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How Does She Do It? is a podcast about what sits underneath the roles women carry.
Hosted by Latasha Kennedy, the show explores motherhood at the intersection of faith, family and calling through honest conversations with women building meaningful lives. We talk about the decisions, systems, relationships, setbacks and support behind what everyone else sees.
These are not conversations with women who have everything figured out. They are conversations about becoming, choosing what matters, navigating seasons that stretch you and building a life that reflects what God has entrusted to you.
From marriage and motherhood to identity, health, work, purpose, money and the dreams that still matter, How Does She Do It? asks the question women are often thinking when they look at another woman’s life they admire:
"Geez, how does she do it?"
Well sis, it’s time to find out.
Latasha (00:00.046)
Help me to be present because so often we're like in mind and in spirit because so often we are thinking about where we wanna be next.
Aurie (00:09.922)
Because how do we learn perseverance? By persevering. What is my good enough list?
Because we have to relinquish control. Take care of yourself. Allow God to do his work and allow people to bear the consequences of their own actions. They're like, How are you? I'm fine. I'm fine. How are you really? And then the water works happen. It is a mutual shAurieng, but somebody has to go first. The ground has to be frozen. You have to go through hard things in order to push up a very strong stem.
Latasha (00:42.51)
If you had two hours of pure unscripted freedom, where are you going?
Aurie (00:48.26)
I'm putzing in the yard for sure. Keep your cup full.
Latasha (00:51.97)
Bicup full. I love that.
Latasha (01:00.328)
Aurie, I am so happy you're here. Welcome to the show.
Aurie (01:03.81)
Thank you, Latasha. It's so nice to be here and in person after having been in your group for a while on Facebook. So for all the women out there. I'm so surprised. Yeah, for all the women out there who have not come and found you on Facebook, the women love God Facebook group, the one where you post about intentionality. It is the most encouraging group I'm in on Facebook.
by far. By far. Because what is talked about and what is posted in that group is so elevated. It really does draw you forward. The aesthetic of the page is clean and unhurried. And so in a social media world that's so full of noise, it feels like a calming place. And at the same time, you're not going to find victim mindsets.
in that group. Everyone is so intentional and empowered and focused on the higher level of what's going on in our lives. So if women have not come to find you there, you're missing out. I actually found Latasha there first and she had no idea I've been secretly stalking her on her own Facebook group for about a year now. enjoying Yeah and just really enjoying seeing that pop up and then diving in
on kind of a weekly basis just to kind of get like a little refresh. So good.
Latasha (02:35.054)
I love that. Thank you so much. Because this show is this moment was about you. But I really appreciate that because you just you don't know. You you want to encourage, you want to inspire and call women forward and help them to really see themselves as God sees them, not always sort of trapped in the ways in which the noise can cause you to see yourself.
Aurie (03:03.224)
Yes. So
Latasha (03:04.11)
So but sometimes you just don't know. So I I really appreciate that. Thank you for shAurieng that.
Aurie (03:08.962)
Absolutely. I just I had to because like you said, we put things out from our heart. but in this digital age, because everything is online and a lot of face-to-face conversations don't happen as much anymore. We really don't know. You don't get that instant feedback. So that's what I love about these podcasts too, is it's a chance to actually have real-time conversations with other women and
We dive in, we don't stay surface level chit chat about, how are you? I'm so busy. yeah, me too. And then like that's it. We're just in this like, I'm busy mode, air quotes. These are the real, real conversations that need to happen and they get to happen in real time. And we get to build up ourselves and other women who get to come into these conversations and listen. This is I just get so
excited about it. I'm sure you can hear it in my voice, but I just get ex so excited about it because these conversations are so needed.
Latasha (04:13.11)
So I I completely agree with you. I think that as you even said before our before we started recording, when I was reading your intake form and you were talking about just how so many women are silently struggling with so many different things, whether it be isolation or I'm fine syndrome. And I think
And then because of so many different dynamics that go into women's relationships, there are women who are now, even though they want the sisterhood, are feeling like, mm, no, it's not really a safe space. I'm not really welcome. And so it's so important to really have sacred, safe spaces where women can say, I feel like I'm failing, you know, love the Lord with all my heart, but I don't feel like I know what I'm doing.
And and to have someone say, Girl, I've been there. I was there just yesterday. It's okay. Because for every person who feels like they have one system down, they're still trying to learn something else and how to excel in that area too. So I think I I completely agree with you that moms who are and women who are open and loving and willing to be vulnerable and transparent about their journey are so needed and they
Aurie (05:12.078)
Yeah.
Latasha (05:34.69)
really help to move the needle in other women's lives. So I'm so excited about our conversation because I'm confident that that's what's gonna happen with our conversation today as well.
Aurie (05:45.25)
Yeah, absolutely.
Latasha (05:46.988)
So so you have a six-year-old daughter, seven year old daughter, and she's homeschooled. So tell me a little bit of since you guys aren't doing the hustle and bustle back and forth to school, what is a typical Tuesday morning like for you guys?
Aurie (06:06.382)
So I'm typically gone before she gets up. So I'm gone to work before she's up. Typically my husband is getting up about the time I'm leaving. So I start my day early. and we can talk about this when we talk about rhythms and routines, but I've made it a priority for years now to get up before the rest of the family and have my quiet time. I I need to have space. I used to be able pre pre children, I used to be able to get up.
And hit the gym at 4 30 in the morning and get my run in, get my weightlifting done, and then like jet off to work. And like, no more. I'm done with that season and I need to sit and drink my coffee in silence and don't anyone talk to me. And and I think too, like so over Christmas, actually, my dad and my grandpa were giving me a hard time about this. My dad.
It was like, yeah, she's grumpy. She doesn't talk in the morning, blah blah blah, until she's got her cup of coffee. And I got the thing, I was like, really? It's I don't want to talk to people before I've talked to God first. That is what it has become for me. I need my focus time with Him first because it sets the tone for everything else. It sets the tone for how I greet my family.
and how I interact with them. It sets the tone for how I show up at work and how I show up for play. All the things. So I get up and have that and I can slowly ease into my day and get myself ready and out the door. And then because we're homeschooling this year, that's such a huge relief to not have to also get her up and rush out the door when she's tired. So she gets to sleep till she gets up.
And I think I like that because I think we need to listen to our bodies more. And it's in this culture of hustle, I think we're depleting our children because we're getting them up before their bodies are ready to be up and rushing them out the door. And, you know, they're cranky, we're cranky. It's just it's a sad time. And I I can relate because we did that last year. And I was just like, I don't like this.
Aurie (08:28.774)
this doesn't feel like good for her. and so she because she just naturally she cannot put her mind to bed at night. So we leaned into like, it's okay if you can't fall asleep, you'll just fall asleep whenever you're ready to fall asleep. But you can be in here and be quiet, you can color, you can read, whatever you want to do, but you gotta be in bed. However, her mind doesn't really go to sleep till ten. So she gets up whenever she's ready to get up.
And then they kind of have a slow morning, they do their reading and things while she's waking up, and then they have breakfast and then she starts her schoolwork. So they kind of kind of slowly ease into their day too. And I think it just makes for a really healthy mental space. Like everybody is nourished and filled and energetic and fully awake when they start to engage in their day. So
Latasha (09:23.576)
think that one of the things that all also we don't really talk about is that the thing that you're doing now.
You may not be doing that in five years. You may not be doing that in ten years. And especially in the world that we live in now where people are starting to discover even more ways that they can generate income that are outside of the traditional, you know, sort of setup, if you will. Then you're finding people who are like, instead of doing the office job, now I want to travel for a living, or people who just pick their kids up and they're like, Yeah, the classroom is the classroom, you know. Wow, I had never thought
of that, you know. So everyone's doing it in a way that they feel called to or inspired to. and I think that to your point, if whatever works for your family is the best strategy, you know, and God has a way of just making that abundantly clear to to parents about, you know, which way you should go. And if this is for a season, then you know the prayers that God strengthened us for that season.
To do whatever we're called to do for ourselves and for our children. So yeah, I totally feel you. And in our journey, same thing. I mean, I've sort of been like all the all versions of the mom. I've been stay at home mom. I've been work outside of the home mom. I've been work from home mom. You know, I've been mom's not working, mom's sabbatical. Mom, you know, I've same same. Yeah. I mean, and there's there's no shame in it. It's, you know, you're just figuring it out for
what what it's supposed to look like in that particular season. And you're just praying that you can, you know, the prayer, as I've gotten older, the prayer has been help me to be present because so often we're like in mind and in spirit, because so often we are thinking about where we want to be next. And so you miss all the amazing things that are happening in your world and around you right now.
Latasha (11:25.066)
So but I think, you know, wherever God has you, it's for a reason and it serves a very specific purpose for that family. And so the more you lean into it and enjoy it, like the better. You know? It's just part of the adventure.
Aurie (11:40.15)
Yeah. And you know, I think the challenge is truly being where your feet are. And not always being where you're not. So I think moms especially we struggle with this when we're working. It's like when you're at work, you're like, I wish I was with my home with my kids and I'm not being a great mom because I'm not present with them. And then when you're at home, you're thinking about work and I think that's the the sh and
Latasha (12:09.198)
So that you
Aurie (12:09.634)
No, sometimes too sometimes too it's like, well, the season maybe is not a good fit for me. So something I've noticed on your Facebook pages and things that you talk about is delegating and offloading things. And one thing I would say to that is because I totally agree, I don't think that we should overextend ourselves for an extended period of time. However
The challenges and seasons I've been through have stretched me past what I'm comfortable. But but where my growth has happened. And what I've come to realize is that all of the pain, all of the struggle, all of the breakdowns and rebuilding that have happened because of all of it, like life crumbling and things falling apart and all of those kinds of things. And
Has left me in a lot of ways carrying all of the load. However, I've realized it wasn't about me. All of that God knew and does know, I think, that I'm a very stubborn woman and I can carry a lot. Like I'm the mule. And right now I'm the pack mule. And it's because the husband and Joe needed the work. If we're being completely honest, God had some work to do on him.
And so in a marriage and a true partnership, you're going to have seasons where one partner's carrying more of a load than the other. But I think that's really what Jesus means when he says to carry one another's burdens, to lift one another's burdens. And that may look like me doing more right now than really I probably should, or in a perfect world, would like to. However
When someone has more inner work that needs to be done, sometimes that means offloading the external circumstances like a job. Because then that frees up his time and mental space to do more reflecting. I had my season of it and now it's his turn. So you know, that's kind of the underlying stream of things that go on underneath the surface that I think sometimes we don't talk about. It's like
Aurie (14:31.582)
yes, we should delegate, we should offload, we should do more things, blah, blah. Like why are people carrying more of the load? Like I think the why is a good conversation to have because if it's with intention and it's for a specified season, I think that can be okay. Because how do we learn perseverance by persevering? There's no other way.
Latasha (14:54.528)
is very nuanced, you know. I think that because you know I a perspective of you know delegation, it really comes from for me anyway, comes from having been surrounded by women who did do that for a lifetime. For a
Aurie (15:14.446)
A lifetime, yes, absolutely.
Latasha (15:16.68)
lifetime. And so when you you know, and so you're looking at them doing it do because you're you're there, you're growing up, whether it be my mom, whether it be my grandmother, whether it be aunties, whether it be friends of the family. Everyone sort of has the same narrative which or had the same narrative which was I do everything. I do everything. And but no one really seemed like they were enjoying doing everything. And so
As a young girl just watching because that and has informed my parenting because at at the end of it all, our kids are watching. So the in the same way I was watching, my kids who are boys are watching me. And I just decided, like, yeah, no, I I don't I don't need to do it all. I just need to do what matters. And there is a space, you know, that I can really occupy and like
I have to manage it all, you know. Like if you come in my home and you say, my gosh, it smells so good, it looks so great, it would well yeah, you're gonna tell me that. You're not gonna tell my kids, you're not gonna tell my man that. You know, like it's hasn't always been, you know, writing a check or, you know, zelling someone, you know, yeah, cash. So and even now the children are really
primAuriely the helpers or maybe not the helpers, the contributors to our family. Because it's sort of like from a team culture. Yes. perspective that we really push here. But yeah, I totally understand. You know, it it's very nuanced and it it hasn't always there are times when I feel like I'm doing a little too much. And for me, it also comes from having suffered from panic attacks, which I've also talked about in the past. So I am like
probably hyper aware of limitations and capacity. And so for me, in the interest of just really wanting to be as present and full and, you know, the the the that I need to be for all these vAurieous people that I need to be present for, it's like, yeah, you know, where where can I serve best?
Latasha (17:33.558)
you know, what can I do best? What am I not able to do? You're gonna have to get a no from me now because I'm giving this area of my life a yes, you know, and just being completely unapologetic, yet still prayerful about, you know, what God has called me to put my hands to do. So yeah, I still do the laundry, but you know, I'm not stressing about it. I wanna I have a system for it, you know. And so I think that helps too is like
If I these are the areas that we manage as mothers, there have to be systems. Like we can't just, you know, sort of, what is it, just off the top of my head, like, I think maybe I'll do the laundry today. It's like, Okay, it's Sunday or it's Saturday.
Aurie (18:17.43)
Yeah, what is the rhythm? What is the rhythm that's happening today? I I totally agree. And I and I think a lot of times when we are carrying certain loads like working outside the home while also being mom and carrying that mental load, it's like we have to sit down and have a conversation with ourselves about what is my good enough list? Because we have to relinquish control. And I think that's
That's what lot of people struggle with is like the need to control it, the need for it to be a certain way, to look a certain way, to be at a certain standard. I we did a podcast episode on this podcast about like we've got to give up perfectionism. For me, what comes to mind is like my mother, when we were cleaning house as kids, we we would clean the bathroom and we'd get it all done and she would come in and she'd turn the lights off and she'd say, See that streak on the mirror? Do it again.
Do it again. And she would come in constantly and be like finding other things. And she would make us do it again. And so while it teaches you how to do it right, it means that when things aren't being done to my mom's standard in my head of cleanliness, I'm like, I'm freaking out. Yeah. But I've had to realize I cannot be at work for 40 hours a week and also feel like I'm doing my work.
that's tied to my deep purpose and also keep a perfect house. So I have to let my children, my daughter and my husband come in and pick that up and do it how they know how. And it has to really do.
Latasha (19:57.07)
Encourages team environment as opposed to, you know, if it doesn't do and get done. If mom doesn't see the sock on the floor, then there's no sock on the floor. Or it doesn't get picked up. Like I'm I'd possibly be the only one who sees this, you know? So yeah, and you're right. I mean
For you, you're outside of the home forty hours a week. I mean, that's a lot of time that you spend away from home. So coming back to the home to also do all the things from five to nine to ten to baby girl goes to sleep. I mean, that's quite a lot to be expected to do all of it, you know? So I'm glad that you are you're, you know, really utilizing that cool family you have to like help you out. 'Cause
'Cause you need the help, you know, you need the help. But I'd love to also know for you, when you're on your way home in the middle of your commute, and before you, you know, sort of tr make that transition back into the home after a long day at work, what are some of the do you have tactics, do you have strategies to sort of prepare yourself to now be in a totally different frame of mind and operate with your husband and your child from a different, you know, sort of vantage point?
Aurie (21:12.992)
Yeah, it depends on where my mental state is that day. So I love to use my commute time for learning to listen to podcasts and to just learn something new instead of being the expert. Now is my opportunity to grow and learn. So I've got about 30 minutes to find a that is of interest or an area that I need help growing in and and fed.
So a lot of times that's what I use that time for is I feed my myself. But if I can feel that my energy is in a negative space that day, or I'm feeling like there's a lot of noise upstairs, music absolutely will change your energy. It will change your vibrations. And if you think about it, music is vibration in the air. And so when you
When you play music that is at a higher frequency, at a higher range, is more excited, it then has an effect on your eardrums, which vibrate because you're listening to it, and that impacts the impulses in your brain. And so a lot of times I will play music that reflects where I want my mental state to be. And then that way when I get home or I arrive at work, I'm where I need to be mentally.
And I've recently also started implementing an idea that I heard about take a minute to arrive. Like we're driving cars and we're traveling at such a pace that it's like faster than our human body was really designed to move. And that's kind of beside the point, but I do think that sometimes you have to l let your nervous system catch up.
And so I've started like taking 30 seconds to a minute to just sit in the car in silence wherever I have pulled into and parked before getting out and going in and just like like taking a deep breath and just letting it out. Because a lot of times too, driving is stressful. So if you are in reaction mode and hyper vigilant for all of the crazy drivers on the road, and then you get out and you go into your house, you're still in hyper vigilance. And
Aurie (23:27.626)
Taking the moment to down regulate from just the act of driving is extremely helpful. And a lot of times when I get out of the car, I mean, this is just practically speaking, I leave my phone, my backpack, all everything except for my lunch dishes. I leave it all in the car because I don't want to take work into the house with me. Work stays at work. Okay. And when I come into my house, I don't want to be distracted by the pinging on my phone.
friends, other people who need me. My daughter and my husband need my attention when I come in the home. At least for the first hour. And then I'll go back out later as people are kind of in off in other rooms getting ready for bed. I'll go back out to the car and get my stuff in to refresh it for the next day. But that has been very helpful for me.
Latasha (24:18.264)
Got you. And so do you have a sort a a way that you decompress, whether it be daily or weekly or monthly, so that you can sort of continue doing what you do at a high level?
Aurie (24:32.942)
yeah. And it looks different than I think we feel like that should look. Like I think a lot of what the content is put out into the world is about like, have time meditating and reflecting and unscheduled time and blah blah. And I was we just had a conversation with my sister about this this last weekend. She's like, well, that's not really rest. I said, yes, it is.
It just has to be planned and declared to the rest of the family that this is what's happening at this time and I will not be in the home. And she's like, well, that's not really resting. That's not unscheduled time. I like, it has to be this way because it has to be intentional and on the calendar, or else it doesn't happen. So for me, that looks like scheduling time on Saturdays to have alone time.
And like me and my husband have talked about it. We've like set the expectations that Saturday afternoons are mine. And I go off and do whatever I feel like doing. And for me, that looks like going to the YMCA, sitting in the sauna, swimming for a little while, getting in the jacuzzi. And I just like float out of the YMCA. I'm like, I am jelly. And that felt really good.
Right. And that totally refuels me mentally and physically for the next week. That is totally the reset I need. But it has to be scheduled. It has to be on the schedule for it to happen.
Latasha (26:04.568)
Absolutely. And then what about your husband? He's there with your daughter. Does he have, you know, a w do you find yourself, you know, sort of giving him time away from the home to sort of decompress or refresh himself as well?
Aurie (26:20.596)
yeah, Saturday mornings are his. So on Saturday mornings that is mommy Evie date. so we have our little mommy daughter intentional time and we go do something that's special for us and he can do whatever his heart desires. so he'll go fishing or he'll go mountain biking or whatever hobby he enjoys doing. and so yeah, we kind of switch off on Saturdays, kind of recharging our batteries.
Latasha (26:49.934)
Okay, okay. And then do you so where you guys are, where you live, are do you live near family or are you guys sort of the primary, you know, caretakers of the baby? Meaning do you have grandparents nearby or aunties or anyone where you guys can kind of steal away, or have you had to figure out how to have a lone time in a different way?
Aurie (27:12.558)
Honestly, we are it. We are it. we are half a country away from both sides of our family. we decided to stay here. I came out here initially for my job. and we decided to stay because our spiritual family here is so good. But in this culture of being so busy.
Latasha (27:20.422)
okay.
Aurie (27:36.556)
I think that's the struggle is that even when you have a good spiritual family who's there for you mentally and emotionally, they're not there with their time and practicality, right? Because everyone's schedule stays so full that nobody offers to come and babysit or whatever. You have to go out and make the ask. And
We struggle with that a little bit because we're like, you know, like the pride, we have to put the pride away in order to say, like, we need help. Can you please babysit? But we just figure out what what we need to do in order for us to feel good. So like we will pay for a babysitter and go out, and there are some teenagers at church that we've kind of like, all right, like they seem responsible, let's ask them. But it
Latasha (28:09.749)
Yeah.
Latasha (28:28.225)
Okay.
Aurie (28:29.526)
goes and waves as they go off to school, right? So but we don't have regular we don't have regular help and so we just kinda wing it. And so sometimes that means that like Friday nights being date night for us, that means like I bought a fire log this week. Cheap date. Like we're gonna put it in the fireplace and after she goes to bed we're gonna play cards instead of turning the TV on and just have some time together just to talk and have our time.
Mm. So we just get kind of creative with it.
Latasha (28:59.788)
Yeah.
Latasha (29:04.12)
Yeah, no, I love it. I when my oldest was a baby, we lived in New York, which was we didn't even have a second cousin there. and so we had to do everything and and as a result we we also we didn't mind asking our friends who also had multiples or had kids too if they'd watch our son Elijah.
But like you said, everyone's so busy. And we were in New York City. So, you know, everyone had like wild lifestyles. So what we did was we just found a show that we really liked. We put Elijah to bed and we order from like our favorite restaurant every Thursday. And that was date night. And we loved it. You know, it was super simple, but it was something we always look forward to. And then when we did move back to DC area.
where all of our family is that introduced a new season where, you know, especially with my father in law who was telling us to be incredibly intentional about having, you know, time to go out so so that they plan it and they could put on their s calendar to watch the kids for us. But now we're back in South Florida and we don't have we're back at it again and we don't have any any family, you know, to watch our watch our 'cause our oldest is in college now.
But yeah, he was our f he was our living babysitter. And now that he's gone, we don't have one anymore. And so we're back to indoor date nights or day dates. So yeah, I think it's back to that seasonal discussion we were having where whatever the season offers, you just take it and you make it, you know, the best it can be in that particular season.
Aurie (30:48.066)
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Latasha (30:50.114)
Yeah. For I I love that, Aurie. And for the woman who is listening to you and is saying what that is actually very similar to what I'm experiencing right now with my husband, what are some just thoughtful steps or framework that you would share with her in terms of her best next step or, you know, her a mindset that she should really embrace to sort of continue to tarry with her husband?
Throughout that season.
Aurie (31:20.942)
Absolutely. So take care of yourself. Allow God to do his work and allow people to bear the consequences of their own actions. We cannot fix it for them. We cannot take the responsibility on for them. You have to step back from that and stop trying to control what they're doing or how they're spending their time or the choices they're making. You can only focus on you. So I would say.
First of all, take care of what you're putting in your cup, clean up your side of the street, focus on you. You go get the resources you need in order to function at a high level and verbalize those expectations. So like for me, that looked like saying, I love staying up with you and watching TV, but I have to be a functioning person tomorrow at work. So I have to be in bed at nine PM.
And that's a boundary I'm setting for myself. So I'm I'm telling you this so that you know what to expect. And I'm going to be making this change because this is the last low-hanging fruit. I've cleaned up everything else except bedtime. And now it's time for me to grow up and be my own parent and say bedtime has to be at nine PM. I cannot be in front of the TV because then my brain will not turn off and I will be awake all night. So setting those boundAuriees.
that keep you healthy, keep you in a good mental state, keep you in a empowered state of mind. Because you even when you're not in the home, as the mother, you set the emotional tone for your home.
Latasha (33:02.67)
Yes, very much so.
Aurie (33:05.442)
So make sure it's aligned with what God wants for your home. Peace, joy, happiness. And you do what you need to do in order to make that be the emotional state of your home. If that's finding a babysitter, or you don't love eating salads, but that means eating more greens so that your body feels good, or exercising every day, even when you don't love it, even when it feels hard because you know your body needs it.
I mean, a lot of times this is about growing up and taking ownership and doing what we don't want to do because it is self discipline that is going to get us through the storms.
Latasha (33:46.922)
Absolutely. I think you know
when you're when you talk about, you know, taking care of yourself and having certain boundAuriees, if especially yeah, with your husband who wants to stay up past nine. my husband loves staying up late. My husband actually loves starting movies when it's pitch black at night and so do our sons. And I don't understand it. And so as a result, I've seen a lot of movie credits, but I have not seen a lot of movies. Right.
I can't do it. I'm just not built to stay up that late. And yeah, so I you know, sometimes I just snuggle with them while the the subwoofer's blasting, you know, and guns, all the, you know, stuff is happening. And then other times I just say, guys, I love you. I'm going to bed. but I think also what makes that feel just, you know, like you know, there's no guilt there is what I'm trying to say, is that
All the other parts of the day were filled with things that were meaningful. So it's totally fine that I'm having to shut this down. So I think that, you know, because everybody, your husband probably does too, and you have boundAuriees, there's things he likes to do, you don't like to do, but there are things you love to do together, then there are things you love to do together with the kids, or with your daughter rather. And so for me, you know, I'm like, well, there are definitely things I want to do with you guys.
before the sun goes down. As the sun goes down, daddy's club starts, strokes, lights, you know, everything. It's gonna get wild in here. And I might not make it through that that part of the day. But I just want to make sure that for me, I get to also enjoy you guys. So it's it, so it's not this feeling of, I never get to or you guys always leave me out.
Latasha (35:43.616)
It's about it's about really, like you said, voicing the things that are important to you too. And it's it's totally a thing that I can't stay awake, but it's also totally a thing that, okay, mom, what do you want to do? What what are you into? You know? And so everyone feels fulfilled as opposed to feeling like there's a bent towards only one parent or one way of doing things. Would you say that's true for you too?
Aurie (36:09.57)
yeah. And I think that's why I'm intentional when I come in from work of leaving the phone in the car is because they need that time from me. We connect over dinner. we all help prepare and set the table. We have family dinner around the dinner table.
And then we have a family Bible reading time where we kind of all snuggle together on the couch and we talk and visit afterwards. And we we just talk and visit about our day afterwards and you know, then it's bath time. and then Mima has been trying to trade off, you know, where when he's been with her all day, I do story time or
read books at bedtime with her. And that's our mommy Evie focus together time so that she gets her cup filled with connection from me. And so yeah, during the week it's a little bit of like survival mode, but that's our rhythm and that's what kind of like works for us. And it's not a lot of time. But when you're working 10 hour days and I know nurses out there work 12 hour days.
That time during the week may be compressed and then we take more intentional time even on the weekends. So on the days off, we plan a f a family date or we call it like our little field trip day and we plan family time to go do that. And then that allows me to say, okay, everybody has gotten their piece of mommy and wife. And so I feel zero guilt for going to bed at nine.
Latasha (37:41.324)
Yes, Lee, exactly. We did all the things. We checked the boxes, we made everyone smile, gave those hugs that only mom can give. Now I gotta go to bed.
Aurie (37:52.172)
Yeah. Yeah.
Latasha (37:54.35)
I love that. So you mentioned that you love your spiritual family, that you guys aren't near your you're half a country away from your actual family, but you have spiritual family that's in and around you guys. And so for you, Aurie, amongst that spiritual family, have do you find yourself where you have a tribe or a community of women that you can you sort of, you know, chat with and express
different parts of yourself with. I know that you also, you know, talk about how you hate, you know, women just leaning towards I'm fine. And so being able to actually expand beyond the I'm fine when we're asked how we're doing really comes down to do we have people we trust that we can really talk to. So do you feel like you have a trusted community and tribe that you just really enjoy talking to? Or do you find that your husband sort of offers that space for you primAuriely?
Aurie (38:54.816)
have a tribe and it is because I built a tribe. The tribe did not just show up automatically. I had to go first. I had to be the one that reached out to a friend that so far had just kind of been like a surface level friend. was like, how's work? We we're both engineers and so we're like yeah we could talk engineering things. I had to just tell her like my world just fell apart.
And I I don't know what I'm doing. I I'm experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder. I am dissociating. I I have to go do these things to try and repair. And I need somebody to watch a little bit while we do that. And can you be that person? I I need somebody. And just opening up and being completely vulnerable with this friend. And as a result, it has made her she's
also naturally just an introvert, but it has made it comfortable for her to say, I'm struggling with postpartum depression, or I struggled a lot during my she lost a couple of her pregnancies. and I'm blanking it on the word for that. But anyways, yes, thank you. She was struggling inside with that, but because she was an introvert, she felt like she could tell no one about that pain. And then
We had lunch and sometimes you have to call out your friends in order to deepen that relationship because she knew all about my struggle. And it's easier for me to fill in the silence with, here's all the things that are going wrong for me, blah. And then they sit there because they don't share openly. They just sit there and they're the listener by default. But to build the tribe, I've had to say, like, okay.
I'm in a good place, but I can tell something's off with you and call them out. Say, like, how are you? I'm fine, I'm fine. How are you really? And then the water works just happen, right? They just crumble and break. And then you show up to be the safe space for them. I have intentionally built a tribe of just a very small one, right? I'm really more of a like, let's hang out one-on-one kind of person, anyways.
Aurie (41:16.396)
I'm not a big crowds person, but a very small but very intentional tribe of friends who sometimes we don't ask questions when the other person just says, Hey, I need you at this time and this date show. We're like guns ablaze and we come with all the snacks. And we're like, we just show up. We're like, we're here, you go do you take care of business. We got this. And we just show up. It is a mutual shAurieng, but somebody has to go first.
Or else it's gonna be like a lot of the outer circle for me of friends that I have that I see at church and we're friendly and I can tell something's off with people. I think when you go through hard things where your world falls apart, you come through the other side of that, you get a radar built in. You're like, the radar is going off. Something is off with this person, and you can just pick up on it. So you'll say, like, how are you doing?
And they still got the mask on. we're good. We're good. Life's just busy. Okay. Yeah. but if they never let down their guard, then I mean relationships are a two way street. So tribes are small. You gotta and it takes trial and error to find it.
Latasha (42:31.426)
Yeah, but I love that you're being intentional about building a tribe. And it it's really special when you ask someone how they're doing, or even if you're asked how you're doing, and you just say, I'm fine, and someone just pushes a little bit further. Just one more question before we just hop on to the next thing. And I think those moments are so resonant and they're so meaningful. And I think we could all
you know, stand to just pause a little bit more and give people the room to really tell us how they're doing. and to be the safe space because we we all need you know, someone to hear us out and just listen. And I remember my son, when he was graduating from high school, that was a whole mess. That entire year was awful emotionally. I was just could not believe that my sweet baby was about about to graduate from high school. And I just remember
women just being more than willing to just walk with me during that journey. And every once in a while you feel a little bit more emotional than you should. I was like, I think I was just trying to buy a cake and put his name on it and could barely talk to the baker. The baker was like, It's gonna be okay, girl. Like, I know, but it just it's just not okay right now. You're right. So you know, just everybody has something.
And it you never know because some of us carry things well. You you may pick up on it and you may not. But it it's interesting and it's super meaningful when you feel like, this person actually seems to really care about me and what I'm going through. So yeah, I love that you built that for yourself. And and so do you find that because you have those spaces.
that it just it makes it even what is the word more palpable, more a little bit easier for you to navigate difficult seasons because you actually have someone that you can be transparent with and feel like they not they're not judging you because you're not like having like the best season or life ever.
Aurie (44:46.122)
Yeah. there's no words for friendships like that where they just see you and you don't have to have a mask on. I think that's what makes it lighter is just having somebody know. Sometimes you may not need their help, but just having somebody know and see you. Because for me, one of the hardest challenges was showing up to church with the mask on and feeling completely inauthentic.
That that I've got this invisible and trauma and things that are happening behind the scenes and nobody can see it. but to even just have one friend in that crowd that knew and just when they locked eyes with you and gave you an encouraging smile, you just knew that they knew and and they were loving you. It's just there's not words for it. It's just an intangible experience that just lightens your heart.
Latasha (45:41.878)
Yeah, and so with all the vAurieous things that you've managed, whether it was depression and anxiety or n just the the vAurieous emotions that you could have been going through at any given time, how
For yourself, would you say that it was sort of this combination of friendship and prayer and decompressing that helped you sort of push through that? Or did you have like certain systems or a certain framework in place that you worked through and that you now share with your clients?
Aurie (46:16.332)
It was gardening for me. It was garden. So in my first iteration of when you become a mother, nobody prepares you for the death of your old identity. And they don't tell you to be gentle to nurture a new identity. They just slap a new identity on you and tell you that you should love it. Yeah. without acknowledging who you were before.
Latasha (46:19.362)
Tell us about that.
Aurie (46:45.58)
And so that was what caused my initial depression. And during all this struggle with identity and purpose and who am I and how am I gonna do this? And I'm just living groundhog day on repeat every day and I'm not happy. But is this what God had planned for me? If he knows my days and they're numbered and like where's the good in this plan? I don't see it. So where is God? You know
Having to wrestle with those questions and honestly wrestle with God and feeling like he's so far from me. He's so far from helping me. And these are words I'm comfortable saying because David said them. and the fact that God left us a love note, a love letter called the Bible, in which he allowed people to express their doubts and to wrestle with him and
That was reassuring because I was like, God's big enough to handle it. It's okay. You can say what you need to say to him. But when you feel like, where are you? I need you, but you're not here. I was desperately grasping for for for him. I I needed somebody. I need I needed something. And I at the time, you know, we were even far away from friends. So I had no support. I had no group to lean on. I had no
I was just watching all my friends get together online and doing all things together across the country and not I wasn't there. So I started looking around, I was like, you know, if God can care for the sparrows and he sees every sparrow that falls, and he says that he cares for us the same way, let me identify all of the other ways that he cares. Because I started to feel like the only place that I was close to him was in nature.
And I could see how much care he put into growing the flowers every every year for the purpose of just producing joy in in the beholder. And if he cared enough about making flowers bloom and making plants grow that are good for food, then he had something planned for my life. And I remember this pivotal day and season for me where I was at Rock.
Aurie (49:07.33)
bottom and I had started gardening and I love daffodils because they come up when the world is still bleak and cold and they little pop their little happy yellow faces up and a lot of times it's even in the snow and they're just blooming away. They're like, no, we're here. Spring is coming. They're a sign of hope. And I needed that. I needed a sign of hope. And so I ordered this huge bag of bulbs.
And they come and it's like late November and we were living in northern Virginia at the time and so it was cold and it was kind of the wind was blowing and it was kind of wet and misty. And I'm out there with the mailman, I'm sure thinks that was crazy. This woman is off her rocker. I am out there like with my auger drilling holes in the hard clay all the way up the side of my driveway, just a bunch of random holes everywhere.
Latasha (50:02.624)
Okay.
Aurie (50:03.992)
And it's cold and like the weather and the circumstances really felt like my inner world, a reflection of my inner world. And as I put every single bulb down in the hole, you could look at it as goodbye. I am burying you. You are dying. You're dead to me. But instead, I put it in the in the hole and I said, I'll see you soon. And I raked the dirt back over it and pressed it in.
And then I spent that winter thinking about what was happening under the surface. Those bulbs, I love daffodils, man. I like the gardening meth metaphors never end with me. So come follow me on Planet on Purpose podcast. We'll talk all the gardening stuff, but all the metaphors. But a bulb has to have a season of dark and cold in order to stratify it, which means that it cracks it open.
Latasha (50:47.339)
Yeah.
Aurie (51:01.334)
And that actually causes it to be able to push roots down. So during those dark, cold seasons, you're not getting blooms, you're not getting green growth on top that looks beautiful. You're pushing down roots. You're firming in, you're anchoring in. And then the ground has to be frozen. You have to go through hard things in order to push up a very strong stem that's going to be able to withstand.
The winds at the top of the surface. So I'm reflecting on this all winter. And then like they I'm out there like every day stAurieng at the ground. I needed that hope and expectation for a future. And God's love letter says that He gives us a hope and a future. But I needed reassurance of that. I needed something tangible. And for me, that was gardening. That was plants. And they came up, they bloomed in their season.
And then they multiply what they were designed to do. The reason why we bloom is because our we are supposed to produce more of whatever it is our purpose is. And that's why I'm passionate about coaching, is because that is my purpose. And so I want to produce more of that. More of the the good, help people identify what their plant is.
what's on your seed packet and let's put more of that into the world. How do we do that? but that was what got me through those hard times. And then like it started with daffodils, but then it was my tomatoes. They're teaching me things. And then this last year it was digging up my potatoes. I got a bunch of green growth at the top, but I don't really see where the harvest is. Guess what? You gotta dig for it sometimes. And I'm digging up all these potatoes and I'm turning over the ground. I thought, well ain't that just like life.
And so if you don't have a tribe, you can be in community with nature and you can feel close with God through nature and animals and plants because we're human people. He created us as human beings. And guess where he put us? In the beginning, he put Adam and Eve in a garden. And I think that sometimes we get disconnected from nature when we live in big cities or urban areas.
Aurie (53:20.77)
You have to be intentional about going out and actually get into green spaces. We forget sometimes that we are just a human being. We are an earthen vessel and we have to be in connection with that to regulate. And that can be a very valuable tool to use.
Latasha (53:36.258)
Love that. Thank you for shAurieng that. And so when you work with your clients, do you work from that perspective too, where you talk to them about gardening and sort of build a framework around that so that they can sort of see all the, I guess the vAurieous parables or analogies of how you're using gardening to help them move forward in their lives?
Aurie (53:58.446)
Absolutely. So my framework follows the life cycle of a plant. You know, we start with your seed. We identify what your growing conditions need to be, what's on your seed packet, what purpose are you supposed to be putting out into the world? You know, what are you designed to do? And then we talk about like, okay, we've got to ground ourselves. You gotta put down roots. What are you anchoring into? we talk about emotional grounding, mental
you know, support and mindset work so that when you grow your stem, it's strong and healthy. And then as you're growing a tall stem, we put in supports. When you're growing tomatoes, they're just gonna flop on the ground if you don't put steaks and trellises in. Our lives are the same way. What are your trellises? What supports do you need? What do you need to tie into on a daily basis in order to keep you upright?
And then we talk about what is a healthy leaf for you, what nourishes you, because leaves on a plant they pull in the nutrients from the sun and from the environment. what things do you need to feed yourself with in order to be a healthy plant? What do you need to prune out? Because if there's too much growth, guess what? You're not gonna find on a tomato plant. If it's all leaves, there's no tomatoes, there's no fruit. True. You have to prune it back hard in order.
To allow airflow and space and room for real health. And when a plant has real health, it produces an abundant harvest. And that's what you want to reap at the end is an abundant harvest. So how do we get you there?
Latasha (55:39.98)
That's so cool. It's so cool and so thoughtful. I've never, ever heard of a framework like that. But in each part, in each step, you could see scripture, you can see Bible, you can see Jesus. I love that. I love that, Aurie. That is yeah, it's so cool. But I I really appreciate this time that we were we had together because I just feel like you gave so many women permission to be truthful and authentic.
about where they what their real starting point is and what they're hopeful about. And I think in a world where so many people feel like they have to sort of live up to the highlight reel, you have really given so many women the the, you know, the opportunity to just say, yeah, that today, this season is this. And I'm really hopeful that the next season gets to look, you know, a little bit different.
But I'm still going to cultivate my land and and grow my garden where right from where I am and be present where my feet are. So you have given so much. Your insights have been so wise and so thoughtful. So I really appreciate you.
Aurie (56:51.768)
Thank you so much. I really do hope that women can see themselves in this. I think this is me going first. I'll go first. I'll admit the ugly. Yeah. so that we can all start living healthier and more abundant lives. I really do hope that for all women. and it really is a cultivation and and learning to work with what you got. So yeah, you know, how do you cultivate your soil?
How are you going to grow a harvest? And knowing that seasons come and seasons go and they will cycle back around. And it's just the way of the world. That's the way it was designed. So whatever they're going through to know that this too shall pass and you'll be on to something else.
Latasha (57:39.96)
For sure. Thank you so much, Aurie. So tell our listeners, those of the women who are listening, how they can find you, how they can continue to engage with you. I know you have a podcast as well, but tell us all the things. How can we stay in touch with you?
Aurie (57:56.686)
So my podcast is planted on purpose. You may have to throw my name in there, Aurie Riley, with that search because the algorithm hasn't found me yet. That's fine. but if you love gardening metaphors and how it applies to life, that is what we're all about over there. and all the fun things. So we have good discussion over there. You can find me on Instagram. It's just my initials, A A Riley.
Latasha (58:08.406)
Okay.
Aurie (58:24.802)
You can come find me there. And I have a website. And we'll just link it because the spelling always throws people off, but it's sunshinepapery.com. Sunshine is spelled with an O because who are we reflecting, right? so you can come find me there. I'm also an artist and I design life tools, paper goods that help you on a regular, practical, daily basis with my artwork.
So I marry my life coaching theoretical tools with art and we create paper products for you to grab. My coaching is there as as well. So you can send me a message on that website, book a call with me so that we can just have further discussion about what do you need in this season. so everything's there for them. So
Latasha (59:14.07)
Well, when I close, I love to close with a segment called Pulse Check. And it is a rapid fire section. I ask you five questions that you answer as soon as as soon as I ask you the question, then you answer. No overthinking. Okay. Okay. okay. So the first question is it's four PM and you have hit a wall. So what's your go to mom feel?
Aurie (59:41.794)
A walk. four PM I'm still at work. but I know I know that wall very well.
Latasha (59:46.616)
Well I don't know if it's awesome, but I love I know that it's awesome that you have a way out.
Aurie (59:54.808)
So I I go for a glimmer walk. So I get up, and I step outside. I work because I design airplanes, I work in a very industrial plant, but I go for a walk and I spot all the ways that nature is pushing through all the cracks. So I spot little wildflowers that are blooming in the little cracks of the sidewalk, or I notice butterflies that are coming through.
I notice the birds that are singing and it really grounds me in the present. And then I come back and I'm just like fired up and energetic because I'm like, look at all the happy things that are out there and I've gotten my vitamin D. So yeah.
Latasha (01:00:32.654)
We we could all stand to get more vitamin D for sure. Yeah. okay. What is the one household chore that you would happily delete from existence? I'm not good at laundry at all. beyond being an engineer and a mom, I am a woman who loves.
Aurie (01:00:42.516)
Laundry, absolutely.
Aurie (01:00:53.698)
gardening. I just love getting out and getting my hands in the dirt and growing things because I can put in the work, I can plant and I can water, but it is God that gives the increase and the daily reminder of that just always surprises and delights me.
Latasha (01:01:10.772)
that is so special. I love that. Okay. If you had two hours of pure unscripted freedom, where are you going?
Aurie (01:01:19.998)
I'm putzing in the yard for sure. I'll be like which which plot of grass am I digging up of my husband's today and what am I planting in it?
Latasha (01:01:29.614)
I love it. So cool. And then last question. When your daughter looks back at her childhood, what is the one word you hope that she'll use to describe it?
Aurie (01:01:41.742)
Joyful. I hope she sees a joyful childhood.
Latasha (01:01:44.962)
Yeah. Yeah, same here, same here. Well, I have loved this time together. I have one final question for you. Sure. And I asked this question to every guest, which is for the woman who is somewhere between girl, I got it and Jesus take the wheel. What is your advice to her in terms of how she can really do it and do it with grace?
Aurie (01:02:11.79)
Think it's about living just the day that is set before you. Jesus says that the worries for today are enough. Today, tomorrow will worry for itself. So, how can you be intentional and do your best with this moment that you're given? With because you don't have to have it all figured out for tomorrow. So, what can you do to fill your cup with?
joy and health and wellness today in order to just prevent, I guess, the overwhelm and negativity and sometimes the depression that can try and seep in. Just keep your cup full.
Latasha (01:02:56.472)
Keep your cup full. I love that. Thank you. Well, that's all at the time we have for today. I just want to thank you, Aurie, once again for coming by and sharing so many of your incredible insights with our listeners. And don't forget to follow Aurie on her podcast and Instagram. And I will talk to you in the next episode.