 years, what do you think it is? Gosh, we've talked about so much today.
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
I think that was a lot of our biggest lessons. Is there one that stands out the most?
John:
I don't know.
Vikki:
I know. See we didn't plan this ahead. Well, you know what? Tag on to that is what do you wish you had known Yeah. Before you got married?
Vikki:
So I've got one for that. Do you have one for that?
John:
Well, listen. Mine says what what you wish you'd known earlier in your marriage is not before.
Vikki:
Well, I I'm reading it before I got married, but but really it could go both. I'm ready for mine. Do you know what yours is? Okay. I'm not really.
Vikki:
It is and this is a shameless plug, but, I wrote the book Police Wipes Survival Guide and it became a number one bestseller internationally and, yes, that's the life beauty. Both. Yeah. Nationwide, US, and international. So you can get this on Amazon.
Vikki:
It's only 6.99. Throwing it around. It's only 6.99 and it is my nuggets on marriage. And it's not just for police wives, it's for all wives. I've been told by so many people that have bought it for somebody else as a gift and they're like, man, this was for me.
Vikki:
I you know, and I'm not anywhere in law enforcement or military. So but what I think women if I could give women one tip, that is don't lose your girlfriend's squad, tribe, whatever you wanna call it. I made that mistake of thinking because I put John first. You know? We talked about God, John, the kids, and then friends and family, but there's something to be said that, women talk a lot.
Vikki:
That's one of the things. And men don't need to hear all our talking, and they get talked out. I was in John nodding his head. And so you need your girlfriends just for that alone to bounce ideas off of your girlfriends or just to chat about the silly things that we love to chat about. That husbands, they don't they want the baby, not the what
John:
he says.
Vikki:
The labor pains. They they want just tell them the bullet points. Right? Not, the whole dissertation. So if that's that's my one thing that don't lose your girlfriend squad.
Vikki:
Go out to dinner with them. Don't think you're being selfish and you're taking time away from your husband or the kids. Because guess what? If he's working, he's got his guy squad most likely, and he's doing things and talking to them. So, you're not you actually it's helping your marriage.
Vikki:
I I tell you that. Because remember, I remember you telling me, Vic because John was my everything. He'd come home, and I wanna know all about his day. And I I hadn't talked to anybody else but the kids all day. So he was my one human contact.
Vikki:
And I think I drove him nuts. And at one point, he's like, Vic, you need to get a hobby. And you didn't mean it in a bad way, but you didn't know to say, hey. What about going out with your girlfriends to talk about all this stuff? Right?
Vikki:
Yeah. So anyway so that's my one big thing that I wish I'd known, and I'm telling all of the ladies don't don't lose your girlfriends and keep going out with them. What about you?
John:
I don't know. I'm I've been thinking about that. I was listening to what you're saying to those. Yeah. I really wasn't thinking about my answer.
Vikki:
Oh, I'm sorry.
John:
No. I'm not really know.
Vikki:
Yeah. See? Going on. Men are simple. Like, you don't need a lot of things.
Vikki:
We need we need all these different outlets, us ladies. What about your man cave? That's only been lately. Like, you've really had fun with your man cave. Not fun, but you know what I mean?
Vikki:
Having your cigars outside because we don't want smoking in the house. I like cigars, by the way. But
John:
Yeah. That that mostly started with, Kuma.
Vikki:
Oh, yeah. Our dog.
John:
Yeah. So we had a an Akita, just this giant bear of a dog, and he loved to be in the front yard. That was his thing. And from the moment he woke up in the morning until late at night, and he would stand at the door to go outside. So I let him out through the garage and I put him like on a really long lead.
John:
I may have even said this before in one of our other pockets.
Vikki:
I'm not sure. That's okay.
John:
It was like maybe a, I don't know. It was probably a good 20 foot lead, made out of paracord, so it wouldn't tangle so much. And it was pretty strong. And I'd hook that up and he had the run-in the driveway, scared everybody away. Like, the delivery people wouldn't deliver.
John:
Because they thought they actually looked kinda like a wolf, and they thought he was a wolf. And I'm thinking you can't really have wolves. Yeah. They would either throw the package on the on the front by kinda toss it to us, or some of them just left it out, not even in the mailbox, but just on the street.
Vikki:
That's funny.
John:
I think they were running away because all of a sudden they see him and they don't see the little thin paracord.
Vikki:
Yeah.
John:
So they don't think he's tied up.
Vikki:
That's funny.
John:
And I he just looked mean. But anyways, that was why I would go hang out there. So I put a TV in the garage. And so I would just hang out with him and just do my work. I just bring my I have a my own little workstation out there.
John:
Yeah. You know? And so I bring my laptop out there and I get a lot a lot of the stuff I have to do on the computer. I get done out there, have a cigar. Yeah.
John:
I have a bourbon or 2 or maybe a
Vikki:
And I have to say your man cave and hell has helped me because I can watch chick flicks inside the house. Like, I'm doing menial, not menial, but computer work sometimes. And, and I have a chick flick on, and I'm not at John in my ear, like, do we have to watch? Can we change the channel or whatever? So we have our space, in other words.
Vikki:
Yeah. So that's pretty awesome. I like that. I like and then we do come together at night. We, you know, talk and all that stuff.
Vikki:
Yeah. After after Yeah.
John:
But that's a good point that you you had brought up. And I think that would probably be if I really thought about that that answer to that question without hearing yours, I probably would have come up with the same one.
Vikki:
That's cool.
John:
Because I do think that it's important that you still have your, separate time, your wait time, and you don't lose touch with your friends and the other people that you you knew and had close relationships before you got married. Mhmm. Keep those.
Vikki:
Yes. Definitely.
John:
Because those people are still important to you, and they should be. Yeah. And they're gonna be important for your relationship with your spouse because they help keep you they keep the the ship, kinda centered and and kind of, keep it right. Yeah. Keep everything going.
Vikki:
Exactly. Exactly. Alright. Now to the lightning round. Alright.
John:
So
Vikki:
and then we will round it off out. This has been fun. If you wanna know how to stay married 36 years, share this with somebody and beyond. One thing we didn't say really quick was there was no backdoor. When we got married, when we chose to get married, we said this is it.
Vikki:
There's no way out. You know, we had that mindset. I think that's important to state too.
John:
Burn the boats?
Vikki:
Yeah. Exactly. We set all the boats on fire. Yep. We only have our one boat.
Vikki:
Alright. So we're gonna try it. We're gonna try this and ask the question and say it at the same time together so we're not influencing each other. I thought we were.
John:
No. I don't think we can do that.
Vikki:
Okay. I
John:
don't think it's gonna work.
Vikki:
Well, okay. Well, say I'm near each other. Who said I love you first? I think you did. I I think I was waiting for you to say it because It
John:
might have been. Because I
Vikki:
think we're taught that the the guy should say it. Yeah.
John:
I'm not saying.
Vikki:
I don't know.
John:
Yeah. Because it it just seemed right from the very beginning anyhow. So yeah. Especially when you attack me on our first date over by the swings up. I did not.
John:
Whatever.
Vikki:
That's a whole another thing. He, John says I attacked him. I did not.
John:
If that security guy was paying attention, we would've been kicked out. Anyway
Vikki:
okay. Okay.
John:
What's your spouse's most annoying habit? Right there.
Vikki:
I know.
John:
It's right there.
Vikki:
Oh, the way I looked at you?
John:
No. You you have your mouth open.
Vikki:
Is that annoying? I don't know.
John:
It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not cool, but you told me to remind you.
Vikki:
I do have an annoying one, and you probably know when I say it. He picks his cuticles. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, I wanna put cuticle stuff on him, but
John:
I'm sure I have him. Let me do that. And you don't say anything and you just put something on me?
Vikki:
I usually just hold your hand if we're with people. What, but I have to have an annoying one. Don't say an embarrassing thing, please.
John:
Yeah. I can't really think of any. It's like
Vikki:
I'm sure I do.
John:
Habitually annoying.
Vikki:
What are you objecting? That's annoying to you. Maybe it's worse than annoying now.
John:
A lot less lately, though.
Vikki:
I'm trying.
John:
I think you've worked on that.
Vikki:
I'm trying.
John:
Yeah. Yeah.
Vikki:
Okay. What's your favorite thing that you do that makes
John:
That they do that makes
Vikki:
you feel loved. This is not a lightning round. We're going so slow. What's your what's your favorite thing you do that makes you feel loved? Oh, that they do.
John:
So I think it's a little cute little, like, little notes and little things. I like she put my name on the top of this page. That was my and the little hearts next
Vikki:
to it. Yay. I was hoping you were gonna like that. That's cute. I'm glad you noticed.
Vikki:
And then, when John, like, it's funny, washes the dishes or does something that I would normally do to make my life easier, so I guess that's acts of service, but that always makes me feel so loved. And it's funny. I just saw a reel on Instagram about that that that was foreplay to the wife. Like, the husband was put in the dish. Okay.
Vikki:
Who's more likely to apologize first? Oh, we know the answer to this after a fight. It's always me. I don't think John real you really don't say the word sorry. It's like maybe once or twice.
Vikki:
I think that's a guy thing. I think guys don't say they're sorry. Right? I think so. I've talked to other wives about it.
Vikki:
I
John:
recall saying it a whole lot.
Vikki:
So Yeah. And you know, apologies do go a long way. So I try to. So yeah. Anyway
John:
I'll make note of that.
Vikki:
Yeah. Thank you. Do you wanna say the next one?
John:
What's one what's one thing they do that always makes you laugh?
Vikki:
Something you tickle me. That always makes me laugh. I get mad sometimes, but there's probably lots of other thing. You always make me laugh. What about me?
Vikki:
Why do I make you laugh?
John:
When you when you spill or so Oh, no. Because this thing where she can't finish a drink. Whatever it is. Like, if it's in a can, in a bottle, in a glass, in a cup, whatever it is, it has just a little bit left in it.
Vikki:
And my reason is I wanna have more I don't wanna ever run out.
John:
But it's not enough to, like, quench your thirst. It's it's a tiny little sip. It's just enough to make a mess, and then it's always being knocked over.
Vikki:
Yeah. But that makes you laugh.
John:
It does. It's funny to me.
Vikki:
Oh, okay.
John:
Like, when you took that nose dive over here when when you I chose to have your
Vikki:
food stand.
John:
We we have this little podcast video thing set up. Right? So there's some cords. I mean, this none of this is cordless. Like, even our headphones have a cord.
John:
And I guess her foot got hooked up on it. Yeah.
Vikki:
It was the other day.
John:
I'm sitting in the living room. Right? I'm on the computer doing something, and I hear this on the ground. I just so I turn around. I look, and there she is, red eagle, like, face down on the ground and coffee.
John:
A little bit of coffee was in it.
Vikki:
There was just a lot of coffee.
John:
There had I guess there was. But there it couldn't have been an empty mug. Right? So that went everywhere.
Vikki:
It went everywhere.
John:
It was kinda funny though. That did make me laugh.
Vikki:
John does laugh at people who trip. I think that's a, like, a character trait. You laugh at your mom. You laugh at friends that trip and fall. It's a thing.
Vikki:
I don't. I think that's but I don't, you
John:
know Like that guy that that goofball at UCLA, we were walking through, the campus. And I don't know. I think the guy was doing was trying to do some sort of parkour move on there's some steps next to a building. It's a brick building. And there's a there's a a hand, you know, a handrail.
John:
I don't know what the hell he was doing, but he went past us. And I think it was Misa and I. Probably. And you. I don't think John will I
Vikki:
don't think he did. I always feel bad.
John:
This guy's body went flying past us, and he just hit the deck and flopped over and flopped over, and he was just laying there because I think it kinda hurt, knocked the wind out of him. Misa and I burst out laughing, and so did other other students that were there that could see this.
Vikki:
I would wanna rush to his aid.
John:
I'll rush to If I really thought he was hurt. Yeah. Right. But he wasn't hurt. He got to dust himself off.
Vikki:
I can't laugh at people. That's where we're totally different. It's funny, but, okay. If they had a free day, how would they spend it? So if we had a free oh, how would you spend it?
Vikki:
I think you would just hang out with Kuma if Kuma is still alive. Hang out with Kuma and smoke a cigar on your free day.
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
Just relax. How do you think I would?
John:
How would you do it? Well, I know that the grandkids are on their way. I think you're you would spend the whole day with them.
Vikki:
By the time this airs, we should be grandparents for the first time.
John:
It could be happening right
Vikki:
now. Right now. Yeah. John and Allison are having their baby girl. So yeah.
Vikki:
That's true. That's what it'll be hanging out.
John:
Yeah. Order's coming in right out.
Vikki:
Yeah. Six It hasn't been announced yet, but hopefully by this it will be. Yeah.
John:
It's supposed to be. Well, they can cut that out. Yeah.
Vikki:
No. It's okay. No. It's okay. Okay.
Vikki:
What's their go to guilty pleasure snack? Oh, what is you have a bunch.
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
Well, it also depends on what I buy. Sean's been having a lot of hummus and chips lately because I bought a bunch of hummus. It doesn't you're right. That's not guilty. Do you like macadamia nut chocolate?
John:
Like Reese's.
Vikki:
Oh, yeah. That's good. But that's for you?
John:
That's for me. Yeah.
Vikki:
That would probably be mine too. I love Reese's.
John:
Yeah. They don't let the package of Reese's doesn't last long in this house. Yeah.
Vikki:
And if it's I try not to eat John's, but every once in a while, I've been known to. You know, I'm tough
John:
once in a while.
Vikki:
He knows that.
John:
Come on. Just be honest there.
Vikki:
What's the most memorable date you've ever been on together? Oh, gosh. What would that be? We've had It
John:
would be the it would have to be the oh, no. There's a bunch.
Vikki:
There's so many. But you're right. I think that first one
John:
First one.
Vikki:
We'll have to tell we'll have to do an episode on that because it's funny.
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
Yeah. We went to, Sizzler back in the day because we're broke college students. That was dinner with on a blind date with another couple.
John:
We we don't wanna get in the whole story. Yeah.
Vikki:
She did it
John:
on the lametime.
Vikki:
Do it. Save that. Oh, and then it gets better.
John:
Yeah. Yeah. It gets better than the Sizzler. Try try and picture that. That's right.
Vikki:
And then
John:
If you could describe them in one word, what would it be? You would be, like, loyal, I think.
Vikki:
I am super loyal. I think you're loyal too. But what's your one word? Dedicated, which is similar to loyal. No excuses.
Vikki:
You're no excuses. That's more than one word, though, kinda person.
John:
Don't hyphenate it.
Vikki:
Don't you think? You're like, find a way. No excuses. Get it done. Figure it out.
Vikki:
That's all you're I think. Yeah. That's a compliment. Yeah.
John:
And then lastly.
Vikki:
What's the worst habit when it comes to running the business? And we were gonna make this light. What is the worst habit?
John:
I complain about, having to get up and do something about a lot of things, like fix on, we gotta do the podcast. I'm like, oh my gosh. Not the podcast again. Right? Yeah.
John:
I should stop doing that because it's not really that it's not a big chore.
Vikki:
And actually we're having fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.
Vikki:
Yeah. And then what else?
John:
It's like everything has to do with with business. I always that's that's I don't know why I'm I react that way a lot of not with everything, but a lot of things.
Vikki:
I know. And then you're really good at it when you do it, and then it doesn't even seem like you're upset about doing it. It is funny that yeah. That is kind of funny. My worst habit.
Vikki:
I tend to hyper focus and focus on the business too much. I've been told that even by our kids. So, so I've been trying to, like, I I talked about not there you know, there's is no such thing as true balance because there's ebbs and flows on a previous podcast, but I do need to get better at hyper focusing too much. Like, I'll keep going like a dog on a bone. It's a good quality, but, you know, sometimes you gotta, like, back off a little bit.
Vikki:
So
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
Well, we hope you had a great time with us today. If some of you are married now and you are hitting some rocky points, hopefully, something we said, you know, resonated and will help you. If you're happily married and maybe this is just fun for you because you realize, gosh, that's they're like us. We got this. Good for you if you're thinking about getting married.
Vikki:
Don't
John:
I'm kidding.
Vikki:
See the humor. The humor. It's there. It's always there. But seriously, we hope some of the advice we gave will help you in choosing your mate and deciding to get married and knowing that it can last.
John:
Yeah.
Vikki:
It can last. Alright. Love you all. Thanks for being on. See you on the next one.
Vikki:
Bye. Thanks for joining us on Dig the Well.
John:
We hope you feel empowered and ready to take on new challenges. Remember,
Vikki:
if we can do it, so can you. Keep learning, keep believing, and going after your dreams.
John:
And if you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone who needs a little inspiration or maybe a nudge in the right direction.
Vikki:
Help us grow this community of go getters. Together, we can achieve greatness and get back to family.
John:
Thanks for listening, and let's keep digging the way.