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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Hey guys, we have a bunch of emails to read, so here we go. This one is from Kathy. Kathy says, I just discovered your podcast about a month ago, and I'm very excited to have it. I've only listened to two or three episodes, but I've enjoyed them. The funniest thing happened this past Monday.
Speaker 1:My husband accompanied me to a dental appointment, ugh, where I was getting a temporary crown put on, and my husband took off work that day to support me. He decided to listen to your podcast for the very first time, and ironically, you shared about your dentist fiasco. That is funny. I believe that it might help both me and my husband for him to educate himself more and to hear from another survivor what it's like to try and heal from PTSD and DID. Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:And then she shares more about her family. Oh, she went to the trauma conference in Seattle. And while she was there, she learned about the Orlando AIM conference, the Healing Together conference that we went to last January, I think. So she was there too. So that's funny because we were there, but missed her.
Speaker 1:Sorry, guys. We missed you there. We were there also. Well oh, I forgot. We didn't really leave our hotel room.
Speaker 1:So we kinda missed everybody. Oh, interesting. She says when I worked at one residential facility, we used the term clients. But when I worked with individuals who were involved in the sex industry or traffic survivors, we were told not to use the term client because it had negative connotation. Instead, we called the people we served women or ladies.
Speaker 1:When I worked in a jail setting, we used the term detainees or women or ladies to describe who we were trying to help. So it's interesting because you can always use different words, and clients can be triggering for some. But in others, a lot of people, that's what they actually request. And even with trafficking backgrounds, a lot of people, just because they have a trafficking background doesn't mean that they used words like clients at all. And so it really depends on the specific person and what they prefer.
Speaker 1:And I know Peter Barrish and I have talked about this a lot on the podcast before about what to call survivors and how to reference them. And mostly, they're just people. Right? And so I love that. You have to be careful about gendering things because people have preferences about that too and how they present and how they identify.
Speaker 1:And so it really kind of makes it a landmine of just how to address it or how to talk about it. But definitely, depending on the environment, and the important thing is not making assumptions because it's so specific to the individual person. Right? She says, I feel in some ways like I met myself on steroids. You've clearly done a lot of research, advocacy, and outreach.
Speaker 1:I hope you continue your podcast, and I'm imagining that your following is growing. How did I not know about you sooner? Oh, Kathy, I'm so glad you found it. I'm so glad you found it. Mindy says, I just wanna thank you, Sasha, and the system for putting this podcast together.
Speaker 1:I was just given a reference to your podcast, and I'm so thankful for this blessing. I have only read your introduction and listened to the first podcast, and I'm relieved to have found your story. Because of my situation, I have an idea of how incredibly brave and altruistic you are in doing this podcast. I cannot thank you enough, Mindy. Well, thanks for the encouragement, Mindy.
Speaker 1:Oh, one of the Julie's that is the one who sent me the spoons in the mail, She wrote again and said, I once lived in a house built in 1892, and it has been remodeled through the years. And we were in the process of a light remodel ourselves when I removed an old vent and found tucked away and dropped variously inside it were these old spoons, about 12 or so, all silver, but of different designs and companies. I do often wonder how they came to be there. They were all dented, scratched, and spotted with several colors of paint from the decades, and yet beautiful nonetheless. And again, so when you feel out of spoons, may this one stir the courage and strength and wisdom inside you to keep on the way you have nourished and continued to nourish the courage and strength and wisdom in many thousands of survivors and those who wish to help them.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so amazing. That was very kind of you. Sarah says, I enjoyed your podcast on online groups and setting boundaries. Having been a lurker in many online groups for years, I have not found one that I would consider healthy. I view recovery from DID much like recovery from addiction.
Speaker 1:Dissociation is a coping skill that I'm addicted to using much like others use drugs or alcohol. The intent is the same, not to feel. I also view recovery groups for DID in the same way as addiction recovery groups. In addiction recovery, you have to take responsibility for your behavior, and you have to give up or step away from relationships with active addicts. You surround yourself with others committed to the same goal.
Speaker 1:In addiction recovery groups, you see that recovery is possible and you gain confidence that you can too. In addiction recovery, you are not viewed as weak or powerless and encouraged to take control. In addiction recovery groups you build relationships with people who have recovered who serves as a guide or coach along the way. Sadly, most DID online groups are the opposite. Most online DID groups are not are not focused on recovery.
Speaker 1:They are focused on and encourage DID drama. I have been observing the online groups for years, and the same people are still spinning their wheels having the same problems over and over again. There is no talk that recovery is possible. Most with DID in online groups aren't taking personal responsibility and aren't encouraged to. Lots of complaints about and negativity towards therapists When I was first diagnosed and looking at the online communities I kept asking my therapist Where are the people who recover?
Speaker 1:I want to learn from them My hunch is people who recover are not deeply involved in the online groups for DID because they are not healthy places. I know for my own recovery, I've had to set boundaries and step away from online group and step away from online groups. Growth doesn't happen there. Wow. That's just poignant and obviously a a specific perspective there.
Speaker 1:And I am glad that you have found what works for you. And that comparison to addiction recovery groups is fascinating, and I'm gonna have to think about that some more. Thank you for sharing, Sarah. This email is from Taylor. Taylor says, my name is Taylor.
Speaker 1:I hope that doesn't give you a bad feeling because I know you have the Taylors in your system. I've been listening to your podcast and was very upset to hear that conference didn't provide interpreters for you. I am a sign language interpreter myself and was born and raised in Florida. Orlando is a huge hub for interpreters, and there would not have been a problem finding one if the conference had even tried. I know y'all have said it's hard to trust people, but I wanted to offer to be an interpreter if you decide to go back to that conference or need one in the future.
Speaker 1:But my sister lives less than an hour from Orlando, so I could stay with her and meet you all at the conference. Oh, that's fascinating. I can't go this year actually because we have to go back to The Middle East and do some more traveling for this contract that doctor e got doing these trauma trainings. And also because of what happened with the service animals and, like, emotional support animals, which are an amazing thing, I'm not at all arguing against them, but they attacked actually trained and certified, disability animals, and the disability animals got thrown out, which is illegal. And so between seeing that happen and having no interpreters despite multiple requests, that conference is probably just not one I'm gonna do again.
Speaker 1:It was not safe for people with disabilities. And I'm sorry to make, like, such a harsh judgment. It was just a really difficult experience for several, several people. And I don't know that they were responsive. But also, I know there are amazing people going.
Speaker 1:I know there are amazing people presenting. And I know that many of the people involved with putting on the conference are incredible people. So I'm not speaking at all badly about the conference or have any ill feelings towards the conference. It's probably just not gonna be one we are able to do because of disability issues, and it's just that simple. When there's a big room, we can't hear and understand.
Speaker 1:When there are discussions, we can't hear and understand. In the podcast, I'm speaking by myself or I have one guest in a Bluetooth speaker attached to my cochlear implants, and I can do that. But the rest of the time, we still need interpreters. And so it's just a thing. And if they're not able to provide that, it's not accessible.
Speaker 1:And while I appreciate the sentiment from Taylor that which is amazing, by the way, Like, they really need to learn how to handle that appropriately. Now if they would let Taylor have a free registration and attend the conference herself in exchange for also interpreting so that she was appropriately compensated because that is the law, then maybe we would discuss it. So it's an interesting idea, and we can play with it, Taylor. She also says, also for doctor e, I wanted to give you the information about the association of medical professionals with hearing loss. I interpreted for their conference this year in Baltimore and it was incredible.
Speaker 1:It is deaf, hard of hearing medical professionals who share their experience and either give presentations or sit in on them. I noticed that a lot of them this year were on mental health and therapy. So I think it would be something a few of you would enjoy. I hope this is helpful, and have a good week. The podcast is a good thing, and I wish you the best of luck.
Speaker 1:How kind is that? Thank you so much, Taylor. This is from Rachel. Rachel says, hello, everyone. I just wanted to reach out and say that I appreciate all of you sharing your story.
Speaker 1:I especially appreciate Doctor. E's informative episodes. I listen to podcasts at night for my alone time while my kids and husband are sleeping. I found yours through a search for dissociative identity disorder, originally with the intention to learn more about it, but it's become so much more than that. I do not have DID, but I suffer with severe anxiety and other mental health issues.
Speaker 1:And I worry so much every day that I'm not being good enough mom for my kids. Your podcast is helping me so much to understand the way kids' minds work, and somehow I'm becoming a better mom. I'm teaching myself to live in the moment and enjoy my kids, to ask myself if that overwhelmed feeling is them or my anxiety, and act accordingly. I owe your system so much, and I just wanted to tell you how appreciated you are. Thank you so much for what you are doing.
Speaker 1:I just want you all to know that you are so valid, your podcast is reaching many people, and it really does make a difference. Oh, that makes me cry. What an awesome mom are you, Rachel? Good job. Good moms are the best.
Speaker 1:Suzanne says, hi, y'all. I'm just listening to tangents, which is episode one twenty four, and I stopped and paused it just to write you. I do appreciate you telling that it was good and safe to trust your intuition. I went to the groups hoping to hear and have conversations similar to your podcast, which is how I found out about the groups. For a couple of weeks, it felt indulgent to sink into the ick, but my gut said danger because I want to be more than that for all of me.
Speaker 1:I stuck around for a little while longer, even commenting some, but not feeling safe ish. Last week, I deleted my whole Facebook account and decided that my DID connections and open relationships would need to be in real life. After lots of learning and conversation with shared risk peer to peer trying to get healthier and healthier, I signed up to support you. I wish it was more, but I hope every little bit counts. I have six kids, all mostly adults now, and I think you are so brave to live your story for health and share it with us while raising your brave children.
Speaker 1:So thank you. That's all. Aw, Suzanne and all of you all. That was so kind and you're so sweet. And you know what?
Speaker 1:We could not keep doing the podcast if we didn't have the support. And so those of you who donate just $10 or $15 or $20 a month, it's it's such a wonderful thing and it adds up and that's helping to support the podcast and keep it going and pay for the website and the platform that we run the podcast on. And so you guys have kept it on the air, and I'm so, so grateful. Thank you so much. Mindy says, oh, she figured out okay.
Speaker 1:So Mindy figured out what church we go to. Mindy, you're right. That's the church we go to. She says, I'm so thankful for your podcast. I just got my diagnosis this year, and I'm really struggling to figure out how to deal with it and maintain my appearance of being just depressed and anxious.
Speaker 1:Your willingness to share your story has been a gift. I feel like you have given me hope that I won't lose everything if word about the diagnosis got out. Well, at least part of me is seeing that. I just wanted to reach out and tell you thank you and see if you know of any other safe ways for me to connect with others. I'm limited because of my location, and I have to be careful on social media because I'm not ready for anyone that knows me to find out.
Speaker 1:If not, it is okay, but I thought I would ask. Thanks again. Mindy, it's super hard and it's super scary. I have not told anyone at my church about our diagnosis. Church is really triggering for us as well even though it's we absolutely have a strong faith and have worked hard in all sorts of specific ways to develop a faith system for us and to decide what we as a system choose to commit to and agree upon.
Speaker 1:That has been a lot of work, and we are a certified chaplain as well. And so that means working with a lot of other faith systems and denominations and people with no faith and lots of interfaith community work. And so all of those things have exposed us to different things, but it can be really hard. Our father was a music minister in a different church than where we attend now. And so church absolutely has its own triggers, but our best friend goes to a church similar to that.
Speaker 1:And going to church with her has actually been a very healing thing and sort of reclaiming that part of ourself, and it's a beautiful thing. So however you do it, just go slowly and be careful and be wise, but look for what is good and keep the good. Does that make sense? I'm so glad you wrote in, and I'm so glad we've been able to connect a little bit. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Angela says, hi. I enjoy your podcast, and I was doing some catching up today listening to the podcast triggers. You mentioned a workbook that you have been using and how informative it was on triggers. This sounds like something we could use. Are you willing to share the name of the workbook that has been so helpful and informative?
Speaker 1:Your time and efforts are much appreciated. The workbook that we have used for all of 02/2019 was the Kathy Steele, and there's two other authors. I can never remember all of it in the right order, but it's the coping skills for trauma and dissociation workbook. So I hope that helps. Thanks for asking, Angela.
Speaker 1:Jay says, hi. I just wanna say Sasha rocks. Because I don't have anyone to talk to because I'm not allowed to, but I feel not so alone, and I love how Sasha gets an allowance. I ask the adults in our system if I can have one. If I could, I would use it to donate money to you guys.
Speaker 1:Aw. And also I have lots to learn about stuff in our system like Sasha knows already. Oh, and they told me those bugs are pronounced cicadas. Oh, Jay. Thank you.
Speaker 1:I've been needing to know all summer how to say that word. Cicadas. Thank you. Good job, Jay. A thousand points for Jay.
Speaker 1:Kathy writes, I'm so appreciating your October podcast. Thank you for making me laugh. I appreciate your sensitivity around how triggering October is or can be. I appreciate your trigger warnings, which gave me time to check inside myself so I could safely proceed with listening. Thank you for simply explaining the terms.
Speaker 1:I've encountered many different abuses and different kinds. It's helpful to try and break that apart and to give words to that generally. I've had a tough day today, but I stayed busy and effective. I was able to function, and when I hit a low in the day, I was able to put on your podcast on my drive home, and your laughter is contagious. Your laughter made me laugh, and that made the thirty five minute car ride so much better.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm so glad. She says, I feel less alone many days when I put on your podcast. Most of all, I appreciate your laugh. I'm always in trouble for the laugh, but it's not something I can fix, you guys. It just is.
Speaker 1:You could do a podcast about the importance of laughing. Who makes you laugh? My trauma therapist actually has a good sense of humor even when we are talking about difficult subject matter. Don't get me wrong, it's important to be serious when that is called for, but it's also okay to laugh, which lightens up the moment and feels so good in the body. I don't know what I'm going to do this holiday, but I could order a pizza and watch a movie with the basement with the lights off so I don't have to encounter children in costumes.
Speaker 1:My kids make me laugh and sometimes my friends make me laugh. I do have a lot of trauma memories from the past, but I'm working really hard to create positive experiences in the present. It takes effort to do that. Good for you. Good for you, Kathy.
Speaker 1:I hear you say it is hard to continue doing the podcast, and it's hard to stay connected. Please don't stop doing it. I feel like I need you. You are helping so many people with your podcast. Maybe pace yourself with the podcast.
Speaker 1:It's okay to take a break when you need it and come back when you're ready. And I loved how you laughed and said it couldn't any work. Could it get any worse? Yes, it can. That helped me change my perspective with today.
Speaker 1:It was hard, but it could have been much, much worse. And so when I realized that today wasn't so bad, I got through it skillfully. I can tell I'm healing. I see my progress from six or seven years ago. I've got a support network today and I'm not healing alone.
Speaker 1:We're all helping one another. Oh my goodness, Kathy, I cannot tell you how much we love this email. And that phrase, I got through it skillfully, I love it because it empowers you as a system to do the things that you know help and that are good and healing for you. I love it. I love it so much.
Speaker 1:Ruth says, I just listened to one of your earlier podcasts where Molly discusses your faith. I'm wondering if you would mind telling me the name of the denomination of the church you currently attend or the name of your faith tradition. Only if you're comfortable doing so. Thank you. I'm not actually comfortable doing that on the podcast because it's really triggering for a lot of people.
Speaker 1:There are any faith system. There can be bad and slimy people inside it. And anytime you have any organization or group of people, just humans can be human, and some of them choose to do bad, and some of them choose to hurt other people, and some of them choose to act in terrible ways or do terrible things. And that's gross and awful and hard when that happens, but sometimes that happens within the context of a church. And when someone is doing that in the church, then it makes the whole church look bad.
Speaker 1:And it's not fair to any version of God or any version of a particular denomination to get blamed for what slimy people do. That gives those slimy people too much power, and I'm not okay with that. And I also don't want them to have the power to just trigger people or people make assumptions about me or my faith because of that. So for right now, just because it's such a sensitive topic, I'm not sharing that on the podcast, but I will email you back. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Amber says, we are late comers to your podcast. Our therapist just shared it with us three or four weeks ago and we binge listened despite three young children and a busy work schedule. Though your latest podcast wasn't a personally triggering subject for us, we are amazed at your courage to talk about such hard stuff. We have people in our system that won't even acknowledge that there was trauma or that we had DID, which is completely crazy because it is what it is. We are so grateful for your podcast.
Speaker 1:You guys, we spent years in that place of not being able to acknowledge that that's what's going on or be able to look at trauma. Like, that is what dissociation is. Right? So I think you will find that lots and lots of other people who struggle with this either are or have been in that same place, whether as a group, as a whole system, or parts of a system. All of us have been in that place of denial and not being able to acknowledge what traumas were there or or parts of our stories in our histories because it's so difficult.
Speaker 1:That's the whole reason we dissociate, right? She continues, one of us especially finds solace and inspiration from listening to Molly. We recently listened to the talk she gave at women's conference. And then this particular part of Amber loved it and started reading ancient Hebrew stuff for the first time in years. Because of her, we converted oh, they also know our church.
Speaker 1:So that's cool, guys. Just figure everything out. We're like being doxed in our church. Oh, fantastic. But until she heard Molly's talk, she has been so depressed.
Speaker 1:So it's cool she finally perked up a bit because of Molly. I like you, Sasha, because and then she names two of her parts in her system are so boring as you have expressed about doctor e. And I love your sense of humor. Those parts of their own aren't doing well with the DID thing. They're a medical doctor and a psychologist, and so she's really stuck struggling to accept things.
Speaker 1:I think she's finding hope as she hears Doctor. E learn about things. I think she probably feels more lonely than any of us because she can't even tell the husband about stuff right now because of fears and stigma and fears of it affecting her licensure. Absolutely. I mean, that's the whole reason that we started the podcast under a different name and a whole reason that it took us two years to come out to the ISSTD even after the podcast was released because it is such a vulnerable position, and you don't want to lose your licensure.
Speaker 1:And while theoretically you shouldn't, and technically that's actually even illegal, it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. And so it is a scary thing, and you do have to be careful. I hope that you got to listen to the guest podcast with Kathy Kesselman, who was also an MD and shared her own story as well as continuing her professional work. So Amber continues, just thank you all because our system really appreciates and benefits from your courage in doing these podcasts. Several of us will listen over and over to different ones in order to feel better.
Speaker 1:I know that sounds creepy, but I hope you can understand how isolation can make a system latch on to shreds of understanding. Thanks for all you do. Absolutely. I totally get that. That makes perfect sense.
Speaker 1:So thank you, Amber. That's so, so kind. Charlene writes, I have been listening to your podcast for about a year now. What you are doing is so brave, and I wanted to say thank you. My body is forty seven years old, and the name I've always been called is Charlene.
Speaker 1:But there are others who share this body that are much younger than I am, and getting to know them and working hard to trust them is difficult. There is so much on your podcast that validates our story. And then she talks about things that we share in common in some of their history. And then she says, now like Emma, she is learning that we are real, that she is not crazy, and that what happened really happened. You say things on your podcast even in general terms, and we know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 1:You are not alone. We are not alone. One of the things we're learning is that abuse overwhelms all the physical senses. So we learn to shut down the body until it seems we don't even have a body. It seems safer that way.
Speaker 1:Our system has struggled with an eating disorder for many years. In fact, we spent about four and a half months in treatment this year. Once again, our protector knew that we were going to die if we didn't get help. And somehow we kept trying so hard to live even when some of us think we don't want to anymore. But once we start to risk letting in some good, we are realizing that the reason we are created is to be loved.
Speaker 1:And our body is actually an ally as we are learning to take in good things through our physical senses. We are realizing that our eyes, our nose, ears, mouth are so hungry, even our skin is starving for good things. To experience and take in things that are nurturing and nourishing and kind and loving and that we are worthy of all those things and created to receive all those things. We feel like we are just starting to wake up, and it's good. It's hard, but it's good.
Speaker 1:Oh. Oh my goodness. That's so touching. My heart is so full. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Speaker 1:She continues some more. So much of what we've heard on your podcast helps us know we are not crazy and not alone, and we really wanted you all to know that. Oh, and they actually live close to us and know about all the snow and the weather. That's amazing. So there's someone with DID who lives close to us, like towns, I mean.
Speaker 1:We too have been dreading winter and snow because we have an awesome therapist that we have been seeing for about four years now, and we hate to miss therapy. Therapy is so hard, but it's even harder to have to miss. There's something so good that comes from being seen and heard. We are not alone. We are not invisible.
Speaker 1:You are not alone. You are not invisible. You are so brave and so I'm so thankful for what you have offered. You are a gift. Remember, you are all created to be loved, treasured, and cherished.
Speaker 1:The abuse is not who you are. You are beloved. Please take exceptional care of all of you. You are fighting for yourselves, and it's so beautiful. You have come so far to only come this far.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. You guys, I can't tell you how amazing your emails are and how much they mean to us and how much they help us. I'm so, so grateful. Thank you. Our friend Kim, who is on the podcast except then the technology ate it twice.
Speaker 1:She's a trooper, Kim. She writes, hi, everyone. Friendship and October were amazing episodes. Hi, Taylor. I haven't had a chance to check-in because it's been rough this past with my loves, and I've been struggling as a result.
Speaker 1:But I'm getting my bearings back and wanted to give y'all a holler. The friendship episode is when I think I found out the episodes are recorded in advance. All this time, I thought y'all just pressed record one day and published it the next. I used to think, dang, what an amazing time management they have, the husbands, travel, therapy, interviews, and podcasts. Now I get it.
Speaker 1:Hope things are smoothing out a little and talk to you soon, your podcast friend, Kim. That's so funny. That is pretty much how it works. We kind of record one, like, when it comes up and we have set aside time after our journaling to sort of process after we wrote. That's usually when we record.
Speaker 1:But then when we get interviews, we stack those up and sort of paste them in the release of them so that we have episodes ready ahead of time because sometimes we're just not functioning or we are too busy or we are traveling and not able to do it. But when there's a chunk of time without children or with enough privacy to record a podcast, then we may do several or get them edited or something so that they're ready to go when we have time. So it's several different steps because it takes a lot of journaling to do one of our personal podcasts, and then we process it out loud without looking at the what we've written because that's part of integrating it, so to speak, the writing and the experience and the feelings. I'm not talking about parts, but but the experience of it. And then to edit a podcast and actually get it set up to be released takes about two or three hours.
Speaker 1:And so we have to have chunks of time. So we can record them anytime there's privacy, but we have to have a whole giant chunk of time to be able to edit one and get it ready. So that's why some are scheduled ahead of time. Not always, but sometimes, if that makes sense. Also, we love you.
Speaker 1:Take good care of you, Kim, and your loves. Tina says, I am pretty sure I have OS DID, and my husband has DID. OS DID. We grew up together in poverty, and I am an MD. I do not know how that happened.
Speaker 1:Who can I talk to? Tina, I would just look on the ISSTD website and see if you can find a therapist in your area. If that's not an option, look on the therapists that are available in your area and see who is already working with trauma, even if they don't understand DID yet. That would at least be a starting place, and maybe you can get some referrals. Vivian says, I just wanted to let you all know that this podcast has made a huge difference for me.
Speaker 1:Even though I suffer from borderline personality disorder and not DID, the things Sasha and Doctor. E and everyone else has talked about coming out of therapy or just their own realizations has helped me make my own way to therapy. I've been struggling with this since I was in middle school and have never had therapy, but this podcast really changed everything for me. Thank you so much for everything you do. I love y'all.
Speaker 1:Vivian, that was so nice, and what a rock star are you to go start therapy. Good for you. That's just awesome. This is from Just Tea is all it says. Hi.
Speaker 1:I'm sitting in my car after my very first ever therapy session, and I just needed to thank you for creating this blog and podcast. About nine months ago, my best friend and I had an incident that I don't remember, and she has been very distant ever since. But about six months ago, she sent a link to your podcast to me, and I listened. And finally, for the first time, I got enough courage to go for help. I'm just beginning, but I do know that I was always afraid of therapists or asking for help.
Speaker 1:But with you, Sasha, being so brave to start the blog and Doctor. E for having so many smart therapists on the podcast, I finally accepted that I need help through this. I have always, always just depended on myself. But because of your podcast and your amazing system, I know because of my childhood trauma, I am strong, but I still need a hand. Thanks for being that little push I needed to make an appointment.
Speaker 1:Continue to help and continue to teach. You all are amazing. Thank you very much, Tee. Oh, that is such serious that is life changing. I can't tell you the encouragement and hope that that gives and that we can give to each other that way.
Speaker 1:Tee, that was very brave of you to share, and thank you for writing. This email is from Heather. Heather says, I hope this email finds all of you safe and connected. My name is Heather. I'm a psychologist and I have DID.
Speaker 1:I'm the manager who goes to work and fronts most of the time. I also have a wife and a five month old daughter. I just discovered your podcast and website this weekend. I wanted to reach out to all of you in your system who are reading this to let you know that for the first time in our lives, we don't feel so alone. I'm getting dizzy, so I know others are here.
Speaker 1:We got diagnosed about two years ago by our current therapist when we started with him. Ours is a familiar story. We had many therapists and it took a long time before we actually got diagnosed. We have a good deal of co consciousness, but still have memory loss. We're not sure how many of us are in our system.
Speaker 1:There are at least 11, probably more. We, the four of us that go to work are licensed and still practicing therapy at a clinic. I work with complex trauma for a while, but just started working with people with dissociative disorders about a year and a half ago when we just fell into it. We currently have one person with full on DID on our caseload. It's very hard, but a lot of fun.
Speaker 1:The four of us work together with her. We work hard to try to be a good therapist and not like all the ones out there who aren't helpful or even hurt their patients. Thank you so much for doing this work. We're only a little ways through your podcast. We listened to a couple and then decided to start at the beginning.
Speaker 1:You're so vulnerable in such a healing way. Is it hard to do the podcast? Yes. We're afraid of having so many people know about us. I bet you did a podcast on that.
Speaker 1:Yes. What's been the greatest thing that's happened on your healing journey? The greatest thing that's happened on our healing journey? Maybe finally getting a friend who's gonna keep us. I think it's just powerful friendship.
Speaker 1:The husband is solid and amazing, but to have a friend who understands and who doesn't give up and who sticks with you, I think changes everything and gives you an increased capacity than what you could do just on your own. And so that's important but it took a lot of years and a lot of work to find that person. So whoever your person is, they're worth finding so don't give up and take your time and discern carefully and and look for them. For us, it's been reconnecting with each other, other people in our lives on the outside and becoming ourselves. It's really still lonely though.
Speaker 1:Do you still feel lonely? Well, right now I'm in a rock by myself in an apartment, a billion trillion miles away from my family and my friends. So I'm feeling pretty lonely right now. That's why I'm reading all the emails. Okay.
Speaker 1:I didn't intend to write this much, but I've been feeling so isolated for so long, stuck in between having DID and also treating it and being a therapist. Do you run into others with DID who are still practicing? I don't need to know who they are without consent. I'm just curious if they exist. Yes, there are some.
Speaker 1:Some of them healthier than others. Some of them making more of an effort to be healthier than others. And some of them continuing to treat trauma and some not. We choose not to as best we can, but also at the same time there's trauma everywhere and so it's hard to avoid it but we when it's something that we know ahead of time we don't accept those cases just to make sure that we're taking care of ourselves and our clients but others even on the emails we've read today were anxious about similar questions that you asked. So I am grateful that you all are asking these questions and having the courage to write these emails so that you can hear the same questions from other people and connect with each other and have the support of just knowing that you're not alone even though it so often feels like it.
Speaker 1:That catches up emails for today. Whenever it is posted, I don't know Because editing will be a different day. But again, I just wanna thank you so much everyone for your support and your encouragement. We really appreciate it, and it really helps us be strong and continue doing the podcast and sharing our story as we go. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing, and you can join us on the community at www.systemsspeak.com. We'll see you there.