Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

“Our imperfections reveal that we’re human.”
As AI makes it easier to polish our words, how do we prove that our communication is actually our own? For Matt Abrahams, the answer isn’t to avoid AI, but to protect the distinctly human thinking, experiences, and imperfections that build trust. In a special episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Lorraine K. Lee takes over the host chair to interview Matt about the updated edition of Think Faster, Talk Smarter. They discuss Matt’s TRUST framework for demonstrating authenticity, the risk of outsourcing empathy to AI, and ways to use AI as a practice partner rather than a replacement for your own thinking.

Takeaways:
  • Your humanness is an advantage in the age of AI. Personal experiences, real-time thinking, and even small imperfections can signal authenticity and help others trust that your ideas and words are genuinely your own.
  • Use AI to strengthen your communication skills, not replace them. Treating AI as a thought partner, coach, or practice tool can help you prepare and build empathy while keeping your own judgment and reflection at the center.

Activity:
  • Keep it human. Take one message you’ve used AI to help draft and add something only you could provide: a personal example, a specific observation, or your own perspective. Use AI to polish the message without polishing away your voice.

Episode Reference Links:
Connect:

 Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (01:15) - The AI Authenticity Crisis
  • (03:13) - The TRUST Framework
  • (08:25) - AI and the Empathy Paradox
  • (10:40) - Using AI to Build Empathy
  • (12:10) - AI as a Communication Coach
  • (15:01) - Managing Conflict with CLEAR
  • (18:10) - Meet AI Matt
  • (21:01) - The Final Three Questions
  • (25:07) - Conclusion

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Creators and Guests

Host
Matt Abrahams
Lecturer Stanford University Graduate School of Business | Think Fast Talk Smart podcast host
Guest
Lorraine K. Lee
Corporate Keynote Speaker | Instructor at LinkedIn Learning, Stanford

What is Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques?

One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.

Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

Tune in every Tuesday for new episodes. Subscribe now to unlock your potential as a thoughtful, impactful communicator. Learn more and sign up for our eNewsletter at fastersmarter.io.

In a world where AI can polish and
perfect our communication, the ability

to communicate spontaneously on
the spot not only demonstrates your

humanness, but gives you an advantage
in your personal and professional life.

My name is Matt Abrahams, and I
teach Strategic Communication at

Stanford Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to Think Fast,
Talk Smart, the podcast.

Today you are in for
something a little different.

In celebration of the release of an
updated version of my book, Think Faster,

Talk Smarter, I'm taking on a new role.

I'll be the guest, and my friend Lorraine
K. Lee will join me and ask questions

about the content of my new book.

You might remember Lorraine from
episode 202, where she talked about

her great book, Unforgettable Presence.

Also, you can see us together
in my Masterclass Certification

Course on Strategic Communication.

So let me move over and be a
guest and welcome in Lorraine.

All right, Matt.

Well, thank you for inviting
me to grill you today.

I'm so excited to be back, sitting
in the host chair this time.

Are you ready to dive in?

I am absolutely ready.

A little nervous, but, and very grateful
for you taking the, the chair, and

I'm excited for the conversation.

Of course.

Same here.

So I read your two new chapters, uh, and
emailed you very excitedly afterwards

letting you know how timely they both are.

You talk about how to handle
spontaneous conflict and also how

to remain human in a world of AI.

So today I'd like to
discuss the AI chapter.

You said that AI has created
an authenticity crisis.

What do you mean by that, and
what are some of the consequences

that we're seeing from that?

We no longer can be assured that
when we see a communication from

someone, that it came from them.

Many people are using AI to polish
and perfect their communication.

So this authenticity crisis is really
about who generated the content.

Can I trust that it's you, and can I
trust that it reflects your knowledge,

your experience, your critical thinking?

And that's really what's at risk.

I am absolutely for using AI to help
us in many ways in our communication.

But when we outsource all of
the deep thinking, the critical

thought, the reflection, that
becomes problematic because we

don't have that depth of knowledge.

The experience of thinking through our
messages is really, really important.

So the consequences, to get to
your question, could be very dire.

And we're seeing people change
their behavior because of it.

Employers are asking people to come
in person for interviews because they

wanna know that you actually said it.

You don't have your AI up on
the side when you're virtual.

We know in exams in universities and high
schools, they're doing more in person.

They're bringing back the old
blue books that I had when I was,

Oh, are they?

Okay.

Yeah, when, when I was in school, because
we wanna see that that's original content.

So AI can help us in so many ways,
but it also leads to this crisis.

And all of us can be better
served by making sure that

we are adept at communicating
in the moment, in high-stakes

situations, without relying on AI.

It will become a differentiator and
really help us to be more effective.

I 100% agree with that.

And I was just talking to a senior
leader the other day, and he

said, "I…" He said, "I don't
trust anything that's written.

I need to see you live.

I don't know what was made with AI.

Like, what part was your thinking versus
AI?" So yeah, that, that really resonates.

So to remedy this crisis and
show more of our humanness, you

developed a framework you call TRUST.

Can you walk us through that
framework and give us some examples?

Absolutely.

Anybody listening or watching
knows I love a good framework.

And I know you do too.

Your book has lots of good ones that
I follow, uh, on a regular basis.

When we live in a world where authenticity
is in question, we need to know that we

can trust what somebody is saying came
from them, that it's human created.

So this framework provides us with five
specific skills or actions we can take

to, to demonstrate humanness, that, that
we actually originated this information.

So let me walk through the
various steps of TRUST, T-R-U-S-T.

To come off as authentic, you
need to be trusted, and we

can put trust into practice.

The T is for starting with
a truthful foundation.

Ground your message in your lived
experience, offering specific

details and examples, delving into
the emotions that accompanied them.

I might say something like, uh,
"I'm really self-conscious when I

had to share that." By revealing
that information, that's something

that an AI tool couldn't do.

The R is for real-time
processing of ideas.

AI just gives you a final output.

You can verbalize what you're thinking
in the moment, revealing your internal

processes and signaling to others that
you're originating content on the spot.

Phrases like, "My first inclination
is," or, "Let me think about," and,

"I remember when," brings listeners
into the workings of your mind.

The U stands for utilizing tailored,
detailed, local evidence to support

your logic and, and make it relevant.

AI offers backing for its
conclusion, but it tends to be

very generic and flavorless.

You can present stories, data, or
testimonials that might be a little

quirky or, or off, and those speak
to your own unique lived experience.

I might share how this new store
layout is like that first store I ever

visited or remember visiting as a kid.

That's insight that really
stands out as human and personal.

The S is for showing your
unique speaking style.

Until very recently, I used to tell
my students and clients to work on

eliminating things like verbal tics
that didn't add anything to the message

and, and were potentially distracting.

In the age of AI, these tics do add
something, a sense of humanness.

Our imperfections reveal that we're human.

Now, don't go overboard on your
ums and uhs, likes, I means,

okays, but, but you don't need to
stress about them as much either.

This verbal graffiti signals
that you're authentic.

And finally is T for tipping off
the audience to your perspective.

When sharing information, provide
commentary in a form that's unique

to your thoughts and insights.

When describing a new process or
innovation you made to a boss, you

might say something like, "This was
the most challenging but fun solution

I've had to work on in all the three
years I've been here." By leveraging

the T-R-U-S-T of TRUST, you demonstrate
authenticity, you demonstrate humanness,

you connect, and you let those
you're speaking with know that you're

human and these are your thoughts.

Love that framework, and I think the
one that really resonated with me

was when you were saying, "Oh, it's
okay to add some of those verbal tics

back." Similarly, I'll have people
say, "Oh, I saw a typo in the email.

I know they spent the time to write that
instead of just putting it into AI."

Isn't it funny the things, the things that
used to bother us now actually are proof

of human that, that we're who we are.

And, and I personally feel the
pressure removed a little bit.

And the people I coach and
teach feel much more relaxed.

So I believe TRUST helps you not
only trust in yourself but helps give

other folks that sense of confidence
that you're really who you are.

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Another really interesting idea you talk
about in your book is the empathy paradox,

and you make this really interesting
point about how AI can erode or enhance

empathy depending on how we use it.

Can you talk a little bit more
about this and perhaps why we

should be a little bit concerned?

Yes.

So empathy is so critical
in communication.

In fact, some people who study
communication believe the whole

purpose of communication is to
serve as a tool for empathy.

Empathy is how we connect, how
we learn, how we transmit meaning

and emotion, and AI can help us.

It can actually enhance our empathy.

So imagine I'm going
to interview with you.

You're the hiring manager.

I could look you up online.

I could say, "I'm speaking with Lorraine.

Uh, I know she, she
works for this company.

She's been for, there for this long.

She seems to be very focused
on delivery of results.

Help me come up with some ideas
about how to present her."

I'm not asking for a script.

I'm asking for the AI to be
a thought partner to help me

really learn more about you.

So in this way, it's enhancing my empathy.

The other side of AI, though, could
be I, I could simply outsource all

of my most challenging communication.

Let's say I have to give you a
performance review where there's

some constructive feedback.

Or perhaps I, I have to
let you go, lay you off.

Uh, I could just have
AI craft that message.

I could put it in an email and
send it, and, and that's it.

But if I do that, I actually lose
out on the, the skill building

that empathy actually helps.

Empathy's a muscle.

We have to build it.

I have to go through that thought process.

How would I feel if I were laid off?

What would this mean for me if I
received this constructive feedback?

And it is in that processing that I become
better in my communication and ultimately

better in my relationship with you.

So if we outsource all of this
to AI, we actually have empathy

atrophy, where we lose that ability.

So we have to rely on AI for where it
can help us as a thought partner or role

play and avoid just simply outsourcing
the most challenging communication.

That's that challenge.

That's that, that paradox
that we have to navigate.

I really like what you said about
how we have to practice empathy.

It's a muscle.

Absolutely.

So I, I wanna build on this.

You highlight three specific ways to use
AI to increase empathy, so using AI as a

training partner, maybe as a collaborative
teammate, and as a communications coach.

So can you tell me about a specific
situation where perhaps you've

used AI in one of these capacities?

Absolutely.

So I had, uh, a big initiative I was
trying to get started and successfully

have gotten started, and I had a big
meeting with the decision-makers and the

people who I needed to get to support it,
all lovely, wonderful people who I knew.

And I used AI to help me in
preparing for this meeting.

I gave some characteristics of some of
the people in the room in terms of where

I thought their perspective would be.

So there was a financial person involved.

There was a person who was doing strategy.

And I actually role-played
with AI my presentation.

So I spoke it out to the AI.

And I had the AI give me feedback
from the different perspectives.

And it was very illuminating.

A couple ideas came up I hadn't thought
of, and a couple of connections came up

that I also hadn't really registered,
and I was able to combine them together.

The success of my presentation, I
believe, was a, a direct result of

the feedback the AI gave me, but more
importantly, the thought process I had

to go through after I got the feedback.

So it's not enough just
to take the feedback in.

It's, it's that reflection
that can really help.

So that was something that, that
I used and will continue to use as

I bring forward new ideas in any
capacity, in any of the roles I have.

I think you make a really important point
about you get that feedback, but you do

need to process and you need to know,
like, does this actually make sense?

Do I wanna address this?

Do I wanna incorporate this?

And again, that's that muscle where you
are tapping into the human side of things,

practicing your communication skills.

If you let those atrophy, as you
said, you're not gonna be able to

discern when AI gives you something,
whether it makes sense to act on.

Yeah, AI is, is one form of input, and
we need to reflect and build it and

put it into the other forms of input
we take, including our own reflection.

Going off of that, uh, meeting example,
you offer some really specific ways

to use AI, some of which are very
relevant to us in the workforce,

uh, like simulating a meeting where
you actively might anticipate some

pushback from specific individuals.

So can you talk more about how you
would go about using AI in this way, and

what does that look like in practice?

So there are many ways to use AI.

Uh, I, I'm a big fan, and we learned
this from Jeremy Utley, who, who

taught us that you actually have
to have a conversation with AI.

It's not an oracle that, that
magically gives you results.

So if you have a big presentation,
if you are on a panel, if you

have a meeting to go to, you
can use an AI tool to role play.

You can actually use the, the
conversation mode where you're

speaking it out and getting feedback.

You can ask it to generate
challenging questions for you.

My MBA students are required to do
this for one of their assignments,

where they take Q&A, and they have to
train the AI to ask them questions,

and then they practice answering.

Much like a boxer might have a sparring
partner, AI can do that for you.

You can also ask AI to give you
feedback on the quality of your

argument, the, uh, types of vocabulary.

Are you using jargon or, or acronyms?

It can highlight that for you.

And after you've done enough of this
over multiple times in different

situations, you can go to the AI and
ask for trends or patterns that it sees.

So you can use it as a
meta teacher for you.

It could come back and say, "I notice
that you often start every conversation

with a question. Maybe you should try
a story here." We aren't often good

at seeing the patterns in our own
communication, and you can have AI

help inform you about those patterns.

So there are lots of
different ways to use it.

Again, it is a partner.

It is not a replacement.

I really like the Q&A example because
a lot of people get tripped up because

they don't practice enough or they
don't even think to practice for it.

So this is a very nice, easy way to
kinda get into that, that practice

mode and, yeah, be, be more confident
because you're coming in prepared now.

People so often understand that it's
important to practice a big meeting

presentation or a contribution, but
they don't think to, to practice the

dialogic, uh, Q&A part, and it, it works.

It makes a big difference.

I know you're going to cover this
more in a future episode, but your

other new chapter you added is about
how to handle in-the-moment conflict.

So can you give us a little
preview of what we can expect?

Think Faster, Talk Smarter
is divided into two parts.

There's the methodology, the seven
steps now, and then the second part

is all about applied situations where
we have to speak in the moment: making

small talk, answering questions,
pitching in the moment, uh, fixing

mistakes, making, uh, apologies.

As I toured all around doing podcasts
and, and guest lectures, the one

thing people asked me about is, "How
do you manage in-the-moment conflict

and challenges?" We've all been
there, where we're in the midst of

a meeting and something flares up.

We're having a conversation around
the family dinner table and our uncle

says something that sparks everything.

How do we handle that?

And so I decided to put some effort
into some research, leveraging a lot of

the content that I learned from my many
amazing guests, and really came up with

a framework, not for what to say, but for
how to prepare yourself for saying it.

So let me just give a little
bit of an idea of how people

can be clearer in those moments.

So the framework is called CLEAR,
and let me walk you through it.

C-L-E-A-R.

And this allows us to stay
calm and collected when

things get spicy and heated.

C is about checking yourself.

You have to regulate your emotions.

Take a beat and breathe.

Many of us wanna respond
right away and get tense.

L is about listening.

Listen with receptiveness.

Try to avoid judging and evaluating.

We so quickly advance
to our point of view.

We really have to receive theirs.

Then E is for explore.

Explore their perspective with an
open mindset and neutral questions.

A is where you acknowledge what you've
heard before advocating for your position.

Now, acknowledging doesn't mean you agree.

It just means I heard you.

And then the R in CLEAR stands
for respond strategically.

This is where you leverage a structure
that I talk about in other parts of the

book, like what, so what, now what, or
you've heard many structures on this show.

But the response part comes
much later in the process.

We have to do the initial work first.

And if we do this, it helps us to
be more connected and grounded.

And the reality is, most of conflict that
sparks in the moment is with people we're

going to have future relationships with.

So how we manage that conflict in
the moment not only helps us address

that issue, but sets the path for how
we'll deal with issues in the future.

So being CLEAR really does help.

I think having a framework for a
high-stress situation like that or a

conflict situation is so important.

Like you said, like, it's just
our natural inclination to just

respond right away or get upset.

So you've given us a framework
now where we can, even if we don't

remember the whole thing, like, okay,
we know there are some steps to think

through before we react or respond.

And that's true with any framework.

You don't have to institute
every single step.

You just have to leverage the ones that
you remember and that can help you in the

moment, and over time, you can add more.

Yeah.

Great call-out.

So I also wanna talk about your AI Matt
that people can engage with on your

website, which I think is such a fun idea.

I have thought about an AI Lorraine,
but haven't, haven't done it yet,

so I'd love to hear the story
behind why you created AI Matt and

how have people used it so far.

I think an AI Lorraine would be fantastic.

I will certainly use it.

This is an organic thing that
originated in one of my classes.

I was teaching a class, and one of my
students, Lucia, who is amazing, um,

at the end of it said, "Hey, I think
I can build that." We were talking

about AI and how AI can help you,
and especially with communication.

When the issues pop up, they
are salient, relevant right now.

Coaching is wonderful, and
coaching can prepare you.

But sometimes things just happen in
the moment, and wouldn't it be nice

to get some advice and guidance?

And so she was able to build,
uh, AI Matt, and it's, it's my

voice trained on all of my work.

So that in that moment, you can
get the, the advice you need.

It works just like making a phone call.

So you take out your phone.

You, you dial a number, you get a
text, you click on the link, and

you're talking to me immediately.

And people,

Oh, it's your actual voice.

It's my voice.

Wow.

Uh, people have shared just
wonderful ways in which it's helped.

I'll, I'll tell you, my wife actually
likes talking to it better than me.

She says it listens better.

Uh, my two sons have used it.

They tried to make it do naughty things.

And it didn't.

So it, it's hopefully very safe.

It's foolproof, yeah.

But really what it's trying to fill
is that, that one area that coaching

and teaching can't, which is I'm
in this moment of high stress,

high context, high relevance.

What advice can I get?

And you can get that advice
7 by 24 through the tool.

It's a lot of fun.

And people can try it
out for 10 minutes free.

Just go to fastersmarter.io,
click on it, try it out.

If you like it, you can
do even more with it.

Amazing.

Love it.

All right.

You've inspired me.

Cool.

If you listen to Think Fast, Talk Smart,
you know I believe communication is

something we can all get better at.

And getting better takes more
than simply learning new ideas.

It takes practice.

That's why I love teaching communication
essentials for work and life

through Stanford Continuing Studies.

We explore the communication challenges
that show up in everyday life, how

to be more persuasive, tell better
stories, strengthen your presence,

navigate difficult conversations, and
connect with others more effectively.

Along the way, you'll hear from
expert guest speakers, learn

practical techniques, and most
importantly, have opportunities

to put those ideas into practice.

My goal is simple: to help you become
a more confident, clear, and effective

communicator at work and in your life.

If that sounds like something you'd like
to work on, I'd love to have you join me.

Learn more and sign up at
continuingstudies.stanford.edu/tfts.

That's
continuingstudies.stanford.edu/tfts.

All right, Matt, so I mean,
our time has flown by together.

I would like to close out how you
usually do by asking you three questions.

So one I created for you, and
the other two are the ones

that you ask all your guests.

Are you ready?

I think so.

This is, this is different
being on this side of the table.

But yes.

I was excited to come
up with these questions.

All right.

So the first one is, for someone
who's wanting to use AI to become

a better communicator, what is
one action they can take today?

'Cause there's a lot we can do, right?

So if you had to recommend the one
thing, what would you recommend?

The first thing that I would do is I
would immediately go to AI and share

whatever the skill is you're looking to
improve and ask for it to give you some

suggestions about how to improve it.

AI does a really good job of
setting out plans and processes.

Now, you might not agree or you might not
wanna do the order, but I would start by

saying, "Hey, I am somebody who really
wants to work on improving my gestures

when I speak. What are two or three
things I should start doing right away?"

And it might come back and say something
very simple, say, "Hey, as you speak,

uh, use descriptive gestures as
you're talking." So if you describe

something that's big, show big.

If you're describing something
that increases, show that.

But it will be, do a very good job
of giving you some initial steps.

And then from there, you can get moving.

What I find with my students
and the people I coach is the

first step is the hardest.

And if AI can help you start that path
you're gonna be in a better place.

Something I like you did with that
prompt as well is you were really

specific with it, which is something I
say anytime you're asking for feedback.

So you're going to get a better response
the more helpful input you can put in.

Absolutely.

The more specific the ask,
the more specific the detail.

All right.

I'm excited to hear your
answer for this one.

Who is a communicator
that you admire and why?

I am somebody who loves comedy.

And the comedian that I admire
the most is Robin Williams.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

Not only was he incredibly well-versed,
he was able to bring together lots of

really deep, rich intellectual ideas.

But he could do so in the
moment and on the spot.

And as somebody who has studied
spontaneous communication, written

about it, I am amazed at his ability.

When I was younger, when I was in my
late teens, I actually had an opportunity

to see a show where he performed live.

Wow.

And I, uh, I am kidding.

This is absolutely the
honest to goodness truth.

Uh, my, my stomach hurt for two days
afterwards I was laughing so hard.

And I am convinced I only
understood half the jokes.

And most of his routine
that night was made up.

He had some stuff that he had prepared,
but he engaged the audience and just,

and it was amazing to see how he had the
ability to connect ideas together, and

he was able to just be really present.

And those are skills that
I really admire in people.

And I was really, really impressed.

And, and it, it's unfortunate
that he's no longer with us,

but I really admire his work.

Yeah.

Well, how amazing you got to see him live.

And last question, what are the
first three ingredients that go into

a successful communication recipe?

The most frequent bit of advice
anybody has given on this

show is know your audience.

It's all about your audience.

We must be audience centric.

Second, we have to be goal directed.

Communication often
strives towards a goal.

We have to know that goal.

And anybody who's listened to me
knows the goal is three things.

Know, feel, do.

So have a, have your audience, be clear
in your mind, have a clear goal, and

of course, you have to have structure.

If all you do is list and ramble, you
are going to confuse your audience.

You're going to reduce fidelity
and put yourself at a deficit.

So for me, it's audience,
it's goal, it's structure.

Those three things can help anybody, I
believe, be an effective communicator.

Plus 100 to all of that.

So Matt, this has been so interesting,
so enlightening, so fun to be

able to be on the other side
and, and hear all your insights.

Um, your updated book is
going to be so, so helpful.

Thank you for sharing your
expertise with all of us today,

and for sharing your host chair.

Lorraine, thank you so much for
taking the time to join me here and

for asking such great questions.

You made an excellent interviewer.

I really appreciate your time
and thoughtfulness and, and

all the best on your book.

Thank you.

Thank you for joining us
for another episode of Think

Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.

To learn more from Lorraine,
please listen to her episode 202.

To learn more about what I discuss, please
get a copy of Think Faster, Talk Smarter.

This episode was produced by
Katherine Reed, Alex McCarthy,

Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.

Our music is from Floyd Wonder, with
special thanks to Podium Podcast Company.

Please find us on YouTube and
wherever you get your podcasts.

Be sure to check out fastersmarter.io
for deep dive videos, English language

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