Hidden sources of stress - or how stress can hide (S9E4)

Show Notes

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Just as we can become 'nose blind', (made famous by those adverts that highlighted how we can stop smelling things we've been accustomed to), this episode is a canter through the idea that we can also become 'stress blind'.

And that (sometimes) when we spend some time away from the source of the stress, we return and suddenly realise how dominant that sense of stress really is.

Then slowly, slowly we become acclimatised again and that awareness of what's really impacting us slips into the background. And becomes once more unseen.

The practice here is SEEING, and then with that INSIGHT, exploring what action we can take.

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Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.

If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.

Unknown: Have you ever found
yourself in a situation where

part of you has known that it's
a source of stress, but you

become so acclimatised to it
that you start forgetting it.

Welcome to the podcast that's
all about deepening our self

awareness with profound self
compassion. I'm Henny, I write,

coach and speak about how making
changes in our inner world can

transform how we experience our
outer world. All founded on a

bedrock of self love. Settle in
and listen and see where the

episode takes you.

Hi, my lovelies, welcome back.

Today's gonna be a really quick
one. Although even as I say that

I'm very aware, I quite often
start out by saying it's going

to be quick, and then we kind of
chat for half an hour or

whatever, sometimes longer,
sometimes less, who knows, who

knows where we're going to end
up. So today, I want to just

drop in a thought about stress
blindness, which came out of

this idea of nose blindness, you
know, when you get so used to

the smell of your own home or
the smell of your own pets,

that's often what it's referred
to, or how it's referred to. The

we no longer notice that smell.

And actually, I had firsthand
experience of this when I was

still at school, and we had a
summer job working in a leak

factory. And I think I worked
there, I lasted about three

weeks, and the smell, oh my
goodness me. And I say leak. I

mean, like the vegetable. And my
job me and my friend, our job

was to strip the leaks. And so
there was this long conveyor

belt. And underneath the
conveyor belt was this runnel of

water, this kind of channel of
water. And either side of the

conveyor belt, we're I don't
know, 40 women, all with a

little chopping board and a
knife and we grab a leak from

the conveyor belt and we put it
on the chopping board, and we

chop down and that would count
how many leaks we had chopped,

and then we strip all the excess
leaves off, throw them into this

runnel of water that that
carried them away, and then put

the chopped, stripped leak into
a basket or something like that

that was next to us can't quite
remember that bit. But oh my

goodness me. Every morning, I'd
walk into this factory, this

like Warehouse and on this
massive farm, and I just want to

throw up and I didn't eat leeks
for years and years and years

afterwards. Now I love them. And
if you follow me on Instagram,

you'll know that actually last
year I planted about 60 in the

garden. That was a bit of an
accident. But anyway. But the

reason why I'm sharing this
story is that that experience of

working in that factory, I could
not understand how the other

people who'd worked there for
some of them for decades, didn't

feel the same as I did. And
obviously they got completely

used to the smell. So they
become nose blind to that smell

of the leaks. Now where I want
to talk about today and focus

our attention today is on a
concept that came up during

conversation that Anton and I
were having often these podcasts

either come up there or they
come up in inspired by client

conversations. And we were
talking about how we can become

stress blind in the sense that
we become we start to become

oblivious to the source of the
feelings of anxiety, tension,

worry, sadness, fear, whatever
it might be, we can start to

become blind to those to the
source of those feelings. And if

I just kind of unpack this a
little bit more, then I'd really

love to hear your thoughts as
always and just see does this

resonate with you? Have you ever
found yourself in a situation

where part of you has known that
it's a source of stress, but you

become so acclimatised to it,
that you start forgetting that

it's that experience, that
relationship, that job, that

place that you're living, that
that sort of, you know,

experience that you're having
whatever it might be, is the

source of stress, but you become
so acclimatised to it that, that

you start compromising yourself
to such a degree that you

actually become tolerant of it.

But the impact it has on you, is
still occurring. So I think one

of the ways of, kind of
exploring this a bit more is to

think about, maybe times when
we've spent time away from the

source of stress, where that the
odour of the stress, if you

like, is, is most dominant, and
we spend some time away from it.

For example, maybe it's
something that's going on at

work, and you go on holiday, and
you spend those two weeks lying

on that island, just off the
Amalfi Coast, or I don't know if

there are islands off the Amalfi
coast, but anyway, and and you

lie on the beach, or you you go
climbing up a mountain in the

Outer Hebrides, and you you
managed to read the the stench

of am I am I making too much of
this metaphor, but anyway, rid

yourself of the stench of that
of that stress and, and start to

come into yourself start to
experience the world without

that miasma, kind of overlaying
what you're experiencing. And

then when you return to the
place, say it's work or say it's

a particular relationship or
something else that's going on

in your life, suddenly, it hits
you, you're so much more aware

of what is going on. And what
happens, then, what's our normal

response, then? Well, if you're
anything like me, in the

experiences that I've definitely
had in the past, then what you

do is you carry on until that
smell, that stress, smell, no

longer feels so dominant, you
start to become really

acclimatised to it again. And,
and it becomes something that

kind of fades into the
background. And that's Ronnie,

by the way, barking, you might
start again. And sometimes there

is little we can do about it, of
course, you know, or it might

feel as though there's little
that we can do about it. We

might feel as though we are
trapped in the situation that we

find ourselves in. And, and so
we can then begin to feel as

though the only option we have
is to endure it and to allow

ourselves once more to become
stress blind. To start ignoring

or suppressing the source of the
stress, the source of what's

making us feel as though in some
way, we're not living the life

that we had intended to live.

And there are there's a couple
of thoughts that come up for me

here. So one is the power of
acceptance, the power of having

the the wisdom to to manage to
be with the things that we can't

change. And then there's the
other aspects which is having

the wisdom to be able to
identify, and then address the

things that we can change. And I
suppose the upshot of all of

this really, I mean, as with so
many of these podcasts, this is

a new thought for me, and just
something that I'm floating

around to kind of, you know, see
how it lands. But I suppose, to

me, really, the upshot is that
while we are stress blind,

while we switch off that sense
of what is impacting us, it

becomes incredibly difficult to
actually do anything about it.

And just as you know, going back
to that example, I said at the

beginning, you know, just as, in
fact, this might be oversharing

here, but we used to have two
very big dogs. And I'm pretty

sure that our house had a
certain doggy aroma, because it

can't not have done. And, in
fact, one very dear friend was

quite happy to tell me that it
did. And, you know, we'd go away

on holiday, and we'd come back
and go, Oh, my God, that right,

and then within minutes, our
sense of it would be gone. And

in exactly the same, now, we
weren't ever going to get rid of

those dogs. They were such a
loved part of our life. And when

they did die, it was desperately
desperately sad. And so I was

okay to tolerate the impact that
they had in our home. But there

are other things where it's not
okay to tolerate the impact that

they have on our lives. And, and
I think that's where this deeper

awareness becomes incredibly
important. And so, you know, if

you find that you step away from
a situation. And that means you

become much more alert to the
way that some aspect of it is

affecting you. Just ask
yourself, whether you want to

let go of that awareness when
you return to the situation, or

whether there actually is
something there that you can

address that can really benefit
you, in some way. And, yeah, I

think that's it. I think that's
the end of today's exploration,

of seeing stress as a smell.

Stress smells, oh my goodness,
wouldn't it be great if it did,

it'd be a bit like, you know,
like, they have to add that

aroma to the gas that we use in
our homes. In order that we can

smell if there's a gas leak,
it's a bit like that, whenever

that'd be handy if we could just
pop a little smell into the

sources of stress. So we become
even more aware that it's there

before it can do us any harm.

All right, my love's. I hope
this finds you well. And I hope

this finds you happy. And I hope
this finds you able to look at

the things in your life with a
loving gaze. That means that

you're able to see what it's
asking for your attention. It's

definitely something I always
hoped for, for myself. And I

really hope you can join us on
some of this year's gatherings.

I've started putting together
the calendar. It's a bit of a

slow process this year, but you
know, we'll gradually build it.

So we've got nine steps to a
compassionate menopause, which

is a lunchtime session in
February. And in March we're

going to be we're going to be
doing an image work session

haven't actually really told
that many people about this but

it's very, very exciting. An
online half day in a workshop on

image work, looking at or
revealing my true nature. And

when I say mine, I don't
literally mean mine. I mean

yours obviously. And the last
image work event that we did

here in person was just
extraordinary wonderful. And I

really look forward to sharing
some of the, the incredible

depths of insight that can come
from this beautiful practice.

And the other thing that we've
got coming up and I can't

remember the dates for any of
these, so if any of this

resonates with you, please go
and have a look at the website,

Henny flynn.co.uk. The other
thing we've got coming up is a

new journaling quest on
confidence. It feels really

appropriate as we come up into
spring, to be thinking about

confidence and whether or not it
feels like something that you

want to be paying attention to
this year. I would really

welcome you to come and join us
on this quest and just explore

what does confidence mean to
you? How does it feel? And maybe

what are some of the things that
your inner wisdom can talk to

you about that might help you
build your confidence or

maintain your confidence and
it's just a five day journaling

quest. So very, very easy for
everyone to access and, and

minimal commitment. So hopefully
something that can really help

you get back in the practice of
journaling. Right, really just

build into your current practice
of journaling, or perhaps try

journaling out for new, less
something completely new to

yourself. Okay, that's it and I
send you a hug and a wife