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Greetings and Welcome to The 405 Coffee Break with O.K. Solberg
New episodes tend to air over the local KMMR radio station @ 5 minutes past 4PM each M-F. And have been doing so, nearly every week since Sept 2018.
I'm D.J. Rasmussen, O.K.s friend since junior high, possibly your neighbor & this websites maintainer, whom strives to get each episode's show notes written, the transcript proofed and the audio posted to the internet within a few hours of that days KMMR air time. NOTE: recently been publishing most new releases by 4:30PM.
Thanks for visiting and I hope you enjoy the time we can spend together.
i wanna again welcome you to The 405 Coffee Break. Guys, hot out there. Get a tall cool glass of lemonade. Sit back in the shade, and let's see what's happening out there.
OK Solberg:Spring wheat $5.64 a bushel. 550lb steer calf $5.10 a pound, all the way up to $5.40 a pound depending on their quality. And a 100lb fat lamb in Billings on the top end will fetch you $3.33 a pound. But guys, there's more, much more.
OK Solberg:Okay. Okay. Now, you know, I do a lot of reading. I write some, but I read too. I found an article online, and I wanna share it with you. It's titled the third chair. You ready? Here it goes.
OK Solberg:Every disagreement begins with two chairs, one for you, one for me. That's where problems are meant to be solved. But somewhere along the way, someone drags over a 3rd chair. Oh, yes.
OK Solberg:It can happen at work. A supervisor corrects an employee about a missed deadline. Nothing dramatic. Just a private conversation between 2 people who are part of the agreement. The employee leaves the office, not to think about the conversation, but to find a sympathetic ear.
OK Solberg:By lunchtime, a coworker has heard only one side of that story. By quitting time, someone who wasn't in the room as angry at the supervisor. The next morning, that coworker confronts the boss with opinions built entirely on a 2nd hand version of yesterday's conversation. The disagreement has grown not because new facts appeared, but but because a 3rd chair was added. Counselors have a name for this pattern, triangulation.
OK Solberg:It's the habit of drawing someone else into a conflict that should be handled by the two people directly involved. The strange thing is that it often feels helpful. I just needed someone to talk to. Yeah. Yeah.
OK Solberg:You know, I I wanted another opinion. I thought that they should know. But more often than not, the 3rd person doesn't hear the whole story. They hear one perspective, one emotion, one interpretation. Before long, they're carrying a burden that was never theirs to carry.
OK Solberg:Now there are 3 people frustrated instead of 2. Sometimes 4 people. Sometimes an entire office. Sometimes an entire family. Healthy relationships work differently.
OK Solberg:When a misunderstanding arises, the strongest people resist building a team. They don't collect supporters. They don't recruit defenders. They pull up only the 2 chairs that belong there, a one for you and one for me. They ask questions before making judgments.
OK Solberg:They listen before taking sides, and they remember that every story has more than one chapter and usually more than one viewpoint. A conversation handled directly has an amazing ability to shrink. A conversation carried through others often often and almost always enlarges it. Perhaps that's why the oldest wisdom still works. Speak to the person not about the person.
OK Solberg:What was that? The article says speak to the person not about the person. Leave the 3rd chair where it belongs folded up against the wall. You'll be surprised how many arguments never become battle simply because no one pulled it into the room at all. The end.
OK Solberg:I like that article and I found 2 bible verses to support that exact same concept. The 1st one is Matthew 18:15 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. Matthew 18 verse 15.
OK Solberg:The 2nd one is Proverbs 17 verse 9. Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9 Two chairs are often better than 3.
OK Solberg:So until next time, as you go out there, remember now, don't be bitter.