Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Fallon: [00:00:00] So I feel like you and I hold some different perspectives around,
Fallon: how do we say this
Abby: Making yourself do things
Fallon: ish? Yes. Like making, yeah, making yourself do things. So I feel like you're more of the mindset. Correct me if I'm, you know, off base here that like, if you don't want to do it, it's [00:01:00] probably not for you and don't do it. And I live a little bit more in the mindset of. Ooh, if I don't want to do it, what, what resistance is it meeting in me that I need to get to the other side of it?
Fallon: Right. And like discerning the difference of. Oh, this actually isn't for me, or I feel like this isn't for me because this is, I'm labeling it as a preference, but it's really me, my comfort zone. So let me meet up against this. Like, I feel like I'm a little bit more like, I don't know what the word is.
Abby: like just go take the cold plunge.
Fallon: Yeah. Yeah. Literally, like, let's just rip the bandaid off. And you're like, well, but does it need to be ripped off? Right? Like, maybe it's going to come off in its own time. So it's like, neither one is right or wrong. I just, It's something I've always noticed about you and I that we just hold a different perspective on that.
Fallon: And I think it really is in a way of discerning, right? It's not like you never do what's uncomfortable. Like, even when I was visiting you, you were like, Oh, I'm such resistance to doing [00:02:00] resistance training. And then you started to do resistance training. So I think we just navigate it differently, um, where I feel like I'm a little bit more like, I don't know if it's headstrong or like.
Fallon: Okay. Okay. Like, oh, let's just get in there and do the hard thing where you're like, okay, I'm not opposed to doing the hard thing, but I'm going to really see if I'm supposed to do the hard thing
Abby: Right. Yeah. I think too, for me, there's a part of it that, I mean, I think we're just jumping in here. So
Fallon: when we
Abby: I honestly just start where we started,
Abby: but I think for me too, there's, and I don't know if this is, you know, goes along with maybe my. My human design, my, my like, sun sign. Et cetera, being a
Abby: Taurus and being stubborn, but I don't like people telling me what to do. And like, it's, it's very, it's like, it's like probably my, like, that's where the word of stubbornness I think comes in for me. Like if [00:03:00] somebody tries to tell me what to do and that also translates into like influencers on the internet or wellness people being like, well, you need to do this because it gives you these benefits or you need to do X, Y, and Z things.
Abby: And I'm like, mmm. Do I
Abby: need to do those things?
Abby: And then it just
Fallon: Samantha on the internet. Do a.
Abby: brings the brat out in me. And I'm like, nah, I don't think so. I'm not going to fucking do that thing if I don't want to do it. You know?
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: And there's also the, okay, there is this thing I probably should be doing, or that would feel good to do, but it feels hard. So how can I, how can I kind of backstep, ease my way into doing the things that I know are probably going to be helpful for me or will move me into that next phase in a way that doesn't like shock my nervous system where I think for you, you're more like
Abby: stuck and do [00:04:00] it,
Fallon: let's shock the nervous
Abby: do it. Let's do it.
Fallon: Yeah. And you know, you're also really fierce when other people are trying to tell your friends what to do. So, like, Abby gets really upset, like, if I, like, share with her a conversation, she's like, I don't like that at all. I feel like he's trying to tell you what to do and that is not okay with me.
Fallon: Like, if you want to see Abby's fierceness come out, like, become a really good friend of hers because she, she really does not like, it's like, it's almost like you don't like, like, people trying to be authority, like, over. Like, you
Abby: Mm hmm.
Fallon: do rebel against that for sure. Not just for yourself, people that you love.
Fallon: Yeah. Well, I, I think like so much of this podcast, you know, is about us giving, wanting people to give themselves permission to be whoever they are, they want to be. And I also think that there's nuance, well, we know that there's nuance in this, right? It's like your permission to be whoever you want to be and do what feels good for you.
Fallon: Yes. Always. [00:05:00] And
Abby: And is that keeping you small and safe
Abby: and too protected
Fallon: Too protected. Yeah. 'cause it's like, you know, coming from, for me, a history of more of a dysregulated nervous system, if you will, the last few years. My nervous system is more regulated than it's ever been. I feel I just don't live in kind of the anxiousness that I used to just like tread with.
Fallon: And in that space, it's like, I, it's such a gift that I'm, I'm not willing to really compromise it much. But I also recognize that we're going to get dysregulated. Like, that is the, that is actually part of growth as well. So it's like noticing, and you can do this from your own history, like, I can see where I was dysregulated in my past because of choices that I made based on my patterns of my wounding.
Fallon: And I can see now where if I'm entering into that, I feel it right away. My body goes, oof. Are we sure? Right? I just had like a hard conversation with somebody [00:06:00] and my body was like, I don't like, we don't want to do this. And I said, okay. And it's like, and so it's discerning. Is it, do I not want to do it from fear?
Fallon: Or do I not want to do it because it's truly not for me? And that is something that I think really does come with practice of getting to know your body. Um, because the fear feels for me, it feels different than it does when it's something that's just not for me. Like, how about you?
Abby: Yeah, it definitely does. I remember like the biggest way this showed up in my life. I mean, like the biggest, the biggest example I can think of. Is when I decided to move to California and that was almost like, because it didn't make a ton, like it made sense. It made sense, of course, to me and my body, but it didn't make sense.
Abby: And it made sense, like on paper for my career, quote, unquote, just love [00:07:00] using quotes. Um, but I mean, my whole family was. Where I was like, when I was living in Chicago before I moved to California, my whole family, like most of my siblings were there. It was a four hour drive from home to Michigan where I'm from. And I was in a relationship of four years. He was not willing to move with me. Thank God, you know, in retrospect, yay. What a blessing. Um, and it was one of those things where like, it would have been really easy to say no, like I have a good job here. I don't need to take this. Other big step, this promotion, like I can do all of these things here and have my safety net of people. And yet, you know, the, the intuitive part of me, and this is, I think what can be hard to discern at first when you're new to this work, when you really hear that, [00:08:00] that little voice, that's like, but I think this is what you're meant to do. And trying to explain that to the other people in your life who don't understand it, and you're like, this is a huge risk. You know, again, it's a huge risk or is it a huge risk or is it exactly the thing that I need to do to, to get the things that I want to get to and to have the life that I want to have, the love that I want to have all of those things. Um, and yet when I did it, I mean, it was really scary and it was really hard, but also really beautiful and amazing.
Abby: And I remember being so scared to do it. And, but I kind of, I took the Fallon approach and I was like, we're going to, we're going to do it. We're going to jump right in, like feet first, I'm going to say, yes, I'm going to move all my things, go cross country. And and it's almost like when you do it that way, and my experience with [00:09:00] at least with that one, then you get to the other side and you're like, okay, that wasn't actually as scary as I thought it might, it might be.
Abby: And actually I can do. I can do hard things
Abby: and I can do big things and things that are really going to make an impact and survive and thrive and, you know, on the other side of it.
Fallon: all the things. Yeah. And the fear we're talking about here is obviously the fear, like, fear that's not keeping you safe in the sense of, like, your actual safe, like, your physical safety. Right? Like, we're talking about the fear that there's something on the other side of it. The fear that's the compass, the fear that's like, this is actually the way you need to go, but it is going to be really scary because it's not what, you know, um, and, and you were talking about, like, it's, is it a risk to do it?
Fallon: And. My thought was, when is it a risk to not?
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: You know, like sometimes it's a risk, quote, unquote, to not do it. [00:10:00] And I think you and I are such of the belief that no matter what choice we make, we're going to be, we're going to end up exactly where we need to be. But oftentimes the very thing you're looking for, the growth that you're looking for, the.
Fallon: Love the life, the experiences you're looking for really are in the discomfort of that hard decision. And so often the, the comfortable decision isn't for me, in my experience, isn't the quote unquote, right? And I say, I really do want to emphasize the quotes because I don't know that there's any right or wrong, you know, so really discern for yourself, but it's like, it just might be.
Fallon: Slower, you know, like if we, I mean, it could just take a little bit more time to get the thing that you want to get or get to the place or the feelings or the experience that you want to get if you make the right instead of the left or, or whatever.
Abby: Mm hmm.
Fallon: but just once you make a decision, just own it. To and that's been something that's been really hard for me to do personally, like, uh, you know, Abby knows this about me, [00:11:00] but as much as I'm like a headfirst dive in type person, it's for things that I know that I have a little bit of control over, like something as basic as an ice bath or embodiment work or shadow work or my inner child.
Fallon: But when it comes to decisions that involve other people or bigger aspects of my life, I can really dance an indecision after I've made a decision. Um, So like, I'll make a decision and I'll be like, Oh gosh, I don't know. Should I have done that? La la la la la. Or I'll be really hard on myself of what if this was the wrong decision and something I've written really has been brought to my awareness to just own.
Fallon: It's like, just, just go with the decision you made. Just, just make the best of the decision that you made. And then you're going to learn from that as we always talk about. But you know, I'm curious what it feels like in your body and what, and I want, I want to know your experiences, like Abby and I would love to know your experiences as listeners.
Fallon: When you discerned. Like, ooh, I, I made a decision out of fear and it ended up being the best thing ever, or I [00:12:00] didn't listen to my intuition, because how often do we know that story, that we didn't listen to our intuition, but the feelings in my body, like, there's fears, like, for me, it's like, I'm just aware that there's an unknown.
Fallon: And that it's also like a little bit, there's a little bit of underlying excitement or, or it's just really big fear, but it's like, there's something that I just know I've got to face with it. Whereas when something really isn't for me, it feels scary, but in a way that feels really contracting in my body.
Fallon: Like I can feel it in my solar plexus that like, I'm like, like it, my, so I'm a generator, I'm Mani, Mani, Jen, but generator type. Meaning so I literally can feel like a like a guttural sound in my body is what if and I'll just feel it. Um, so that's how I know when something's not for me is it just kind of makes me nauseous or I'm just like, oh, like, that is the last thing I want to be exploring right now.
Fallon: It is the last thing that is for me and I just get to trust that, you know, no matter what anybody else tells me. They. See, well, what about [00:13:00] this? And what about this? Okay. Well, that might all come. I don't know, but right now the answer is a, and if I don't let, I've not listened to that so many times, you know, so what does it feel like for you?
Abby: Feels like for me, for a, when it's a, um, like a clear, no. Well, if I'm going for my, I'm going for my authority, that, that one is tricky sometimes,
Fallon: Cause you're splitting it. Yeah.
Abby: And that tends to, that's like the intuition. So it, like, it comes, it's like comes in a flash and then it's like out. And then you're like, wait, but did, did that really come? Did I really feel that? Should I listen to that wisdom?
Abby: Or. This other thing that like seems true too. So for me, it's just, it's been a lot of over these past few years of really playing with that [00:14:00] and paying more attention of just really trusting what feels good in my body. because if it doesn't, then it feels more of like, uh, if we're going with physical sensations, it feels more of like a pit or like a pit in my stomach, or it feels like a heaviness, like a heaviness on my shoulders where I'm like,
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: Oh, I need to shove that off.
Abby: You know? Yeah. That would be mine.
Fallon: I love that. I think it's so important that we identify the, the physical, the sensations just as an individual so that we really know what your yes and your no, and all of that. truly feels like, um, for this journey. And I also think that even if something doesn't feel good, like working out, right?
Fallon: There's a lot of times you don't feel like doing the thing, but how are you to feel on the other side of it? So something [00:15:00] as simple as that, you can kind of practice of like, Ooh, I don't actually feel like doing this, but on the other side of it, how will I feel? And just accessing that, like, Because it's really light.
Fallon: Like, that's not something you can really mess up. You either work out or you don't work out. Like, whatever. Your whole day is not, you know, like, you're going to be fine the next day. So you can kind of practice that, that discernment with smaller decisions, you know, that aren't, don't have this huge impact on your life, if that makes sense.
Abby: Yeah, even picturing yourself in the, um, I mean, this is what I did literally when Ellen was talking about how I was like, uh, I'm having resistance to doing my resistance training. Um, and picturing, but picturing yourself, like she's saying on the other side of it, but in the, in the, like, when you know, you're going to feel good on the other side of some decision. Even if you don't want to do it, then you can picture yourself like, Ooh, how am I going to feel? What am I going to do? What am I going to be like thinking about myself when I get done? Like picturing yourself [00:16:00] like in the mirror, like flexing or like in the case of working out or, you know, just to be able to go forth and the rest of your day feeling like, Oh, my body feels really good.
Abby: I feel really strong and now I'm capable of all these other things.
Fallon: Yeah, and bringing that like into like relationships. So when you, just because I think it's so like it's the, the body is such a, or working out wellness is such an easy, I don't know, access point to give you guys ideas or just like ways to work with this. But when we bring it into relationship to when you speak your truth about how you feel in a really honest way from your heart, how does that version of you feel on the other side of that conversation, regardless of how they respond, react, All of that.
Fallon: So it's like, like, so what I'll be saying is applicable to so many areas of our life, not just outside of not just the working out or eating well, or anything like that. But what is the thing that needs to [00:17:00] be spoken? Maybe to yourself 1st the thing that you're scared to say, or admit to yourself 1st or to a partner or to a friend and like, potentially initiating that hard conversation because how are you going to feel on the other side?
Fallon: know, and like that, that version of you, how is she going to walk? And is she going to feel lighter, even if she has to navigate some discomfort and some heaviness in it, or potentially some loss, but other side and who you're growing into, what does she want for you? And I want to remind you too, that you can access her now, you know, you can access that version of you now sitting in meditation, visualization, prayer, automatic journaling.
Fallon: Like Abby does amazing with her automatic writing. She accesses a ton of wisdom that way. Um, but you can access that version of you now and ask her,
Abby: Mm hmm.
Fallon: how did we handle this? How do we navigate this? What's on the other side of this? And don't forget to like tap into those parts of you because she's right there holding [00:18:00] you.
Abby: Another really fun way. This just came to me. Um, another fun way to do that is if you have somebody in your life who, you know, sees you for you journal from her perspective or this person's perspective and the way that they see you. So I do this sometimes with, uh, with my business. And say, you know, I'd see it from Fallon's eyes or I'd see it from my friend Carly's eyes and I'll say, Hey, Carly, cause I know she listens. Um, and I ask, like, what would they say about this or what would they, like, if they're looking at me, what would they think about me, you know, for this thing that I'm asking about? And I journal as that person,
Abby: because sometimes just getting ourself out of our own. Perspective out of our own head and seeing ourselves through the eyes of the people who love us unconditionally, then we can [00:19:00] see a lot of the wisdom that's there or the gifts or things that we're not allowing us to see about ourselves.
Fallon: I love this so much. And something you often ask me, you know, as I'm single, but have dated is what is it in a partner that you really want? Like it's such a basic question, but you always come back to reminding me. So I love like this exercise so much that you just gave. But you can also do that.
Fallon: What would my friends want for me? So it's like, you know, and you do such a great job of like the man for you is, you know, and you list off, um, and I think you, that's such a, that's such a powerful practice for, like you said, for ourselves. To get out of our own head and out of our own way. And we can do this with your business, like you said, with your business, with potential partnerships, with even parenthood, like maybe if you're getting down on yourself about how you're being a mom, how would your describe you as a mom?
Fallon: So that is so powerful. I love that.[00:20:00]
Abby: little, a little nugget here at the end.
Abby: I
Fallon: Yes.
Abby: mean, just kidding. This whole thing was a nugget.
Abby: So many nuggets.
Fallon: Always. Yeah. So we'd love to hear from you, your experience with this, where you're at, maybe what's calling you forth into, uh, growth out of your comfort zone, but that maybe you've been resisting, uh, and let us support you in it and tag us.
Abby: And. And. to, I, you brought this up earlier and I wanted to kind of come back to it, just the, the fear, like the fear of doing something versus the fear, like the fear that's keeping you safe versus the fear that's, um, allowing you to move forward, you know, and, um, If there's something in your life, doesn't have to be a huge thing, like moving across the country, like mine was, but if there's something that you are wanting to try, but you're scared to try it, you want to try like a salsa dancing class or what's [00:21:00] a summer thing that people maybe want to do.
Abby: You want to like learn how to surf or paddleboard or jet ski. I don't know, whatever.
Fallon: Pick the thing. Yeah.
Abby: Skiing is super easy. I think I was thinking it was more like skiing, like behind a boat,
Abby: because that's one thing that I tried as a child. Yeah. Water skiing. I tried that as a child one time and I got like dragged and hailed a bunch of water and it was a scary experience.
Abby: And I'm like, I should probably try it again, like as an adult, because if I want to, but again, if this is, If there's something that you're not trying or that you would like to do that you suspect might feel uncomfortable, but you want to see yourself on the other side of it, I think that's the thing.
Abby: Like
Abby: if you want to see yourself, if you're picturing yourself on the other side of it and you're like happy and feeling great about it and see,
Abby: give it a [00:22:00] try,
Fallon: And we see this a lot just to, to close up, but we see this a lot. In personal development and hiring a coach and a mentor. A lot of times people resist that because they're like, Ooh, I don't know if I want to go that deep or I don't know what's on the other side, but if you're feeling the tug and you're feeling the pull and it's feeling scary, it's probably a really good investment in yourself, you know?
Fallon: And
Abby: feels a little bit exciting.
Fallon: yes, yes. And, and, and choose somebody that, you know, has really got you arm and arm. Um, and so, yeah, where are you potentially disguising your preferences? Things that are though. That's just my preference as maybe a way of staying where you're at. And that's not, if you're listening to this, that's not where you always want to be.
Fallon: It's great to stay where we're at for a while, but you're always, if you're listening to this, you're always being called to more or growth or going deeper because you wouldn't be listening to our podcast if you weren't. And so
Abby: And
Fallon: we got you either way,
Abby: if there's something. If there's something that's calling to you to do, to try, to [00:23:00] be, you can decide that this is your point of expansion and that this is your time to try it and to shift and know that you've got people who are ready to support you if you want support, need support, and also know that you can do it no matter what.
Fallon: claim it. I love it. We'll see you next week.
Abby: I'll see you next week.