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For more than a quarter of a century, GIRES (the Gender Identity Research & Education Society) has been putting trans rights ‘on the agenda’. GIRES was established in 1997 when Bernard Reed, OBE, and his wife Terry Reed, OBE, helped their transgender daughter Niki win a landmark sex discrimination case. The charity has been instrumental in several positive changes to trans and gender-diverse rights in the UK and beyond.
The ‘A Legacy of Kindness’ project documents and showcases the rich history of GIRES,
uncovering the memories through generations of past, present, and new members, trans activists and pioneers, who helped to establish and shape the charity.
This podcast series of oral histories is part of the exhibition: GIRES, a Legacy of Kindness, a project supported by The National Lottery Heritage Fund. It is compiled from oral histories and produced as part of a digital exhibition exploring the rich history of the UK’s trans and gender-diverse GIRES, the Gender Identity Research & Education Society. It was produced by Lucia Scazzocchio with sound design and music by Samuel Robinson. The Community Curator sub-team was led by Georgia Marker.
For more information and other resources visit: https://lok.gires.org.uk
Episode 5: A Legacy of Kindness
When asked what the legacy of the charity was, co-founder Terry Reed responded that she hoped the legacy was one of kindness. Terry sadly passed away in 2021, but her memory lives on in the connections formed throughout her decades of activism. Bernard Reed remains involved as a trustee with GIRES, watching the charity evolve. Throughout the interviews, compassion, community, and care consistently shone through. This episode aims to capture this atmosphere: that legacy of kindness.
Camilla Thrush
My relationship with the Reeds was a personal one, and my relationship with Niki was a personal one. Niki had a complicated hard life because of what happened to her with her work, let's be honest, it was more the work than anything else that caused the issues for Niki. So I knew about the tribunal. I know more about it now than I knew at the time. But what I saw was the change of Terry and Bernard's focus. So when I knew Terry and Bernard, Bernard worked in the city, Terry was a magistrate, she was on the fostering and adoption committee for Surrey, she worked for Samaritans, she was a trained physio, that's how I knew them. And then obviously, as things changed with Niki, that's when their focus changed, and, obviously, what they did changed.
Terry Reed OBE
If it hadn't been for her, I don't know whether we'd have taken any particular interest in this field, one would have not had a particular reason to. And certainly, it absolutely revolves around the fact that she had this particular difficulty. At the same time, even though it was awful for her in so many ways, it is also a gift because, although that particular gift can generate so much hatred and hostility it's unbelievable, it can also generate what's good in human beings and how they can move beyond the typical and the ordinary and the everyday acceptance, which is conformity. You can move beyond that. So it is both a challenge, but also a gift.
Professor Dick Swaab
Terry was a very strong woman standing firmly for what she believed was important. And she brought it in a very beautiful English, very pleasant way. But there was no doubt possible in the discussion with Terry. She has done a lot of good in this discussion.
Alice Ramsay
Knowing Terry as an individual as well as a professional contact, throughout that time, I've had various changes in my own family life. Terry was always very interested and very keen to sort of know how I was doing and how my life was. And so as sort of committed and dedicated as she was to her work, she was also a very friendly, very approachable, very empathetic person. And I hope that she enjoyed our conversations in the same way that I did.
Simona Giordano
They've been extremely welcoming with me, because when I met them I was pregnant, but I was having my son on my own. And therefore, you know in England, work is seen as something where you don't bring your children necessarily, and they've always made space for me and my buggy. There was never an invitation that was just for me, it was always me and my son. You know, that sense of humanness, compassion and understanding, and embracing who you are without making much of a fuss about it, but actually, with a smile, has been refreshing and has been encouraging for me. So it's been another reason why I continue to attend those events rather than others.
Amelia Lee
Us in the LGBT+ community have got a variety of different relationships with biological parents, and sometimes those have been strained because of our identities. I think there's something about meeting parents who are there, they're present, they are showing up for their kids. Every day of what they do is about trying to do right by the identity of their child, and that just felt really validating, and nice. So they did for me feel a bit like parental figures.
Lynda
When it comes to Bernard and Terry, I think they're more like parents than, well, they're too young to be my grandparents but they are more parently than probably my own parents were. They've got a very nurturing mentality to them and what have you, and always there, almost for a shoulder to cry on.
Jenny-Anne Bishop OBE
We did invite Bernard and Terry to our wedding. And they came both to the church where we got married, which was in Manchester, our LGBT church, and then we ask them to our reception in Llandudno in North Wales, and they came along to that too. And of course that bonded us even more firmly.
Susie Green
Bernard and Terry and I fought together against the protocol of the time, which said that young people couldn't have any kind of medical intervention until they were 16. And they supported me in terms of conferences, and they supported me in terms of conversations with the Tavistock, both from a Mermaids perspective, but also from a personal perspective. So, yeah, we became friends. I've had dinner many times with them as a couple, I've stayed at their house. I found them to be incredibly warm, supportive and so kind, so kind.
Cat Burton
We were at a conference in central London. It was chaired by Baroness Barker, Liz Barker, and Liz was chairing this conference with the proverbial gavel of iron. And that was because there was a strong presence from transphobic elements. I sat in the front row, and who should sit down next to me but the two representatives of this transphobic organization. Liz Barker laid down the ground rules very strongly that we weren't here to debate whether or not trans people were valid. We were talking about trans futures in this conference. And who should sit down on this side of me, but Bernard and Terry. Throughout the entire proceedings, these two were touching and making it obvious that they felt uncomfortable just sitting next to a transgender woman. And at one point, Terry reached out and just took my hand and gave it a little squeeze. And it brought tears to my eyes to know that I got such a loving, supportive, well, they've just made so much of a difference, not just through GIRES, but in every interaction they've ever had with the transgender community. Bernard and Terry left that legacy of kindness.
Terry Reed
GIRES could not have happened without Bernard's leadership and constant input, throughout the years. It was such an enormous burden, but one that I think both he and I have been proud to carry. And now that our trans daughter has died, we still want to, as far as we can, go on supporting people who are different, no matter what or why they're different and try and help to build this a society where we don't look for conformity everywhere. We shouldn't all have to conform, conform to polite behavior. As to who you are, that's something that must come from within and must be respected.
Pips Bunce
Most of the interactions were directly with Bernard and Terry, whether that was emails or whether that was phone calls, conferences. I have so much admiration for what they were doing, because I know it was always so hard for them to fit in everything, and they was always being pulled in a million different directions, but I think most of the involvement was directly which the both of them.
Camilla Thrush
Going down to Trans Pride, I loved it, and I went with them. And what I saw was the respect that people had for them. Because, yeah, you could see that even though they were having a hard time with other people, the people that mattered respected them, and you could see it every time we went to Trans Pride down in Brighton.
Hannah Graf MBE
It started off as meeting them at these Mermaids residentials. And then we'd received a lovely message from Bernard saying that they would be honoured to meet us for dinner one evening, and you know, we thought, well, that's a nice thing, you know, it's not something that, you know, we've done a lot of, you know, there was a generational gap between us and Bernard and Terry, but they were such lovely people that we accepted, and they took us for dinner somewhere in central London. They were just lovely people, and they had lots of stories of their own, but also they really wanted to hear from us and wanted to hear about our lives and our journeys. And it was just such a nice experience. And so I think we chatted for about an hour and a half then quite a long dinner and they very graciously paid for dinner. After that we started seeing them more regularly. Bernard now has become a real integral part of our lives. Obviously, the sad passing of Terry was so tragic and the way she just kept on going, the way she focused on everyone else up until the very end, she was still up at the computer answering emails to trans people in prison or through to new people, families who just connected through the website, whatever it was, and fighting for trans people’s right to the very end. So, Terry's sorely missed, but still very lucky to have Bernard in our lives.
Lynda
I couldn't think of two better people to have set the organisation up than Bernard and Terry.
Jayne Ozanne
I think the trans community have been so blessed by them both and we've lost such an extraordinary woman. But Bernard is still powering on and I'm so grateful to him for what he does, too.
Zoe Johannes
The fact that they continue to do this work, you know, many years after what happened with their daughter and into their old age and people who are my age or, you know, much younger than them who really have formed meaningful personal relationships with them and see them as sort of family members, that was really apparent to me.
Octavian Starr
You titled this project A Legacy of Kindness. It just works so perfectly. If I was going to describe them both, but especially Terry, I think the first word that comes to mind is kind. When everybody would have asked me about them. You know, GIRES is sort of this elusive thing and nobody really understands who Bernard and Terry are, and there's been a lot of misconceptions about them and why they started GIRES in the wider trans community for quite a long time. And the first thing I'd always say is, they're so kind, and they’re so genuine. I don't think I've met any cisgender, heterosexual people that were as selfless towards the trans community as these two people have been for pretty much my entire life.
This podcast series of oral histories is part of the exhibition: GIRES, a Legacy of Kindness, a project made possible with The National Lottery Heritage Fund, thanks to National Lottery players.
It was produced by Lucia Scazzocchio from Social Broadcasts with sound design and original music by Samuel Robinson and narrated by Coran Foddering. The Community Curator sub-team was led by Georgia Marker. With special thanks to all the contributors who agreed to share their stories.
For more information about what you’ve just heard, do visit the project website, lok.gires.org.uk.