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In this episode, Dani discusses how she deals with recurring depression.
See full episode notes for recommendations & links.
Dani is honest and refreshing in her takes on the world and society. Listen as she explains how she’s come to understand the world through kindness, both towards ourselves and everything else.
[0:00] Hello friends! Welcome to Understanding Kindness, a podcast hosted by me, Dani! I’m someone who approaches life by learning from everyone around me, and I’ve decided to write it all down and talk about it here with you. I’ve learned that in order to create change in this world, we need to understand ourselves and the world around us, all while infusing kindness into everything we do. If I can do it, you can do it, and we can do it together. Welcome to Understanding Kindness.
[0:29] Hey there buds! Today I’m going to touch on depression once again. While going into the Winter months where I am I find it easier for myself to slip into those depressed feelings, so I wanted to discuss how I approach getting out of that funk and how I try to avoid getting there in the first place. If ever you find yourself here, know that if I’m able to get through it and out the other side, you can too. Let’s get into how we can do that.
[0:56] For today’s Native segment, I’m going to be discussing the term decolonization. It’s something that you may be hearing about or have heard in the past and it needs defining for complete understanding. To define decolonization, we must first understand what colonization is. Colonization is the complete domination by one nation of another nation, usually with some kind of occupation taking place on the Land as well. Therefore, decolonization would be the undoing of colonization, meaning those in the nation who have been violently dominated by the colonizing nation take back their independence and self-determination. Notice I said “violently” there. How else would you dominate an entire nation to push your own ideals onto them? Violence and force are inherent in colonization. When European nations landed on Turtle Island (aka North America) and so-called South America their intent once finding entire nations of Peoples living here was to colonize them to expand their respective empires. The British, French, Spanish, and Portuguese waged war throughout the Lands to colonize the People and the Land herself. The results of this initial colonization is what we see today: The United States of America, Canada, most of the countries of South and Central America, Mexico, and Brazil. The entirety of the so-called Americas have been colonized, but for a few nations: the Indigenous nations who have lived on and cared for these Lands since time immemorial. For the most part, these nations have remained uncolonized. However, colonization is incredibly widely spread; it’s tendrils reach far, far into every aspect of our lives, no matter if you’re a member of a sovereign Indigenous nation or not. As evidenced by colonial projects like oil pipelines, lithium mining, the building of national and state parks, and the ongoing MMIWG2ST movement, colonialism seeks to colonize even those who it’s made treaties with stating that it’ll allow those nations to remain sovereign and uncolonized. As I said earlier, these nations are the ones who have taken care of the Land since time immemorial, making sure that she is around and providing us with Life for generations to come. I also mentioned that when the Europeans came over they not only colonized the People on the Land, but the Land herself. Land extraction and use is seen as a norm in the global society now, but that was not always so. Natives see Earth as a living being who gives us life and in exchange they help her flourish. With the colonization and ongoing genocide of Native Peoples, these Lifeways are being extinguished, and Life on our Mother Earth is being extinguished along with them. The climate crisis that we’re experiencing today is a result of colonization, and the only way to begin mending the harm that colonizers and settlers, like myself and my ancestors, have caused is decolonization. The easiest and quickest way to get to this point is through Land Back; meaning we, the colonizers, give the Land back to her rightful caretakers, those who have cared for her since time immemorial: Indigenous Peoples. This means that instead of foreign colonizers and settlers determining what to do with the Land and on the Land, the Land’s Native Peoples show us how to care of her so that she will continue to be around for generations to come. Decolonization is the way to this outcome and continuing way of Life. For some more background on decolonization and land back, check out IndigenousAction.org, ItsGoingDown.org, and The Vegan Vanguard episode 58 titled “US Empire & Decolonization with Dr. Nick Estes”. I’ll link all of these in the episode notes.
[4:57] {Singing} *Shooouuuuut-Ooooouuuutttttsssssss*
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[5:18] So, today I’d like to talk about depression. I’ve talked in the past about my struggles with both depression and anxiety and how I’ve gotten through them. Today, though, I want to talk about when depression comes back up. Depression, and anxiety, are things that you don’t just battle with for certain periods in your life. They come up over and over again. Once you’ve experienced them, it’s almost certain that you will experience them again. Today I’m going to focus on depression because this one seems to impact my life more than my anxiety. This topic is especially relevant for us here in the Northern hemisphere as we’re entering into the Winter season. We’ll be dealing with less sunlight, less daytime, less natural vitamin D, and more frigid temperatures. We’ll be cooped up inside much more than when the Sun is shining and the days are long. It’s important to discuss how we can cope with these realities so we can take care of each other and ourselves.
[6:14] Depression kind of creeps in. Usually for me, in retrospect all the signs were there, though I don’t always notice the warning signs or things I’ve been neglecting until it’s a bit too late. Many times I’ll find myself getting really tired, lying around a lot not wanting to do anything. On a few occasions just in the past six months I’d say, I’ve said to myself and then to Jorge and my mom that I feel like I’m getting depressed. It’s really scary. I’ll notice my lack of wanting to do things I enjoy, my tiredness, and then eventually a hopelessness. The hopelessness is usually what tips me off. It’s the component that tipped me off the first time I actually realized I was depressed. I usually start by getting really tired and feeling lazy and sad, then I’ll have a thought like, “Is this how I’m just gonna feel now?” It’s pretty devastating. It really does feel like I’ll never be happy again. It’s debilitating. And it all happens in a kind of micro chasm. Within a few short days or weeks of neglecting my wellbeing habits, I’ll start to feel it creep in. I may get overwhelmed by Life and need to take a few days to rest, but if I don’t hop back on right away or if I spend just one day too long resting, it’s a slippery slope. That’s when those feelings pop up, and it might be another few days or weeks before I realize what’s going on.
[7:40] Once I realize it I try to speak up about how I’m feeling to my mom and/or Jorge. I know those two People care about me and can help me monitor my symptoms. They also help pick me back up. This is something that has really helped me in the past: telling someone. It makes me feel like I’m not in this alone. I might feel like no one really understands or can help me out of the funk, but every time when I just tell someone about it it makes me start to feel better. Like I’m starting to work my way out of it. It shows that I’ve identified the problem and can now work on getting better. I try to tell myself that this is temporary. Though the feeling of hopelessness inherently makes you feel like things will never get better, it’s important to tell myself that they will, even if I don’t really believe it at that moment. That’s what’s really interesting about depression, and any mental health issue, to me. No matter how much I know and understand about the issue, it’s never the same when I’m in it. Yes, I know intellectually that these feelings won’t last forever, and yes, I know that I need to do x,y,z to get myself back on track, but these things are just knowledge. It’s something completely different when I’m in the thick of it.
[8:54] It feels like it’ll never get better. It feels like you’ll always feel this way. It feels…hopeless, like nothing I do will make me feel better, this is just how I am now. And it’s surreal to stand in that feeling while also knowing that it won’t actually be forever. You feel like your mind is lying to you; and it is, you just believe the lie and think the truth is the lie. It’s so weird and screwy. No matter how screwy it is or how weird it feels though, I still start by telling myself that it won’t last forever. Somehow consciously saying it to myself works better than just watching the thoughts pass through my mind. So once I’ve done that, I begin trying to identify things in my life that may be contributing to these feelings. Usually it’s pretty obvious. Most times I’ll find that I haven’t been getting great sleep or I’ve been neglecting my workouts or I haven’t been eating really nourishing foods or I haven’t been meditating as much or I’ve been cooped up inside. It’s usually a combination of all of these things that lead to my feeling depressed.
[10:11] I find that once I fall off on one of those things, the rest tend to follow as well. It all works together. I like to start off getting back into the swing of things by going outside, even if it’s cold. The fresh air and natural light work wonders for me. It always amazes me with how much more energized I feel after just a bit of going outside. That’s usually a nice little boost in my mood. Then I like to start getting back into my exercises by just doing some light stretching and a lighter workout. This helps boost my appetite, which then motivates me to eat more fruits and veggies, and lots of them if they’re available! Eating more foods like that gives me natural energy that helps propel me forward even more. Working out also helps with my sleep. And I find that I sleep more soundly and well-rested when I work out more regularly. And all of that that usually helps me feel more motivated to meditate.
[11:10] Though I understand and really do feel that my meditation helps me a lot and makes me feel calmer and more relaxed, it’s not always easy to keep up with the practice. Especially when I’m not feeling great. Taking 15 or 20 minutes to just sit quietly and focus doesn’t really sound that appealing when I’m just exhausted and not wanting to do anything. Though it may seem like meditating doesn’t take much effort, it’s pretty effortful. You have to put the effort it to make the time to just sit there and focus for a while. You have to put effort into staying focused while you’re doing the practice. And you have to put effort into staying aware and remembering what you practiced throughout the day. It’s much more effort than it seems. When I practice it regularly it doesn’t take as much effort and motivation to keep with it, so it is much easier when I just keep practicing. But when I find that I haven’t been, I’ll start with doing much shorter meditations than I usually do, so like 5 minutes. This helps me just get back into it. It starts giving me some of that boost that I get from incorporating the habit. That in turn makes incorporating my other habits back in even simpler. They all work together.
[12:29] Just as quickly as the depression seemed to creep in, when I begin working on my habits again, the depression lifts almost just as quickly. I try to keep in mind how much better I feel when I keep up with my habits so that when I’m feeling just a bit lazy, it can motivate me to continue with them. Of course, we all need breaks some times though. I’m all for a good break, whether it’s at the end of a super stressful time or right in the middle of your everyday if you can. Taking breaks helps our mental health immensely. We’re not allowed much break time in society. We’re actually told that we shouldn’t need more of it than the two days a week that we’re actually given. I believe that is a lie (shocking, I know). Breaks can actually help us function much better than if we hadn’t taken one and soldiered on. There are countless experiences I’ve had where I was really stressed and felt like I couldn’t keep going so I took a break and when I got back into it, I was able to do whatever I was doing in a much shorter amount of time and with much more ease. Though I enjoy a break when I’m stressed, I’m an even bigger supporter of taking breaks before I even get to that point.
[13:37] Truthfully, I try to take breaks multiple times a week, if not everyday. One of my all time favorite places to rest and relax is in the Forest. I love to head over there, take off my shoes, and just walk through the Forest being amazed by everyone I encounter. It’s so rejuvenating for me and I come back feeling so relaxed and always wanting more. I don’t get to do this everyday, though I would love to, but I definitely shoot for at least twice a week. This particular activity changes from season to season, but going outside in general to feel the fresh air and the natural light always helps me feel better. When I’m not taking breaks at the Forest or just outside in general, I’ll watch a show for a bit or take a little nap. I’m all for naps and think they are highly underrated. A good 20 minute nap can set me back on track when I’ve been feeling groggy all day. Lots of times when I’m looking for a good break I’ll look to those around me to hang out with too. Connecting with others, whether it’s Jorge or his parents or Ghost or my mom, helps me a lot. Sometimes you just need some quality time with People to feel rejuvenated. We’re all deprived of that time so it’s kind of amazing how little of it will help you feel better.
[14:58] As the seasons begin changing and as I watch Autumn turn to Winter, I know I’ll have to keep up with all of these habits. I know from previous years that this time can be difficult, but I can get through it and keep myself healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually. In order to keep myself from slipping into depression I try to stay on my wellbeing habits and take lots of breaks. This is a time to not be hard on myself. Because I know it can be difficult it’s important that I’m kind with myself and understanding about the circumstances surrounding the changes in the seasons. If I’m too hard on myself I’ll find it even more difficult to keep up with my habits and I’ll end up taking a bit too many breaks from them that eventually slip into depression. As long as I keep going with the things that make me feel great and taking breaks when I do feel overwhelmed I can better ensure that I won’t wake up one day and find myself stuck in a depression. If ever I do find myself in that pit it’s super helpful to know that I know how to get out of it. Telling myself that this feeling won’t last forever, expressing those feelings to others who I know care about me, and then beginning to incorporate my habits back into my routine help me get out of that funk. It’s definitely better if I can avoid getting to that point in the first place, but when I find myself there it’s helpful to know that I can get out of it. As we head into the darker months (at least for us up here in the Northern hemisphere), these things are extremely important to keep in mind to keep ourselves and each other safe and healthy. If I can get myself out of these feelings of depression by being kind to myself and by understanding what I need to do to get myself feeling better, you can do the same whenever or if ever you find yourself in a similar situation. Remember to take care of yourself, no matter the season.
[16:49] {Singing} *Recommendaaaationsssss*
Once again all of our recommendations for today come from our Native segment. To learn more about decolonization, visit IndigenousAction.org, ItsGoingDown.org, and listen to The Vegan Vanguard episode 58, “US Empire and Decolonization with Dr. Nick Estes”. They’ll all be linked in the episode notes.
[17:16] If you enjoyed this episode, help support the podcast! All this content is free and I’d love to make it my job one day, so if you’re financially able join our patreon or send a one-time or recurring donation through paypal! You can also share an episode with family or friends, and give UK a kind rating and review!
Check out UnderstandingKindness.com for all episodes, transcripts, and blog posts. And why not take a listen to my other podcast, Better When Awkward, co-hosted by my childhood best friend Jasmine!
Get in touch with me by emailing UnderstandingKindness@protonmail.com, or through social media. You can find all links in the episode notes.
For now, be kind, be compassionate, be understanding, and question everything. I’ll be here. Thank you for listening to this episode of Understanding Kindness. [End transcript]