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Welcome to Coffee Can't Fix Everything, a unique podcast where we delve into the complex and often misunderstood world of mental health, all over a comforting cup of coffee. In each episode, we sit down with a steaming brew to have candid, heart-to-heart conversations about various aspects of mental health.
00:01
Hello everybody. Welcome to Coffee Can't Fix Everything. This is the podcast where we talk about mental health. Over a cup of coffee. Today I have somebody that is no stranger to any of the podcasts or anything that I do when it comes to mental health. I almost feel bad, Breanne. Why? Cause like, man, I'm gonna talk about mental health. Breanne. Why? Or Kayla. Breanne and Kayla. Yeah, that's what we do. Yes. But Breanne Ward.
00:31
Founder therapist for consulting. Thank you for being here again You're welcome again I'm honored that you always think of me though. That's cool. I because not only Are you in the profession? You do it well, but it's hard to find someone that can talk about it Mm-hmm in a way where people can digest it. I yeah, I feel that you know what I mean? I feel that you're either people are either
01:01
want to show you how smart they are. And I'd be like, all right, bro, just tell me if I'm happy or sad. I didn't need all that. It's like, well, with your dopamine levels are at a 2.5, and they should be at a 2.7. You know what, I don't need to hear all that. Right. It's something wrong with me. Something wrong. Yeah, I feel that. And when you find that, you gotta, you know what I mean? You gotta be able to share with other people. So I love that I can have you on this platform.
01:31
But one thing I really wanted to talk to you about, you know, lately, I've had this conversation a lot. So I was in the African American Leadership Academy. Congrats. Yes. What are you guys called? Not scholars. Fellows. There you go. And we show the mental health documentary that you are in at Iowa State. Yeah.
02:01
Yeah, we were at the Big 12 Conference. Do you know people were coming up to me? I just had a meet you and I'm like, what? I didn't know that you guys played the video. What? Yeah, so I hosted the Gospel Extravaganza. And so there were just people who just was like, hey, and I'm like, hey, hey. Hey. Had no idea until I, you know, watched the post afterwards. Really? Yeah, that's cool. Oh, that's so cool. I wish I wasn't on that. That's dope. Well, so while we're in there, first of all,
02:28
It was such a cool experience to see a bunch of, a group of black students that were just engaged, had great help. Like that was really cool. Yeah. But one of the students asked, like how, like, how do you talk to your friend or your homie who's going through something when you don't know what to say? Right. Right, like what do you do? Yeah. And...
02:54
I had a few things that I was, from my own experience, but it's like, it got me thinking, like, yo, what do you do? Like what, because it's one thing to be like, hey man, you're gonna be all right. That's the go-to. Like, oh, you're gonna be all right, man. You know, and you could mean that with all your heart, but is that the right thing to say at the right moment? Right, right. So.
03:22
that's where I have you. So. I'm glad I'm here. Yes. So shed some light on that with you know what can what can somebody do what comes in what can somebody say when they really want to.
03:40
help someone, they just don't know how to start that conversation or even begin with that. Absolutely. Well, I always think of the AAA policy, right? Not the insurance, right? But it's this idea of acknowledging, being aware, and then just being accessible. So, for instance, if I'm picking up energy off of my friend and it just feels wrong or negative, I'm going to say,
04:10
you're not okay. I was like, I don't know, but you know, help me understand if I'm right or wrong. Collaborate with them, right? So I'm making it aware and then I'm acknowledging that maybe you might be sad or I might acknowledge you more angry than normal. And then you make yourself accessible, meaning, you know, can I call a resource for you? Can, what do you need right now? And then also being able to check your capacity if...
04:39
you say you're accessible to them. I was at the Many Shades of Color Girls Youth Conference and I had a lot of young ladies in the room, eighth graders, ninth graders, ask the same question. And so I always want people to check their capacity before they say, I'm here for you. Call me anytime. I care for you. I'll do whatever you need me to do. That's humanly impossible.
05:05
So we gotta be aware of what our capacity is before we even engage in that conversation because you might set yourself up for failure. Yeah. So how do you...
05:19
How do you manage that? Because you want to be there for your friend. Absolutely. But when you say you checked your capacity and you're like, yo, I want to be there for you between nine and seven on Mondays and Wednesdays. Facts. Is that like, that sounds... It sounds harsh. It does. It sounds harsh. But the issue is you don't want to murder that line where I become friend, now I'm therapist, now I'm counselor, now I'm doctor, now I'm Uber.
05:49
all of these facets that could strain that relationship. And so it's very, I think you don't wanna lose your bedside manner, you don't wanna lose your compassion or your empathy for the person, but you have to let them know when you can go above and beyond. Right, right. And I think that really, that will help set that, not standard, but hey, this is, this is,
06:18
my capacity for you and you either take it or leave it. You know what I mean? I'll still be here for you, but there's only so much I can do. And I think that really helps with your own mental health as well. Ding, ding, ding, yeah man. Because if I'm always pouring and I don't have enough time to pour back into me, I'm going to end up snapping at this friend or not answering the call, or I'm going to avoid the verbal contract I made with them.
06:46
Cause I just don't want to engage because I'm tired. You know? Yeah. So you gotta be careful. Yeah. Which brings up, I feel like, and I laugh, but not because it's funny, but because I can, when you say that, I can picture myself mad. Have I done that before? I think we all have. Right? I seen a name on my phone, I was like.
07:12
Bruh. Yup. Like I don't have the capacity for it. When it comes to mental health, and correct me if I'm wrong, or I would love your opinion, but I feel like it's such a fine line of, you know, how much I can give to someone without being, what's the word I'm looking for?
07:41
But without, you know, coddling them. Oh, enabling them. Enabling. Yeah. Yes. Enabling them. Yeah. And it's like, OK, I'm I I sat down. I listened to you talk for an hour one time because I'm your friend. I want to support you. Right. But now it feels like. Whenever that person calls, this is all I am to them. Yes, it's the sounding board. Yeah.
08:08
And that has happened to me, I'm sure it's happened to others. Where it's like, oh, now this one called me again. Now it goes from me wanting to support you, like, oh, now it's here, he calls me again about his dang problems. Why don't you just do... How do you...
08:24
If you're already in it, right? You haven't set that boundary yet, like we had talked about earlier. You haven't set the boundary. You told this person, I'm there for you whenever you need. And they took that literally. How do you stop that? Like, how do you say, you know what? My, I lied. Or I did not. I did not expect you to go on this. Like, how do you stop that without?
08:53
without messing up the friendship? Absolutely. That's a good question. That is a very good question because that's why a lot of relationships break down. I think that society has trained us to be nice. So we say a lot of nice things, right? I love you, I got you, you're my best friend. Oh my gosh. Twin. Yeah, you my brother, you my sister's, you know, so.
09:23
we have been trained to be very, very nice, right? And we've watched it in sitcoms, right? An hour, 30 minutes, right? We don't ever see what happens after they say, cut, right? Yo, that's real. So I think what's really important for us is to understand where did we get this behavior from, because it's really people pleasing behavior. I don't wanna make this person upset. I wanna be this kind person to them, and that's great. But it starts to wait.
09:51
wave into people pleasing when you don't assert your boundaries. And boundaries doesn't have to be a bad word. It's just let you know my bounds. And if I'm out of my lane, I need to tell you that. So if someone wants to repair or kind of edit what they've said to a friend, I think it's okay to like sit over a cup of coffee.
10:11
Do something that you guys have a common base strength in. If it's watching a movie or whatever, and while you're doing that strength based activity, have that conversation with that person. Meaning, I really like it when I'm operating in this way with you. And I feel like I'm doing you a disservice because...
10:33
I can't do all the things that I said I could do and I want to apologize for that. Like please forgive me for overextending myself. I didn't even know what my capacity was. But I just want to let you know like from this point forward like I want to be X, Y, Z to you. Or I want to at least get you the right help because I'm working out of my capacity. I might be steering you wrong. I don't know. Yo, yeah. Be honest with them. We've all been there. Yeah. That's so real.
11:02
said, bringing, getting together around a common hobby or like or coffee because for myself, I feel like I want to be, I still want to be that person for somebody.
11:25
to your point, you know, wanting to please people, not wanting to upset them by saying, hey, I can't be that person for you all the time because out of my mouth, that sounds like I don't want to support you. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah, so what it is, is it becomes more about you than the other person. Oof, yep. Yep. Yeah. You right. And so we gotta be accountable for...
11:53
why do we say those things to other people? And is it more about us, you know, getting some of our emotional needs met? Because hear me out, like, Maslow hierarchy of need is usually where I go to mentally when I talk to somebody.
12:08
There is no way that anyone can get to a sense of belonging and a sense of feeling love if their basic needs aren't met. And one of those basic needs is a feeling to be safe. And if I don't feel safe, there is no way I can say, I'm going to take you to therapy, I can drive you there, I can do all the things. But if that person never feels safe, they're never going to tap into that resource. Because what happens pathetically is we become people safe.
12:38
spaces without even knowing it. So there's a statistic out there like one in three people they make or break someone's healing. So if one person has an adverse reaction to somebody telling their story they're more likely not going to tell anybody else and they'll suppress and they'll self-medicate or whatever right? But if one person says oh I believe you and I want to be there for you you're not my safe place.
13:04
And so I'm benounced to you, that person has mentally downloaded, when I want to feel safe, I go to this person and they'll just dump and all the things and they'll feel much better. But you leave feeling like you, I went to the airport and picked up everybody's luggage. Yeah. And so in order to preserve that relationship, you have to say, Hey, I'm feeling really heavy with some of your things. And I, and I just want to give you resources to where you can give this one and this thing and this thing too. Would you be open to that?
13:35
more than anything you got to collaborate with the person that you love or you like. Yeah. Because I mean, acknowledgement and awareness and accessibility, they're all great. But you also have to know that that's available for the listener too, for the friend too. Right. That's real. Does this happen, has this ever happened with strangers? Like as someone you don't know? Uh huh.
13:59
next thing you know you're that stranger safe space. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean if you're commonly frequenting like a Walgreens or a convenience store or a supermarket or whatever, I mean I can still recall to this day being a teenager working at Hy-Vee's customer service counter and I'd have particular clients who would come and see me and want to talk to me just about stuff, right? But it was safe for them to come on that every...
14:27
Oh look, I'm a therapist now every Friday, cashing that check, doing that Western Union, but I'm hearing about their life as well, right? So I think it's very common for strangers to dump on you. Oh yeah, but what if they came and your attitude wasn't right though? Oh well. We got another conversation. Because.
14:52
I can think of times in my life or people in my life where I would go somewhere if they were there, it was like, oh, this is big mama. This is aunt. This is that, oh, I love when she's here. But they can be going through their own thing. If they weren't in the mood, I'd be like. What is wrong with you? What is wrong? Yeah. Seriously. For me though.
15:18
Cory, I think it's very important for us to always be mindful that people are human. Just because I have a title of therapist doesn't mean that I'm happy and have empathetic understanding all the time. I might just not want to be that day. And I think if people can respect humanity.
15:38
And people can also understand what communication truly is. So healthy communication, Cory, is what we've been doing this whole time. You make a statement, I listen, I process, I hold my peace, until it's time for me to speak. So it's almost like you're playing Atari or ping pong, right? Yep. If people don't understand what healthy communication is, they can make it unhealthy very quickly. And so this idea of someone just
16:07
not giving the other person who's helping the opportunity to speak or to give input or whatever, that's unhealthy communication. So you gotta figure out, do you wanna keep communicating this way? Or do you wanna get them to a therapist who can do that? That's their job.
16:23
I just want to have coffee, I just want to eat chicken, I just want to have our kids have a play date together. Right. You know? So you got to figure out how to navigate that relationship in such a way to where you're like, okay, this is not healthy communication because I can never get a word in. Or they'll never, you'll give them all these, you know, things to do and things to consider. They do the exact opposite or not do it at all. So now we're getting bitter. Now we're getting resentment. And so it's this idea of like, okay, listener, helper, you have a job in this too.
16:51
So what you gonna do, what you gonna say? Right. I feel like, yeah, healthy communication, I think, is not taught enough. Mm-mm. And just by hearing you explain it that way, I feel like that should probably be something, not only taught in just like schools, but even, man, what are the, there's a program.
17:19
One of the ladies in the workshop was talking about there is a resource on campus.
17:28
for students to learn how to speak to other students around mental health. And I'm thinking after talking to you, I'm like would that program even be necessary if we learn just how to communicate? In general. In general. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like just being able to listen to somebody. Bags. Wait, take a breath, and respond. Because I think that would even
17:58
even talking about my own mental health and trying to, trying to explain to a friend or my wife or whomever, how I'm feeling, and then allowing them to respond without me having to like- Defend yourself. Defend myself, right? I think I would love to get your thoughts on the flip side of that, of if you're the person
18:29
What is that, what does that relation, that communication look like on the other end too? Like, yes, I want to tell you how I'm feeling. I'm waiting for your two cents on that, on your opinion. But what do I do as the person receiving that? How do I receive it without getting defensive and being able to take that in? Does that make sense? Absolutely, no, it makes perfect sense. Well,
18:55
Vulnerability always causes for defense, right? So if I'm about to be vulnerable with you, I'm already about to put my dukes up because if you say anything that slights how I feel, I mean, I'm giving you the raw. And so if I get any inkling that you're gonna disrespect that, minimize that, deny that, devalue that, I'm ready for you, right? So I think vulnerability brings about this idea to defend yourself.
19:20
Because maybe this person has tried to get help before and have always tried to defend themselves because no one believed them, no one heard them. Maybe someone discounted them, right? So it's this idea of now.
19:37
I've told my story so often, I've told the situation so often, and I'm telling you now, because I felt like maybe you might be a good candidate. But I'm already rising up because I want to lessen the blow. But I do understand what you're saying though, vulnerability always brings defense. Why do you think it's so hard for...
20:03
us, I'm gonna say us as sense of the black community, to be vulnerable. Because we've been talking about mental health a lot. We have. And I feel like now, I will say this, in my opinion, the mental health conversation in the black community is a lot better than what it used to be. Totally agree.
20:30
I still feel like there is a ways to go. But I believe, again, in my opinion, you know what I mean, I'm not all black community. Yeah. Being vulnerable is still hard. Absolutely. Why do you think that is in, well one, with your expertise in your profession, this is your world.
20:59
how far have we come in this conversation? And the other part of that is, why is vulnerability so hard? Yeah, I would say we've come farther than I've ever seen in my career to be able to have these conversations. I really wanna think Black Hollywood. I wanna think...
21:22
I want to thank those who are putting their lives on camera. You know, Taraji P. Henson just keeps popping out. Oh, yes. I mean, she's been crying in interviews. She's been advocating for herself. You know, she's creating a foundation in the name of her father. So I mean, I think like many like her.
21:40
being able to be vulnerable and I don't know why, but when it happens in entertainment, it kind of seals the deal like, oh, it's okay, we could do it. Right. Um. That's real. Right? So I just think that more black influences have been able to promote it's okay. I think why it's still hard for us to be vulnerable though, legislation still being slated about us.
22:06
Things are being snatched and ripped apart from us, right? The idea that we can't tell people about the real Harriet Tubman, the real Rosa Parks. Those books are being, that is crazy to me. So when you snatch away our history, why would I want to keep being vulnerable with a community that I know might not even validate my history, you know? So, I mean, I think that has a lot to do with it as well, but family dynamics has a way of doing that.
22:35
as well. So as we've talked about before, Corey, you know, black cliches in some of our families, you know, we don't tell our problems to white people or we fake it till we make it or we create wraparounds around problematic family members, you know, don't sit on grandpa's lap or, you know, don't be around them when they're drinking, you know, because if you do, it's your fault if something happens to you. You know what I'm saying? Well, I told you that too.
23:03
So there's so many layers to this thing, but I really think that vulnerability is an issue when our history keeps being snatched or devalued or erased, so to speak. We know it's not erased, but. Right, right. Man, that's so real. And there's...
23:23
It almost feels...
23:28
Let me find the words so I don't say anything stupid. It almost feels like, what can I do? Especially when you're talking about, you can't even talk about Harriet Tubman. You know what I'm saying? Without it being a big issue, it's like, Lord Jesus. Yeah.
23:54
What do you expect? What? Mm-hmm. Rose of Pox? Like what? Yeah. This is crazy. And it makes you feel like you have no power over it, which is very frustrating. Mm-hmm. I don't know how else to say it without saying something crazy. So I'll leave it at that. But.
24:20
I also wanted to talk to you about, you brought up a good point about our family situation, our family dynamic. And I know a lot of this conversation I was talking about, how do we talk to mental health with our friends, but a lot of people, and I will say, if it wasn't for the fact that I had...
24:44
friends in the space that you know like if you if I didn't have you to give me some like some pointers here and there about how to deal with with Machra. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It'd be hard out here. It's real. How do we talk to our kids, our own kids, our own family about mental health?
25:11
if we feel like they may be going through something. Yeah. How does that conversation work? Many people don't even recognize their emotions. That's where you start. You know, like I can, my son has a stink face. And I always say, son, you want to talk about it? Because it looks like you're bothered by something or you look upset. So I start to name what I think he's feeling. And.
25:38
I'll get, I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready yet. Moments will go by and he'll come and he'll say, well, I am upset. Well, can you tell me what led up to you being upset? So I think you just have to point out emotions. We need to have, if we can't talk about emotions at home, yo, you expect me to go to somebody's therapist and say what?
26:01
I'd rather fight it out. I'd rather smoke it out. I'd rather sex it out. I'd rather go to work. I'd rather exercise. Whatever the case may be. I'd rather suppress them because you've made me feel like emotions don't matter in this house. You know what I'm saying? And so that's why I think it's so important for us as humans, but especially black families, to point out emotions because we couldn't historically. Historically pointing out emotions would mean we're dying. We're getting beat. We're getting sold off.
26:31
right? So we have to stone, you know, stonewall it until the coast was clear. And you know where the coast was? Church.
26:41
I can get dressed up for the first time in dignity and I can cry but everybody thinks I'm crying about Jesus No, I'm crying because my husband just got so no I'm crying because I might be pregnant by master No, I'm crying so I could describe I could disguise my tears in that right And so there was no no intervention like a Yonla and and dr. Phil and them they didn't come after emancipation proclamation or they didn't come after Juneteenth So we carried that and transcended that right? And so if you think about black church today
27:11
you'll see people crying and falling out and it could be the Holy Spirit, absolutely. But other people are crying because I gotta go home and get beat again. They're going through it. I gotta go home because I can't name my emotions. I gotta go home and I just gotta exist, some of us, not all of us, you know? I don't want everybody to think black is doom and gloom. We got joy in blackness, okay? Yeah. We got a whole documentary about that. Every time. But, I mean, that is some of the cause.
27:38
of why people don't want to speak about their emotions, especially in black families. So I think it's really important for us to start naming what we see. Yo, there's a lot there. Breanne, let me try to break it down as best as I can because you bring up so many. I feel like when we talk about the
28:05
the don't don't show your emotions because it shows weakness. Right. I don't think we take that a step further to like, well, why, why is that? And it was because of past ancestral trauma. Absolutely. I don't think when we think of when we think of, I don't think we really, not everybody takes it back that far. I always do. I think it's important to, I think it's important, Brianne, because.
28:34
it's important to know where it comes from. Because my whole life, my whole life, I had my grandfather, I didn't see him. I don't think he even thought about crying. Never showed emotion. So you grow up thinking, and you hear it, like, what you crying for?
28:56
Fix your face. Fix, stop crying before I gave you something to cry about. All of this, you just gotta suck it up and you grow up feeling that that's the normal. Sucking it up is the normal. And if I feel like, if we would have known, hey, this is why our ancestors had to suck it up, that should give us permission to not have to do that anymore.
29:25
Like, yo, they have to do it for a real survival reason. Like, me just being mad because I can't go play. Or whatever, you know what I mean? Or like, I feel like that sacrifice should, like yo, we should be able now, like we should be able to be like, yo, I'm not feeling it. Or like, even as a man or as a grown adult, I should be able to be like, yo.
29:54
I ain't right today without having to feel like someone's going to some whoever that someone is is going to judge my manhood or Or even have you ever have you ever noticed or ever witnessed someone
30:16
talking about their mental state and then someone accusing them of being crazier than what they are absolutely you know so it's like absolutely now i can't say i'm sad without being talking about i need to go to go in inpatient and and not only is it said in that way but it said like as a joke or it makes it worse or with sarcasm so that's why people struggle with vulnerability because it's like
30:43
where are my people at where I can just say this and there's no judgment. And so I'm really happy. We are actually creating a woman social connected group. Yeah, I saw that. I'm so excited about that. Can you send me that link? I'll put it in the description. Absolutely. That's because I think that's dope. Talk about that a little bit. Yeah, so what I've realized by doing therapy for many, many years, you know, the heavy lifting is the after the healing. No one ever talks about the after.
31:12
Right? So, you know, we talk about trauma and we connect the dots. We do our interventions and we got your theoretical orientation. You good. And that person's like, so who, where are my people? Because no one has done this healing like I did. And so I feel like sometimes I have to dumb myself down or that, that I have to engage in things that I just healed from. And I don't want to do that anymore.
31:38
And so I've heard that for years since I've started therapy. And so I'm like, okay, we're gonna just do this group. So our administrative intern right now, Jackie Dudin is with us and she put this group together and she helped me with it. But we start April 2nd and we're just meeting on Zoom and we're just talking about being our authentic selves, talking about we are leaders, figuring out where our leadership would be best housed. Like what field of...
32:07
of work or in the community would it be? And then how do we connect you so that you can thrive with people who are on the same mindset and emotional plane as you? And so we're hoping for good stuff. Yo, I'm so happy you're doing that. We need more of that. Yeah. We need more people just stepping up and saying, hey, I wanna create. And in fact, community even came up when we had the panel over at the...
32:36
Varsity Cinema. Oh, okay, yeah. I wanna say, Teresa Zook brought it up about we need to get back to community. And what does that community look like? What is building a community? You know what I mean? And we got some things in the works that I gotta talk to you about. It's gonna be dope. I'm so excited.
32:55
I think getting back to community, man, this podcast has gone all over the place. It's all right. It's all right. The main thread is mental health. The main thread is. That's right. But I think the importance of community when it comes to mental health has been, I wouldn't say lost, but it's been pushed to the side. And how do we? I got two things for you. How do we bring?
33:22
First, I want you to answer this first one. How do we bring community back to the mental health conversation? Are you doing it with your group? What does that look like more for you? I think we need to create spaces, I really do, where people just come in and just talk about whatever. Or that idea of...
33:49
When we think about community, it's multigenerational. In my mind, community's always multigenerational because if you've had some dysfunction with your family dynamic in regards to maternal influence, paternal influence or whatever, that's what you're gonna be looking for. Mentorship, that type of thing. And so I think it has to be multigenerational and I think that it has to be.
34:17
welcoming space and so what does that look like it's going to be different for every community but what what i know i need in my community is i'm i need sisters right sister-like people i do need those who i can look up to and i need somebody that i can aspire after right so it's it's odd to think those ways but but you know i'm not the smartest tool in the box so that's why i always have kayla nearby or i have jacari nearby or i have tamra nearby
34:47
or me and Sarita, me and my friend Sarita just met here on Friday, just to talk about, okay, what are your thoughts on this? Because community grounds you. Yeah. You know? And it helps you to sort things out at a reasonable pace. Right. So yeah, that's what I think about when I think about community. No, that's good. You know, another thing, another conversation I've had.
35:13
within the past couple weeks was the idea of, I was talking to someone about community and bringing community back and how can I help support and improve mental health and community, yada, yada, yada. And it was Ms. Margaret, shout out to Ms. Margaret. Oh yeah. She was like, how do we bring mental health?
35:39
into every aspect that we do. Wow. So, and that was a question. I was like, how do we do that? Because she was talking about how, in the beginning of our classes, we would do these breathing exercises. Before we would start anything, we would try to have, like just clear our minds to get into it. But she was saying,
36:08
Well, how do we do that in everything that we do? Like, how do we do that into the workplaces? How do we do that at home? Like, what does bringing, how does bringing a mental health lens into your life look like? Yeah, yeah. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that look like? Well, I think everyone has to do their research on mental health. I mean, you can get overwhelmed by it. Oh my gosh, yes. Because there are so many scholars out there and there are beautiful scholars out there, right?
36:37
But I think you have to understand what facet of mental health acknowledgement is needed for the space that you're in, right? So if I'm in a place where it's all about the bottom line of productivity, right? I'm gonna be thinking about, okay, how can I bring hope into this space? And what's research around hope? Dr. Shane Lopez had a whole...
37:02
whole career on how you spread hope to people. It was scientific. He found the numbers and all the things, right? So I think you have to figure out what facet of mental health is necessary for your space. For mine, because in my household, because we're just moving and shaking it all over the place and my husband's up here preaching and I'm over here teaching and my son's over here on the tablet just trying to keep himself together. We need physical touch in this place. We need affirmation in this place.
37:33
So I'm gonna do research around that. You know, it is scientifically noticed that people need four to 12 hugs a day. Four to 12 hugs a day. Mm-hmm. And so.
37:49
We hugging in this house. My son, you know, now he's cool now, right? So he gives me side hugs now. I'm like, playboy, we don't do that here. I'm your mama. So we hug and I take a moment to hug my husband and we'll just stand in the middle of the kitchen and we'll just hold each other. Because I realized that that's the facet of mental health that I think is necessary in our house. So when you are trying to think about, okay, we gotta talk about it, we gotta do it. What do you need in this space?
38:18
do the research around the space and bring it in the space. Because you might not need hugs, you might just need an open space. Or you might not need open space, you might just need to get out into the sun because you're noticing that around October to January, everybody just duds out. You know, so we might need a light party, you know? Everybody bring a lamp for home, I'll give you some LED lights and we gonna sit and we gonna talk and we gonna eat some food around these lights, you know what I mean? Yeah.
38:45
So you just have to tailor it towards what you think you need in the space. What you need in the space. That's so good. That's so good. Mm hmm. Brianna, I'll be mindful of your time. I could sit here and talk to you forever. Thank you so much. You're welcome so much for chopping it up with me again. Absolutely. Another valuable resource to our community. I'll make sure I have the links to your group. Yes. In this in this episode. But.
39:15
If there's anything else, if anybody listening wants to reach out to you, learn more about you, connect with you professionally or personally, where can they reach you? Absolutely. So, you can go to moveforward, the number two day dot com. You can email me moveforward, consulting dot LLC at gmail dot com. Look me up on LinkedIn, look me up on Facebook. I almost had a heart attack. You know Facebook was out today?
39:44
Yeah, I did not know that. It was all glitchy and stuff. I was like, Oh my God, someone's hacking me. They're coming to get me. No, sorry, sidebar. Look me up on Instagram, Facebook. Would love to connect with you. Awesome. Well, again, everybody, thank you for listening. This is Coffee Can't Fix Everything. This is just a podcast. I am not a therapist.
40:09
If you need support, if you need help, please reach out, get help. Again, thank you guys for listening. I'll holler at you next time.